


Fear of a Herobrine

by TheInfamousDoctorF



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Alex is ace, Almost death, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Bad Poetry, Beatdown, Coffee, Electrocution, Fluff, Hallucinations, Heckling, Jump Scares, Knotting, Lava - Freeform, Light Bondage, Lots of Crying, M/M, Mind Control, Monster sex, Rape, Rimming, Slime, Spiders, Tongue Bath, Werewolf Sex, blowjob, cute creeper, dirty talk involving dragons, excessive cum, gay testificates, gratuitous glitching, griefing, hurt comfort, mild body horror, more lava, noncon, overlarge insertion, way too much lube, wrong lube
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-05 20:08:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 105
Words: 203,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4193259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheInfamousDoctorF/pseuds/TheInfamousDoctorF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Herobrine likes schooling noobs on all kinds of fun activities. Especially silly Steves who pick fights with their betters and don't listen to their friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Summoning

The sun had barely finished cresting the horizon and Steve was already heading back from the Testificates village in a bad humor. Dealing with those monkish weirdos always did this to him. Their incessant muttering gave him a migraine and the village golem would always follow in his shadow until he crossed the border back out of their territory again.  
But it was his own fault. He’d protected the two melon seeds long enough to get them half sprouted, and then lost both plants and his favorite helmet to a creeper. Steve kicked the dirt sullenly, he’d been lucky to find them in the first place, let alone escape the abandoned mineshaft he’d discovered the treasure chest in. Then he’d had to resort to trading gems for seeds to replace them. It was galling to say the least.  
A familiar voice called him cheerfully.  
“Hey Steve. You look blue.” He groaned at the poor joke and she continued. “Come and join me, you big sourpuss.”  
At least he assumed xe was a she. Alex never corrected him, and apart from trying to peep on her in the shower, he had no way of confirming it. She was lean, ginger and dressed far more like a native to these cubical lands. Steve insisted on clinging to the clothes he’d spawned in, long after the edges had begun to rag.  
When he first met Alex he’d wanted to build his home next to hers, but she objected quite sternly, and the idea was scrapped. She had her own methods for mining and farming and liked her space and quiet. So her house was just a stop on the path to the village, and a convenient haven if activities left him out after dark and too far from safety. That said, she had an annoying amount of tamed ocelots, and their insistent mewing made conversations inside her house all but impossible.  
Alex lounged at a small table outside of her wooden cabin, there was an untouched cake and she sipped leisurely from a tin pail of milk. She gestured grandly at the empty chair, and Steve plonked down into it hard enough to make the wood creak.  
“Hey, go easy big guy,” Alex smiled. “You break it, you craft me a new one. Have some cake and tell me why you look like someone put TNT in your house.”  
Grudgingly Steve pulled off a small hunk of cake, and mumbled around the crumbs, “Testificates.”  
“Oh.” Her face fell a little and she brushed a few strands of hair away from her eyes. “Did they cheat you?”  
“No. I… I’m just sick of the way they treat me. They follow me around, staring and muttering, and acting like I’m going to go berserk and hurt them. The first time I went there they came out with shovels and hoes and put torches near my face. They cornered me, grabbed my head and stared at me one by one before any of them would talk to me.”  
Alex bit her lip, refusing to meet his gaze. “Steve… I didn’t want to tell you, but if it’s bothering you this much then I think you need to know.” She swallowed uneasily, “you’re right, they are afraid of you. They thought you were… someone else. Someone who looks like you, except for the eyes.”  
“Like me? Do you mean the zombies? I have noticed the resemblance, and be assured, it upsets me too.”  
“No… Steve, he looks exactly like you; except his eyes are just as dead and white as his soul. The villagers are terrified of him; they believe even talking about him gets his attention. I think in some distant past it may have even been some sort of rite of passage to call on this demon and do battle with him. There’s a poem, and to assemble everything for the spell you need to have dug out a massive amount of gold, mined some red-stone, stolen a moss cobble from a dungeon, and have taken one stone from the Nether. Because that’s where he supposedly lives. Only a miner with a lot of experience could even perform the rite.”  
Steve had been skeptical at first, but the more he listened the more reasonable the words became in the context of an already crazy world with so many strange rules. Perhaps this other Steve was just a spawn like him that got frustrated with the natives and slew a bunch of them. It wouldn’t be hard to do; the Testificates could intimidate with numbers but had no real idea how to fight. It might be worth looking for this other just to question him. He feigned indifference. “Well, you know I’m interested in whatever history you can give me about this land. We’re both strangers here but I suspect you still know a lot you haven’t told me.”  
Alex quirked an eyebrow, Steve could be rather blunt at times and it was one of the factors in her decision to ask him to build his domicile elsewhere. His suddenly casual manner was suspicious as hell. “You’re not going to try and summon him if I tell you, are you?”  
“No! Of course not! I’m not going to pick a fight with someone I don’t even know just because you told me they’re really strong. How dumb do you think I am?”  
Alex settled back into her chair. “Okay. I’ll tell you, but only if you won’t call for him. He’s lethal and you wouldn’t fare nearly as well as I did. Oops.” She blushed as Steve practically leaped over the table at her.  
“What do you mean, as well as you did?! You fought him?!”  
Alex frowned, kicking herself for misspeaking. “Yes. I was young and dumb. And I was also lucky to survive. I found the wooden placard with the poem burned into it deep in a dungeon chest. He appeared from the fire of the summoner and we did battle. I studded him with arrows Steve, he didn’t even react. In the end I drove an iron sword though his chest and he just walked away.”  
Steve sniffed, “how chivalrous and convenient of him.”  
“No! You don’t understand. He’s afraid. The villagers told me, some kind of prophecy, only a woman can lay his soul to rest. He’ll just murder you; like all the other deluded men who’ve had the gall to call his unholy name.”  
Steve raised his hands in a placating gesture. “Can I just see it? Please? Then I’ll get out of your hair. It’s horrible to tease someone with such a good story and leave it unfinished. Besides; it’s getting late and I should be heading home.”  
Alex stared at Steve. He was wearing his best winning smile, but she wasn’t fooled for a moment. At this point it would be easier to give the blockhead what he wanted and if it landed him back in his bed with a raging headache and an empty inventory then that would serve him right for being a stubborn fool.  
“Wait here.”  
Steve snatched a small bite more of the cake while he waited for Alex to emerge from her house. When she returned, it was with three cats at her heels and a wooden sign in hand. She thrust the board at him. “Just take it and run, you don’t have a lot of time to get home and you can give it back to me later.”  
Steve gave her a salute with the first tool in his menu, which happened to be a shovel and took the sign before sprinting double-time back through the woods towards his house. Thankfully the torches on the path gave a small measure of security and he managed to make it to his own door without any confrontations. Little did he know that the mobs wanted nothing to do with the sign that he carried.  
An Enderman looked into the window just as Steve was mounting the stairs and shuddered in fear before disappearing back into the gloom.  
It was only when he’d reached his own bed that he dared to take a closer look at what Alex had given him. The clunky miner lifted himself onto the edge of the bed and moved it back and forth until the letters came into focus. Thankfully it was in English and not the strange script of Comm-Ka-een that was scribbled in the book of enchantments. He cleared a few squares of phlegm from his throat and quietly read it aloud.

“In a square ring gold round,  
a cobble in a dungeon found.  
Astride the top we make a cross;  
of red-stone torch for Notch’s loss.  
Crown the center, stone from Hell  
Say my name and light it well.  
For I am Herobrine.”

Steve blinked in confusion. Herobrine? What a weird name. He tried saying it a few times, with different pronunciations, but none of them sounded just right. But ‘Notch’, that sounded tantalizingly familiar. He tapped his chin with the board. Maybe he was some kind of local deity? The Nether certainly reminded him of classical concepts of an afterlife for evil souls. Maybe it had some creation destruction myth component? Perhaps the woman was a mother Goddess of the land, and held something over them both? The rest was clear enough.  
The man bounded off the bed, he wasn’t going to let Alex tell him what to do. Granted she was smart as a whip and deadly with a bow and arrow; but Steve believed he was better at swordplay. He ruffled through his inventory and picked through several of the trunks in his bedroom. The cobble floor was cold under his boots, and he swore the temperature must have dropped outside. Cautiously he approached a window and peered out across the yard. Even on the second floor he wasn’t sure of his own safety from the beasts that lurked in the shadows of the woods.  
He jerked back from the pane in terror at the sheer amount of mobs in his sight. There were at least three dozen of them; skeletons, creepers, spiders, and zombies, even a lone midget zombie on a chicken-duck. They were standing in lines beneath the canopy of leaves as if afraid to come out from the trees and cross the lighted space. Steve gulped in abject fear, if they attacked as one he would surely die, there was no question.  
His gaze flickered to the horizon, and he saw to his utter relief that the sun was already cresting the distant mountains. Steve could only stare as the mobs turned away from the light and melted back into the shadows. He slumped to the floor, his chest heaving. He’d never seen anything like that, and certainly never received pity or seen hesitation from the mobs when they had the perfect chance to destroy him.  
Perhaps the summon might give him some relief from the mobs? He punched the air in sudden revelation. That must be it! This Herobrine had some clout with the mobs. If Steve could beat him, perhaps the others would avoid him out of respect or fear? That would make everything around here much easier!  
He leapt back to his stash with a new spring in his step. He’d been mining long enough, everything he needed was here. All that was needed now was space to set up the summoner. Steve didn’t dare do it outside; eight full blocks of gold would be way too tempting for an Enderman to steal. That meant making some space down below, he blew out a little huff of air. Steve had been putting this off, but it needed to be done anyway. The half-dug basement was an eyesore and a hazard thanks to the creeper that had blown his staircase to smithereens. An extra crafting table and a stack of cobbles were added to his inventory and he set off for the basement as the sunlight flooded into the room he’d just vacated.  
Steve balanced himself on the small precipice over the floor below, it wasn’t a deep enough fall to kill, but it would certainly hurt. Gingerly he stuck blocks to the wall and picked his way carefully down. Once at the base he laid another three rows beside the first and worked his way back up. Satisfied with the fixed stairs, he turned his attention to the ruin of a basement. With a groan he righted the bed that had been blown into the corner and removed the debris from the floor. The creeper’s crater was filled with sand and a top layer of cobbles, and he added a few more torches to the walls for some extra insurance that nothing would spawn into the room as the creeper had done.  
Dusting his hands he set up the table off to the side and fashioned a quartet of red-stone torches and a steel hook and flint to start a fire. The ceiling was stone and high enough up that it would be safe to light the squat tower once it was built, so he placed the mossy cobble right in the center of the patchwork floor.  
Steve felt some ceremony was called for, but he was too excited to think of anything other then the chance to talk to someone who might be just as out of place in this squared-off world as he himself was. He circled the gold blocks around the cobble while mentally checking his inventory to make sure he’d be ready if his other wanted a fight. Enchanted armor was donned and he put a diamond sword ready to hand. The miner was hoping it wouldn’t come to that, but he had no desire to be overwhelmed by the stranger either. He capped the cobble with hunk of netherrack, and laid out the torches in a cross over the gold.  
“Hero-brine,” the flint and steel snicked together, “Hairo-brinne.” The sparks fell on the stone and the hellish specimen burst into flames. “ Herrro-brinnee,” Steve breathed the name into the smoke. The miasma from it was making his eyes water and he felt the overwhelming urge to turn away from the light. As his eyes cast down, the flames died as well. Then the light in the room itself began to dim, the yellow light of the ordinary torches turning to red-stone, casting the room in a bloody glow. The cobbles beneath his feet seemed to darken as if they were being covered in soot.  
The worm of fear coiled in Steve’s gut, he flipped to his sword and clutched it with whitened knuckles. “Are you here?” He said; his hoarse voice barely a whisper. It seemed as if all the sound had been sucked out of the world along with the light.  
The chuckle that answered his query turned his bones to ice and knees to water. It seemed the small light from his armor and sword were the only pure illumination in this suddenly blood red world. And then he saw the eyes.  
They were white stars in the pitch darkness by the far wall, and he heard the soft tread of boots not unlike his own as the ominous figure sidled closer. His quaking increased as the dim glow brought the figure into focus. He was looking at himself.  
Herobrine was identical, another Steve, but with eyes like holes into the heart of a star. He couldn’t meet them, it was like they burned into his vision until it was all he could see, and his head was splitting from the strain of looking into the light. Herobrine stared back at him and cocked his head as if in amused confusion. He spoke, and Steve felt a weight pressing down as if to drive him too his knees.  
“I thought I was being called to battle, but this looks more like an offering.” Herobrine was standing close enough now that Steve could touch him if he dared. But he couldn’t move a muscle under that piercing stare. He felt his legs buckle, leaving him kneeling before the terrifying figure.  
Herobrine chuckled again, “no need for prayers. But I would like to see you.” He ran his hands across the miner’s shoulders and Steve’s armor fell from them like shed skin. Another gesture flicked the helmet from his head, and sent it clattering away into the darkness.  
Steve was shaking with the effort of resisting the powerful magic that had captured him. He struggled to maintain his grip on the diamond sword.  
“Do you want to try that, young one?” Herobrine puffed his chest out; he wore no armor and offered no resistance. “Go ahead.”  
The weight slipped off Steve for only a moment, but it gave him the opportunity to drive the diamond sword upwards into the gut of his foe, before it was wrenched violently out of his hand. Herobrine looked down at the sword sticking out of him. His teal shirt had a blotch of red where it penetrated, but he looked otherwise unharmed. With a mad giggle he slid the blade out of his flesh and flicked it away as casually as a toothpick.  
He knelt down so his burning eyes were even with the miner’s terrified face. “Ouch.” He said sarcastically. “Silly human, you can’t kill a ghost. Not even with a magic sword.” Herobrine was quiet for a moment as Steve frantically composed a prayer to any God or Goddess who happened to be listening. Then the monster whispered, “your eyes are beautiful, you know?”  
Somehow Steve managed to squeak out a terrified, “please don’t take my eyes Herobrine.”  
The apparition ran a handful of square fingers across the flat plane of Steve’s face as he trembled. “You have something I want, but it’s not your eyes, Steven.” The miner thought that he’d reached the peak of terror, but now the implications of the ghost’s words and tender touch made him feel as if all his hearts were throbbing to burst. Herobrine leaned close and breathed into Steve’s panting lips. The taste was sour and tingling, like lightning and brimstone. He felt his will to resist the grinning apparition slipping away. His form slumped and offered no resistance as Herobrine stripped him of both armor and clothing. Internally he raged as the monster removed even his inventory and spilled it onto the floor. He’d only have five minutes to somehow escape and collect it before it would evaporate and be gone forever, armor, rations and weapons alike. He cursed in his mind and saw Herobrine staring at him with a small smile as he was led boneless and naked to the bed and laid out as if for a funeral.  
The monster noticed his grimaces of effort and loosened his mental grip on the others tongue. Steve’s words spilled out in a flood.  
“Please don’t kill me! I’m sorry I bothered you! I thought maybe you were like me!”  
“Oh, but I am.” The creature whispered with a grin. “So much like you…”  
Steve noted with horror that Herobrine had begun to peel off his own clothing as well. The white eyes hovered over him for a moment before dipping below his field of view. Herobrine’s quiet voice seemed to come from everywhere, “she warned you, didn’t she? And you couldn’t resist, your kind never can. But that’s all right; it only makes it more fun for me. Alex fought with great bravery, and I rewarded her with a small victory and a relief from my griefing nature. And then she practically delivered you like a present into my hands. Such a nice person."  
Steve was so stressed he fought the tears that were gathering at the sharp corners of his eyes. Herobrine patted his cheek, “don’t blame her, she didn’t know you weren’t to be trusted to listen to good advice. And since you came like such a good little sheep; I’ll be gentle and make it just as nice for you as for me.”  
The miner screamed for all he was worth and tried to thrash against the magic that held him down as securely as two anvils against the bed. He bucked as high as he was able at the sudden sensation of a wet tongue against his bare chest. Herobrine laughed softly to himself as he trailed the moist slab of an organ up the belly of his helpless victim. Steve’s nipples were two tiny hard cubes and he paused a moment to mouth over them. The feel of the living man’s energy as he writhed in panic was just as delicious as the living flesh he was currently kissing.  
Slowly, in order to fully enjoy the widening of the trapped mans eyes, Herobrine pulled a slime-ball from his shed clothing and brandished it before Steve’s face. Then he moved it down and stroked it over the place where the miner least wanted it. The slime was cold and slippery and Steve whimpered as Herobrine made full use of it. A finger was pushed into him and he squirmed at the stretch and sting of being invaded.  
The creature merely shushed him. “So lovely in your fear, have patience little noob. Let the master show you how it’s done.”  
Steve had just about lost it when the stars burst behind his eyes. He was trying not to feel the fingers stuffed up inside and sliding wetly in and out of his rear. The shame burned in his face at his own erection, his body reacting vigorously to the only sexual attention he’d ever received. His breath caught as the orgasm shot like lightning through every cube in his body.  
Herobrine’s breathy voice belayed his own happiness at the little victory of the victim enjoying his own mistreatment. “I told you’d you love it, my devilishly handsome double. But there is more to come.” And the miner could only watch through the fuzzy haze of his afterglow as Herobrine stroked all 16 pixels of his own length to attention. It was a frighteningly big square peg, hard and ready to be stuffed in a small square hole.  
Steve tried with all his might to fight against the iron grip that lifted his legs and pushed them nearly to his chest. He couldn’t even avert his eyes as Herobrine insinuated himself into the best position for a greater invasion.  
“Are you going to pray Steven?” The griefer laughed softly, “because the only God here; is me.”  
With that sentiment he pushed himself inside. It felt like fire going in before the slime residue mercifully cooled the burn. His victims mind was like dust, too overwhelmed to do more then float in the hurricane that was Herobrine. There was only the feel of the edges sliding wetly against one another, as smooth as a piston block; and Notch help him, but Steve was almost enjoying it. Those blind eyes saw all and Herobrine smiled like a sunrise after a solstice.  
The magic seemed looser now and Steve felt the sensation returning to his limbs. He made a small effort to resist the assault on his arse. But he might as well have tried to move a mountain with a wooden pick. Herobrine’s grip was death and he was moving faster now, determined to make his double scream with arousal as well as fear.  
The human had lost his focus, and while his limbs and voice had been returned to him, he could do nothing more then cling wordlessly like a spiderweb to his attacker.  
And when the beast came inside, it was as if he’d placed a water spawn block in the bowels of his doppelganger. Herobrine seemed to come for an eternity, thrusting with all his might into the helpless human that screamed and gasped for breath beneath the weight of the Nether on his torso. Finally Steve also came, his seeds spraying sinfully across his heaving chest.  
Strong hands held him still as his vision was clouded with spirals and stars. Then Herobrine pecked him on the cheek and dismounted.  
Steve managed to roll enough to watch the ghastly figure walk over to a spot on the floor and blast two cobbles out in a row. He raised a hand, and Steve gasped in horror as Herobrine scrolled through several items and settled on a bucket of lava. He poured two full buckets into the hole and flicked his hands empty again. The creature regarded the bubbling stew of hot stone and turned to his victim. "I'd ask you to join me, but I fear it may be a tad too warm for humans." He trailed his thick fingers delicately in the pool and let the burning goo drip harmlessly back into the seething pit.  
With a sigh of contentment, Herobrine slipped his naked form into the fire of the lava, he settled for a moment on the softening cobbles beneath; drinking the mindless fear of the paralyzed human on the bed as if it were the finest potion of all. He dunked himself merrily to burn the human sweat off of his form, and then clambered out with a smile. Droplets of glowing lava singed the floor as he re-dressed himself, and with a casual wave he turned the red-stone torches back to coal and wood. The ghost made a graceful turn around the floor to gather Steve’s things and then dumped them over the prone form on the bed.  
“You can get up now.”  
And Steve found that this was true, he tried to spring out of bed, opened his mouth to yell the obscenities that had been bubbling up behind his lips, but nothing came. He felt his innards throb with remembered pleasure. A greedy ache had taken root inside him, and now there was an empty place behind his own manhood that would need filling again.  
He bit his lip in frustration. The monster had beaten him in more ways then one, and he’d gotten his stupid wish to find someone that was more like him then Alex or the hated villagers. There was no denying that Herobrine was the master here, and Steve had never felt more like a dog in the entirety of his short existence. He’d sought and accepted the bone with pleasure; and now the collar was his burden to bear.  
Herobrine regarded his conquest with evil glee. He could read the human’s mind as easily as an open book. “If it makes you feel any better; the mobs won’t bother you now.”  
Steve’s reply was bitter, “why, because I’m your bitch?”  
His double shrugged, “I wouldn’t have used such a crude word, but if it pleases you; yes.” He gestured at the dark summoner, “Feel free to call me anytime.” In the blink of an eye he was standing on the bed behind Steve, his tongue flicked into the miner’s ear before he could scramble away. “Be seeing you soon, my lamb.” And then he was gone, only the fading echo of his laughter and the radiant heat of the lava he’d bathed in; to testify that it had not all been a nightmare.  
Outside a full moon was rising, and even more of the mobs had gathered at the edge of the woods to listen in horrified fascination to the sounds of sex and fear that had emanated from the basement of the little cobble house.  
Herobrine casually exited the front door, closing it slowly as he savored the groans and terrified hisses of the lesser monsters gathered outside. They knew who and what he was. He gestured expansively, encompassing the house and the still naked Steve who now shivered within; “MINE.”  
And as the echoes died, the mobs fled as they would the light of the sun. For no beast of the cubeland dared touch that which was claimed by the god of destruction.  
The one they call; Herobrine.


	2. Too Hot, Hot Damn

It was nearly noon when Alex knocked on Steve’s door. It was merely a formality as it wasn’t made to withstand anything that could twist a doorknob. She didn’t know what she expected to find, but hoped that it would not be Steve’s mangled corpse in a room spattered with blood. The Testificates had been quite graphic in their descriptions of what Herobrine did to anyone who would challenge him.  
Alex searched the ground floor and the loft where Steve kept his primary bed and chests, there was some scattered clothing but she suspected it was more a result of poor housekeeping then foul play.  
Finally there was only place left to look; the basement. She swallowed nervously and headed for the dark hole in the corner of the kitchen floor. The stairs leading down were wide but walled off to hide the larger room beyond. With a creeping sense of dread she entered the room.  
Her eyes were immediately drawn to a pool of light. “Steve? Oh my Notch! Steve!”  
The man was dressed but still disheveled. He’d pushed himself as closely into the corner as his broad frame would allow and studded every cube of the floor with torches for several blocks before him. And then she saw the brooding hulk of the summoner pyramid, it was lit from behind by a double block of lava that someone had poured into a hole in the floor. Thankfully the capstone was unlit, or Alex would have turned on her heel and left the stupid miner to sit there in his corner forever. Steve looked at her, but said nothing. She felt anger rise up like a wave and sent it crashing over the fool’s waiting eardrums. “Why did you do it, Steve?! I told you what would happen. What is wrong with you?!” He didn’t answer her, and Alex ripped a torch from the floor and threw it at him. The stick bounced off of Steve who winced as the burning coal singed his hair before clattering against the stone floor.  
“I deserve that.” Steve said quietly. “I knew you were giving me sound advice, but I just couldn’t follow it. I needed to know so badly. Someone like me…? I HAD to try to talk to him.”  
Alex put her hands on her hips, “he beat you senseless, didn’t he?”  
Steve practically shot up from the floor, “NO.” He paced back and forth quickly; his arms clasped together, rubbing them as if for warmth or reassurance. “He... likes me. And I think… I might like him as well.”  
The woman was shocked to see blue pixels falling from Steve’s eyes even though he seemed to making a confession of love in the only way he knew how. The man suddenly yelled, startling her as she tried to process this series of revelations.  
“And I don’t even know why! Dear Gods, Alex, he violated me. I should be furious. He held me down and just took what he wanted from me.” Steve kicked out at the torches in frustration. “I don’t even know how to feel. Because I loved it dammit! I loved every minute of helplessness and terror. He’s a God and he chose ME; useless, stupid Steve that nobody likes.” His gaze was manic and Alex found herself backing away from the intensity in his eyes. “He IS me in some way I can’t explain, but he’s also something so much greater that’s been poisoned with hate and loneliness.”  
Alex frowned sadly. “You need help Steve, and I don’t know anyone who can give it to you. But I do think that the only thing here that’s been poisoned is you. Herobrine is a monster. He’s a thing of chaos that can influence weaker minds. And if you think he’s somehow redeemable, then I’m walking right out that door and never coming back. I fought that demon with everything I had and I’m lucky to be alive to tell you about it. I never want to see him again as long as I live.”  
A voice floated out of the darkness like smoke on the still air. “Oh, why ever not? Especially when I’m so pleased with you.”  
The woman spun, toggling for a weapon, but it was plucked from her hands by Herobrine. He had appeared like an Enderman close enough that she could feel his hot breath on her neck when he spoke. Herobrine examined the glowing bow in his hands. “Nice workmanship, but lets not resort to violence when we’re all getting along so well.” He pressed the bow back into her hands. “You know arrows are only an annoyance to me anyway. Long time no see; Alex.”  
The woman hugged the bow to her chest and stowed it back into her inventory. She pointed an accusing finger at the frightening apparition. “It’s more then that,” she said boldly. “You bowed out of the fight and you stayed away. The villagers told me the secret. You’re afraid of women.”  
The chuckle bubbled up from the depths of the creatures being and spilled from his lips with genuine glee. “Afraid?! That’s nonsense. I grant that there is one woman who can lay me to rest for a while, but you are not her.”  
In the presence of an ally of sorts, Steve found the courage to speak. “Then who is the woman, Herobrine?”  
The demon smiled at Steve, and it was less distressing then his usual ghastly grin. “What’s that my lamb? You wish to know? For you, I will tell. You’re standing on her.” He said simply. “She is the world seed, the stones her bones and water her blood. The Creepers whisper to her, but I have not heard her reply. The other Gods and Goddesses have gone away, or lay down in the earth or amidst the stars to sleep. Only I remain.”  
Alex piped up, “but the villagers told me-“  
“Oh yes, the villagers,” Herobrine sneered. “So truthful, helpful and kind, that they gave food and shelter to an innocent child who appeared from nowhere with nothing but a name on his lips. So accepting they were, until they found that child playing happily in the blacksmiths lava pool with nary a blemish on their flesh.”  
Alex realized what he was saying and felt her lip tremble as Herobrine’s angry voice filled her mind with grim visions.  
“They called me Nether-spawn,” he snarled. “Drove me with blows and stones into a portal and broke the gate so I couldn’t return. I still don’t know how long I wandered, thirsting, starving, being attacked, but never able to die.” Herobrine seemed to flicker and blur before resolving himself, he hissed venomously. “I had to break my own coding to come back to the world; this beautiful place that now rejects me utterly unless someone wants me here enough to call my name.”  
Alex felt tears rolling down her cheeks and without thinking, she flung herself at Herobrine. The creature was so surprised he didn’t bother to teleport out of her way. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed as she wept bitter tears on his tattered shirt.  
The light in Herobrine’s eyes dimmed briefly as he blinked in confusion. “You… a human who was willing to kill me just to prove yourself, would now cry for me?”  
Alex nodded mutely. Herobrine felt so strange in her grasp, he was so warm and the power that he wielded flowed and pulsed like water over her. He seemed to move even while standing still; it was like holding a falling star. Slowly Herobrine raised his arms and returned her hug, melting into the fighters embrace. He wasn’t sure anyone had ever held him with genuine love, but it was a pleasant and novel sensation to have someone care enough to pity him.  
Alex’s words were muffled against the griefer’s chest. “I didn’t understand. If I’d have known how much you were suffering, I would have called just to set you free.”  
Steve felt overwhelmed by it all. He took first one faltering step and then another towards the pair, he was still afraid of Herobrine, but sensed the enormity of the moment at hand. He put his own strong arms around both Alex and Herobrine and let his forehead touch that of his double. Alex disentangled herself as gently as possible and watched the two men draw closer to each other like a pair of magnets.  
Herobrine’s voice was soft, “If Alex can cry for my lost innocence, then I can at least apologize to you. I am sorry Steve. I need someone to summon me or I cannot exist here. I couldn’t risk my one change to put you in my thrall. Your soul is like glass to me, I can see your every desire. Even now your body cries out for the chance to burn once more in my flames.”  
Too his shame, Steve realized how right the ghost was. There was heat gathering in his loins and he resisted the niggling urge to rub against his double.  
Herobrine slipped his hands underneath Steve’s shirt and listened to the miner gasp at the sudden warmth and contact with his bare skin. He whispered in the human’s ear, “Oh Steven, I also would not have taken you by force if I could not see the secret wishes of your heart. I felt your loneliness like a beacon across the worlds. I am not as much of a monster as they say, though I delight in cruelty when the subject is willing or has earned my wrath.” He ran blocky fingers along the edges of Steve’s face and the other man leaned unconsciously into his touch.  
“How do I know this is real?” Steve whispered. “How can I ever know if I really have feelings for you, if you can control me?”  
Herobrine quirked an eyebrow, “What would you have me do? I cannot be less then I am any more then I can destroy myself. What act of trust could earn your love? I have already given you my protection.”  
Alex had been so quiet; the two had almost forgotten she was there until she spoke. “I know a way.” She pointed at Herobrine’s eyes. “Cover your glitches so Steve can see you properly. It’s obvious that normal humans can’t look you in the face without being under your sway to some extent. Let Steve have his way with you, then you can both know if it’s real.”  
Herobrine hesitated, his mouth a tight, thin line. “Only if you do not touch me.”  
“Deal.” Alex unwrapped the wide sash she wore to tighten her tunic at the waist and tossed the strip of green fabric at Steve’s feet. A gesture caused it to bounce into his hands as he untangled himself from his would-be lover.  
Herobrine doubted the wisdom of what he was about to do, but he had so much to gain he was willing to risk it all. Living in the Nether made him want to die most days. It was warm enough, but had nothing else to recommend it. Steve could give him an anchor to stay in the over-world. And a link made of lust or even love, would be far superior to the fine threads of fear he regularly used to hunt the hated Testificates. And Notch help him, he needed this. He could feel the hate and isolation eating at his sanity, lashing out at the mobs day after day until every one of them would rejoice if he were found broken into a hundred pieces. Herobrine held back simmering tears until the sash was laid across his glowing eyes, dotting the fabric with small squares of moisture that he hoped no one would notice.  
Steve kissed the cloth over his eyes and he stood there in blind confusion at the strangeness of the feeling. A hand curled around his and he felt himself led haltingly through endless darkness. Steve pushed him gently down onto the bed and settled on the edge beside him.  
Then the stocky miner got his first good look at the beast they called Herobrine. His double was darker in the flesh, as if the flames of the Nether had tanned him leathery. Herobrine’s clothing was stained with smoke and far more mended then Steve had first supposed. The god laid as still as death while the human ran gentle, calloused hands over his skin. Working his shirt up to his shoulders and nuzzling the flat chest underneath. Piece by piece Herobrine was stripped and left naked.  
Alex was feeling a tad uncomfortable, but still suffering from a burning desire to see how this would pan out. The pleasures of the flesh were not interesting to her personally, but the tableau of two handsome men sharing a tender moment was a rare and beautiful sight to behold. She rolled through her inventory and chose a wool block to place in a discrete corner of the room. Then the woman clambered up on the top of it, and settled down onto the soft fuzz to watch from the shadows.  
The more Steve touched Herobrine, the bigger and more distressing the creature’s grin seemed to become. “You’re so gentle for one who works so hard. I assume you want more of what we have already done, but lack the experience and will to initiate it? Search my pockets Steven; I have spider string and more slime balls if they are needed.” The blindfolded face turned to look at the younger man directly. “Don’t fret, I cannot see, but I can still smell you. I can hear the beating of your hearts; feel your breath on my skin. I took from you and now it’s your turn to take what you want from me. Don’t insult me by holding back, I’m far more durable then you realize.” His teeth seemed to sharpen as he spoke, “you were angry with me before, this is your chance to make me bleed, if you can.”  
With a huff Steve wheeled off the bed, he aggressively shook Herobrine’s pants and watched the items fall out onto the floor. There were a lot of things he didn’t recognize, but the slime was easy to spot, and he chose a switch from a pile of sticks, as well as a pair of shears.  
On the bed Herobrine was whistling softly, his feet up and hands behind his head. He held out his wrists with a smile, assuming Steve was going to tie them. But the miner batted them back down to the bed. He pulled off his shirt and Alex gave a low whistle. “Shut up,” he muttered.  
“Be nice to the lady,” Herobrine said softly. “Her reward for delivering you to me is also getting to see how you behave when the chains of polite society are cast off.”  
Steve blanched at the thought, and as he turned to speak, the demon shushed him gently. “Focus on me Steve, it’s the least you can do when I’m putting myself at your mercy.”  
“Fine. Get on your hands and knees.”  
Herobrine complied with a shrug, he was more curious then aroused, but his equipment still hung heavy and low between his slender thighs. It was almost half a torch in length and the beast groaned as Steve grabbed it roughly. He’d slicked his left hand with slime and now used it to slowly stroke the griefer’s favorite tool. The blinded man bucked into his hand, and then jumped as Steve laid the switch in a hot white stripe against the back of his legs. Herobrine’s cry of pain and desire was the last thing Steve expected to hear, and he hesitated before hitting his double again. The cry was louder the second time.  
There was a certain madness to the punishment Steve doled out, both the men had some serious issues, and right now the miner was boiling with all the anger he’d suppressed in the face of the gods unbeatable power. He bit into Herobrine’s back with a snarl, the moan of enjoyment it elicited only making him more determined and wild. The human used the shears to scratch his doubles flesh, leaving weeping lines of dribbling red pixels that stained the white sheets below.  
“That’s the way…” Herobrine hissed, goading him into greater violence. “Are you going to ride me Steven? Or see for yourself what I feel like on the inside?”  
Steve bit his lip to suppress the noises that were bubbling up. He was harder then obsidian and needed to decide how exactly to take his revenge on the willing griefer. He wanted to feel the god inside of him again, but it was difficult to pass up a chance to reciprocate his own harsh treatment. He picked up the slime ball again; it was smaller after he had used it on his hand. Steve pushed the little ball up against the demons hole and rubbed it back and forth. Herobrine practically purred, rutting back against the slippery object like a cat in heat. He opened himself with the smooth edges and pressed against it so insistently that it popped inside.  
The sudden intrusion short circuited the delicate balance that kept the glitchy god’s body intact. And Steve was forced to draw back his hands as Herobrine rolled uncontrollably, his form twitching out of shape, and throwing bits of light where his limbs misaligned and shot back into place. His chest heaved as he fought to maintain control; it felt good, perhaps too good. With shaking limbs he managed to raise himself back up to his hands and knees. He grit his teeth in determination, he was not going to teleport back to the hated Nether, who knew when he’d get another chance to come back? If ever. “Satiate your need for revenge my lamb, so we can proceed afresh. Take me now. Drive it deep and cool the fire that rages inside me.”  
His decision made for him, Steve climbed up and pressed his hips against those of his foe. Remembering how Herobrine had done it to him, Steve pressed the blunt head of his own tool against the dripping hole that was being so graciously presented. The god groaned in pleasure and pain, forcing himself back against Steve, feeling the quickly dissolving ball go even deeper inside. Steve was just as large as his double and with a little maneuvering, the two of them fit together perfectly. He jammed his pelvis forward, and his other met him halfway, the two slamming so hard they flickered with red flashes of pain even as they moaned and snarled in ecstasy.  
Neither heard the quiet clicks of Alex taking some choice screenshots for later.  
Herobrine was so relieved he couldn’t help but laugh. “And they call me a beast! Who knew my lamb was a wolf in disguise all along?” Steve blushed crimson, but did not slow in his abuse of his doppelgangers ass. He lashed out with whatever was to hand, to break the rhythm of Herobrine’s laughter with pain that he was clearly enjoying. It was so hard to focus. The griefer was not only tight, but unnaturally hot inside. Herobrine had more then just the eyes of a burning star.  
Steve could stand it no more, he pulled himself free. Whimpering as he stuck his sun-burnt manhood with a hiss into a bucket of water that had fallen out of Herobrine’s inventory.  
The god sat up, his wide mouth compressed into a small frown. “Steve? Are you all right? No human has ever done that to me, and I wasn’t sure if it would even be possible.”  
The miner panted, “I’m okay. There was just a bit too much… friction.”  
Herobrine raised a hand, and then hesitated, “can I take this off now?”  
“Oh, yeah. Go ahead. I’m hurting too badly to continue anyway.”  
His double undid the sash and looked down at what Steve had done to his body. He’d taken much worse beatings, but it was still a good effort for a beginner. Dark shadows and welts spotted everything from his waist down; he was crisscrossed with bleeding scratches and semicircles where the miner had bitten him in frustration. The gods hips throbbed from the lashing of the switch. His cock was weeping ghastly tears, and his severely widened hole dribbled greenish slime.  
He noticed both Steve and Alex staring at him with obvious concern. “I’ve had worse,” he stated cheerfully. “Though I think it’s my turn to choose the game we play.” He slid off the bed and crackled his knuckles. “I need a bath, and you-” he turned his glowing eyes to Steve, “-are going to join me.”  
Steve turned white with fear. “You said you wouldn’t punish me for getting even with you!”  
“And I won’t, you’ll just have to trust me; like I trusted you.”  
Alex looked at him confused, “what the Nether Steve? He just wants you to help him clean up. You beat a man that badly and then refuse him some aftercare? You are a jerk.”  
Steve gave the woman a murderous glare and gestured to the lava pool, “that’s the tub.”  
“Oh.”  
The demons tone was almost gratingly cheerful, “give me a moment and I’ll get it ready for us.” They watched in horrified fascination as Herobrine widened the two-block pool of lava into a nine-square and filled it to the brim. The heat was blistering and Steve’s eyes began to water at the thought of even going near that pond of instant death.  
The god smiled, “oh don’t be like that, this will be fun.”  
“I’m going to die.”  
His double made an effort to look less threatening as he sidled inexorably closer to the nervous human. “Silly Steven, I didn’t go to this much trouble to make cooked chops from my little lamb. I even brought you a special gift just for this occasion.” Herobrine flicked through his stash and landed on a brightly colored orb of red, orange, yellow and green. Casually he tossed it too high for the miner to catch, and then chuckled as the ball splattered wetly against the top of Steve’s head.  
The human hissed in revulsion, the stuff was cold and slimy and tingled against his bare skin. It seemed to crawl with a purpose down his form, coating every pixel with a thin layer of clear sludge. Steve squeezed his eyes shut, regretting his choices of the past few days and fervently wishing he was somewhere else.  
Alex could only watch, silent and spellbound. They really had no options to fight Herobrine no matter what the vengeful god decided to do to them, and she felt bad for being relieved that the demon apparently preferred to lay with men. Besides, she knew Steve would just respawn if the beast killed him. And perhaps that would teach the foolish miner to never trust Herobrine again.  
Steve could only shiver, his mind cracking under the strain.  
Herobrine took his hand and patted it soothingly. “There, there, I think you’ll learn to love it when you realize what it’s best for. Good medicine is rarely pleasant on the tongue.” He used his supernatural strength to pull Steve down until the man was kneeling beside the lava pool. Herobrine could not stop himself from grinning even though he knew it was making a least one of the humans even more afraid.  
“Please don’t.” Steve was shaking like a leaf as the monster pulled his hand ever closer to the surface of the liquid stone.  
“Trust me.”  
He closed his eyes against the burning light of the lava, and the even brighter glow of the griefer’s eyes.  
Alex realized she was also holding her breath, dreading the inevitable gory sight of Steve having his fingers burned off, but unable to turn away or stop it from happening.  
As Steve braced for the pain he realized his hand was enveloped in something that was effervescent and not unpleasantly warm. He closed his hand and felt the slimy substance flow thickly between his fingers. The miner ventured a look and realized he was actually holding a handful of lava.  
With a laugh, Herobrine slipped his own naked body into the pool. He smiled, the heat soothing his battered corporeal form, and leaned back against the wall as the fire washed him clean and smoothed the wounds from his skin. “You should join me while you can, the magma cream doesn’t last forever and I think you’ll find it soothing in several ways.”  
Tentatively Steve ventured a toe into the white hot surface, but the pain still didn’t come.  
“Sissy” Herobrine chuckled. He grabbed Steve’s ankle roughly and pulled him in. The pool was only waist deep and instinctual panic helped the miner find the footing to keep his head above the surface. The man flailed for a moment, sending burning droplets hissing onto the cobble floor around them.  
Grabbing his shoulders, Herobrine set Steve upright against the floor under the surface. The lava was up to his chest and it still looked like he was fighting the urge to start screaming and never stop. The god reached out and petted his hair gently, even pulling him close for an embrace. “See,” he murmured, “I told you you’d be safe.” He looked over at Alex, “I’d invite you to join us, but I only had one cream with me.”  
“I’m good, thanks.”  
His glowing eyes narrowed, “of course you are…” He knew how glad she was that he preferred to lavish his unholy attention on Steve,  
“Herobrine, I don’t feel so… oh…” Steve shivered despite the heat. He suddenly realized why Herobrine loved the lava so much. It, like the cream, seemed to find every cranny and orifice and clasp around it, as though the stone was trying to cool into a thin shell against his skin. It was like being hugged on every outer surface all at once, and the cracking of the cooling stone each time he moved caused a pleasant bubbling as the bits were reabsorbed into the hot mass around him. It pressed warmly against his orifices and he felt himself hardening at the thought of making love in this literal stew of creation.  
The god had been watching him with a quirky smile, but it suddenly turned to concern. His would-be lover was turning a little red, and that meant the cream was wearing off. Without hesitation he stood up like a monster emerging from the fiery ocean of the Nether, and grabbed Steve like one would a cat. “You’re out of time,” he said, “best to not spoil a lovely experience with unnecessary death.” He set the human gently back onto the cool stones and brushed the few remaining blobs of lava from his hair.  
Herobrine noticed Steve’s erection and gave him a smug look. “Changed your mind about the lava, didn’t I?”


	3. A Fresh Start for a Stony Heart

He became aware of a surface thought from Alex and addressed her with a smirk. “One blaze powder and one slime ball my little archer. You should have no difficulty attaining either.”  
Alex blushed a bit at the compliment and made a note of the ingredients. She hated the Nether almost as much as Herobrine, but it was hard to avoid the occasional trip for alchemy materials.  
Steve looked up at Herobrine from his kneeling position on the floor. The god looked every bit an Adonis from this angle. The lava had somehow healed every bit of damage that the human had inflicted and left him smooth as an Ender pearl. His tiny cubical nipples stood at attention in the comparatively chilly air, and his manhood was hanging pendulously at the miner’s eye level. For the moment Herobrine was distracted talking to Alex and the turn of his head was flattering to the sharp angles of his regal profile, and his shining white eyes left glowing spots on the human’s retinas. An insistent throb in his lower regions caused him to bite his lip. Though the two were functionally identical, Steve doubted he ever wore it near as well and he was feeling a pull towards the apparition once again. Neither of them had had a chance to finish and Steve was feeling more then a little needy. He’d been roughly initiated into the art of lovemaking, and now his poor addicted body was crying out for more stimulation. He knew Herobrine could read thoughts, so he’d only have a moment to act, as those eyes were already turning back towards him.  
“Steve?”  
The griefer had no time to react before the human struck him like a snake. He let out a strangled groan as Steve wrapped his lips around Herobrine’s generous cock. The god felt his knees buckling as the miner worshiped his penis with lips and throat. He laid hands on Steve’s shoulders to steady himself and noticed that the muscular adventurer didn’t budge an inch from the extra weight. So rough and wild a human, deliciously unpredictable, he might grow to like this one. “Oh, my me, naughty little lamb, where did you learn to do that?”  
Now it was Alex’s turn to laugh. “I taught him that one Herobrine.” She ticked off items on her fingers, “milk, sugar, snowballs, cocoa beans, eggs. I can craft some mean frozen treats. Licky, licky, Steve!”  
Herobrine gasped in ecstasy, “good job both of you clever crafters.” Steve grumbled a little around his mouthful and redoubled his efforts. He cupped a rough palm around the two soft cubes that twitched behind the demons shaft. They were blazing hot and terribly sensitive, at least judging by the shiver that coursed through Herobrine when they were fondled gently.  
The god’s eyes seemed to glow even brighter, two painful stars burning into Steve’s soul. Herobrine was whispering to him, so quiet he wondered if the voice was only in his head. “I sense it in you my lamb, this is what you want. To give it all at the feet of someone even stronger then you. Someone who can take control, if only for a day, if only for a moment, so you can… let go.”  
Strange emotions were welling up inside the miner; he wasn’t sure if it was Herobrine’s inherent ability to control minds or just his own stress getting the better of him. He was proud to be self-reliant but it would be nice to share the burden sometimes. Alex was the only one he could confide in on any level, but he knew she didn’t need him or anyone else. A single tear escaped his eye and the demon swept it away with a gentle finger even as his hips moved in time with his double’s lips.  
“Is that how it is?” The sinister voice whispered. The sound seemed to slink in at his hindbrain without ever crossing his ears. “Then perhaps we can come to some kind of agreement. But first… swallow.”  
His body trembling with both budding promise and arousal; Herobrine released inside the lips that clasped his rod so tenderly. Steve swallowed his seed and kept on gulping trying to prove his worth to the one he felt compelled to worship this way. The gods body sparked with tiny lights as he guided the other man gently off of his member. He ran his hands through his doubles hair, praising with a touch.  
Herobrine knelt down level with the human, moving square fingers sensually down the others skin; prickling it with energy. His touch was like static and Steve found himself shivering. It was arousal bordering on pain, every nerve aflame with stimulation. The griefer had an electric touch and he used it to make his counterpart hard and weeping. He kissed Steve, over and over, every contact making him jump as his coding was interfered with. And when Herobrine finally laid hands on Steve’s straining member, the man came so hard he toppled to the floor. His body spasming as the fierce orgasms shot through his form.  
Alex shouted in alarm as Steve fell, his body twitching uncontrollably. But the god held her back with the weight of a gesture. “Fear not, he will survive. And trust me that he enjoyed it”  
Herobrine paused a moment, “and stop looking at the pyramid. It’s not a power source and altering it won’t banish me.” He pointed to the quaking form on the floor. “I came because of him, and I debased him because that’s what he both wanted and was most afraid of.”  
Steve managed to work up to his hands and knees, his eyes were wild and he gasped. “But I called you, it’s my summoner and I can send you away.”  
Herobrine frowned in irritation. “I don’t think any of you understand, the summoner doesn’t control me. It’s a portal but I don’t have to answer its call. I came to you, Steve, because I sensed that you were important somehow. If the one who called me has no fear, if they turn their back on me and take away the energy they expended in calling me- then I must withdraw. I can be banished from their presence or world; and if they manage to forget me, they will never see me again. So I am reduced to terrorizing the Testificates both to feed my desire for revenge and to keep their fear alive so that I may keep returning to this world.” Herobrine suddenly felt every inch of his nakedness and vulnerability. He looked into the human’s eyes, hoping for something, anything, perhaps a miracle. Both were frowning sadly as he spoke, hanging on his every word.  
He moved closer to the rugged miner, holding out empty hands. “Do you want me here, Steven? I need to hear from your own lips that my presence is welcome.”  
Steve thought about it, the demonic gods misguided cruelty was confusing, especially since he seemed to crave it in a way he could not logically explain. Herobrine may have been eyeless, but the look on his face still communicated the deepest sadness and need. It was as if he knew in his hearts that honestly, no one wanted him. And there was where the kinship lay. Because Steve felt the same way; Alex tolerated him, the villagers all but rejected him, and there was no one else to reach out for in the darkness. Even having an evil ghost at his side would be better then being alone. He picked up Herobrine’s clothes and passed them to him.  
“Yes,” Steve said firmly. “I want you to stay here in the Overworld.” He hesitated, to quell the shaking in his voice. “Stay here with me.”  
Herobrine seemed to inhale the words, the glow in his eyes becoming more intense. He seemed firmer somehow, more grounded. The cubes shifted under his feet as he redressed himself. It was as if the world seed was adjusting to the weight of another player in the game of life.  
He turned his white fire to Alex. “And what of you? You had a hand in my summoning, not once, but twice. Would you allow a griefer to exist in your world? Even knowing that I will make life unpleasant for the Testificates?”  
“Will you kill them?”  
“Oh, certainly. But they come back; they live forever, like you.”  
She shrugged, “then you can stay.”  
Steve looked surprised, “I thought they were your friends Alex?”  
The archer snorted in disbelief. “Not for all the times they’ve taken advantage of me when I was in desperate need. I’ve been attacked by mobs in or near their villages before and no one ever lifted a finger to help me. They’re greedy and insular and if that wasn’t their normal way of acting I’d be much less inclined to believe that they exiled Herobrine for being immune to lava.” She looked at the griefer who seemed to be lost in painful thoughts. “Besides, even if I believed that you are entirely evil, I don’t think anyone deserves to be confined to a place of terrible monsters, pain, starvation, and thirst for an eternity. I’ve been to the Nether, its awful there. I don’t trust you Herobrine, but if Steve wants you around, I’ll support him in that.”  
She turned to Steve, who had just finished redressing himself. “I know how out of place and lonely you have been, and it’s not up to me to make decisions about how you should live your life.”  
Herobrine smiled widely, he took a breath and drank in the energy of Alex’s invitation. TWO connections to the world! And solid ones based on real want, not the thin threads of fear he used to hunt the Testificates.  
The strange feeling of being less ethereal washed over him, and the sudden heaviness made him sway in place for a moment before setting down with a thump on the low gold step of the summoner.  
Steve came to his side, “are you okay?”  
“Just… getting real.” He rubbed his hands, really feeling the texture and warmth of his own skin. The god had not felt this alive since being banished as a fresh spawn so long ago. “Being welcomed is a much different feeling then being called by fear and hatred. I think… I want to go outside for a moment.” He turned his blind eyes upward, “its daylight up there, I can sense it. Please excuse me for a little while.” And in the blink of an eye he glitched and was gone.  
Alex grinned, “That was a quick retreat. I think someone was feeling a bit too happy for a minute there.” She jumped down from her wool block and walked closer to Steve. The archer looked the disheveled miner over appraisingly. “Well, you’re still an impulsive idiot. But I’m glad you’re not hurt.”  
“Thanks, I think.”  
“Congratulations on your new boyfriend. At least the two of you will never argue about who’s the prettiest.”  
“You think I’m making a really bad mistake, don’t you?”  
Alex laughed, “oh, absolutely! This is utterly insane. But life is about making stupid mistakes, where’s the fun if you never take any chances?”  
“Ugh.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine stood on Steve’s porch, taking deep breaths of the cool forest air. He skimmed a few surface thoughts from the conversation downstairs. He knew Alex wasn’t fond of him, but she also wasn’t willing to banish him, and that was enough for a foot hold. He turned his attention to the beautiful wilderness around him.  
He’d heard the girl say the name as a swear, so it was worth a shot. The god moved his fingers delicately in the air, conjuring words that swiftly faded upward and away. “Notch? Are you there, is anyone listening?”  
There was no reply save the wind in the trees. The ghost sighed, that made things easier. He needed only keep his mischief to a minimum and his profile low to prevent being deleted by some higher force for being a glitch in an otherwise perfect system.  
The door opened with a squeak behind him. “Steve?” He said without turning, “would you mind if I built a house nearby?”  
The man seemed surprised by the simple question; presumably he thought the griefer would want to stay with him. “Yes, of course! Do you want anything? Would you like me to help you?”  
“No.” He replied softly, “I want to do this myself; I’ve never done it before. But I would be obliged if you’d lend me some cobbles, and maybe,” he felt his white eyes misting and rubbed them with his sleeve. “-a bed?”  
Steve laid a broad palm on his shoulder, “anything for a friend.”  
“Well-,” Alex rubbed her hands together. “It sounds like you both have a lot on your minds and I need to go home and feed my cats.” She dug into her inventory. “Take this with my blessings okay?” The woman emptied out her stock at the feet of the melancholy god, giving him a stack of wood and torches as well as a crafting table and an iron pickaxe. She took his hands and stared a moment in to his glowing visage. “Welcome to the Overworld; player Herobrine. Remember the creed- Mine today, fight tomorrow, craft forever.”  
Herobrine smiled at her and she let go, giving the pair a wave before disappearing down the gravel path. 

* * * * * * * * * *


	4. Herobrine's Coffee House

[About a week later] 

Alex could see the light in the kitchen was on, so she let herself in. “Steve? It’s Alex.”  
“I’m in here.”  
“Wow, that smells good. What are you doing?”  
Steve turned from the little stone furnace and pulled out a baking dish. “Just making a pie. My pumpkins are coming up like weeds; I’ve got plenty of raw ingredients if you want one too.”  
The woman slid onto a bench. “Please. That would be great! I’ll make it up to you.” She coughed, “so… how’s our… friend?”  
Steve poured ingredients into a fresh bowl and started another pie. “I’m not sure really. After you left, he told me he needed some time to think things over and work on his house alone. He wanted to give me some head-space since he can read thoughts so easily. I haven’t talked to him in a couple of days. I thought I’d take him some food and check on him.”  
“Yeah.” Alex said softly, “I brought him a couple of things too. But I wanted to touch base with you first. If only so I wouldn’t interrupt anything.”  
Steve slid onto the bench across from the archer while the fire roared in the furnace. “So… how have you been?”  
“About the same, I had a close call with an Enderman the other day, tamed another ocelot, and the crops are coming up nicely. You?”  
“Not much on my end, got bit by a wolf, found a nice cache of diamonds in the southern part of my mine. Alex? It’s weird, but I just can’t stop thinking about him. I kept hoping he’d come over on his own, but I think I’ll have to go to him. I just hope he hasn’t done anything rash.”  
The miner stared at the fire and watched it slowly die. He got up and took the pie out of the oven. “All done. My one to take is already cooled, if you want to leave this one here and get it on your way back by to go home that’s fine with me.”  
“Okay.”

* * * * * * * * * *

The path to Herobrine’s house was short but still weirdly overgrown. He’d put it in a place where Steve could see it if he stood on his own roof, but not visible through the trees at ground level. The structure was simple, a rounded tower with a square protrusion on one side, surrounded by a low wall of cobbles and fence rails. He’d peaked the roof in a tall point with staircase blocks and there were no windows at all on the first floor.  
Alex went to knock on the door, but it squeaked open before her knuckles could touch it. The two ventured into the voluminous space within, and the door slammed shut violently behind them.  
“Herobrine?” Steve called out tentatively. His voice echoed weirdly. The tower was mostly hollow with a winding stair around the outer wall up to a half floor above. The larger room was closed off with a door and nothing was visible in the gloom of the room above it. The space was lit by a central pool of lava inset into the floor and the wall torches were all redstone.  
Alex whispered into Steve’s ear, “I see being in the Overworld hasn’t cramped his sense of style. He really likes the haunted house look.”  
A voice floated down from above. “I just like the darkness really.” Herobrine leaned on the balcony rail, his white eyes shining like stars in the shadows. The apparition straightened his back with a creak and came down the stairs. “I think I was spawned to be a hostile mob type, my eyes are rather sensitive to full daylight.”  
Steve gave Herobrine a warm smile and opened his arms for a hug. The griefer hesitated, still uncomfortable with letting someone who might have a weapon stand that close to him. He grudgingly allowed himself to be embraced, patting Steve’s broad shoulders and taking a deep whiff of the miner’s scent before releasing him.  
“Hello, Alex. What brings you both to my abode?”  
Steve piped up before Alex could answer. “I brought you some food. I wanted to make sure you were okay over here by yourself.” He looked around, “do you have a chest I can put it in?”  
“Thank you Steve, that’s very thoughtful of you. I seem to be good at growing netherwort but not so great at other things.” The demon gestured to the back room, “it’s in there with my table and furnace.” Herobrine walked around to the other side of the lava pool, gesturing at a bench that ran along the wall as Steve disappeared into the back room. Alex sat down where he indicated and the god sat on the floor, trailing his feet in the slurry of boiling stone. She knew it didn’t hurt him, but it was still a surreal sight. She made an intuitive leap, “are you having trouble acclimatizing?”  
“Yeessss. Just a bit. It’s much colder and windier in the Overworld then I’m used too.” He laced his fingers, clearly ill at ease. The silence stretched out between them. “I’m not comfortable missing anything about my former prison, okay?”  
Alex smiled softly, “I understand. People can get used to any situation, however terrible, if enough time passes. If you need someone to talk too, I’m always willing.”  
The eyes were inscrutable, but the face registered a pleasant surprise. He could sense her truth and it was a refreshing feeling. “Thank you. I’m making the best of a fresh start and I appreciate it. Fortunately I seem to be good at finding lava pools underground before I dig into them by accident. I’ll just bring up whatever I need to keep the house warm.”  
At that point Steve came back in, ticking items off on his fingers, “let’s see, I gave you half a stack of cooked pork chops, several fish, a pumpkin pie, and five carrots.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Have you had any issues with things spawning in your house? It’s awfully dark in here.”  
Herobrine grinned horribly. “I’ve been collecting heads. They wouldn’t dare spawn in here. Want to see them?”  
Steve chuckled, “Not right this moment, but yes. That’s a hard trick to pull off. But I’ve noticed the mobs are avoiding me too, thanks for that. I bet it’s because they think I’m you.” The god cocked an eyebrow in response, “perhaps.”  
“So how do you like mining?” Alex asked cheerfully. “I imagine it’s pretty tranquil if the monsters are avoiding you.”  
“Actually, I’m finding it quite difficult.”  
“Why?”  
The griefer colored just slightly, “I’m too strong. I keep destroying things accidentally.” He stood, dusting a few gray pixels off his pants. “But it leads me to an important question I have for both of you. Can either of you spare a diamond? I know it’s a big deal, but I can find something to make it worth trading with me. I only need one.”  
Steve sucked in air through his teeth and looked sideways at Alex. It was such a large thing to ask it was almost a social faux pas. But at the same time, having the griefer’s goodwill could be worth far more then even a diamond.  
Alex made an effort to muddy her thoughts so it didn’t seem like she was making a decision one way or the other. “What do you have to trade?”  
His expression was as excited as a child’s, “something new!” Herobrine said breathlessly. “Wait here.”  
The miner and the archer looked at each other as the apparition left them alone. “This is my fault,” Steve said glumly. “Whatever it is, I’ll give him one of mine. I’ve got one on me already. You owe me a favor though.”  
“Deal. I’m rather curious to see what he does with it. I’m betting enchanting table if he doesn’t already have one.”  
Herobrine came back into the room with a full inventory, and dropped two wooden posts and flat switches on the floor to serve as a table; he pulled up a bench and sat down across from the adventurers. A brewing stand went up and he filled it with bottles of water, before producing a handful of brown beans.  
“Those are cocoa beans,” Steve shrugged, “nothing new. Did you learn how to make hot chocolate? Alex showed me that one.”  
He waved the suggestion away, “look closer. See the lines across them? I call them coffee beans. They’re glitched from cocoa beans, just a few steps from the original. But the use is far different.”  
Alex moved forward, “wait, are you glitching things intentionally? That’s probably not a safe thing to be doing.”  
“It was that or break my legs.”  
“Um, I think I’d like to hear this story from the beginning. What do beans have to do with breaking your legs?”  
Herobrine bit his lip in concentration as he funneled the beans into the top of the brewing stand. “You know those massive jungle trees that are extra tall? I was picking beans near the canopy and got startled by a small slime. I fell and teleported myself to the ground to avoid getting hurt. When I reappeared, the cocoa had turned into these. I’ve been able to grow more since, they make green pods on birch wood and you have to cook them before they’re good for anything. There, all done.” He pulled a bottle from the stand and passed it. “Try it.”  
Steve took the hot glass in hand and regarded the dark brown liquid with deep suspicion. He pressed the bottle to his lips and took a small swig before handing it to Alex. The miner’s eyes crossed comically. “YOW! That’s bitter!”  
Alex smacked her lips. “Interesting flavor. Does it do anything?” She checked her buffs quietly. “Oh! A speed boost, that’s useful. And you don’t need to make the awkward potion first?”  
“Nope, now watch this.” With a flourish Herobrine added a bucket of milk to the stand and they watched the creamy liquid filter down into the remaining two bottles. He passed the result for inspection.  
“Oh, that’s even better” Alex said. “And… now it has a defense bonus too?”  
Steve made a face, “it may be useful, but it still needs something to cut that bite.”  
The god put up a finger, “I have one more trick up my sleeve.” He added sugar to the final bottle and gave it a good shake before passing it to them. This time it was Steve’s turn to swoon. “That’s the kind of stuff a man could wake up for.”  
Alex looked at her internal display, “the third level version has both a speed and a defense bonus and longer for both then the first and second levels. This is excellent work.” Her grin was wry as she continued her thought. “But I still think I like it better without the sugar.”  
Herobrine beamed, “I’ve been growing the stuff like crazy, and I’ll trade a full stack of beans and help you grow more for a single diamond. Please?”  
Steve nodded, “Okay.” He ruffled around in his inventory as Herobrine plonked a 64 stack of coffee beans on the table between them. The beans bounced up to his doubles hand and the miner produced a single shining diamond. Steve looked at the light glittering off the stone. “I hope you understand that trade or no, this is a special thing to give someone.”  
“Oh… I’m aware.” And Steve tried his best not to shiver visibly when he felt a foot creep up under his pants leg as the god played footsies with him under the table. He coughed. “I’d like to see what you’re going to make, if that’s okay?”  
“Certainly; if you hadn’t asked I was going to tell you. It relates to the problem I’ve been having breaking things. Because I actually don’t need the entire diamond; I only need six pixels of it.” He stood and held the diamond in his fist.  
“Wait, you aren’t going to…” Whatever Alex was about to say was lost in the earsplitting noise that resulted from the griefer suddenly crushing the diamond in his bare hand. Both adventurers covered their ears, cringing in agony.  
Herobrine opened his hand and let the individual pixels scatter across the broad surface of his palm. He seemed confused by their reaction. “Wait. Did that actually hurt you?”  
“YES!”  
And then Alex said more quietly, “yes. What you’ve just demonstrated is utterly impossible to the best of my knowledge, and that noise was very painful to hear.”  
Steve added, trying not to yell, “You didn’t know, we’re not mad. Just please don’t do that close to us again. I feel like someone just buried a pickaxe in my skull.”  
“Forgive me, friends. But I really want to show you why I needed it this way.” Herobrine held the shards close to his chest and let them up the stairs, he flicked a few torches against the wall and the pair gasped.  
“Holy…”  
“Oh my Notch…”  
Neither had ever seen so many heads. Herobrine had truly mastered the art of agitating creepers and leading them right into crowds of the other mob types. The pile was a small pyramid in its own right, and mostly composed of skeleton heads. And at the foot of it was an ordinary crafting table with a purple wool rug draped over its surface. What was sitting on it seemed to be warping space slightly, a half-finished tool with gaps like an unfinished jigsaw puzzle.  
Herobrine hesitated for a moment, having an idea. He moved behind Alex like lightning, and she felt his blocky fingers brush either side of her head. Just as fast Steve felt his left hand being grabbed and as the god’s fingers slipped over the surface he felt a pixel slot into place on his hand.  
Alex touched her head, “diamond earrings made from single pixel bits. Nice.”  
Steve looked at his hand, “a ring?”  
Herobrine shrugged, “would you have preferred earrings as well? I don’t judge.”  
“No… this is fine. Thank you.”  
He turned back to the table, lifting the bits of diamond and slotting them into the empty places. One brick of four and two singles into the handle of a hand scythe with a deep purple blade. He braced his feet and pulled on the weapon. It seemed to be glued to the table and squares of sweat formed on his brow.  
Alex sidled up next to him, “when it releases you’re going to punch yourself in the face with it. Let’s try sliding it off.” And the three laid their hands on the new tool and gave a great heave of effort. The blade slid grudgingly across the wool surface and came loose into Herobrine’s hands. He cradled it like a newborn, and the remaining diamond shards fell glittering from his fingers into nothingness. “It’s made of broken blocks, I set the bits myself.”  
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Steve breathed. “What did you use?”  
“One obsidian block, two sticks, and your diamond.” He swished it experimentally and the others tasted a rising tang in their mouths, as if they were close to lightning. “I finally have a tool that’s truly mine.”


	5. Going Down With a Glitchy Tool

"So what kind of tool did you intend it to be Herobrine?" Alex asked. "It's got a curve like a hoe, I bet you could cut crops with it."  
"Or slice mob throats." Steve added, "Pickaxes have curves too. And those diamond knots on the back where the blade is connected look like the rear of an axe or hammer."  
Herobrine watched them dicker back and forth for a moment until they both turned to him and Alex asked. "So what did you mean for it to do? I don't know about Steve but I’m tasting metal." The miner nodded in ascent, and added, "I don't see a glow but that feels like an enchanted weapon. Did you use something other then your glitch to make it?"  
"I... don't know. It just felt right." He turned the curved blade over and over in his hands. "I couldn't get the pixels to stick together, they kept fading away. But I cut myself on an obsidian shard and those pieces hung around for a lot longer without despawning. It's bound in my blood; I used it as glue."  
The adventurer's eyes were taking up most of their faces.  
"What? It's no big deal, I can heal myself quickly even without the lava."  
Then he noticed that they were looking at the weapon, and he turned his own gaze to the thing in his hands. The color of both the wood and stone were shifting subtly. Fourteen pixels, spread randomly across the shaft and blade, had turned a deep bloody red. "Oh."  
"Herobrine..." Steve breathed, "I wonder if..." The miner reached out a hand toward the tool and the god held it out for his double to take. But it was impossible. The more Steve reached for it the hotter his hand became until he drew it back suddenly, as if burned. He sucked his fingers in pain, "I thought so."  
"It's his, isn't it?" Alex asked sagely. "You can't take it and I bet he can't give it away. It's not enough a part of the world now that it's off the table and complete. Try to put it down."  
Puzzled, Herobrine tried to do as the archer suggested, but found it impossible. He could change the weapon hand to hand but not put it down or hand it to someone else. It vanished for a moment as he flicked to something else in his inventory and then to an empty hand. So at least he wasn't stuck holding it forever. He flipped back to it, swishing it in the air. It made a sighing noise as he moved it.  
"It's the blood," Alex stated, "It has to be. You made it part of you and now it can't exist anywhere but in contact with you."  
Steve shrugged, "well at least you'll never be without a weapon. What will you call it?"  
Herobrine thought for a moment, "You mean an anvil tag? No, that's not right for this." He swung it, listening to the noise. "I'll call it a scythe. And that will be enough because it will be the only one." He smiled sadly. "Just like me."  
"What about me?" Steve asked, feigning hurt. "We’re not exactly the same, but we look it."  
Alex rolled her eyes.  
Herobrine looked at her sideways, "yes, I know Alex, we deserve each other. That thought seems to occur to you quite often."  
The archer colored slightly. "Don't do that, it's embarrassing, and unfair too since we can't read your thoughts."  
He frowned, "you wouldn't want too. I've seen things..." He shook his head to banish the unpleasant memories. Herobrine flicked the scythe into his inventory and came up with a cookie. He offered it to the pair, "I need this, but I have lots. Do you want some?"  
"No, that's okay." Alex looked at her watch, "I've been here three cycles, and I need to go feed my critters. Steve, do you mind if I pick up that pie on my way home? I don't want you to forget you told me to and freak because someone was in your house."  
"Go ahead, and pick a few pumpkins for yourself too. I'm sure they're ready again. I could build a small house out of jack-o-lanterns at this point."  
Herobrine finished munching on the cookie and shuffled through his things. He came up with a quarter stack of coffee beans. "Here, take these and plant them on the trunk of a birch tree. I don't know if I could ever do that glitch again, so it's best to propagate and spread them just in case."  
Alex caught the beans and nodded gratefully. "Good luck with the scythe too. I'll admit that glitching doesn't make me spectacularly comfortable, but you're making some excellent new discoveries. Just... be safe, okay? You have friends now who care about you."  
She could see he was fighting not to smile too widely, and she gave his shoulder a friendly swat before heading down the stairs and outside. The door squeaked shut behind her and Steve found himself alone with his double. Suddenly it seemed as if the air pressure had increased.  
"Please don't do that pushing thing," Steve said quietly. "You know I'm here for you if you want me, just say so."  
Herobrine shrugged. "Okay." He held out a hand, still smiling, and Steve took it tentatively. But instead of leading him, Herobrine only pulled them together. He leaned his forehead against the griefer’s and they fit together as if made for one another. "I missed you," the god whispered. "I've been so cold without my little lamb to keep me warm."  
Steve smiled wryly, "I didn't want to intrude. Building one's first house is kind of a special thing." Impulsively he pressed his lips to those of his counterpart, and Herobrine responded in kind. His mouth still tasted of chocolate and Steve found himself relaxing against Herobrine until the gods hands were the only thing holding him up. They pulled apart slightly and the griefer set him on his feet.  
"We should take this elsewhere," Herobrine suggested smoothly, "after all, I haven't shown you what I did with the bed you so graciously gave me."  
Steve smiled weakly, "once more into the wolves den I go."  
"I'm here because of you Steve, say the word and I'll stop. I promise."  
The miner dismissed the offer with a limp wave. "I wouldn't, maybe not even if you were killing me slowly. I've been dreaming about you."  
Herobrine blanched, "I haven't! I wouldn't haunt your dreams! You've been far kinder to me then I deserve!"  
"No silly, good dreams." Steve kissed Herobrine's ruddy cheek as his arms snaked around his double. "About you and me. Together."  
The gods grin was ear to ear and he stooped suddenly and swept Steve off his feet, carrying the stocky adventurer like a bride towards the back room. At the rear of the near-pitch-dark kitchen was a passage downward that Steve hadn't seen earlier. He carried his human lover as if the man weighted nothing and set him gently at the bottom of the stairs. With a wave of his hands the red-stone torches along the walls burst into shuddering electrical flame. The room was still dark, mostly because the floor and one wall were entirely made of black wool. In the center was the bed, with iron bars set into the floor at the head and foot of it. A red wool sofa and a small chest rested against one wall and the other was nothing but bookcases.  
Herobrine regarded his tender prey with a raised eyebrow. He could hear Steve wondering what he'd signed up for, but also feel his growing excitement at the prospect of another session with the supernatural entity he'd fallen desperately in lust with. He licked his lips, already eager to take his willing victim to the point of orgasmic screams. "You said I shouldn't push you Steve, so will you show yourself willingly this time?"  
Steve tried to be smooth, but failed utterly as his chest plate proved difficult to slip off. He struggled for moment until the god leaned in to help him. Thoroughly embarrassed, the miner removed his shirt, "sorry, I think I'm not terribly clean."  
"It's okay, not everyone can burn off the dust whenever they please." Herobrine breathed deeply and Steve felt his skin prickle as the griefer sniffed his body like an animal. "It's funny," he mused, "If you would have asked me a few days ago, I would have said humans smell bad anyway. Now I'm not so sure. But it doesn't really matter." He gave a toothy grin, "when I'm done the only thing you'll smell of; is ME."  
The miner felt like his skin was trying to crawl off and hide from the terrifying creature in front of him. He could get lost in those white eyes so easily, and feel like he was falling into their brilliance forever. Herobrine helped him strip his boots and pants and then pushed him gently down to the bed before shucking off his own clothing. The griefer mounted the bed behind the naked man and rubbed himself against the adventurers shivering flesh. Steve was already hard and so unused to skin contact that he was twitching with every pass. It was as though Herobrine wanted to wrap his prey like a snake; with hands and brushes of his head he guided his lamb onto all fours. Touching everywhere until Steve was leaning into every contact, whimpering for more. Steve offered his hands and Herobrine tied them to the bed with spider threads, and then did the same with his ankles to the other end.  
"You are so beautiful," he whispered in between kisses. "So much handsomer then I, so much more-" he inhaled the man's scent deeply, "-alive. You taste like honest toil Steve, stone and wood, coal and earth. So pure a human." He lifted Steve higher, so his exposed rear was in the air, and his lover trembled as insistent, hot hands caressed his vulnerable buttocks. "I had an idea," he said silkily, "for cutting down on some of that annoying friction you talked about. But first I think I owe my lamb some special attention." he leaned down to the bound man, and Steve trembled as the hot breath of the god flowed over his back. He blushed crimson as Herobrine kissed his other cheeks, mouthing along the sharp angle betwixt torso and legs. Steve wasn't sure how he felt about being tied up, but it was a sort of blessing as it was keeping him in place as his other bathed him with his tongue. Little cries fell from his lips as he felt Herobrine move down. The griefer smiled as he delved into Steve's personal ravine with fingers and lips. He pressed his tongue inside, suppressing a giggle as his victim bucked like a wild horse under the assault. Round and round and down he pressed, opening Steve more and more as the man whined in tortured pleasure. Another finger, and then another was added, until the god withdrew his tongue and let four thick fingers fill the square hole in his doubles shivering body. With his free hand he chose a colorful orb from his inventory, and squeezed the gelatinous ball above the miner’s ass.  
"Easy," Herobrine said softly. "It's just the magma cream, should cool things down for you before I come in."  
Steve felt his nerves going wild from over-stimulation, the cold gel seemed to seek out his widened hole and slither down in between Herobrine’s fingers. It was like ice deep inside and he shivered uncontrollably. "Oh Gods! Too cold! I can't!"  
"It's all right my lamb; it won't be cold for long." Herobrine removed his fingers from his lover and shimmied up behind the bound man. The heat of his own arousal was coming off him in waves. He smeared some of the cream carelessly on himself and lined up his rod with Steve's well-lubricated hole. The god pushed in only the first two rows of pixels and then waited for the miner to give the signal to move. With a shuddering wail, Steve pressed himself back against the welcome warmth of Herobrine's swollen cock.  
Steve knew he was an absolute mess. His body was panicking without his consent because of the large organ stretching and filling his backside. A ribbon of drool hung from his lips and tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. The cock inside him was quickly warming the burning cold of the magma cream, but it was still a harsh contrast to have in such a tender place. He managed to gasp the words in between labored breaths. "Please Herobrine; just hold me for a moment."  
"Anything for you." The griefer draped himself artfully over his victim without pulling out. He wrapped his arms around Steve's neck and noticed that the man was holding them both up, steady on his hands and knees as a stone. He inhaled deeply of the humans scent, laving his victim’s throat with tongue and lips as Steve trembled like a leaf beneath him. Experimentally he increased his weight, pressing down to see if Steve would be able to bear it. Muscles moved under pale skin and Herobrine's heart quickened at the sight. The man was shaking from nerves, but it was no slur against his strength. Herobrine pressed harder, seeing beads of sweat appear on Steve’s broad shoulders. Eagerly he lapped them up, and relented. "You don't even realize how beautiful you are," he whispered. He ran blocky fingers around the angles of Steve's arms, treading the firm flesh as he praised his lover. "The bravest man I know."  
Steve whimpered, "I'm not brave."  
"Oh, but you are." The griefer’s voice was like silk wrapping around his naked form. "You put yourself at my mercy; you're kind to me even knowing what I am. I call you my lamb because you're so pure and trusting. But underneath you're hard as bedrock, bearing up under the weight of the Nether as if I were just a feather across your shoulders. Enduring my heat as I nearly clip into you. Even bound I can feel your strength and taste the genuine caring in your thoughts. The only resistance in you is your body clasping so tightly around my cock inside you." He laid a chain of kisses along Steve's back, lapping up a little pool of sweat at the small of it.  
And then, like a sand-fall that starts slowly into a ravine, Steve began to move. "I want you," he choked. "I need you. Your eyes are all I see when I close my own. I don't want us to be apart, even if you hurt me. I want that too." He chanted it like a mantra as he pistoned his rear against the god’s wood. Every thrust was like a burst of flames followed by a chaser of ice. "Put me in the fire," he howled, "I'll burn right beside you."  
Herobrine was so shocked he found himself murmuring "I would never, never, never… I'll protect you Steve. I... I love you." He felt his own starry eyes misting and increased his movement, willing away the tears. He tried to imagine he was griefing a foe, but it was too late, the words were said and they both knew there could be no lies between them. A hard slide of angles set Steve off like a block of TNT; he spurted onto the bed underneath him. Every pixel wracked with tremors, his pleasured wails competed with a roll of thunder from outside the tower.  
Herobrine felt the squeeze around him and closed his eyes to focus on it. His counterpart’s body seemed to milk his cock with every twist and spasm of muscles, and for a moment, Herobrine let go. The god poured himself into the vessel of his lover, coming in waves as his double cried out underneath his weight. There was a snap as Steve broke the spongy spider webs holding his wrists to the bedposts. He grabbed Herobrine's wrists and pulled the god down on top of him even as the other man softened inside. He rolled deliberately, breaking the bonds on his feet as if they were nothing. As Herobrine opened his eyes he realized what the human had done. Steve was spooned, holding the griefer against his back as if he'd use the other man for a cloak. They were still locked together, a foursquare of cubical balls nestled warmly between their entwined legs.


	6. Creepers Gonna Creep

The god sighed in bliss, “You are amazing.”  
“Just… stay right where you are, okay?” Steve felt like he’d lost a heart or two from sheer exhaustion. His flesh was twitching around where the god was still inside him. He winced in discomfort, “why do you come so much? I feel so full inside. It burns, so slow, like peppers. Like fire in my stomach. It hurts, but it feels good too.”  
Herobrine petted Steve’s mussed up hair, “I don’t know. I’m sorry; I don’t really want to hurt you.”  
“No. Don’t apologize.” He squeezed the other man closer to his back. “I’d fight you if I didn’t want to feel this way.”  
The god felt a little stab of guilt. He sighed, “I can’t help what I am. I’m not really a part of this world and I think my unnatural heat is a result of it. It’s the world itself grinding against my presence, trying to wear me away. But it’s like a pearl in an oyster; the harder it grinds me, the more polished I become.” He wrapped his arms around Steve and hugged him tight. “And I have you; to clasp around me like a shell, and keep me where I need to be. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”  
Steve winced again, and moved his rear to allow his lover to slip out. He chuckled softly, “I would have never dreamed that a god would fall in love with me.” A little trickle of fluid made its way down from his gaping hole and slithered onto his leg. “Let alone be so captivated by my flat ass.”  
“Nonsense Steve, your ass is lovely. And I don’t mean that donkey in your backyard.”  
Steve felt himself fading. “I’m so tired. Can I just, sleep here for now? I know I’m gross with sweat and cum, but I’ll clean your sheets when I get up. Promise.”  
“My home is your home Steve. You can stay with me as long as you like. I’ll even draw you a bath when you get up.” He felt the little hitch as the miner’s hearts skipped a beat. He kissed Steve, “a normal one, with water. Maybe even ice, if you want.” Herobrine gently untangled his limbs and got up. He covered Steve with the blanket, and the man was snoring lightly before he’d even gotten up the stairs. 

* * * * * * * * * *

True to his word, Steve woke to find a fresh divot in the floor beside the bed already filled with three squares of cool water and a single snow-block. He rose up slowly, still sticky and sore. He crawled the short distance across the floor, still half-asleep and dragging the blankets. Steve looked at his reflection in the dim red light, and then splashed some water on his face. The miner felt hung-over, as if he’d gotten a bad potion or run into a wither skeleton. He pushed the blankets into the water and washed all the white pixels of sweat, lotion and semen from them. Steve weakly placed a wood block from his inventory and draped the sheets over it to dry.  
With a yawn, he worked himself down feet first into the water. It was blessedly cold and he was missing his sponge, but did the best he could. He’d just begun to doze with his head on the floor outside the water, when a warm puff of air invaded his ear.  
“Hi.”  
“Fucking hell!” He panted from fright. Herobrine stood innocently above him, hands clasped behind his back.  
“It’s dangerous to fall asleep in the tub.” He gave Steve his best sincere look. “I wouldn’t want you to drown.” The god held out a blue on blue bundle with a steaming bowl balanced on top. “I washed your clothes, and made you some lunch.”  
Steve took it gratefully, “that is more then worth being briefly scared out of my wits.”  
Herobrine watched him from the bed as he ate. “Did you sleep okay?”  
“I slept like I’d been mining three days straight. I should let you fuck the daylights out of me more often.”  
“That can be arranged.”  
“Easy there, at least give me some time to recover.” Steve clambered out of the pool and dried himself with the flat wool the griefer offered him. He got dressed, and turned his attention to the god, who seemed to be waiting for him to finish. “Something on your mind Herobrine?”  
His voice was thick with intrigue. “Oh, it’s been a busy morning. I want to show you something really neat. And I could use your help. I know that Alex is better at taming creatures, but I think she’d be mad if she saw what I’ve done.”  
Steve felt his skin crawl at the implications as he was half-led, half-dragged up the stairs. Then out the back door and down the slope of Herobrine’s yard.  
At the bottom of the low hill was a small shed made out of dirt blocks with a wooden door. Herobrine graciously held the door for him and he was blinded for a moment as his eyes adjusted to the darkness within.  
The god placed a red-stone torch on the wall and the space was filled with dim light. At the other end of the room was a fence with a gate, and when Steve saw what was behind it, he fairly screamed. “Are you totally insane?! I’m not going anywhere near that!” He turned to run, but Herobrine had a hold of his shirt and he only succeeded in choking himself briefly. The god only laughed and pushed his hapless double bodily towards the fence.  
Behind the gate, the creeper lurked in the farthest corner.  
“Oh, my me, you are so damn cute when you’re scared.” Herobrine shook the human lightly, “hey, calm down. It’s not going to hurt you; can’t you see it’s terrified of us?”  
“Yeah, I’m terrified too!” Steve shot back, “I’m not even wearing armor; if that thing blows in here it could kill me!”  
“Yes, I know that. But she’s not going to blow up.” The griefer paused, making strong eye-contact with his fearful friend. “I’m going to let go of you now, if you promise not to run away. I’m the one that’s taking the risk here; I just want you to watch. Okay? I’m letting go now.” He gently released Steve, who stood there panting; his hearts racing.  
The god opened the gate with a squeak and strode inside. The creeper looked at the white-eyed apparition approaching it and scuttled in place. It was already in the corner and while all its instincts were goading it to attack; some deeper code was telling it that doing so would have serious consequences. But the human kept getting closer, and the creeper panicked and did the only thing it knew.  
Steve grabbed the fence to leap it as the creeper began to hiss. It wasn’t flashing, but he knew the noise all too well.  
“Tish! Tish! Tish!” and then… confusion. Herobrine towered over the cringing creeper as it sparked over and over without flashing. He picked up the creeper around its middle and carried it back toward the gate.  
Steve stood there frozen, his mouth hanging open comically. “What the? Why didn’t it blow up?”  
The griefer grinned from ear to ear as the monster in his arms struggled and hissed. The creepers little feet wiggled in frustration. “She can’t blow up, I defused her. I glitched her gunpowder into bonemeal. She can spark all day long, but she’ll never explode. She must be really young, or just a creep that didn’t get the memo; to wander into my mine while I was working. Basically I chest punched her and knocked us both for a loop. My shirt was orange for an hour.”  
Steve had never been so close to a creeper, and he could see the panic in her black on black eyes. “You’re sure it’s safe?”  
“Yes. You can pet her if you want too.”  
Steve stuck out a hand, every instinct screaming at him to run away. He could see the beast trembling. “Actually, can you put her down first? I don’t want to get bit.”  
“Sure” the god replied amiably. He set the creeper down on the floor and it skittered away from him as fast as it could manage. Then he opened the gate and closed it behind his counterpart.  
“Do creepers eat?” Steve asked out of the corner of his mouth.  
“I have no idea. They’re plants, but they burn in sunlight, so I guess photosynthesis isn’t happening. It can’t eat live meat because the only way it can attack is by destroying itself. And I doubt the other mobs would tolerate them if they were into eating dead flesh and bone meal. They’re ubiquitous in every biome… Really, Steve, I don’t know.” He shrugged, “I guess this is an opportunity to find out.”  
Steve looked back at the creeper; it seemed almost as afraid of him as it was of Herobrine. He couldn’t see any teeth in the blackness of its mouth but he wasn’t in the mood to lose a finger to find out. The miner edged closer and tried to ignore the noise the agitated monster was making.  
“Tish! Tish!”  
“Easy girl, not gonna hurt you.” The creeper was crouched as low as it could manage, hissing like an angry cat. Tentatively Steve laid his hand on the top of the creepers head. He was startled to find the surface soft and furry. He’d expected something harder, but the creeper felt like it was covered with soft moss. Steve tried scratching the surface lightly, as if petting one of Alex’s cats.  
“Ti-ssssss.”  
The creeper made a noise like a simmering teakettle and leaned up into Steve’s gentle touch. He added another hand and tried scratching under the sharp angle of the beasts chin. The creeper leaned against his body and almost knocked him off his feet. Herobrine rushed to catch him as he stumbled.  
“Hey,” the god’s voice was jubilant. “Good job.”  
The creeper was rolling on the floor now, rubbing itself happily against the cobbles. It was also making a faint humming noise.  
Herobrine chuckled, holding Steve close as the man found his footing. He kissed the miner on the forehead. “I knew you were the right man for the job.” The god’s tone dropped low and sultry: “You seem to have a talent for taming… all kinds of wild beasts.”  
The second kiss was deeper, and the third was interrupted, as the creeper thumped against their feet. “I’m really hoping that it’s just itchy and not allergic to me,” Steve mused.  
“How can a plant have allergies?”  
“Good point.” Steve dropped to one knee and tried rubbing the belly of the beast. Herobrine laughed as its feet twitched everywhere in response to Steve’s fingers.  
“I think there’s a real possibility that you are tickling it.”  
“Am I? Am I tickling you? Who’s a good creeper?” Steve sniffed at his own sentiment, easing up on the twitching creeper under his hands. He looked up at Herobrine, the griefer’s eyes shining like beacons in the dim room. “You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”  
The god gave him a toothy grin, “maybe I just like showing you that some things are not so scary, once you get to know them.”


	7. Your Flight Was Cancelled

“Maybe not. But you still have a pretty scary smile.”  
Herobrine’s grin faded slightly, and then he skimmed Steve’s surface thoughts. “You’re teasing me. Bad lamb.”  
Steve chuckled. “So… what are we going to do with her?”  
“I have no idea, but I didn’t want to just release her back into the wild after altering her structure. She’s kind of a glitch now too, and if I let her go outside she’ll just wander around until the sun comes up and then burst into flames. We don’t know if Creepers breed or if the explosions are important to their life cycle as a species. I may be a griefer, but I do care about the world seed as a whole. For now I guess we can just let things stand as they are, and try offering different things until we find something she’ll eat. There’s water and grass in here and it’s nice and dark, she should be okay for a little while. And speaking of such, I have work of my own to do.”  
Herobrine’s grin grew to unsettling proportions. “I can feel it getting dark and I need to leave for a little while. If you have nothing pressing to hold your attention; you’re welcome to stay here while I’m gone. Have a nap, you know where the food is, and if you feel like helping me with my mining; the hole is behind the shed. The way I have things set up, it would be as easy as picking mushrooms. I was having so much trouble breaking things that I’ve picked out the stones around all the good ores and coal seams and left them exposed.”  
He straightened up, dusting his clothing, “will you be here when I get back?”  
Steve gave the squiggling Creeper another tickle before getting up as well. “I’ll be here. Look for me in the mines if I’m not in the house. I could use some exercise.”  
“Excellent. Just so you don’t get lost, I’m using the setup you recommended. Right torches go deeper, left torches lead the way out.” And with a little clop of boots; Herobrine teleported away.  
Steve looked down at the Creeper who awkwardly struggled to her feet. “Tis?”  
“Yeah I know, dramatic, isn’t he?”  
“Ssss.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Steve plonked a helmet on his head and made his way down into Herobrine’s mine. It wasn’t much to look at, just a long stairway leading almost straight down. At the bottom was a series of what Steve would term ‘Herobrine holes’. Long straight paths just two blocks high and one block wide. Thankfully the griefer had left the torches plain, so it was easy to see what he was doing.  
True to his word the God had left a great deal of exposed ores, and Steve fell quickly into a calm trance while gathering them. Now that the mobs had been warned off, he was finding mining to be a much less nerve-wracking activity.  
A bat squeaked by his ear as he picked out iron around a small lava pool. The seething pit made him think about Herobrine. He couldn’t even imagine what it would be like being trapped in the Nether. Part of him pitied the griefer for being unable to let go of his fury at the Testificates, and the other part whispered that he might feel the same way if it were him that was banished instead. He shook his head, best to just let him get it out of his system. Not that he was in any position to tell the literal god of chaos what to do.  
Down in the dark it was far too easy to lose track of time. Steve flipped through his inventory and found all the slots full. “Time to go topside.”  
As he mounted the stairs the square of daylight at the top faded into rosy hues and then shaded into a black curtain sprinkled with stars. He poked his head out of the hole and glanced around the twilight yard. The moon was almost full and just rising over the trees. Even knowing he had nothing to fear, he still made his way cautiously through the dark back into the house. He resisted the urge to slam the door behind him.  
The tower was eerily silent, Herobrine still hadn’t returned. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Alex yawned as she fed the cats. They surrounded her in an enthusiastic mob, mewing and jumping all over everything. It had been a long day, and she was exhausted, but the boundless exuberance of her animals only made her smile. She collapsed into bed with a sigh and felt her eyelids start to slip blissfully closed.  
A sudden explosion sent her back out of bed like a shot. Faintly she could hear the sound of screams. She could see it was dark outside and bit her lip in consternation. Alex was a fighter to the bone, but saw no point in losing sleep if she wasn’t in need of anything the mobs could drop for her upon their deaths.  
In the end, curiosity won out over caution. She slipped on some armor and added a stack of arrows to her inventory. She climbed a ladder set into the wall and emerged on her own rooftop.  
The screams were louder out in the open, and she could see a flickering light from the direction of the village. Alex sighed; she’d be willing to bet that Herobrine was responsible. Another explosion shook the ground and she staggered to keep from falling off the peaked roof. ‘Dear Notch, what was he trying to do?’ She made her way back down into the house and closed the hole behind her.  
With a sigh she opened the kitchen chest and took a long pull of milk. It was far too late and probably futile to give the griefer a hard time about his behavior. She’d told him she didn’t care and welcomed him with open arms because the alternative was more punishment then she felt anyone deserved. Alex paced the checkered floor, occasionally looking out at the gravel path that flowed like a river past her house.  
A dim light came into view and as it got closer; she spotted the luminous white eyes of Herobrine. He was carrying a red-stone torch and giggling faintly. The apparition spotted her in the window and waved. Too late, she’d have to talk to him now.  
He knocked on her door and she opened it with a squeak. His clothes were covered in soot and he smelled strongly of gunpowder. Alex wrinkled her nose at him.  
“Sorry, I didn’t realize I stunk so bad. Didn’t mean to offend.”  
“Oh, its okay, it happens to the best of us. So… busy night?”  
Herobrine grinned wickedly. “Oh yes, very satisfying.”  
Alex bustled about the room, trying to hide her faint discomfort at being alone with the griefer. “May I ask what you did?”  
“Oh, certainly. I can grab and teleport with someone if I want to, so I moved all the Testificates into one house and set off TNT on the roof. And when they ran outside…” He collapsed into a gale of laughter, “the creepers were waiting! I’d been gathering them for hours. It was glorious.”  
Alex swallowed thickly, “any survivors?”  
“Oh, a few, but it doesn’t matter. The rest will just respawn in the morning. But putting everything back together will keep them busy for a while.” He produced a rose and passed it to her. “Have a souvenir. I wrecked their golem while I was at it.”  
She stood there holding the flower and her hand trembled slightly in the silence. Herobrine’s smile faded. “You’re disgusted with me. Why? I thought you said you didn’t care.”  
“I don’t, not really. But your obvious glee makes me uncomfortable.”  
“I guess I don’t really expect anyone to understand. Hasn’t anyone ever hurt you Alex?” He cocked his head, “you’re so strong. I can’t help but feel you’ve put up these walls because of something that happened to you.”  
“I…” Alex felt her thoughts turning inward at his words. And she fought to keep herself in the present so that the god would not see anything she didn’t wish to share.  
“I can feel you fighting me even though I’m not doing anything.” Herobrine said sadly, “I don’t blame you for not trusting me either. Your thoughts are like words over your head, it’s hard to keep from reading them involuntarily just because they’re legible.” He got up from the bench. “But I’ll leave if it makes you happy. My griefing is a private vendetta that I don’t expect anyone else to share or condone.”  
He went outside and Alex followed, unsure what, if anything, she could say. Herobrine looked up at the sky and lifted slowly off the ground; he moved at an angle and kicked his legs to go forward. Suddenly there was a flash and he was falling with a furious yell. Too surprised and close to the ground to glitch, he fell with a slam onto her picnic table breaking it into shards. The hot bits flew everywhere and left black marks on the ground and front wall of the house.  
Herobrine rose from the wreckage, his eyes blazing. He screamed; the words the incomprehensible dialect of the enchanting table. With a snarl he punched the remaining chair and shattered it into pixels. The sound flowed outward and Alex dropped in pain at the hearing. Her cats yowled, swarming over her fallen form. Herobrine raged all over the yard, flames erupting in the grass under his feet. After a few moments he seemed to relax, his star-bright eyes dimming. The god looked back at Alex laying on the step, clutching her head and felt a stab of guilt. He moved to help her up, but the cats blocked him. They hissed and spat, moving as a group to stand between him and their mistress.  
He looked at them and then at her, he couldn’t hurt her pets, even to help her.  
“Just go away!” Alex shouted. “Go break something somewhere else!” She was furious even as she winced in pain, he backed away obediently. He could see the unspoken word over her head.  
‘Monster!’  
Herobrine fled into the woods without a word. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Steve woke up in the morning and for a moment, forgot where he was. He stretched out on the soft bed and looked around the dark basement. Still no Herobrine. The miner checked the trophy room and the kitchen, but even the lava pool was empty of his white-eyed double. Resigned to waiting, he munched a baked potato and ventured out into the yard.  
The miner heard a faint sigh and looked up. Herobrine had made a crude staircase of dirt and was sitting at the top of the garden wall. Steve climbed up the blocks and sat down beside him. It was hard to read the apparitions empty eyes, but Herobrine seemed depressed all the same.  
Steve reached gently over and laid his square palm atop the griefer’s hand, “do you want to talk about it?”  
“Oh, Steven, things just got a little too real for me to handle.”  
“Surely you’re not having second thoughts.”  
He turned to his double, “no, of course not. I love you Steve, you’re far better then I deserve. But… it’s just that my wings have been clipped. I’m present and fitted into the world snugly enough that I can’t fly anymore.”  
Steve’s eyes were like saucers. “I didn’t know you could fly before.”  
He sighed, “It didn’t look like much, I could just hover and run forward in midair. But now I can’t do it; I’m grounded. And… I screwed up big time. I think Alex is angry with me.”  
“Oh.” Steve hissed. Knowing how important it was for Herobrine to be wanted, this was actually the more pressing problem. He took a chance and encircled the god with his arms. “I’m sorry, I can’t help you fly. But I might be able to help you with Alex if you want.”  
Herobrine relaxed into the burly miner’s loose grip. “It means a lot to me that you care at all. I would be grateful if you have any suggestions, I feel rather bad about the whole thing.”  
Steve ventured to ask, “What did you do anyway?”  
“Short version, I fell out of the sky, lost my temper, and broke her outdoor furniture with a glitch hit that knocked her down with sheer noise volume.”  
“Harsh. Well, first we make her some new of whatever you broke. Better if possible.”  
Herobrine nodded against Steve’s shoulder, “easily done.”  
“Then… I’d suggest you give her something as a peace offering. But nothing sappy. She’s not into that. Alex is pragmatic as hell. Give her something useful.”  
“Got it.”  
“But first,” Steve purred. “How about giving me something? I cleaned out several of your tunnels, and filled your trunk with coal, ores and even a few gems.”  
Herobrine blinked, “what do you want?”  
“Gimme some sugar,” Steve whispered, pressing his warm lips against the welcoming pair of his boyfriend. 

* * * * * * * * * *


	8. Globe of Tears

 It was a long moment before the two disengaged. Slightly out of breath Herobrine whispered, “Thank you Steve.”

“What did I do?”

He inhaled deeply of his lovers scent. “It’s for being you; for being warm and thoughtful and loving to a monster who doesn’t deserve any of it."

“What’s this about Herobrine? Did Alex say something nasty to you?” “Not said, per say, just thoughts. The same thoughts I’m sure lots of people have about me.” His eyes shone with odd passion. “And they’re not wrong. I feel bad for not feeling bad about it, you understand? It’s no different then creepers exploding. I can’t let go of that pain. Especially since the ones who caused it just went on happy with their own lives like my suffering at their hands didn’t matter. I still have nightmares; of being sliced with wither swords, the poison burning me from the inside out while I try to crawl away to a safe place I can never find. I know nothing can excuse my behavior, but I want at least one person to know why I’m like this. Because if someone like you, can love someone like me… Then maybe someday, I can blot out those bad memories with something better.”

Herobrine felt Steve begin to shake slightly around him, and squares of moisture pattered onto his forehead like rain. Steve’s face was pinched with pain, and silent tears slid down the flat plane of his cheeks. He hugged Herobrine tighter, almost rocking him in his grief. “I’m so sorry.” Steve murmured. “I wish I could make it better now. But all I can do is share your hurt and hold you close to me.” Herobrine reached up to smooth the miners mussed hair. “You’ve already done far more then anyone ever has for me. You’re a really great guy Steven. You have the biggest, most caring hearts I’ve ever encountered.”

Steve sniffled. “Thank you for caring about me too. I’ve always felt awkward and dumb around other people. I never imagined I’d find anyone who’d see anything in me that they liked.”

“Pfft!” Herobrine sat back a bit. “Then they’re just stupid.” He ran a thumb across Steve’s lips and wiped away his tears. “You’re strong, you have wonderfully kissable lips.” Steve blushed deeply as the griefer continued. “Lovely hair, and eyes as deep and blue as the sea.” He smiled mischievously. “You’re almost as much of a handsome devil as I am.” Steve shook his head.

“Geeze.” He looked up at the rapidly shading sky. “We should go in, it’s getting dark.” “Hehe,” Herobrine interjected. “It’s not like you and I have anything to be afraid of!” “Yes,” Steve replied evenly. “But I bet you’re cold and we could probably both use some warm food.” Herobrine let himself fall to his hands and swung down off the wall. He opened his arms and helped Steve down as well. “Now that is an idea I can get behind. I don’t know how you people function in this climate.”

* * * * * * * * * *

The two of them kissed a few more times before they got to the door, but Steve could tell Herobrine was distracted. He gently guided the griefer to the bench across from his lava pool. “You’re thinking about Alex, aren’t you?”  
“Hmm? I have some ideas for something I can make for her; for all of us really. What can I say Steve? Kissing you makes me feel more creative.”  
Steve laughed pleasantly. “Then how about I make the food, you be creative. I want to see what you come up with.”  
“Just promise me Steve? I’m going to have to glitch this. If she asks, we lie like wool rugs. Say it with me; we found it, together, in a dungeon chest. Deal?”  
“Of course!”  
Steve fussed over the furnace while he listened to the god mutter to himself. There was something comforting about making up enough food for two. Cooking for one always made him feel a little bit sad. And many were the nights that he’d just eaten a bit of fruit or a cookie and didn’t even bother to put in the effort.  
A sudden unpleasant squealing almost made him drop a pork chop on the floor. He bundled the two meals in his inventory and hustled up to the balcony from whence the clamor came.  
Herobrine seemed to be swearing in some foreign tongue. He spit strings of numbers as if he’d swallowed something foul along with them. He was pressing a series of objects against the crafting grid and the apparatus was letting off a continuous whine of protest. Through the little flashes of light, he could see that the god had arranged an egg, a ghast tear and a tuft of grass and was attempting to force them to merge with sheer willpower. The wood of the table groaned as he pressed down with all the weight of the Nether behind him. The squealing increased and Steve put his hands against the sides of his head to try and block out the hideous noise. Herobrine bore down on the grid with a deafening boom and the tower was rocked with what felt like a small explosion. The grid and table powderized as the sound cut off, and its disappearance caused Herobrine to smash into the floor under his own increased weight.  
“FUCK!”  
Steve ran to him and tried to roll him over. But it was like trying to shift a hunk of bedrock. Then Herobrine rolled over on his own, groaning in pain. His teeth were gritted and his arms were wrapped around something clutched tightly to his chest. He hissed in agony “Dammit! I can't feel my hands. I think my fucking wrists are broken.”  
Steve pulled out the food, and put a pork chop near his doubles mouth. “Eat, it’ll help.” Once the griefer had consumed it, the miner sat down on the floor and tipped a bowl of mushroom soup slowly into the mouth of his incapacitated lover. With a grimace Herobrine felt the sensation returning to his fingers and he uncurled them gently.  
The miner quirked an eyebrow, “now don’t you dare turn up pregnant because I fed you.”  
Herobrine smiled, “jackass.”  
“Did it work?”  
“I don’t know.” Herobrine sat up and looked at the thing he’d fallen on. It was a pale yellow and white globe with a tuft of green shoots at the top. He sniffed it and drew back quickly. “Whew, well it smells strong enough. Let’s see if I can grow more, if it worked the way I was intending I don’t want to kill the only example.” The god looked at the charred space on the cobbles where his crafting table had been. “Especially since it blew up my table.”  
Steve waved a hand, “I’ll make you another one. But you’ve got me excited now too. Let’s plant this thing.”  
It was a matter of moments for the griefer to produce a dirt block and quick slash the top with a hoe. He gave the thing a hopeful kiss and slam dunked it into the fresh dirt. Herobrine licked his lips, “interesting. It’s sharp as hell, and not like anything I’ve ever tasted before. Imagine if you could eat a cactus and it was just a little bit sweet.”  
Steve paused in drinking his soup. “Ouch.”  
“I wonder if I have any…” But the god was already walking away. Steve watched him pirouette around the room, tossing random things out of his trunks. Unable to help, the miner fashioned a quick crafting table and placed it next to where the other had been. It seemed weirdly unlucky to put it on the blasted, black mark the other had left.  
“Oh, thank you. Here it is!” With a ‘poof’ Herobrine threw a handful of bone meal powder on the plant and watched it make sparkly green stars around the tuft. With a ‘fump’ there were now four tufts; and the god pulled them out. He slammed one back in and pressed the other three on the fresh table. Using a sword, he sliced the biggest one in half.  
The center was full of rings like a tree, and Herobrine took a deep breath of the fumes that wafted off of it. “WHOAH!” He wheeled away; tears were streaming from his eyes. “Man, that’s strong!”  
“You’re not kidding, phew.” Steve pinched at his nose. “I can smell that from here. Was that what you were trying to do?”  
“Yeah, actually.” The god stowed the other two globes and flipped around in his inventory. He added a carrot, a cooked chicken-duck carcass, a potato, a bowl and a bucket of water to the crafting table. He banged a fist on it to activate it and the things merged into a colorful soup that nearly overfilled the bowl. Herobrine put away the empty bucket and smelled the contents of the bowl. “Ohhh, that’s much better.” He lifted it to his lips and took a deep draught. “Mmm!”  
He rushed it over to his other who took it uncertainly. “I saw you crying over this a moment ago…”  
“It’s okay my lamb, the fumes are just strong when you cut it raw. Still don’t trust me?”  
Steve grunted, and accepted the bowl. It was warm, and fragrant. He tasted it gingerly. A little shiver of appreciation thrilled though every pixel. “You’re a genius. This is the best soup I’ve ever tasted. So what are you going to call the new vegetable?”  
The griefer rubbed a bit of stubble on his chin, lost in thought. “Well… they’re composed of many bits all arranged in neat layers that fit together perfectly. How about, ‘unions’?”  
The miner rolled the unfamiliar word around his mouth; “Ooonions?”  
Herobrine clapped his hands, “even better! Onions it is!”

* * * * * * * * * *

Alex didn’t even realize she was brooding, until the loud pounding on her door shook her out of her reverie. Fearing zombies, she drew a sword and approached the front of her house. It was afternoon outside and there wasn’t enough of a window to get a good look at the shadow beyond the door. The slamming sounded again.  
“Dammit, I’m coming!” She threw open the door, brandishing the sword.  
The figure took one look at her angry face and blinked away like the shortest enderman she’d ever seen. Farther down the yard Herobrine reappeared. Alex stalked outside to meet him, but didn’t bother to put away her sword. “I told you to stay away from me.”  
Herobrine sighed, “I know, but I brought you some new furniture to replace what I broke.” He pitched the benches, post and table he’d made of jungle wood and it bounced up into her inventory before she even had a chance to answer. His eyes were dimmer then usual as he searched her face for some shred of forgiveness.  
Alex gave him a hard look, guarding her thoughts even more fiercely then before. “Look I said for you to leave me alone. I didn’t try to wish you back to the Nether; I don’t care if you want to haunt this server. I understand that you make Steve happy and that’s great. I'm not going to put any effort into trying to get rid of you. So you don’t have to suck up to me. Just leave me alone.”  
His face fell, “I’m sorry Alex.” Herobrine scrolled his inventory and placed a block of stone on the ground. He set a 5stack of onions and a bit of paper with growing instructions and the soup recipe on top of the block. “This is also for you. I’ll go away now-”  
The griefer teleported almost before he was done speaking. He didn’t want Alex to see the hot tears streaming from his eyes.

* * * * * * * * * *


	9. Shitty Creepers

It was almost dark before Herobrine actually went home. He spent his frustration beating up the local wildlife. The griefer sighed, it wasn’t the most mature solution, but at least it would provide a few meals for him and Steve. The god was secretly hoping the miner would eventually just move in with him. The very thought made his hearts beat faster, and a strangely pleasant sensation warmed him from head to foot. He found himself walking faster without meaning too, and a genuine smile was growing on a face unused to housing it.  
Approaching the gate he heard Steve murmuring softly, and found him planting pumpkins in the yard while the defused creeper kept him company. Herobrine resisted the urge to sneak up on Steve and coughed lightly to get his attention.  
“Hey! I thought your spooky tower could use a jack-o-lantern patch. Hope you don’t mind. You were gone for a really long time. How did things go with Alex?”  
The look he got in return was sour.  
“She told me to go away. As far as she’s concerned, I’m a monster and the only reason she tolerates me on this seed is because I make you happy." Herobrine threw up his hands. “It’s official, I’m a complete asshole and everyone hates me except for you. At least my Craftmas list will be nice and short.”  
Steve frowned, "couldn't that be enough?"  
"Tis?"  
Steve jerked a thumb in the direction of the approaching creeper. "Karen likes you."  
"You named her Karen? I guess that makes as much sense as anything else. But why is she wearing a pig saddle?"  
"I... don't know. I mean I know it's stupid, but I needed to do something to distinguish her from the normal creepers so I don't pee my pants when she sneaks up on me. I have this idea for a thing I can make but I need some kind of thick string. Almost like skinny strips of cloth. Preferably colored cloth. I also need two really skinny sticks and some kind of metal hook. Do you want to help? I'm sure my dumb problem is easier to solve then yours."  
The griefer rubbed the edge of his chin, "I might have an idea, let me think about it and get back to you. So... did you have a nice afternoon at least?"  
"Yep, Karen was helping me garden. Well, okay, she was keeping watch while I did it. She seems really interested in the dirt after I hoe it for planting. See?"  
Both men turned to look at the frolicking creeper. She'd prance a little and then stop to dig her toenails into the broken ground.  
Herobrine held up a hand, "do you hear that?"  
"Yeah I've been noticing it on and off since I came out here. It sounds like someone chewing. I thought maybe it was the creeper but she doesn't seem to be doing anything to make the noise."  
"Hmmm. Steve, will Karen let you pick her up?"  
"Yeah, a little, she doesn't like it very much."  
"Well, she'll like it even less if I do it. I just want to look at the bottoms of her feet."  
Steve stood, dusting off his pants. He walked up to the creeper, making soothing nonsense noises. She looked at him warily, but grudgingly allowed the human to lift one muddy foot off the ground. Herobrine looked at it critically and ran his fingers across the fuzzy surface.  
"Tetete!" The creeper quivered, and Steve giggled along with her. "I'm going to guess you're the one tickling her now Herobrine."  
The god released the furry foot and stood. "I've got it Steve. Creepers eat shit."  
"Well that's incredibly rude."  
"But accurate! It's the only explanation that makes sense. She's got an opening on the bottom of her foot that feels like a mouth. It would explain why they walk so slowly as well. They're taking bites of dirt as they move. After all, there's good soil both above and below ground, and they don't exactly have an active lifestyle being aggressive plants. Maybe a little fertilizer is all they need. But you could test it out if you want, try hand-feeding her."  
Steve gulped, "did you feel any teeth in her mouth?"  
"No, more like two flat plates grinding together."  
"All right, but if I get bit, I'm going to be mad."  
"Don't worry my sweet lamb; I'll nurse you back to health no matter what happens to you."  
Steve gave him a calculating look, "sometimes it's really hard to tell when you're joking with me." He whacked a nearby patch of dirt with the hoe and scooped a handful of tillage. "Here you go girl, fresh, uhhh, dirt." He held his hand next to the creepers foot and tried to stay as still as possible.  
The creeper looked at the humans with her blank, black eyes and then delicately lifted a paw and placed it in Steve's hand. The miner made a face. "Eugh, ahahaha, that feels weird! Errrgh. I think she has some kind of tongue in there!" Karen removed her foot and Steve aggressively wiped his slightly slimy hand on his pants. "YUCK. Well you are right, she is eating dirt. That's one mystery solved, only one million to go."  
Herobrine fixed him with a saucy expression, "good thing you and I have no end of time to make new discoveries. And... I have an idea of my own. Do your thing Steve, come and find me later. I'll probably be downstairs."

* * * * * * * * *

Steve watched the griefer shuffle off. He felt bad for Herobrine. He may not have been able to read minds, but he knew that Alex's words, even unspoken; were hurtful. Or maybe he was just plain afraid. The thought was sobering, 'what if something happens to me and I don't come back anymore? Herobrine would have to cling to the little bit of pity that Alex had for him just to stay in the world.'  
Karen seemed to sense Steve's sudden anxiety and shuffled up close to him. "Prrrp?"  
He scratched the creepers head absentmindedly. There had to be a better way to anchor this lost soul to the overworld.  
"ssss?"  
"Yeah, I'll figure something out. But in the meantime, let’s get you inside. It's going to be light soon."

* * * * * * * * *

Steve made his way down the dark basement stairs into Herobrine's pitch black bedroom. The griefer had even removed the redstone torches. As he reached the bottom of the stairs he wondered if he had anything to brighten things up enough that he wouldn't trip and fall into the cold basin of water that was still set into the floor from the other day. He turned inward to look at his inventory, but before he could select anything; he was violently jerked into the air. He tried to struggle, but found his every limb wrapped up in what felt like thick strings. His hearts skipped a treble beat, it had to be spiders. Had the mobs finally decided to go against Herobrine by kidnapping or murdering his human beau? He tried not to panic but felt himself slipping. Finally letting loose with a child-like scream just on the edge of despair. "Herobrine! Herobrine! Please help me Herobrine! I need you right now!"  
The voice that answered was so smooth and dulcet-toned it almost made him panic more. "You know Steve; you're the first person to ever summon me because they wanted me to save them from something else."  
Steve struggled in his bondage, "you have to help me, cut me down quick. There must be spiders everywhere!"  
He realized the gods words were coming in from somewhere behind his ears again. "Wrong, my sweet lamb. I made the threads; the only spider here... is me." White eyes opened in the blackness before the terrified miners gaze. He watched in fascinated horror as they divided into many tiny eye-pricks of light.  
"I was thinking, Steven-" Herobrine said conversationally. "If I'm no good at being good, perhaps I should focus more on the things that I am good at."  
The redstone torches flared into half-light and Steve realized that not only did the god now have a face full of tiny white eyes like a spider, that face was also upside-down. The griefer was casually standing with his feet on the ceiling.  
"How? Why?"  
"I may be more real, but I'm still a being of nightmares. And because you both want and fear me in a way no one else ever has; I can be just about anything for you."  
"But, is this real?" Steve asked breathlessly.  
Herobrine shrugged and then shrugged again as his arms and legs doubled. "I don't think it matters. It's real to me and it's certainly real to you." At this point Herobrine looked more like a gigantic blue spider then a person and Steve shivered. The creature showed it's fangs in a grim parody of a smile.  
"What are you going to do to me?" Steve whimpered.  
Spiderbrine skittered along the threads and got behind the bound adventurer. "I think I'm going to make you call my name some more."


	10. I Came To Fuck Spiders

He wrapped his multiple arms and legs around the human and drank Steve's fear as he shook like a leaf in the gods gentle grip. "Awww." Herobrine cooed softly. "There, there, I can hug you twice as much like this."  
Steve let out a low moan, torn with mixed emotions. He was as afraid of spiders as he was of any of the mobs, but Herobrine was forcing him to like what was happening by using all of his new appendages to thoroughly molest his boyfriend. He squirmed as much as the threads would allow as multiple questing hands fondled his rear, pinched his nipples, petted his belly, and kneaded his throat. He bucked his hips as two of the hands pulled down his pants. Multiple legs wrapped warm around his thighs and gentle hands took hold of his manhood and began to slowly stroke it. Spiderbrine hugged Steve to bring their torsos closer and rested his head on the human's shoulder. Only once his victim was fully hard and nearly thrusting into his hand; did the griefer bear his fangs. Carefully he pulled the blue shirt away to reveal his doubles neck. He laved the warm skin with long slow licks and bruised it with suction and nips. "Oh yes," Herobrine said pleasantly, "I almost forgot one other interesting thing about me being like this."  
"Herobrine... please..." Steve begged.  
"I'm venomous too." And the spider-cum-griefer sunk his fangs as smoothly as hypodermic needles into his hapless victim’s neck. Herobrine suckled on the captive human for a few moments, enjoying the lovely hot blood on his tongue even as he pumped poor Steve full of toxins. He watched over his victims hearts and pulled out when they started to beat out of synch. He pushed a hand over the double wounds to staunch the bleeding. The last thing he wanted to do was actually kill his trusting lover.  
Steve on the other hand, was rapidly losing his ability to focus on anything except the overwhelming amount of information his skin was bombarding his nervous system with. He murmured Herobrine’s name over and over like a desperate prayer. It felt like there were more hands on him now and he wanted to scream because it all too much. He was too sensitive, even a puff of air set all his pixels to twitching in response.  
"Last time you broke free, my lamb. Tonight you stay right where I want you."  
The man nodded wordlessly. There was no fight left in him. If the god asked for his soul he'd give it without a second thought. He was being held and feeling good things from his lower half. But he also felt like he was flying, the green hills rolling up and down like waves on the ocean. Everything was both too much and not enough, mobs and blocks, the sun chasing the moon pell-mell across the swirling sky. He felt so thirsty he plunged into the sea and drank it down to the bed. Leaving him flopping like a fish amidst dry kelp and hoary ruined temples baking their centuries of sludge in new sunshine.  
He could feel something happening to his body down below, ice and slime, a tongue that seemed to invade him from base to throat and lick him out clean from the inside. He moved randomly, trying to find a steady rhythm to match the furious pounding in his chest, and something else that wracked him. Like zombies beating on a door. There was a filtered sense of release, like fire, fireworks exploding, like the tingling flow of lava washing away his wounds like it did for Herobrine. Then he was sinking through the inky darkness, being held warmly in a normal hug. He opened his eyes and saw two white oblongs staring back.  
Herobrine smiled softly, "enjoy your trip?"  
Steve didn't respond right away, he was too busy trying to remember how to move his own body, let alone form words. Then he finally managed to say, "You bit me."  
"Yep." Herobrine's expression was smug. "And you also came all over yourself, so don't complain too much." He gently laid the dazed human flat on the floor.  
Steve tried to sit up and felt something inside slosh uncomfortably. "Did you cum in me?"  
"Yes, to that as well. You practically begged me to fist you with all four hands too. But I didn't do that because I didn't want to rip you in half, silly lamb."  
The miner turned beet red with embarrassment.  
"Awww, no need for that! With me you don't have to work up the courage to tell me about your darkest, most secret desires. I can see it all before you even speak to me Steven." He licked his lips, "you taste good by the way, doesn't matter which spot or orifice, always good." He passed the disheveled man a bottle of coffee, "here, have a drink and just stay still for now. I don't want you falling down because all the toxins aren't out of your system. You relax and I'll clean up this mess."  
The eyes disappeared from Steve's view and the room burst into view as Herobrine set some normal torches on the floor. Now that he could see, the colorful nature of the strings that had bound him was far more apparent. The room was full of crisscrossing strands and Herobrine was walking back and forth rolling them into crude cubes of string.  
"So anyway, I found a way to make strips like you wanted. If I use the scythe I can shave a one pixel edge off of a wool rug, and if I do it in a spiral I can get a pretty long piece from each one. I also figured out how to get you your sticks. I can make two one pixel rows by cracking sugar cane stalks from the top with my blade. It's fascinating really, it's like the edge doesn't even exist, but it cuts through the inner code of anything and glitches it apart."  
Steve took another pull of his coffee and stared at the ceiling. "Thank you. Although I'm too messed up right now to play with what you've made. I think I need to just take a nap where I am, maybe for a couple hundred years."  
“Aww, I can see you’re being sarcastic. So I’m going to bug you anyway. Besides, I want to know; who’s Brenda? Your mind was so scattered all I got was the name.”  
“Oh geeze. Brenda was a pet pig I took in when I was first got here.” He sniffed, “Creepers got her. That was the saddest pork chop I’ve ever eaten. But I got hurt too and I was living in a dirt hut at the time. I didn’t have the option to be choosy.”  
Herobrine nodded. “I see… You know I have never seen anyone get that high from my venom before. Maybe the Testificates are just lacking in imagination. I had a pretty good seat for watching your visions, and you were absolutely glorious. You moved the world around you like you were conducting a symphony.” The griefer passed by his field of view as he rolled up the string. “You also opened yourself like a pro and slid down on my dick like you were trying to swallow me with your ass. I have no idea what it sounds like when Enderman breed, but I’m surprised you didn’t attract a couple of horny males with the unholy noises you were making.”  
Steve twitched with embarrassment.  
“I know the mobs freak you out and I wasn’t sure if being a spider would turn you off, but you rode me like I was a prize stallion and you were trying to win a race. You talked constantly the whole time too.”  
“Why can’t I remember?”  
“Eh,” Herobrine shrugged. “Why do people not remember the rambles they go on while feverish?” He leaned over his prone double for a moment. “You may have some weird dreams at first, and then it will all come back.” He smiled warmly, “I can make you hallucinate, but it doesn’t do any real damage.” The god paused, “speaking of damage…” Herobrine held his arms close to Steve’s face for inspection. The surface was covered with curved bite marks, several of them were bloody. “You get awfully bitey when you’re excited.”  
Steve paled and opened his mouth to apologize. Herobrine silenced him with a kiss. “Don’t do that. I appreciate the effort. I don’t mind if you get rough with me. It’s not nearly as much fun if my partner doesn’t put up a little bit of a fight. And I drank a little of your blood, it was only fair to let you have some of mine. Besides, I probably deserve a worse beating just for being an evil prick who likes to scare people.”  
Steve made an effort to roll over; he was naked apart from his shirt, which was torn. Herobrine met his gaze, “don’t look at me, you tried to rip it off yourself.”  
The miner still felt a little dizzy and incredibly sticky. His rear was throbbing, but in a satisfied way. “Is sex always this messy? I feel like I fell ass-first onto a slime block. I need to just start carrying a sponge with me. ‘In case of Herobrine’ get item. I’d say just roll me into the tub, but I think I’d drown because I’ve forgotten how legs work.”  
Herobrine was trying really hard not to laugh at his sarcastic double. “Do you have any idea how adorable you are?”  
Steve’s smile was wry. “Don’t call me adorable, I’m a man, dammit.”  
The god sidled up to him and grabbed him around the shoulders. He pulled Steve gently towards the water basin. “That may very well be the case Steven. But you are also a man who loves my cock. And the reason you are such a mess this time is because you demanded that I use multiple slime balls and push them up inside you like you did to me. You also made me pause having sex so you could rub one of them on your nipples and, I think you called it a tiddy fuck? With my dick. In addition, we did it multiple times in different positions because you wanted me to ‘fill you up like a dirty whore with my hot spider juices’.”  
Steve was very quiet for a long moment. “Do you think it’s actually possible to die of shame?”  
“Probably not.”  
Herobrine paused in his pulling and threw a leg over his prone lover. He sat across Steve’s lap with the miner’s rod resting between his legs. He kissed his double, starting with pecks and then longer and slower kisses. “Don’t be ashamed,” he said breathlessly. “I’m not the kind of god who’d judge their most passionate follower. You really don’t realize how much power you actually have.” He spread his arms expansively, “All my creative abilities and I can’t make you love me; I can’t make you do anything. I can only release your inhibitions and see where the wind takes you.” The god lay forward, pressing himself against Steve. He didn’t care that his lover was a mess; he just wanted to be close to him while saying his piece. “Steven,” he said softly, “you’re really special to me. I can’t even deal with how happy I am because it’s such an alien feeling. I finally found someone who can appreciate all the weird things I can do.” He put his hands on the human’s flat cheeks and looked into his limpid blue eyes. Then he shut his own so that Steve would stop squinting. The griefer sighed, “I’ve had so many people try to kill me, and yet I am undone because of you. I am raw, naked and helpless because of silly little Steve who really believes he’s a loser everyone hates.”  
To his credit, Steve could not believe what he was hearing; he could only listen to the griefer’s confession in amazement. The man was afraid to say anything lest he ruin the moment.  
“I love you.” Herobrine said softly. “I never thought I’d say that to anyone, especially someone who has so thoroughly conquered and bound my unholy soul. I’d be anything for you, even if it was humiliating. You mean that much to me.”  
Steve reached for the god, running hands through his soft, brown hair. “Please look at me.”  
Herobrine opened his eyes, letting the glowing white light fill the space between them. “How is it,” the god asked, “that you and I have the same face, and yet you look like an angel?”  
“You’re the one that’s supernatural. I’m just a man.” He smiled warmly, “but I’m a man who loves you. And I’m really hoping I’m not still hallucinating because I don’t want to ever stop feeling this way.” Steve looked at the griefer’s expression, Herobrine turned slightly away, his throat choked closed with emotions he couldn’t articulate. “It’s funny,” the miner said, “I feel like something disgusting that the cat dragged in, and you look at me like you just found your first diamond.”  
The god blinked quickly, there was a slight haze around his eyes, but Steve couldn’t be sure about what he was seeing.  
“Maybe I did.” He ventured, “After all, diamonds are for protecting the things we care about.” His gaze flicked to the chip on the human’s finger. “And you protect me from falling back into the dismal prison I was trapped in.”  
The two stared at one another as the walls fell. Herobrine felt like he was shrinking as Steve realized just how dependent the griefer was upon his goodwill. He found himself holding his breath, to see how the human would react to the revelation that he was essentially in control of the closest thing this world had to a living god.  
“I won’t take advantage of you, Herobrine. Please don’t be sad.” Steve reached up and pulled the white-eyed apparition down next to him. He curled himself around his double and held him while he trembled with all the stress of a miserable lifetime crushing the breath from his lungs. He heaved and wheezed and shed hot tears that sizzled on the floor. After an eternity, he was still, and Steve petted his hair.  
Finally he spoke, barely above a whisper. “Steven? Would you be willing to come live with me permanently?”  
The human’s smile was wide and understanding. “Yes, I would. But I have a thought.”  
“Hmm?”  
Steve snuggled his angular chin into Herobrine’s neck. “You gave me a diamond ring and now you want me to move in. Should I start making something white to wear and pick a bunch of pretty flowers for the big day?”  
“I’m surprised you don’t want me to wear the dress.”  
“It would go well with your eyes…”  
Herobrine treated him to a raised eyebrow. “Don’t tease wounded animals, it’s not nice.” He rolled himself so he was again straddling the mostly naked and grinning adventurer.  
Suddenly, Steve’s own eyes widened, “holy… Herobrine! I have an idea. Don’t read my thoughts, just follow my logic. Let me get this straight, if you suggest to me that you’re transforming into something, and I go along with it, it will really happen?”  
“Yes, I’ve done it in front of multiple people, it doesn’t last long, but I only need one person to believe what’s happening is real.”  
“So… technically if you changed into something that had wings, you’d be able to fly under your own power again?”  
“Yes and no. I’d need to keep the person having the vision close to me. As soon as I got out of your line of sight, I’d change back and fall.”  
Steve fixed him with a grin that almost unsettled the griefer. “So tell me this, God of chaos,” he asked sweetly. “What has wings and is big enough to carry one small miner?”  
Herobrine felt something bubble up from deep inside, and he laughed full and hard enough to shake them both. “You really are the love of my life.” He offered the half-naked man beneath him a gentlemanly elbow. “My dearest, would you do me the honor of going griefing with me tonight?”  
“Absolutely.”

* * * * * * * * *


	11. How to Train Your Herobrine

Herobrine cracked his knuckles, “okay, let’s try this again. Look at the picture.” The god wasn’t much of an artist, but he’d done his best to render the dragon at the end of the world.   
Steve nodded, and tried to memorize all the details in his mind. He and the griefer were standing just outside the fence around the god’s cobblestone tower. Steve had spent most of the morning cutting down trees to make a decent clearing.   
“Okay, look into my eyes. Yes, I know it’s hard because they’re bright. Just do your best to be receptive to my suggestions. I need you to believe and hold onto that thought or both of us could get injured or worse.”  
Steve focused on his double and tried to superimpose the image over Herobrine. The griefer was doing his best to act like an animal. His hands were crooked over with fingers spread like grasping claws. His shoulders were hunched as if bowed under wings, and he bared his sharp and crooked teeth and growled at the human who was staring at him with all the intensity of an angry Enderman.  
Steve burst into uncontrollable laughter.   
Herobrine stood up. “Oh come on! It can’t be that funny, dammit. People have had heart attacks and died of fright because of me. And the one fucking time I NEED you to be terrified you can’t stop giggling!”  
Steve wiped tears from his eyes, “I can’t help it. You’re trying so hard it’s funny. I feel like I’m looking at myself making silly monster faces in a mirror.”   
His double stomped a foot in irritation. “This is so frustrating. I bet you could do it if I was going to fuck you.” He said sourly.  
Steve’s mouth contracted into one small pixel, he was suddenly having some of the nastiest thoughts that had ever occurred to him. Herobrine sensed the change and wheeled on him. He stared down a nervously smiling Steve who was desperately trying to think of anything else to blot out the images that had crossed his mind.   
“Really? You know that would probably kill you right? The dragon isn’t even fully male, it’s a hermaphrodite. But an animal that size... their equipment…” he coughed, “would probably be the same length as your torso.”   
Steve’s expression was pained, it was impossible to not visualize what was being said to him and the mental images were spurring the griefer to question him even more intensely. Herobrine was grinning now, thoroughly enjoying teasing his beau. He just kept closing in on Steve, circling him like a shark as he tried to block the god out of his thoughts.   
“Or would you just fuck the dragon, Steve? Do you think they would like that? I bet it would be the only sexual attention that solitary beast has ever had. Just spend a day licking, fondling and sucking on whatever they have down there?”   
“Errrgh!” Steve was cringing now; Herobrine seemed to be getting bigger, filling up the world with nothing but darkness and the white panes of his glowing eyes. The gods breath was hot and smoky and he swore the griefer’s teeth were getting longer as he talked.   
“Or maybe you just want that long reptilian tongue all the way up inside you? Just filling your needy hole and undulating against your prostate?”  
Steve grabbed himself roughly through his pants and shut his eyes, this was sheer torture, and he could do nothing more then go along with the filthy words and images coming in through his hindbrain. He squeezed himself to try and stem his burning arousal.   
Herobrine was hissing sibilantly now, “They’d put their big paws on your frail human body, push you down and just use you. Fill you with oceans of cum and make you scream. You think I make a sticky mess of you, imagine rutting with something the size of a house.”   
Steve groaned in pleasurable agony. He could take no more, and promptly came in his pants. Staggering slightly, he tried to catch his breath. And then almost fell over from shock.   
The miner was standing in the cold shadow of a vast black dragon with dead white eyes. The tremendous head was cocked downward so the beast could stare at him. “That worked far better then expected,” Herobrine said with a grin. “You’ve got a really dirty mind Steve. I like it! I’d tell you to go change your pants but I don’t want to lose this when we’ve actually made some progress.” He put his chin on the ground. “Hop on, it’s not like it will be the first time you’ve gotten your seeds on me.”   
“That was mean,” Steve said ruefully.   
“Yeah, but it worked. Come one, this will be fun, admit it, I make a pretty impressive dragon. You just have to keep holding that thought.” A whisper thin tongue snaked out of the beast’s maw and rubbed its slimy forked tip against Steve’s cheek. He shuddered. “And if you need to think about doing dirty things to or with me to make that happen, you just go right ahead and do that too.”   
Steve sighed, “I think I’m good for now. And you do make a pretty awesome beast. Do you think you can fly?”   
“No freaking clue, I have zero idea how to use this body. The wings just feel like an extra pair of hands, but you have no idea how weird it is to suddenly have a tail.”  
Steve scooted himself down the dragons broad neck and grabbed the beasts small ears with both hands.   
Herobrine’s eyes crossed, “not so hard!”   
Steve wore a shit-eating grin. “I’m making a mental note; don’t grab your ears while I’m riding you, got it.”  
The dragon smirked as best he could, “You are just as bad as I am, maybe worse.” He took a deep breath, “okay, let’s try this while we still have time. Remember; I’m a dragon; Dragonbrine. Keep it in the back of your mind. This is as real as it gets.” He took a lumbering step and then another, trying to get used to walking on all fours. Dragonbrine picked his way down the hill and headed for the beach. He tried running and flapping his wings, but only succeeded in looking like an awkward chicken-duck.   
“Maybe we need to jump off a short hill?” Steve ventured.   
The griefer-cum-dragon shuffled uneasily. “And if it doesn’t work, we both plow headfirst into the ground.”   
“If you want to fly, you’re going to have to try something different, because this isn’t working. I wish I could help somehow.”  
“Wait, maybe you can help… close your eyes and imagine we’re flying. You’re a bigger part of what I’m doing here then you realize.”  
Steve nodded and squeezed his eyes shut. He thought about what it would feel like to have the wind in his face, darkening the empty sky with vast black wings. He stretched out his arms and let the flow of air under them inspire his visions.   
Herobrine surged underneath him, wide paws churning the sand into rolling clouds. The griefer said a silent prayer to anyone who might be listening and leaped from a sand dune into the air. For a moment they were falling, and then he felt Steve begin to fly. It was as if hands were raising him up and he flapped his newfound wings desperately trying to find his own lift. “Whatever you’re doing, Steve; keep it up!” He felt the miner slip a little and grab his ears again to keep from sliding off. Herobrine bit his tongue to keep from vocalizing how much that hurt. And then Steve was down, clinging flat against the back of his wide head. The human let out a whoop of elation. He hugged as much of the god as he could get his hands around. “Her- I mean Dragonbrine! You’re amazing! Look at that view!”   
Down below the world spread out like a map, gold sands, lush forests, towering jungle trees and snow-capped mountains in the distance. There was no sound except for the rush of wind and flapping of leathery wings. The griefer dipped and wheeled gently, not wanting to dislodge his rider.   
The adventurer tapped the side of the dragons head and he strained to see Steve’s small face at the edge of his peripheral vision. The wind tore his voice away, but he could see that the human was pointing at the Testificate village coming up ahead of them. Down below, they’d already been spotted. The villagers were pushing a pair of slow-moving iron golems towards the near edge of the town. Herobrine banked and made a lazy loop back around to pass it again. The golems were waving their arms, spoiling for a fight with the massive beast that had appeared from nowhere. The dragon grinned; he swooped low and snatched the iron golems off the ground as if they were nothing. The robots struggled vainly in his grip. He lifted himself as high as he dared and dropped the creatures above the village. The heavy metal monsters exploded on impact, leaving deep craters in the center of town and the largest house.  
Steve could feel all his hearts pounding with excitement; he could hardly breathe for the rush of adrenaline. Herobrine swooped gracefully close to the ground and let his dangling paws shear the tops off a few houses. He made a show of roaring so the Testificates would run and hide, and Steve took a chance, lifting himself high on the dragon to gesture regally at the fleeing crowd. The miner knew his shouting would be lost to the wind, so he thought loudly; “I hope they’ll think I’m you. It should help keep your evil reputation alive.”   
Herobrine looked down at the destruction he’d wrought and decided it was enough for now. Night had fallen and it was the perfect time to slip away into the blackness and leave his foes with nightmares of wings in starlight. He posed dramatically against the moon and then turned away towards the desert, and out of sight. A handy cloud hid their escape. And the dragon allowed himself a wicked laugh at the chaos they had caused together.   
Suddenly he realized Steve’s thoughts were muddled. The miner was grasping at the dragon as if he might fall. “Can’t breathe…” With a mounting sense of horror he felt the human’s grip go slack and the small weight fall from his neck. Herobrine dived to catch him even as he felt himself shrinking and shifting. Even as the griefer caught hold of Steve; the dragon shape shredded away like so much smoke. And he was left in human form, plummeting like a stone with his unconscious lover in his arms. In the few seconds before they hit the ground, Herobrine curled himself around Steve in a desperate attempt to protect him.   
Their impact shattered the ground like a massive creeper explosion. Herobrine opened his eyes and everything was pain. His arms were empty. He let his head loll sideways. A reassuring thought cut through his agony. ‘It’s okay, he’ll just respawn. It’s not goodbye.’ He realized belatedly that he couldn’t move. A quick status check showed he was now carrying all the things Steve had dropped when he died. And… the griefer grimaced, just half a heart left, almost dead, but never quite able to reach that point. Herobrine lay in the sand, staring at the starry sky. There was nothing to do but sit still and heal for a few minutes before starting the long walk home.   
Then a quiet noise got his attention, a clacking and groaning, and the sound of shuffling feet. A head poked up over the ridge of the crater and his eyes widened in alarm. The mobs had found him. There was the sound of bows being drawn and the wet thock of arrows finding their mark.   
Herobrine screamed in pain and fury, and the sounds of his suffering went on for a long time. 

* * * * * * * * *


	12. Hard Reset

At some point the griefer felt that he must be having an out of body experience. He could see his battered form laying crumpled in the bloody sand as the zombies and Enderman took turns beating him. It seemed like the night would last forever.  
A movement on the horizon drew his gaze and he felt the white hot rush of human rage roll over him like a wave. A small blue and brown figure was tearing across the sand towards his almost-corpse and leaving the visible swirls of a speed potion in its wake.  
Steve was blind with fury and he let loose with an anguished battle cry as he dove into the crowd of monsters. They tore at his old leather armor, and even managed to lodge a few arrows in his flesh. But it seemed nothing could stand in the mad human’s way. He spun and stabbed, taking the head of an Enderman with an old iron sword even as he knocked a zombie down with a kick. He grabbed a flashing creeper and threw it like a sack of sand into a pair of skeletons. Their bones flew outward with the force of the explosion. A spider tried to jump the miner, but ended up with a blade in its belly. Blood splashed across Steve’s livid face and he roared a challenge to anyone else who wanted to get in his way. For the first time in Steve’s memory, they hesitated. “Fight me you cowards!” He spat at the mobs. His vision was clouded with red and the monsters could feel the change in him. “I’ll kill you and eat your spines!” For the first time in Steve’s memory, they hesitated. A skeleton nocked an arrow and it hit the enraged human in the arm. Steve was panting, spider blood dribbling from his face. The sudden pain seemed to electrify him. He charged the mobs; swinging his sword madly.  
And then just as suddenly, there were none. The remaining beasts fled and left the human standing alone. His hearts were pounding fit to explode and he shook with anger and the true realization of the risk he’d just taken. Walking back to the crater, he tore off what remained of his leather armor. Pulling the painful arrows out and throwing them aside as he staggered down to the forlorn body in the sand. It destroyed him to see his lover like this, crumpled like a doll in the bottom of the hole. The light in his eyes was all but extinguished and they guttered like candle flames. He fell to his knees, feeling the griefer’s neck for a pulse. Steve must have found some whisper of life still lingering because he breathed a sigh of relief. The human pulled the arrows from Herobrine’s flesh, but the god gave no sign that he felt any of it. Gently he slid Herobrine’s eyes closed, and said softly. “It’s okay. I’m here, you’re safe now.”  
Slowly, painfully, he lifted Herobrine from the bloody ground, slung him over his own shoulders, and headed for home.

* * * * * * * * *

Steve was pacing the floor again when the knock came. He’d practically worn a long track in the carpet worrying about his charge. Ever hopeful, the miner ran to the front door and opened it.  
“Alex? What are you doing here?”  
“Well, I heard… little birdy… that something happened to Herobrine out in the desert. Someone else said he was riding a dragon? The village is wrecked and everyone is pretty mad at him. But no one has seen him out griefing for almost two weeks, I guessed something was wrong. It seemed mean-spirited to at least not come and check on you guys.”  
Steve ushered her in. “So much for keeping it a secret. He took a serious fall that knocked him down to half a heart, and the monsters ganged up on him. I had to carry him home. I’m still worried the mobs will make another attempt to come finish him off. Alex… they hurt him so badly. He’s alive but just barely. I know he can’t die but he doesn’t seem to be healing either. I’ve just been watching over him as best I can. I don’t know how to help, and it’s making me crazy. What if he’s fatally glitched and never wakes up? I don’t know what I’d do.”  
Alex sighed. “I don’t know how to fix him any better then you do. I actually came to apologize and bring him a present. I feel shitty for not thanking him for the onions. And I guess I over-reacted. He did replace what he broke after all. Can he eat at least?”  
“Only soup,” Steve replied sadly. “I’ve just been spoon-feeding him. He’s out cold and has been since I brought him home.”  
Alex deflated slightly, “I was hoping it was just a food issue; that should make him heal.”  
“But he’s not like us Alex. The usual things don’t work and I’m out of ideas.”  
The archer was silent for a long moment, “I might have an idea; can I see him?”  
Steve led her down the dark stairs in the kitchen and out into the basement where Herobrine lay in fitful sleep. The griefer was still bruised and bloody. Steve had set his injuries and wrapped them, but all was the same as it had been since the miner rescued him. He looked thin under the quilt and no light spilled from underneath his eyelids.  
Alex examined the unconscious griefer and wheeled on Steve. “What about lava? It worked when you hurt him, he healed instantly, remember?”  
“But what if he’s out because his status has changed again? I don’t want to maim him because he’s not immune anymore.”  
“Well… what if we just put him next to his pool? He loves the heat, it might wake him up.”  
“I guess it couldn’t hurt. I’ve just been keeping him warm with blankets. Can you help me carry him? I don’t want to make his injuries worse.”  
Alex stretched her shoulders, “Let’s just take the whole bed upstairs. You get the foot.”  
After a brief struggle in the narrow doorway; the bed with Herobrine on it was placed next to the lava pool in the main room. They bundled him in a quilt and laid him on the cobbles close to the edge.  
The two sat on the floor in silence, watching for some sign of life or movement. Alex started to doze from the heat and heard Steve talking faintly under his breath.  
“Come on love, wake up. Please come back, I miss you so much and I don’t know what else to do.” He pulled Herobrine’s limp arm out of the bedroll and crushed his fingers against the miner’s tear-stained cheek. “I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner. This was all my stupid idea; my fault. Please don’t die. I love you.”  
He sat back, sniffling softly as the tears rolled unchecked down his face. He laid the gods hand down beside his body and sat back on his heels.  
Alex put her arm around Steve and held him as he cried without restraint. “You’re a good man,” she whispered. “He could never hope to have had a better friend. Keep that close to your heart. In his own weird way, I know he loves you too. Wherever he’s gone.”  
The archer stiffened, “Wait! Look there!”  
The hand that Steve had freed from the blankets, was twitching, inching with glacial slowness toward the edge of the pool. As they watched in mute astonishment Herobrine’s hand fell limp into the gooey liquid stone. He jolted, his whole body jerking like he’d been shocked. With a gasp Herobrine’s eyes sprang open. And he flexed himself like a bow and pulled at the edge of the pool. His entire body rolled into the lava as Steve instinctively grabbed for him. His efforts left him holding only the blanket, and the humans were left watching the shimmering slurry that Herobrine had disappeared under.  
A bubble broke the surface with a bloop, and then another. The lava boiled and steamed as if it were going to erupt out of the pool. The humans retreated back into the corner, and Alex set to breaking the wall behind them so they could escape if need be.  
A figure crawled awkwardly out of the pool, a person in form but glowing red hot, impossible to look at directly. It collapsed on the stone floor and heaved up and down as if struggling to breathe. After a moment the light faded, and Herobrine was left lying on the cobbles. He opened his luminous white eyes and blinked sleepily. “Steve..?”  
The miner ran to him, scooping him into his arms and rocking him back and forth, as he cried happy tears on his supernatural double. “You’re alive!”  
Herobrine smiled, letting himself sink gratefully into his mate’s arms. “I’m only alive because of you. You saved me.”  
“But you got hurt because of me, I’m so sorry.”  
“And you braved the mobs to come back for me. Not just anyone would do that. I saw you fight them. You’re the best Steve, and I’m the luckiest person in the world to have you for both a lover and a friend.”  
Herobrine leaned over to get a better look at the beaming archer. “That said, Alex. Thank you for reminding Steve about the lava. Seriously, just roll me in the fire if I get hurt that badly. If it’s anywhere in reach I’ll go right for it like a squid to water. That stuff will heal me of just about anything.”  
“Wait,” Steve interjected. “How did you know Alex reminded me about the lava?”  
“I could hear you and see what you were doing from the outside,” Herobrine replied. The miners face shaded slightly pink. “No need for that, you took good care of me and your singing voice is actually quite impressive.”  
“But why did this happen?” Alex asked, puzzled. “I’ve seen you heal yourself by eating before. Why didn’t it work this time?”  
Herobrine hesitated; it wasn’t something he liked people to know about him. But Alex had just helped save him from what could have been a permanent status. She deserved an explanation. “It’s because I’ve never been hurt that badly in the Overworld before. I heal very quickly and there's no beast strong enough to take all my hearts with one hit. And even if someone could manage it with a trap or a trick; the person I was griefing probably would have lost their fear of me and sent me back to the Nether where there’s lava everywhere anyway. I can’t recover from a critical hit that takes all my hearts at once, my coding is too damaged. The lava resets me.”  
Herobrine looked up at Steve; he could see the pity in his blue eyes. “It was my saving grace,” he continued. “Zombie pig-men aren’t too bright, but they keep the Nether clean. So if you’re dead or dying, they’ll push you in the lava to get rid of the body. That’s why there aren’t any normal zombies down there and the wither skeletons are all burned and black. So I’d lay still or scream when they threw me in and then just hide under the surface until they went away. I always kept a blaze rod with me so I’d have a straw to breathe through.” He chuckled ruefully. “Stupid pig-men actually helped me several times without meaning too. The mobs up here however…” His hands curled into fists as he shook with anger and remembered pain. “They’re smarter then that. I think they even knew I wouldn’t be able to die. They just wanted a chance to hurt me as much as possible when I couldn’t fight back.” His voice broke, “they tortured me all night. And I think that if you hadn’t saved me, they would have just kept coming back night after night until I faded from everyone’s memory and fell back into the Nether.” He gripped Steve’s shirt and the human hugged him closer. “And you…”  
“It’s okay,” Steve murmured. “You’re safe now. And now we know how to help you if you ever get hurt that badly again.”  
Alex scooted over and sat cross-legged in front of the pair. She laid a motherly kiss on Herobrine’s forehead and he looked at her in amazement. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. Your temper just scares me sometimes. Thank you for replacing my furniture. The jungle wood you gave me is much prettier then oak anyway.” She flicked through her inventory and came up with a bowl that steamed gently. “I made you something this time, and you could probably use the nourishment anyway.”  
Steve helped his beau to sit up, and Herobrine took the bowl gratefully. The miner could tell he was trying to tamp down his emotions and rubbed his back to encourage him. The griefer took in the heady aroma and drained the thin liquid in a few gulps. He gave a tiny hiccup and Alex giggled sweetly. “What do you think?”  
“I feel better already, thank you.” He smacked his lips, “tastes like you’ve had fun playing with the onions I brought you.”  
“Oh yes, they go really nice with a beef broth. I brought the recipe if you want to make it yourself later.”  
He raised an eyebrow, “clever. I was thinking… I…” Herobrine yawned broadly. “Eh. I’m healed but I’m still so tired.”  
Steve gave him a small smile, “maybe we should take a nap.”  
“That sounds nice.”  
Alex stood up and brushed a few stray pixels from her trousers. “I think I’ll leave you lovebirds alone. I’ll come back and visit again in a few days. Just keep me posted.”  
“Thank you,” Herobrine said, “for forgiving me.”  
She gave them a quick nod and departed. It made her feel good to see them together. It didn’t change her opinion that Herobrine was a sadist and Steve was not the sharpest arrow in the quiver, but, she thought. ‘We all have to find happiness in our own ways.’  
Herobrine shook his head lightly, “I could sleep for a million years.”  
“Well don’t do that, you’ve been out cold for half a month as it is.”  
“Oh, pretty please? Just one more day?”  
Steve gave the smirking griefer a calculating look. “You are feeling better; your snark is coming back.” His thick fingers carded through his doubles hair, “your eyes are looking brighter too.”  
The griefer sighed, “I really do need a little more. I want to stay near my pool and soak up the heat for a while. Just give me a pillow and I’ll be good. Okay?”  
“Oh, all right.” Steve let him down gently and padded his head. “I can’t lay with you though; I’m already feeling half-cooked from just sitting here.”  
Herobrine let his eyes slip closed. “I’ll make it up to you later.”

* * * * * * * * *


	13. Just Fuck Me Up

The griefer awoke to something furry close to his face, he snorted and Karen drew back in alarm.   
“Tis! Sssss!”  
“Hey, be nice!” Steve called from the adjoining room. “I’ve got something for you anyway... Karen?” The creeper looked towards the sound of the voice and shuffled quickly towards the front door. “Oh no you don’t!” Steve hurled himself across the floor and tackled the creeper. Herobrine watched in amazement as Steve wrestled with the plant monster and forced something over its head. He pushed the tube down around the creeper and stepped back. “There, that’s better.”  
Karen pouted and rolled on the floor a little bit before curling up in a sulky ball of clashing colors.   
Herobrine coughed meaningfully.  
“Oh! You’re awake!”  
“I’m awake and intensely curious. Did you just put a garment on a creeper? And where did you find something that would even fit her?”   
Steve beamed proudly, “I made it myself. I found a way to bind pixels without blood. Well, I can make clothes; it doesn’t work for anything stiff.”  
Herobrine levered himself up, his eyes were even brighter and wider then usual. “How did you manage that!?”   
Steve skittered over to him and flipped through his stash of items. “It’s because of you. Remember those sticks and string you gave me? Watch this.” With deft fingers the miner produced a cube of string and pulled out a loose end. He wrapped it around one of the two green sticks and then preformed a complex maneuver passing the pixels back and forth one at a time. He was making knots that created a second row and then a third that hung like a flag under one stick. The sticks ticked together in a surprisingly hypnotic fashion. Steve’s smile was eight blocks wide. “I call it kitting, because of the noise. Now Karen will stand out and I don’t have to worry about her scaring me anymore.”  
The griefer looked at the sulking creeper, the garment in question was like a large sock that covered the creature’s torso and puddled around the tops of her legs. It was done in wide stripes of orange, red, black and grey wool. His shoulders shook.   
Steve looked incensed, “what’s so funny?”   
Herobrine kissed him. “You are; you are funny and clever and thoughtful and absolutely brilliant. And I love you to pixels. But that is so hideous it’s come out the other side and become cute. That said; it’s still not nearly as cute as you; my sweet thoughtful lamb, who even shares his wool with creepers.”   
Steve looked at him for a long moment.   
“You have something to ask me, it’s been burning you up since I got hurt. Why don’t you just say it?”   
“Herobrine, I need to know why you fell. Why didn’t you glitch yourself to the ground like before?”   
“I couldn’t Steve. Glitch teleporting requires a few seconds of concentration so that I don’t end up lodged inside a block when I reappear. And my mind was… occupied.” He scooted close to the confused miner, and put his hands on the flat sides of Steve’s face. He laid soft lips on the other man’s cheek, whispering the words he could barely say directly into the mind of his double. ‘My first instinct used to be to save myself. I fell because I was trying to catch you first so I could save us both.’   
Steve blanched. He wrapped himself around Herobrine and just held him for a long time.   
After a while the griefer gently untangled them. “It’s all okay now. And I guess I’ve laid any questions of my loyalties to rest, haven’t I? Either that or you think I’m stupid for forgetting that you can respawn normally if you die, and I had nothing to worry about in the first place.” He held Steve’s arms. “Look, I want to do something for you, but I need to make some space. Can you take Karen for a walk or something? I’m going to go work downstairs for a bit.”  
Steve shrugged, “okay. She’s probably hungry anyway.”   
“Tis!!!” 

* * * * * * * * *

Steve knocked on the wall at the top of the fresh staircase that led down into a dark pit below Herobrine’s bedroom. “Are you down there?”  
“Yes! I’m done if you want to join me.”  
“You’re not going to string me up again are you?”   
A pair of eyes shone brightly at the foot of the stairs and a light flared up as Herobrine stuck a torch in the wall. “No, not unless you want me too. I just needed some space.”  
Steve came down the steps, “you weren’t kidding, this room is huge! Did you find anything good cutting it?”   
“Yes, a few things. I’m getting better at mining without breaking everything to bits.” He walked around placing torches until Steve could see the full scope of the empty cube he’d cut under the house. “Some coal, lots of iron, and my favorite metal - gold. It’s tacky and useless and I love it.”  
“Pfft. Is that why you have to find so much of it for a summoner?”  
“All the parts are a challenge to acquire; it guarantees that the person calling must have some level of skill either in mining or being a sneaky thief. And either one could put up an interesting fight. But that’s not why I made the space. I thought we could use a little privacy for an experiment.”  
Steve looked at the griefer cautiously.   
“I want you to help me transform again.”  
“But you won’t be able to get out of this room.”  
“I have had my fill of flying for a while, and I have no intention of going out like that again anytime soon either. This is for you, I’d like to make good on some of my more sensual innuendo.”   
The human’s eyebrows were aggressively trying to hide under his hairline. “Seriously? I… uh… okay. Give me a sec.”  
“Don’t strain yourself, it should be much easier now that we’re done it once before. You know what I should look and feel like. And I want you to see me transform this time, as much as that is possible. Just focus on me, and remember how I was.”   
The miner felt a bit like Herobrine was trying to hypnotize him, but it was surreal to see him change. The god leaned forward and kept on leaning, dissolving into black fog that circled around the human and kept growing larger. He felt brushes of reptile skin against himself and realized he was no longer standing on the floor. The wings opened almost to full in the small space. He felt like he was rising as the huge head loomed up over him and the form of the Enderdragon opened Herobrine’s luminous eyes. Steve found himself feeling very small as he stood on the paws of the huge black dragon.   
“So strange…” Herobrine murmured, “to feel so large, and yet, so minute. Like standing in the center of a cathedral while directing the guards on the outer walls to do my bidding.” He flexed the alien musculature, swishing his tail back and forth as he adjusted to the massive shape. “And you, Steve, you shine like a star. I noticed it before, but it’s brighter now. I think it’s the warmth of your wonderful loving hearts.” Herobrine moved strangely and Steve realized he was scratching at himself with one of his back feet. He stopped suddenly and shifted around in an uncomfortable way. “Oh.” The griefer said. “Well it looks like I was wrong about the anatomy. There’s nothing here I recognize. Just something that’s probably a cloacae, so unless you want to fist me with your whole arm there’s not much we can do with that.” He brightened a little, “it’s okay though, I still have what I really wanted to use.” Dragonbrine let his jaws fall slack and a long tongue slithered from between his lips. His tone was mischievous, “this is the part where you get naked.”  
“Got it.” The griefer watched with a rapt attention as the human bounced around trying to expose himself as fast as possible. There was nothing particularly graceful about Steve, but it was charming seeing how hard he tried.   
The dragon lifted the stripped miner closer to his face and sat back on his haunches. He opened his mouth slightly and felt Steve begin to shake in his hands. The miner sat down on his palms, trying to compose himself.   
Dragonbrine pulled his head back a little, “what’s wrong my lamb?”  
“I’m just… scared. Logically I know you’re not going to eat me, but I’m still a small naked mammal in the hands of a gigantic reptile. Those basic instincts are a bit hard to just tamp down.”   
“Okay, I understand, I think I can help.” The dragon let Steve down gently and pulled himself halfway up the stairs. He used one paw to reach into the room above and dragged the bed down the steps with it. Dragonbrine placed it at the foot of the staircase and Steve climbed onto it. The creature put himself behind the small miner and spoke softly as to not hurt his ears. “There you go. Now you can be more comfortable and you could conceivably run away if I freak you out too much. It’s not like I can follow you upstairs without seriously injuring myself. Hopefully none of that will matter though, because I want to make you scream in ecstasy, not fear. So how about lifting up so I can ravish you for a bit?”   
Steve nodded mutely, he was a little unsure, but it wasn’t like Herobrine bore him any actual ill will. The griefer was mean, but he always made sure his partner was enjoying it.  
“That’s a good lamb…” Dragonbrine feasted his eyes on his lover, poised like an offering to a god of sex rather then chaos. He rubbed his large head gently against Steve, warming his flesh and enjoying the scent of his skin. The dragon allowed his long tongue to sweep across the miners back and undulate down into his personal ravine. The end of it was forked and he wriggled the tiny tips into Steve’s mineshaft.   
The sound was incoherent, but it communicated a world of desire and pleasure to his partner. Steve rutted backwards, trying to get more of the dragons muscle inside of his ass. He whined as the points rubbed and pinched at his prostate.   
‘How deep do you want it?’ Herobrine asked inside his mind.  
‘Fill me.’  
‘This I can do.’  
The dragon-cum-griefer gathered himself up small, pulling in his feet like a cat as he got comfortable, tucking in his wings and letting his jaw hang slack underneath the humans genitals. Thankfully the Enderdragon had the flat toothless mouth of something astral and there were no teeth to endanger Steve’s jewels. He caught the human’s cock and balls between the base of his tongue and bottom lip and gently suckled on them as he worked his tongue deeper into the rapidly gaping ass of his lover.   
Steve was doing his best to stay still but he was caught in some nether region between intense ecstasy and extreme terror. He couldn’t decide whether to moan as his dick was being sucked or scream because he was laying with almost all his lower half in the mouth of a monster with a tongue that was slowly working its way up into his stomach.   
Herobrine could feel Steve’s emotions as surely as he could the inside of the frail human’s guts pressing on his tongue. He wiggled the appendage and felt Steve cum in his mouth as he desperately writhed on the organ that penetrated him. He pressed again and again, as Steve’s wails became progressively weaker with each orgasm. Tears streaked his face and his flesh was drenched in salty sweat. “Enough!” He managed to whimper. “I can’t take it anymore.”   
‘I understand.’   
Herobrine closed his jaws as gently around Steve as if he were picking up a kitten and rolled the man on his side. He opened them again and slowly pulled his ribbon of a tongue out of the human’s body. Steve twitched and moaned in discomfort as he did it, but he knew that moving too quickly could damage him. When the tip finally emerged Steve rolled himself into a little ball. He wasn’t hurt, but just terribly weak, hungry and exhausted both mentally and physically.   
Dragonbrine fetched a chest from the far corner of the room and placed it beside the bed. “I thought this might happen, so I brought some food down too.”  
Steve crawled unsteadily to the edge of the bed and opened the chest. He chose a pumpkin pie and a steak and wolfed them down like he hadn’t eaten in days. He rolled over flat on his back. “Thanks for that. I haven’t gotten that low on food in a long time. And that was amazing by the way, though; I think I’ll politely pass on ever doing it again. My guts hurt from having something that far inside. I can’t imagine that was terribly pleasant for you either.”   
Herobrine shrugged his wings. “This dragon doesn’t have much in the way of taste buds. I just wanted to make you feel good. Is there something better I can do instead?”  
Steve opened his arms, “yes. I want you.”  
“I told you, the anatomy is wrong…”  
“No, I want the real you. Naked and man-shaped.”  
As Steve let go of the illusion; Herobrine shrank down to his human self again. It wasn’t nearly as powerful a form, but it felt good in the way of comfortable old clothes. He pulled off his shirt and shed his pants, feeling oddly weak and vulnerable after being so vast and monstrous. Herobrine stood at the foot of the bed and looked down at the sprawled out miner. “I could be anything for you. Why is this form what you want?”   
“Because that’s the ‘you’ I fell in love with.” The burly adventurer pulled the griefer down on the bed and snuggled close to him. “I was so worried about you. I couldn’t even see straight. I practically poisoned myself drinking speed potions just to get to you as soon as possible. All I need is you, here, warm and alive in my arms. As you are, and safe.”   
“Safe…” Herobrine murmured. “Thank you Steve. For loving me as I am.”  
“You’re welcome.”


	14. Mobs At The Door

Herobrine lay in Steve’s arms until his lover feel asleep. He felt slightly guilty for wearing the man out so much that he’d willingly pass out whilst still covered in dragon spittle and cum. But it in the end it didn’t matter; sheets and bodies could be washed. Caring for his human lover was more important then pride. And the fact that he thought these things surprised even him. He was feeling restless and strange, he could sense the moon hanging above, and hear just enough noise from the surface far above to unsettle his nerves.  
He lifted Steve’s arm off of him and laid it down gently to the side. Herobrine made a few small calculations and teleported across the room. The god looked back at Steve, who still slept peacefully.   
The griefer gathered his clothes and tiptoed up the stairs into the kitchen. He dunked himself in the lava for a moment and then got dressed. Sitting on the bench he paused putting on his shoes. Lingering alien thoughts were intruding on his mind, he was having trouble shaking the feeling that his body was too small and lacking in reptilian features.   
He ran his hands up and down his human form, trying to ground himself. Secretly Herobrine was glad Steve didn’t want to rut with the dragon, because he wasn’t sure he wanted to ever take that form again. It attracted far too much attention, and while impressive, lacked in subtlety. Best to strike from the shadows and remain enigmatic.   
His thoughts turned to Steve and his hands shook slightly. The villagers hardly left their own little territory, but it was chilling to think he might make them cross enough to come here with the obligatory pickaxes and torches. In a way, living in the over-world made him so much more vulnerable. No miner, no matter how mad, would ever follow him into the Nether. But here… he looked at the tower around him. Here they could be found and burned out. He paced the floor as the stars wheeled overhead.   
‘How to broach the subject? And if Steve said yes, where could they even go? Would Steve be willing to move farther away from Alex?’ Herobrine stopped in his tracks, ‘would *I* be willing to move away from Alex?’   
Slowly he became aware of a sound he should not be hearing. A sort of muttering, shuffling, hissing, clicking… He flipped his scythe into his hand and stepped out into the night air. The yard was poorly lit since keeping the mobs away hadn’t been an issue before, but now a terrible thought was gaining traction. He ventured out to the front gate and peered out at the tree line beyond.   
They were waiting for him.   
“Come to challenge me?” He hissed, growing angrier by the minute. “Do you really think any of you are strong enough to put me back in the sorry state I accidentally put myself in?” The god shook his head, eyes growing brighter. “You’re wrong.”   
An Enderman signaled and a volley of skeletons arrows hit the ground where Herobrine had been standing. He spoke from the top of the wall, “fine, we’ll do this your way.”  
Faster then even the black apparitions could follow, he was gone again. There was just a brief flash of bright eyes as he vanished and reappeared amongst the veritable army of monsters at his doorstep. Blood, limbs and items sprayed everywhere he jumped. The scythe cut through bone and flesh like paper, even breaking his victims into bits before they expired.   
“Did you think there would be no price for what you did to me!?” The Enderman were giving chase now, only seconds behind the maddened griefer. Their long arms just missing their target as he moved like a flash of lightning. He twisted himself gracefully mid-strike and the black monsters disappeared in a spray of pearls.   
Herobrine appeared in the open center of the crowd and addressed them. His eyes were blazing and his form was spattered with both green and red blood. “How many?!” He shouted, “How many of you do I need to kill to remind you what I am? TELL ME. AND I’LL DO IT RIGHT NOW.”   
The monsters kept shuffling towards him, and he was gone again. Arrows missed their marks and creepers blew up spiders and zombies that couldn’t get away soon enough. Increasingly frustrated, Herobrine let his strikes go wild, just trying to do as much damage as possible before exhausting himself. It seemed there was no end to the assault. A flash of blue at the gate caught his eye and distracted him for a crucial moment. He swore as two arrows thudded into his back. Herobrine threw a pearl over the fence, and reappeared, staggering behind Steve. The miner was fresh and spoiling for a fight. He’d been anticipating this problem since the day he brought Herobrine’s unconscious body home.   
Steve’s diamond armor gleamed and there was a haze of violet over his sword and chest plate. He turned slightly so the griefer could see his eyes. “Stay here Herobrine, it’s my turn now.” The miner threw a bottle in the air and let it break over his helmet. There was a flash of spirals and he was gone. Not teleporting, but faster then the mobs. The beasts charged him in waves, and he obliged their politeness with slaughter.   
Herobrine watched for a moment as his hearts ticked back up, waiting to join the fray. Overhead the sky was shading lighter. He rushed forward, they had only to survive a little longer and the mobs would burst into flames with the dawn.   
The god and the man stood back to back, and they took their revenge on the monsters by scythe and sword. When the fire started to spread, the mob only pressed closer, as if to catch their prey with their last breaths and set them alight. Herobrine grabbed Steve’s arm and blinked them both beyond the wall. Outside the last creepers exploded like fireworks. They staggered inside and Herobrine shut the door.   
Wordlessly they grabbed each other in a hug.   
Steve asked, “Are you okay?”  
“Yeah, hardly any of this blood is mine. A quick hot dip and I’ll be good.”   
Steve wrung his hands, “that was bad. I was afraid this would happen. They saw you weak and now they’re after both of us again. Fuck! I was actually getting used to mining without being almost killed all the time.”   
There was a banging on the door that made them both jump. Steve looked shaken and the god grabbed him. “Relax, it’s daytime, it can’t be zombies, it not rhythmic enough anyway.”   
Suddenly Alex burst through the door and looked around wildly.   
“What are you…?”  
“Here! Take this, it’s yours.” The woman started throwing random things from her inventory at Steve. He stood there confused as gems and food and metal bounced up into his virtual pockets.   
“Where…?”  
She grabbed his shoulders, “I took it from your house before the villagers burned it.” Steve’s mouth fell open, “they did what!?”   
“I came to warn you, they’re headed this way. Just promise me you guys will run.”   
“Already on it!” Herobrine was off like a shot, breaking chests and scooping up all his best items. He took up three buckets of lava and grabbed Steve who was still babbling.   
“I can’t believe they burned my house…”  
“We’ll build you a better one,” Herobrine retorted, “hell we’ll come back and slaughter them if you want, but right now we should go. I don’t want to be in the open when it gets dark again.”   
Alex pecked Steve on the cheek and gave the griefer a brief hug. “I’ve got too many pets to run and they don’t know I’ve helped you. I hope you understand.”   
“No, it’s fine.” Herobrine told her, “We all have responsibilities.” He flipped through his items, “take this and go home. Pretend none of this happened.” He passed her a pair of Ender pearls and she nodded gratefully before disappearing out the back door.   
Steve grabbed the blanket off the bed and the two of them ran down the yard to collect Karen. He threw the fabric over her and helped Herobrine belt her to his own back with a pig saddle. The god gestured upward and the two shared a look rich with meaning. Holding Steve’s hand, Herobrine teleported them all to the roof of the tower.   
He passed an Ender pearl to Steve, and clasped his free hand tightly, “throw it all the way to the horizon.”  
And with that, they were gone.


	15. Down the Cold Dirt Road

The sheer distance of the teleport left Steve feeling nauseated and down by two hearts. They blinked back into existence in a clearing, surrounded by immense pine trees covered in snow. Herobrine looked around and swore venomously. His teeth were chattering and he was already starting to shake from the chill. Karen was wiggling around on his back and he unclipped the belt to let her down. She rolled on the ground and untangled herself from the bedspread that covered her. Immediately the creeper began to smoke from the light. With trembling hands Herobrine ripped the helmet from Steve’s head and plunked it down on the creepers head. The smoke instantly stopped and Steve turned his attention to the rapidly freezing griefer who was trying to use the blanket to roll himself into a cocoon. He waffled for a minute, scrolling quickly through the many items in his inventory for something that would help. Alex had thrown him a lot of things and he realized belatedly that most of the summoner pyramid was on his person.   
“Just hold on Herobrine, I have an idea!” Quickly he banged together a crafting table and broke the gold blocks into ingots. Then the ingots went back on the table in the patterns for a suit of armor. Hurriedly he helped the shivering god struggle into it. Steve buckled up his straps and checked them for fit.   
Herobrine shifted, getting used to the extra weight. “Thank you for that, I’m still cold but at least I can function until we get out of this terrible place.”  
Steve patted his arm, “I know it’s not much for battle protection, but I knew the padding would give you an extra layer of clothing. Good thing Alex brought me most of the pyramid, huh?”   
The griefer looked down at the glittering suit. “Steve… You just made me armor out of the same metal you used to summon me?” He was silent and overwhelmed for a moment before seizing the adventurer in a hug. Karen saw the two embracing and decided to join them by pushing herself up under their arms.   
“Damn creepers have no sense of personal space.” With that Herobrine wrapped his arms around the monster and put his cold hands under her sweater. He sighed, “Well at least she’s warm enough. Though I think we should kill some cows and make a leather hat for her, I doubt she needs that diamond helm more then you do. I think it’s just a matter of keeping the sun off most of her skin.”  
“You’re right, but I think we should do it on the fly.” Steve replied, “I don’t want to be out here when it gets dark.” He looked at the crafting table. “I hate to do it, but I’ll have to leave this one. I don’t have any slots to carry it.”  
Herobrine looked around, “then break it down and let it despawn. I don’t want to leave any signs that we came this way. I’m really hoping no one was in a good position to see where that pearl arced down to either.”  
“Right.”   
The two walked in silence for a while, even their thoughts seemed muffled by the snow. As it neared sundown they reached the vertical face of a cliff too wide to go around before dark. Steve laid a crude staircase and the pair carried the creeper up the sheer face of the cliff to a ledge. The sun was sliding down quickly as Herobrine punched a room out of the solid stone. Steve removed the stairs and the griefer put down torches and closed the entrance behind them with dirt. He put down two extra blocks of dirt for Karen to chew on and turned to his uneasy companion.   
Steve rubbed his arms, “I hate doing things this way, I feel like I’m in a tomb.”   
“I’m here, does that help at all?”   
The miner smiled slightly, “I’m in a tomb with a supernatural griefer who glows,” he amended.   
Herobrine blinked in confusion. “Is there some part of me that’s lit up besides my eyes? Because that means I’m glitching unintentionally and that’s not a good thing.”  
The human chuckled, “no, but your eyes cause a nice sparkle where they reflect on your armor.” He ran a calloused hand down Herobrine’s cheek, the light from his eyes dancing across the diamond on Steve’s finger. “Gold is a good color for you.”  
The two interlaced their fingers, just leaning against one another out of mental and physical exhaustion. Herobrine whispered, “Please tell me you brought the rest of the bed.”   
“Actually, I didn’t. But I can make one with what I have, though we’ll have to leave it and another crafting table behind if I do so.”  
The griefer’s expression was pained, he hated wasting resources. “Just do it, we need to reset our spawn point anyway.”  
“I’m on it.” Steve set to work throwing together another table and made a bed from some colored wool and wood he was carrying.   
“I feel gross,” Herobrine grumbled. “I’m still caked with zombie blood and gunk from the mobs. But it’s so damn cold I don’t want to get undressed to clean up.”   
“Pff, how do you think I feel? I’ve got blood, guts, cum and your dragon spittle all over me.”   
The griefer colored for a moment, reliving the feel of Steve’s privates in his mouth and the squeeze of protesting organs around a sinuous tongue. He licked his lips involuntarily and felt his pants tighten. The god shook the thoughts away; this was neither the time nor the place.   
The human zeroed in on his silence, “what are you thinking about? Your face is awfully red all of a sudden.”   
He sighed; there was really no point in lying to his lover. “I was thinking about what we did and I’m kinda glad you don’t want me to do it again. I don’t like being dragon-shaped. But it was a nice experience to put most of you in my mouth and work you over all at once.”   
Steve shivered with raw emotions. “You absolutely skewered me and my brain was screaming that you were going to eat me throughout most of it. I think I came out of blind terror several times.”   
“You know I would never do that. I still feel a little bad for how I treated you the first time we met.”  
“Well,” the miner shuffled his feet, “I feel terrible for beating you up when you promised not to fight back. It makes me just as bad as the monsters who tortured you while you were helpless.”  
Herobrine embraced the guilt-stricken man. “No, Steve, don’t give that another thought. It was a beating I richly deserved and everything worked out for the best anyway.”   
The miner’s gaze flicked around the room and Herobrine turned his gaze back to meet the starry eyes with a hand on the angle of his chin. “You know as well as I do that we could both use a do-over. We have each-other and I feel like nothing else matters now.”   
Steve pulled Herobrine gently and they both sat on the bed, curled together and growing warmer. Karen rolled up on the floor and made quiet ‘sss sss sss’ noises as she snored lightly. The human felt his mind wandering as his eyes took in the sight of his disheveled lover. Herobrine had a kind of animal charm that Steve felt he himself was lacking in. The griefer moved and spoke as if every suggestion was an offer of forbidden fruit. The god radiated sex and debauchery almost as much as menace and horror. He found himself straying back to the feeling of being so under Herobrine’s control and marked by the griefer’s fluids. The miner was actually horrified by how much the thought turned him on. Suddenly he realized Herobrine had been patiently reading his thoughts and was now smiling wickedly.   
“I understand now,” the god said pleasantly. I couldn’t put it into words before because I think even you didn’t know what you wanted. But it’s clear as glass now. You love me because I’m a mess. In this precise, clean world, my chaos turns you on. You always make a point of complaining, but you actually want me to douse you in spittle and slime.”  
Herobrine’s terrifying smile filled most of his face and Steve’s crimson cheeks were only making it wider. He squeezed the miner harder, “I knew it!” the god triumphantly crowed. “We are so much alike I don’t even have words to express it.”   
Steve looked massively ashamed, “I wish you wouldn’t make such a big deal out of exposing my weakness.”  
The griefer blinked, “What weakness Steve? This is a rough world we live in and there’s no reward or room for squeamishness. Who cares if you get off on it? I’ve no right to judge you. What’s my beloved lava except a bunch of hot muck that gets everywhere and makes a terrible mess? You’d have to dig a long time to get lower then I’ve been most of my life.”  
“I’m not sure about this…”  
“Fine, be unsure. We’ll explore as far as you’re comfortable and recalibrate from there. We’re going to have to rebuild our lives anyway, let’s do it together.” Steve smiled and Herobrine kissed his lovers scratchy cheek. The god gave him a sultry look that literally smoldered. “Come on Steve, wallow in the muck with the god of griefers for a while. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.”   
“You’re a terrible influence Herobrine.”   
“I can’t help it. I was coded this way.”   
“What are you intending to do to me?” Steve asked.   
“For the moment; not much. We’ve both had a very hard couple of days. But I would like to have your nether parts in my mouth for a while.”  
Steve felt a little sweat break out despite the cold. “Are you sure about that? I’m probably pretty nasty down there.”  
Herobrine quirked an eyebrow at him, “I had my tongue up inside your ass, do you really think I care about that? Here’s a hint.” Methodically he began to undo his lover’s armored pants.   
Steve squirmed like a teenager and Herobrine hesitated. “Tell me to stop and I will. No questions or consequences. Just don’t lie, because I can see right through it.”  
“I can’t say it. It’s too hard.”  
“Aww,” the griefer seemed to spool himself around the human like a snake. “But it’s so obvious. Say it here and now, in this dirty, dark room where no one will hear you. Tell me you want my filth and excess, my broken pixels and glitchy body. Tell me you want me to lap the sweat and dry blood from your skin and suckle on your cock like I needed it to live.”  
“I…”   
“And I want nothing in return; I’ll roll in the mud with you and leave you stainless. I love you so much.” Herobrine peeled away Steve’s pants and took hold of his rectangular rod.   
“Please…”  
Herobrine let a dribble of spit fall from his lips onto the square top of Steve’s piston. The human shivered, his eyes squeezed shut. It was everything in him to not buck upward for more. The god opened his mouth over the rapidly swelling organ. “Just tell me to stop…” He whispered.   
Steve put shaking hands under Herobrine’s helmet, lifting it so he could grab the griefer’s messy hair underneath. In his mind he visualized the god sucking him off, how good it would feel to have the other man swallowing around him as he poured himself out into waiting lips.   
“Ah. Someday you’ll be able to tell me with words, my shy lamb.”   
And then the human was crying out as the griefer went down upon him. Herobrine sucked and licked, fondling what he could and driving his other hand up under clothes and armor to smear the patches of blood and sweat on his lover’s skin. The god panted in his excitement, feeling his own body aching with need. He cringed, closing his own legs in an attempt to quell his desires. Steve saw his distress and gave him a questioning look. Herobrine could feel his composure slipping. He’d done his best to turn the anxious miner on and was now feeling the effects turned back on himself. The want was so strong it was almost painful.   
He pulled back, “I know I’m hot inside, I’ll try to make this quick. Please forgive me.”  
Before Steve had time to process this enigmatic remark, Herobrine had already shed his pants. The griefer drooled on his hand and opened himself roughly. He straddled the surprised adventurer and slid himself down onto Steve’s dick. It was painful and Herobrine felt like something might have torn inside, but he wanted it too badly to care. He had only moments before the unnatural heat of his innards started to harm his lover. The griefer rode Steve madly, slamming their hips with bright flashes. His eyes blazed like twin suns, too luminous to even look at directly. “Just cum in me, quickly before I start to burn you.”   
With that Steve joined him, taking no small amount of pleasure in seeing Herobrine’s face as he jammed himself down again and again. The growing heat between them spurred the human to concentrate harder. To let the delicious sight of the god taking his cock fill his minds eye with lust.   
Herobrine cried out piteously. His innards were twisting and throbbing around the spear within him. He seemed to fall slowly, like a tower collapsing. Clenching himself to wring the liquid from his double as he was wracked with a succession of small orgasms. With a tormented groan he spilled his own hot seed on the glittering face of Steve’s chest plate.   
The intensity of Herobrine’s climax drove Steve over the edge with him, and he grabbed the griefer’s hips to force himself in to the hilt as he came. The god wailed as he was pierced and fell down onto his hands, with his face pressed against Steve’s cold armor.   
The human pulled his iron quickly out of the fire in his lovers gut. Herobrine was practically weeping, there was blood dribbling down his leg, but he was too relieved to care. The glowing apparition felt like he’d released all the stress of the past few days in a single moment. He hung his head in shame. “I wasn’t going to ask for anything, I’m sorry if I hurt you.” The griefer wheezed, still trying to catch his breath. He leaned down and quickly licked up every speck of his semen from the shimmering blue surface, swallowing it morosely before Steve could stop him.  
The human pulled him down into a hug. “Why do you torment yourself like that?” Steve asked softly. “I may have some difficulty saying what my heart desires, but it doesn’t mean I’d deny you basic comforts. You give of yourself sexually with no hope of reciprocation when that’s exactly what you deserve. In this one way, you’re the most generous person I’ve ever met. And I’m a fool for neglecting you.” Steve suddenly had a sinking realization. “Oh Gods… The last time I touched you was weeks ago and I was bombed out of my skull. For all I know; you did all the work…”   
Herobrine said nothing, but he did cling slightly tighter to Steve. The human smacked his own forehead. “I’m such an ass!”   
“Still better then I deserve.” The god said softly.   
The miners reply was firm, “no. You deserve better. And I’m going to give it to you. But for now, let’s sleep. Please.”   
Steve didn’t feel like the griefer was inclined to let go of him or put his pants back on, so he groped awkwardly with his free hand for the blanket that was bunched up on the corner of the bed. He flipped it up and covered Herobrine’s naked legs with it. The other man curled himself tighter, heedless of the hard diamond armor he was draped across. And after a while, both of them fell asleep.


	16. Secluded Valley

At dawn Steve woke up in his usual way, but found himself lying alone on the thoroughly defiled bed. He noted with alarm that Karen was also gone. He looked around the tiny dirt room wildly and then noticed a shadow on the far wall. He pushed himself out of bed, testing his balance and aching joints after sleeping in his heavy diamond armor.   
The shadow was a dark doorway just one by two blocks. He could hear the faint ‘tic tic tic’ of a pickaxe and made his way gingerly down the pitch black corridor. “Herobrine? Are you back here?” Something was blocking a faint light in the distance and he accidentally walked into it. Karen rubbed herself eagerly against the human and then trotted back the way she’d come. Shaking his head, Steve followed her quietly. The light got brighter and he called out again, “Herobrine? Are you mining? I hear a pickaxe.”   
A pair of white oblongs opened in a narrow alcove and a hand reached out for Steve. He leaped in terror. The griefer chuckled, “sorry, I couldn’t resist. You make such adorable faces when I startle you.”   
Steve shook his head in mock annoyance. “You’re terrible. What are you doing anyway? And why are you doing it in the dark?”  
Herobrine pointed at his face, “I don’t need the torches, remember? I can see just fine. Besides, I don’t see any point in wasting them in a tunnel I won’t be using ever again. And I can’t keep any ores I find because I don’t have any room left to carry it. I was going to come find you once I break out of this hill.”  
“Sounds like a decent plan, I guess it’s just as good to be cold underground as above it, and we can travel unseen this way. Would you like some help?”   
Herobrine gestured graciously for Steve to lead the way, and he followed along behind with the creeper in tow.   
There was a squeak out of the darkness and the adventurer ducked suddenly, flailing forward with his pickaxe. Quick as an Enderman; Herobrine darted to the side and grabbed the tiny creature out of the air. The bat squeaked and squirmed in the griefers hands.   
Steve grumbled and kept walking. He heard Herobrine speaking softly to the bat; “who’s a naughty little amateur griefer who scared my Steve? You are!”   
After what felt like hours of straight digging; the pair finally emerged into daylight. Herobrine released the bat in the opening and watched it fly into the daylight, thoroughly disoriented. “Yeah, I feel you there little guy.” The god muttered.   
Steve looked down, the ground was still far away at the bottom of a deep hill and all around them were soaring walls of stone. In the tiny clearing there was only room for a single tree and a small pool of water fed by a spring high on the wall. “I say we block the tunnel, take a break and then start chipping into one of these walls going the same direction.”   
But Herobrine was already away; he carried the creeper with gusto down the crude natural staircase of dirt blocks along the wall and set her in the grass. The miner blocked the tunnel with dirt and followed him down.   
The griefers smile was broad and genuine; he offered a hand to his double and practically dragged him to the pond. “You should strip off,” he said eagerly. “I know how to make this nice for both of us.”   
The miner watched the god as he pulled up two dirt blocks at the edge of the water and made a dry hole with some cobblestones. He flipped though his items and emptied two of his precious lava buckets into the hole. Herobrine dusted his hands and started pulling off his own armor and setting it aside.   
Steve was down to nothing and he put a toe in the pond near where the lava was sequestered. Uttering a grateful groan he slipped into the pool. With the hot cobbles touching two of the water blocks, it was as warm as bathwater. Steve floated lazily and watched Herobrine. The griefer stripped off his filthy clothes and washed them first, then threw them over a rock to dry. He knelt by the tiny glowing pool and put his hands in the gooey lava as if testing its temperature. Judging by his face, it was just right. He let himself slip down and dunked his body to remove all the little scratches and traces of filth from the past days. The griefer propped his elbows on the hot cobbles and leaned forward with a deep sigh. Steve swam up to him and regarded his tranquil expression.   
“I never thought I’d see anyone so blissfully content to be sitting in a pool of molten stone.”   
“I guess I’m not just anyone.”  
Steve kissed him lightly, “isn’t that the truth. Are you hungry?”   
“Yes, actually, I’ve got at least a 20 stack of everything I was growing. What about you?”  
“I’ve got a cake, a whole bunch of pumpkin pies, and a lot of raw meat. Unless you want dessert, one of us will have to get out and make a furnace.”  
“I have a better idea, Steve. Let me have some meat.”  
Mystified, the human passed the griefer four raw steaks. Herobrine held one in his hand and slapped it on the surface of the lava. He counted to ten and flipped it over to get the other side. His expression was smug as he passed the now cooked meat back to Steve.   
“Have I told you lately how smart you are?”   
The god started cooking the next steak, “yeah, but it’s always nice to hear it from you.”   
“I meant what I said last night, Herobrine. If you need something I can give, just ask me.”  
Herobrine chewed the beef slowly. “I’ll let you know if I think of anything. For right now, though, I’m content. There’s something freeing about being a vagabond. I have you, everything else is negotiable.”   
Steve leaned farther over the hot cobbles to whisper in the griefer’s ear. “You know we could cap this valley with stone and stay here awhile.”   
The god poked the center of Steve’s face, “absolutely not. Ideally I want to find a swamp biome to settle in.”  
“Why?”  
The gods reply promised the most forbidden of pleasures, “that way we’ll never run out of slime balls.”  
As dusk approached; the pair dressed in their dried out clothing, Herobrine gathered up his lava, and they climbed the sheer opposite wall and tunneled into it. Steve filled in the entrance, “another night in the grave.”  
“Do you really want to sleep? I for one would rather dig all night. I want to get as far away as possible in case we’re still being followed.”  
The miner gestured at the wall, “shall I lead?”


	17. Lost Temple in the Sand

Herobrine looked at the wall of green leaves in front of him. “Well that’s not exactly what I had in mind, but it will do for now.” Steve jumped on a bed of leaf blocks that covered the grass. “I like it, nice and green, with lots of cocoa beans for cookies.”  
There was a hiss from above and Karen moved behind the griefer, peeking out of the hole over his shoulder. An ocelot was watching them warily from a tree; it darted away with a hiss at the creeper. “Oh shush, Karen,” Herobrine groused. “Cats are nice.”  
Steve giggled, “Ah, something you and Alex have in common.”  
The god looked slightly disgusted, “why, are you a dog person?”  
“Nope. I like all kinds of animals, especially if they’re quiet. Dogs and cats are both too loud for me. But my lifestyle has always been too dangerous for pets anyway. I’d feel bad if something happened to a critter I was responsible for. I’m really glad you keep carrying Karen down slopes, it’s not like she can catch herself if she falls.”  
“Well if she lands on her head she’ll be okay since she’s still wearing your helmet.”  
“Yeah, I’m kinda missing that, I hope we find some cows soon so I can get it back.”  
The griefer looked up the trunk of a massive tree. “I’m going to climb the vines and have a look around, you stay here.”  
“Gotcha.”  
Herobrine found himself lost in thought as he slowly ascended the massive trunk. He wondered if they were still being followed, and if they’d covered their tracks well enough. He hoped that Alex was safe, and he wondered if the irate Testificates had burned his tower like they did Steve’s house. It was still early morning and the sun was at his back as he looked out across the land spread below. Behind them were the vast rock hills they had tunneled through, and the tops of the pine trees in the snow biome. He strained his vision both mechanical and psychic and looked down into the forest. There were lights in the woods, just visible in the shadows of the trees, torches passing back and forth. His hearts lodged in his throat, they were searching for him.  
He slid down the tree and lifted Steve bodily from the leaves, setting him upright. “Hey, what gives?”  
“We have to go, now.”  
Steve’s face turned pale. “Are they still looking for us?”  
“There are lights in the pine forest, coming this way.”  
Herobrine strapped Karen to his back with the pig saddle and pulled out two bottles of pale fluid. “I was saving these for an emergency and I think this qualifies; drink.”  
Steve chugged the fluid and felt the familiar tingle of a level three speed potion race through his veins. He offered his hand to the god, “Let’s go.”  
It took the better part of a day to pick and run through the thick jungle brush, and around sunset they reached a beach with no land visible across the water. Out of good options, they built three little boats and set out on the water as the moon was rising.  
Steve looked up at the stars wheeling overhead as he paddled. “It’s nice to be able to look at the night sky without being afraid of something striking me from the dark.”  
“Yeah, thankfully monsters can’t spawn in the middle of the ocean. I hope we find some land soon, my arms are tired, and I can tell Karen is hungry. She’s making that face.”  
“But she always looks like that.”  
“Trust me, I can tell. It’s like the usual, but more so.”  
The sun rose and set twice before the wanderers found land again. At first it was just a few pinnacles of raw earth rising out of the deep water, and then a beach chunk loaded in. They broke their boats against the shore and Steve collapsed in the sand; sighing in relief. Karen wandered around until she found a patch of grass to do a happy dance on. Herobrine thumped down on a block of sandstone, and stretched, his golden armor gleaming in the hot desert sun.  
“I know this is a terrible climate to build a house in, but it certainly feels nice.”  
“Are you absolutely sure you aren’t part reptile? I’m happy as hell to finally be back on dry land, but I am baking in this armor.”  
“Take it off.”  
“I can’t,” Steve complained. “I don’t have any free slots to carry it apart from wearing it.”  
“Well we could eat your cake, and then you can take off whatever piece is making you the most overheated.”  
Steve levered himself awkwardly off the ground. “I can’t argue with that logic, and it’s not like we don’t have other food.” He placed the cake on a rock and shucked off his diamond chestplate to put it away. “Now is as good a time to celebrate as any. I don’t want to stop moving just yet, but I think we’re a lot closer to making a clean getaway then we were.”  
Herobrine took a big bite, licking crumbs from his lips. He sidled up to Steve, pointing a finger at his face, “you missed a bit of icing right there.”  
“Where?”  
The griefer kissed his cheek, “right there.”  
When they’d had their fill they set out across the sand. Over the first rise, Herobrine caught a glimpse of something that looked artificial. And they set out for the squat, sandstone structure.  
It was nearing dusk when they reached the tiny ruin. It was a small temple rising out of the sand, just a central room and some thick pillars. The two men blocked the entrances with more sand and lit up the middle chamber. Outside a storm was picking up, and they heard the sound of zombies and skeletons fighting their way through the blowing sand.  
“Maybe we should dig down a little to put some distance between us and the outer walls,” Steve suggested. “I don’t want to sleep here; anyway, it doesn’t feel safe.”  
The griefer nodded his assent and they picked a hollow into the floor. About three blocks down, Steve found an opening; a crude staircase leading ever lower in a spiral. Herobrine gently pushed him aside, and let the light in his eyes lead the way, as they carried their respective torches into the cellar.  
The stairs tapered off into a tiny room with drawings on the walls. Herobrine stared around in awe. He laid torches on the floor so Steve could see it too. “Wow,” the miner breathed. In the center of the room was a trunk made of some deep black wood. He headed straight for it, but Herobrine caught him and held him back. “Let me do it, I can take more damage then you if it’s a trap.”  
Steve swallowed nervously, but let the god go ahead of him. “Please, be careful.”  
The griefer was familiar with the old ‘free diamonds' trap and checked the floor, the ceiling and all around the colorful walls before touching the chest. He stood as far away as possible and opened it with a squeak. Nothing happened and Steve breathed a sigh of relief, “what’s in it?”  
The griefer was reaching with shaking hands into the chest. He pulled out the most elaborate helm Steve had ever seen. It was the color of Nether brick and had diamond chips on the top, and the back was swept up at either corner as if in tattered wings. He put a hand on Herobrine’s shoulder, the griefer looked so overwhelmed Steve was afraid he was about to start crying. He held the helmet to his chest and just shook silently.  
Steve was growing increasingly agitated, “what is it? Are you okay?”  
“It’s mine.” He whispered, his eyes blazing with emotion. “Look around you Steve.”  
Confused, the miner did as he was bid, studying the drawings on the walls. Some appeared to show monsters, castles, the Nether and even a drawing of the Ender dragon hovering over a series of pillars. But one in particular caught his eye; it was a solitary figure in red armor standing on a pyramid of skulls. There were tiny slashes of blue paint between the plates of his armor and the eyes in the helm were uniformly white. Steve gasped, “but this place looks ancient, how is this possible?”  
Herobrine took off the gold helm reverently and placed the red one on his head. It fit as if made for him, and he turned his glowing visage to his lover. “I don’t know, I don’t remember any of this. I just know that this; is mine.”  
“Do you feel okay? I hope it’s not cursed or something.”  
Herobrine laughed, “No, its Nether brick. It’s not even glitched. I just feel it… belonged to me, or it was made for me. I don’t know. But there’s something else in here that might interest you.” He lifted out a monstrous skull and passed it to Steve.  
The miner examined the bony contraption before trying it on his head. The teeth hung down over his forehead and the knobby back of the head protected his own. “I like it; it’s almost as scary as yours. Is there anything else in there?”  
Herobrine fished out a jumble of bones, “looks like yours has a chest-plate to match.”  
Steve laughed; he pulled the ribcage arrangement on over his shirt. “I look like a bad ass monster, that’s awesome.”  
Herobrine blew out a little huff of air, “unfortunately it means it’s also time for my least favorite game; the inventory shuffle.”  
In the end, they put Herobrine’s gold helm on Karen, and threw away his wheat seeds so he could carry Steve’s diamond helm for him. Steve was determined to take the trunk as well, so he chose to give one of his roast chicken-ducks to the griefer to eat and finished the other on his own to make space. At dawn they cleaned up the sand in the entrances and closed the path to the cellar with sandstone. With all traces of their presence erased, the unlikely trio set out across the burning desert towards a distant range of rolling hills.


	18. First Communion

Steve sat with his head in his hands and stared at the floor. "I hate this."   
Herobrine didn't even look up. "So you keep saying. Your mind is like a broken record tonight."   
"I'm just restless."  
"Since when are you spoiling for a fight with the mobs? I thought we agreed there was no point since neither of us has room to carry any more loot?"   
"Yeah, but still..." Steve's face was bordering on a pout. "I guess it's just the new equipment, I'm dying to see how it fares in a fight." He stroked the monstrous skull helmet with one hand. "It's galling to look this cool and hide in a little dirt box night after night while the damn monsters roam wherever they want." He patted the irate creeper, "no offense Karen."  
"Sss, tis!"  
The griefer sighed, "I guess we need to start seriously looking for somewhere we can make a new home base. I propose we look for a large outcrop and build a house inside of it. Then we can have plenty of space without standing out from the natural landscape."  
Steve looked skeptical. "Do you think they're still on our trail, even after we crossed the sea?"  
"I... don't know. But I want to make sure that if they do show up, we're ready for them. I wasn't willing to fight for a little tower I built all on my lonesome. But I will fight for something we made together. And I'll gladly hide if that's what it takes to keep us both safe. But I think none of that solves the more immediate problem."   
"And that would be?"   
Herobrine's eyes seemed to glow brighter; he leaned forward and crept towards Steve on all fours, swaying like an ocelot. "The question of what I'm going to do with my restless little lamb," he practically purred. "I'd say you could fight with me, but you wouldn't get very far."  
Steve smirked, "yeah, because you cheat. You do that weird thing where you increase your weight. What is that anyway?"  
Herobrine stopped and curled himself up next to Steve. "It's a calculation error, a type of glitch. Sometimes I know things I shouldn’t; like how many blocks there are in the world, or how many I’ve killed of a certain mob. In this case it’s heaviness I’m aware of. I add a tiny percentage of the weight of all the stones in the nether to my own. The world is made of codes under codes and I can see them. I call it Brineairy. Depths and heights, one and zero-"  
"-You and me." Steve finished.  
He nodded in assent. "If you want to think of it that way; two opposing forces, equal but different."  
Steve turned to the griefer and lowered his head like a bull, "powers striving against one another, forever vying for control."   
The god grinned; he could see where this was going. He gave Steve the courtesy of a warning wink before he pounced on his mate.   
The two rolled on the floor in the small space, and Karen moved closer to the wall to avoid their antics. Herobrine came up on top and pinned Steve to the floor with just his normal bulk. The menacing horned helmet clashed with the happy smile on his face. "Maybe I should just make you beg, make you bow for me. You'd probably like that. Am I your god, Steve?"  
The miner grinned right back, "a god of sex to be sure, and the best I've ever had."  
"Says the virgin who sacrificed himself."   
Steve pretended to swoon, "you wound me o lord." He ran his hands slowly up the god’s hips. "You should let me show you how dedicated I am."  
Herobrine quirked an eyebrow, and moved so Steve could get out from under him. The griefer sat on his knees and waited to see what the human would do. He could tell Steve was acting for his benefit, but even a mock show of subservience was pleasing to him. It still meant his lover cared enough to try.   
Steve crawled to him on hands and knees, his head low. He directed the thought without vocalizing it, 'you should take off your pants and shoes, but nothing else.'  
"You're getting better at that, my lamb", Herobrine shed the lower part of his gear, and sat back against the wall. The miner set the bony helm aside so his lover would have a decent view of what he was doing. Steve lifted the square pad of the god's right foot to his lips and mouthed along the edges. He kissed the corners meekly. Herobrine twitched and the miner smiled to learn he was ticklish. Working his way up the griefers square calves; he lovingly licked his doubles skin. Bathing him with long slow strokes and making his way upward. By the time he reached the tender flesh in the angle betwixt leg and rear; the god was already hard and murmuring his approval. Steve massaged the cubical balls before him with deft fingers and lifted them to reveal the tiny pixel of a hole beneath. He lapped over it again and again, feeling his god come undone above him. The miner paused to wet his fingers and wrapped a hand around the square rod of his double. Herobrine felt like he was melting under such tender attention. The human was stroking the god's cock with long pulls while he worked the griefer open with the insistent swirls of his tongue. When it felt sufficiently slick, Steve switched to using his fingers, pressing first one, then two into the body of his lover. Herobrine felt himself sliding downwards, his form aching to be impaled on the thick digits of his love. The miner sat up a little and guided the griefer’s rod into his mouth. Herobrine was sweaty, but he didn't care. He lapped and sucked and listened to the passionate sounds his mate voiced. He added another finger and Herobrine let out a tiny cry as he helped the human open him further. "One more," The griefer managed to say. His fingers pressed in a solid block of four, Steve forced them into the willing griefer even as he suckled eagerly on the gods cock. He pressed upward, as the god had done to him, and was rewarded with a wail of ecstasy from the shivering apparition. Those glowing eyes blazed as they watched their supplicant both violate and worship them. Herobrine bucked into Steve's mouth, making him gag slightly on his girth. He made a choking sound for effect and felt the griefer shudder pleasantly in response. The man pushed himself to take the entire length even though it was difficult to swallow. Herobrine was writhing now, unable to keep his composure or figure out where to put his hands. Square fingers roamed all over the parts of Steve he could reach, stroking, kneading and petting his love like a beast. Words were impossible with such a mouthful, so Steve focused his thoughts. 'For you, I give what I am, you are my everything.' And Herobrine was glad his helm obscured his cheeks; because then his lover could not see the tears that escaped as he poured himself into his acolytes waiting mouth.   
Steve made a point to swallow and then sprinkled his gods cock with tiny kisses. He crawled up onto Herobrine and lay down, their flat chest-plates lying as flush as a pair of stone blocks. The griefer reached out, kissing him passionately; heedless of tasting himself on the human’s lips. Steve noticed his eyes were wet from a blur around their light.   
"Hey, don't cry. What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"   
Herobrine shook his head, unable to express himself properly; he slipped off the monstrous helm and butted Steve lightly with his forehead. "I'm not crying, you're crying. Silly lamb." He sniffled. "How did you do this to me? I have to know. I am laid low by you, so overwhelmed by your love and devotion. You debase yourself for me but I am the one that's made weak. I would crawl across frozen gravel for you, Steve. I've never cared for anyone else and never been cared for, and you... You make me feel like everything up until this point has been so empty."  
Steve looked around conspiratorially, "I'll tell you the secret, but you mustn't breathe a word to anyone."  
Puzzled, the god listened with rapt attention.   
His smile was small and just a bit sad. "The secret is that I felt the same way. We're two irregular blocks that fit for no understandable reason. Love is like that, it's crazy, silly nonsense that makes you feel like you can fly. But those are just inadequate words, and I'm not as well-spoken as you are. It's like you said; up and down. I'm the sky and you're the ocean, and between us is so much more then we can be alone."  
"You're a liar Steven, you're much better with words then you realize." He was quiet for a moment, "the sun is coming up, and we should be on our way.'   
Steve looked at him, his eyes were weary. "Where are we going Herobrine?"   
The griefer wrapped his arms around as much of his lover as the armor would allow, "we're going to find someplace we can call home." 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

The morning marked their third day of trudging through endless low hills and grasslands. It was rich county and both had gathered as much food, feathers and wool as their inventories would allow. Steve had fallen into a walking trance and didn't realize the ground had sloped sharply down until he stumbled into a hole. He rubbed his bruised limbs and swore. The griefer and the creeper looked down from three blocks up. Herobrine stuck out a hand and helped the miner up. "You okay?"   
"Yeah, I think I fell in a creeper hole."  
He surveyed the little pit, "maybe, maybe not. It could just as easily be a fireball pit. Though I hope no one would be dumb enough to summon a ghast into the over-world. Either way it means we may run into other people, or a rouge Testificate priest."   
"There might be witches,' Steve said nervously.”They summon things, right?"   
"Nah. they're more about making potions, this is the wrong terrain for that anyway. But it’s best to keep an eye out for anything unusual either way." As they walked, the holes increased in number. Steve looked around at the damage, "somebody really had a fight with something out here."  
"Yesss, I don't like it. Unless the creepers decided to gang up on a single player, then this was something that isn't natural to the over-world. Most of the holes are still raw dirt, so they were all made around the same time; recently."  
"Hey there's a house over there, well most of a house," Steve amended.   
Herobrine looked at the blasted cobblestone and singed wooden roof. Then at the seemingly quiet hills around them, "I want to take a look, but quickly. I think we should get away from here before whatever made those holes comes back. This was a decent sized house, but it obviously didn't protect the occupant well enough against whatever it was."  
Herobrine lifted Karen bodily and sprinted the distance to the house. Steve was fast on his heels. It was clear from the huge hole in the side that no one was home. Herobrine opened the single chest and ruffled through the contents. The griefer grabbed a journal with a quill and left the rest. He thumped the book, "maybe this will provide some answers; let’s go."   
They made their way up the hill on the other side, and Herobrine pressed the book to the front of his helm as he sprinted with Karen under the other arm. His eyes darted back and forth. Suddenly he spit a string of numbers that sounded like the vilest of curse words. He looked at Steve, "for the love of the world, RUN."   
From behind them came a horrible screech. A fireball slammed into the ground just behind their feet, projecting them forward. Herobrine grabbed at Steve and hop teleported them to the next hill. He pushed the miner down behind an outcrop. Steve was wheezing as he tried to catch his breath. "I didn't even see it, what is it?!"   
"Hang on..." the god pressed the book to his head again and there was a tense moment broken by the sound of explosions down the hill.”It's called a Wither, some kind of monster the author summoned..." He paused, and then looked at Steve in horror; his voice was only in the miner's head. 'It can sense humans.'   
Steve flipped through items and brandished his diamond sword. "Then we'll have to fight, or it will keep following us."


	19. Wither art thou?

Herobrine looked unhappy, but he understood. He patted the creeper. "You stay here sweetheart. We'll be back for you." He gave a determined nod and pulled out his scythe. "You don't glow when you look at things, take a peek and tell me where and what it is. I'll teleport based on what you see and try to do as much damage as possible."   
Steve peeked over the rock, and shivered in revulsion. "It's horrible, it looks like someone took the bits of several gigantic wither skeletons and put them together wrong. It's got three heads, a rib-cage and a spine, and it's just floating with sparks around it."   
Herobrine steeled himself, "I'm going. Do what you can, but protect yourself. It's been a long time since we slept. If you die, stay put wherever you spawn and I’ll come for you." And the griefer was gone with a blink. Steve snuck around the wall and looked for way to get down the hill without being seen.  
The Wither could sense something amiss in the mess that constituted its mind. It had been summoned from nothing by an arrogant tiny being it had easily destroyed, and now it was just a hovering mass; looking for living things to kill. Suddenly pain blossomed in its back and one of its heads was tumbling down. Herobrine blinked away before the massive beast could turn. With an angry screech it cut loose with a volley of floating skulls that spit fireballs everywhere. Herobrine's feet had no sooner touched the earth then it was blasted out from under him. He flipped his form backwards and dashed as soon as he was upright. The skulls were following him and he paused in his flight to break them with a double slice of his purple blade. The Wither turned to face him and he saw Steve barrel down the opposite hill with his sword gleaming. He ran forward and swung at the tail of the Wither, chopping off a bit of spine and two ribs. The miner hit it from the other side, stabbing at the Wither with his sword.   
The beast turned, setting loose two more skulls to chase Herobrine. It looked at creature that faced it, a weird amalgam that seemed to have a head below and one above. It was also wrapped in ribs like the wither itself. The monster's hesitation cost it as Herobrine slashed at its side head. Steve was forced to run as the floating skulls spit fire at his heels. He flailed at them with his sword and burst them on the blocky edge of the blade.   
The wither bucked like an angry horse as Herobrine clung to it's shoulder and beat it's remaining head with the diamond chipped back of his scythe. Cracks were spreading across the enormous skull but it was still fighting back. Steve was running then, his mind empty of everything except helping the frustrated griefer. The Wither was floating and flying rather quickly as it tried to dislodge the angry god that was latched onto it. It was too busy to notice Steve running up underneath it.   
A small blue cube flew across Herobrine's field of vision; it was trailing a thin line of pixels. The Wither stopped short so quickly it almost knocked the griefer off his perch. Steve was shouting at him in his mind, 'glitch break the head! I can't hold him long!'  
With one hand Herobrine hooked his scythe around the thick neck of the Wither, and using it as leverage; he punched the last skull with all the power he could muster. The thing exploded under his hand in a hail of pixels, and the force of the blast threw him hard against the ground. Herobrine felt the impact jolt his whole body as he landed directly on his head.   
He laid there dazed, hoping against hope he hadn't been knocked down and paralyzed again. Steve ran to him.   
"Oh, no! Can you move? Speak to me! Do I need to get you some lava?! Oh Gods! Please be okay! Herobrine!"  
The griefer worked himself upward and Steve placed a wool block behind him to lean on. He grinned, "That was exciting."  
The miner let out all his worries with a 'whoof' of air. "You scared me! I saw you land full force on your head, how did that not snap your neck?"  
The god knuckled the nether brick helmet. "It's this. It might even be unbreakable, because it not only took no damage; I still have three hearts beating. And you, my mad little lamb, did you seriously just restrict the movement of a ferocious monster with a yarn ball?"   
Steve was all smiles, "I also used that stump over there."  
He snorted. "Now who is the brilliant one?" The prone deity looked around Steve to get a better idea of the carnage they'd caused. "I think my hero should collect his prize, the beast seems to have dropped a jewel of some kind."   
Herobrine laid back and watched the clouds for a moment while Steve fetched the glittering bauble from the rubble. Karen shuffled up to the griefer and bumped her helmet against his own in friendly way. He pressed the book to his forehead again and closed his luminous eyes.   
The other man poked him gently, "why don't you just read it with your eyes?'   
"It's complicated, suffice to say; this is quicker. But what you have in your hands is called a Nether Star. It's for crafting beacons that weaken any hostile mobs near them."  
Steve looked unhappy, "does it have that effect when it's just a raw material?"  
"No."  
"Oh, good. I'd throw it away if I thought keeping it would hurt you."  
The griefer cocked his head, "you really would, wouldn't you? Even after what we just went through."   
The human offered his hands and helped his double stand up. "You know it. And I think we should start digging, because it's about to get really dark."   
"Damn."   
"Ssss."   
"Yeah, pretty much that."

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

That night they indulged themselves by making a bed and resetting their spawn point with it, and the morning saw them off again. By midday the pair found themselves walking along a stretch of beach overlooking a deep gulf of water. Herobrine noticed the color of it was changing as they walked and allowed himself a sliver of hope. As the sky shaded towards afternoon they found their first lily pad. Herobrine whooped with joy. "Finally, a swamp biome!"  
"Don't get excited,” Steve cautioned. “We don't know how extensive it is yet. It might just be some little islands on the tip of something else."   
Herobrine wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, "even a small swamp can have slime blocks."   
"Easy with that, we still don't have any inventory space, remember? I threw away my iron and flint just so I could take the Nether Star."   
But Herobrine didn’t answer; he was squinting at a chunk that had just loaded on the horizon. He pointed, “Can I get excited about that?”  
Steve followed his finger, and his eyes widened. “Yes. You can.”   
With a laugh Herobrine grabbed Karen, who hissed in alarm as the griefer glitch teleported ten blocks away. “Not fair!” Steve yelled, taking off after him.   
Up ahead was a curving cliff with a large outcrop standing free from it, the near side was all swamps with shallow pools of water and the far side seemed to be a normal forest biome. Beyond the swamp he could see glimpses of a sand island, or maybe a beach across a narrow sea. It was everything they’d been dreaming of and his heart soared in a way he’d hadn’t felt in a long time.   
When the miner reached the foot of the gigantic pillar of stone, the god was patiently waiting for him. His inclined his head, “I didn’t want you to lose sight of me entirely. Let’s get digging, it’ll be dark soon.”   
The two burrowed into the cliff and closed the wall behind them with dirt. Herobrine placed a redstone torch in the narrow corridor. Steve smirked, “marking your territory?”   
“Maybe I’ll do the same to you later.”  
“Promises, promises.”   
“Herobrine snorted with laughter, “naughty lamb. I think getting to the top and making a decent place to sleep should be our first priorities, I want to empty my inventory of all this food and loot and reset your spawn point as soon as possible.”   
“Well, if you’re going to cut the way, go gently. I want to keep the cobbles since I had to leave all my extra ones behind. You never know what we might need to build later.”   
The griefer nodded and set to work. The two cut their way forward and began to climb up inside the center of the mountain. Every few blocks they would open a short path away to mark where a floor would be later. It also gave Steve a place to get off the stairs if his mate found a caldera at the top of the mountain. The two mined all night and through most of the next day; placing chests on random floors to hold all the stone, dirt and gravel they extracted. Five different furnaces burned merrily; turning iron ore into ingots and sand into glass. Near the top Steve stowed their extra gear safely in the pretty black chest from the pyramid, and made a bed for later. Eventually they broke free of the earth; and climbed out onto the flat top of the mountain. The space wasn’t terribly large and it was bare except for some grass tufts and a small pool of water.   
Herobrine looked out over the land. There were swamps and forests, sheer cliffs, rolling hills and snowfields far in the distance. Storm clouds scudded over the plains and the setting sun cast the sky in vibrant oranges and reds. He put his arm around Steve and the two held one another in the fading light. “It’s a beautiful world,” the god mused.   
“I didn’t really appreciate it before I met you,” the miner replied. “Being in love makes everything new again.”   
Steve was silent for a long time, listening to the distant sound of the sea and thunder. “Come on,” the god said gently, “we should sleep.” 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *


	20. Cover the Dead

In the morning the two set about turning the rough tower into something nice to live in. Herobrine went down and outside just long enough to cut down a birch tree. He gathered some vines and a few buckets of water and then sealed the tunnel again. They were determined to make something that would be all but invisible from the outside and they used the vines to disguise some small windows near the top of the mountain. At the plateau they cut a sloping divot coming down from the outer edges. The center was crossed with arches of stone and the rest of the opening was filled in with glass.   
Herobrine whistled a merry tune as he laid down chunks of birch wood and placed coffee bean pods on the sides of them. Steve stood some distance away, planting pumpkins. The sight of the griefer in his menacing red helm cheerfully gardening made him chuckle inwardly.   
The god paused, “I heard that Steven. What about you in your bone helm and ribs? “  
“Yeah, I guess it is pretty funny.” The miner trotted over to him, “Do they really not need to be planted on a living tree?”   
“Nope,” Herobrine replied. “It’s like growing mushrooms on grass or mycelium blacks. They like the rot or the living bark equally well. Give me a day or two and we’ll have coffee with breakfast again and I won’t have to worry about running out anytime soon.”   
The human sighed, it was a nice thought. He couldn’t believe how much of a difference just having a home again made. They were still in the process of cutting spaces in the solid rock and would be for a while. But at least they had a decent bedroom and a place to begin building a library around the enchanting table. Steve glanced around at the garden under their dome, they’d planted everything they’d hauled across half a continent and laid blocks of water to keep it all fresh and green. He could literally feel the peace radiating off of Herobrine.   
“I love you too.” Herobrine remarked.   
“Aww, you’re so mushy now.” Steve poked the god gently, “you’re not getting soft on me are you?”   
Herobrine gave him a smarmy look, “I am armed, you know.”   
“It’s alright; I’m just playing with you. I’m going to go mine in the basement for awhile; it’s too hot up here in the sun.”   
“I know, I love it. But you do what you need too, and be careful.”   
“Always.” The miner tromped down the spiraling stairs, lost in thought. He made a stop to grab a table and some more pickaxes, torches, two buckets of water, [in case of lava], and mostly clear his inventory for what would probably be a great amount of cobbles and dirt. His steps echoed hollowly in the stairwell, and the torches threw his silhouette into monstrous shapes on the walls.   
It was quiet down in the dark and he picked along steadily leaving a trail of yellow lights behind him. It was never smart to live over ones mine, so he was mostly focused on cutting a large space at ground level that they could use as a barn later.   
It was his own absentmindedness that left a shadow for a skeleton to spawn. He didn’t notice it until it was already drawing the arrow back. The adventurer braced himself for a hit that would surely be too fast to dodge, but it never came. Confused, he lowered his sword.   
The skeleton watched him impassively. The creature swung its bow gently, not moving, but keeping the weird-looking human in sight. Knowing that one arrow would not be enough to kill him, Steve took a chance getting closer to the strangely oblivious mob. The creature just continued to watch him with its head cocked slightly up. The miner belatedly realized that the monster was looking at his helmet. Keeping his sword handy, he used his other hand to remove it from his head.   
The monsters eye sockets seemed to narrow, but it made no move to attack him.   
“Can you talk?” Steve ventured. “Can you understand me at all?”   
One shake for no and then a nod for yes and Steve was grinning ear to ear. He pointed at the helmet and ribs, “does this mean something special to you?”  
The skeleton seemed to have trouble making any complex movements, but it gestured to itself and then to Steve and then itself again.   
“Do you think I’m like you?” He mused, “I mean, I guess I am, if I had a hideous accident that stripped off all my flesh.” A wild thought occurred to him, “Does that mean… we could have a truce with your people?”   
The skeleton shook his head; ‘no.’ Steve’s blood was like ice as the monster suddenly advanced on him. In his panic he flipped to the wrong item and swatted at the skeleton with a block of wood. But it wasn’t necessary.   
The skeleton had stopped moving and put itself on one knee before him, with its head bowed. “You mean? SERIOUSLY?!”   
Steve’s head was spinning as he walked towards the blocked tunnel to the outside. The skeleton was following, which would have scared the Nether out of him in any other situation. He was at a loss as to what to do with it, so he had settled on just letting it out. Maybe it could spread the word and that would be one type of monster they wouldn’t have to fight anymore? He was hoping. Taking out a shovel, he cleared the way. But when the last block was removed; sunlight spilled into the hallway. The skeleton slid backwards, refusing to leave the shade of the cave.   
“Oh… fire bad, got it.” The miner tapped the edge of his chin. There was always the solution they’d come up with for Karen. Steve had taken to always carrying his kitting needles and some wool balls; secretly he was afraid the glitched items would despawn if they weren’t on someone or in their inventory. He juggled a rough cube of yellow string, and looked at the skeleton. Best to start with the quick one and see what kind of reaction he got. Being careful not to make any sudden moves, he put down the crafting table and made a hat from the leather in his possession. With shaking hands, he offered it to the monster.   
The skeleton stared at him impassively, and allowed a slightly frustrated Steve to put it on his head. It felt around on the thing the human had given it, but made no attempt to take it off. “You’re not much for conversation, are you?” Steve remarked.   
The miner pulled up a block and switched to his needles; he threw the wool ball on the floor and let it spool out over the cobbles. His tongue poked out slightly as he concentrated on the complex patterns required to make the pixels re-fuse. He noticed that the skeleton had moved closer and was now kneeling nearby. It seemed to be watching his hands with rapt attention.   
“Pretty cool, huh? Herobrine isn’t the only one that can mend pixels.” Suddenly the skeleton was right in his face; its jaw moved as if it were trying to say the name he’d accidentally spoken aloud.   
Mustering his courage, Steve put his hands on the skeletal figure and pushed it gently away from him. His tone was defensive, “Yeah, I said his name, I do that a lot.”   
‘Usually I’m screaming it,’ he thought to himself. He flicked away from the needles to empty his hands, but the wool string still disappeared into his shirt sleeve like the end of a fishing line. He indicated himself and the skeleton and mimed the monster bowing to him. Then his thumped his own chest and got down on one knee facing away, he lifted his hands in supplication. And then he rolled his eyes backwards to imitate the griefers blazing white stare.  
The skeleton seemed slightly unhappy, but nodded in understanding.   
“Good, now that we’ve got that straight. I won’t tolerate anyone laying a finger on Herobrine.” He sat back down on the stone and pulled out his kitting again, and the skeleton settled back down to watch him work.  
Steve had gotten a decent amount of practice making little things with the needles and his crafting ability had been high to start with, so the baggy sweater he brandished towards the skeleton was a rather nice item. He advanced on the kneeling creature and took a deep breath before slipping it over the bare skull. It was a hassle getting the skeletons bow through the armhole, but the creature patently refused to let go of it. The miner stood back to admire his work.  
It was a bit too big and hung below the creature’s waist, but the yellow color of the wool looked decent with its white bone and leather hat. Steve dusted his pants and made for the opening. It was only noon outside and the sun was baking the ground beyond the shadows. He nudged the skeleton towards the doorway, trying not to freak it out too much. The creature resisted him and he finally resorted to picking it up and putting it firmly into the sun. The human let go and stepped back, fully expecting to get an arrow in the head for his efforts. The skeleton turned to run back into the shadows and realized it wasn’t burning. It looked around in confusion and then back down at the garments Steve had given it. Cautiously it raised its free hand and lifted the hat off its head, the skull immediately began to smoke and it jammed the hat back down. It looked at the smiling miner and reached out a hand. Cautiously Steve took it, and the skeleton led him around the base of the pillar. It practically dragged him across the open area and to the base of the larger mountain. Reaching a small, natural opening; the skeleton released Steve and knocked its arms together. The sound was hollow and it echoed down the shaft.   
Steve skin crawled at the sound, but he did his best to look imposing and unafraid. In the darkness four other skeletons became visible; they drew their bows at the scent of a human and then lowered them again in confusion. One by one they dropped and made obeisance to the bone-clad warrior that their strangely dressed fellow had brought them. The be-sweatered skeleton indicated its garments and the sun overhead and went to the opening so the others could touch and see what he was wearing.   
Steve had a sneaking suspicion he was in over his head, but tried to push the feeling down before anyone noticed his nervousness. The skeleton was nudging him now, pulling his shirt and indicating his fellows. “If I do this…” Steve asked, “Will they also… um?” He waffled for a moment, unsure how to communicate what he wanted. Finally he settled on whiting his eyes again, he pointed to his face; “I serve the Herobrine, the god of chaos,” he said firmly. “I will give you cloth to protect you from the sun if you do the same.” There was chorus of bony clunks as the creatures nodded enthusiastically. With a sigh, Steve placed a dirt block and pulled out his needles again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Herobrine found a certain joy in cutting stone the normal way. It was quiet work and it calmed the rage that had once been so present in his heart. He chipped away a pocket two blocks deep near the wall and lined the bottom with cobbles, with a gesture he glitched the four-patch into bedrock. All the better to protect the floors below, should something go awry. He made another pocket in an L-shape around the hole, leaving a wall between the spaces. Balanced on the narrow span of cobbles he decanted first lava into the small pocket and then water into the larger one. He took a moment to wash his face with the molten stone. The griefer had never felt so happy and it was almost unsettling.   
He made his way into the central cavern where the stairs spiraled up to the garden on the surface. The floor was stone, but he laid down some colorful rugs and made a rough red couch out of wool blocks and wood. He sat down on the soft surface and pulled out the journal of the unlucky Wither summoner. It had some interesting code he was seriously considering trying. Vaguely he sensed the return of his lover, but it didn’t disturb his concentration.   
It was the unmistakable sound of marching feet that broke him from his pleasant reverie. Steve tromped up the stairs, his expression under the skull helm was grim, and Herobrine found himself swallowing nervously. The human stood before him and looked back. Herobrine’s hearts nearly stopped in icy fear as the skeletons filed up the stairs and formed a phalanx behind the man. Any other time he would have laughed, because each was wearing a leather helm and a solid colored sweater slightly too long for their lean torsos.  
Steve’s voice was firm and his hard tones doubled the horrible feeling of impending betrayal that was slowly poisoning the heart of his mate.   
“Herobrine. Do you remember when I promised you I would give you exactly what you deserved?”  
The griefer tried to swallow his breaking hearts. “I remember.”   
Steve gestured regally at the small mob behind him, and stepped aside. And before the god could rise to fight for his life; all the skeletons got down on their knees and bowed. Steve nodded his approval at the tiny horde and then joined them on his own knees.   
The hearts that had felt broken were swelling now; Herobrine could feel the want radiating from the monsters. The needed a leader, and while it was clear that they would have preferred Steve in his skeletal armor, they would accept the master of their master as the ultimate authority.   
Steve winked at him.   
Herobrine walked up and pulled him to his feet. The words came in from the mind so only Steve would hear them. ‘That was masterful griefing my lamb. You scared the Nether out of me.’   
The miner embraced his lover, ‘I would rather die forever then betray you.’ He kissed the god and Herobrine murmured, “Please, not in front of the minions.”   
Steve disengaged and motioned the skeletons to get up. “I can’t really communicate with them in a normal way, so I’ve just given them names according to the wool I used for their shirts. They seem to be okay with it.” The human indicated them each in turn, beginning with the first he had befriended. “This is Gold, Violet, Cyan, Tang, and Navy.”   
The god chuckled in wonder, “you are a deeply weird and beautiful human being, and I love you to pixels.”   
“-But their sweaters are ugly?” Steve finished.   
“No, actually I think you’re getting better. I was going to ask you what the mean look was for when you came in. Or was that just part of you trying to grief the master griefer?”  
“I wish that was all it was.” Steve answered sourly. He uncurled his hands from their resting fist positions. The man flexed them awkwardly. “That was a LOT of kitting. My fingers hurt.”  
“Aww,” Herobrine clasped his hands warmly and kissed each of his fingers in turn. “Then you sit down with our new friends while I make us some food. See if you can figure out if they need or want to eat.” 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *


	21. Don't Look a Dead Horse in the Mouth

For the first time in his memory, Herobrine was feeling some twinges of performance anxiety. Steve was seated on a dirt block nearby and all the skeletons were standing to either side of him, their arms swinging slightly as they watched him with impassive eyes. The only member of their household that seemed to not care about staring at the god was Karen. She was busy using her front feet to chew on the side of Steve’s dirt block/chair.   
He took a deep breath; hopefully the third time would be the charm. He focused himself on the codes, conjuring the white letters he needed in front of the blank wall before him.   
/summon EntityHorse ~ ~ ~ {Type:3. Tame:1}   
“Here goes nothing,” he growled; and banged the wall roughly as if he were activating the crafting table.   
There was the briefest of flashes and Herobrine got a sudden face-full of fetid hot breath. The massive creature snorted and trotted a few steps away. He looked back at Steve who was sitting with his mouth hanging open. There was a pause as the zombie horse explored the far end of the room, and the skeletons broke into a rough approximation of applause.   
The griefer wiped the sweat from his brow, “anybody got a saddle?” 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

“Should I be worried about the fact that your hands are over my eyes?”  
“Not right this moment,” Herobrine quipped. “Today I have a nice surprise for you.” The god walked the miner gently down the hall and into the large space at the bottom of their mountain tower. As they entered the space he removed his hands from the humans face. “Ta-dah!”   
“Whoah!”   
Herobrine grabbed the bridle of most of a horse and led the undead creature towards his thoroughly surprised lover. He petted the skeletal animal’s long skull. “She even matches your armor,” he said with a grin. “Besides,” he gestured to his own zombie steed. “Hellion was looking lonely and I figured a living horse would be too skitterish to be in their presence. These two get along just fine.”   
Steve hugged the griefer, and then clasped his flat hands around the sides of the beast’s skull. “Aren’t you pretty? All… shiny white bones.”   
Herobrine slung himself on the back of his own horse and cordially offered his lover an elbow. “would you accompany me on ride before dusk?”  
Steve sniggered, “you’re so formal, or maybe just sarcastic, I can’t tell sometimes.”   
The reply was coy; “why can’t it be both? Do you need a hand up?”  
“Nope.” Steve pulled himself into the saddle and heard Herobrine speak softly in his thoughts. ‘I remember you said you’d feel guilty if something happened to an animal that was yours to take care of. So this should sooth your mind, they’re immune to daylight, require no food or water, and are practically invulnerable to damage. That’s why I didn’t try to make horse armor for them. They refuse to wear it. They know they don’t need it. Just give your horse a name and we’ll go out for a while.’   
Steve drummed his fingers on the horse’s spine and the long head turned to look at him with empty sockets. “How about… ‘China’?” The beast had no mane to flip, but it seemed to approve; and trotted towards the long opening the pair had disguised with bushes and vines.   
The god followed him with a wicked grin. He felt slightly bad for being such a weird influence on his far more innocent human boyfriend. But it felt good to see Steve cut such an imposing sight. He never dreamed he’d see the timid adventurer riding high on a skeletal steed, decked in a gleaming white skull helm and chest-plate of ribs. His pants and boots were made of diamonds and the Nether star swung on a wool string around his neck. The diamond ring Herobrine had gifted him glittered like a chip of sunlight on his finger.  
Steve sensed Herobrine watching him and slowed his horse so they could trot side by side. The zombie steed turned its head and brushed itself affectionately against the bleached bones of its counterpart, who groaned happily. The god used it as an opening to gather the other mans fingers lightly in his own.   
The griefer was still wearing the Nether brick helm and the diamond chips on its top were specks of starlight only eclipsed by his luminous eyes. The rest of his armor was golden. The helm was really all he needed, but he insisted on wearing most of what Steve had so lovingly made for him. The horse beneath him was equally unique; the flesh was green with dark eyes and a darker mane and tail. The creature had had a bare patch where its ribs were visible, but the griefer had dispatched a regular zombie and used its broken pixels to mend the ripped skin of his steed. The reins lay slack on the beast’s neck while the god steered the horse by a handful of its ragged mane.   
“I wonder who’s faster,” Steve said mischievously.  
Herobrine laughed merrily, “probably you, less meat on the hoof to slow you down.”   
“And zombies are slow!” Steve let go of Herobrine’s hand and clicked his boots lightly against the ribs of his horse. The beast broke into a gallop and flew with ease over a small hedge, pounding down the muddy road to the plains. But the god was not one to be bested so easily, with a quick calculation he glitched both himself and his mount up ahead of Steve, and then stood their nonchalantly as the human rode up.  
“Cheater!”  
He shrugged, “I was made to grief.”   
“I want to see a flat out run, and no glitching this time.”  
Herobrine shrugged elaborately, “if it pleases you.” With the lightest of touches he sent his horse out of the woods, Steve was only moments behind him. The unholy riders burst from the tree line and nearly trampled a group of Testificates that were walking in a nervous huddle.   
The message came hard and fast in Steve’s head. ‘Just follow my lead. I can use the energy of your belief if you play along!’   
Herobrine stood up in the saddle, he raised an arm and electricity crackled over his palm and arced in a crude halo around his helm. He swept it downward and the villagers were pressed to the earth with all the weight he could bring to bear on multiple targets. They squirmed and a few of them shrieked in alarm.   
He nudged his horse and brought it close to the group, letting them get a good look at the sour beast that bared crooked teeth at them and groaned like an angry zombie. When the God spoke, the words seemed to come from far away and echo back like thunder in their ears. It was a both a question and a statement. “Do you know my name…?”   
There were frightened mumbles but none of assent.  
The apparition let his eyes blaze so brightly that none could look at him. “I am Herobrine. And this is my land. But because I am a generous god of chaos…”   
His words were greeted with little screams and moans of fear.   
“…I want nothing of you. Except to witness my glory and carry my name. And challenge me not, for I am a spirit of vengeance and I can destroy mortals at a whim.” The griefer brought his fist down and a bolt of lightning arced down from a clear sky and blasted the ground where he pointed. He prodded his horse and the zombie steed reared, kicking the air with powerful hooves before vanishing with a massive thunderclap. In his place there was now a lava pool in the ground, surrounded by a crust of red netherrack.   
Steve suddenly realized he was alone and jumped when the griefer spoke into his mind. ‘It’s okay, they can’t see you, I teleported, and I’ll meet you back at the base.’ The human resisted the urge to laugh at his incredibly dramatic double; ‘so much for being inconspicuous.’ The skeletal horse made a light clack-clack of bones as it walked briskly back to their house.   
‘Well, I don’t want to attack this bunch. But if I scare them a little bit it should keep them out of the swamp. That lava pool can stay as a testament to it not being a grand delusion on their part, and it will give them a nice horror story to put the kiddies to sleep with. Trust me, I like to grief, but I don’t wish to fight a war when I have loved ones in my life to protect and I don’t have the option to hide in a different dimension if things go hideously wrong.’ 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *


	22. Church in the Morning / Bar at Night

"So, are you ready for me yet?"  
"Please..." The human whimpered. "I can't take anymore."  
The griefer traced the red welts on his victim’s legs with the cane switch he'd been using for the past hour. They'd set up the bed with the express purpose of throwing it away afterwards, and Herobrine looked every square like a devil as he loomed over his helpless companion in this dark deed. He flipped to a stack of slime balls and squeezed one over the squirming man. Steve arched like an ocelot in heat, he whined from the needy ache that gripped everything from his waist downwards. And when he felt the cold fluid run like a river down his canyon; his wails only got more insistent. He strained at the ropes that tied him down like an animal. Herobrine offered him a folded leather and he chomped down on it like he was starving, and ground his teeth into it.  
The gods words were so pleasant and calm, "Here, you'll need it."  
He fisted a slime ball and shoved it roughly against the miner’s entrance. Turning it like a screw so the outer layers would wear away and run in cool streams down the burning welts on his legs. He grinned wickedly at the mess he was making out of Steve. He'd already come twice without even being penetrated and was grinding himself desperately against the bed as the god teased his tiny hole. Steve fairly screamed around the leather in frustrated arousal.  
"Oh. All right, I'll give what you want, my sweet lamb." The griefer discarded the ball and lined himself up. The other man had been spread wide and pleading for some time now, so there was nothing more to prepare. "It's so gratifying to be wanted," he mused aloud. "Your passion is one of my favorite things about you Steve." Herobrine placed the blunt head of his rod over the open hole and wiggled just the tip inside. He paused for a moment and then pushed a little harder, listening to the sweet sounds of his victim panting as he adjusted to the intrusion. "Ah, that's better already. Or would you prefer I was less merciful then usual?" He got an enthusiastic nod in reply, "very well."  
With a sudden thrust of his hips he drove himself like a pickaxe into the heat of his lover. Steve screamed, tears pricking at his eyes. The leather fell from his lips and he cried out brokenly as the griefer pistoned roughly into his body. Even with the slime, Herobrine was hotter then a blaze rod, and he knew the god was more then ready to pump him full of equally hot cum. But he needed it like air and he wept even as waves of heat, pain and sexual ecstasy saturated every pixel. Steve tugged at his bindings and the tightness only made him more irrationally aroused. He wanted to feel held and invaded, and only his god could fill his wanton needs. The miner had accepted that the role he wanted to play was not a dignified one, and the griefer was more then happy to debase him if it would get them both off.  
A sort of pounding beyond the one happening to his ass was starting to distract him. The door behind them broke under a furious assault of fists and the five skeletons that constituted Steve's personal mob burst into the room. They made a beeline for the griefer who was still cubes deep in their master's throbbing rear.  
"Stop!" The human commanded, "Don’t you dare touch him!" Obediently the undead backed away, but they gave the god some patently evil looks. They motioned urgently towards mouths open in screams and gestured to the trickle of blood from the hole where the god had obviously injured him with his own anatomy.  
Steve let his head fall to the sheets in frustration. Herobrine leaned an elbow casually on his victim’s ass, but made no move to pull out. "You're going to have to tell them something pretty good my clever crafter. They seem rather miffed at me right now."  
Steve's voice was slightly muffled by the blanket, "you really want me to explain anal sex to a bunch of skeletons?"  
Herobrine giggled. "Well if you want to continue our session you better think of something, because if I make you scream again I think they'll try and pull me off of you. I wouldn’t want to accidentally hurt your little friends."  
Steve head was spinning; it wasn't a threat, just a hint that Herobrine was rather annoyed and trying to keep his temper in check. His body was screaming for him to move, and his flesh was fluttering insistently around the rather copious cock in his ass. He shouted a little louder then he'd meant too, "you understand what a sacrifice is, right? This is mine. I offer my body and soul, I give him my pain and he protects me with his powers. It's necessary and you're intruding on a taboo ritual of great importance."  
The undead looked at one another and then back at their master. Their world was not lacking in magick, though sacrifice was usually an offering of precious materials. Steve cleared his throat and did his best impression of Herobrine. "Do you question the words of your master when I do this for you as well? Would you prefer the god were sated with your own tortured and silent screams?!"  
The bony acolytes were suddenly at attention and filed quickly out of the room without a backwards glance.  
Herobrine sighed in contentment. "Nicely done, my sacrificial lamb. Shall I get on with your anointment?"  
"Gaaah, yaas." Steve shuddered as the griefer swelled further inside him. "I'll make this a good one to reward your sterling impression of me." And with that he resumed his rhythm until he was ready to release. With a wickedly cruel laugh he pulled out and sprayed himself across his hapless lovers back. The human convulsed, the sheer debauchery causing him to cum a third and almost painful time before collapsing into a puddle of slime and semen. He shivered and shook with the aftershocks.  
Herobrine petted his hair and whispered soothing nonsense to him as he unbound his double. He lifted the defiled body from the bed and carried him like a bride to the edge of the warm tub set into the floor. He propped Steve up in the shallowest part and cleaned him head to foot with a sponge as his lover processed the tsunami of emotions the griefer had evoked in him. Herobrine wrapped himself around his counterpart, snuggling him and holding him as gently as if he were a glass block that might shatter at the slightest touch. When he sensed Steve's racing thoughts slowing down, he flipped his inventory to a bucket of milk and offered his mate a drink.  
"Thank you."  
Herobrine give him a much softer smile, his bright eyes casting strange shadows on his serene features. "Anything for my favorite priest."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Are you sure about this?"  
"You told me to be nice to them and that's what I'm doing. I've been doing alchemy since before you were spawned and it's very annoying for you to keep questioning me like I'm some kind of noob."  
Steve wrung his hands, "well, they trust me, You know? I don't want to see them hurt." The 'they' in question were Steve's five skeletons, who waited patiently while the god tinkered with his brewing stand and their master hovered urgently around said activities. He'd become rather attached to their silent company and even Herobrine acknowledged that their mountain tower was safer with a few wandering guards that could strike from a distance. Currently Violet was standing the closest and Steve patted them on the back out of reflex.  
Herobrine talked as he added fermented spider eyes to the brew. "Look, undead are different from us in a very important way, if you throw a healing potion on them it actually hurts them. If you want to make them feel good; you have to use something that would kill a human." He switched the bottles to do several at once and added gunpowder to the first brew. "And they can't drink anything as they are, but a splash potion will transfer the effect." He took one of the finished potions from the previous batch and brandished it. "Ask for a volunteer if you're so unsure."  
Steve gulped; trust exercises always made him fear the absolute worst outcome. "You heard him," he said, "someone step forward." Surprisingly, it was shy Cyan that volunteered, and followed Steve's gesture that their leather helm be removed. He passed the undead warrior the bottle and requested they pour it over their head. Confused, but still trusting, the skeleton did as they were bade. There was a quiet moment while the men waited to see what would happen and then the skeleton loudly hiccupped. Little spirals swirled like bubbles from its bare teeth. Herobrine laughed lightly and it only served to make his double more uncomfortable. Cyan shook their skull and unmistakably smiled, practically bouncing on their tiny feet Cyan gestured excitedly to the others. Thumping their chest as if they still had hearts to mimic beating. The others crowded forward and a grinning god passed the bottles around. Finally everyone was sated and Herobrine was left holding the extra sixth bottle. Steve sidled up to him, watching the skeletons stagger and bounce around like excited children. "I feel like we should turn them all outside to play," he whispered. "But upstairs outside, just to be safe."  
Herobrine crossed his arms with a smirk, "have fun herding them up the steps." Suddenly Tang was staggering towards him, he made to back away but the table was behind him, and the god only succeeded in bumping his back painfully against the edge. The skeleton put its little hands on the shoulders of his golden armor and groaned in short barks near his face.  
Steve was mystified by the noise, "Tang, are you laughing?" The creature nodded yes and its jaw hung slack as it did so.  
The god quirked an eyebrow, steadying the undead with one firm hand. "I guess every group has to have a cheap drunk." The skeleton swatted him playfully and walked back to the group who seemed to be taking turns dancing strangely on a bit of rug.  
"Scratch that outside thing, they seem to be enjoying themselves just fine where they are."  
Herobrine poured a trio of bottles full of water and began brewing another set of awkward potions before addressing Steve directly. "So, would you like me to make you something fit for a human to drink while you fetch the jukebox from upstairs?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *


	23. Trouble in Paradise

"This is all your fault, you know that right?"   
"You're the one that got us lost."  
Herobrine wheeled on Steve, "I wouldn't have gotten turned around in that cavern if you hadn't been trying to tickle me! You ask me to watch your backside, but you can't leave mine alone long enough to actually do any mining."   
"You usually don't complain about it," Steve replied sullenly.  
"I'm going to complain about it when it results in us wasting hours wandering around lost and hungry in an abandoned mineshaft!" Herobrine snarled, "This is idiotic, I'm going back up. I'd rather retrace my steps from the opening then listen to you whine." The griefer picked a wall and stared to glitch break blocks into rough stairs with his fists.   
Steve clapped his hands over the sides of his head. The noise was intensely loud and he felt his eardrums straining.   
Herobrine stopped for a moment, "are you really going to bitch about the noise?"   
"I might as well, before you make me entirely deaf! Can't you hear how loud that’s echoing in here? Why can't you just use a tool?!"  
Herobrine gritted his teeth and resumed pounding the dirt away, and climbing up "because I'd like to get out of this hole as quickly as possible, feel free to go out some other way if you want." He heard muffled swearing following him from far down in the tunnel behind him. Pretty soon he broke out into the open air, and saw to his chagrin that they were actually very close to the entrance to their house. The sun made him squint in annoyance and the god made a beeline for the door inside. The angry miner was close on his heels, and visibly pouting. "Inconsiderate jackass."   
Herobrine put his hands on his hips, he knew it was petty to provoke Steve, but it had been a terrible day and his patience was wearing thin. "Anything else you'd like to air while we're making personal criticisms?"   
"Yeah, actually; I hate your taste in music, what's with that cracked record full of scary noises you keep playing at night? It gives me nightmares."  
"Well you won't stop playing 'cat' over and over again, its making me crazy."  
"Oh, yeah, well, I hate that lava pool you put in our bedroom, it's dangerous and it makes me sweat like a pig!"  
"It's not my fault your feet are like two ice blocks!"  
"You never admit when you're wrong!"  
"That's because it doesn't happen very often!"  
"Yeah... well... your horse is smelly!"  
Herobrine said nothing, but his nostrils were visible for a moment as they flared in rage. He snorted like a bull and stalked away from the fuming human.   
Steve charged after him, "Fine just piss me off and walk away like you do with everyone else!"  
The god turned slowly and Steve realized what he'd said. Herobrine gestured at him, and he felt a great weight push him to his knees. The griefer walked into the stairwell and slammed the door behind him. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Steve found himself grumbling angrily as he banged at a wall with his pickaxe. He felt stupid for fighting with the griefer, and was now kicking himself internally because Herobrine was avoiding him.   
A little tap on his bare arm caused him to wheel on the one who caused it. Gold staggered away from the angry human who was brandishing a tool at them. The tool went down, “Sorry Gold. Is something the matter?” He noticed Cyan and Violet watching from the doorway.   
It was nothing official, but the skeletons had apparently decided that Gold was the only one allowed to touch their master. Therefore that particular skeleton was always the one to take problems to Steve. Gold tugged insistently at Steve’s hands and he allowed himself to be led out into the stairwell by the quiet undead.   
The skeletons made no noise as they ascended the spiraling stair, but as they got closer to the top; a muffled voice became clearer. At the last landing, the mob pulled Steve off the stairs and motioned for him to be quiet and listen to what was happening above.   
Herobrine stalked like an ocelot through the garden, Karen and Navy trailed along behind him as he muttered in despair.   
The god knuckled his helmet in irritation. He’d never felt so stupid in all his miserable life. He’d actually fought with Steve and now the guilt and fear was slowly crushing down on him. It was horrible to be so dependent on one person for his very existence, and the knowledge chewed relentlessly at what little real self-esteem he possessed.   
“And I finally find someone who loves me, actually fucking loves me, and I screw it up! Do you have any idea how that feels?”   
The creeper and the skeleton exchanged a look before shaking their heads. Navy stuck out their arm and tried to pat the distressed god on the shoulder.   
“Yeah, thanks.” Herobrine let out his breath in a huff and sat down on a dirt block. He idly pulled up carrots as he grumbled. “And now what do I say? Sorry I’m a horrible excuse for a person who can’t be considerate or keep my temper in check? Sorry I’m a monster and I haven’t any clue how to behave when I’m not constantly in danger?” Herobrine shouted in frustration; “I WAS MADE TO MAKE PEOPLE ANGRY. WHY DO I FEEL SO BAD?!”   
Karen sidled up to him with a quiet hiss. She bumped him with her head like a cat, and he reached up to scratch her fuzzy chin. “You understand. You’re like me; you’re used to everyone hating you. But you adjusted.” He looked up at the skeleton that was hovering with a concerned look about their skull. A leather hat was perched on their head and the dark blue sweater Steve had kitted for them was hanging limply off their bones. He ran his hands over Karen’s sweater, every stitch infused with Steve’s love; the human’s boundless desire to help given tangible form. Herobrine looked down at his own golden armor glinting in the sunshine. The empty feeling in his gut was growing now.   
“And what did I ever do for him, except be a party to him losing everything he’d worked for before he met me?”   
Navy made hand motions as if he were riding.  
“Yeah, okay. I gave him a horse. I also tortured and raped him.”   
The undead somehow managed to look appalled, and even Karen seemed to frown more deeply.   
“I never said I was a good person.” Herobrine snarled defensively. His eyes blazed. “I never said I was a person at all. They called me a god, a ghost, and a demon because I could do things other people can’t, because I’m stronger then them. I did what I needed to survive and I took what I wanted by force because no one had ever given me anything in any other way. And you two can judge me if you want; because your kind are the same way. You kill and kill and I bet you don’t even know why.” He stood up suddenly. “But I know why. Because I’m a monster, even worse then you because I did it just to see them bleed. I did it so I could drink their suffering and sustain myself on their fear!”  
His clenched fists lowered slowly, “and now… I feel like nothing. Like some sand the wind could just pick up and blow away. I get one chance to redeem myself and… I… I might as well just send myself back to the Nether where I belong and save him the trouble of banishing me.”   
Navy shook their head and reached out, afraid to touch Herobrine but desperate to comfort him. Thankfully Steve saved him the trouble. The sun glittered on diamond and bone as he tromped across the grass with a determined expression. Herobrine turned away but Steve practically tackled him. He wrapped himself around the griefer and squeezed him.   
“Don’t you dare leave me.” Steve had tears in his eyes, “I’d have to turn your lava into obsidian and go after you.”  
Herobrine froze at his words. The miner was not one to speak idly and he was relentless when he really wanted to accomplish something. He choked on the words, “You’d… go to the Nether to find me?”  
“I’d go to the End to find you.”   
Steve let Herobrine go so he could see the griefers face, but kept hold of his hands. “Look, I know you don’t have any experience with this kind of thing: but people fight sometimes. Friends and even lovers, get mad and say things they shouldn’t or stuff they don’t mean. I doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. It also doesn’t mean you need to walk on eggshells and stay quiet about things that are bothering you until you lose your temper. Herobrine…” He fairly shook the god for emphasis. “I love you. Please just talk to me.”   
The griefer frowned, feeling lower then he had in a very long time. “Steve… I don’t think you understand how dependent I am on your goodwill. The fear of screwing this up is slowly poisoning me. You are literally the only thing standing between me and a world of deprivation and pain.”   
The human’s lip trembled slightly, “isn’t there anything I can do to help you feel more secure? I’ve forgiven you all your evils. I’d trust you with my life and I want you to trust me so badly. I want to help you.”  
“You can’t help me Steve. But the sheer force of your love does warm my soul.” Herobrine’s eyes dimmed shyly, “I’m sorry I was mean to you.”  
Steve let out a little gust of air as one of the skeletons suddenly pushed him over, causing the god to catch him. He laid a kiss on Herobrine’s lips. “I’m sorry too. Still love me?”   
“Oh yes…”  
Steve panted lightly, “Just being near you makes me nervous in the most delicious way. You make my hearts race.” The god wrapped his arms around his double and laid him down in the lush grass. He lay down beside him and the two watched the clouds scud across the sky through the glass ceiling. The human offered his hand and the griefer clasped it warmly.   
“I’m not the only one that’s thinking about you, you know?”  
Herobrine lost in thought and it took him a moment to answer. “I would hope Alex thinks of me now and again. I know I’m not her favorite person by any means, but she cares about your happiness at least.”   
“No. That’s not what I mean, though you are probably right. The Testificates have been building a shrine near the lava pool you made.”  
“Really?!” He rolled over and threw an arm over his lovers ribbed chest-plate. “What does it look like?”   
Steve smiled, it made him happy to see his double so excited. “I think they found one of your poems. There are a lot of random blocks placed around like offerings, and a half-built summoner. I give it less then a week after it’s done before the young ones are out there at night daring each-other to light it.”  
The god laughed darkly, showing his suddenly very sharp teeth.  
“I’m glad to see that improves your mood.”   
“Hey, I have a reputation to maintain!”   
“Pfft.” Steve chuckled. “Do you really want to still be running around scaring people and setting things on fire when you’re 600? Everybody has to slow down at some point.”   
The god poked him lightly in the chest. “Even doing a rough estimate, I am still over 1000 years old. You’re a spring lamb compared to me, so shush.”   
“And you’re dating me? I’m barely 300! You’re a dirty old man Herobrine.”  
“Ugh!” The griefer barked in mock anger. “I am NOT old!”   
A clatter of bones broke up their discussion as Tang raced up the stairs. The skeleton jumped around in consternation as Steve got up from the ground to talk to them. He watched in amazement as the undead mimed a small person riding a horse, and pointed excitedly toward the swamp.   
“What did they look like?” Steve inquired.   
Tang pulled their sweater over their skull to make a hood and put their head down.   
“Got it,” Herobrine stated. “Well, my love, are you ready to engage in some scare tactics with me?”   
“Are you sure? We have no idea who this person is.”  
“Yeah, well then let’s hope they aren’t some self-styled hero come to slay me then.”


	24. Meeting the Family

The traveler had come far and they were very weary. They’d come chasing the tales whispered by Testificate lips, and when they found the half-done summoner on the plains they knew they were on the right track. The sky seemed to get darker despite the sun, as they entered the gloom of the swamp. The black horse they rode getting bogged down in the mud and their pets complaining about the damp. But they struggled on.   
It was nearly full dark as they reached the shadow of the natural stone tower that loomed up out of the muck.   
They set some torches in the soft earth and prepared to set a small camp for the night. A sudden hush fell over the woods, and it felt as if the very air was becoming heavier; pushing the traveler down to one knee despite their efforts to fight it. Their horse whinnied in fright and their animals piled up to protect one another.   
The torches seemed to flick off and then on again, their yellow light turned to redstone dust that cast a bloody glow around the clearing. They heard the double tromp of heavy hooves, it seemed to shake the very ground. The traveler nocked an arrow and turned, aiming it into the darkness that seemed to creep in all around them. Hearts thumped wildly and sweat beaded on their brow.   
A massive horse and rider entered the clearing. His demonic helm was rusted red and his blood-stained gold armor flashed in the torchlight. The creatures eyes blazed with dead white light and they found themselves withering under that unearthly gaze. His steed was undead and breathed a thick green fog that seemed to poison both body and soul. His companion was equally fearsome, a rotting zombie wearing a skull helm, trailing dark water and weeds. His mount was a grinning skeletal horse with a ringlet of green foxfire around each plate-sized hoof.  
The traveler felt sick with fear as they noticed the glittering chip of diamond on the zombie’s hand. She cried brokenly, “Herobrine! How could you do that to Steve?! He loved you so much!” With a scream of rage she let fly an arrow that pierced his armor and buried itself deeply in the god’s heart.   
The skeletal horse and rider was moving now, pounding towards her as the zombie yelled something that was lost in her haze of rage. She let fly another arrow and saw it sink deeply into the griefer's shoulder. The zombie was on her now, leaping down from the horse and grabbing her by the shoulders. The horrible beast tore the hood from her head and gasped at her features.   
“Alex?”  
Herobrine quirked his eyebrows in surprise and dismissed the illusion with a wave. Alex wept with both fear and relief as she watched the green skin and rot vanish from Steve’s face. She hugged him fiercely, shaking him back and forth. “You scared me so badly! What on the Over-world were you doing looking like that?!”  
The god cleared his throat as he walked up to them.   
Alex turned beet red. “I’m sorry Herobrine… I thought.”   
“I know.” He said sadly. “I guess I can’t blame you for thinking I’d betray someone who loved me.”   
“At least let me help you with those,” she replied quietly. And the griefer stood as still as a statue as the archer yanked the two arrows from his torso.   
Steve passed his lover a lava bucket from his inventory, and the two humans watched as he healed his wounds with a little dab on each.   
“Heck of a reunion huh?” Steve said nervously.   
Alex straightened her clothing, “do you greet everyone like that?”  
Herobrine shrugged, “keeps the traveling salesmen from knocking on our door. Besides, we didn’t know who you were and we forbade the locals from entering the swamp biome. A little harmless scaring can go a long way towards ensuring privacy.” He clapped his hands, “that said, you should bring your steed and cats to our house. I’d like to introduce you to the rest of the family.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Steve decided to ride ahead and prepare his crew to receive their old friend. Herobrine and Alex rode side by side with only the sound of her cats for accompaniment. He was thankful it wasn’t a long way to go, because he was afraid to ask her how and why she’d tracked them half-way across the over-world.   
At the first room they tethered the horses, on the second floor Alex fed her cats and made them and the resulting kittens sit on the many bits of wool rug Steve had placed around the room.   
Steve himself was waiting on the fourth floor landing and led them up to the big common room under the garden. He put his hands on Alex’s shoulders, and looked into her eyes. “Okay!” He breathed. “Herobrine and I… we… kinda befriended some of the hostile mobs.”   
Herobrine stepped up, “it started with a creeper that I glitch punched. Now she can’t explode. And then Steve figured out that if you give them clothes they can survive in daylight.”  
The miner interjected, “the skeletons like my bone armor, it gave me an in to make nice with them. So don’t be scared of my crew, they’re really loyal and sweet once you get to know them.”  
Alex looked skeptical, “this is a lot to take in.”   
Steve smiled warmly, “eh, life is complicated. You just have to roll with it sometimes. Though there is still a chance Karen won’t like you just because you smell like cats.” The miner opened the door with his back and led her in.  
The skeletons drew their bows and she gasped, but Steve stepped between them and put his arms around her. “She’s a friend. The one I told you about. No arrows allowed.” Obediently the undead put away their bows and filed closer. Alex was scared stiff as they examined her and then backed away again.   
Steve gave a sigh of relief. “Thank you guys, I know I told you all to protect the fort, but you have to be civil to guests too, and I think Alex will be staying with us a while. Wait, are you staying?”   
“If you’ll have me, I came an awful long way to find you; I’d hate to be turned away.”  
Herobrine slapped her lightly on the shoulder. “Good. It’s a big house; one more player won’t hurt anything.”  
Steve coughed; the skeletons were still waiting patiently for the humans to finish talking. As proud as a mother hen; he introduced his lieutenant Gold, Cyan who waved meekly, and Tang who grabbed her hand and shook it vigorously. Navy gave her a smart jump to attention and Violet shot her a saucy wink.   
Herobrine whispered in her mind, ‘I bet you never though he’d make a good parent.’ He moved to reveal the last of their brood and Alex felt her skin crawl as a creeper in a colorful jumper ambled up to her and sniffed her tunic.   
“Ssss!”  
“Yeah, yeah, cats.” Herobrine muttered. “Get over it, Alex is nice.”  
“Hey, uh, little creeper.” The archer stuck out a hand and let the plant monster sniff it suspiciously.   
“Tis! Tis!”  
Steve motioned to her urgently, his fingers curling and uncurling. Realizing what he wanted, Alex scratched under the square chin of the creeper. The hissing turned to a sort of purr and the creeper leaned into her fingers, one of its feet thumped the floor urgently. Suddenly it flipped over and rolled on the floor, then the creeper curled into a ring and made noises like a fizzing firework.   
“Good job.” The god remarked, “Karen likes you.”   
“Is she okay?”   
“Yeah, she gets all excited and rubs on the floor when you scratch her in the right spots. You’d be surprised the sheer amount of stuff we’ve learned about creepers just having her around.”   
Steve grinned, “wait until you see her eat with her feet, it’s really funny.”   
“So…” Herobrine started uneasily. “I have something rather important to ask. Alex, how did you find us? And should we brace to fight the mob that might be hot on your heels?”   
“No, they gave up in the jungle. I knew you went out to sea, but I didn’t tell them. I just waited until things calmed down and then left. It wasn’t that great of an area for mining anyway.”   
“But how did you actually find us?” Steve asked urgently.   
“With this,” Alex unfurled a map from her inventory and Steve saw clearly the two little markers that turned gently as they did. “You and I are players Steve; I can use this to see where you are in the world. The Testificates can’t make a map like this.”   
Herobrine looked over her shoulder; he noted sadly that there was no marker for him.   
“I did come because I missed you guys, but I also found something on the way that I think you should both see. I took the long route overland and found a hidden temple deep in a jungle biome. The wall art was amazing and I’m sad I couldn’t take it with me. But I did take this.” She brandished a scroll and passed it to Herobrine. “It’s in the same script as the enchanting book and I know you can actually read it. I found it in a black chest under a picture of someone with white eyes wearing that same Nether-brick helm.”  
Herobrine took the paper with shaking hands and unfurled it. His eyes skimmed over the crabby script and he was overwhelmed with emotion. The god sagged like all the air had been let out of him and fell heavily onto the couch.   
“But what does it say?!” Steve pleaded.   
Herobrine wiped his eyes and wearily started to read aloud- 

“In the beginning when the seeds of the world were new, there were two gods and an angel. One was a god of chaos who felt that the worlds should be full of people, that they might grief one another, He was called Herobrine. The other was a god of order who felt that it was better to have only a few that the wilderness would stay unspoiled, he was called Notch. And the angel Jeb was torn between his loves of both of them and wept to see them fight. To preserve the peace; the Gods went their own ways for a time. Herobrine created many men in his image, but they weren't suited for the world and they would fight until none remained alive. Their dead became the zombies and eventually skeletons and were thus accepted into the seed.   
Notch created a creature in the image of Jeb, who would be happy being alone and already knew how to survive; together they set her into the world. But when he saw the chaos his brother was causing he chose to punish him. At the time there was only one of his creations remaining, a man in his image, still in stasis and waiting to be awakened. Herobrine abandoned his creation and hid from Notch, escaping him many times before he was captured. Frustrated, Notch took Herobrine's powers away, broke his form and stole his memory; leaving him just a child. Ashamed of what he'd done in anger to his own blood, he fled the world and left the angel to watch over it. But Jeb took pity on the child. He gave Herobrine back his name and left him outside a village for the natives to raise, hoping he'd grow up better then he was before.”

Herobrine looked up from the paper with bleary eyes. "Everyone was right about me; I am a monster. Everything I created just resulted in more death and destruction. And when I was given a second chance; it all went wrong again and I made everything worse." He turned to Steve with a haunted expression, "the only good thing I ever did was make you."   
But Steve was also shattered by the knowledge of his origin. "That's why I felt compelled to worship you; you really are my God. I wouldn't exist without you. And I beat you. Challenged and violated you. I... don't deserve to live." Steve got down on his knees and groveled at Herobrine's feet.  
But the god was around him in an instant forcing him upward. "No! Don't talk like that! You didn't know, you didn't ask to be spawned! And I was wrong. The world is beautiful; I prefer the empty wilds to the crowded villages. Notch was right to punish me for bringing war to a peaceful seed. But don't you dare think you're worse then me. You saved me Steve. You selflessly took care of me and gave me love even when I was cruel to you. You’ve been a beacon of pure light despite being surrounded by my filth and corruption.”   
Herobrine sighed as Steve shook wordlessly in his arms. "Here, let me have this." He lifted the skull helm from Steve's head, and unbuckled his rib chest-plate. Steve took Herobrine's helmet and set it aside. The two of them stripped one another of armor and jewelry until they both stood only in their blue on blue pants and shirts and soft gray shoes. The burn of the Nether had long since faded from Herobrine’s skin, and the pallor of the mine had been tanned away from Steve. Time and work had made them identical except for their eyes.   
Alex blinked; she could no longer tell them apart.  
Herobrine pressed his head against Steve's and the two of them spoke internally more easily then they ever had before.   
'I don't look like you, I AM you.'   
'And that's why being wanted by you grounds me. You are the part of me that actually belongs in the world.'  
The god looked up and realized the skeletons had surrounded them. "And you," He said sadly, "you also suffer because of me. I took out my anger on your kind so many times. It would be right for you to hate me."   
Steve wrapped his arms tighter around the griefer, half afraid the undead he'd befriended would now turn on them.   
The god's voice was hollow. "Can you... ever forgive me?"   
There was a clunking and chunking of bones and the two found themselves even more closely surrounded as the skeletons joined their fleshless arms in a wooly hug around the lovers.   
One of the men was laughing softly, the other was weeping, and since both of them had their eyes squeezed shut; no one could tell which was which. With gentle hands Alex tugged on the sleeve of one of the skeletons, she indicated that they should leave the two men alone to work things out. The undead nodded and tiptoed with her; out of the room. She shut the door behind them all with a quiet squeak.   
Herobrine let out the breath he'd been holding, and the tears spilled unheeded down his flat cheeks as Steve got his nervous laughter under control.   
"Does this change anything between us?"   
"Do you think it should?"   
"I don't want it too."   
"Then neither do I."   
"Good."   
Steve smiled shyly, "although, I could make a weekly ritual out of our playtime. I could lick your perfect feet while contemplating your majesty."   
Herobrine folded his arms. "No. I won't allow it, besides, you know I'm ticklish."   
The human's eyes narrowed, "I could lick something else..."  
"You do that anyway."   
"I could do it more reverently."   
"Oh hush up and kiss me."


	25. The Monster on Lovers Lane

Alex had never felt more like a mother then she did seeing her friends off. The boys hustled between the horses and the skeletons, checking equipment. They saddled the pig and helped one another don their armor. The three undead did a series of little dances and some subtle communication that resulted in Violet riding the pig with a sour expression.   
Alex watched the proceedings and provided a running commentary of advice as they bustled about. “Do have your food? And seeds so you can spread some of the odder plants? Did you pack some emeralds to trade for emergencies? Herobrine, take my hood in case you have to go into a town, it will make your eyes less conspicuous. Steve, do have your mining tools just in case? Who has the spare crafting table? Steve, did you remember the map? Don’t leave without it!”  
Steve put his hands on Alex’s shoulders, “hey, calm down okay, we’re going to be fine.”   
Herobrine leaned down from his zombie steed’s shoulder and helped Navy up behind him. “We won’t be gone that long, it’s overland and these horses are fast. The important question is do you have everything you need?”   
She ticked off points on her fingers, “harvest and replant the garden as needed at least every other day, make sure the creeper has adequate dirt… Remind the skeletons to switch off on patrol so they don’t overwork themselves and there’s always one here, keep the cats out of the garden and away from Karen. I got it.”   
Steve hugged Karen goodbye and giggled as she wiggled in irritation. He swung himself up into the saddle of his skeletal horse and put a wool rug behind him before pulling Gold up as well. They turned their horses to the entrance and made their way outside with Violet following on their pig.  
Alex quickly dried her eyes on her sleeve and her, Tang and Cyan waved goodbye as the adventurers disappeared into the early morning fog over the swamp. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

The travelers made their way quickly to the edge of the swamp biome, but Herobrine halted them before they crossed into the mountains. “I know it sounds conceited, but I’d like to make a small detour and see what the Testificates did around the lava pool. I won’t be long and I’d prefer to go alone.”   
Steve looked around at the skeletons, “I don’t see any reason why not, and we’ll just rest a moment and be here when you come back.”   
Navy let himself down off the zombie steed and snapped off a quick salute to the god. Herobrine nodded appreciatively and turned his horse towards the plains.   
Hellion made good time and the griefer soon found himself at the edge of the swamp. The griefer heard muffled voices beyond the woods, so he concealed himself and the horse. He watched in puzzlement as a pair of Testificates passed by. They cast furtive glances around them and were heading for the site of the lava pool.   
Intrigued, the god followed them, the zombie steed’s hoof-beats thankfully muffled by the spongy ground.   
The pair reached the site of the pool, and Herobrine looked at what his would-be acolytes had left as offerings. The summoner was still not finished, it was missing two redstone torches and three blocks of gold. Around it were several random blocks, mostly emerald and iron. Someone had also put a bit of iron fencing around part of the lava pool, probably to keep animals from falling in.   
The Testificates darted behind a pile of blocks, one of them peeking out briefly to see if they’d been followed. Herobrine grinned wickedly. Mischief makers, he guessed. Perhaps it was time to show himself a bit, just to keep his name on their lips. Let them know it wasn’t acceptable for anyone to disturb the offerings. He gave his horse a nudge and headed for the little mound of blocks.   
When the villagers saw and heard the approach of the god, they feared they’d die of fright. His armor was a mix of gold and Nether brick and his eyes were blazing stars they could not look upon, he carried a scythe that glittered with diamonds and viscous blood. The horse he sat astride was a horrifying shamble of a beast, dead, dry and sickly green. As they cowered, wept and clung to one another; the dirt blocks under them turned into cold stone.   
Herobrine had been poised to say something impressive and evil once the pair were in sight, but the words died in his throat as he saw what they had been sneaking out to do. The two androgynous creatures were curled around one another on the grass, kissing with passionate abandon. They stopped and screamed when they saw him, clinging desperately together. He braced his scythe casually against the saddle and gave them a calculating look.  
One of them squeaked in terror, “Please don’t hurt us Herobrine!” The other clung tightly to what he could see now was their lover. “We have nowhere else to go where we can be together.”  
The griefer was feeling strange, he had no word for it, but perhaps generosity would be akin. He let them stew for a moment in silence. The god held up the scythe and the two flattened themselves to the ground in obeisance. Herobrine flicked the weapon back into his inventory and came up with a handful of emeralds. He turned Hellion to trot alongside the shivering villagers and scattered the gems down between them.   
The confused Testificates looked up uneasily, fearing a mean trick from the master griefer. But Herobrine only smiled; his crooked fangs strikingly white in the shadow of his helm. He spoke softly, but it echoed back over the hills like thunder in their ears. “The swamp is forbidden. Love however; is not. Take your love somewhere it will be free and safe. Go forth with my name and my unholy blessing.”   
Herobrine made a grand gesture that quickened the flow of clouds across the sky, and the Testificates ran, hand in hand; in the opposite direction of the village. Satisfied in a way he’d never felt before, the griefer clicked his tongue and the zombie horse obediently headed back to where their friends were patiently waiting. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Steve gave the god an uneasy look, “those are some mighty big teeth you have there Herobrine. And you’re smiling; did you do something horrible at the shrine?”   
Herobrine helped Navy back onto his horse and the skeleton settled in behind him. “Of course not, shame on you. I actually did something… nice.”   
Even the skeletons managed to look surprised. Herobrine sniffed in derision, “a momentary weakness I assure you.” He tossed his head arrogantly and spurred his horse to get a little ahead of everyone else. Gold was clinging to Steve as they rode his skeletal steed, and the miner heard the skeleton make the tiny wheezing noise that passed for an undead laugh. He patted the bony hand on his hip. “Yeah, I know,” Steve said softly, “he’s not such a bad guy.”  
A terrifying whisper of a voice slithered into the back of Steve’s head, and for moment he felt as if a slimy tongue was delving into his ear canal. He shivered at the disturbing sensation; it was sensual and painful in equal measure. 'Don’t test me little lamb; or I’ll have to remind you just how bad I can be.' 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *


	26. Holy Sex on the Beach, Herobrine!

Night fell and there was some disagreement at how they should proceed. Both agreed that the party was too big for a temporary shelter, and Steve wanted to ride all night; but the god talked him into taking a rest without actually sleeping instead.   
Being along the coastline, Herobrine and Steve settled down on a narrow beach between the trees and the sea. They studded the sand with torches for some extra protection. They also determined that because the skeleton crew was technically hostile, keeping them close would prevent other things from spawning. So the horses and pig were tethered and the undead were sent to patrol a short distance away so they could have some privacy.   
Herobrine stretched out on the sand, it was still warm from the sun and he soaked it up like a lizard. Steve sat beside him, his blocky hand resting gently upon the griefers.   
“It’s so pretty out here.” The miner murmured, as if afraid to break the pleasant stillness of the night. “Look at all those stars, and the half-moon shining on the sea.” He turned to Herobrine, who only had eyes for him. He glowed softly as he watched his lovers face blossom in a smile.   
“Herobrine?”  
“Mmm?”  
“Did you ever think, maybe, you could learn to be a god of something other then griefing?”  
He sat up on his elbows, surprised at the question. “It’s kind of all I’m good at Steve.”  
“No it isn’t, there’s something else you’re even better at.”  
“Hmph!” The god motioned for his lover to come closer so they could speak more intimately. “What would you have me be?” He whispered, his tongue tickling the miners ear as he spoke. “Perhaps I should be an evil god of lust? I’m already a spirit of revenge.”  
Steve ran a hand tenderly over Herobrine’s pants and felt the god rise up inside to meet his hand. “You could be a god of love, you know?”  
The griefer snorted, “love? Everything I know about love, you taught me. As far as I’m concerned that immediately makes you more qualified then me. Also,” he indicated his fearsome helm and Steve’s bone armor, “I think we’d have to lose some of this or our ‘holy couple’ statues would send a rather confusing message.”  
Steve threw his leg over his prone double and sat down across him. He kissed Herobrine, “just think about it.”  
The griefer smiled, “you’re on top of me, there’s only one thing I’m thinking about.”   
“Here? Oooh, you want to make sweet love to me on the beach? When did you get to be so romantic?” Steve teased, rubbing his rear back and forth across the bulge in his lover’s pants. “Or do you just want me quick and dirty?”  
“Oh, I love it when you talk like that, you filthy little lamb.”  
Steve undid his armor and pants, slipping them down to give Herobrine access to his nether parts. Both had gathered a full stack of slimes before leaving, and the human didn’t have to be told to make himself ready. Herobrine lay back with a smile, watching the glorious show of debauchery his lover offered him. Gyrating wildly and whimpering as he opened himself with shaking hands. He rocked his hips as he made way for the holy stave, chanting Herobrine’s name in different ways as he had done when first summoning the demonic creature so long ago.   
“I’m already here my love, and I always will be,” Herobrine told him. Steve could taste the passion in the griefer’s voice and he thrilled at being so wanted, feeling so lovely and desired by his creator. A wanton moan slipped from him as he impaled himself on his lovers cock. He felt like he was sliding down forever, as if the god would keep slipping upward until he was filled with Herobrine from head to foot. “I’d give you my soul, I love you so much.”   
The god ran his hands over every part of Steve he could reach; grasping the miner close and helping him rock ecstatically on the griefers lap. Herobrine lifted him as if he were lighter then a feather and let him fall with tortured screams of desire back down onto the organ that stretched and filled his emptiness with love.   
Steve twisted himself, arching and singing out his joy, he poured his own modest seed between them, and rocked back and forth in wordless ecstasy. Herobrine lifted him like a doll and gathered his legs to stand with Steve wrapped around his waist, still pierced by his length. He worked them forward and laid his lover down on the sand with his legs in the air.   
“Now it’s my turn,” he said with a grin. Holding Steve’s ankles high, Herobrine hammered him for all he was worth. The human screamed, so overwhelmed that his words were lost. He couldn’t even move to help; the griefer bore down on him with supernatural strength, and plowed him like a wheat field. And when the god came, he let loose with an unearthly howl that was echoed in a distant boom of thunder. His eyes grew so bright, Steve couldn’t meet them, and he felt himself bloat frighteningly as his lord filled him.   
Steve’s chest heaved up and down as his hearts slammed under both sets of ribs. His vision was swimming and he could feel the unnatural load leaking warmly from his abused anus. Herobrine leaned over him, also panting, as well as looking smug and triumphant. “Mine.” He said firmly. Steve couldn’t help it; he laughed, and reached out for his lover. As the god lifted him up, he froze, and the sudden change in his thoughts made Herobrine also turn, clasping the half-naked miner close to protect him.   
The lovers had acquired an audience.   
Navy was down on one knee and holding a pair of Testificates in similar poses by the backs of their robe collars. Herobrine bristled and Steve put a warning hand on his shoulder. The human shouted his thoughts, it was impossible for his other to not hear him while sitting this close.   
'Don’t get mad. At least Navy brought them to us instead of shooting them. And we told them our love-making was sacred and not to be interrupted. What did you expect them to do if they caught someone trying to sneak up on us?'   
Herobrine’s mouth was a thin angry line. He let Steve go with a kiss and closed his pants to talk to the intruders. The miner sidled into the water and bit back a little groan of relief as he released the sticky cum and lube the griefer had pumped into his bowels. Herobrine stood in front of the groveling villagers; they pressed themselves into the dirt at his approach. Suddenly he realized they were the same pair he’d encountered before.   
“Who are you and what are you doing here?”   
Their voices were small as one of them answered, “We didn’t mean to disturb your holy ritual my lord; we got lost and saw your lights. We hoped to shelter somewhere away from the monsters until dawn. I am Escar and this is my mate Godot.”  
Godot piped up, “they say you are an evil spirit, but you were kind to us, and your relationship with your priest gives us hope you will be merciful again and let us rest amongst you until first light.”  
“Then we will go and not trouble you again,” Escar finished; “I swear.”   
The griefer held up a hand, “wait, ritual?”   
“Yes lord,” Godot pointed at Steve, who was leaning on a sand block that just poked out of the water. “The skeletons indicated your devoted acolyte was taking holy communion with you. He must be very dedicated to endure so much sacred agony. We have made such love before, though it is forbidden, and painful.” The Testificates exchanged a longing look; “it is our devotion to each other that gives us strength to connect in that way, despite all odds.”   
Herobrine could feel Steve smiling behind him. He motioned for the two groveling penitents to get up. The god rubbed the center of his face, “I thought… you people had only one gender?”   
“No!” Godot seemed surprised. We have three, fem, mal, and herm. We are both mal.”  
Steve levered himself out of the water and put his pants back on. He was fascinated by the revelation, and wanted to question them himself. “How do you tell who’s what without asking?”   
Both villagers pointed to their prodigious noses.   
“Pheromones,” Herobrine, shook his head. “I guess it’s easy to discriminate when no one can hide what they are from others. Where were you trying to go?”  
“The Kore, they say the village that the angel Jeb rules over is larger, and more open to such things.”   
“Is that what it’s called? We’re also headed there to visit the shrine,” Steve told them. Both of them hissed in surprise, they looked at the fearsome griefer. “The god who has made servants of the undead will speak to the angel? This is… momentous. We would be honored to accompany you and see such a miracle!”   
Herobrine frowned, “they are not our servants, they are our friends, and I’ll thank you to not disrespect them.” Navy heard his praise and stood up straighter; the shadows making it look as though the bare skull was smiling.   
The Testificates were suddenly on the ground again. “Please forgive us, lord!”  
Herobrine could feel a small headache blossoming in the back corners of his square cranium. He motioned for Steve, making a pleading face. ‘Little help here?’ he thought loudly, ‘public relations are not my strong suit.’  
Steve got between him and the villagers and gave him the opening he needed to walk away from what was agitating him for a moment. He patted their shoulders, “hey, get up, it’s okay. He’s not mad; he’s just annoyed that strangers saw our sacred love-making. We are moving on horseback, but you’re welcome to travel with us if you can keep up.” He paused, “you said something earlier that didn’t make sense to me. Why did you say making love between you was painful?”   
Both villagers turned rather pink and exchanged a few embarrassed looks. Escar replied; his voice full of confusion. “It is painful for two mals to mate, you must have powerful magicks for your god to enter, and rut with you so easily.”  
Steve’s eyes widened in understanding, “oh… dear.” Two lovers with no one to guide them, no experience and a real fear keeping them from seeking knowledge… He sat down in the sand and indicated that they should also sit before him.  
Herobrine watched his lover from afar, his eye-shine giving him a perfect view of Steve’s sheepish face as he brandished a slimeball and explained what it was, how to get them, and how to properly use one on a mate. The god chuckled as Steve wiggled his fingers and spread them, the Testificates and even Navy; all crowding closer to listen to his lessons in love.


	27. The Love God's Decree

As the sun was rising; the unlikely group of wanderers emerged from the woods. Herobrine and Steve were riding their horses alone, the skeletons having chosen to walk as a show of solidarity. Violet led the pig and Escar and Godot shared its porcine saddle. The pair only had eyes for each other and they smiled foolishly as the porker carried them along.  
Steve turned his own eyes back to Herobrine. The god sat stiffly in his saddle, as if focused on the bunching and slackening of the dead horse’s muscles below him. He patted Hellion lovingly; untangling the zombie horse’s short mane with his thick fingers. The miner touched China softly on her collarbone and the skeletal horse moved closer to their undead counterpart. Steve directed a loud thought at the griefer, ‘you made those two really happy back at the shrine. They told me they both peed their robes, but you gave them an awful lot of emeralds and made them feel better about shaming their families for the sake of love.’  
The god squinched his lip, ‘do I need to stick my tongue in your brain again?’  
Steve reached out and gathered Herobrine’s hand in his own. ‘You could be really good at this, change some things that need updating instead of just breaking stuff. Just because you can make them afraid of you doesn’t mean what you demand of them can’t be helpful. Just do it in a mean way if it bothers you that much.’  
The god gave a little snort. ‘You’re a pain in the ass Steve.’  
“Humph! Usually I’m the one with pain in my ass.” Suddenly Steve realized he’d said that aloud and now everyone was looking at him. The villagers were holding their breath, sure he was about to be smote for complaining.  
Herobrine colored; his irritation plain. “I think my acolyte and I need to have a more private discussion. You all wait here and we’ll be back shortly.” He took hold of the reins of Steve’s horse and led both back into the trees and down a short hill so they would not be seen. The god dismounted and stood with his hands on his hips, Steve slung down to join him. “Are you mad at me, Herobrine?”  
“No, not really,” he said evenly, “that was more for the sake of my pride. But your complaining reminded me that I have a present for you." He plunked down a wool block and gestured for the human to mount it.  
Steve lay down with his belly on the block and chuckled. “If it’s that you’re going to give me a good dicking for making you look bad, I’m okay with that. I’m so adjusted to bottoming for you I hardly need to stretch first anymore.” He bit his lip, already excited, “you talk dirty to me and I just… open wide.”  
“Well then this will be to your liking.” Herobrine quietly sorted through his inventory until he found what he was looking for. He got down on one knee and exposed his lover’s rear. He passed a slime-ball quickly across both hands and put it away. “You see, I discovered something interesting, it’s incredibly wasteful, but I can chip an object out of a larger block using the very tip of my scythe. I tested it on an iron block to start and at the end I only had what I’d carved and the rest of the bits de-spawned.”  
Steve let out soft moans as Herobrine opened him while chatting about his project. “So what did you make?” He managed.  
He could hear the wicked smile in the god’s voice even before the cold metal touched his delicate innards. “It is just a toy; my lamb, for those times when I cannot be inside you myself.”  
As far as Steve could tell, the cold object Herobrine was pushing into his body was a bit shorter then the gods own cock. The girth of it slid inexorably inward and then his opening contracted around a sort of narrow yoke. The thing had a protrusion on either end like a ‘T’ that kept it from going in any farther. He winced and felt himself flutter around the strange object that was quickly warming to his own body temperature. Steve hummed in approval, it wasn’t as good as being fucked, but it made him feel wonderfully full and just slightly stretched. Then he realized that Herobrine was pulling his pants up and adjusting the miner’s armor back over the object that speared him.  
Steve turned to ask Herobrine what he was doing, but the movement caused the plug to push up against his prostate. He trembled, almost falling as the orgasm shot through his pixels.  
The god caught him, and holding Steve he teleported onto China’s pelvis. Steve squiggled as the saddle came up to meet his ass, and he gave a small cry as the plug was pushed upward. Herobrine gave a satisfied nod and jumped down. He pushed the quivering miner’s feet into the stirrups and tossed the reins around the pommel of the saddle.  
Steve was feeling quite shaken and having trouble concentrating enough to speak. “You don’t… actually expect me to ride… with this thing in me, do you?”  
Herobrine slung himself back into his saddle and reached out to grab China’s reins. The human could swear Hellion was grinning their broken horsey teeth at him. The skeletal steed rocked into motion and Steve clung to the saddle to keep from falling off as the swaying of the horse vibrated the iron plug. He bit his tongue to keep from crying out. It was like being fucked gently but insistently, with the hardest dick imaginable.  
“Nooo.” He whimpered. “I can’t act normal with this thing in my ass.”  
“Oh shush,” Herobrine chided him. “All you have to do is be quiet and enjoy the ride. You’ll calm down once you’ve cum a few times. Besides, I’m doing exactly what you advised. I’m being mean in a nice way.” He smiled horribly as the horses crested the hill where their friends were waiting.  
Steve tried to focus on taking deep breaths, his hearts were all throbbing and the up and down motion of China’s back jammed the plug into him with every step. The slime was keeping the friction down, but he knew he’d soon be sore all the same. A weak little cry of distress escaped him as the plug hit his most sensitive area head on.  
The Testificates noticed his red face and obvious agitation, but dared not ask what the god had done to his priest for speaking out of turn. Herobrine led both horses side by side in a marital clop, keeping them steady to more effectively fuck his mate with the motion. Steve clung to his horse’s neck spine, trying to resist the urge to rub his straining dick against the saddle.  
The griefer patted his mates back and arm soothingly, his thoughts were soft and distinct in his lovers mind; ‘there, there, sweet lamb. It will feel better if you don’t fight it. Your armored pants are far too tight to let you push the plug out with the muscles in your rear, and I don’t think you want to just whip them off in public. I see an opportunity ahead to use what you’re feeling to both our advantages. Just hold on, for me.’  
Steve used the shadow of his skull helm to hide his runny eyes as he wiped his sleeve across his face. ‘I don’t understand.’  
Herobrine gave him a sly look, ‘you will.’ He pointed at a patch of gray loading in with a mountain behind it.  
Escar piped up, “a village! Please lord, can we stop? You gave us gems we can trade for food, but we have no other supplies left.”  
“Even as homeless kin; they will give us a better trade then you” Godot added. “We can get supplies for you and your priest as well.”  
Steve merely winced; his forehead was dotted with sweat beads. The griefer made soothing noises at him and spoke rather loudly to the others. “I wish to go, but you Testificates will lead.” He indicated Gold, Navy and Violet; “I don’t want them to think I’ve come to start a war.”  
As they got closer, many of the villagers took one look at the fearsome riders with their dead steeds and fled deeper amongst the houses. Finally the Testificates came back out in a group, subtly pushing their gray-faced priest ahead of them.  
The elder looked at the warriors with their guards, and frowned at what he knew were two mal Testificates who were daring to sit so close and hold hands before their fellows.  
Before the elder could speak, Herobrine let his voice boom over the square. “Do you know my name?” His eyes blazed and the priest wilted under the stare of a thousand suns.  
None dared answer, so he continued. “I am known as Herobrine.” Behind him, clouds gathered darkly and a stray bolt of lightning hit the earth a short distance away. The bang made everyone jump except Steve. The human had cum so many times he was starting to feel dizzy and dehydrated, and he barely noticed the noise. A few of the older Testificates were looking panicked; the name did have meaning for them. The whole crowd was fearful of the newcomers and the god was drawing up all their energy for his own purposes.  
“I see a few of you know of me.” The very air seemed to be getting thicker, the sky darkening. “When I came before; I brought war and death. This day I come only to pass amongst you with a blessing on my way to the shrine of Jeb.”  
Hearing the word ‘blessing’ come from Herobrine’s mouth woke Steve from his stupor. He snapped to attention, painfully aware of the sogginess of his pants and a growing rawness around his anus. The miner had no more seed to lose; he was over-stimulated in extremis, his hands shaking on the saddle. He was both high and drunk on the waves of pleasure and pain that flowed from his throbbing rear. Steve could feel Herobrine feeding on his love and sex-addled thoughts, and he couldn’t understand why. The energy was so different then the storm of fear he seemed to be building from the villagers collective terror.  
The god indicated Godot and Escar, “they have told me their love is forbidden because of their sex. This is anathema to me. All acts of sex are my holy rites, all types of love a flowing ritual dance. Such love between mals is under my protection, and I am not a merciful god when challenged.”  
The priest found his voice and shouted angrily, “Even with the support of the undead, you cannot simply barge among us and demand a change of our social order.”  
Herobrine raised an eyebrow, and the older members of the crowd stepped uneasily away from the defiant Testificate. The god flicked his scythe out of his inventory and brandished the curved obsidian blade. Lightning jumped across the sky and sparkled briefly across the diamond chips on his weapon and helm. He swished it in the air and the priest slammed into the ground.  
Steve shot up in the saddle and immediately regretted it as the toy slammed forward as well. The human whimpered, feeling another trickle of sweat further soak his sodden shirt. He knew this trick, his double was using the weight of the Nether to press his victim, and the horror of the onlookers only made his abilities stronger.  
“Does anyone else wish to object to my decree?” the god asked pleasantly. “No? Good, then I can get on to the blessing.” Herobrine sucked up as much belief and power as he could draw from the terrified crowd, molding it and concentrating it in the core of his glitchy body. The coil was almost visible; like a small tornado with the god of chaos at its center. Steve could feel Herobrine’s energy reaching out and engulfing him like a bubble. ‘No more,’ he pleaded silently. But in his mind Herobrine wrapped around him lovingly, ‘just hold on a tiny bit longer, I think you’ll like what I’m about to do.’ Steve could only assent weakly; he was exhausted in body and spirit. The griefer took what his lover was feeling and added it like a pure white drop into the turgid sea of darkness and fear, and watched it all turn to shimmering crystal waters. There was a rolling flash as the conversion of one thing to another caused a lighting error with Herobrine at its center. And the griefer teleported like a flash to catch Steve as the man fell, insensate, from his horse.  
Herobrine held the barely conscious man like a bride and prodded him to look at what the god had wrought. All around them the sun was shining again, and the Testificates were paired everywhere, kissing, hugging, and whispering sweet nothings to each other. Blearily Steve realized that Herobrine had transferred Steve’s own feelings of inescapable and frustrated arousal to all the villagers, and that some of the pairs were probably of the forbidden type. One Testificate petted the bald head of the unhappy priest, who was still flattened under Herobrine’s virtual Nether-rack pile.  
The griefer looked down, and let the priest out from under the invisible weight. “My acolyte needs a place to rest before we continue on,” Herobrine stated flatly. “Which house is yours?” The weary Testificate indicated a mid sized cottage at the edge of the spawn and Herobrine walked away from him without a backwards glance. He cradled Steve in his arms. ‘You did very well my lamb. Don’t worry; I’ll take care of you.’  
Steve had no more words; he pawed at the griefers face weakly. Herobrine opened the house’s door with his boot and kicked it behind him. He laid his lover down on the bed, placed some torches and blocked the door and windows with wool blocks. The god set about making a hole in the floor and filling it with water. The griefer stroked Steve lovingly, peeling his sweaty clothes and armor from his utterly spent and boneless form.  
He rubbed slime on Steve’s violated hole and carefully extracted the iron plug. Then Herobrine laid the human down at the edge of the water and cleaned him with a sponge, kissing and praising him quietly. Steve barely responded; he felt like someone had swaddled him in wool. He was warm, safe, and not feeling much, pain or otherwise. Steve was dimly aware of Herobrine wrapping his own naked body around the human on a bed, and then he was just flat out asleep.


	28. Steve Punches a Priest

A couple of hours later there was a knock on the door. Herobrine roused himself and quickly put his clothes back on. He put the blanket they’d been sharing back over Steve and kissed him lightly before going to answer the door. The god cleared away the wool and opened the door. The sour-faced priest was standing on the step.  
“My I enter my own house lord?” He said resignedly.  
Herobrine stepped aside with a shrug, “what’s your name anyway?”  
The priest hesitated, “its Slagathor.”  
The griefer grinned, “Nice to meet you, Slag. Sorry about the floor, I’ll fix it and clean your sheets before we leave.”  
The priest’s expression softened at the small show of compassion. Slagathor looked at Steve. “Is he ill?”  
Herobrine instinctively moved as if to shield Steve, “no, he’s just very tired. I want to let him sleep a little more and then we’ll be out of your hair. That is…” his expression darkened. “That is, as long as you don’t try to punish the villagers who revealed their true feelings today. Then I might have to come back really soon. Do you understand?  
The priest swallowed nervously. “Well, seeing as it turned out to be almost half the village; and they’re currently celebrating… I don’t see how I can do anything about it anyway. To enforce the rules now would tear us apart.”  
Herobrine clapped him on the back and the Testificate almost bit his tongue in surprise. “That’s what I like to hear!” the god said boisterously.  
Slagathor looked so utterly defeated, Herobrine almost felt sorry for him. “Do you have any other demands Lord Herobrine?” He asked.  
The griefer snorted. “I’m no ‘Lord’ anything. Just being Herobrine is enough power. I saw the look in the villager’s eyes, some of them knew me as I was so long ago. But... I’m not really that person anymore. And it’s all because of him.” He gestured at the sleeping human, naked and small under the thin blanket.  
“Steven is the real hero, the lamb who tamed a ferocious wolf that tried to devour his soul. He’s not a god, or an angel, not even a powerful monster; but a man. He is just a human player with the purest of hearts.”  
Herobrine stood up straight; his stature and helm making him tower over the priest. “What I want from you are words, tell others what happened here. I’ll not tolerate anyone standing in the way of true love. The taboo against mals mating will be lifted everywhere, or else…” He paused, letting the Testificate fall under the spell of his luminous eyes; imagining all the damage that the angry god could wreak. “…Well, let’s not find out.”  
He knuckled the shaking villager playfully. “Besides, the real problem is a lack of sex education.” Herobrine sniggered internally as Slagathor’s face went purple with embarrassment, he turned away to hide his laughter. “Steve taught the pair of villagers that have been traveling with us how to make it not painful and I’m sure they’ve shared that trick with just about everyone here by now. You might have to start capturing and breeding slimes just to keep everyone happy.” There was a loud ‘thump’, and Herobrine spun on his heel at the sudden noise. Slagathor had fainted.

* * * * * * * * * *

Steve woke from what felt like a stressful dream to find Herobrine sleeping next to him. The god was still in full clothes and armor and was lying across the foot of the bed, snoring loudly. He hadn’t noticed the griefer because he’d been curled up in a little ball of blankets at the other end of the small bed. The priest was also asleep, but on the floor. Herobrine had put a purple wool rug under his head and threw a blanket over him before passing out.  
Steve realized he was entirely naked and took stock of his inventory. There was a bottle he didn’t remember packing and he flipped it into his hand to see it more closely. ‘Blessed be Herobrine’ he thought gratefully, taking a long pull of the sweet cold coffee his lover had bounced into his inventory while he slept. He realized there was another alien thing in one of his slots and he switched to it. As he held the cold iron ‘T’ shape, he realized it was the [now washed] iron plug he’d endured having in his ass for several hours. His hand shook a little and he put it away. It was a dangerous temptation to have such a thing, but leaving it with Steve was likely the griefer’s way of giving him back the power he’d taken by forcing the toy on his mate.  
Steve’s clothes and armor were draped over a rack in the corner, and it looked as though they’d been washed and hung up to dry. He’d have to get up as-is to go get them. As he crept across the wooden floor, a board squeaked loudly under his foot. The priest opened one bloodshot eye and fixed it on the naked human trying to sneak past him. The Testificate shook himself awake and looked at Steve with a narrowed gaze.  
“So you’re Steven, huh?” Slagathor said bitterly.  
“Steve is fine. Who are you?” the miner asked. As calm and polite as he could be while naked in the presence of a stranger.  
The priest looked critically at the human’s anatomy. “No wonder he wants things to change, you are both mal as well.”  
“Yeah, but it’s not forbidden for us.” Steve said defensively. He stalked over to the stand and started pulling on his clothes. “It’s stupid to keep lovers apart just because of something as irrelevant as gender.”  
The priest bristled angrily. “Are you calling me stupid for disagreeing with you?”  
Steve was starting to get annoyed. “Yeah, actually I am. And I think you’ll find that while I may not be able to make you cut your own throat like Herobrine could; I’m still not someone you can push around.”  
“Really?!” The Testificate removed his hands from his voluminous sleeves and assumed a martial stance. “We’ll see about that, human” He spit at the miner, who had only made it as far as his regular clothing.  
But before he could lash out at Steve the miner was already in his face, there was a wet meaty smack as Steve landed a left hook that left a black and blue imprint of his diamond ring on the volatile Testificate’s forehead. The priest toppled over on the floor for the second time that day and wisely chose to stay down.  
The miner rubbed his fist and looked back at the bed. Herobrine was sitting up watching him. The griefer smiled proudly, “I was pretty sure you could handle that on your own. Nice punch, you felled him like a tree.”  
The human grinned, “I get lots of practice, good square meals… wrestling with you is great exercise too.”  
Herobrine kicked his feet self-consciously. ‘Sorry about the plug’ he said mentally. ‘I know it was mean, but I needed the energy. I sensed the village long before it was visible. I was afraid to test it on myself and I didn’t know it would wear you out so badly.’  
‘Why were you afraid?’ Steve thought back at him.  
Herobrine looked uneasy; he pulled himself with a squeak of armor off the bed. ‘It’s my heat. I can eat things all day long but I’m not sure how my body would react to a solid object that isn’t organic just sitting inside my guts for an extended period. It’s never happened before, because a sword I would pull out immediately and arrows fall out quickly on their own. But with this… there’s a small chance the metal would melt inside me.’  
Steve’s face turned white as he involuntarily imagined how painful that would be. He hugged himself to banish the terrible thought. Herobrine wrapped his arms around him. ‘Don’t think about it. I gave you the plug so you can play with it if you want. Or not, it’s up to you. But I needed to warn you so you wouldn’t try it on me without knowing the risks. Frankly, I’m a little jealous that I can’t use it.’ He kissed the flat front of Steve’s blushing face. ‘But you should smile for me my lamb. Judging by the noises outside; I may have something beautiful to show you.’  
Herobrine opened the door for Steve and watched him come out into the brilliant sunshine. All around them was merriment. The party had been going on since Herobrine used Steve’s sexual need to push them into giving up their inhibitions. And though the pair had slept through the most raucous events; it was still a boisterous noisy mass. The Testificates were mostly paired and doing a strange hopping dance. He could see Violet jumping enthusiastically about in the crowd as well. For a moment Navy and Gold emerged as well, their opposing hands together like the bowspring of a galleon as they cut a strange dance step through the whirling villagers.  
Herobrine put his arm around Steve, speaking directly into his mind. ‘This is not me, this is all you. Your torment made this possible. Look how happy they are.’  
Steve swallowed. The fact that his rear still hurt a little suddenly seemed utterly insignificant.  
The griefer's whisper dripped with sex, “Though I think if I’d tied your genitals first so you couldn’t actually cum; you’d be seeing an orgy now instead of a party.”  
The human stiffened, his most tender bits contracting at the painful thought. He bit his lip. “Please don’t do that to me.”  
The god smiled softly. “I think if there is a time when I can make use of your energy on a larger scale then we’ve done here, I won’t have to. I know you; you’d do it all on your own. Just make sure; you never sacrifice yourself for me.”


	29. Up from the Pit

The laughter and songs of the Testificates rang in Steve’s ears; it made a gentle harmony with the truth in Herobrine’s words. He could feel himself getting overwhelmed again. The griefer opened his arms wide and Steve slotted himself like a block in between them. Herobrine pressed his fearsome helm against the wicked teeth of his double’s skull hat; the glow of his eyes lighting both their faces. Herobrine sighed, “I must have done something really good that I don’t remember to have deserved you in my life.”   
“Awwww.”  
The pair were broken from their reverie by the quiet noise.   
“Sorry” Escar said, “I got caught up in the moment.” Godot was also watching them, his bulbous nose as flushed as his cheeks. Both were fresh from dancing and held hands as if they were joined at the hip. Escar continued, “We have something to show you!” And both of the mals lifted their heads as if to look at the sun. Initially the two followed the gaze of the villagers before looking back down in confusion. And then they saw it, the sun glinting off a gold torque around each of their throats. The confusion on the faces of the god and the human must have been plain.   
Godot tired of waiting for them to figure it out. “We got married!” He burst out.   
Steve briefly embraced them both as they jumped in surprise. “That’s great!”   
Herobrine crossed his arms, his expression wry. “I had no idea that’s how Testificates signified marriage, it’s interesting. So I guess the officiator didn’t give you any trouble?”  
The villagers snorted with barely contained glee. Escar chuckled wickedly, “anyone who would have objected is scared witless of you two, you put on quite a show of force.”  
“I could not have done it without Steven,” Herobrine said earnestly. “His faith is the bedrock on which my power is built.”   
The Testificates dipped low, “then we will also bow to you Priest Steve, for bringing us such happiness.”  
“I…”  
‘Just accept the praise my lamb, you deserve it.’   
“Thank you.”  
Herobrine rubbed his hands together, “that said; I would like to be moving along. Will you be continuing with us, or staying to celebrate your nuptials?”  
The two conferred quickly, “we would like to continue with you, if that is acceptable.” Godot continued, “We don’t wish to settle in this village. And considering what has happened here, we are even more determined to follow you to the shrine of Jeb as your witnesses.”   
Steve shrugged, “if Herobrine doesn’t mind…” The griefer nodded. “…I don’t mind either. Would you round up our horses while I fetch the skeleton crew?”  
“Yes Father Steve” and they rushed off, still hand in hand.  
The god laughed into his palm, “Father? Well, I think your hord-ette would say you are a pretty great dad.”  
Steve bristled. “The first thing I’m doing when they get back is telling them not to call me that.”   
“Good luck.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

With the horses saddled and supplies packed, the group gathered their members and made to leave. But as they walked they realized the villagers were following them. When they reached the edge of town, Herobrine turned his horse to address them. Having so many people staring at him was a little unsettling, but they didn’t seem as much hostile as curious. A younger Testificate broke from the crowd and he recognized them as the one who had been patting the prone form of the priest.   
“Lord?” They panted. “Are you leaving us so soon?”   
Herobrine heard Steve’s small voice as the miner thought at him. ‘Maybe you should do something impressive for them.”  
His nod was imperceptible to anyone but his lover. Herobrine dismounted, and approached the young one. “Who are you?”   
“Trystan, Lord,” the villager bowed gracefully. “I have been named successor to Slagathor.”   
“Why?” Steve blurted out.   
Trystan grinned, “Because he’s sitting in his house with a gigantic black eye and refuses to speak to anyone. I presume either you or your priest is responsible, and no one likes a sore loser.”   
Herobrine laughed, “So this will be your first act as village priest? Are you here to make a request before I depart?”   
The Testificate tried to quell the knocking of their knees under their robe. “Yes, if it’s not too impertinent...” The new priest took a shuddering breath, “the elders say that Herobrine could walk through fire, is it true? They say they will travel and spread your words if you show them this power.”  
The griefer cracked his knuckles with a wicked smile. “Oh yes, it’s true, and I’ll gladly show you.” The god looked around for a flat spot of ground and bade the crowd give him room. Steve brought China up close to him as he stripped himself of armor and handed his helm to the miner. ‘Be careful.’  
The griefer answered the human’s thought, ‘I will, and keep your distance. I don’t want you to get hurt.’  
Steve hugged the red helm to his chest and led both horses back to the edge of the crowd.   
Herobrine took a deep breath, aligning himself with the world seed as best he could. It was going to be a loud glitch, but an impressive one. With a huff of air he stomped on the ground, and where he stepped the green earth transformed into nether-rack. He stamped a rough circle of the sharp reddish stone as the villagers gasped in amazement. Then he walked to the center, filling in the closed circle with stone. The ambient energy of the watchers was as potent as wine to him, and he drank it down and turned it into alchemy. He meditated for a moment, and few of the Testificates yelped in alarm as the ground trembled underfoot. There was a sickening crack that echoed and boomed over the landscape, as the seed protested his glitch.  
The ground suddenly heaved upwards and then fell away all around him, leaving him standing on a pinnacle of nether-rack stone. A hush fell over the crowd, and in the silence of held breaths there was a sort of rushing from deep underground. The light began at the bottom of the pinnacle and spread all through the basin around the place where the god stood with his eyes closed. It was lava, bubbling up from the depths, and it filled the pool to the top.   
The heat was blistering and everyone but Steve backed away. His eyes were riveted on his lover, knowing it was nothing to fear; but still concerned for his god.   
Herobrine opened his eyes, he felt swollen with power; and his gaze was brighter then even the molten stone that lapped mere inches from his shoes. Someone said his name, and then another, soon they were all chanting for him.   
He took a deep breath and stepped off into space. The silence was instant and absolute as the griefer was engulfed in flames and disappeared below the surface of the lava pool. Children clung to their parents, someone even burst into tears. Steve leaned over the saddle, his knuckles whiter then China’s spine.   
There was a bubble on the surface and then another, a red hot hand grasped the edge of a nether-rack block. The figure emerged like a monster, a human shape wreathed in flames and dripping with molten stone. As the light faded; Herobrine brushed a few glowing blobs off his clothing. The drops fell smoking on the ground, and the grass smoldered under his shoes. He walked back to Trystan, leaving fiery footprints in his wake. The priest collapsed like a puppet with cut strings, and like dominoes; the rest of their people followed their example.   
Herobrine put his hand above the priest’s bald head. Letting them feel the raging heat that radiated outward from his form. “Do you believe?” He asked softly.   
Trystan’s words were hushed; they could not bring themselves to look the griefer in the eye. “We will tell everyone.”   
“Good.”


	30. The Bitchy Witch

Once they were safely out of earshot, Steve drew China up alongside Hellion. The zombie horse gave a snort and brushed their green head up against the bare skull of their counterpart. Herobrine stretched his arms out wide, rolling his shoulders with a series of loud cracks. “Ah,” he sighed, “you have no idea how good that felt.”  
Steve passed him his helmet and armor. “The lava, or people literally chanting your name?”   
The god smiled, “Let’s go with both. It’s so strange to be actually wanted, respected even. I’m not sure what to do with myself.” He said wryly. “But yes, that was a glorious renewal by fire after a tremendous expenditure of energy. I feel like I could take on anything right now.”  
Steve gave a little snort, “I’m glad you’re in a good mood.”  
“I sense a ‘but’ in that statement.”   
“Oh, I’m just homesick. I miss Karen, Cyan and Tang. I hope Alex is keeping it all safe for us to come home too.”  
Herobrine smiled, taking the miners rough hand in his own. “It’s a good thought; one I never imagined would be appealing. A cozy fire, you and I snuggled under a blanket with a book and a few balls of wool.”   
A memory fluttered across Steve’s mind and he held it for a moment so Herobrine could also enjoy it. It was a night that they made love in their garden, under the stars, both giggling and smelly after rolling into the onion patch accidentally. Remembering the throb of their hearts and souls in harmony; just as vivid as the first time.   
“Oh, Steve,” the griefer sighed, “you have the most wonderful imagination.”  
Escar cleared their throat nervously. “There’s a house up ahead. Considering where it is, it’s probably a witch’s house. Should we take the long way around?”   
Herobrine straightened; he passed the zombie horses’ reins to Steve and teleported to the ground. “Actually no, I’ll go a little ahead and you all follow. But don’t come out until I let you know it’s safe.”  
The griefer took a deep breath and knocked on the door of the stilt house in the swamp. He took special care not to bang too loud in case she was elderly, it would hurt his ultimate cause in this.   
The door squeaked open and a face looked up at him from under a wide black hat. It was not unlike that of most other Testificates; only a shade greener and sporting a wart on their prodigious nose. The witch stood up tall, which still left her staring at Herobrine’s chest. She beckoned him inside and shut the door.   
“Only your eyes saved you from a face full of poison… Herobrine.”  
The god quirked an eyebrow, “you know me? I do not remember you.”   
The witch waved a hand, “My name is Meridian. I know you only by reputation. I have a herm student who has already told me of your miracles in yonder village.” The witch laughed, “What is mere lava to Herobrine, the god of ashes, war and tears? Nothing. You were born in fire.”   
Herobrine looked sullen and the witch paused. “Something is different then I expected. I was suspicious when Rosou told me what you’d demanded of the Testificate elders. To let them love one another freely? That does not seem something you would care about. Perhaps…?” Meridian’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you here, really?”  
Herobrine spoke crisply, “I wish to trade with you for some potion ingredients.”  
“Trade?!” Meridian stared at him in shock. “Not kill and take? You stand here in your fierce and ancient helm, your golden armor, and ask me like a gentlemen to trade?”   
“Don’t press me.”  
She lifted her hands in supplication, “I would never. I’m merely surprised. I can furnish you with whatever you wish, and cheaply at that. But I have a condition.”  
The god frowned darkly.  
“I wish to meet your friends lurking in the woods afterwards,” she requested cheerfully. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Steve sat morosely on a dirt block while they waited for his double to emerge. The skeletons noticed his poor mood and insinuated themselves into his presence. The miner smiled softly at the undead trying to stand as close as possible without upsetting their master. “You guys miss your brethren as well. Don’t you?” Gold nodded and Violet tapped their chest and mimed to indicate a missing heart. Navy merely looked stoic and watched nervously for Herobrine to come back out.  
The door banged open so hard that Escar and Godot leaped up from the patch of grass they’d been sitting on while they kissed. The griefer motioned for the others to come inside.   
The house was too small for everyone to fit comfortably, so the skeletons settled for loitering just outside the open door. Godot and Escar clung to one another in the presence of the witch, nervous but respectful.   
But Meridian only had eyes for Steve, and made a beeline for him; Herobrine stepped protectively between them. He gave the witch a hard look before saying; “Meridian, this is Steve. Please be nice to him, he’s harmless.” He couldn’t help but notice the witches eyebrows shoot up when Herobrine said ‘please’, but they recovered quickly from the apparent shock.   
Meridian folded their arms defensively. “I’ll be honest; I’m not fond of humans.”   
Steve seemed to deflate slightly. “I know, I’ve had enough really painful potions thrown on me by witches to know that intimately.”  
The witch looked at his sad frown, and the way the light in Herobrine’s eyes seemed brighter when he looked at Steve. The griefer put an arm around his doubles shoulders and squeezed him reassuringly.   
“I see it now. Only the purest love can tame the beast that is Herobrine.” The god grimaced at the use of the word ‘tame.’ She continued; “I must say you have interesting taste in life-partners, O’ God of Grief. But I can see how it would appeal to your vanity.” Meridian smiled coyly. “Steve, you shine like a star in the firmament. Despite the infinite darkness that surrounds you.”  
The god’s facial expression shifted further at the small insult and the witch winked at him. “Take it as a compliment to your power Herobrine. I’m also impressed that you’ve enlisted some of the dead to your cause.”  
Steve smiled proudly at the mention of his skeletons. “They go with us because they are our friends.” He thought briefly of the legions of dead ‘Steves’ who they now knew made up the undead mobs. “In a way, they’re also our family.” The words had barely crossed the human’s lips before he was surrounded in a sea of bones and wool; Violet, Gold and Navy group-hugged Steve hard enough to make him squeak in alarm. Even the witch seemed surprised. The dead released their thoroughly hugged victim and stood tall and proud at his sides like a macabre honor guard.   
“That’s an interesting power you have there human. Not as impressive as a god or a witch, but potent all the same. May I ask who discovered the secret of how to protect the mobs?”  
The griefer pointed directly at his double.   
“Good job,” Meridian acquiesced; “I’ve used that trick myself. But I’ve never seen anyone else figure it out.”  
Escar and Godot looked around nervously, “which mob did you protect fair witch?” Escar ventured.  
By way of an answer, Meridian clicked her tongue gently and there came a hissing from the rafters. Both Steve and the Testificates recoiled in horror as a gigantic spider dropped down from the dark cantilever of the ceiling. Herobrine bit his tongue to keep from laughing. For around each of the spider’s feet there was a soft leather boot; tightly laced.   
The witch patted the monster affectionately. “I put a little wool blanket on her back when we go riding and she’s ready for anything.”   
“Whoah,” Godot breathed. “That is impressive, I’ve only ever seen skeletons ride spiders.”  
Meridian rubbed the spiders chin, “and they don’t actually steer, the undead just sit on the spiders and go wherever the spider wants to go. Shimeree lets me lead her.”   
Steve was trying to inch subtly behind Herobrine. The god asked him silently, ‘are you still afraid of spiders?’  
‘Yes; even when the spider is you.’   
The griefer took the humans hand from behind his back and squeezed it affectionately.   
“Well, this has been nice, but I think we should go,” Herobrine said evenly.   
Meridian clapped her hands, “good, I’ll fetch my bag.”  
The steam that had been building inside the god’s head suddenly released and he spoke so loud the others all jumped in surprise. “NO. You are absolutely NOT coming with us!”   
The witch put their hands on their hips, “you’ll be sorry, I know where you’re going. And I also know a path under the mountains that will save several days travel over very steep terrain. I go to Kore myself once in a while to buy new clothes and get my hat re-pointed. Food is scarce in the mountains, and it’s full of fierce wolves and snow.”  
Herobrine’s frown deepened into a miserable scowl. As soon as she said ‘snow’ Steve knew that the witch would be coming with them. He gently wrapped his arms around the smoldering god, and spoke to the witch. “We would be most grateful if you’d show us the way.”   
‘I hate this,’ floated like a hot cloud in the back of the human’s mind.  
‘But I presume you hate it less then freezing to death,’ Steve replied.   
‘Only a little bit less.’


	31. Don't Poke the Griefer

Meridian left a note for their student, and sat down on the spider. The witch held the reins loosely and Shimeree skittered quickly to where the dead horses waited. Herobrine was sulking; his eyes flickered like guttering torches in the shadow of his fearsome helm.   
‘I’m sorry,’ Steve thought at him. ‘But she seems okay.’   
‘How do you know Meridian is fem?’  
Steve thumbed back at the Testificates once again riding the pig. ‘The love bugs told me. It’s not a rule that witches are always fem, but it’s more common then not. It’s just a job, apparently anyone can learn.’  
‘Then why are they green?’ Herobrine thought back, his interest piqued.   
‘It’s a skin reaction to all the potions and raw ingredients they keep on their persons.’ Steve told him. ‘Apparently most Testificates are slightly allergic to glowstone dust.’   
Herobrine sighed, ‘and how did you learn that little lamb?’  
‘Easy, I asked her.’ He smiled shyly. ‘You’d be surprised what people will share with you if you’re genuinely interested.’  
At that moment Meridian’s spider jogged along quickly up beside them, and then fell into pace with the horses. “You two are awfully chatty.” She said pleasantly.  
Steve’s face turned ashen, “wait you can HEAR us?” He could literally feel Herobrine starting to lose his temper.  
The witch smiled unnervingly. “I can’t hear what you’re saying exactly, though I did hear him call you his lamb. That’s so adorable.” In seconds Steve went from ashen to bright pink with embarrassment. “I just know you’re sharing thoughts. I am a witch after all.” She sat up proudly. “You can teach potion-making to anyone, but an in-born intuition makes the village healer part of the job easier. Then you can get right to the heart of what’s wrong with someone.” She gave Herobrine a pointed look.   
Hellion let out a bark, and moaned loudly, the dead horse shaking his back in discomfort. Herobrine noticed the zombie’s distress and jumped down from the saddle. He took the reins in one hand and walked on the opposite side so he was blocked from the witches view. The skeletons noticed with unease that the griefer was leaving smoking footprints in the grass behind him. Herobrine was so angry he’d become too hot for his horse.   
Steve frowned, “you shouldn’t tease him like that, Meridian.”  
“Why not? He’s a griefer, he should appreciate someone who likes to annoy and frighten just as much as he does.”  
Steve’s mouth set in a hard line, “because he’s trying to be better! And I don’t like you belittling him for being nice to me or anyone else. If you can’t support someone who’s trying to change; you can just turn right back around and we’ll find our own way without you!” The human realized he was shaking, half expecting to be on the receiving end of a painful splash potion for his words.  
Meridian stared at him in wonderment. Everyone had stopped walking when he started shouting. She nodded, “you’re right. And I can see now why the Lord of Tears would try to change for a mere human. You’d make a good witch Steve. What you have is not a power I’ve ever seen before, but its magick all the same.”   
The witch looked at Herobrine, who was standing in a spreading patch of podzol. She tapped her spider and Shimeree skittered close to the smoking griefer. “You’re lucky Herobrine. I don’t know what the angel’s response will be to your presence. But to have found such a love, I think Notch must have finally forgiven you your sins.”   
Herobrine coughed as she moved away from him, he put his hands on his face to hide the small part that was visible through the front of his helm. His shoulders shook with emotion, and Steve dismounted and ran to him. The two embraced, and Steve found himself tearing up just because his mate was so upset. The god was still hot, but not unbearably so. And Steve signaled a short rest before taking the griefer out of their sight and into a grove of trees.   
The two pawed at each other, all words lost, until they were both a tangle of limbs and armor. Lips pressed together and tears flowed and mingled.   
‘You stood up for me.’   
‘You’re my lover, and you’d do it for me.’   
‘It’s so hard… I’m fighting a thousand years of conditioning. I don’t know anything else.’  
“You’ll learn, and I’ll help you.” Steve whispered. “I love you so much.”  
Herobrine’s tears fell from his shining eyes like rain on Steve’s flat cheeks. He wrapped himself around his lover and clung to him, his body wracked with tiny sobs. His voice was soft as he replied. “I can’t help but wonder if that’s what made you special; something inside you that resisted the un-death that befell your brothers. Your hearts are like no other, as pure and stainless as diamonds. It is as if they were some final gift from Notch to my poor abandoned creation; and a failsafe key to my own horrible prison of loneliness.”   
Steve held him warmly, his own tears trailing down his cheeks. “It doesn’t matter, I’m here now, and I’ll never leave you. You’re my mate, my god; my everything.” He pulled out a small square of kitted wool and dried his lover’s tears. “And I can’t stop crying if my lovely double is still doing it.” His smile warmed the griefer like sunlight, and he felt better just for seeing it. “Besides, if you don’t stop…” Steve said gently, “I might have to do something drastic… like tickle you.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

The two emerged from the grove in better humor, and the unlikely group pressed on to find the hole in the mountain before dark. The passage was narrow and in the end, Herobrine was allowed to press ahead at a distance from the others to break the ceiling up one block so the horses could pass more easily. The banging of his fists glitch-breaking stone echoed painfully in the small space, and before long, the undead were the only ones not suffering from a headache. Eventually the path broke into a larger cavern, and the group found themselves passing down cavernous tunnels. Amusingly the mobs were making themselves scarce. A lone creeper decided to menace them, but took one look at the witch on spider-back and thought better of it. The skeletons clonked their arm bones in a strange rhythm that Steve suspected was keeping their brethren at bay, and it provided a martial feel to their passage through the cave system. Steve was fighting his own instincts in more ways then one, and several times they had to pause so that he could pick chunks of coal and iron from the walls.   
After coming through a short upward passage, the tunnel suddenly opened wide. The massive ravine stretched out into pitch darkness in both directions, and a single spawn block of lava set high in the wall was the only light to be seen. “I’m thirsty,” Steve said. His words echoed strangely in the vast space. “Let’s stop a moment.” Herobrine shot him a grateful look and teleported down from his steed. He passed the reins to Violet and walked to the wall. Steve took a long drink from a bucket in his inventory, and watched as Herobrine removed his helm and let the molten stone cascade over his head and shoulders. He noticed Meridian was also watching the griefer. He smiled smugly; she probably didn’t realize how powerful of an entity she was dealing with. Godot tugged on the leg of the miner’s pants. “Father Steve?”  
“I told you not to call me that.”  
“Sorry… Steve. You have the map, yes? How much farther is it?” Escar huddled close to him and added. “I cannot believe humans come down this deep intentionally. It’s like a tomb, even in this ravine, I’m so frightened. I feel like the darkness is pressing in on me.” Steve shot a warning look over the couple’s shoulders and they both followed his gaze and jumped at the sight of the god’s glowing eyes shining from a nearby shadow.   
“I wasn’t going to do anything,” Herobrine said sullenly. “I was just eavesdropping. Besides, I’m curious as well. Are we close?”  
Steve hopped down and unfurled the map; he used the light from his lover’s eyes to find his marker and the gray patch that was the city they sought. His heart leaped into his throat, according to the map, they’d already passed it.  
Herobrine was on the witch like a shot, “why are you leading us the wrong way?!” He blinked as the Testificate teleported from his grip. She reappeared a few feet away and brushed off her dress.   
“Don’t ever grab me again. Or I’ll leave the lot of you down here to die.”   
Steve waved the map at her, “we’ve overshot the city! If you’re lost, why didn’t you just say so?!”   
“Because we’re not lost,” she snapped back. “I’m not a miner, you stupid human. I follow the tunnel as it is and it curves up and comes out on the far side of the city limits. So don’t yell at me either, unless you want to find your own way out.”   
Herobrine’s voice was low and dangerous, “don’t call Steve stupid,” he growled. “You should have told us this would happen and then no one would have gotten upset in the first place.”  
“Why?” The witch shot back, “if you didn’t have a map you wouldn’t have even known about it! And if you weren’t on a fool’s errand none of you would be here in the first place.” Meridian realized she’d said the wrong thing the instant the words crossed her lips. Herobrine was so angry the stone under his feet was turning to slush.   
The witch waved her hands in a placating motion. “I’m sorry, Lord. But I’ve seen it; I’ve been to the place where the puny humans were made by your hands. The power is still there, I could feel the horror of what you were, and to see you reduced to this, for a human? It’s like seeing a great work of art destroyed.” Herobrine was advancing on her now and the witch backed away from his burning eyes.   
“Please,” she pleaded. “You could take what he has so easily, bend him and make him your slave forever. You could destroy anything you wished, rule this world with a diamond fist. All you have to do is take back what is yours. Leave these foolish creatures behind. Your path is far beyond the frail city with its weak angel. Go back into the deep desert where it all began, and remember the demon king you were made to be!”  
Herobrine was shaking with anger, he glitched and the sudden jolt sideways of some of his pixels made Meridian jump fearfully. He spoke softly, but each syllable promised a world of unimaginable pain and terror. “Someone like you could never understand what this ‘stupid human’ has done for me. And you don’t deserve an explanation. But for his sake, I’m not going to hurt you. I want you to turn back the way we came, and run away from me. Because if I ever see your face again; I swear, I’ll eat you alive.”   
Meridian looked into the soulless void of light that served as the griefer’s eyes and shrank in mortal fear. There was nothing there, no mercy and no hope; it seemed to drain the very life from her veins. Herobrine took a step closer and she bolted, charging down the tunnel with the spider hot on her heels.   
Herobrine sagged in abject misery. Dragging his feet, he walked back to the wall and leaned into the narrow flow of lava. He hit his head against the stone blocks with a frustrated thump.   
Steve got as close as he could without being burned, and the others stood in a huddle behind him. They wanted to help, but were still afraid of the gods temper. The human sighed as he watched the flow of molten stone run in hot rivers down his lover’s shoulders and back. “Please come out of there, Herobrine. No one is angry with you for chasing her off. I have plenty of tools and I can get us out of here if you can’t.”   
“I feel so stupid,” he grumbled. “I give up something trying to improve myself and then someone comes along and throws it back in my face.” His tone turned sardonic, “Wow Herobrine, you were so much more fun when you were a sadistic evil monster with no soul.”  
“She didn’t know,” Steve told him. “And it was none of her business. Please don’t let it poison the progress you’ve already made.”   
Escar pleaded with the god, “You’ve done so much for just Godot and I alone, which should count for something. We believe in you, Trystan and the villagers as well. You’re so close to your goal. Don’t stop now.”   
Steve felt himself tearing up again, he spread his arms. “Please come out so I can hold you.”   
Reluctantly Herobrine stepped out of the flow. He paused for a moment to cool his glitchy form, and accepted the miners embrace. “I… can’t…” Steve held his lover close, “It’s okay. This is what I’m best at Herobrine; let me take care of you for once.”


	32. On the Cusp of Kore

Herobrine lay on the stone floor, he was feeling a crushing sense of certain doom, but also felt unable to do anything about it. Violet, Gold and Navy were all sitting cross-legged nearby as the group watched Steve work his way up the sheer ravine wall. It was taking more time then the skilled miner would normally need because he was laying a staircase three blocks wide to accommodate their undead horses and their one saddled pig that the Testificates had recently named; Ruffles.   
Surprisingly, the griefer had spent very little time actually mining with his lover, and he found himself thinking of Steve’s muscular forearms glistening with sweat as he swung his pickaxe far above.   
A bat squeaked out of the darkness and Herobrine’s hearts leaped into his throat as it flew into Steve’s face and made him stumble backwards.   
The god was on his feet and moving towards the base of the wall at the speed of lighting. The human tottered on the edge for a heart-stopping moment and then plummeted down with a shriek. Herobrine leaped from a small pillar to catch him. There was a moment where the two touched in the air and then reappeared at floor level. Herobrine was kneeling, holding the panting miner in his arms.   
Escar and Godot burst into a cheer; the rescue had been so fast they’d barely realized there was a problem until Steve cried out. The skeletons ran to them, fearfully examining their master for any injuries before backing off again.   
Steve breathed a sigh of relief, hugging his doubles neck. “Thank you, I guess that shows how tired and disoriented I am. Almost getting killed by a tiny little bat? How embarrassing. And you saved me.” He said sweetly, kissing the griefer's cheek, “my Hero!”   
“I love you Steve, but don’t shorten my name that way.”  
“Briney?”  
“NO.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Steve felt like his muscles had reached their limit when mercifully the dirt gave way to reveal open sunlight. He scrambled up into the light and collapsed on the grass. The others broke away a bigger hole behind him, and Herobrine led the zombie and skeletal steeds out of it. Escar and Godot did a happy dance and the skeletons awkwardly joined them. The griefer tied the horses and pig to a tree and flopped down beside his lover.  
“Are you okay?” he asked.   
Steve took a deep breath, “I am now; I was starting to feel like I was going to panic. Even I have limits for long I’m okay with being underground. I didn’t want to say anything, but I’m really low on food.”  
“You know I would have given you mine,” the god replied softly.  
Steve touched his double’s face gently, “that’s why I didn’t tell you.” He reached into his inventory and flipped to the map, “according to this, it should be right over that hill. Just give me a minute to catch my breath.”  
Herobrine stood up, “no. I have a better idea.” He scooped a protesting Steve into his arms and laid him across the zombie horse’s shoulders like a sack. The others saw and moved to join him as he freed the animals and led them all over the rise.   
Below them Kore sprawled away, it was four times the size of a normal Testificate town, and the small white temple stood out like a sore thumb amidst the cobble and wood houses. Steve looked at it and then slumped back down against the horse. “I’m too tired to be excited.”  
“That’s why we’re going to get you a room for the night and all of us some food before we do anything else.” Herobrine stated, setting the horse down the grassy hill at a gentle clop. He paused, sending his lover a thought he hesitated to vocalize. ‘I need to think about what I’m going to say at the shrine anyway. A lot may depend on how well I can present my plea for forgiveness.’   
There were some brief negotiations conducted by Escar and Godot, and the group found themselves entering a good sized house with a small fenced yard for the animals. Escar had procured them some extra beds and they set up three in a row and two pairs each touching; for the couples. Everyone ate their food in silence, lost in thought.   
As the sun went down, the skeletons settled in for their nightly meditations, and the two villagers curled up to sleep together. Herobrine laid a triple line of extra blocks on the floor to give them a little privacy. And then retreated to the closet he’d made around the two beds. Steve was already undressed; he’d had a quick bath with a sponge and a bucket of water, and was already half-way asleep. The griefer looked down on his lover as he stripped himself. He let his glitch take him for a moment, burning like a furnace as the sweat evaporated and the dirt turned to ash that he methodically brushed off his skin. The god climbed into bed with a happy sigh. He snuggled up behind his lover and breathed deeply of Steve’s scent, risking a quick touch of tongue against the human’s neck.   
“Are you going to nibble on me next?” Steve asked softly.   
“I could,” Herobrine murmured happily. “I could get drunk from the smell and taste of your skin.”   
“You always say such sweet things.”   
“I save all my nice thoughts up, just so I can give them to you.”  
Steve wiggled backwards, nestling the griefer’s rod in between his legs. “You feel so good up against me,” he murmured. “It feels like forever since we got to sleep naked together, in a real bed no less. I miss this.” Steve choked a little on the words. “I miss our home.”   
The god felt the soft pain that sufficed his partners mind at the mention of home. He felt some of the same things himself. It gave him an idea. “Think about it,” he whispered, “conjure up a vision in your mind of our home.”  
Steve closed his eyes and thought about their garden, the sun glinting through the glass, the little benches where he’d sit and kit while Herobrine read. Faint strains from the jukebox as the skeletons played in the common room below. He remembered the soft “ssss ssss sss” of Karen dozing in the shade of birch trees laden with coffee bean pods. Herobrine crept into his mind as gently as he could, wrapping himself around his mate like a warm blanket. He laid his lips against Steve’s ear and whispered so softly that it didn’t even register as a command. “Now you can dream of us. Go to sleep my sweet lamb.”


	33. The Griefer's Prayer

Herobrine got up earlier then everyone else for once. He cleaned every speck of dirt and blood from his armor and clothing. He knew he was stalling but couldn’t help himself. He kept going over what he wanted to say, but nothing sounded right. The griefer sat on the edge of the bed with his square head resting on his flattened fist. He heard the others stirring outside the room but paid them no mind. He’d made it clear that him and Steve preferred to sleep in the nude and shouldn’t be disturbed.  
The miner gave a wide yawn and rolled over to wrap his arms around his lover’s waist. Herobrine’s pants were worn smooth from repeated washing and Steve hooked his thumbs under the god’s waistband. “Did you sleep okay?” Herobrine asked.  
“Yes, thank you. Whatever you did to me last night helped. I dreamed such sweet things.” He paused, looking at the gleaming gold armor and the black wool the griefer was wringing in his hands. “You’re worried, aren’t you? You only clean your gear when you’re upset about something.”  
“I don’t know what to say to the angel.”  
Steve looked thoughtful, “maybe you don’t have to say anything. I bet angels can read minds just as well as you can.”  
Herobrine hooded his eyes, “Perhaps that’s why I’m worried.”  
“Then the best thing to do is get it over with,” Steve said firmly. “We’ve come this far, I don’t see any sense in delaying further.” The adventurer lifted himself out of bed and languidly stretched every pixel of his naked body. He felt the griefer’s eyes on him as he dressed and flaunted his body flirtatiously for his lover.  
“Great,” Herobrine said sarcastically, “now I’m nervous AND harder then obsidian.”  
“Well, it seems wrong to go to a temple stinking of sex.” Steve replied primly. “How about we come back here and celebrate afterwards? No matter what happens. It will give you something it to look forward too if today is awful for some reason.”  
“Okay, it’s getting late anyway. And honestly I don’t even feel like I should wear my armor.”  
“Fine, then I won’t either. We’ll go humbly to make our case.”  
The others were rather surprised to see Steve and Herobrine leave their room without their armor. The pair was near identical without their distinctive gear. Only Herobrine’s empty, black-rimmed eyes gave him away. Steve spoke softly to his skeleton friends, asking them to stay in the house for their own safety and watch over the animals. He would have preferred to leave the Testificates as well, but he knew that was impossible at this point.  
The sun outside was already high overhead and Herobrine’s eyes were almost closed against the bright light. He’d had the helm for so long; Steve had forgotten how effective it was at keeping the light out of the nocturnal griefer’s sensitive eyes. The miner led the near-blind god down the main road and to the foot of the temple stairs. Herobrine could see it was only a few blocks off the ground, but in his nervousness and sun-blind state it seemed as if he were climbing into the skybox. The shadow as they came inside was so welcome he had to resist the urge to run in and hide from the hateful sun.  
A Testificate with a white robe and a musical voice welcomed them. She walked with them down a short hallway and into a room of stained glass. The colorful panes cast rainbows on a gigantic book that was open to the last page. As they watched, a string of numbers and a few obscure commands were writ too high to read at the top of the page.  
“Is there a specific page of the Patchbook you’d like to see?” The Priestess asked sweetly.  
Herobrine steeled himself. “Yes please. I’d like to see the very first page.”  
The Testificate shrugged, as if it were not an unusual request. She made an elaborate gesture and they watched in awe as the pages turned themselves. The gigantic book rolling pages like waves of paper until it finally opened again, at the beginning. The god trembled as he moved closer to read the tiny script. It was what he would call Brineairy. There were also some codes that looked similar to the one he’d used to conjure their horses. And at the very bottom of the first page, he felt himself choke. A single line dashed off like an errand on a checklist. 

-Removed Herobrine. 

Steve read the words over his shoulder and wrapped his arms around the griefer to keep him from falling. The priestess looked at the line and then closer at the penitent who was now weeping at the foot of the lectern. She took a step back. “You’re him… aren’t you? The Lord of Tears, the god of griefers. Please,” she begged. “Don’t hurt us, the book is beyond priceless, but useless to you.”  
Herobrine sunk to the floor. His tears sizzled on the cold quartz blocks below him. Steve held his shoulders as he wept. “He won’t hurt you,” Steve said softly. “He came all this way just to ask for forgiveness.”  
Escar and Godot whispered to the priestess and she gestured for the book to show the last page again. The scribbling of numbers had ceased, it almost seemed as if the sacred Patchbook was waiting for the griefer to speak.  
Herobrine took a shuddering breath and all present strained to hear his soft words. “I am here. After so long... I am here. So I hope you’ll listen to a griefer’s prayer. I don’t understand what I once was, but I know you showed me mercy when my brother threw me down and took away my memories. I don’t know if you know that the Testificates banished me shortly after you left me outside their village, but I’m telling you now.” He pressed his fists against the floor. “I suffered in the Nether for so long Jeb. Without rest, or food, attacked by monsters and without even water to slake my thirst or the luxury of death to release me from my agony. I admit that I am glitched and terrible; it was the only way to escape.” His voice cracked and Steve gripped his shoulders more tightly, willing his double to be strong. “I…” he trailed off, sobbing brokenly.  
Steve spoke then, in a clear voice. “Angel Jeb, I, a player, have forgiven this griefer. He has become the love of my life. I understand that I stand between him and the Nether. And I fear for him if something were to happen to me. We ask only that he be accepted back into the seed, and allowed a normal respawn.”  
The priestess suddenly straightened, she got a far-away look in her eyes, and when she spoke the words appeared in white script in the air between her and the penitents.  
‘This possibility was prepared for long ago Herobrine. I made arrangements for when your punishment would end, but when the Testificates banished you I was not there to interfere, and when you broke your coding, you vanished entirely from my sight. I can see the ripples you make in the world; otherwise you are invisible to me. Only when you stand before my book can I lay my eyes upon you.”  
If you wish me to help you, you must follow the sunset. Go to the castle in the deep desert, and find the black chest in what was once your home. Within is a command block. Only the light you carry in your eyes will activate it. Bring me this block. For when it is opened; I will have access to your code again and I swear I will restore what I can of what you were. I do this for the sake of forgiveness; and for the sake of the most unexpected of loves.”  
The priestess shook her head as the floating words faded away like so much smoke. Only she and Steve remained standing. The floor was littered with groveling Testificates who had heard the commotion and run in to see someone communicating directly with Jeb.  
“Thank you,” Herobrine said quietly.  
Steve knelt down beside him and embraced him as they both shook from nerves and sudden exhaustion. He turned to Escar and Godot. “I’m going to take him back to the room, I think we both need some time alone to process what’s happened here.”  
Godot shook his head far too enthusiastically, “we’ll uh, get some food, and meet you later.”  
Herobrine spoke in his mind, ‘we can’t take them where we’re going now. We have to leave them here.’  
‘I know.’  
They made their way swiftly back to the house and gathered their things. Herobrine paid the innkeeper for a weeks worth of lodging and left a note for Escar and Godot so the Testificates wouldn’t be tempted to follow them into the desert. Steve calmed Gold and Violet as Navy fetched the horses. They decided to leave the pig for the couple as a wedding present. They pulled the skeletons up onto the horse’s backs behind them and rode swiftly out of town just as night was falling.


	34. The Black Tower

The moon rose full over the desert sands as the travelers chased the sun’s path toward the far horizon. The mobs noted their passing, but were unable to catch up with the dead run of the unnatural steeds. Herobrine rode like a barbarian, high in the saddle; his naked scythe in one hand. And as the sun rose again, they came upon a pool of clear water and stopped to refill their buckets.   
In the distance a chunk loaded slowly in. A tower became visible against a range of sand dunes. The construction was almost organic, a small black castle built directly into a natural outcrop of sandstone.  
Herobrine stared at it; it was both foreboding and hauntingly familiar. The wind picked up, lifting up handfuls of sand in a whirling dance. He imagined he could hear the sounds of battle; the pain-filled moans of the dying and the undead. He shivered despite the blazing sun. The skeletons looked around; they knelt in the sand and held one another.  
“They know something we don’t,” Steve said uneasily.   
“Yes,” Herobrine replied, his voice weary. “They are the oldest type of undead. It’s likely they died here when what I created made war on itself.”  
Steve walked towards the undead and Herobrine reluctantly followed. The miner knelt down in imitation of them, and reached out his hands. Skeletal hands accepted his warm human ones and joined their own to make a circle.   
He took a breath and let the words flow from his heart. “Here we remember the others who died on this sand, my dead brothers who still walk.” Steve looked at Gold, Violet and Navy, and continued. “My brothers who are with me now, I speak for them as they no longer can. Your endings were tragic, but they gave you a place in this world that can never be taken from you. As from the grinding of bones; comes fresh new life, we forgive the deeds of the past so that there can be a future.”   
The skeletons bowed their heads as one, and after a moment they released one another’s hands and rose as if nothing had happened. Slightly confused, Steve got up and walked to where the griefer had retreated too.   
“I know where the entrance is,” Herobrine said simply. And then, “that wasn’t half-bad my lamb.”  
‘I’m still not as good with words as you are.’  
‘But you’re getting better…’   
Herobrine led him to a narrow hall leading underground. The entrance had been obscured by sand and only by following the curve of the wall would one find it. Steve felt something cold touch his fingers, and looked around. Violet was reaching out for him and he took the skeleton’s hand with a smile. Navy and Gold tied the horses to a post, drew their bows and followed at a cautious pace.  
The corridor was pitch black despite the redstone torches placed sparingly on the walls. Herobrine ran his hand over the glassy surface. “I’ve always loved obsidian,” he said quietly.   
Steve used his free hand to touch the griefer’s shoulder, “is it because it’s hardened lava?”   
“No, I like the color. I’ve always felt safer in the dark.”   
“But in the darkness you can’t see things sneaking up on you,” Steve said softly. It seemed like sacrilege to even speak in the silent hall.   
Herobrine turned to him with a small frown, his eyes were far brighter then even the normal torch Steve was carrying. “But when you immerse yourself in the cold white light, there’s no place left to hide.”  
The miner smiled, “Jeb promised to help you; it’s safe to come into the light.”   
Herobrine pecked Steve lightly on the cheek, “you’re the only light I need.”   
Then they noticed that the undead were watching them, it seemed their toothy permanent grins were even wider then normal. “Is something the matter guys?” Steve asked gently. “Or do you just think it’s cute when he’s affectionate with me?”  
Three skulls nodded vigorously.   
Herobrine laughed softly, “I could have told you that. As far as they’re concerned I’m their real dead-beat dad who abandoned them. And you are the sweet ‘new dad’ who cared enough to adopt them. They love you in their own weird way. You seem to engender that reaction in lots of folks. In a way I envy you.” He looked at the blank black walls, “I wonder if anyone loved me back then? Did Notch care for me at the beginning?”   
Gold had walked a little ahead and came back with a worried look. They pulled Steve towards a series of little rooms off the main hall. The miner cast the light of his torch into the cells and recoiled in dismay. The floor in the largest one had drains and most of the stone was stained with old blood. Herobrine’s face fell; he turned away from the decaying chambers. “I guess that answers my question.”   
Steve hurried to catch up with him, “hey, it doesn’t matter. It’s far in the past and you aren’t that person anymore.”  
The gods face was drawn with pain, “let’s just concentrate on finding the command block so we can get out of here.”   
Steve put himself in front of his double, “please talk to me. You look like you’re suffering, and I’m here for you.”   
The griefer took a long breath, “I can sense it Steve. What Meridian said about feeling the horror of what I was? She was picking up on my own old fear. The terror I released when Notch found me in my lair. I knew I didn’t have a chance to outrun him, but I fled anyway. Even after 1000 years I can still feel the cold white power of his fury. It’s no wonder he was ashamed of what he did to me. I was just a little redstone torch beside his beacon and I probably begged for my life before he shattered me for my sins. I wonder if I just hated Notch’s light from the beginning and wanted to make his beautiful world into a bloodstained battleground, and if I was so blind that I didn’t realize what the price for my vendetta would be.”   
Herobrine shook with emotion and Steve wrapped his arms around the griefer and held him until he was still again. Gold tugged gently on the tail of Steve’s shirt and gave him a sheepish look. Navy pulled Violet along because they were dragging their heels and the five emerged from the narrow passage into a large room. The walls were lined with normal trunks, crafting tables, anvils, and furnaces. The far wall swooped up in an arc and was tiled entirely with books. At the forefront an enchanting table turned its floating book serenely to face them. Herobrine grabbed the suspended book with a growl, the table protested with a high pitched noise, but provided little impediment to the god ripping the ancient tome from its invisible lectern. The table crumbled and the griefer retrieved a diamond from the ashes. He tossed it to Steve, who nodded in appreciation before pocketing it.   
The miner examined the floor, “It looks like someone blew up a crafting table, possibly several. Remember what happened when you made the onions?”  
“I…” Herobrine had squeaked open a trunk and then stopped short. “This is where all of you were made,” he said darkly; “for better or for worse.”   
Steve looked over his shoulder and suppressed the urge to vomit. The trunk was full of half stacks of hearts, lungs, digestive systems, eyes, leather, bones, skulls and blue wool.   
Herobrine let the trunk lid fall with a bang and set off for the door. “It won’t be in here,” he said flatly.   
Farther down the hall the passage led up at a steep angle, and the air felt warmer as they climbed. At the first landing a small door opened into a wide room containing only a lava pit rimmed with gray stone. The second floor gave way to a bleak black room containing only a bed, a single redstone torch and a small trunk with a few pieces of clothing.   
Steve shut the chest sadly; he could only imagine how Herobrine must have felt sleeping alone in this dismal room. The griefer caught his eye and he could almost sense the sorrow radiating from his double. The next two floors were just empty, windowless, stone rooms. Nothing spawned in the dark and it was clean despite how long it had been abandoned. Even spiders would not live in these silent halls. The top room had a few windows open to the sky and bats fluttered around in the highest rafters. The only thing within was a summoner pyramid with an unlit capstone. Methodically Herobrine broke it down and stored the blocks in his inventory. “I don’t want to be called back here,” he said grimly. “This is nowhere anyone should be.”   
Steve pulled out a pickaxe, “so where do you want me to start digging?”   
"Anywhere, I don't care if you destroy this place one block at a time. I'm going to go warm my bones by the fire."


	35. Spawned Again

Herobrine tried to ignore the distant bang of a TNT block exploding upstairs. Steve was obviously getting just as frustrated as his mate. The god tried to focus his eyes on the random swirls of the lava pool and his mind on some kind of stillness that would keep him from despairing. He let his fingers trace the surface idly, drawing up the life-giving heat into his glitchy form.   
There was a heavy tread on the stairs and Steve staggered into the room. He was drenched in sweat and his face was filthy with rock and coal dust. He flopped down next to his lover and tried to compose himself. They let the comfortable silence stretch out between them, each relaxed by the presence of their other.   
Steve watched Herobrine take a handful of the glowing mush and roll it around in his hands. It cooled into a rough ball of black pixels and he threw it back into the pool with a little 'plop'.   
"I wish I could feel that like you do," Steve mused. "I got a taste before, but I was too frightened to properly appreciate something that's so important to you."  
"Actually, that's why I went to the witch. I have a present for you." He flipped through a few tools and came up with a colorful ball of cream. "I wouldn't make blaze powder by glitching for something so important. You life is too precious to me to take that risk. I'd never forgive myself if it didn't work correctly. I give it to you, so you can experience it at your leisure, or not at all. Whatever pleases my lamb."   
He offered Steve the colorful orb of magma cream and the miner accepted it, gripping the soft mass gently in his thick fingers. The human hadn't had a chance to look at it before, and the play of green, yellow, orange and red over it's surface was lovely to his eye.  
"Thank you Herobrine."  
"Anything for you." The griefer stood up and dusted off his clothes.   
"Then I have an idea." Steve set about stripping himself of armor. The god watched him curiously as he made himself naked. The miner knelt down before Herobrine and offered him the ball of magma cream.   
"What are you doing Steven?"  
"I wouldn't dare cheat you of seeing me do this after what I'm sure you had to swallow in pride to get the ingredients. I am your priest, am I not? Consecrate me. No one else is worthy to do it. Not even me. Dip me in the flames and I will be entirely yours. I offer you my weakness so that it can be your strength."  
Herobrine was so quiet; Steve looked up, fearing he'd made a mistake. To his surprise, the god was weeping; completely undone by his lover’s words. His reply came in a hushed whisper. "You're wrong my lamb, I am the one who is unworthy. I wonder if you were formed to be a mate for me. Because no one could wish for a lover more unselfish and true of heart." He drew himself up, trying to regain his composure. "I... would be honored to do this thing you ask. But not to claim you, for you are my equal in spirit, if not my own master. I will do this just to share my joy with you." The griefer reached for the buckle on his chest-plate but Steve stayed his hand.   
"Please, my love. Let yourself be fierce in the face of my innocent nakedness."  
The god bit his lip, all but overwhelmed with emotions he could not name. "Yes... For my lamb I will be strong." Herobrine let his eyes blaze higher, brighter even then the lava. His crenelated helm cast menacing shadows on the walls and his golden armor glowed in the light of the bubbling stone. He held the ball high over his kneeling lover and squeezed it. The transparent liquid shimmered as it pooled on top of Steve’s head. It flowed in cool rivers down his naked form, coating every pixel of his body. The miner shivered as the gel covered him head to foot, tingling as it reacted to his vulnerable flesh.  
"We'll have to be quick so you aren't harmed," Herobrine said tenderly. He offered his arms and swept Steve up into them like a bride. He strode with purpose and the flames licked hungrily at his shins as he stepped into the pool carrying his naked lover.   
Steve felt the roiling heat, but distantly. He clung to his god, the gold armor warm against his exposed skin. "Will I be able to open my eyes?"  
"Yes, you'll want to see what it looks like underneath. It's quite beautiful. Are you ready?"  
A little shiver shot through Steve and the god cuddled him in response.   
"Promise me I won't die?"  
The griefer kissed him passionately. "I promise."   
"Then do it."   
Herobrine lowered him slowly, letting his rear and feet touch the surface first. The molten stone crept into every crevice as he was let down, he felt himself hardening as the flow ran in hot rivers over his rod and cubes. The lava bubbled all around him and he watched with fascinated horror as the glowing stone moved in a slow wave over his soft belly and his hands disappeared under the warm slush of melted rock. Herobrine was watching his face intently for signs of pain or panic, so he smiled to show he was ready. With a nod the griefer dipped him entirely under. He opened his eyes and nearly gasped, it was like molten gold underneath; with rolling globs of other colors like the play of sunlight on water. He caught a glimpse of something strange just before the lava hardened over his face like a mask. Then he was moving upwards again, the rapidly cooling lava crusted around his body like an eggshell. Steve flexed his muscles and the cool stone fell away from him in flakes and chunks. He gasped and it was like the first breath of air after a respawn. His flesh felt clean and new, and it tingled pleasantly as he stretched in his lovers arms.   
Herobrine couldn't help but feel a surge of pride as the human broke from the shell of stone like a new-born chick. Steve wrapped his arms around the god and hugged him tight. His eyes were a bit wild as he tried to get his breath back, and the griefer felt a stab of fear that Steve might have panicked under the surface.   
"Herobrine! There's something under there, at the bottom of the pool! The floor is gray brick, but there's a single block of soul sand!" Steve could practically see the wheels turning in the glitchy god’s brain. It was the perfect hiding spot. Because who would think to mine under a lava pool that was deliberately placed in a room? Only a god immune to lava would ever find it, let alone be able to safely extract whatever was under it. Steve shook him from his reverie, "Please, step out of the pool, I have just the thing." The griefer did as he was bid and Steve produced a bucket of water and spawned it on the ceiling. It extinguished the light of the lava entirely and plunged the room into absolute darkness. The only illumination was Herobrine's eyes as he smiled at the man still lying in his arms.   
Steve pecked him on the cheek. "You should let me down so I can help you."   
"But the floor might be too hot for your tender little feet." Herobrine said sweetly, his tongue flicking in a disturbingly reptilian way.   
"I'll get my shoes," Steve chuckled. "Come on, I'm excited to see what's down there."   
"If I must." The god let him down and walked to the center of the now obsidian pool. The flowing water pushed against his feet and muffled the discordant sound of him glitch-punching away the sharp black stones. He broke out the rocks around the block of sand to prevent lava flowing into any cavity under it.   
A now-clothed Steve joined him at the hole and placed a couple of torches on the floor. He was carrying a shovel and gestured with it. "May I?"   
The god motioned to the hole gracefully and stepped aside so his lover could make the final blow. The face-covered block popped away and Herobrine climbed down into the pit to see what had been revealed.   
Inside the cavity was a trunk of shiny black wood, just like the one they'd found the ancient helms inside. Herobrine leaned over the hole and as the light from his eyes fell on it, it opened with a squeak. There was only one item in it. Down in the furthest slot in the corner; rested the command block.   
“That’s it,” Herobrine breathed. He pulled out the ugly orange block and stowed it in his own inventory. He looked around, suddenly nervous. “We need to leave, right now.”  
“Don’t you want to wait until morning?”  
“No. I want to leave this ruin for the wind and the ghosts. If I had the time I’d blow it to pixels with TNT. But I’d rather get this back to the temple as soon as possible. If Jeb can use it to literally rewrite my soul, it must be very valuable and equally dangerous. Why would he hide it otherwise? Riding all night is nothing to China and Hellion.”


	36. Added Herobrine

By the time the lovers reached the temple in Kore they were leading a veritable parade of curious Testificates. There had been some commotion as the two dead horses barreled out of the desert bearing the two armored figures and three skeletons. The people were afraid they were being invaded by a small group of maniacs.   
The temple guardians allowed them to come around the back and they left the skeleton crew to watch the horses in the small yard while the pair took the command block to the shrine.   
Herobrine set it up on the floor before the Patchbook and stood before it. He let his glitch flare, the light falling on the block and bringing it to life with a low hum. The god stepped back as it crackled with electricity.   
The priestess turned to Herobrine and the angel spoke through her. “You’ve done your part and now; I’ll keep my end of the bargain. What I’m about to do is delicate and I need you to stay by the book so that I can see you, and you can tell me if something hurts or if you start to glitch in a way you’re not used too. Please empty your inventory as much as you can and put your arms aside, I want to see you as close to your original state as possible. Your scythe will be protected; I know you cannot release it. My disciples will bring you anything you require.”   
Herobrine schooled his expression, but his double could see the glitter of fear in his eyes. He gave his armor and food to his lover as if he were going to the gallows. Steve hugged him warmly, and the griefer melted into his embrace.   
‘I’m scared.’  
Steve gritted his teeth; it hurt him to see his lover so unsure. ‘I’ll be here with you.’ He thought at his mate. ‘Everything will be all right. And then we’ll go home. I promise.’  
The priestess waited for them to disengage and then motioned to the miner. Herobrine sat down on a pew before the massive book and nervously ran his hands through his messy hair.   
At the back of the room Jeb addressed him, “Steve, I need to speak to you alone before I do this.”  
The miner looked skeptical, “you know that Herobrine can read my mind, right? I have no secrets from him.”  
“He may be able to read your mind, but I cannot. I need to hear it from your lips. How… has he been?”  
Steve’s jaw dropped. The frank question was so unexpected that he floundered looking for an appropriate answer. He waved his hands helplessly. “Herobrine is… well... he’s terrified. He doesn’t show it very often but he just wants to stay here. Being in the Nether damaged his mind. I hear him crying sometimes when he thinks I’m asleep. I know he has nightmares and he worries obsessively about my safety. Not just because he loves me, but because I’m the only thing protecting him from that horrible place.”  
The priestess wore a thoughtful expression, “I’m not sure I can restore all his powers, but can you assure me that he won’t grief the world if I can? His soul is not like yours and he will likely still be invisible to me when I am done. Will you, a human, vouch for this creature?”   
Steve swallowed the lump in his throat. “He’s not a creature,” he said boldly. “He may not be a player, but he’s a person with hearts just like mine. Yes, I believe in him. And I offer myself as a whipping boy for his sins, if it will set him free.”  
The priestess straightened; even possessed she realized the gravity of what was being offered. “Are you sure you want to do this?”  
“Yes. He’s had every opportunity to just take what he wanted from me, I’ve offered him my very soul and he will not accept it. Herobrine loves me more then his own life and I feel the same way about him.”   
“There was a dragon in the Over-world…”  
“Was, Lord, was. I suffered a messy death and he was gravely injured, it won’t happen again.”   
“Then that is good enough for me. We will speak again when my work is finished.”  
The priestess shook her head and the white words faded from the air. “I will seal the temple for now so that none of you are disturbed,” she said sweetly. Then with a small bow she departed, closing the large doors behind her.   
Exhausted, Steve drug himself back to where Herobrine was sitting. The griefer didn’t look up; he merely scooted over so the two were leaning against one another.   
“Herobrine, I…”  
“He made you responsible for me, didn’t he?” The miner nodded. “I figured that would happen. No one trusts me except for you and they have every right to feel that way. Don’t worry my lamb. I’ll behave to keep you safe; even if it drives me crazy to do so. You always sacrifice yourself for me, now it’s my turn to change.”   
“You can still be as mean to me as you want when we make love.”   
Herobrine cracked a small smile, “you always know what to say to make this ancient griefer feel like a young man again.” He wrapped his arm around Steve and the two snuggled close on the bench; the flat sides of their heads resting flush as their limbs tangled together.   
There was a little bit of commotion outside, but they ignored it until they heard the large doors open behind them.   
A shrill Testificate voice cried in alarm; “you can’t go in there!” There was a clatter of bones and Steve looked back in time to see Violet making a rude gesture as the doors were closed again. Herobrine shook his head, “looks like part of your mob got restless waiting for us.”   
Violet and Gold filed solemnly up the rug between the pews. The sun was gleaming through the stained glass windows and the undead seemed dazzled by the play of color over themselves and the pale wooden furniture.   
A Testificate priest angrily pulled open one of the doors and Herobrine shushed him before he could yell. “They’re with us.” He said mildly. “Please close the door on your way out.”  
Steve repressed his urge to chuckle as the angry villager stormed out of the sanctuary and slammed the door behind him. “Where is Navy?” He asked. Gold mimed a person riding and someone tying a rope. “Oh, they’re watching China and Hellion?” He got a nod in reply. “Good, I don’t want to leave them unguarded. So why did you two follow us into the temple instead of staying with Navy?” Gold canted their skull at Violet, who Steve now noticed looked strangely fat under their sweater. Violet sheepishly pulled two folded blankets out from inside their empty ribcage and offered them to Herobrine and Steve.   
The miner stood and hugged Violet gently, “Thank you. That was good thinking, we might be here a while.”   
Herobrine suddenly let out a bark of surprise. His stomach knotted painfully and he doubled over. Steve caught his shoulders before he could fall off the bench and they laid him flat as he seized in pain. His breathing was fast and uneven, and his eyes were so bright Steve could hardly see his contorted face. One limb and then another, twisted painfully out of socket and popped back in as his glitch reasserted itself. His skin shaded to dark gray and his clothing flickered in tones of orange. He clutched at the humans arm in a blind panic.   
Steve felt a rage bubbling up inside him, and he shouted so loud that Gold and Violet shrunk away from him in fear. “I said I’d suffer for him Jeb, and he put his trust in you. Don’t betray him when he was just learning how to love! If you destroy Herobrine, I’ll make you pay!” The human screamed in a blind fury. “I’ll burn this temple to the ground and kill the whole world with my bare hands!”   
Several of the temple guardians burst through the door and ran to the altar. Herobrine was down, his mouth wide with silent agony. The priestess tried to get close but Steve raised his fists and she backed away.   
“Please calm yourself;” she said in a normal voice. “Jeb can’t speak to you because he’s desperately trying to fix your mate. He’s not hurting him on purpose; he just didn’t realize how much damage Notch initially did in his fury.”   
Herobrine bit his lip and a trickle of blood wound down the corner of his face, he whimpered and Steve gathered him into his arms. “It hurts,” he gasped, “I feel like I’m being torn apart from the inside.” Herobrine jerked hard and light winked briefly from the junctions of his limbs. “I love you Steve.” He managed. “I want you to know that, no matter what happens to me.”   
There was a loud clap behind them and they turned as one to see the Patchbook slam open on it’s massive lectern to the last page. Herobrine’s breathing was starting to slow down and Steve fixed on him. “Just hold on. Please, just a little longer.”   
Herobrine lifted a shaking arm and caressed his lovers face; he wiped the tears from his lover’s cheek with the flat of his fist. “My sweet… lamb…” he breathed. His eyes slid closed and Steve felt his god slump down in his arms.   
Steve felt the pressure building in his chest; he shook like an electrified creeper, just on the edge of exploding.   
Herobrine gasped, desperately taking huge gulps of air. His glowing eyes fell on his lover and they curled around one another so tightly that they clipped together. Steve rocked the griefer in his relief, murmuring nonsense as the two of them cried on one another. Violet and Gold approached them gently; spreading the two blankets over Herobrine’s shivering body and Steve’s shoulders.   
The acolytes waited until the lovers had composed themselves before addressing them again. The entire group spoke as one voice. “It is done,” they gestured to the book. “See for yourself when you can rise. And we forgive your hasty words. They are merely proof that your love is true and absolute. The Herobrine is lucky to have you. Only the most stainless of souls could give happiness to the Lord of Tears. And you, Herobrine, have one last task to perform before you leave. Jeb asks that you use your glitch to destroy the command block. No one else can use it, but it makes your code vulnerable and it is still too dangerous to remain in the world.” As one, the Testificates bowed and left the room.   
The griefer twitched, “let me up. I need to see it.” Steve put his arms around his mate and helped him to his feet. Herobrine was weak from his fit, but able to stand, and the two made their way forward to read the small script at the top of the page. 

-Pixelbind.exe restored for player H  
-Lifespark.exe restored for player H  
-Critical hit fatal cyclic error patched for player H  
-Flight.exe fatal error unfixable/Abort/Retry/Fail? F  
-Corrupted H.jar file restored with memory errors  
-Herobrine was added to the game 

“You’re free.” Steve said in awe. “He didn’t fix everything, but you don’t have to worry about the Nether anymore.”  
“I remember…” Herobrine turned to his lover; he blinked, his eyes were puffy and rimmed with more black them usual. “Now I remember what made you different. You are my last and greatest work as a divine power.” He tapped Steve’s chest. “It’s here, inside you, and it has been all along. All those other hearts in the chest were made of pixels from objects that were the right color. That’s why the others would only be accepted into the seed after their hearts had died. I never thought to give them a little of my own life at the beginning so that they could respawn properly. Do you remember the oubliette we found? That was my blood that stained the floor and walls.”  
Steve held his breath, almost afraid to hear what Herobrine was telling him. “What am I?” He asked in a tiny voice.  
“You are human, but with one difference, we have the same hearts.” Herobrine looked into his wide blue eyes. “I cut out my own one at a time and then respawned to gather the loose organs for a transplant.”   
“You… mutilated yourself and died ten times to create me?” Steve felt himself crumbling.   
Herobrine gathered him into his arms, “and I would do it again; for you.” He took a shuddering breath. “I was so lonely Steven. I lashed out at everyone because I was jealous of their happiness. And then when I was on the cusp, healed from my sacrifice and ready to wake you; Notch came at me with a divine hammer and I fled. At the end I groveled like a worm in the dirt and begged him not to hurt you. I hate him for punishing me, but I’m grateful he granted my last request.”   
Steve couldn’t even speak; he was so overwhelmed by the revelation that he could only grip Herobrine in his arms and cry happy tears all over his shirt. The god skimmed his thoughts and Steve replied to the gentle touch of his mind. ‘Thank you. Sometimes I was afraid, but I always knew deep in my soul that there was good in you.’  
‘I only gave you the hearts my lamb, you taught them how to love.’ He grinned like a shark, the light winking off his sharp and crooked teeth. ‘I think we should go someplace a bit less holy to celebrate.’  
‘Agreed.’  
“But first, I have a promise to keep.” Herobrine let go of Steve and walked to the command block. He drew back his fist, and as his knuckles connected with the block; it shattered like glass and melted into nothing. He rolled his shoulders and the bones crackled loudly in the quiet sanctuary.   
“How do you feel?” Steve asked.   
“I feel stronger; but not all that different from before. I’m still the same old Herobrine.” He sighed, “And I could really use some food. And a drink; and a nice long sleep with my favorite priest.”  
Steve stuck out an elbow and Herobrine took it, “all that can be arranged. And then,” the miner tapped his chin thoughtfully, “I say we go home.”


	37. Party Animals

The Testificates didn’t seem to have a very good idea of what they were celebrating, but it didn’t really matter. Kore was in high spirits and that energy needed to go somewhere.  
Herobrine woke up to fireworks outside and rolled over in the borrowed bed. Steve was curled up next to him in a little ball and the griefer indulged himself by running his hands softly over the miner’s bare back and rear. Steve wiggled under his touch and woke up with a loud sniffle. He turned onto his back to look at Herobrine. The god was so relaxed he looked deflated. His sharp teeth were exposed in a lazy grin, and his hands were laced comfortably behind his head.  
Steve’s eye roamed downwards and he saw the reason for the griefer's smile. The blanket was tented over his generously upraised wood. Steve raised an eyebrow at him.  
“Thinking of you,” Herobrine said smoothly.  
“Thinking about penetrating me with your torch of a cock?”  
The god wet his lips with his tongue, “actually I was thinking about sucking on yours, so don’t be mean to me.” He gave his lover a smoldering look that the human felt go directly to his groin. “In fact,” he continued, “you should come up here and let me make my little daydream into a reality.”  
Steve gave him an uneasy look, “I’m a bit unsure about that…”  
“Why?”  
The miner tapped his own teeth with a finger, “your choppers look extra sharp today.”  
“Oh!” Herobrine nibbled on his own knuckle and left a little bloody mark. He sucked it clean. “I’m sorry Steven, it’s just because I’m in such a good mood.” His eyes narrowed as he focused on his form for a moment and his teeth flattened and straightened out like Steve’s own. He smiled and it was as white and straight-edged as a snow block. “Better?”  
“Much.” The miner crawled on top of him and sat backwards. Herobrine raised him up as he quivered in anticipation. And then he let the human’s cock slide down his throat as smoothly as a plummet stone falling into a well.  
Steve let out a tiny whimper and relaxed against the griefer’s warm belly. He let his tongue loll out and laved it over whatever he could reach. He grasped his gods cock and guided it into his own mouth, wrapping his thick fingers over Herobrine’s firm cubes and kneading them with the barest pressure.  
The griefer was unable to speak with Steve’s dick filling his throat, so he sent the thought directly to his mate’s mind. ‘I’m going to try something that will feel good but look rather unsettling, so don’t look back.’  
Steve felt a bare breeze brush his own manhood as the lips around it were opened wider. And then he was trembling in ecstasy as he felt his own cubes also go down into Herobrine’s open mouth. Somehow the god was holding and suckling all of his mate’s most vulnerable parts in his mouth at once, and the feel of lips around the base of both his rod and cubes was enough to overload him with sensation. He didn’t dare move his hips lest he yank his own jewels. So he focused on trying to get as much of Herobrine down his own gullet as possible. He felt the same kernel of panic that had seized him when he’d laid himself in the dragon’s mouth. But he never felt the touch of a tooth, only the soft rubbing of the god’s mouth as he was sucked. The miner came hard and heard Herobrine swallow it with a deep gulp. And then Steve tried his desperate best to make his master also come, because the griefer was not making any moves to let go of him.  
It was hard to concentrate with the gods thick, hot tongue laving over his twitching junk, but he managed it well enough to make his lover climax.  
Herobrine came too much, as he often did, and Steve found himself with much more then a mouthful and desperately coughing up the same thick goo that painted the lower half of his face.  
The griefer let go of him and Steve turned to look too soon. He yelped in alarm at the weird sight of his double with a mouth open as wide as an angry Enderman. Herobrine blushed, his mouth closing down to its normal size. “I told you not to look,” he said primly.  
Steve pulled out a wool square and a water bucket and wiped his mouth and face. His lover’s cum was sticky and he scrubbed in vain trying to get it off. “You seem a bit different Herobrine, how are you feeling?”  
“I feel good; very good. Like I’ve been stuffed into a little ball for so long that I forgot what it felt like to stretch myself out.” He opened his fingers to crack his knuckles and then let then let them lay back down into the fat square ends of his fists. He moved as smoothly as an ocelot on hands and knees and took a deep breath of Steve’s scent as he brushed his face against his double’s vulnerable belly. Steve froze, the hair standing on the back of his neck. Herobrine still wasn’t what he was when the seed was new, but he was more powerful now then his lover had ever seen him. He put his hands on the sides of Steve’s head and cleaned his own seed from his trembling mates face with a few sweeps of his tongue. Herobrine took another breath and his nostrils were briefly visible as slits on his face. “You smell like sex and you taste like me,” he purred. He kissed his double passionately, invading his mouth and making them both pant.  
To his own surprise Steve was getting hard again. The griefer insinuated himself into his lovers lap and wrapped his hands tightly around both their cocks. The miner moaned wantonly.  
“I feel like an animal today,” the griefer stated, “not hostile, but certainly untamed. And I think I want to mark my territory some more.” He let a ribbon of drool slither from his lips down between their dicks and then slid his hands smoothly up and down, masturbating them together. The human and the god bucked in tandem, thrusting wildly up against one another. The squeeze was nearly as hot and tight as either of their rears and Steve shot his load first; a little splash that landed on one of his mates hard nipples. He leaned over to clean it off and made his partner bite his lip from the sensation of a hot mouth on his single pixel nip. He felt the shudder against his hips and backed off just in time to not have his face splattered with Herobrine’s cum.  
The griefer let himself fall back on the bed with a gasp. He gave Steve the most lascivious look he’d ever seen. “I could paint your portrait just like that. You are glorious naked; my lamb, especially all gooey with my seed.”  
Steve chuckled good-naturedly. “That picture would definitely have to hang in the bedroom only.” He made a little hole in the floor and dumped his bucket of water in it. Taking out a sponge he scrubbed the sticky gunk off of his skin. “I think you just like making a mess.”  
“Haha,” Herobrine rolled on the bed laughing to himself. “I do love a good mess. But slime-balls are more fun then semen,” he wiggled his fingers, “all slippery and gross.”  
“I feel dirty just talking to you sometimes. But I’m glad you’re feeling better. It’s been a long hard road and it’s time to head back with our prize.”  
“Agreed,” Herobrine hopped off the bed and stuck the discarded cloth in Steve’s water block. He wiped himself off. “I want to get out of town so I can lay down some lava and clean up for real. I’d do it here but its bad form to set a rented house on fire.”  
He hit the trunk in the corner and pulled out their mutual clothes and armor. They helped one another kit up and went out into the larger room where the skeletons were waiting. Three smiling skulls turned their way, the undead knew what they were doing from the sounds, but as usual- they had no comment. Gold stood up first and gave Steve a respectful bow. They motioned to the outside and made a pleading gesture. Violet mimed dancing and Navy watched them both with a slightly embarrassed look.  
“Well…” Steve said. “I guess we could hang out for a few hours and join the party. Is that okay with you?”  
Herobrine grinned like a shark, “that’s fine. I want some red meat anyway.”  
The rest of the day was a swirl of music, dancing and the constant boom of fireworks. Herobrine talked a vendor into selling him some raw beef and he chewed on it happily while Steve danced with Gold and Violet. Navy went away briefly and came back with a half-stack of sugar. The god gave the undead a questioning look, and the skeleton mimed that it was a treat for the horses before handing it to him for safe-keeping. Then Steve returned, out of breath, with several Testificate children in tow. They seemed fascinated with his bony armor and kept jumping up to try and touch his chest-plate of spine and ribs.  
Herobrine grinned, “what’s with the tots?”  
One of the children noticed Herobrine and pointed a finger that made the others look in his direction. “Whoah! Mister, your outfit is so cool! Look at those eyes! Is that him? Are you Herobrine?!” The littlest one hid behind Steve’s shins. “Mommy says Herobrine is mean and eats bad little kids for dinner.”  
The god quickly wiped his bloody fingers on an inconspicuous area of his pants. He took out a glob of sugar and tossed it from hand to hand. “Your mom is wrong kiddo, I don’t eat people. But you should be good for her anyway; really bad things can happen to griefers.”  
Suddenly he had an idea, “wanna see a cool trick?” The kids nodded enthusiastically and he smiled even wider at Steve’s suddenly nervous expression. Herobrine pulled out a few more sugar globs and squeezed them together with an unnatural amount of heat and force for bare hands. He gave the resulting mass a small toss and jabbed at it from every direction with all of his fingers. His hands moved blindingly fast and the eyes of the village children just kept getting bigger. The mass was also getting bigger, it was as light as a cloud as he spun and pulled it outward. When it reached the size of a block he put it on the table next to him. He pulled off a chunk of it and it tore off in sticky little strands. He held it out, “it’s all sugar, so who’s gonna be first to try it?”  
The smallest one ventured bravely out from behind Steve and took the cloud of sugar from his hand. They took a huge bite and broke into an even bigger grin. And then, like freshly spawned silverfish; they swarmed the griefer and devoured the entire block of spun sugar.  
Herobrine sat back with a smile as the children cheered him before they milled back into the crowd to find their respective families. Once they’d vanished; Herobrine produced a chunk of sugar cloud from his inventory, he pulled it in half and offered a fluff to Steve. “Relax my sweet lamb. I said I’d be good and I meant it. I’m certainly not going to grief a bunch of innocent little kids anyway. It’s not exactly a challenge.”  
Steve bit into the confection and made a face. “Wow, that’s sweet. I feel like my back teeth are wiggling.”  
Herobrine rolled his part up in his tongue and let it melt. “Mmm, that’ll keep you bouncing on the bed all night. So I guess I probably just griefed their parents by extension. My bad.”  
Steve shook his head, “whatever shall I do with you?”  
Herobrine popped up from the bench, and took his double by the hand. He pulled Steve hard and the miner was nearly flung into his arms. The god threw an arm around the human’s waist and grabbed the edge of his ass. His mate gasped in shock but found his footing. Herobrine was right in his face, his eyes blazing as he grinned. “I think… you should dance with me!”  
It wasn’t long before the center of the dance floor was cleared for the lovers. They whirled and spun in the light of the bonfire, stepping on the occasional villager foot as they only had eyes for each other. Herobrine tossed Steve, dipping and turning him as if the burly miner were the smallest of women. And as the music reached a crescendo, the god whipped off his helmet. He let his short hair fly like a dramatic pennant and his eyes blaze like stars as he kissed Steve full on the mouth in front of everyone. There was a moment of surprised silence, and then the crowd roared in approval.  
‘I think they like us.’ Herobrine thought smugly at his mate.  
‘Pfft. Then we should leave on a good note while we can. The sun’s coming up now anyway.’


	38. Peaceful Flitters and Battle Frenzies

Steve looked at the map as they rode out of town. “If we go this way, it’ll take us a bit longer to get back, but we can avoid the town we came through the first time, as well as the high mountains and that bitchy witch’s swamp.”   
Herobrine sniffed the blue flower he’d picked out of someone’s garden and settled into the saddle. “I trust you to lead Steve, you have the map and humans seem to be pretty good at finding their ways in the wilderness.” He picked a few pixels off the flower and Steve realized belatedly that it wasn’t making any noise.   
“How are you doing that?” He asked, startled.   
“Oh, this? I was one of the things Jeb fixed. Pixelbind is what lets me take things apart without glitch breaking them and put them back together without a crafting table. No more irritating noise and no more binding with blood. Isn’t it great?” He smiled at the sky, his eyes blurry with emotion. “Watch this.”   
Deftly the griefer took the bit of broken flower and made a shape like a tiny bow tie from loose blue, green and white pixels. He pinched his own arm hard enough to make it bruise and a little round tear formed at the corner of one eye. He touched a finger to his face to gather the droplet and wiped it on the tiny shape. Herobrine held it flat in both hands and breathed warmly on it.   
There was hush over the hills like the world seed holding its breath and the teeny shape rose up from his hands. It bent at the middle and batted erratically in the air before finding a little draft to soar on. The minuscule creature circled Steve twice before landing softly on the top of China’s skull. The horse gave a hollow whinny, but made no move to shake it off.   
He turned back to the griefer who was smiling serenely. “I call them flitters, they seem to like hanging around the flowers I make them from. I may not be what I was, but Jeb gave me back the most useful pair of my old abilities.” He practically radiated happiness as he spoke, “I can make and break and bring my creations to life again!”  
A terrifying thought crossed Steve’s mind, “please don’t make any more people.”   
“I won’t. I’ve given up enough hearts for that goal already. But I want to create some new bugs and fish, and I’m definitely going to make more plants. I can’t see how that could get anyone seriously angry with me.”  
Steve turned the thought over in his mind; he couldn’t see a problem with it. There was no way the angel would restore Herobrine’s creative gift of life, and then expect him to never use it at all.   
The flitter lifted itself from the horse’s skull and made a winding circuit amidst the skeletons who watched it with curious awe. And then it was away like a leaf on the breeze as the travelers moved on. 

* * * * * * * * * * 

Avoiding the places they’d already been caused them to spend a lot of time picking their way along narrow beaches with high hills on the land side. Steve was leading China when he noticed a small, dark shadow up in the rocky slope. He pointed it out, “There’s something up there, let’s take a break so I can check it out.”  
Herobrine gave him a bored wave, the heat and light was making him sleepy and he was dozing in the saddle as Navy led his horse down the beach. “I’ll wait, but at least take Gold or Violet with you.”   
The human turned to the two undead warriors and watched them have a heated discussion consisting of gestures and the limited range of facial expressions a bare skull could create. Violet slumped and gave Gold a shove.   
Steve just shrugged it off; it was likely that the loser of the argument that had just occurred was the one who had to hang back. Gold saluted smartly and Steve headed up the hill with the dead in tow.   
Herobrine let himself down from Hellion’s back and lay down in the grass. It was a beautiful day with not a cloud in the sky. He heard the clonk-clonk of bones muffled by wool sweaters as Navy and Violet made themselves comfortable as well. He’d just started to doze off when a scream rent the air. The god bolted upright, scythe instantly in hand. Steve and Gold were tearing back down the hill, and he saw that Steve was limping along, as the skeleton helped him. He ran to his lover and checked him for injuries even as he hugged him.   
“It’s poison!” Steve spat in irritation. He flumped down on the ground and pulled out a potato. “Damn spiders.” He mumbled around his mouthful. “It’s just a little room, but there’s a dungeon in there with a spider spawner.”   
Herobrine pulled a face, “actually that sounds like just the thing I need.”  
“What? We have plenty of string and spider eyes at home.”  
“I was thinking more along the lines of a good fight.” The griefer cracked his knuckles and rolled his shoulders. He bounced on his flat feet for a moment and then licked his sharpened teeth. “You stay here, I’ll be right back.”   
Herobrine approached the little entrance knowing that he’d be beset the moment he left the light. He was itching to do something useful with his renewed energy levels. The spiders were clustered near the entrance and the only warning they received was a glint of light on diamonds and gold and two oblong white eyes that descended like death on the pernicious mob.   
The god found himself growling like an animal, all his pent up frustration over what had been done to him coming to the forefront; a sudden exultation of energy that resulted in sprays of spider blood and eyes. How dare they hurt his Steve? A spider jumped on his chest and he bit a chunk from its head without thinking and contemptuously spit it out. He fought his way through an ocean of legs and biting mouths to the burning cage at the center of the mass. The griefer used his obsidian blade to shatter the spawner like glass, and then turned to clear out the remaining arachnids. He felt poison fangs sink into his skin as he wrestled with three spiders; but his unnatural body drank their venom and came back for more.   
He grabbed the spiders and tore them limb from limb, throwing them everywhere in a bloody frenzy. Finally there were none left and he found himself standing in a sea of rapidly despawning carnage. He looked up at the only light coming from the doorway, and Steve was standing there with his sword drawn. His eyes were the size of saucers.   
Herobrine realized what he must look like, hunched like an animal with his elongated fangs, his free hand curled like claws and his bright armor all covered in blood and gore. He straightened up and put his weapon away.   
“Are you… okay?” Steve asked timidly.   
His reply was firm, “yes. I just really needed that. I didn’t realize how much energy had been taken from me until I got it back. I see now that I was tired most of the time, and now I feel so alive in comparison. And I’m not going to let a bunch of nasty spiders chew on my sweet little lamb.”   
Steve swallowed hard and the sound was far too loud in the quiet cave. Herobrine approached him slowly. “Hey… the last thing I want is for you to be legitimately afraid of me. I’m still the same Herobrine, and I still love you. I know I’ve always been a bit feral, it’s a side effect of being homeless and hunted for so long. But now that I’ve got my powers back, I don’t need so much help to shape-shift anymore. It’s kind of happening unconsciously according to my mood.”  
He touched Steve’s arm gently. “Talk to me, I can tell there’s something bothering you beyond this.”   
The human slumped a bit, putting his diamond sword away. His face was sheepish, “you’re just… so powerful and fierce… and I’m afraid you’ll get bored of me now that you don’t need me anymore.”   
Herobrine hissed in surprise, “oh… I would never, never, my sweet… My Steve…” The griefer seemed to shrink, a pale glow coated his form and slid away to reveal a white wolf with bloodstained fur in his place. The words came in from Steve’s hind-brain as the griefer no longer had a human tongue to speak with.   
‘You may think I’m your god, but I’m more like your dog.’ Herobrine rolled himself into a little ball of fluff and licked Steve’s diamond boots with long slow strokes. ‘I am whatever you need me to be, whenever you need it. You offered your flesh to the angel if I misbehave, and even if I did not love you with every pixel in my body; I would rather burn in the Nether for an eternity then betray that kind of loyalty.’  
Steve knelt down; he couldn’t help the smile that had settled on his face. He cuddled the bloody wolf, which wagged enthusiastically, his gyrating body getting red spatters everywhere. “Okay, that’s enough.” He said. “As much as I like animals, I’d rather hold you in your human form. Then I can kiss you without so much drool.”  
The wolf twisted and turned an ashy black as his form resolved back into its normal shape. The griefer lay in his lover’s arms with an unsure look on his face. “I’m sorry Steve. I know I’m weird, horrible and broken. But it doesn’t change the fact that the only thing I’m absolutely sure of in this world; is my love for you. You are literally my hearts and the keeper of my soul.”   
“I hope I’m worthy of the trust you put in me.”  
Herobrine ran a soft hand along the edge of his lover’s cheek, “so far, so good.”


	39. Rainy Day

A low groan from outside broke the lovers from the reverie; then the sound of first one and then several arrows hitting flesh. The light from the doorway was fading and what remained was blocked briefly as Violet and Gold pushed their horses through the narrow opening. Navy came in last, firing arrows at whatever was outside as they walked backwards behind the equine undead.   
Steve twisted his lip, “I guess the consensus is that we should block ourselves in for the night.”  
“Sounds fine to me, I’ll lay the torches, you get the door.”  
Steve put a double layer of cobbles over the opening and then turned back to the now merrily lit room. Herobrine had studded the walls and laid down two blocks of lava in the floor. The griefer whistled cheerfully as he washed first his gear and then himself of spider guts. “There are two trunks in the dungeon; perhaps you should see what’s in them while I put myself in order?”  
Herobrine kept talking as Steve walked into the little dungeon room. “I say we break out all those mossy cobbles and take them with us. They’d make a really pretty patio, don’t you think?”   
Steve laughed, “You just like it when things look damaged and overgrown. That why you put vines all over everything too.”  
“Pff. They make nice curtains, and you know it.”  
Violet giggled like someone deflating a balloon in short spurts.   
“Oh shush,” the miner admonished. He squeaked open the trunk.  
“So, find anything good?”   
“Iron ingots; that’s good… melon seeds okay… bread, wonder how that’s been in here? What’s a cheery tree?”  
“No clue, we’ll plant it when we get home. Hopefully it isn’t hallucinogenic with a name like that.”   
Steve continued, opening the second chest, “There’s some wood blocks, okay, an iron helm and… a bucket. Not sure that was worth getting my butt kicked, but not too shabby either. Hey Gold, you helped, do you want a new hat?” The yellow sweater-ed skeleton joined him, nodding vigorously. Gold bend over in respect and Steve took their leather cap and put the iron helmet on their head instead. Gold went back to the others with a joyous step.   
Herobrine let a mean little snicker slip out as Violet made a rude gesture at a now fuming Gold. Navy snorted and the griefer would swear he could see darker shadows roll like pupils in their black eye-sockets. The god lay back in the hot stone soup with a sigh.   
Steve sat down on the floor beside the divot. “Hey… you know that trick you did with the sugar?”  
“Yes, what about it? I have more sugar globs if you want me to make you some.”  
“No, thank you. I’m curious as to exactly how hot you can get something in your hands.”  
“Why Steven, I like that creative sparkle in your eyes. What is it you want me to do?”  
The miner blushed. He brandished the iron ingots from the trunk. “Can you stretch this out into a one pixel wire? Thin enough that I can bend it easy once it’s cold?”   
Herobrine stuck out a hand and Steve passed him an ingot. He squeezed it in his fist and Steve’s eyes widened as the metal quickly became the same molten color as the lava below it. The griefer picked at the corner of it until he had a nub isolated. Pinching it with his fingers, he pulled it out long. The human took the tiny end with trepidation, and then relaxed when it wasn’t even warm. It seemed to droop like a chain in his fingers.   
“Is that what you had in mind?”   
Steve pulled out his kitting needles, “yes it is.” 

* * * * * * * * * * 

The miner woke up slowly, feeling the soft crush of arms wrapped around him. He burrowed deeper into the warmth that encircled his body, nuzzling the flat plane of his face against the naked chest of his lover. Herobrine kissed him on the top of his head.   
"Ah, so you're finally awake."  
"What do you mean, finally? Were you just watching me sleep?"  
The griefer hesitated, "yes and no, I was mostly watching your dreams."  
Steve felt his face heat up as the god whispered into his mind.   
'I just love seeing that angelic face you make when you're asleep, and knowing that you're actually dreaming about me opening up your needy little hole with my fingers and tongue.'  
'You shouldn't tease me for wanting you. You know I love your attention.'  
'No teasing intended, god's honor. I'm flattered and I'll probably take you up on it as soon as there is an opportunity. But for now, we should get up. While I may need to take a nap now and again to reset my spawn points; you're the only one who actually requires a full nights rest. And your crew is waiting for orders.'   
Steve lifted himself slightly so he could peek over Herobrine's torso. He always felt bad about not making a bed for the skeletons while on the road, but he also understood that they didn't need it. If the undead had nothing to do, they would make themselves comfortable and lapse into an extremely relaxed state. So Steve had taken to carrying wool blocks for them to meditate on.   
Violet was flopped on top of theirs with limbs dangling while Navy perched with their spine ramrod straight and legs and arms folded. Gold had chosen to sit on the floor, and sat with their back to the squishy cube. Gold was watching the swirls in the small lava pool, but looked up with a smile when they felt Steve's eyes on them. He smiled back without a second thought, remembering wryly when the mere presence of the skeletal archers would have set his knees knocking in fear.   
"Ah, how things change." Herobrine said wistfully, as he skimmed the miner’s thoughts. Then he yelped as Steve impulsively licked his exposed nipple. The human popped out of bed with a giggle and Herobrine gave him an exasperated look. "Now who’s a tease?"   
“Not me, we have a date later, remember?”  
With a few swats of his hand, the miner removed a dirt block from the pile that closed off the cave entrance. "Aw, it's raining super hard out there."   
Herobrine climbed out of the bed, pulling on his shirt. "Really? I can't remember the last time I actually saw rain. Let me help." The god’s fists moved almost too fast to see, and when the loose pixels cleared, there was a good sized opening where the pile had been. He stuck his hand out from under the shelter of the ceiling, "Wow! That's cold!" He exclaimed; rushing back to tear the blanket from the bed and wrap it around his shoulders. "I love a good storm because it makes for a nice cloudy day, but that's freezing!"   
"Well, it won't last forever, and going out in it would be a good way to get sick; so let's just rest here a bit longer."  
"Fine by me." Herobrine's teeth chattered softly as he rolled up his pant legs. He pulled the blanket tight around him and stuck his chilly toes in his lava pool.   
The miner tapped his chin, "hey you got a lot of string from those spiders, how about letting me have a little?"   
Herobrine shrugged and tossed his mate a quarter stack of spider threads, "is that enough?"   
But Steve was already aggressively making a hole in the floor.   
"What are you doing my lamb?"   
"Making a dry path down to the water, so me and the crew can go fishing."


	40. Theres No Place Like Home Base

When Steve returned a few hours later with a stack of fish and Violet and Gold in tow, what awaited him stopped him dead in his tracks. He gasped at the beautiful sight; the small cave was full of multicolored flitters. They perched on every surface; including Navy, who seemed rather annoyed. Hellion and China had both lain down on the floor and the zombie horse’s mane was awash in tiny colorful wings. Herobrine was also lying on the floor with his feet still in the lava, delicately picking pixels off a yellow flower. He sent another fresh bug flying upwards on his breath like a geyser, and it flapped away to join the others.   
"Herobrine! They're so pretty!"   
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess so. I just like the way they move; makes the very air seem more alive."  
A terrific crash of thunder rocked the hillside, and the cave was flooded with unbearably white light for a fraction of a second. Steve ran to the opening to see where it had hit, but try as he might he couldn't find a patch of grass fire to match the bolt that had struck so closely. He backed away, "I don't like that, but maybe it hit in the water."  
"Perhaps, may I have some of your fish? I'll cook some for you as well."  
"Oh, sure," Steve tossed him the small stack of fish and then sat down opposite him with the tiny lava pool between them. He watched quietly as Herobrine pulled out his scythe and fried a fish on the flat of the curved blade before offering it to his mate. The god started another fish, holding the weapon over the lava; and with his free hand took a bite from one of the raw ones.   
"Yuck. Aren't you going to cook it first?"   
"Nah. It tastes interesting raw and it doesn't matter anyway."  
"Don't say that, there's no reason for you to mistreat your body."  
Herobrine blinked, and then he chuckled softly. "It's okay my lamb, I'm not punishing myself. What I eat really doesn’t matter, my guts are so hot I could eat rocks and be just fine. I'm sure my stomach is about the same temperature and acid level as this lava. I'm not being uncouth, just hungry and impatient. Besides, these are fresh, even if I was human it wouldn't make me sick." He offered Steve the half-fish. "Try a bite?"   
Steve accepted it with trepidation and took a small nibble of the fish before passing the rest back. "All yours, that's too cold and slimy for me."  
Herobrine's eyes narrowed mischievously. 'Save cold and slimy for the bedroom; got it.'  
Steve pulled out his kitting with a smile; 'Of course.' With deft fingers he worked the soft wire into the body of the garment he was creating. While he kitted with quiet snicks of metal, the skeletons noticed what their master was doing and made themselves comfortable near him to get a good view.   
"Have I told you lately how clever you are? I love the way you're leaving little gaps so it's flexible."  
"Thank you. I'm going to give it to Alex when we get back. It seems wrong not to give her at least one thing for watching our house for so long. She told me years ago that she likes the chain mail that the undead sometimes wear, but that clothing never appears as a drop. Armor is nice, but an archer needs something they can move in." Steve paused a moment, lost in thought. At his mention of Alex, Violet leaned in and Gold motioned for him to keep talking. "You know what? The first time I ever met her she was up a tree; just hanging out with some ocelots; like it was nothing. I still don’t know how she managed to get up there without using a block tower. But she was so surprised she mistook me for a zombie and hit me in the head with a rock." Navy sniggered quietly and there was a little thunk as Gold elbowed their fellow into silence.   
The griefer snorted. "That sounds like Alex. You should have seen her when she summoned me. She was decked out like a queen of battle; diamonds and iron and all enchanted. Glittering and fierce, her orange hair like a halo of flames in the light from the summoner. She put up a tremendous fight, possibly the hardest I've ever fought. Alex moves like lightning when she's in fear of her life. And her terror bought me some time in the world; I think it would have faded quite quickly if I hadn't walked away. Good thing I made enough of an impression for her to tell you about it."   
The god looked up at Steve's happy face and saw something that stopped him cold. With a shout, he teleported forward; his leg clipping Steve hard enough to knock him aside. He barreled into the zombie pigman that had been standing behind his lover with an upraised sword. Too panicked to even use his glitch, he wrenched the sword from the pigman's grip and sent it flying. The skeletons were advancing with drawn arrows but hesitated lest they hit Herobrine as he wrestled with the undead on the floor. Finally the griefer ended up on top and he battered the pigman's face with normal punches. He swore in Brineairy, tears flying from his eyes as his instincts took over. Finally the zombie dematerialized with a squeal and he thumped onto the floor. His shoulders shook and his chest heaved as he fought for air. The god curled on himself in a blind panic.  
Steve ran to him, encircling him with his arms. Herobrine rocked back and forth, muttering. After a long moment he seemed to calm down, his breathing returning to normal. He focused on Steve's worried face and held him tight. "I didn't think..." He said, his voice trembling, "that seeing one of those things again would affect me like that. But it made it all come back in a rush. I suddenly felt as though everything that's happened was just a beautiful dream and I'm always waiting for it to turn back into a nightmare."  
The human cuddled him close, "Its okay, you’re safe, just focus on that. You don’t ever have to go back to that terrible place again. Thank you for saving me Herobrine. It's partly my fault for not paying attention and sitting with my back to the opening. Thankfully I have my god to protect my stupid self." Steve’s grin was playful.   
Herobrine’s mouth was a flat line. “I hope you don’t think I’m weak for losing it like that.”  
The human’s expression turned sorrowful. “I would never think that of you. The Nether is terrifying. It’s been the death of me and claimed all my stuff three times already. I’ve never been more afraid then the time I got lost in that cavernous maze. I can’t even imagine how horrible it would be without even the hope of a portal that would get you home.” He gestured to the undead, “my crew tell no tales, and neither will I.”  
Outside the clouds finally broke away and shafts of sunlight lanced down into the open front of the cave. As one mass the flitters crowded into the sunbeam and sat moving their wings slowly. Steve pressed his lips to his lover’s cheek. “According to the map, we’re getting close to home; so we should probably be on our way.” 

* * * * * * * * * * 

The little group cut their way across a slice of desert and Herobrine’s heart soared at the sight of the ocean water to the side turning dark and brackish. He spurred Hellion into the water and snatched up a lone lily pad. The zombie horse was overheated anyway and pranced about in the shallow water; getting xyrself and their rider thoroughly wet.   
Steve was equally elated as the griefer waved the broad leaf like a small flag. Navy had been marching along in an even step that ate up the miles while Violet followed close behind, imitating their fellow for the quiet amusement of Gold. And now the three were moving more quickly, just as eager as the humans to return home.   
The sun was just touching the horizon as they made the final galloping run to the base of the tower. A familiar face flagged them down and they paused to collect a very excited Tang who had been patrolling the swamp for intruders. The skeletons clicked and clonked and hurried ahead of the riders to announce both the god and the adventurer’s triumphant return.   
As the night descended, Herobrine and Steve rode into the stables beneath the tower. They unsaddled the dead horses and made them comfortable. As Steve was giving Alex’s black horse Smudge a welcoming pat on the head; Alex herself ran down the stairs and tackled him. The archer gave Steve a hard enough hug to make him squeak in alarm and her release him.   
She advanced on Herobrine who watched her warily, and then gently pounced on him too; giving the griefer a welcoming hug so warm he blushed in embarrassment. She let him go and looked them both over appraisingly. Alex took a deep breath, “I was worried about you two dammit! You were gone for a really long time. But I’m so glad you’re both safe. So come upstairs and I’ll make some food while you clean up and you can tell me everything.”  
Herobrine wrapped his arm around Steve and gave him a little squeeze. The human brushed a happy tear from his eye and flicked it away.   
“It’s good to be home.”   
The pair made their way up the stairs and into the common room near the top of the tower. Herobrine flopped on the couch and Steve snuggled up next too him. The griefer petted his doubles hair and realized that his companion was swiftly falling asleep. He called for Alex as softly as he could manage and she poked her head up from the next landing down.   
“I think the food will have to wait, my lamb is exhausted and I just want to lay down in my own bed for the first time in far too long.”  
Alex smiled sweetly, “Do you need help getting him into bed?”   
“No, I can handle this.” As tenderly as he could, he lifted Steve as easily as a kitten and made his way down to their bedroom with a heavy tread. He undid his lover’s armor and placed him on the bed, before stripping and sitting down on the edge beside him. Steve watched him with heavy-lidded eyes, just on the verge of sleep.   
Herobrine let the darkness of the windowless room envelop him, his thoughts drifting easily in the dim light cast by the lava pool in the floor. In his mind’s eye he counted the blocks that made up their home, ran his fingers through the soil, and laid himself down in the earth. The god’s thinking slowed as the heat in the room made him sleepy, and then finally he also drifted off, snoring softly beside his lover.


	41. Double Penetration

Steve almost panicked when he woke up and found himself alone. He cast about the still-dark room and relaxed as Herobrine gave him a wave from the tub. The griefer was naked as a jay and smiling broadly as he floated halfway on the surface of the lava. He paddled with one hand and rotated slowly to face Steve. “Did you ever have a day when you just want to hide from the world?”  
“Yes,” Steve replied, “but you shouldn’t stay in the bath too long, you’ll get all prune-y.”   
“Ah, my Steve; full of piss and vinegar as usual. You should join me, on your own side of course. I was too tired to clean you up last night.”  
“You don’t have to do that,” Steve responded. “I’m a grown man. I can do it myself.” Steve pulled off his shirt and Herobrine sat up to watch him disrobe. He feigned indifference as the human cleaned himself thoroughly with a spongy block. Steve never heard the quiet splash of something slipping into the water side of the pool with him.   
“Hey Herobrine, have you seen my… Herobrine?” Steve looked around and the griefer was nowhere in sight. He had only a second to panic before his double burst like a shark from the water beside him, all sharp teeth and thrashing. Steve struggled wildly as he was pulled under and then pushed violently out of the water as Herobrine stood up underneath him. Steve went limp in the god’s upraised hands, “you’re such a bastard.”  
The griefer just laughed and put his naked double back down into the tub. “But I’m so good at it! Admit it; you’re extremely awake now, aren’t you?”  
“Well, YEAH. You almost gave me a hearts attack.”   
The griefer chuckled into his palm and crept stealthily towards the wary human. He leaned in with an evil grin and squeezed his hand to squirt his tense double with a tiny spurt of water. “Gotcha.”   
Annoyed, but still in good humor, Steve splashed him back; and before long the floor around them was covered with water as the two swatted waves of blue pixels at one another. Herobrine squared off with Steve and grabbed him in a bear hug; the miner struggled to no avail as the griefer walked him to the edge of the tub.   
“What are you doing?”   
His smile was just a bit evil, “I have a promise to keep.” He laid Steve down on his belly over the sponge block and let his feet dangle in the water. Herobrine laid his broad palms on the angles of Steve’s ass and spread his cheeks.   
Steve crooned as the griefer put his tongue down into the miner’s ravine. “You just like being a dream and a nightmare in equal measure.”   
The griefer shrugged, it was what he was best at. Then a naughty idea struck him, he focused on transforming just his tongue. Since being healed it was often forked anyway, so it wasn’t much of an effort to extend it.   
The miner writhed as the almost tentacle pushed him wider. “I don’t know what you’re doing, but it feels amazing.”   
‘I’m just making a bit more of myself, for you,’ was the silent reply in his mind.   
The human pushed himself back against Herobrine and was rewarded with warm hands cupping and kneading his sensitive cubes. He ground his throbbing rod against the soft sponge, trembling as he sought desperately for greater friction. The organ inside of him was twisting about, pressing insistently on his prostate and making him feel both hollow and almost painfully full. The words were foolish, but he couldn’t help himself. “Make me wider; I want as much of you as I can take.”  
The griefer's eyebrows made an attempt to hide in his hair, but he was happy to oblige his wanting lover. He focused on extending his tongue even more, letting it unroll from his fanged mouth like a long pink tentacle as he leaned backwards. He canted his hips upward and produced a slime-ball from his inventory. He held the miners jewels with one hand and used the other to slather his own rod with the thick gel.   
‘I hope you’re ready for this…’  
“Do it.” Steve gasped. “The worst that can happen is that I respawn across the room.” He rutted back against the griefer, “take me like an animal.”  
Herobrine pushed his fingers in around where his tongue delved into Steve’s rear, he pulled the other mans body wide and worked his dick in beside his tongue. Steve stuck his shaking hands out behind him and the god gathered his wrists in one hand. He pulled the helpless miner backwards onto himself, double penetrating him with cock and wriggling tongue. The cries that came from his lover’s lips were barely human as he felt himself stretch so widely, it was a sweet burning that penetrated all the way to his core. He was undone, insensate, just a thing for his lover to fill. He was restrained by his lord’s unholy strength and it only made his excitement more intense. And then the god started to move, battering his mind to dust; every thrust squishing the sponge underneath and washing warm water over his sweating body. Steve felt himself crying, he knew he was probably bleeding from the inside, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except for his lover filling his body with himself.  
Herobrine was getting nothing from Steve, the human’s mind was such a jumbled mess that there weren’t any coherent thoughts to be found. Though his doubles want to be filled was clear as glass. He turned some attention to his own anatomy and built up a nice glob to spray within the tight hole that enclosed his two most sensitive organs. Ribbons of drool ran from his forced open mouth and he struggled not to bite his own extended tongue with his sharpened teeth as he pummeled his lover. He felt the sweetest squeeze as Steve spit his own seed onto the sponge, and took it as a signal to bring on his own finish. With a heave of effort he forced the load out of himself and pumped Steve’s aching guts full of cum. The human bucked under the assault and it was a true effort to keep hold of his wrists as he thrashed.   
Herobrine winced as he tasted himself, his own tongue awash in the fishy-tasting semen he’d let loose in his lover’s bowels. With a grimace he pulled both appendages gently out of Steve’s body; letting his overlong tongue swish around in the water before returning it to the cavern of his mouth. He let go of the human, who was panting and shaking uncontrollably. His belly was near bloated with his lovers load, and he rolled over, clutching himself in discomfort.   
“Why does that agony also feel so good?” He whined. “I’m burned from the inside out, and I feel like I’m going to explode.” Steve managed to flip over entirely, and then came unexpectedly as the sponge quickly sucked away the sticky liquids that were dribbling from his innards. He flopped down flat and just focused on breathing as his bowels were emptied. Herobrine slumped down into the cool water, his own hearts were racing, but knowing his lover was unharmed allowed him to slow down and get himself under control as well.  
He sat down against the wall next to the sponge and watched Steve’s chest heave up and down. The god took the miners boneless hand in his own and traced a thumb across the diamond chip that glittered on his finger.   
Steve returned his grip, and a small, pain-filled moan escaped his lips. “I can’t even understand why I want you to do that to me, I can’t help it. It’s like I’m just an empty vessel and I want you to fill me with yourself. And then afterwards I feel like I ate my inventory and everything hurts.”   
“I think you just want to connect with me any way you can.” Herobrine said sweetly, “and the feeling is mutual. You were made with parts of me; perhaps that inspires you to try to merge with me in some fashion. And you say you don’t know, but I can see your subconscious thoughts and it’s all very clear to me. I can see this distinctly because it made you angry, but you took offense when Jeb referred to me as if I were some kind of thing, rather then a person. But Jeb is right; I am a creature, a shapeless nightmare given flesh. But for you I can be a man, because while you know the truth, you still don’t treat the situation that way. You see the good in everyone and try your hardest to bring it into the light. The mobs are just odd people to you, and it hurts you when they don’t see the good in you as well.”   
Steve faced the musing griefer, hypnotized by his sage words and the play of his eye-shine on the ripples in the water.   
“The truth is,” he continued, “you seem to love me just as much when I am a man as you do when I’m a monster. And you see yourself as my prey; but you want to be captured. Taken and marked with my stench so everyone knows you belong to someone powerful. But I can’t own you Steven, you’re so much stronger then you realize. I would sooner shatter a cache of diamonds then quench the pure light in you with my darkness. We can play whatever games you like, but in my eyes, we are equal.”   
Steve was overcome with emotion and let himself slip off the sponge back into the tub. He crawled on his knees in the shallow water and pressed himself into his god’s waiting arms.   
Herobrine whispered to him as Steve snuggled into his bare chest. “No matter what I am from moment to moment, all of me; loves all of you.”


	42. The Lazy Beast

The kitchen was a sea of knowing smiles when the lovers finally emerged from their shared room. Alex could barely contain her gale of giggles as she passed them each a coffee bottle. Karen butted herself against them each in turn and purred up a storm as she was rewarded with head scratches. Cyan gave Steve a sweeping bow and smiled shyly when asked if they had been taking good care of Alex.   
Herobrine cleared his throat, “not to usurp Steve’s authority, but I’d like to declare a day off. You’re all relieved of duty, hang out with us, or go play someplace.”   
There was some activity amidst the undead and Steve watched as they communicated in taps and expressions. The end result seemed to be that Cyan would happily stay and listen and the others could go play. Then Cyan would fill the rest of them in later on what was said.   
They all ate breakfast with quiet gusto and then retired to the common room to talk. Alex sat enraptured as Steve told the tale of Escar and Godot and the escalating lie that led to Herobrine simply declaring Steve his high priest and visiting his godly miracle of irresistible love upon the recalcitrant villagers. They spoke of the witch and Steve let the god himself tell of his plea to Jeb and the horrors of his former home. They shared the secret of their hearts and Herobrine’s sacrifice and resurrection; the revelation of Jeb’s repairs and the long walk home.   
Steve finished with a sigh. “I’m so happy just to be home, it felt like we were gone for years. So what did we miss here? I imagine things have been pretty quiet.”  
Alex looked sheepish. “Well… it’s complicated.” She spread her arms as she explained. “I knew about your decree because pilgrims started showing up at the summoner and sub-sequentially getting lost in the swamp. Tang would bring them to me, I’d yell at them and they’d leave. But you told the Testificates to stay out of the swamp, you didn’t tell them they couldn’t settle on the plains at the edge of it.”  
Herobrine felt a tight sensation growing in his chest.  
Alex continued, “some of the mal pairs still didn’t feel safe even after the rules were changed, so they’ve essentially built a mostly mal village around your summoner. Periodically one of them comes here to ask if you’ve come home yet. I think they want to declare you their king.”  
The god felt himself getting a headache and Steve rubbed his shoulder supportively. Herobrine flopped back on the couch. “That makes me want to crawl into a really deep hole and hide from everyone. It really does. I just wanted to do something good for a change. I do not want to be king to a bunch of Testificates.”   
Steve tapped his chin, “well if they consider me your high priest, maybe I can help. At the least I can fend off all the really stupid questions they’re sure to bombard you with.”  
“Good, please, do that. I would be eternally grateful if my sweet lamb were also my liaison to the masses. I don’t want this responsibility at all.” The griefer slumped miserably on the couch. “I guess that’s one of the few perks of being a totally evil bastard; no one ever expects you to drop everything and do them favors.” He smiled sarcastically and noticed Alex was watching his face with a look of horror.   
“You, um…” she gestured at her mouth. “That doesn’t look good.”   
Steve leaned in front of him, “you’re looking a bit feral, I presume it’s just because you’re stressed?”   
The archer looked concerned, “is that normal? Or something to do with your glitch? It looks pretty ferocious.”   
Herobrine sighed, “It has to do with Jeb patching me. One of my original powers was shape-shifting, all the better to scare players I guess. And now I don’t need to lead Steve in a hallucination in order to change, so it’s just happening randomly with my mood.”  
Steve gestured with a thumb, “his tongue forks when he talks dirty to me now.”  
“So… what do you look like if you just let it keep changing you?” Alex asked.   
The god stopped, “I… don’t know. I just feel more like an animal when it happens.” He gestured at himself, “as far as I’m concerned, this is me. This is my comfortable, original form. Shape-shifting is just a parlor trick.” The griefer slipped off his shoes and the tattered hems of his pants spilled behind his heels as he pulled his feet onto the couch. He laid sideways and rested his head on Steve’s shoulder. And the miner moved to let Herobrine lean into his lap. ‘You should give Alex her present.’  
“Oh!” Steve exclaimed aloud, “I have something special for you. Kitted it myself.” He flipped his inventory to the long mail shirt and passed it to Alex.   
“Oh Steve…” She pulled it over her tunic, looking at the toothy pattern at the bottom edge that hung below her waist. Alex stood and moved around; marveling at how the supple chains adjusted to her every pose.   
“It’s wonderful! Thank you so much!”  
Steve beamed, “Herobrine helped. He made the wire for me.”   
“You’re both wonderful then. I love it.”   
“Ironically,” Herobrine replied, “we’re probably all safer here and now then we’ve ever been in the past. Hopefully you’ll hardly need it.”  
Steve directed some soft thoughts down to his cradled lover. ‘I’m so grateful for that; especially when you feel safe enough to go without your armor or even shoes. I love the feel of you curled up soft in my arms with nothing but a little rumpled fabric between us.’  
Alex gave them a questioning look, “you two look rather intense, you’re not talking around me, are you?”   
The griefer’s eyes were slitted and almost sleepy. “Don’t take it personally Alex. Steve just prefers to whisper his sweet nothings where only I can hear them.” The rough miner blushed shyly as the god continued to speak. “It’s a habit we picked up from being on the road and in places where we didn’t have any real privacy. And since my recovery it’s been easier then ever to hold full conversations in total silence.”  
Alex sat back, “you know, I used to think Steve was taking a terrible risk trusting you like he does. But I owe you both an apology; both of you are closer then than two silverfish in a block. I can’t imagine either of you being any happier with anyone else. I’m sorry.”  
“Apology accepted,” the god replied.   
“Same here,” Steve carded his fingers through Herobrine’s hair and felt the rumble as he hummed happily in response. He looked down and had only a moments warning as the griefer's eyes sparkled with mischief. Steve lifted his hands as Herobrine dissolved into mist underneath them. The fog swirled for a moment and then resolved itself into the form of a blue-gray cat with glowing white eyes.   
Alex stared in wonder, “wow…”  
The miner just grinned, “He’s good, isn’t he?” Steve addressed the purring beast that had clambered completely into the well of his lap. “That’s a good choice for you. Cats are their own things even when they love a human. And always full of little tricks and surprises.” Then he squeaked in discomfort as the cat kneaded him gently with sharp claws. The voice in his mind was so smooth it was almost oily. ‘You know me so well my lamb; I hope you didn’t plan on getting up any time soon.’   
‘Oh come on, surely you have better things to do today then sleep.’  
“What’s he telling you?”  
“He’s letting me know that he’s going to be a lazy little beast today and not let me up off the couch for a while.”  
“Is that so?” Alex asked, “Then I guess he’s just going to miss out on the nice cake I made.”  
The cat’s tail twitched a bit.  
“…And the round of fresh coffee I have perking on the brewing stand.”  
The cat opened one eye and then stretched unhurriedly; he hopped down to the floor and wound his way in a figure eight around the archer’s ankles. Then he walked to the center of the rug and unfolded himself back into a human form. The god gave a long yawn, showing the fangs that had remained from the cat shape. Herobrine slouched slightly, “Okay, I’m up, but that wasn’t fair at all.”   
The archer gave him a satisfied smirk. “Coming from you, that's kind of a compliment.”   
Steve slid off the couch and sat on the floor next to his double. “Why are you so tired anyway?”  
Herobrine let himself flop back flat on the rug, “latent guilt from avoiding inevitable responsibilities? I’d rather set myself on fire for a while then deal with a public appearance right now. But I know they’ll just come looking for me if I hide. Alex said so herself. Maybe I should just get it over with and see what the hell they want from me. It’s terrible, but I think I preferred being a nightmare to being in charge.” He heard the quiet sound of Steve’s mouth opening and leaped to reassure him. “It’s alright my lamb; I’m not going to do anything. I’m just being a big grumpy bastard who hates feeling like an adult.”   
Alex walked over to where the griefer was laying and offered him a hand up. He took it reluctantly and let Alex pull him to his feet. He wiggled his toes in the soft carpet and showed her a hint of teeth. “I don’t even want to put my shoes back on. I feel like a horse that finally got to take its saddle off.”  
“Maybe you shouldn’t,” Alex answered, “ have some cake and coffee, go take a walk in the garden and think about what you want to say. We’ll be ready when you are.” Steve nodded and Herobrine shuffled down the steps to the kitchen.   
Steve turned to Alex, “so how have you been? We didn’t have much of a chance to talk and it’s been a while. I hope you weren’t too lonely in this big house with just the mobs to talk at.”  
The archer settled down on the chair and brushed her long orange hair back from her face. “You know me Steve; I’m perfectly okay not speaking to anyone for months at a time. And Cyan and Tang are surprisingly articulate once you get used to their weird pantomimes. I’ve gotten really good at charades if you ever want to play. I have my cats and my horse, I’m good. I’ve also done some new paintings and I’ll show you next time we’re downstairs. I even made myself a little rec room under the stables because I’ve been learning to play noteblocks. That’s why you can’t hear the cats up here. They’re all in it and I filled it with wool furniture to muffle the noise because I know it bugs you. But I am looking forward to you two being around on a regular basis. I have some ideas for new items and I’ll probably need the grumpy griefers help to work around the normal limitations of the crafting table.”  
“Well, he’ll help you if you ask. He’s endlessly creative.” Steve gave her a wry grin. “Especially if you offer him something sugary or raw fresh meat, his diet has gotten rather eclectic since Jeb patched him. Apparently he’s so hot inside he can eat damn near anything, so it’s been more for flavor then nutrition.”   
Alex folded her fingers in thought. “So what about you, Steve, how have you been? You seem a lot happier.”   
“I am. Though my,” he coughed meaningfully, “horizons… have been expanded in more ways then one. Herobrine is all about the forbidden fruit, and likes nothing more then to turn me into a shivering, gaping mess begging for release. But weirdly it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. I found out almost by accident that he could basically take my soul and turn me into a mindless slave. But he won’t do it; even when I offered to let him.”   
Alex blanched, “that’s terrifying. Why would you…?”   
He shrugged, “love makes you do dumb, impulsive things in the heat of passion. Besides, I was made with parts of him, I can’t help but want him inside of me any way I can handle it; and since he can twist his body into almost anything, that’s a lot of ways.” Steve scooted closer, looking up at Alex from the floor. “I’m sure you heard the commotion this morning,” he said heatedly.   
She colored slightly, shaking her head yes.  
“That was me wailing because I had both a cock and a tongue in the same hole.” He bit his lip and pulled his shirt taut to cover his tented pants.   
Alex laughed so hard she shook. She turned to the skeleton and asked Cyan sweetly to leave them alone so they could talk privately. They shrugged and shut the door quietly behind them.   
“You know,” Alex said heatedly, “I took some pictures of the play session between you two I witnessed when you first met. I’d be happy to give them to you.”   
Steve groaned lowly. “Yes please. I know it’s not your thing, but he’s a drug and I am hopelessly addicted. I feel like my existence was just endless dull gray stone and he came along and sprinkled everything with diamonds.”  
“That sounds like a perfect description of being in love with someone. So how about we give him some extra space up here and I’ll show you what I’ve been working on in the basement?”


	43. Feeling Touchie

Steve heard the cats before Alex even opened the door. “I’ll keep this short because I know the noise bugs you, but I have something really interesting you should see.”  
The miner looked around the room Alex had dug under the stables, it was startlingly white, the bright wool walls contrasting with the colorful artwork she’d hung here and there. The floor was covered with furniture, rugs and seated cats all in several mismatched colors. He watched as Alex clambered into the open center of a circle of eight note-blocks and stretched her skinny fingers.   
The moment her hand hit the blocks the cats all went silent and turned to watch her. She beat out a martial tune, hard and sharp as she spun in place. Then she stretched the notes out slower and softer, until it dissolved into a quiet melody that filled the space like warm sunlight. Alex let the music fade, and her breathing from the exertion return to normal.   
Steve had only a moment to give her applause before the cats resumed their meowing. “That was amazing! Did you write that?”  
Alex levered herself out of the central space, “yes actually.” She smiled shyly, “I’m glad you like it. The cats like for me to play anything, so I never know if it would appeal to anyone else.”   
“No, that was excellent, all the more so for being self-taught.”   
Alex moved Steve gently aside to get at the trunk behind him; she rooted around for a moment and produced a few bits of paper with screenshots. “Here, it’s not right for me to keep these anyway. And I think Herobrine would be angry if anyone else had evidence of him looking so vulnerable.”  
Steve accepted the pictures and looked them over. He bit his lip. It was his own god, still dark from the Nether, debased and bleeding, blindfolded, and purple with bruises. They showed Steve looking evil as he used a stick to beat the griefer who was down on his hands and knees. He could clearly make out Herobrine’s wide mouth as he wailed in pain while Steve pushed a slime-ball into his ass. And then there was one of Steve forcing himself into the submissive god. Because of the angle he hadn’t seen Herobrine’s anguished face while he was violated, his knuckles white as he gripped the bed-sheets. The human’s hands shook. Steve walked out into the stables where it was quieter. Alex followed without a word.   
“He told us both, but I still didn’t understand how important it was to him, what he was willing to give just to be free. I would destroy these, but he’d still know they once existed. I can’t keep secrets from him. I’ll just give them to him and let him decide.”   
Alex put a hand on Steve’s shoulder, she could tell how shaken he was. “It was a bad situation and both of you did regrettable things. Don’t let it harm what you’ve built in the meantime. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just didn’t want to keep or destroy something like that without asking you first. They may be bad moments, but they were yours and they’ll also never happen again.”   
“Yeah,” Steve said quietly, putting the pictures in his inventory. “I’m going to go check on him. Alone, if you don’t mind.” 

* * * * * * * * * * 

Steve had been preparing what he was going to say to his double but all thoughts fled as he emerged into the garden terrace. A swarm of tiny things noticed his presence and were speeding right for him. He raised his hands to defend himself, but Herobrine teleported behind him. Grabbing his wrists and keeping him still.   
“Its okay, it’s okay,” Herobrine chanted. “You’re not going to get hurt, just stay still.”  
Steve sweated out his terror as the insects crawled all over his clothing. His skin prickled as a few of the yellow and black bugs landed on and then took off from his face.   
“They’ll only hurt you if you swat at them, just hold still a little longer.”  
“What are they?” Steve whispered through clenched teeth.   
Then as one group, all the little bugs made a slow swirl around the pair, gathering their strays, and flew off towards the carrot patch.   
Herobrine patted his lovers shoulder and came around in front of him. “See, all better. I’m going to call them touchies. I had the idea while we were on the road, but I didn’t have the right colored wool on me at the time.” He gestured expansively at the garden around them. “You know how the things you plant don’t grow unless you stay nearby? The touchies simulate the presence and touch of a player. So the more they buzz around the plants and land on them; the quicker things grow and the bigger the yield. They just mistook my sweet-smelling lamb for a big blue flower.” He walked around a bush beside them and gestured Steve to follow.   
“They must be blind to make a mistake like that,” Steve muttered.   
Herobrine just chuckled at his complaining, and gestured to the unusual block he’d created. The block was made of oak planks with a round hole at the bottom front. “They like to hide and, I guess sleep, in a cluster. So I made them a special touchie block for a home. Once I get an idea of what they’re capable of I’ll probably make a hole in the wall so they can come and go from the garden freely.”  
Steve scratched at his skin; he could still feel the brush of tiny fuzzy feet. “You said something about getting hurt.”   
“Oh yes, they’re also touchy in the literal sense. If you swat at them, the individual touchies can deliver quite a pinch with their front two pixels. It’s pretty painful if a bunch of them are all angry at once. So hands off the touchie block.”   
“Why such a wicked defense for something so small?”  
“It’ll keep other animals from disturbing their sleeping block. But I know just the thing to give you a demonstration of what they can really do. Do you still have that weird sapling you found in the dungeon?”   
Steve patted his inventory and sorted through it. He passed the small tree to Herobrine, who planted it next to a bench. The griefer stood back with his hands on his hips and made a shushing motion to Steve. The hum in the air quickly got louder as the droning swarm returned to investigate the small plant. They swirled around it like a cyclone, repeatedly landing on it and flying away. And then the tree popped, it expanded so fast Steve was scrambling to not get caught in the lower leaf blocks.   
Herobrine gave a triumphant bark of laughter. “See? Now we don’t need to collect bone-meal ever again either.”   
The touchies made a final pass and then floated off in the direction of the pumpkin patch. Steve marveled at the new plant. “Those are the most festive leaf blocks I’ve ever seen.”  
Herobrine reached up and swatted at one of the red and green blocks and it littered the ground with fat red clusters of pixels. The griefer picked one up; it was squishy in his thick fingers. “Well… since I can’t be poisoned, it’s probably best for me to be the first.”   
Steve swallowed thickly and watched him with concern as he popped the berry in his mouth.   
Herobrine rolled the tiny object around with his tongue, and after a long moment of deliberation, he spit out a single black pixel. “Thankfully I don’t feel sick; or any cheerier so I guess it’s just normal food. Watch out for the seed in the middle though, it’s rather hard.” He smiled and his lips were stained slightly red with the juice. “Damn good otherwise. You should try some.”   
Steve sidled up close to him and the god gave him a questioning look. “Don’t mind if I do.” And then Herobrine swooned slightly as the human pressed his lips to the gods and licked the juice from his skin. He returned his mates gusto with a pair of grabby hands that lifted Steve slightly from the grass. Forcing him to lean into the griefer's kiss to avoid toppling backwards. The god explored his doubles mouth with the sensitive forked tips of his tongue, and then moved down to push Steve’s shirt up to his shoulders. The miner’s nipples were already stiff, and Herobrine lapped insistently on one of the nubby pixels whilst rubbing the other in slow circles with his thumb.   
He directed the river of his thoughts to flow into Steve so he could whisper even with a mouth full of his lovers flesh. “You are so beautiful, you don’t even know; you’re like an angel yourself with those limpid blue eyes. So pure and sweet, I just want to clean every pixel of you with my mouth. I’d even lick your feet, just because I love the taste, and smell and feel of you. My glory, my lamb, my precious, beloved Steve.”   
A sudden commotion on the steps snapped them both back to reality and Herobrine turned baleful eyes on the intruder. Tang was lying on the floor in a heap and Alex was on top of them. The archer rubbed her bruised arms. “I’m sorry Tang, why did you stop short like that?” The skeleton pointed a finger and directed Alex’s gaze to the two men on the bench. Steve’s face was pink with want as he lay limp in Herobrine’s grip. The god had pulled up the human’s shirt and was using an overlong and reptilian tongue to bathe his mate’s vulnerable belly and nipples.   
“Oh.” She said, “sorry guys. I didn’t want to interrupt you, but it’s pretty important. We got a runner from the village. There’s a small army advancing over the plains and headed this way. They’ll reach the village long before they get here, but we don’t have a lot of time.”   
Herobrine sighed. “I guess I have to face the music sometime, and defending them from a threat is a pretty decent way to introduce myself. “Sorry, my lamb.” He let Steve gently down, and held him for a moment until his balance returned. “We’ll have time to play later.”   
Steve shivered. “I’ll be counting the moments until then.”   
Herobrine walked to the wall and punched a hole in it; then he looked out over the landscape. Straining his eyes he could see the faint brown mass on the far plains. “All right, let’s go. Steve, you saddle the horses and I’ll grab your armor and mine from the bedroom. Alex, you round up all the skeletons, everyone goes except Cyan. Someone has to stay here and signal if they try to ambush us from our own base. And Cyan has the least battle experience anyway, better they stay and protect Karen so she doesn’t follow us.”   
The humans ran to do as he bid and Herobrine followed them down the stairs, it was a matter of moments before he was buckling Steve’s armor and they were away into the swamp.   
Karen woke from her nap in the long stalks of wheat to a droning noise. She rolled over in the sunshine and a swarm of bugs hovered over her briefly before escaping through the hole the careless god had made in the wall.   
Only once the sound had ceased, did the creeper close her black on black eyes and let the warm light lull her back to sleep.


	44. Rage of the Herobeast

The Testificates mobbed the small group far before they ever reached the edge of town. Herobrine tried not to smile hearing his name from so many lips. And they called for Steve as well, and a name they did not recognize. Alex colored at its mention. Steve turned to her, “Alexsezia?”  
“Shut up,” she said crossly.  
Herobrine led them through town and up a short rise where he could see the leading edge of the invading force. There were already a handful of nervous Testificates lurking in the bushes with bows and spears. Belatedly he noticed they were all pairs and some held hands as they watched the army advance. “Is anyone in charge?” He asked.   
An elderly pair stepped up. “I and my mate are jointly. I am Hollandaise and this is Roulade. Lord Herobrine, may I say what an honor it is to have you here amongst us…”  
The griefer waved his words away like so many gnats. “First off Holly, I’m not lord anything. Secondly I’m more concerned with making sure you folks aren’t massacred then dealing in pleasant blandishments. So have they issued any demands?”   
The Testificate prickled a little, but realized the gravity of the situation when those glowing eyes were turned fully upon their own. “Yes… sir. They did send a runner ahead. They want you and your mate to give up your meddling in Testificate affairs and renounce your own religion. Personally I think they just want to prove that you’re not invincible, and thus they don’t have to accede to your demands… sir. They say; if you won’t comply, they intend to destroy this village as an example of what happens when people challenge long-held taboos.”   
Herobrine looked down at the pair from his horse and Steve could tell he was seeing someone else in their places. “Well,” he said evenly. “If I have my lamb’s permission; I think I’ll kill them.”   
Steve blanched, “I think it will be all right. Surely Jeb won’t punish me because you shed blood defending a bunch of helpless villagers from their oppressors. It can’t be evil to protect the weak.”   
Alex looked at the odds amassed against them. “Chances are good that if Herobrine doesn’t fight, we’re all going to die anyway. So let’s fret about the morality later, okay?”   
Steve turned his bony horse and trotted alongside his skeleton crew. “I love you guys,” he said to them softly. “Just fire from the hill and stay out of sword range. I don’t want any of you getting hurt.” His answer was a clatter of bones in unison. As one they drew their weapons and fired high as if they would hit the sun. The humans and Testificates alike watched in awe as the arrows arced up and up and vanished into the clouds above. There was a moment of tense silence, and then for each of the four arrows fired there was an echoing thud of point into flesh and an answering death scream from the mob that suddenly broke ranks to run full force toward the hill.   
Herobrine raised his voice, brandished his scythe and delivered the most sarcastic battle speech in the history of Minecraftia. “Come forth villagers and warriors alike, it’s time to send these loveless bastards back to their last beds like the whining crybabies they are!”   
Alex drew her own shining bow and led the archers in shooting the advancing enemies. Her aim was deadly and many a foe fell with a quivering arrow through their eye before vanishing back from whence they came. Around them rushed the pairs of Testificates, most of them fighting as though they were one person in two bodies. Surrounding a foe and battering them from both sides with shovels and swords until they fell and vanished.   
Herobrine galloped into the heart of the battle, taking heads with his sickle blade. Hellion pranced excitedly; as the Testificates jabbed at the zombie horse with spears. But most didn’t get close enough to make a scratch. The god gestured here and there, blasting apart clusters of enemies with stray lighting from the sky. He laughed cruelly as the rival villagers were blown upward and smashed like overfull sacks into the ground.   
The tides of battle drove the lovers apart and Steve panicked slightly when he saw how far the griefer’s horse had traveled into the mob of fighting Testificates. He hacked away with his sword and was once again grateful that China had no flesh that could be cut or stabbed. A lifetime of fighting monsters made this battle seem easy in comparison.  
He didn’t see the witch until it was too late.   
The poisonous splash potion broke over his head and doused his hearts in putrid yellow. His vision swam and he fell from China’s back onto the cold dirt.   
Herobrine heard him go down as loudly as a funerary bell despite the din all around him. He looked in time to see the witch throwing a second potion onto the helpless human to take the last of his health away.  
Hellion danced under him as the griefer turned red hot with rage. Herobrine teleported down and gave the horse a smack that sent it galloping after China towards where Alex and the archers were ensconced. The god seemed to grow as he batted combatants out of his way, the mal pairs knew enough to flee from him, but their enemies were foolish enough to stand their ground.   
Steve saw Herobrine running too him as his vision went red and blurry; he reached out a hand and just brushed the gods fingertips as his body expired. The bubble of his inventory popped, spraying items everywhere, and the god shrieked in fury, clawing at the ground with his fingers. He howled like an animal, enraged by the death of his life-mate. Steve’s things flipped into his own inner spaces, as the griefer’s mind slipped into a distant cul-de-sac of his cranium.   
Herobrine swelled, his shoulders stretching the soft metal of his armor, his fingers pointed into hard black claws and his teeth fought to escape the confines of his lips as he panted in rage and emotional pain. White fire spread from his eyes and rose up behind him like hackles. His blind white gaze fell on the witch and he moved, at first with glacial slowness, and then rising speed like an avalanche toward the spell-caster that had robbed him of his lover’s presence. A wall of Testificate spears was raised between him and the witch and he swept it away like so many loose torches. His claws were so hot that even those barely grazed shrieked at a pain that burned like a splash from a lava pool.   
The witch stood their ground and showered the advancing griefer with broken glass, poison and potions of weakness. But the noxious fluids slipped off the angry god like a scattering of sand, and he even caught one bottle in his teeth and crunched down on it. He spit the now molten glass back at the witch. The mage ran from him in terror, knocking aside their own fellows in their break to escape the Lord of Tears. The runny glass was hot enough to pierce their robes and the witch screamed in pain. Herobrine made to close the gap between them, but there was a sudden whoosh of air that swept his prey out of reach.   
The touchies lifted the spell-caster, jabbing and pinching every drop of health from the murderous magic-user. As Herobrine reached the dying witch, they also popped, ejecting loot in every direction. The touchies made a quick loop around the god and scattered away into the sky.  
The griefer stopped in the middle of the sea of floating items, and they flowed into his spaces as he fought to breathe under the gaze of hundreds of eyes. With nothing to take his anger out on, it was forced to burn away against his skin like a pure white pyre. Suddenly he realized the depths of the silence around him. The battle had stopped entirely, and friends and foes alike were frozen like terrified rabbits all around his burning form.   
Herobrine realized how terrible he must look, His back was curled over with bulging lumps of muscle, his fingers twisted into black claws, mismatched teeth jutted from his unhinged mouth, and a halo of white fire ebbed and flowed over his hideous form.   
The Testificates were all horrified, and even Alex watched him intently from the hill, half afraid he’d finally lost control of himself.  
In all his years of griefing he’d never felt truly ashamed of his actions, only regret that he’d been caught and punished. And now that shame broke all at once and crushed him like a great wave. He felt exposed in all his inhumanity. To Steve he could be a man, but only a monster to all others; an unpredictable thing of feverish nightmares.   
Herobrine felt like he was sinking, too overwhelmed to even change back.   
Then there was a commotion from the village side of the crowd, someone pushing through the mass of stunned Testificates. Steve burst from the crowd carrying nothing but a stone sword. The miner saw the frightening tableau and tossed the weapon in the dirt. He raced to his mate’s side, putting his hands in the white fire without hesitation.   
But even wracked with glitches, Herobrine’s body made way for his lover, and the astral flames did not harm the human, who wrapped his arms around as much of the mangled god as he could encircle.   
“I’m here, I’m safe, and it’s okay. I know you’re angry, but you can let it dissipate just as easily.” Steve locked eyes with the Herobeast, squinting at the light. “Just breathe with me.”   
Herobrine took the sweetest lungful of oxygen he’d ever tasted and felt all his anger fade as his lamb welcomed him into their shared thoughts. His spine uncurled with painful snaps and groans and his fingers made themselves small and soft again. The gods jaw slid back into place with a click and the alien teeth receded into his malleable skull. Herobrine let himself sink into his lover's warm embrace.   
He let his thoughts flow into their shared mind. ‘Thank you Steve, I don’t think I could exist without you anymore. I saw you die and I just... went mad.’   
The human nuzzled him lovingly, ‘you saw what I did when you got hurt. I feel the same way about you. But I think we have a more immediate problem. You should be the one to tell them off since they’re all afraid of you now.’   
‘You’re right, as always. I’ll show you my gratitude properly when we can be alone.’ Herobrine waved a hand and put his bent chest-plate into his inventory. He stood up, sweeping Steve into his arms like a bride. The Testificates were restless now, their enemies toying with weapons and looking here and there as if to start the battle anew.   
“I tire of this infantile game,” Herobrine shouted haughtily. “I will give you all one chance to end this. Turn over your leader for questioning and leave now. Or suffer my wrath.” He looked around for a moment and no one moved. “The hard way it is,” he said with finality.   
‘Hold on tight’ he thought at Steve, who wrapped his arms around the griefer’s neck.  
Herobrine put all of his irritation into his feet and stomped on the seed below him with all the weight of the Nether. The world itself shook like a slime-block, and everyone but him was thrown violently into the dirt.   
“Do I need to repeat myself?” He asked conversationally.   
The opposing army turned and fled, dragging their wounded with them. Herobrine watched them go with satisfaction. Steve laid a sweet kiss on his cheek and he was glad his helm hid the creeping blush on his face. The miner kicked his dangling feet gently. “Aren’t you going to put me down?”   
“Nope,” and, with that, Herobrine set off up the hill to where Alex and the skeletons were cheering.


	45. Winds of Change

The griefer watched as the blacksmith fixed his golden chest-plate on their anvil. Steve stood quietly with him, their hands clasped between them. A young villager ran up to them and spoke, “Herobrine, sir, they found the leader. They’re bringing him to you here. He’s pretty uncouth so we wanted you to be forewarned.”  
The god nodded his ascent and continued to watch the blacksmith repair his stretched out armor. The leather-clad Testificate turned over the plate, bending the supple gold back into shape with taps and tongs.   
An older Testificate with bound hands was dragged into the adjoining street and Herobrine sauntered over to the struggling man held fast between Roulade and Hollandaise. He opened his mouth to speak, but he recognized the figure at once. The scarred indent in their forehead only made him more certain. His luminous eyes narrowed dangerously.   
“Slagathor. I thought I warned you once before what would happen if you went against me. Do you have anything to say for yourself before I punish you for making war on a peaceful village?”   
It was obvious the priest had been hoping not to confront the griefer directly, especially not as a prisoner. The Testificate gaped, knowing there was no excuse for his behavior. “You cannot challenge people’s beliefs and not expect them to fight back,” he growled.  
Herobrine snorted, “I can, and I will, when those beliefs cause others to suffer. Will you renounce your vendetta?”  
“Never.”   
The god shrugged, “okay, if I can’t change your mind. I won’t waste my breath trying.”   
Roulade looked at him in surprise, “what would you like us to do with him, Herobrine?”   
The griefer tapped his chin and felt Steve’s soft hand fall like a leaf on his shoulder. He laid his own over it. “Make him a bed in the smallest unoccupied house. Keep three guards on him and make sure he gets a good night’s sleep to reset his points.”   
Slagathor sighed in relief; he believed the presence of the human only made the god weak.  
Herobrine continued in an even tone, “and then tomorrow, give him some breakfast and throw him in the lava pit. Let’s have… hmm... ten days of that and then I’ll talk to you again and see if you’ve changed your mind.”   
The priest’s eyes grew wide; he struggled in vain to get free of his captors. “No! Please no! I’ll do whatever you want!”   
“Really?”  
“YES. Anything!”   
“Excellent! That’s what I like to hear.” Herobrine replied cheerfully. “Okay, change of plans; Holly, do everything I said, but leave out the lava.”  
The Testificate's grins were impossibly wide on either side of the sweating prisoner. “Yes Herobrine.” And they dragged the blubbering Slagathor back up the street.   
The griefer waited until they were entirely gone to start laughing. He turned to Steve, his eyes sparkling with devilish glee, “did you see his face?”  
Steve just shook his head with a wry smile. “What am I to do with you?”   
Herobrine sank to one knee theatrically, wrapping his wide arms around his doubles waist and nuzzling his belly. “Love me. And I’ll do the same for you, now and forever.”  
Steve embraced him in turn; “that I can do. But…” Steve switched to thoughts so no one would hear them. ‘You collected my inventory, when I died, didn’t you?’  
‘Of course, it’s all here. Do you want your armor?’  
‘Not right now, there are some pictures I was carrying that might upset you. Alex took them secretly a long time ago, and she gave them to me. She said it wasn’t her place to destroy memories of something we shared, no matter how unpleasant.’   
Herobrine stood up, his face grave. He looked around, and then guided Steve into an alley so no one would see them. The griefer pulled out the pictures and his expression turned sorrowful as he shuffled through them.   
“I’m sorry,” Steve said softly. “That was a horrible thing to do to you and I didn’t realize until I saw your face how much it probably cost you in pain and pride to let a human degrade you like that.”  
“No, don’t apologize to me. I approached you like an animal and raped you. I deserved to be punished with the same inhumane treatment. And I laughed it off at the time so you would feel more satisfaction at getting revenge then guilt because I didn’t fight back. I was a fool and I’m lucky you forgave me and let me stay. You’re far too good to me, and if seeing this upsets you, I will destroy them.”  
Steve gave a nod, “forgive and forget.”   
Herobrine held the pictures in one hand and let his glitch heat his fingers, the papers smoldered and burst into flame. Within moments they were no more and the griefer brushed the ashes into the wind.   
He cleared his throat of a few stray pixels, and addressed his lover seriously. “That said Steve; I wouldn’t mind letting you enslave me for a little while if it gives you pleasure. I can enjoy taking a cock as well as I can give it. I just can’t figure out a good way to do it where you don’t end up burnt.”  
“I’m okay with that being a rare thing, and we’ll think of something eventually,” Steve mused. “I’m just relieved you’re not mad at Alex for taking them in the first place.”  
“Why would I be mad? I’d do the same thing.” He put an arm around Steve, “two really hot guys beating and screwing each-other’s brains out, what’s not to like?”  
There was a small noise and the pair looked up to see Hollandaise standing at the entrance to the alley with their mouth wide open. The Testificate's face was entirely red and they smiled nervously. “Sorry Herobrine, Father Steve, I didn’t mean to interrupt. But the whole village is sitting down to eat together and we wondered if you’d join us. Alexsezia and your undead guards are already there.”  
Steve put out a hand, “I mean to ask about that. Why do you call her that?”  
“Alexsezia? It is the Testificate name for what she is, blessed by Notch. She is the hunter goddess with her crescent bow and animal friends, the one who needs no other to find happiness. Her strength is greatly respected amongst us. I was the first to discover her presence here.” The Testificate smiled at the memory. “She was glorious as she fought the mobs in the moonlight, and then she hit me in the head with a woodblock for startling her.”  
Herobrine laughed, “That’s certainly our Alex. Come on Steve, let’s go eat.”


	46. The God's Repast

Alex leaned closer to the griefer, “so what happened with the bugs? Why did they snatch up your foe like that?”   
Herobrine paused with a piece of fish halfway to his mouth. “I have no idea. I did create them; maybe they just saw an opportunity to do me a favor. I just hope they went back to the tower after it happened. I really wanted to study them some more before I let them loose.”   
Steve tipped his head from Herobrine’s other side, “what bugs?”   
Alex swallowed a hunk of bread and answered, “A weird swarm of little things came down out of the sky and grabbed the witch that poisoned you. They destroyed the mage before Herobrine could lay a hand on them.”  
The griefer looked down, and felt Steve touch his side supportively. ‘No wonder you were so mad. You wanted to avenge me, didn’t you?’   
The god gave the smallest of nods in response to the loud thought from his mate.  
‘It’s okay; it’s the thought that counts anyway. Just next time don’t get so angry my love, you always forget that I’m almost as durable as you are. And I could tell from the grinds and pops that that particular transformation wasn’t comfortable for you.’  
Herobrine took a bite of steak and chewed it for a long time. ‘I’m sure they all think I’m a monster, but they’re just too scared to bring it up.’   
‘Why would they?’ The miner thought back, ‘You saved them. You single-handedly stopped an invasion that would have slaughtered the lot of them easily. Who cares what you look like when you’re angry? It doesn’t make what you did any less noble.’  
Steve sighed, ‘it’s like you told me so long ago; look who is sitting at these tables. The happiness you see is your doing.’   
The god looked around at the happy villagers who lined the long trestles. Some caught his gaze and raised drinks in his favor. He shot them back salutes in turn and favored them with a smile full of crooked, but human teeth. Herobrine offered his hand to Steve under the table and the human clasped it warmly.   
“Can I have your helmet for a moment?” Steve asked.   
Confused, the griefer lifted the crenellated helm off his head, and handed it to Steve, who slipped it into his inventory. The Testificates tried in vain to not stare at the weird sight of the god without his armaments. Steve had still not retrieved his bone and diamond armor from his mate, nor had Herobrine put back on his now repaired, golden chest-plate. The villagers looked at one and then the other, seeing how identical they were apart from their eyes.   
Steve brushed down the griefers messy hair and rested his left hand on the flat plane of Herobrine’s face; letting his diamond chip catch the afternoon light as his supernatural lover leaned instinctively into his touch. He heard Alex give a happy sigh at how cute they were being before this blushing crowd. And he gave the god his best wanting face. Herobrine’s eyebrow curved mischievously, and he pounced on his lover, kissing him aggressively and wrapping his arms around the human who melted into them without a second thought. He pulled back slightly and traced Steve’s pouting lips with a finger. The crowd was hushed, but bust into whoops and thunderous applause as Steve wrapped his lips around Herobrine’s digit and slurped it into his mouth.   
The god forced himself to swallow as his golden pants suddenly got far too tight for his liking. He grabbed a pail of milk and addressed the crowd whilst raising it high. “I would like to propose a toast.” There was a general shuffling of benches as everyone stood with their own pails and bottles. The griefer looked at his mate, letting himself get lost in those beautiful blue eyes that watched him so trustingly.   
“A toast, to love.”   
And the answering shouts echoed up and down the hills far beyond the village. “TO LOVE!”   
Herobrine kissed Steve again, and then felt a little poke in his ribs. It was Roulade. “I’ll cover for you,” the villager whispered. “You can use our house.” He thumbed at a cottage down the lane and the pair exchanged a smoldering look before thanking him and skittering off. They heard the faint sounds of the Testificate beginning some kind of speech as they closed the wooden door behind them.   
The griefer blocked the doors and windows with a few wood chunks from his inventory before turning his attention to the human who sat naked and primly posed on the edge of the bed. Steve looked like a rough angel and the griefer dropped to his knees and crawled across the floor to stop in a groveling pose beneath his lovers dangling feet.   
Herobrine kept his eyes on the floor and asked softly, “would you allow a gruesome beast such as I to touch your perfect flesh?”  
Steve was confused at first and then realized that this was something the god wanted to play at rather then a true debasement. “I will allow it,” he replied in his best haughty tones. “But you should be nude as well,” he said in a kinder voice.   
The god stripped himself and knelt naked on the floor, “may the beast join you on the bed, sweet angel?”   
Steve moved and patted the sheets beside him. Herobrine crawled up the side as if he were a small cat and coiled himself opposite his lover. Still in a prayerful pose, he ran his hands up Steve’s legs and scooted in between them. He let his tongue extend a little and loll forked from his lips, giving his words a slight sibilant hiss. “I hunger for the taste of you, sweet lamb, may I satisfy my need?”   
The miner’s hearts thrummed quickly as he gave his ascent. Herobrine opened wide and wrapped his long tongue several times around Steve’s rod before enclosing it in the cavern of his mouth. His mate relaxed back onto the bed and let the griefer suckle him. ‘I could worship you forever my lamb. Your smell, taste, sounds, emotions, they are meat and drink to me.’ Steve curled his body around his lover as he was sucked, running his hands over every part of the god that he could reach. But Herobrine kept him still, this was for Steve and he would not allow his lover to make it mutual this time. He pulled and twisted, wringing cries of ecstasy from the human that curled around his body like a cage of warm limbs. And every time he felt Steve getting close he would slow his pace, he wanted this climax to be as intense as possible. Around the seventh time, Steve whimpered that he was getting raw, and begged to be allowed to come.   
The griefer licked his thumb and pressed it against the tiny square hole betwixt his lover’s cheeks, swirling it without pressing in. And then he went at the cock in his mouth with everything he could muster. Slicking it with ribbons of drool and pressing it with his lips as he drove it deeply down his throat. The pressure reached a boiling point and Steve came, his body bucking and seizing as his nerves shorted out from over-stimulation.  
The griefer swallowed every drop as if it were the finest liquor, and then set to cleaning the remaining speckles from the rod and cubes of the thoroughly satisfied man beneath him. He hummed in pure pleasure as he laved his lover with his tongue.   
Steve could barely speak, “and what would the beast like in return for his labors?”   
He felt the god pause, the air thick between them. “May I have… a little bit of your blood sweet one?”   
“Take what you need, I am yours.”   
Holding back tears for his mate’s selfless love, Herobrine laid his face against his double’s inner thigh. He extended a single fang and licked over the pulsing vein he found there. He closed his luminous eyes and let the point sink shallowly into the humans quivering skin. Steve hissed in discomfort as he was pierced, but made no move to stop him. He couldn’t help but enjoy even this pain as the god lapped lovingly at the tiny flow of blood from his sensitive skin. He could hear the god murmuring in the back of his mind. ‘Oh Steven, I want to eat your pain, destroy your enemies, and spend the rest of eternity making love to your glorious soul.’   
A wicked thought occurred to Steve, he propped himself up and brushed his fingers over his lover. Herobrine looked at him, his tongue pressed hungrily beneath the dribbling wound.  
“What if I want what you are just as badly Herobrine? You call me stainless, but what if I wanted to roll in the dirt with you? Wanted more then life for you to smear my flesh with mud and blood and take me like a beast in some dark and dirty hole. Maybe I want to lay all covered in semen and cold slime and rut with you until we’re both coated in grime and utterly spent. I dream about your wild teeth in my throat and your blazing rod in my ass. I’ll run naked through the swamp and you can catch me and take my filthy body as your rightful prize and prey upon me as you wish.”  
Herobrine blinked at him in apparent confusion for a moment, and then jerked suddenly into a ball. The griefer whimpered and rocked back and forth, biting his lip.   
Steve reached for him, but the god just went limp and sprawled out across the end of the bed. His chest was heaving as he fought to catch his breath. Steve’s face broke into a broad and happy grin as he saw what had laid his lover low. Herobrine had come hard enough to wind himself and splattered most of his hips and belly with pale white slime.   
He gave the miner a thumbs up, “damn, you are frighteningly good at that.”


	47. Outcast's Offering

Once the pair had caught their respective breaths, and wiped off; they emerged from the house and into a scene that caused them both to go red with embarrassment. A dozen pairs of Testificates were meditating silently on the street outside the house. They gave up a big cheer when the two emerged and tossed flowers at their feet.  
Hollandaise was leaning against the wall nearby. Herobrine gave him a hard look and he started in surprise. “Sorry sir, they followed you. I was just making sure they didn’t actually knock on the door.” He gestured at the small mob. “Most of them are young and have been disowned by their families at one point or another. They’ve gathered here to show you their appreciation for giving them somewhere safe to live.”  
Steve felt himself tearing up at the sea of earnest faces. He cast a glance at Herobrine, who was doing his best to look stoic and proud.  
One of the Testificates stood up at the prodding of their fellows, “we want to offer you these gifts; ancient relics that we believe may be yours from the time before the humans were made.” They gestured to their fellows and several of them stood and came forward.  
Steve sensed Herobrine’s pulse speeding up with his rising anxiety. The time before his punishment was not something he wanted remembrances of. But he knew enough to be polite in the situation all the same.  
The first to approach him passed him a length of folded white cloth. It was thin, strangely marked and slightly cold and slippery to the touch. His face drained of color. He was holding the skin of a ghast.  
Steve quickly thanked the villager and took the pelt from Herobrine’s limp hands. He folded it nicely and put it away.  
Another came forth and offered a sword. It was a familiar deep green and it took a moment for either of them to realize what they were looking at. The handle was normal wood and iron, but the blade was made of ender pearls that had been partly dismantled and then linked together. The ratcheted curves of the individual pearls were still visible in the translucent flat of the blade. Herobrine gave it a little swish; it was feather light and whined against the air.  
Roulade signaled Steve behind Herobrine’s back. ‘Just one more,’ he mouthed.  
The last to present brought forth a pair of boots; they were clearly made from gems, but whitish grey. “Nether quartz,” Steve breathed. “I’ve only heard about that stuff. I didn’t know you could make armor from it.”  
“You probably can’t.” Herobrine replied. “But I can make anything from anything. And I’m sure I was even better at it back then.” He turned back to the expectant crowd. “Thank you all,” he said evenly. “I’m proud of you and proud of this whole village as well, you were all brave today. We stood up for love and tolerance, and now you know that I will defend you if the oppressors make another attempt. Once the golden summoner was only lit for those who would do battle with me. Now I say it is your beacon to call me, if ever my help is needed again. Also…” He coughed. “You are free to enter the swamp if you need to capture slimes for breeding. But no bothering me or Steve unless it’s vitally important. Understood?” The griefer gave them a stern look and they nodded enthusiastically.  
Steve took his hand, squeezing it appreciatively. ‘You did good’.  
Herobrine stood there for a long moment while they stared at him. “Is there something else?” There was some rustling and jostling as some of the Testificates tried to hold down one that was attempting to get his attention. ‘Don’t ask him that, it’s stupid.” Someone whispered angrily.  
Herobrine sighed. “If you think it’s stupid, I want to hear it.” He beckoned for the Testificate that the others were trying to hush to come to the front. He looked slightly down at the blushing villager hiding their hands in their robe sleeves as they fidgeted.  
“Yes?”  
“Well, I um… I was hoping… can I have a hug?”  
Herobrine looked at Steve. He knew his mate was not the jealous type, but it was instinct to want his approval at this point. The Testificate followed his gaze. “If you will you also permit it Father Steve?”  
The human shrugged, “I don’t mind, if he doesn’t.”  
Herobrine let his serious face soften; he offered his arms and gave the young villager a hug before releasing them back to their fellows. The others filed past him as they left the street, blowing the pair chaste kisses, bowing and waving.  
Soon only Roulade remained. Herobrine let out the breath he’d been holding and slouched slightly. Steve gave his slightly pudgy belly a friendly poke, before kissing him sweetly.  
Roulade sauntered up and looked at Herobrine, unable to fully meet his glowing eyes, but making an effort all the same. “With all due respect, that’s hard for you, isn’t it?” He asked softly.  
The griefer stared for a moment, deciding how honest he felt like being. “No, it’s not easy to be around people when you’ve been banished by their kind and hunted in the Nether caverns for so long you don’t remember anything else. I was spawned a monster and that’s what I’ll always be. But I will be a monster that helps you, because I believe in your cause. And because; I am trying, for the sake of love; to forgive and forget.”  
The Testificate’s face was ashen. “So it’s true. You are both the vanished god and the banished child.” The villager got down and pressed their face against the gravel path. “I am sorry. For what little it is worth, I am sorry for your suffering on behalf of my species. Is there anything I can do to ease your mind Lo- I mean, Herobrine?”  
The griefer rubbed his temples. “No, Roulade, there’s nothing you can do. Just… don’t bother us unless it’s really important. I want to get back to my studies for a while, and I’ll need space and quiet to create.”  
“I understand.”  
Steve tugged Herobrine’s shirttail gently. “Can we go home now? It’s getting late and I’d rather sleep in our bed tonight.”  
“If it pleases my lamb, it shall be done.”


	48. The Wild Hunt

Since it was already getting late, Alex agreed to sleep in the village and lead the horses and the skeleton crew back in the morning. Herobrine was feeling particularly impatient, so he dragged Steve onto the roof of the tallest house and threw an Ender pearl towards the base of the tower.   
They reappeared with a soft puff of air and staggered for a moment on their own doorstep as their two lost hearts were renewed. Herobrine left Steve in their bedroom so he could go check on Cyan and let them know that everyone else was intact and would be back soon.   
The skeleton was watching the village from the top of the plateau, and Herobrine climbed the ladder up to talk to them. They were elated with his abbreviated tale of the battle and the valiant behavior of their undead siblings. He clapped a hand on the skeleton’s shoulder blade and commended them for keeping everything safe in their absence.   
As he walked through the dark garden he heard the shuffling and nibbling noises of Karen having a dirt snack, and stopped to give the creeper a hug and a good head scratching.   
There was a sudden drone in the air and the swarm of touchies made a circle above him, rotating gently like a halo around his head. He grinned, so glad his creations had chosen to come back of their own accord. Though Herobrine was still a bit miffed that they had robbed him of the opportunity to avenge his mate’s respawn. He followed them to the touchie block and lifted the lid to see how many of them had come back. The frames he’d put in to give the block some internal walls were now coated with a comb pattern and awash with a thick, translucent substance. The griefer put a finger into it and moved the sticky substance closer to his face. He sniffed it suspiciously, but it had hardly any smell beyond a slight sweetness. Herobrine let his tongue snake out and touch the gleaming goop. He nearly swooned, it was gloriously sweet, and coated his mouth in the most wonderful way. The god aggressively sucked on his fingers and it took an effort to remove all of the sticky liquid.   
With a wide grin, he blew kisses to the swarm of touchies and carefully put the lid back on the block.   
Steve was already in bed when he got back down, and the miner lifted the covers to invite him in. Herobrine shed his shirt and shoes and crawled gratefully into the warm embrace of his lover.   
The human kissed his neck and shoulders and then snuggled up to him; wrapping thick arms around him, and tangling their legs beneath the sheets. He felt Steve’s warm rod press up between his cheeks. Herobrine resisted the urge to grind down onto his lover. It hurt him to know that Steve could not be on top of their lovemaking without getting burned by the griefer’s unnatural heat. He’d been wracking every corner of his brain for a long time trying to fix the issue with no success.   
He mused on the gifts they’d been given as a distraction from his want. Obviously they’d give the boots to Alex. She was always in need of light armor, and the crystal shoes appeared to be just as strong as diamond boots, but not as weighty. Steve would get the sword; there was no weapon in the Cubeland that could match his scythe, so there was no reason to carry anything else.   
And there was the skin. Herobrine shivered at the thought of ghasts. He’d been blown clear and smashed into the ground by their fireballs many times during his exile. Sometimes he could still hear their mournful shrieks in his nightmares.   
But whoever had done the deed had even skinned the tentacles; cleanly turning whatever guts the ghast’s possessed out of them like long white socks.   
Herobrine stopped, a broad wicked grin spreading over his face. He had an idea, and it was a good one. With a happy sigh, he nuzzled down into the pillow and fell asleep in Steve’s arms. 

* * * * * * * * * * 

The griefer god adjusted the loincloth around his waist self-consciously. Thankfully it was a warm day so he wasn’t suffering in his complete lack of other attire. He looked at Steve who was clad in the same way and taking out a slime-ball.   
“Are you sure you want to do this Steven? Because you invited me in, I’ve never stalked you like I did my other victims. I don’t want to scare you too badly, or get over-excited and hurt you.”  
Steve delved into his rear with slimy fingers. “You’re assuming I’m going to be easy prey Herobrine.”  
The griefer watched Steve spread his cheeks and let slip a hungry little growl.   
The miner gave him a knowing grin, “you’ll have to catch me first, my wanting beast.” He brought the slime-ball upward and greased himself from shoulders down to his bare feet.   
Herobrine frowned, “oh, that’s not fair at all.”  
“I said I’d make you earn it, it’ll make the treat all the sweeter if you have to work for it. Now close your eyes and start counting. The prey deserves the small honor of a head start.”  
Herobrine let his starving eyes trace his lover’s nearly naked form. He resisted the urge to salivate, knowing that his mate was already slicked and spread wide for his straining cock made it all the harder. He had only to catch the slippery miner and he would be allowed to claim him. The griefer forced himself to turn away, and pressed his face against the bark of a tree before counting aloud.   
Steve pranced in place and then took off like a shot. He felt as giddy as a child and the mud and soft grass squished pleasingly between his toes as he dashed into the swamp to hide from his mate. Something colorful caught his eye and caused him to fall into a muddy patch. He glared at the offending mushroom he’d tripped over and plucked it out of the ground. Steve scrambled for a moment, unable to get any traction without his shoes, and finally had to resort to crawling out of the puddle before attempting to stand up.   
He rubbed some of the excess gunk from his hair and wondered briefly if this was how slime-blocks felt all the time. Steve let it go, the more slime, the harder it would be for the would-be predator to get good grip on his prey.   
Herobrine finished counting and stretched his muscles with a cacophony of pops and clicks. He had to admit that Steve suggesting this had enticed him, and he was already obsidian-hard from watching his lover stretch his ass wide. The griefer let some of his more animal traits come to the fore, feeling his teeth sharpen and the world come alive with a tapestry of smells.   
Steve’s scent was like a foggy white line that was brightest at ground level. Herobrine sniffed the air like a wolf, allowing himself a long, baying howl, before setting off in pursuit of his prey.   
The miner heard the eerie sound echoing over the swamp and it touched on something deep that he never knew was in him. He paused a moment, frozen with irrational fear, and then bolted blindly like a terrified rabbit. Steve cut through a pond and hid himself, panting in a clump of bushes. He shook his head in confusion, it made no sense. He knew what and who was after him and what they intended if he was caught. Why did Herobrine’s howl evoke such acute horror in him?   
He tried desperately to calm himself, focusing on the reality of the situation. It was only a game, and one that would end in passionate love-making. Real fear had no place. But just as he’d managed to relax, the howl came again, louder and closer this time. And though his front brain insisted it was only a game, the hind brain carried him blindly away, barreling thorough the trees and stumbling in slimy clay and sucking mud.   
With a sharp shout, he fell down a small hole and tumbled onto a damp dirt block floor. The noise was closer now, along with crunching footsteps. And as it rose in volume; his brain screamed at him to escape. He clawed the dirt walls in pure terror.  
A dark shape blocked out the light above and he shut his eyes, trembling in mortal fear. The voice was smooth and pleasant, but promised tears to come. Herobrine dropped down the short hole, landing on his bare feet with a heavy thump. He smacked his lips, slurping an overlong tongue across them. The griefer took a deep draught of air. “Ah, my favorite scents; funeral soil and fear. It's okay my tender little lamb, the wolf has not come to eat you; but rather to press a bit of me into you instead.” He laughed demonically. “Perhaps I’ll feast on what remains of your innocence? Surely they’ll be none left after I smear your blood all over me.”  
Steve curled in the farthest corner, too petrified to even remove more dirt to push himself deeper. The griefer crouched low, spreading fingers like claws, his eyes glowing like malevolent stars in the half-light.   
His mouth was open and Steve could see so many teeth; like needles that caught the light from his eyes. “Though I might like just a little taste of you first…” He lifted his hands to snatch at the cowering miner, looming over him with an unholy smile.   
Steve burst into tears. He managed to whimper a single word; “bedrock!”   
Herobrine rocked back on his heels; his face returned to normal and his demeanor went instantly calm. “Now I know you wouldn’t do that unless you were really upset. Did I scare you too much?”  
The human nodded yes. Herobrine sniffed the air. “Oh… did you soil yourself too?” Another yes nod. The griefer offered his arms, “I’m filthy anyway, do you need a hug?” There was another nod and Steve snuffled into the gods shoulder, weeping on his muddy chest. Herobrine petted his hair and let him cry himself out.   
Eventually his sobs subsided. “I’m sorry I’m such a coward.”   
Herobrine rested the edge of his chin on the top of Steve’s head, holding him close. “You’re not a coward, especially for being scared of someone that almost everyone else is scared of all the time. And I’ve annoyed you on plenty of occasions, but beyond our first meeting; I’ve never really griefed you like I would an enemy. So you had no idea what to expect either. I’m the one who should be sorry for being a scary monster that made my perfect angel cry.”   
“I love you anyway.”   
Herobrine ran his fingers through his trembling lover’s dirty hair, “I love you too. Poor thing, you’re shaking all over. Come on, Steve, let me take you home.” Steve shook his head, he was still too upset, and didn’t want to let go. So Herobrine decided to arrange the human’s legs around his own waist and carry him like a child instead.   
Alex’s jaw fell slack when she saw the muck covered griefer carrying a dirty and mostly naked Steve into the stables. Herobrine shook his head quickly and she let him pass without saying a word. He tromped heavily up the stairs and took the exhausted miner into their room.   
The griefer walked straight into the water part of their tub and knelt down, his knees cracking painfully. Steve clung like a limpet to his torso, so he settled for washing the filth from whatever he could reach on them both. He moved them to the wall that divided the lava from the water and pressed his cold back against the hot cobbles. Herobrine wrapped his arms around Steve, who had been quiet since they entered the house. He thought about skimming the human’s thoughts, but decided it might be too invasive while he was feeling so delicate.   
“It’s okay Steve; you can hold me as long as you need too. Just talk to me a little so I know you’re not suffering.”   
The human opened his mouth and closed it again a few times against the griefer’s damp chest. There just weren’t any words. Finally he managed to murmur, “I’ve died in the Nether and never been that frightened before. You make that terrible howl and I have no mind of my own. I’m suddenly just a tiny dumb animal running from a nightmare. I…” his voice cracked and his shoulders shook as he started to cry again. “Despite everything I know about you, in that moment, I was actually terrified that you would eat me alive.”   
The griefer sighed. “I would rather freeze to death then hurt you like that. But allow me a tiny chuckle at the irony of it all.” He ran hands over Steve, petting him gently. “You’ll embrace me in front of the world as a hideous, twisted monster, but if I just say that I’m going to hurt you, then you panic?” He paused, “…I guess that’s all any of us can have between one another, isn’t it? Just words, and promises. Your hearts are so tender that even the implication that I’ve lied about my intentions or feelings destroys you utterly. How can you put so much faith in a broken-down excuse for a god?” Herobrine kissed the miner's hair. “You are too perfect and pure for even this beautiful world.” He put his hands under the water, catching the angles of Steve’s head and pulling gently. “At least let me look into your lovely eyes.”   
Steve let himself be lifted, ashamed of his puffy red face and bleary eyes. Herobrine kissed up his tears with little pecks. The griefer gave his best winning smile. “There, you look better already. I’d offer to get you something, but my legs have gone to sleep and I can’t feel them anymore.”  
Sheepishly Steve let go of Herobrine’s waist and climbed off his lap. “I feel stupid,” he said quietly. “I’ll put half my body into your mouth, let you dip me in lava, submit to being bloated with cum; but you say ‘boo’ to me and I crumble like a cheap sandcastle. I’m such a pathetic loser.”   
Herobrine blinked in confusion. He poked Steve in the chest. “But it took so much courage to submit to all those other things. And you’re unhappy because you couldn’t hold your ground when the one they call the Lord of Tears turned some of his powers towards frightening you? That’s like being depressed because you can’t walk through walls!” He put his hands on Steve’s shoulders and gave his naked double an incredulous look. “I was made to grief,” he said earnestly. “Even Notch let me run amok for a while because he wasn’t sure who would win if he confronted me directly. Though he obviously overestimated me, my specific abilities are still second to none. You had no chance from the start, and it’s admirable that you would even try.” Herobrine smiled; his eyes misty and shining. “I’m proud of you; you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met. It’s okay to have limits; I wouldn’t have given you a special word to make me stop if I didn’t care with all my hearts about making sure that you always feel safe and comfortable no matter what we do together.”   
Steve’s lip trembled with emotion, “thank you.”   
Herobrine beamed, his eyes making sparkles on the gently shifting water. “I want to give you something for your bravery. A secret of mine that no one else has ever seen; and I’ll trust you to keep.”   
Steve’s mouth formed a tiny square. “What is it?”  
“Watch close, because I won’t be able to do this for long.” Herobrine gathered his feet under him and knelt on the floor of the tub. He put his hand over his right eye, shielding its light. The god pushed the tips of his blocky fingers against the flat space around his eye and curled them slowly inward as if trying to pluck it out. The light intensified and gathered in his palm, making skinny beams that flashed between his fingers. He gritted his teeth, sweating as he pulled the light from his eye socket. The griefer moved his hand down as much as he could, his muscles quivering with the effort of drawing the glow from its rightful place. Tendrils of the gleaming ball in his fist still connected it in thin strands to his eye.   
Steve gasped. Beneath the luminous shine, Herobrine had a real eye. Unnaturally colored, but distinctly human; the center was void dark, but the ring was a deep gold. And the black pupil swelled and shrank as it tried to adjust to the glow right in front and beside it from his other eye. Herobrine’s hand shook and he used his other hand to steady his arm as his grip slipped away. The light flowed like water between his fingers and poured back over his eye, hiding the gold beneath the ethereal glow of his glitch. He let the last of it go with a huff, panting from the effort. He splashed his face to rinse the sweat from his brow.  
He looked up and the miner was smiling at him. “Thank you for showing me that. It means a lot that you trust me to keep your secrets. Your eyes are lovely, Herobrine. I adore your glow, but they’re beautiful underneath as well. I’ve always said gold suits you.”   
“But that’s why I made yours blue. I’m just a big show off, all glam. You’re the dependable diamond to my gaudy gold. I guess even then I was certain you’d turn out to be something really special.”   
“Herobrine, can you see without your glitch?”  
“Only well enough to know the color of my own eyes from reflections. My glitch may be blinding to humans, but I’m all but blind without it.” He shook his head a bit sadly, “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have it. I must have spawned already broken.”  
“Then you’re beautifully broken Herobrine. Thank you for being patient with me.” Steve twiddled his fingers, “sorry if I disappointed you.”   
“It’s okay; we have the rest of our lives to play together. Next time we’ll choose something safer and stay in the house.” He paused, “I almost forgot, I have something to show you that I bet you’ll really like. Can I coax you out of the tub and into some pants at least?”   
Steve really looked at Herobrine. “You’re cold, aren’t you? I made you sit in the water holding me for an awfully long time. It’s not warm enough for you, is it?”  
The griefer colored a little bit, not wanting Steve to feel guilty for needing to stay in contact with him. The miner gave him a little push, “go ahead, and warm up on the other side. I’ll get out and dry off.”   
The griefer gave him a grateful look and slipped over the low wall, sliding headfirst into the lava before popping up with a warm sigh of relief on the other edge of the little pool. Steve rubbed himself with a flat wool and threw it over his shoulders. He pulled on his pants and watched Herobrine ruff up his hair with a handful of sludgy stone before finger-combing it back out again.   
“Just like cleaning the furnace huh? Stoke the fires really high and then close the door for a while to burn off all the crud.”   
Herobrine chuckled, “I love the way you look at life. Speaking of crud…” He leaned over and pulled the two loincloths out of the water side of the pool and threw them into the lava. They popped and danced on the surface for a moment and then incinerated completely. “Laundry’s done,” he said with a smirk.


	49. Glitching in the Kitchen

It was still sunny when the two emerged into the garden. Steve charged up into the light and then stopped dead. “Wait, you said the touchies came back right? Am I going to get swarmed again?”  
“No, it’s fine, they have your information from touching you before, they know you’re not a plant and won’t benefit from what they can do. I wouldn’t worry about them getting on you at all unless you swat their block or stick your hands in their swarm and wave them around. But that’s part of what I wanted to show you.” He waved Steve over to the oaken block and slid the lid gently off. Some of the touchies were inside and Herobrine moved slowly so they wouldn’t be agitated. He lifted the dripping frame from the box and wiped his hand across the corner of it.  
The fluid flowed like thick syrup over his fingers and he offered his hand to Steve. “Just taste it my lamb, I promise you it’s safe.”  
The miner lifted his hand and licked one of the griefer’s fingers gingerly. He hummed in approval and went after the digit more aggressively, pulling two of Herobrine’s fingers into his mouth and sucking on them. “Oh, that’s so good,” he mumbled around the fingers.  
Herobrine bit his lip so hard a little tickle of blood wound its way down his chin. “You are such a marvelous tease.”  
“No teasing,” Steve said; his mouth full of the griefer’s fingers. “You put that on any part of you I will suck it just as vigorously. I would gladly lick that out of any orifice actually.”  
The god clenched thinking of the possibilities. “I’ll make a note,” he managed.  
There was a loud rapping on the stairwell wall, “can I come up, or are you busy again?”  
Herobrine tried to extract his fingers from Steve’s lips but gave up because the human had a death grip on his wrist. “Fine, if you don’t care I don’t either. It’s okay Alex, come on up.”  
Alex sauntered up the steps, clinking slightly in her mail shirt. “Herobrine I, oh…” She blushed slightly at the sight of the shirtless miner suckling on Herobrine’s fingers with his eyes closed in obvious pleasure. “I thought you said I wasn’t interrupting anything? You don’t have to lie to me.”  
“The griefer sighed, trying not to buck his hips as Steve wound his thick tongue in between the gods fingers to get every last drop. “I just had Steve taste something that I’m guessing met with his hearty approval.” He waved her over to the hollow block, whose lid was still partly open. “Just swipe a finger over the grid inside and taste it.”  
Alex did as the god directed her, moving slowly so as not to upset the touchies. She put her finger in her mouth and smiled. “No wonder he got excited. That is incredibly tasty and it gives me a few ideas as well. I think I’m going to really enjoy being able to share a kitchen with you Herobrine. You’re very creative with foodstuffs. That said; I was hoping you’d give me a hand with something when you’ve got a moment.” She turned and made her way back down the stairs. She looked back at Steve, who was grinning foolishly with Herobrine’s hand clasped tightly in his grip.  
“Take your time.”  
* * * * * * * * * *  
Alex had laid out most of her tools by the time Herobrine joined her in the kitchen. She gave him a knowing smile and he rolled his eyes unbeknownst to her. The griefer looked around at all the random items on the table, “so… what did you want me to help you with?”  
She clunked a cauldron in the floor in front of him. “Can you put holes in this?”  
Herobrine grinned; he loved it when people actually requested that he break things. “How big do you want them?”  
“One pixel each and all over the bottom edges please.” Alex rooted through one of the kitchen trunks and came up with a fermented spider eye and a button mushroom. She set them down and dragged out a piston block.  
“This looks complicated,” Herobrine mused as he poked holes in the metal with a hot finger. “Tell me your thought processes here.”  
Alex bustled about as she talked, “well… I noticed Steve has an obsessive need to keep tons of milk and I’m wondering if there’s a way to make it onto something that will keep longer. My crafting style is a bit different from his, if I can do something in a convoluted way, then it will become an option on my crafting table and I can just put the ingredients together on it from that point on. Remember I told you I was good at making frozen treats? It took a lot of experimentation to find a combo of items and a mechanism to put them together. But now I have those finished foods as an option even though no one else can make them. I never thought much of it at the time, but maybe it was gifted to me so that there would be someone else besides you and Jeb that could bring new items into the world.”  
The griefer goggled at her. “But you’re not glitching? Do you need to press the table really hard to make them combine?”  
Alex shook her head, “no it’s not like that, I have to use something other then the table to do the first combination. When I made ice cream; I used a funnel, a piston block and a dispenser to jam it all together. Just trust me okay?”  
Herobrine shrugged. “Okay, I was just curious.” He stood up and dusted his pants, “the cauldron is sufficiently holey. What next?”  
“I need a stone small enough to press halfway into the cauldron and one of your slime-balls to make the piston sticky.”  
Herobrine gave her a sly look, “how do you know I have slime-balls on me?”  
Alex fixed him with an equally sarcastic look, “because if you didn’t carry them constantly, poor Steve wouldn’t be able to walk properly. I swear you two rut more often then bunnies. It’s a damn good thing you can’t get him pregnant.”  
Herobrine shuddered in revulsion, “thank you so much for putting that terrible thought into my head. Ugh.” The griefer used his scythe to carve the sides from a stone block until it was the size of a cactus, and then stuck it to the piston that Alex had fixed to the ceiling. She laid some redstone and a button to match.  
He watched her curiously as she added the mushroom and the fermented spider’s eye to a bucket of milk and furiously whipped them together with a stick. Herobrine saw to his horror that the concoction was already starting to clump and clot and he backed away at the puff of odd smelling gas the gunk emitted.  
Alex leaped up and trotted over to the contraption. “When I say, hit the button!” She threw the entire bucket into the perforated cauldron. “Now!”  
Herobrine punched the button and the piston block jammed down into the holey cauldron, drops of moisture came out of the holes and disappeared before they hit the floor.  
Alex examined the holes and sniffed at the liquid. “That should be good enough. Let it up again.” Obediently the griefer raised the piston and risked a look at the contents of the cauldron. The thing inside it was the size and shape of a cake. It was mostly white but shot through with faint veins of blue and mossy green.  
The archer chipped the cauldron up with a pickaxe to release what was inside it and then placed the new item on the kitchen table. The piston had not only compressed the clumpy mixture and pressed out all the water; it had flattened the bucket into a tray that the stuff was resting on. Herobrine approached it as if it might come to life and bite him. “What is that?”  
“Well… it’s not milk but something that follows it, and I need the pressing block to make it, so let’s call it chase.” She broke off a little bit of it, and popped it into her mouth before the god could protest. He winced, hoping she wouldn’t suddenly turn ill.  
Alex let out a soft hum. “That, my friend, is good. Here, try it.”  
Herobrine sighed, “If you can eat it, I’m sure it’s safe for me.” He gingerly took a small bite and felt the weird wobbly chase melt across his tongue. It was a bit sweet with a bite from the fungus and fermented materials used to make it. An idea struck him and he pulled a loaf of bread out of his inventory and bit down on both items together. With an excited gesture, and a full mouth, he helped Alex do the same and the two of them sparkled with the joy of discovery.  
Herobrine smiled gamely. “You’re a terrible influence Alex; I am going to get so fat hanging out with you.”  
The archer laughed good-naturedly. “I’m just glad you guys are okay having me for a house-mate. I don’t need a relationship to feel whole, but it’s nice to have friends to talk too sometimes, especially one as creative as you.”  
The god preened, “you’re such a flatterer. But speaking of creative…” He brandished a bottle of thick gold syrup. “What do you think we could do with this?”


	50. Pixelated and Sticky

Steve finished the last stitches on his kitting project and smiled at what he’d made. It had taken forever to finish in secret since he and Herobrine were so rarely parted. He could hear Alex and his mate clunking around in the kitchen below. The sounds soothed him like nothing else. He'd never realized what a home could be until he had one filled with the sights and sounds of a life-partner and a make-shift family.   
He held up the kitting and Gold clapped for him. “Thanks buddy. I hope he likes them.” The skeleton waved a hand in the air as if Steve were being foolish. The miner put it away with a smile. But before he could get up to go check on his lover Alex popped her head over the edge of the floor. She addressed him from the stairwell. “Hey, Steve, can you come down to the kitchen for a few minutes?”  
Her tone set him fretting as he headed her way “Is everything okay?”  
“Yes and no.”  
“What the heck is that supposed to mean?”   
She pushed the door open and let the miner into the kitchen, “see for yourself.”   
Steve panicked for a moment when he saw Herobrine lying on the floor, but it evaporated as the griefer let off a loud burp and pushed himself upward to regard the miner with bleary eyes.   
“STEVE. My little Steveie-weavie, my lamby-wammie, cutie pie!”   
Alex laughed while Steve turned a lovely shade of crimson. Herobrine managed to make it to his feet and staggered over to them. He wobbled for a moment and then pounced on Steve, pushing him down to the floor; pawing at the human playfully as he giggled. The miner tried to hold Herobrine off but he might as well have been trying to shift bedrock. The griefer curled around him, “love you so much. Hic! My head feels weird…”   
Alex put her hands on her hips, “that’s because you’re drunk.”  
“Nope, you’re drunk Alex-y-wallaxsy, now stop moving around so much, you’re making me sick.”   
Steve looked up at Alex who was standing completely still. “Did you give him something?”  
The archer blew out a huff of air. “We fermented the syrup from the touchie block and then genius here chugged a whole bottle of it.”   
“That’s right! But it’s cool, there’s more and we can make more. Have some chase little pumpkin.” Steve wiggled as Herobrine stuffed something soft into his mouth. But once he got a taste of it he swallowed it willingly. He opened his mouth to speak, but the griefer poured a gold liquid into it before Alex could wrestle it away from him. Steve coughed around the stuff. It was sweet but also biting and it made his head feel fuzzy and weirdly shaped.   
Alex could only watch helplessly as Herobrine pinned Steve to the floor. Both of them were giggling and swatting at each other like tussling cats. “I think,” she said to no one in particular, “I’m just going to leave you both too it.” The archer locked the door behind her to keep the others from interfering in what she suspected both of the men would regret when they were sober again.   
Herobrine was the first to notice she was gone. “Ooooh, she left us alone. It’s just you and me my little pork chop.” Steve watched the griefer blearily, he felt good but his eyes refused to focus and everything seemed much funnier then it should be.   
“Oh no!” Steve giggled. “All alone with you, someone help me! Oh, yeah, we’re dating! Don’t help me! I demand that no one help me in any way shape or form! I am absolutely… drunk.” Steve worked himself to his feet and leaned on a chest as Herobrine giggled at him. He dug around in the contents, tossing vegetables on the floor. “Here it is!”   
The griefer rolled with hysterical laughter as Steve pressed a pumpkin pie against his face and swallowed it in big chunks.   
“You sound like Karen eating dirt!” Herobrine wheezed “OM NOM NOM, hahaha!”   
“Oh, yeah? Is that how you want to be? Take this griefer!” Steve chucked a cake at the god on the floor and it splattered across his double’s face. Herobrine put on a determined expression and threw a chunk right back. Before long both of them were messy with cake and pie and laughing uncontrollably.   
Herobrine shook his rear like a cat and dove at Steve. The miner wasn’t coordinated enough in his drunken state to dodge and ended up under the griefer again. Herobrine pulled out a bottle and turned it upside down over Steve’s face. The human sputtered as the sticky stuff slid over his cheeks and chin, but then went instantly silent as the god extended his overlong tongue to slurp the sweet touchie syrup from his skin. He licked his own lips, reaching out to get the griefer's twitching tongue in his own mouth. Methodically Herobrine stripped Steve of his clothing as the miner let out needy whimpers. Pouring the sweet liquid over his naked body and lapping at the mess while the human wiggled and begged. Steve snatched at the bottle; he forced his shaking hands to drag the griefer’s pants down and splattered the god’s crotch with the syrup.   
“Oh, I’m up for that too. You are so hot, I could just…” Herobrine shuddered, turning himself to dip his rod into the miners waiting mouth. “Oh Stevie, suck me, just like that.” He pulled off his shirt and laid himself down on Steve. The sticky liquid squished between their torsos, and he wiggled in place until both were perfectly aligned. Herobrine put his mouth over his lovers cock and the two of them locked down into each other like they were made to fit.   
Steve didn’t care that his head was fuzzy and throbbing, it didn’t matter that the griefer’s cubes were flopping against his closed eyes; there was nothing that mattered except the hot, sweet cock in his mouth and the exquisite sensation of Herobrine’s burning lips around his own straining member. He grabbed two handfuls of his mate’s polygonal buttocks and kneaded them, feeling Herobrine rock and groan as he was played with. He responded by curling his arms around the humans legs and spreading his partner with the tips of his fingers. Both of them were so drunk everything felt like too much, like the world was swimming and bucking like a bull underneath them.   
Their movements were so perfectly aligned they came almost simultaneously. Straining and pouring themselves in as they received the same on the other end.   
Steve swallowed furiously, trying to keep the griefer from exploding all over his already sticky face. He let the softening rod flop free from his mouth and gasped for air, seizing as his lover cleaned him off.   
There was a moment of pregnant silence, and then Herobrine shifted gently against his stomach. His words were far more sober then Steve expected. “We might have a problem my lamb.”  
“Yeah, like what?”  
“We’re stuck together.”  
“Fuck.”   
Herobrine was quiet for a long moment. “I’ll give you a diamond if you yell for help and let me pretend to be passed out.”   
“Two diamonds.”  
“Done.”  
“ALEX!”


	51. The Fire Within

“That was terrible,” Steve said, “I feel like my chest is on fire.”  
“I said I was sorry okay? And you have to admit Alex was right that letting my glitch overheat would make the touchie syrup go runny and let us slide apart.”   
“Still hurts.”   
Herobrine folded his arms. “What do you want from me? I gave you the diamonds like I promised.”  
“Yeah…” Steve was sulking in the bath and the diamonds in question were resting on the flat top of his head where Herobrine had put them. Steve shook them off and they bounced into his inventory. “It seems like every time we play lately, I end up hurt. You can’t blame me for being grumpy.”   
The griefer relented, his hands spread in consternation. “Okay, I was going to save this for a special occasion, but it might make us both feel better. Hang on.” Steve watched skeptically as Herobrine dug through the chest on his side of the bed. He came up with something that looked like a skinny sock with a long pair of trailing ties. “It won’t work if I test it because my clothes are always protected when I’m in the lava, and I don’t think it’s anything Alex wants to hear about.” He tossed the weird thing to Steve, who turned it over in his hands.   
“Stick as much of you hand into it as you can and hold it over the lava side of the pool. If I’m right, you shouldn’t feel the heat at all.”  
Steve did as he was bade; stretching the weird tight sock up to his wrist. He tentatively held his hand over the lava side of the pool. His eyes went wide, even though the material was thin to the point of translucence, the heat was barely there. Herobrine wiggled his fingers, clearly excited.   
“Try touching the surface with it!”  
Steve took a long breath, afraid but still trusting that the griefer wouldn’t hurt him intentionally. He stuck the tip of the glove into the slurry of molten stone. Still nothing, he might as well have had his hand in a cool patch of mud. Steve withdrew his arm, staring in wonder at the weird white material, while he peeled it off his hand. “What is this stuff?”  
“Ghast skin,” Herobrine said breathlessly. “And I was right; it kept you from getting burned, didn’t it?”  
“I didn’t even get hot.”  
Herobrine took a step backwards and then another and Steve felt himself becoming much less sure of the situation. The griefer locked the door and blocked it with wool. He was biting his lip. “I’ve been dreaming of this day for so long my love.”  
Steve quirked an eyebrow; trying to disguise his unease as the griefer helped him out of the water and dried him as he stood there mystified. Herobrine relieved him of the white sock and leaned down in front of him. With gentle fingers he slipped the sock over his lovers cock and made a bow around his waist with the trailing ends.   
He faced his lover and Steve suddenly realized what was in store. “I can take your heat with this on, can’t I?” Herobrine nodded, almost in tears. Steve grinned hugely, “are you going to make yourself ready, or would you prefer I do it?”   
The griefer shook his head, “no, I’ll do it. I’ve been waiting so long, I can’t wait anymore.”   
Steve made himself comfortable on the bed and slowly stroked his cock to attention as the god knelt before him. Herobrine wasted no time. He slicked his fingers generously with slime and pulled himself wide. The god gave a few little cheeps of pain, unused to anything wider then two digits or his own tongue. He panted and pushed four fingers deep within, while his lover stared in awe, almost alarmed by how rough he was being. Herobrine propped himself up and pulled his legs high. “I want to see you take me. I’m ready my lamb.”   
Steve addressed the god while he got himself into position. “You always tell me how beautiful I am when I’m waiting for you, so I want to do the same.” He showered his lover with tiny kisses, even pecking at his bare feet as he tossed them on his own shoulders. “You are glorious, naked and shining. The way your eyes crinkle at the corners when you look at me, your sharp little teeth denting your perfect lips. I love every pixel of you Herobrine. And now I’m going to give you what you’ve been wanting.”  
Steve pushed himself against the slippery hole and worked the broad head of his cock into the socket. The second skin stretched and moved with him and he barely felt the infernal heat of his lover’s insides. Herobrine writhed and twisted himself, trying to rock down on the rod that penetrated him, but lacking the leverage to do so. “More,” he gasped desperately.   
And with a smooth push of hips, Steve slid inside. The effect was electric and Herobrine shook all over as his body reacted to the intrusion. It had been so long, and necessarily brief the only other times it had happened. His eyes fluttered as he struggled to compose himself. The miner was just as blessed in size as the god himself, and he made his lover wide as he worked his way deeper. Herobrine caught the corners of Steve’s face and guided him downward to capture him with a kiss.   
The human pecked away the little drops of moisture at the corners of eyes. “Am I hurting you?”   
Herobrine shook his head, no, quite the contrary. He signaled his readiness and felt a tiny spike of unease at the wicked look on Steve’s face.   
The miner had also been waiting for this.   
The god screamed as the human plumbed his fiery depths, hitting points no one had ever touched. He forced the griefer down into the bed, bending the glitched god nearly in half as he hammered into him. He was half afraid he was hurting his lover, but Herobrine only pleaded for more, grabbing Steve’s hand and forcing the miner’s thick fingers into his mouth. Herobrine sucked on his digits as he was fucked, trying to muffle his own ceaseless screams.   
Steve pulled him even higher, canting his hips as he searched for his doubles sweet spot. The griefer yanked furiously at his own cock like he would pull it off, his face almost angry as he tried to deal with the symphony of pain and pleasure he was experiencing. He would never say it, but he found it ironic that only the creature he created was capable of fulfilling his most desperate needs.   
Grunting with effort, Steve readjusted their positions, pushing one of the griefer’s legs between his own to scissor them. Herobrine gave a tiny broken cry; his sensitive cubes nestled against Steve’s sweating hips as he rode out a small orgasm.   
“Ah, there is” Steve breathed. He twisted himself to hit the spot again and was rewarded with Herobrine sputtering and drooling as he fought for breath. The human took a lungful himself and hammered the god with everything he had.   
Herobrine came so hard he clawed at the bed-sheets, tearing them as if he’d pull himself desperately away from the dick he was impaled upon. He squeezed around Steve, wringing the miner dry as he spurted into the skin sock.   
He grabbed Steve and held their hips together, fucking himself on Steve’s softening cock to prolong his orgasm.   
When he could speak again, he wheezed; “don’t get me wrong, I love putting myself inside you. But I needed that. I want us to be equals and that also means I want you to be in control sometimes. You’re not the only one who feels the weight of responsibilities and occasionally needs to slip out from under it for a while. My only regret is that you still can’t cum inside me.”   
Steve smiled warmly, smoothing down the griefer's wild hair, “we’ll think of something.” He brightened. “I have a present for you too, though I admit it’s not as exciting as yours. I made something for your little cold feet.” The miner took out the prettiest pair of socks Herobrine had ever seen. The twisted wools had made a variety of thin and wide stripes in blood red, black, white and soft gray. Steve slipped them onto Herobrine’s feet; pushing each toe into its own little pocket and then pulling them almost up to his knees. The griefer wiggled his toes in satisfaction; each one was a different color. “Oh, they’re so nice and warm! Thank you, Steve. They’re lovely and perfect, just like you.”


	52. Fear the Griefer

Alex watched Herobrine tie Steve to one of the birch trees in the garden with a bemused expression. She chatted amiably with both of them as Herobrine tested his knots. “So you don’t have any control over your reactions at all? He just gives you his hunting howl and you bolt?”  
Steve colored and looked down, “amongst other things, yes.”  
“So you want to see if you can learn to ignore your instincts by letting Herobrine yell at you?” The archer concluded.   
“Essentially yes,” the god replied. “I don’t know if it’s possible, but this is good place to test it. Steve has every reason to feel safe here, and he’s less likely to get hurt if he does run since he’s not charging blindly into the swamp.”  
Alex nodded, “and the ropes?”  
“Just in case, then I’ll have a head start to grab him if he does run.” He ran his fingers gently over the bound miner’s cheek. “I’ve seen my lamb snap spider threads in the heat of passion.” Steve blushed and Herobrine pecked his pink cheeks. “Your strength is nothing to be sneezed at my love.”  
Steve tugged at the ropes, swallowing thickly. “I think I’m ready.”  
The griefer turned to the archer “you might want to leave for your own safety. This same noise has a similar effect on Testificates. There’s no reason to think it doesn’t work the same on everyone.”   
Alex folded her arms stubbornly. “No way Herobrine, I want to see this full force.”   
“Very well,” and with that the god vanished. The humans looked around in shock, not seeing where he had teleported to. The lights dimmed despite the bright sun overhead, and the garden was filled with a variety of hushed whispers. They listened intently, but were unable to make out specific words. The touchies droned louder, disturbed by the change in energy. There was a sudden flash and a cracking boom as Herobrine popped up directly in front of Steve. He cut loose with a wild howl that echoed and bounced back twice as loud.   
Steve lost it. His eyes rolled back and his limbs flailed under the ropes as he frantically tried to escape. Tears streamed from his eyes and Herobrine stopped instantly. He stroked the shaken man, petting his hair and kissing his face. “Oh, little lamb, I don’t think you’re going to be able to do this. And I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”  
Steve gasped, fighting for air in big heaving gulps. He looked down and let loose with a tiny wail, “ah, again?!”   
The griefer suddenly remembered Alex and turned to check on her. She was still standing in the same spot. The archer squeaked a finger in her ear. “That was really loud.”   
Herobrine’s eyes went wide as he blinked in confusion and looked from one human to the other. “How in the Nether did you stand there and tolerate something that made poor Steve wet his pants?”  
Alex shrugged, “I don’t know. It just wasn’t scary. I’ve always been more unsettled by your volatile temper then your actual attempts to frighten.”   
Steve groaned, thumping the back of his head against the birch bark. “Now I feel worse! It is just me! The Testificates don’t count because they have legends about you and good reasons to be afraid.” He hung his head in shame. “I’m just a useless coward.”   
Herobrine untied the miner, wiping his face. “You’re not a coward Steve, its okay.”   
Alex leaned on the tree, “Actually I have a more likely reason. Herobrine, you said you don’t actually remember making Steve?”  
“I remember the pain of cutting out my hearts, the reason why his eyes are blue, but not much else.”  
“Has it occurred to you that it was a safety measure if the Steves ever turned on you? You did make quite a few of them.”  
“That’s brilliant Alex. I’ve always been the paranoid type, and there’s no way I could not know that the Steves would be violent, at least with each other. I’m sure I made and woke them in batches to make sure the design was functional.”  
“Do the…” she struggled for the right words. “Let’s go with ‘wild’ undead; do they run when you yell at them?”  
“If I’m not obviously in a weakened state; yes. They flee when I threaten them, but why wouldn’t they? As far as they know they can’t even hurt me badly enough to make me respawn.”  
Alex punched her open hand with a decisive fist, “then there is your answer. And you can stop screaming at Steve.”   
The miner was secretly relieved that Alex had come up with an explanation that allowed him to keep a shred of his pride. “That’s good enough for me.”  
Herobrine nodded, “that’s good enough for me as well. I love scaring people, but it’s not the same doing it to you. I just feel guilty for making you so upset.”   
Steve patted the griefer's hand. “It’s okay Herobrine, but if you’ll both excuse me; I’m going to go wash my pants.” And the god and the archer watched him clump down the steps.  
Herobrine turned back to Alex, “while I’m thinking about it, I have something for you. The Testificates gave us some relics that I likely made before my memories were taken.” He flipped to the crystal boots in his inventory and passed them too her. “They’re as strong as diamond and only half as heavy. I think they were just an art project without any special buffs, but let me know if you feel weird or notice any unusual effects.”   
The archer’s eyes glittered, “I certainly will!” She pulled the white crystal boots over her soft shoes and walked a few steps to check the fit. “They’re wonderful Herobrine, thank you.” The griefer submitted to a friendly hug, and she held his shoulders at arms length for a moment. “I wish I had something to give you. You’ve been so kind lately; it’s really a beautiful transformation to behold.”   
The rumpled griefer gave her a shy but toothy smile. “But Alex, you’ve already given me so much. You brought me my Steve, who gave me a home, and the first real love I’ve ever experienced. You warned us in time to escape the angry mob, and then you gave me the truth about my past and pointed the way for me to set myself free. You owe me nothing Alex. My life would be so much sadder if we had never met.”   
Her voice was small, “even though I’ve shot you with arrows and stabbed you in the chest?”  
“Yes. All is forgiven. The pain was well worth the prize to be had. I am in your debt.” The griefer moved her hands so he could give the archer a low and sweeping bow.   
Alex giggled, “Now there is something I never thought I’d see in a million years.”  
Herobrine straightened up. “Well if I’m going to be good for Steve’s sake; I might as well work on gratitude and manners at the same time. It might be useful to unlearn some of the feral habits I picked up in the Nether as well.”   
The archer shook her head sadly, “That terrible place leaves its mark on everyone unfortunate enough to visit. I may be skilled enough to gather supplies there, but it doesn’t mean I won’t avoid doing it if I can possibly substitute something else.” She noticed Herobrine’s expression and touched his hand. “Hey, don’t be so blue, it’s all done now. No one is going to make you go back there ever again. You have a family of sorts, a lover and a home. Steve told me you have a normal respawn now too. Have you needed to use it yet?”   
“Thankfully no, I have no memory of respawning, so I have to assume it’s never happened to me before. The only thing in the Over-world that can kill me outright is a terminal velocity fall anyway. And even then only if I fall unconscious and can’t teleport to the ground. It’s why I’m not so upset that I can’t fly anymore. I think I’ll stay out of the clouds, it’s safer down here.” He gazed up, “speaking of clouds…”  
Alex followed the angle of his head, they’d been so busy talking they hadn’t noticed nightfall. The moon was shining bright and full at the lip of the glassed over depression they stood in. Karen thumped down the dirt block ridges from a high perch, her black eyes wide in the half-light.   
Alex watched the creeper wobble up to them and press her face into Herobrine’s hand. He petted her, smiling widely. “Who’s a fuzzy little bomber, huh? Hanging around in my garden just munching on dirt and sleeping all day?” He pushed down the striped sweater sock and scratched the creepers neck underneath. The griefer snickered as her paws thumped the dirt in time with his ministrations. Herobrine yawned widely, his long tongue rolling amidst his pointed teeth.   
“I feel like such a loaf.” He mused. “I used to do all my hunting at night. Now all I want to do is go sleep with Steve.”  
“Ah, but your helm keeps the light from blinding you, so you don’t have to hide from the daylight like you did before either. Besides, you and Steve would miss each other dearly if you always slept when he was awake. You’ve adjusted yourself for someone you love. He’d do the same for you, so I think it’s something you should be proud of.”  
“You’re right… and I’m not sure I’ve ever said this to you. But it’s been on my mind.” He fixed her with a steady gaze, and Alex found herself unconsciously searching for a pupil in that endless light. “Thank you Alex… for being my friend.”  
The archer swallowed a little lump in her throat. But when she opened her mouth to speak, Herobrine was already gone. 

* * * * * * * * * * 

Herobrine closed the bedroom door with a click and crept across the floor. It wasn’t entirely dark, and the glow from the lava pool threw his shadow dramatically against the wall. The god stripped off his pants and shoes; he shivered in a small draft, and chose to leave his shirt and socks on.   
He looked down at Steve, remembering all the times he’d stood at the end of some poor Testificate’s bed, feeding their nightmares and frightening them into screams and sweaty wakefulness. Only to hear them scream even more at the sight of his glowing visage waiting to pounce on them.   
His lover was curled into a ball, naked as a jay with an innocent smile on his face. The griefer brushed aside a few stray locks of his short auburn hair, twirling the soft strands in his fingers. “Herobrine…” Steve murmured in his sleep. The sleeping miner’s hand moved across the sheets, feeling the empty side of the bed. He frowned softly, his brow crinkled in sadness. With a sigh Herobrine slipped under the sheets. Letting Steve find him in the dark and scoot towards him. “I’m here,” the griefer whispered. He wrapped his arms around his sleeping lover and laid a gentle kiss on the flat top of his head.   
“Love you,” Steve mumbled in his sleep.   
Herobrine blinked away the touches of moisture around his eyes and snuggled the human closer. “I love you too. Goodnight Steve.”


	53. Ballistic Chicken

Steve woke up slowly; the sheets around him were faintly warm but empty. The noise that had woken him was the soft ‘tic tic tic’ of someone picking and placing stone blocks. He blinked as a shaft of sunlight found his eyes and bolted upright. The room they shared had no windows, and the sudden illumination panicked him. Herobrine was standing silhouetted in a hole he’d cut in the wall. Just beyond him was a crude balcony he’d made out of cobbles. The griefer was still clad only in his shirt and socks and was aggressively picking at a block above him.   
Steve rolled out of bed and walked towards him. “What are you doing?”  
He gestured upwards with his scythe, “there’s a chicken up there; it must have spawned on the ledge. I like eggs and I don’t like it sitting out there making noise. So I made a platform for it to fall on once I get up too it.”  
Above them came the bok bok of the chicken and an egg fell off the ledge, Steve deftly caught it.   
“Nice.”   
Steve cupped the griefer’s naked rear with one hand. “This is nicer. I’m glad you like your socks, they’re cute on you. But were you really too impatient to put on some pants before opening the wall? Or did you just like the idea of shaking your junk at the world from our mountaintop?”   
“Now that you mention it, I do like that.” The griefer grabbed himself with his free hand and defiantly shook his genitals at the swamp below. “Suck it world!” He gave Steve a sideways look, his eyes sparkling with mischief.   
The miner burst into laughter. “You’re awful!”  
“You love it.” The griefer turned back to the wall and stepped aside to avoid another egg; Steve made a diving catch and snatched it out of the air. Herobrine looked down at him, “you’re really good at that.”  
Steve had only a moment to point before the falling chicken collided with the gods head. The two of them spun gently for a moment as the griefer swatted at the fat bird that had hit him and was now pecking at his face. The miner snatched at the griefer’s foot, and then he screamed as Herobrine slipped off the ledge and fell from the tower. The chicken thumped to the floor and wandered off into the room. Steve scrambled to the edge and looked over it, his eyes immediately full of tears. He saw Alex race out of the stables and run to the god’s body as his inventory popped. She looked up helplessly, gathering his things and running for the stairs.   
Steve forced himself to go back into the dark room. He knelt on the floor and stared at the bed with hollow eyes, willing with all his might for Herobrine to re-spawn. Alex burst into the room. She saw the naked miner and blinked at the sight of the chicken.   
“He fell,” was all Steve could manage to choke out.  
Alex held her breath; she stared at the rumpled bed, praying silently.   
There was a flickering of lights so quick she wasn’t sure it had not been her imagination. A small cluster of sparks formed above the surface of the bed. It soon became a ball, and then a floating carpet of fire, but it did not burn the sheets below. Herobrine fell from the flames and hit the bed with a soft thump. The hovering inferno vanished and Steve raced to his side.   
The griefer woke with a feral growl. He spit a string of numbers vehemently as he sat up. The chicken jumped up on the bed and Herobrine snatched at it, baring his teeth like an animal. He seemed to see Steve for the first time, and sighed in relief. “Damn that hurt. Hey! I lost my socks! DAMMIT!” Herobrine was now naked apart from his shirt and he shook his fists in fury.   
Alex scooted over quickly and emptied her inventory. “It’s okay. I picked up your loot for you. You basically fell on the ceiling of my room.”   
The chicken wandered close again and Herobrine grabbed at it, pulling off a few feathers and making it squawk. He flipped the bird at the bird. And Steve slid onto the bed next to him. “What should we name our new chicken?” Steve asked mildly.   
“Lunch,” Herobrine snarled, “because it got me killed.”  
“Hey, go easy, its okay.” Steve said softly. “At least now you know Jeb wasn’t lying to you. You really are patched. No more paralysis.”   
Herobrine grumbled, “I’m still mad.”   
Steve stroked his folded arms, “I know you are, but you don’t have to be, and you can be mad anytime.”   
Alex watched spellbound and silent as the griefer visibly cooled under his lovers touch. The sour frown the god wore melted into a love-struck grin. She wondered if Steve even realized how much power he actually had over the god he claimed to worship. The archer smiled wistfully, Herobrine was having none of it. The god snuggled up to the human like the most loyal of hounds.  
Steve seemed to slowly realize, that he was still naked, and Herobrine had nothing on but a shirt. He crossed his legs and apologized.   
Alex snorted, “Its nothing I haven’t seen before.”  
“Yeah, Alex… I’ve been meaning to ask you something. Sorry if it’s uncouth.”  
“What is it Steve?”   
“What’s the actual difference between men and women?”


	54. Shifting Uncomfortably

Alex froze and Herobrine’s blissful eyes popped open. “Have you never seen a naked woman my lamb?”   
Steve turned pink down to his neck. “No,” he said softly. “Alex is the only female and the only other living human I’ve ever encountered. I know the Testificate males are the same as me because they saw me nude and told me as much. Are human females like Testificate females? Or more like their herms?”  
The archer’s mouth opened and shut a few times. Steve’s innocence floored her. Herobrine was wearing a poker face, trying not to hurt his feelings. Alex coughed uneasily. “Well, the differences are anatomy in the usual sense, and attitude for gender-fluid types. You’ve got a stick and I’ve got a slot. I’m not into sex myself, and I’m not getting naked to show you.” She pointed at the griefer who seemed to panic when the attention was shifted to him. “If you want to see what a woman looks like, have Herobrine transform for you. I’m sure he can do it.” The god’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “But no sex, unless you want kids.” The griefer bared his teeth. “And for Herobrine to hate you…”   
Alex straightened her clothing nervously and excused herself from the suddenly chilly room.   
Steve looked at Herobrine who regarded him uneasily. “Would you do that for me? I’m not trying to humiliate you. I just feel like a fool for not knowing such a simple thing.”  
“Humiliate? Are you implying there’s something disgraceful about being female? Because if you are; you’d deserve the beat-down Alex would give you for saying that. I just don’t like having the wrong genitals. It’s really uncomfortable. In that way a vagina is no better then a dragon’s cloacae. It’s just not what my brain says is supposed to be there.” His voice trailed off. Steve was just looking at him sadly.  
“Okay, I won’t ask you again.”  
The griefer shifted around uncomfortably. He’d asked Steve to put up with so much worse and the human hardly ever asked for anything in return. Herobrine sighed, hanging his head in defeat. “…I’ll do it. You know I’d do anything for you. But Alex is right, no sex. If you get me pregnant I might not be able to change back until it’s over and I do not want children. We have enough responsibilities as it is.”   
The miner brightened, folding up his legs and watching intently. “Thank you Herobrine.”   
The god grumbled, pulling his shirt off. He laid his hands over his face and drew them downward; erasing his male features and replacing them with their opposite. He tucked himself in and moved his hands away from his small bush. Steve scooted up to him, “can I... touch it?”  
“Yeah, knock yourself out. I don’t want to do this again.”  
The miner explored the two pixel slot with one thick finger. It was wet and warm and far more slack then what he was used too. “Is it supposed to be slimy?”  
“Yes. Women can prep themselves without slime-balls. It’s a useful trick.”  
“Interesting,” the human twiddled his finger in the hole, pushing it deeper. He fairly jumped when the griefer let out a small moan of pleasure. The god moved under him so Steve was hitting a small lump inside.   
“Just… press right when the bump is. Oh… that feels amazing.”   
Mystified, Steve tried rubbing the pixel in question. Herobrine bit back a small croon. He gasped, “You know that little spot I hit inside of your ass when we make love? On a woman it’s right there in the front.”  
“Really…?”   
Herobrine realized he didn’t like the wicked look in his normally innocent doubles eyes. The human moved too quickly for him to protest, burying his face in the griefer’s crotch. He attacked the spot with his mouth, sucking and licking on it as his lover thrust his hips upward. Herobrine twitched uncontrollably as the miner lavished affection on his tiny clit. The human was trying his hardest to make his lover come while in this strange form. He recognized the familiar sounds of the god having an orgasm, but the lack of a discharge confused him. So Steve doubled his efforts, thinking that Herobrine was actually just close and needed a bit more. The griefer’s teeth gritted as he gasped for air, his whole body bucking and seizing under the assault on his flesh. His fingers grabbed the miner’s broad shoulders, pressing hard enough to bruise. He’d come four times already and his enthusiastic lover was making him rawer then fresh beef. He dragged Steve’s head away from his body desperately. “Steve! Steve! Dammit! Bedrock!”  
The miner instantly stopped and backed off like the god had taught him. His mouth was pursed in a little frown. “Was that bad Herobrine? I was just trying to make you come.”   
“I did cum you mutton-head!” He paused, trying to slow his racing thoughts. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t call you mean names. Women don’t come like men do; there isn’t a big obvious spurt of fluid. It’s more like a rolling wave of muscle contractions.”   
“Well that’s no fun; I rather like you coming on or in me.”   
Herobrine touched his sweet pouting face gently. “I know you do, and I count myself quite lucky in that case. I’m surprised you didn’t try to wear down Alex or hook up with a Testificate long before I came along.”   
“Maybe I knew I was waiting for someone.” Steve whispered. “And that my hearts would always belong to him alone.”  
The gods own hearts skipped a beat, falling into synch with their fellows beneath his lover's ribs.   
“My curiosity is more then satisfied. May I have my Herobrine back as he was meant to be?” The god sighed in relief, and there was the barest ripple of light as he shifted back.  
“Is it really that bad?”   
“It’s just not what it should be Steve. I think you would be equally unhappy if I removed your cock or gave you an appendage you shouldn’t have.”  
Steve frowned in thought, “that would be horrible, except…”  
“Except what?”   
“I always wondered what the creature my armor was made from looked like while it was alive. I’d be a hell of a lot braver if I had a rage monster form like you do.”  
The gods expression was grave, “you’d hate it. It’s painful to shift that much.”  
“Even if you led me in a hallucination like you used too?”   
“I… don’t know. I’ve never turned someone into something else voluntarily. When you do it the other way they scream whether it hurts or not.”  
A small part of Steve’s mind was raging at him for even suggesting this, but the same curiosity that led him to first summon the demon in front of him stomped out his voice of reason.   
“And it won’t last for long,” Herobrine continued. “Your natural shape should reassert itself pretty quickly.” His voice trailed off, “you don’t care do you? You just want to stomp around and roar at things, don’t you?”  
The human’s eyes were larger and bluer then he’d ever seen them. “It’s a thing that roars?”   
At that point Herobrine knew he’d lost. He motioned for Steve to stand up. “Fine, I’ll do this. But if you attack me; I’ll be angry for a long time. I don’t know how your second skin will behave either, so don’t put your clothes on. Just put on your helmet and your rib plate and I’ll form it around you.”  
Excited and just a little afraid, Steve made himself ready and faced the griefer. Herobrine talked softly, soothing the miner as he ran gentle hands over his vulnerable body. “This is going to be easier then it ever was before, and it’s a good thing since I don’t have a visual reference for this. I actually want you to close your eyes so you don’t panic. Please tell me if I’m hurting you as well.”  
Steve forced himself not to jog in place as the god worked his magick. Herobrine drew over the form of his lover, shifting pixels and drawing claws around his fingers. Eyes were shifted up into the holes of his helm as a snout was drawn from the flat plane of the human’s face. Steve’s eyes popped open inadvertently at the alien sensation of the god drawing a long whippy tail out of his spine. His back felt cricked and Herobrine pushed him forward, making the vertebra lock at an angle to the tail. He was standing balanced on delicate tiptoes with his elongated head stretched forward and balanced by his new tail. Herobrine circled him, coating Steve’s soft skin with scales and making some little adjustments before stepping back.   
His expression was a bit worried, “are you alright in there? I’m really surprised I can interfere with your coding this deeply and not get a reaction.”  
Unable to speak with the thick reptilian tongue, Steve sent him some loud thoughts as a reply. ‘No, I feel fine. It doesn’t hurt and it feels really natural actually.’  
The griefer gulped, “you don’t feel isolated at all? I understand it’s a smaller body then the dragon I occupied. But I’m shocked you don’t feel out of place. I know you willingly submitted to this and maybe that makes a bigger difference then I thought, but it still feels wrong. Have your fun and change back. I think this was a really bad idea.”   
Steve made as good of a pout as his muzzle would allow.   
“But that should answer your question. They were called raptors and I’m glad Notch nixed them because they were far too deadly to exist with humans."   
Steve looked down at his hands, feeling over the thick claws that served as the last two joints of his fingers. He rubbed what he could reach of his elongated face; it was all teeth and smooth scales. He bounced on his toes, clicking a pair of huge sickle claws against the floor. Steve tried to speak but it felt like his tongue was too thick, the words coming out in birdlike coughs. So he sent more thoughts instead, and Herobrine listened intently.   
‘I feel so light. Like I could leap into trees and just run forever.’  
The griefer wrung his hands in consternation, his bad feeling was getting worse, and he needed to dissuade the transformed human from going outside. He coughed nervously, “that may well be the case my lamb, but I fear it would make our neighbors panic; and possibly get you shot by our own guards. This form has less hearts then a human body too. I’m betting you’re locked out of your inventory as well. But who needs a sword when you have scythes on your feet?”  
Steve looked down at the claws in question, experimentally tapping them on the floor. He tried a little kick and slashed the air in front of him effortlessly. Light as a feather, he did a skipping run around the room, leaping over the water part of their tub as if it were a mere puddle. The transformed human seemed to suddenly notice the griefer who watched him with trepidation. He hunkered down, creeping low as if he would sneak up on the god and pounce him.   
“What did I say?” Herobrine warned him softly. The raptor lowered his hands and crouched on the floor. ‘Sorry, I got a little too excited. You’re so warm, it’s like I can feel your hearts thrusting the blood around your body from all the way over here. I need too…’ A wave of sickening dizziness slammed the reptilian miner. He let himself flop on the floor.   
Herobrine brightened; he ran a gentle hand along his lover’s snout. “That’s what I was waiting for. I know it hurts, but it’s just your normal shape trying to reassert itself. He rubbed along the raptors heaving side. “There, there, it won’t take long.” After a long moment of waiting, Steve’s pain seemed to pass, leaving him simply laying there.   
The god could no longer ignore the creeping dread, the words slipped out before he could stop himself. “You should have shifted back by now.” The dinosaur froze, and Herobrine felt a nauseating wave of guilt break over him at the sound of his lover’s tiny voice in his head.   
‘I thought you said I couldn’t hold another form? How do I get back to normal?’  
The griefer's pulse thundered in his ears as he tried not to panic. He ran his hands over Steve’s face trying to reshape it. But where the pixels had smoothly conformed before; now they resisted him. The reptilian form was as solid as if the miner had been born into it. The blue eyes turned so trustingly up to him, claws scrabbling uselessly against the stone floor.  
‘Please help me.’  
The griefer tore at his own hair, his beloved was stuck in the body of a beast and it was all his stupid fault. His answer was equally desperate. “I… don’t know how.”   
Steve’s mouth fell open, he groveled on the floor, pressing his body against it and the griefer who had failed to hold back his own hot tears. Herobrine swore in little strings of numbers. “I’ll fix this, we’ll find a way, figure something out.”  
‘Herobrine, I’m scared.’  
He hesitated, but his lover deserved nothing but the truth. “I’m scared too. But being afraid doesn’t mean a problem is impossible to solve.”   
‘Please hold me.’  
The god wrapped his arms around the scaly beast, and sat, all his hearts breaking as he listened to Steve weep forlornly.


	55. Blood On The Snow

When the miner had quieted down a little; Herobrine asked him to just hide in their room while he went to ask the only other person he trusted for advice.  
Alex leaped in terror when Herobrine teleported in next to her bed. She flung the book she’d been reading at him instinctively and the cats scattered in alarm. To her surprise Herobrine made no move to evade the object and let the book hit him squarely in the face. It thumped to the floor and Alex regarded him with confusion.  
“I’m sorry. But you really startled me. Why didn’t you just get out of the way?”  
“Because I deserve much worse then being hit,” he said glumly. “Alex… I need your help. Do you know anyone who can restore a broken player?”  
“You mean a glitch healer? Why did you want that? I thought fixing your glitch at this point would probably kill you.”  
“I’m not the one who needs it.”  
Alex shot up off the bed. “Did you glitch Steve? How could you!”  
Herobrine hung his head in shame. “Steve asked me to transform him, lead him in a dream like we used too. But my powers are so much stronger now. He’s stuck and I can’t change him back.”  
The archer digested the news grimly. “There is a place. A temple in the high hills of the snow biome you and Steve fled through to escape the villagers. Their mistress is an expert in martial arts and can safely perform the reset maneuver. If it’s done wrong the victim can lose parts of their memories and even die as a result. There is no one else near as qualified as Lady Nessie.”  
“Good, I want to be gone and get back before anyone realizes there is a problem. I don’t need remnants of Slagathor’s army attacking the village while I’m not here. I don’t want any company either. I’m sorry Alex but I need you to trust me. Steve doesn’t want anyone to see him like this. I’m going to go back to my bedroom now and I need you to clear the floors of everyone between there and the roof garden so we can get away unseen.”  
The woman swallowed hard, “I’ll do this for you Herobrine, but if you come back without Steve…”  
Herobrine finished the archer’s sentence for her- “Then I will likely be ready for death and submit humbly to whatever punishment you wish to dole out.” 

* * * * * * * * * * 

The god returned to the room with a half-chest strapped to his back. He shed his bright armor and helm and wrapped a black scarf like a hood around his head. Steve was crying on the cold stone floor, still dinosaur-shaped and curled into as much of a ball as his lanky body would allow. The griefer felt his hearts breaking at the sight of his lover’s pain. He put strong arms around the raptor and lifted him to his chest. Steve hung limp, making small, gasping sobs. The god tried his best to soothe him. “Oh, don’t cry sweet lamb. I’m going to make you human again if it kills me. We’re going to get you fixed, leaving right now. Hang on tight because this will probably make you feel sick.” He gritted his sharp teeth, making the calculations that would allow him to clip solid objects and move like an Enderman without the sparkles.  
The raptor clung to him, sobbing brokenly as they hop teleported to the top of the tower. Standing on the glass ceiling, Herobrine threw them over the vast divide between the tower and the mountains. He made a beeline for the sparse trees and the pair was soon lost from sight.  
The god looked at the raptor he was carrying, the poor creatures eyes were puffy from crying and the vivid blue of Steve’s irises looked out of place amidst the green scales. The griefer slowed to a walk and then stopped. “Can I put you down now? We’ll make better time if I’m not carrying you.” The creature nodded, sniffling softly. His thoughts were a mass of internal agony and it hurt Herobrine to hear them.  
‘If you killed me, is there a chance I’d respawn in my right body?’  
“I doubt it, I think it’s more likely to make this permanent because you will have been saved and regenerated in this form.”  
Steve shivered, dragging his toe claws in the dirt. ‘I’m so scared. I can’t live like this. I want to be human again.’  
Herobrine could barely breathe for the pain coming off his lover in waves. But he needed to be strong for Steve’s sake so the human wouldn’t lose hope. “You’ll be yourself again. This pathetic griefer WILL fix the beautiful thing he’s ruined.” He looked up at the rapidly darkening sky. “Come on. We should run, I don’t want to set a point for you by sleeping, and I’m sure you can keep up with me for a little while at least.” Herobrine broke into a sprint and the raptor loped along beside him with minimal effort.  
The forested ridge became a snowy biome and the plains on the other side of the high ridge turned into verdant jungle. The mobs were starting to spawn in and the pair sprinted deftly around them rather then fight. As dawn approached; a lone skeleton wearing chain mail armor appeared in their path. He drew back a bow and sank an arrow into Steve’s muzzle. The stricken creature gave a squall of pain and lost his footing.  
Without missing a beat; Herobrine descended like a death angel on the hapless undead and battered him to dust with his scythe.  
He rushed to his lover’s side. The raptor shrieked in pain. The arrow had pierced through the top of his jaw and the arrow head was jabbing his tongue as he tried in vain to close his aching mouth. Steve thrashed as Herobrine fought to keep his head still.  
‘It hurts so much!’  
“I can’t pull it out if you won’t stay still!” The god used one hand to wedge open the dinosaur’s jaws and the other to break off the shaft of the arrow. The raptor bucked, maddened with pain, and snapped his teeth down on the bare wrist between them.  
Herobrine screamed as the razor teeth sank into his thick wrist, nearly severing his hand. The lava-hot blood flooded Steve’s mouth, sliding down his throat and bringing him back to his senses.  
The stunned raptor could only watch in horror as the god yanked the feathered shaft from his head and collapsed heavily onto the ground. He cradled his injury, whimpering as his shirt was soaked in blood. His blank white eyes locked with Steve’s, and his good hand seized the raptors paw with a diamond grip. “Don’t do anything dumb. I’m not angry. At least,” he hissed in pain, “you didn’t bite it off.”  
Steve choked, he was horribly ashamed of what he’d just done, and the fact that the griefer’s blood was delicious only made him feel worse. ‘I feel like a monster!’ He wailed internally. ‘I know you were trying to help, I just couldn’t stop myself.”  
Herobrine gave him a sad smile. “And how many times, sweet lamb, have you forgiven me when I said the same words to you?” Herobrine pulled out some beef and offered the dinosaur a chunk.  
Steve took it with trembling claws and ate it in two bites, feeling the pain in his face gradually subside. The god chewed his food, trying to speed up the healing in his wrist. He heard the wet slurp of Steve using his long tongue to clean the blood from his muzzle.  
The creature saw him watching and whimpered in his mind. ‘I’m sorry Herobrine; I can’t reach my face to wipe it off.’  
“And it tastes good, doesn’t it?”  
The raptor ducked his head miserably.  
“Now, now, I’m not being mean. I've always liked the taste of blood. You need something raw from time to time, helps you feel more vital and alive. You should make use of this opportunity to grab some prey and have it as is. I presume you’ve had raw meat before now?”  
‘Only because I was desperate and starving. To my shame I’ve eaten zombie meat for the same reasons.’  
The god pricked his ears and leaned back to look around a nearby tree, and pointed. “There you go, get that pig. Go and eat it while I heal.”  
The raptor waffled for a moment, but hunger ultimately won out. On stealthy toes he approached the oblivious pig. He hopped nimbly into the air and tackled the now squealing porker, kicking it with his foot claws. It popped and he gobbled the raw chop messily. The transformed miner padded back through the dusting of snow to where the griefer was sitting. Herobrine was licking a bracelet of bloody holes around his wrist. Steve hunkered down next to him and pushed back the fabric of the griefer's hood with his nose. The god leaned into his touch as the raptor nuzzled his hair with its face.  
‘I’m sorry I bit you.’  
Herobrine put his left arm around Steve and drew him as close as the scaly body would allow. “It’s just a scratch.” He looked at the dinosaur’s soulful eyes. “I’m the one who should be sorry Steve, but I’ll make it up to you somehow. My sweet lamb deserves so much better then this mangy old wolf.”  
Steve pushed his long head into the gods lap. ‘I forgive you. I always have and I always will.’  
The griefer mopped his eyes with the tail of his scarf.  
‘I love you Herobrine.’  
The god disguised the catch in his throat with a small cough, but the tears that fell softly on Steve’s scales betrayed his hearts. “I love you too Steve. Far more then I’ve ever loved myself. You make me want to be better, just to earn the affection you so selflessly give me.” He looked down at his wrist, the holes were still deep but they’d ceased oozing.  
Herobrine lifted himself up, “I'm sorry. I know you're probably exhausted. But we need to keep moving, we’ll freeze if we just sit still and a fire might draw the wrong kind of attention."


	56. The Loched Temple

The wind from the snow biome chilled them to the bone as they ran along the high ridge. The griefer threw a woolly blanket over Steve and it flapped like a cape in the wind as he ran while holding the corners at his throat. The god was doubly grateful for the warm toe socks his mate had kitted him. His shoes were soaked from the snow they crunched underfoot. Steve was starting to shiver, his steps uneven in the slush. He toppled to the ground and Herobrine ran to him.  
‘I’m so cold.’  
The god looked critically at the rapidly freezing raptor. He didn’t like what he would have to do, but he’d run out of other options. Herobrine had already trapped his trusting double in an animal’s body. He’d go back to the Nether before he’d let Steve freeze to death. With a groan, he slung the dinosaur over his shoulders and stood. The god closed his glowing eyes and let his glitch take him. Not entirely, but enough to toast his skin and keep the beast that was his lover warm and alive.  
He staggered for hours and even the mobs avoided him. Herobrine’s look of angry determination alone was enough to scatter them. His legs were burning; every pixel of his skin felt roasted and he was pretty sure the soles of his shoes had melted smooth. His hair was singed and stinking and his hood crackled with tiny jabs of painful static discharge.  
He was almost relieved when a Testificate stepped out of the woods and nocked an arrow before pointing it at him. They called for the stranger to halt and then froze in terror as they realized what they were looking at.  
The hooded face turned upward to regard them balefully. The eyes were dead white, terrifyingly empty, and they lit up the smoking hood that half-concealed them. His right hand was stained with blood and his shirt was soaked and stiff with more of the same.  
The Testificate knew the beast from old stories; the Lord of Tears, Herobrine, the Griefer King. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the demon was carrying some kind of monster on his back. It was lean and reptilian with a trailing tail, and dangling claws lay limply over the god’s shoulders. The wide toothy maw was hanging slightly open. Herobrine just watched the villager for a long, silent moment as the snow blocks turned to podzol under his feet.  
Herobrine’s teeth were chattering pathetically despite the heat on his skin. His tone was resigned. “Please don’t shoot me with that. I won’t die and I’m already in a lot of pain. My friend is freezing and needs to be reset. I’m looking for a monastery that should be near here. Can you help us?”  
The Testificate stood there stunned and unsure before lowering their bow. Finally they said, “I am Zile, and I will take you to the temple. If the stories are correct you could destroy us all anyway. So I really have no choice but to help you.”  
The griefers smile was small and touched with sadness. “We all have choices, thank you for making the compassionate one. Please lead the way.”  
As they approached the gates Zile ran ahead to warn the guards on the walls. Herobrine was allowed to enter with his burden but faced a vanguard of monks with staves, swords, and spears on either side of him. They led him into a small room full of wool blocks and gave them blankets before shutting them in.  
Zile pushed their head into the room a moment later. “Please rest and get warm, Lady Nessie will see you as soon as she’s found.”  
Herobrine stood there with Steve still slung over his shoulders, this was going to be painful. His muscles had long-since locked in place and he felt as if his stiff limbs were being wrenched from their sockets as he let Steve down slowly. The raptor’s pulse was steady, and he breathed a sigh of relief. His entire skin was cooked dark and painfully dry. He let his glitch cool and shivered as his internal temperature balanced itself out. He lay down next to the dinosaur and pressed their foreheads together. “Wake up Steve; Give me a sign so I know you’re okay in there.”  
The blue eyes creaked open, ‘am I really warm, or are we slowly freezing to death?’  
Herobrine wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, rubbing him lovingly. ‘No sweet lamb, I carried you. We’re safely at the Loched temple.”  
Steve focused on him and hissed in alarm. The clawed hands grasped the griefer tightly. ‘You look so burnt! What happened to you!?’  
“Is it that bad? I feel like toast. I used my glitch to keep us from freezing, but I cooked my skin in the process.” Steve looked stricken, his lip trembling. “But you know me,” he continued. “I’m tough; once I get someplace less flammable; I’ll heal it like I always do. The important thing is that I got you where you need to be to get your cure. How are you feeling anyway?”  
The raptor's look conveyed his misery. ‘I feel cold, I feel hideous and scaly.’ He gave a small coughing sob. ‘I hate this body so much. All I want to do is kiss you, but I can’t even do that. I feel like I’m trapped in a bag and all I want to do is roll up and cry.’  
Herobrine gathered Steve into his lap, “you cry if you need too, there’s no shame in it. I’ll stay right here beside you and keep you warm. This is all my fault and I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”  
‘Just stay with me, no matter what. Promise me.’  
“I promise.”  
There was a soft tap on the door and Zile poked their head in again. The Testificate was flanked by a pair of monks that were built like iron golems, “Lady Nessie will see you now.”  
The Testificates led the raptor and the griefer into a nicely-appointed room and bade them wait. The far wall sported a shrine containing a single dirt block with the most lush grass top either of them had ever seen. Beyond it was a glass window overlooking the snow biome below. Herobrine’s expression turned grave at the sight of it. “That’s not good,” he muttered.  
‘Why, what does a dirt block signify?’  
“It means they worship my absent brother Notch. They may agree to help you, but try to kill me.”


	57. Ctrl + Alt + Del

Steve growled, baring his fangs, ‘over my dead body.’  
“Calm yourself young adventurer. The only violence here is what penitents bring with them and often leave without.”  
Herobrine’s breath caught in his throat as he and Steve stared at the beautiful Testificate woman who had spoken. She was the only one they’d ever seen with hair. It was snowy white and trailed down her back, sweeping the floor. Her robe was a simple brown that hugged her generous figure and her voice was like the soft chiming of bells. “Lord Herobrine, may I ask you how your… friend became so transformed?”   
The griefer slumped, “I’m no Lord, I barely deserve to be called his friend. He was wearing some ancient armor made out of bones and asked me what the living beast looked like. Now he can’t change back. Alexsezia has told me you can do a reset on players.”  
The woman froze for a moment at the name. “We know of her, as we know of you. The child of Jeb and Notch is greatly respected amongst us. Her time here was brief but good for all our souls. She’s blossomed into a fine woman, Notch be praised.”  
Herobrine winced as the name was said, and Nessie noticed immediately. “Surely just the name of our creator doesn’t hurt you?”  
“I am trying to better myself and forgive those who hurt me in the past. But I would prefer not to talk about my brother who tried to destroy me.”   
She nodded sagely, “I understand. Family is always a complex web of love and hate.” Nessie stepped so smoothly she seemed to glide across the pale quartz floor. She put her hands out to the fearsome raptor. “Will you allow me to heal you Steven?”   
Steve glanced back and the griefer gave the barest nod, both unsettled by the lady guessing his identity correctly. He submitted to the soft hands that explored his face and neck. Her fingers were like questing spiders and she pushed softly on his eye-ridges. She put a hand low, “can you balance well enough to put your right foot in my hand?”   
Mystified, Steve did as he was bade and tried not to laugh as her fingers tickled over the surface of his wide toes. She got one finger under the first joint and another under the second. Then Lady Nessie reached around his head with her other hand. Her gaze was intense and her eyes were as green as the grass on her shrine, “listen carefully, if I do this wrong you could lose months of your memory. So I need you to stay perfectly still and visualize being in your real body as strongly as possible."   
Herobrine cocked his head. Internally Steve was still weeping, he was terrified, but wanted to be cured so badly it was painful to think about. He squeezed his blue eyes closed, ‘tell her I’m ready.’  
The griefer translated for the mute raptor, “he’s ready; do it.”   
Nessie dug her fingers into his toe joints and he cheeped in alarm. At the same time she jabbed at the left side of his head, nearly poking him in the eye. Then she let go of Steve and stepped back.  
The raptor wobbled on one foot for a moment and then put it down slowly. But as the toes touched the floor they turned black, and the shadow spread over his entire body. Herobrine made to go to him, hearing Steve screaming in his own mind, but Nessie restrained him as easily as a child. “Don’t touch him until it’s finished.”  
The raptor was just a black shape, a hole into the void, and then he shaded blue, flickering wildly. There was a cracking sound and the shape of the dinosaur melted away in blue pixels that dissolved before they touched the cobbles. Steve staggered forward and fell to the floor, still naked but for his helm and ribbed plate. Nessie let go of Herobrine, who literally teleported the short distance between them. He scooped the human into his arms and rocked him while murmuring apologies and declarations of love. He stripped the bone armor from his mate and stowed it. Then Herobrine flipped to a blanket in his inventory and wrapped his lover. Steve clung to him like a frightened child.  
“Do you need some clothes Steve?” Nessie asked gently.   
The miner coughed, raspy from going days without speaking. “No, I have some in my inventory, I just don’t want to let go of my god to put them on.” Herobrine picked up his jaw, “I don’t deserve that title either my love.”   
“Yes you do. You put yourself through such agony for me. I’m grateful.”  
Herobrine was at a loss for words so he gave Steve a kiss instead, and then another, and another. As if he would kiss every tiny square on his lovers face. “I missed you,” the griefer sputtered, “the sound of your voice, the smell of your hair, the feel of your warm skin against mine. Please never ask me to transform you again.”   
Steve smiled widely, returning his tender affections. “I won’t, and I won’t ask for you to change for me either. I never realized how miserable it is to not look like how you feel you should inside.”  
The human looked up from the bundle of blankets to the serene Testificate that was silently watched them. “Thank you Lady Nessie. I owe you so much, how can I ever repay you for restoring me?”  
She looked at Herobrine. The fearsome griefers face looked careworn and relieved. His bright eyes fairly sparkled as he gazed on his double. His strong arms were wrapped protectively around Steve, and she could see love in every angle and curve of his form.   
Nessie looked back at the trusting human that lay so peacefully in the monsters arms. “What you’ve already done is something I never thought I’d see in a million years.” She caught Herobrine’s eye, daring to stare into the empty, endless void of light inside him. “Steve, you make the Lord of Tears smile. That’s something beyond even my magick. Even Notch could not cure his brother’s loneliness. In that way you’ve already done something wonderful for all of us.”   
Herobrine snorted softly, his skin still hurt abominably and being talked around annoyed him. Nessie gave him a deep bow, “no disrespect intended, Lor- Herobrine.”  
“None taken.”  
“But you also appear to be injured. Do you need to be reset as well?”  
Herobrine’s horrified reaction was so strong internally that it jolted Steve. The very thought of being reset terrified him. “No,” he said firmly. “I like being glitched. Fixing it now might actually kill me. I’ll pass.”  
“Well, perhaps something more prosaic? Food for healing perhaps?”   
“I just need a safe place to drop two cubes of lava and I’ll heal myself. But a bed would also be more then welcome.”   
“Easily done.”   
Nessie clapped her hands and Zile came back in. The Testificates eyes boggled at the sight of the god holding an almost identical copy of himself in his arms. Nessie gave him some instructions and pointed down the hallway. Steve tied the blanket around his waist and hung back a moment as his double followed Zile out of the room.   
“Lady, if I may be so bold,” he began. “You seem to know a lot about the structure of the world seed. Can you tell me why I was trapped in that form? Herobrine seemed to think that I would change back on my own quite quickly.”  
Her look was beatific, “Oh, that’s simple. Herobrine has more power to shape the world then even he realizes. You approached him with a request to be transformed, and submitted willingly to having your pixels shifted. And you were wearing not one, but two totems ripped from the body of what you wanted to be. The world seed read that as a request for a permanent species change. Now that you’ve rejected it, even if he shifted you again, it wouldn’t stick. You’d snap back into a human shape within an hour at least.” She read this thoughtful expression. “Herobrine gave you that armor, didn’t he?”  
Steve nodded softly.  
“I thought so. Don’t discard the griefer’s gift. It’s perfectly safe to wear and surely stronger then even diamond. He was a master crafter in the beginning, and no one is more worthy to wear his work then the one who loves him.” She paused. “I saw the marks on his wrist. I pray you did not bite him in anger while you were clad in reptile skin?”  
The miner’s face drooped with sorrow. “It was the act of an animal mad with pain, and I regret it deeply.”  
The ladies reply was soft. “He may have some difficulty making it heal. It is not in the Herobrine’s nature to love, it leaves him very vulnerable to physical harm. As his mate you could strike a killing blow that no one else could achieve.”  
Steve backed away in horror, “I would never… not for you, Notch, or anyone else!”  
“Calm yourself, I’m not suggesting any course of action. I understand how much you mean to each other. But I am warning you in case you’re prone to violence when you get angry. Another could strike him with a sword and cause him a little pain. A blow from you could cut him in half. You’ve been given a mighty power Steve. Be gentle with Herobrine. The love bond of a god is supernaturally strong, but their hearts break just as easily as human ones.”  
Steve stared at her, disbelieving, but knowing it was probably true. He was responsible for the god and had been given a power to match that trust.   
Nessie pushed him gently, “go to your lover. He’ll be in the room at the far end of the hall. We’ll talk more later if you wish.”   
She watched the miner leave the room and shut the door behind him. Only when she heard another door open and close outside did she turn to her shrine. She pressed her hands into the soft grass of the enshrined block.   
“I just thought you should know your brother is here, and he really has changed. I know you only did it because Herobrine begged and Jeb wanted to be merciful; but sparing the last Steve was the right thing to do. His creation may have been gruesome, but it laid the foundation for the kind of love poets write epics about.”  
Nessie stayed for a moment, but received no visible answer. That was still acceptable to her. After all, she was only the messenger for her god.


	58. Just a Warm Up

Steve closed the door to the room they’d been given. The rugs had been pulled up and stacked in the corner to expose the stone floor. There was a bed and a chest with food and drink inside. Herobrine was laying in a two block hole the size of a grave surrounded by lava. He was distracted and didn’t hear Steve enter right away.  
His face was painted with worry and he was dunking his right hand in the glowing slurry and then checking it repeatedly. Steve coughed lightly and the griefer started at the sound. He stuck his hand quickly under the surface.  
Steve hitched up the blanket he was wearing as a toga and sat down at the edge of the pool. “Herobrine please let me see your wrist.”  
“I didn’t want to tell you, but you’ll see it eventually anyway.” He held up his hand for inspection and Steve cradled it in his own. To his surprise the human kissed his still warm wounds. Despite the lava bath the griefers arm still had not entirely healed, and he sported a ragged bracelet of scars on his flesh from Steve’s raptor teeth.  
“I’m sorry Herobrine; Nessie told me that any wound that I gave you in anger would take a long time to heal. She says that Herobrine is not meant to love or be loved and that makes you very vulnerable to me harming you.”  
“I suspected as much, it’s probably a safety measure in case I need to be put down like a rabid dog again.”  
The human rubbed the griefer's injured hand gently, “but it also means that if you were broken beyond repair I could end your suffering.”  
Herobrine regarded him gravely. “You’re right… It’s hard not to think people are always looking to take advantage of you when you know that they're afraid of you anyway.”  
Steve grinned, “we’ll teach them differently then. This place is isolated; since they still fear you they probably don’t know about our village yet.”  
“But if they’re old-fashioned they might hate me even more for trying to interfere in their affairs.”  
Steve looked crestfallen. “Oh, perhaps it’s best not to mention it then.”  
“Agreed, and we shouldn’t overstay our welcome…” Herobrine stopped suddenly, his face twitching. He sneezed explosively and Steve jumped. The griefer sniffled, rubbing the slits of his nostrils in irritation.  
The human stared at him in total shock, “are you sick? I’ve seen you drink poison intentionally, how is that even possible?”  
The griefer sank deeper into the lava, pouring a handful of the molten stone over his head and scrubbing it through his hair. “I think it’s from unbalancing my glitch for so long. I cooked on the outside but my insides got too cold. It’s the reason I’m sitting here, I’m trying to raise my body temperature. Really, I’ve had worse, I’m just glad my skin healed. I felt like every pixel was horribly sun-burnt.”  
Steve put his hands on his hips, “well you can’t just sit there all day. I’ll make you something warm so you can get out of that hole. The human stood up and changed back into his regular clothes. He pulled the bed closer to the pit and began flicking wool balls out of his inventory and onto the sheets. The miner retrieved his cane kitting needles and flopped on the bed.  
Herobrine watched as he started several fresh rows of color, throwing the strands effortlessly from one hand to the other. Since they were the same size, periodically Steve would stop to measure part of the mass in his lap against his torso or arms. Before long the blobs of color took on distinctive shapes and the crafter cast them off one by one. Finally he wiped the sweat from his brow and put the bare needles away.  
Reluctantly Herobrine crawled like a swamp monster out of the lava and submitted to the human dressing him from head to foot. He was given long woolly underwear, an ugly over-sized sweater in red and green stripes, a purple scarf with hand pockets on each end and an obnoxiously fuzzy mint green hat that Herobrine would rather choke then admit he liked.  
He gave a small sneeze and burrowed deeper into the warm clothing his lamb had gifted him with.  
Steve kissed him, “is that better?”  
He leaned into the kiss, feeling his double’s soft lips that he’d missed so dearly. He pulled his lover close and wrapped him in his arms. “You make everything better, now and always; my beloved Steve.”  
The rough miner blushed sweetly. “You always talk so nicely to me and I’m never sure what to say to you. Despite all that’s happened, Herobrine, you always make me feel safe.” Steve snuggled down into the folds of the griefer’s sweater. “Even when things go wrong you always stick around to make them right again. It means a lot to me that you still cared about me when I was a big ugly lizard and no good for love-making.”  
Herobrine felt his eyes getting misty again; he pressed his face into Steve’s soft hair and murmured. “Silly lamb. You’re not my pet human; you’re my partner. I’ll love you no matter what you look like. Though of course…”  
Steve looked up questioningly.  
“…you’ll never be quite as handsome as I am.” The griefer gave Steve a saucy wink and then yelped as the human pinched his belly.  
“Or course not,” Steve nodded, “I’m the cute one.” He batted short lashes over his limpid blue eyes. “You’ll never be half as adorable as me.”  
“Touché. Ah, I almost forgot. There was something I wanted to do for you.” Herobrine put his finger inside his own mouth, pressing it down on one of his fangs. The sharp tooth breached the skin and a bead of blood formed on the surface. He offered his finger to Steve, who looked rather puzzled. “I think it would be too warm to drink from a vein, like trying to swallow boiling water. But have a taste in a consensual way, on me.”  
“Is it okay?”  
‘To drink my blood? You’ve already had some, if something was going to happen to you because if it, it already would have. It’s not that different from yours, it’s just hotter.”  
The miner took the gods hand gingerly, and wrapped his lips around the bleeding digit. He licked it gingerly and then found himself sucking eagerly on it as the thick liquid coated his tongue. The god felt his pants getting tight as Steve slurped on the tiny, stinging wound. Finally the human let go of him. His expression was confused. “What is it my lamb?”  
Steve rolled the remaining liquid around in his mouth and swallowed it. He blinked, “no, it isn’t like mine. I’ve had enough of my own blood in my mouth from getting injured to know that taste all too well. Herobrine, your blood tastes like coffee.”  
The white eyes widened. “Well, I guess the information for what the beans should taste like had to come from somewhere.”  
The miner tittered in glee, “no wonder your brew gives me so much pep, I’m all jumped up on essence of Herobrine!”  
His smile was wry, “maybe don’t say that to Alex since she’s addicted to the stuff. I think it would annoy her.”  
“So…” Steve asked, “You seem in better spirits, did you really want to sleep?”  
“I can if you want me to lay with you, but I don’t need it-” He sneezed explosively. “-I’m as healed as I’m currently capable of being. And I’m curious to see if they consider us prisoners or if we’re free to wander around.” He let go of Steve completely, “peek though the door and see if there’s a guard.”  
The miner crept up to the wooden door and looked out. The Testificate that had met them in the woods was sitting on a bench scribbling in a book.  
“Zile is sitting out there.”  
“I can work with that.” The woolly griefer squeaked open the door and the youth fumbled their book in shock.  
“Sorry sir, you scared me.” Xe paused, “um, nicely done?”  
Herobrine snorted lightly. “I’m far more god then griefer these days.” He glanced back at his mate who was peeking out the door. “I think Steve’s making me mellow. But I did want to thank you for giving us a chance.”  
Steve ventured out into the hall. “I owe you,” he said simply. “We almost died out there.”  
Zile’s eyes were wide, “so you were…?”  
“Yes,” the human replied softly. “I’d prefer not to discuss that.”  
“But it was so inspiring!” The Testificate gushed. They waved the little book by way of explanation. “I’m writing a love story and I can’t shake the image out of my head. One man carrying his transformed lover, sacrifice, blood on the snow, happy endings! It’s all so wondrous.” Zile noticed the two were staring at him in shock. They clutched the volume close to their chest. “Of course I won’t name any names m’lords. I’ll make the transformed one a dragon or a wolf, something else. I understand there’s some demand for male only love stories in the bigger villages. Not sure why there’s a sudden surge though.”  
Herobrine put on his poker face and ignored Steve’s mental snickering. “If you follow the ridge until the snow biome gives way to a swamp and plains; you’ll be able to see a village on the edge of the swamp biome. We live close by, and you should pay it a visit, I think you’d really like it there.”  
“Thank you, sir! That very kind of you.”  
“Mmm, perhaps…” Herobrine fixed the small Testificate with his glowing gaze and the youth shrank a little. “I need honest talk from you Zile, are we prisoners here?”  
The villager shook hir head hard enough to dislodge their leather cap. “No! Of course not! The Lady told me to stay nearby and tend to you when you were feeling better. I can fetch food or drink…” Xe suddenly noticed how many layers of clothing the griefer was wearing. “Or more clothes?”  
Herobrine sneezed and sniffled pathetically. Zile dug in hir pockets and gave the god a clean square of white wool. “Just keep it Lord, I have more.”  
“Thank you,” The god blew his nose gratefully and pocketed the handkerchief.  
Zile continued. “Lady Nessie wanted to show you our garden once you were up and around too. It’s the jewel of the temple and quite beautiful.”  
Herobrine’s thoughts were bitter and Steve tried to keep his face blank at their hearing. ‘Knowing Notch it’s probably around a statue of him. Everything would have to be perfect and just so to honor him.’ The miner rubbed his lovers back supportively, and addressed the hopeful Testificate. “We would love to see it, please lead the way.”


	59. Zen Garden

The youth led them down the hall and up a short staircase. On the way they passed another villager whom Zile asked to tell the Lady the visitors would be in the garden.  
At a stone archway the Testificate bowed low and let the lovers enter first.  
Steve whistled in appreciation and Herobrine blinked in utter confusion. “This place is… glitched?” He asked. “Why would worshipers of Notch tolerate this?”  
Lady Nessie emerged from a row of tall hedges and answered him. “Because Lord, the anger that nearly destroyed you was followed by regret. And his followers appreciate that sometimes things are more beautiful for the scars they bear.”  
Steve laced his fingers around Herobrine’s hand. ‘I think she’s flattering you in her own way.’ He thought. “They’re cheery trees, aren’t they?” Steve asked aloud.  
Lady Nessie looked shocked, “you must be an experienced gardener. They’re very rare.”  
The human chuckled. “We found one in a dungeon and planted it is all. But some of these look like entirely different plants.”  
“And they’re glitched.” Herobrine added. “Is this soil from the Far Lands?”  
Nessie gestured at the trees, “No, this is just how they behave when several are planted together. Sometimes it will rain on just one tree; or snow, other times the leaf blocks will turn pink and their pixels will blow away in the wind.”  
Steve poked his double gently, “Far Lands?”  
“Oh… it’s a place where the seed fails, it’s a hard journey, and it can take months to reach them from any direction. It’s beautiful if you can fly, but very treacherous otherwise. There are towers of stone that float in the sky and ravines that go all the way down to bedrock. Blocks taken from there can have strange physics or even the opposite properties of what they should have. Sometimes the animals talk too, it’s very strange.”  
The Lady walked to a tree ripe with fruit and reached up into the leafy cubes, she broke a sapling free and offered it to them. “Plant this beside the one you already have. Two together will glitch together, but not so often that you’ll have no fruits to enjoy.”  
Steve took it with a smile, “we’ll treasure it always.”  
The Testificate turned her eyes to Herobrine, “you still appear ill my Lord. Is there any way I can help you?” She reached a gentle hand towards Herobrine’s shoulder and he deftly dodged away from her touch. Steve was shocked to see the subtle lines of fear on his face.  
The griefer slid backwards, almost hiding behind his lover. “With all due respect, Lady Nessie, I would prefer you not touch me.”  
“It is like casting healing on the undead to destroy them, is it not?” She asked. “As a glitch; you fear the gift Notch has given me. So be it then. I wish you well all the same.”  
Steve put a comforting arm around his sniffling god. “Are we free to go, my Lady?”  
“You are free.”  
Steve turned Herobrine and they made to leave, but a thought stopped him. “Lady Nessie, do the mobs trouble you here?”  
She opened her hands, “we are as beset by monsters as any village in the world.”  
“Then take this star as a gift to protect what is important to you.” Steve flipped through his inventory and took out the Nether star the Wither had dropped. “Make a beacon for your temple with it. Thank you for helping us.” He tossed the shining bauble through a curtain of pink petals that swirled on a snowy wind, and the Lady caught it deftly. She watched the pair leave the garden and turned the jewel over and over in her hands.  
A cold wind rose up around her, it cleared the ground of leaves and flowers alike. It swept downward over the garden and rushed back up to the sky. It chilled her to the bone and she shivered as her hair whipped around her. She pressed her eyes closed, hoping to be heard. “Please be merciful.” 

* * * * * * * * * * 

Zile was waiting for them at the gate. “What would you like to see next?” Xe asked eagerly.  
Herobrine sneezed, rubbing the little slits of his leaking nostrils. “I need you to show us the way out. We have to leave at once.”  
“What? Why? You’re still ill!” The youth protested. “At least let me get you a healing draught!”  
‘Do you want to trust him?’ Herobrine asked Steve mentally.  
‘I don’t see why not. He’s seems to genuinely like us.’  
The god’s voice showed his suspicion, his question was near silent. “Can you arrange it so the person giving it does not know who it is for?”  
The youth realized the gravity of what was being asked and looked around cautiously before nodding. “Well then, if you insist; I’ll show you the training fields!” Zile said loudly, while motioning that they should follow.  
The trio found themselves in a dark doorway looking into a courtyard; there were several shallow depressions in the dirt. Like wrestling rings for containing the two pairs of monks who danced and jabbed at one another with swift fingers and palm strikes. Zile indicated that they remain in the shadows and watch.  
The Testificate slowed xyrself to a staggering walk and made their way towards one of the pairs. They ceased fighting at his hail, and stood listening as Zile gestured elaborately and mimed pain in a very sensitive part of their anatomy. The two laughed in a slightly mean way and one of them passed the Testificate a bottle. The youth talked to them for a moment more and then limped back into the shadows.  
Zile passed the bottle to Herobrine. He examined it critically in his inventory before having a taste.  
Steve poked Zile, “what did you tell them that made them laugh?”  
“Oh! I told them I slipped in my room and pulled a groin muscle, and asked them not to tell anyone because I’d be embarrassed. The fighters always keep at least one healing draught to hand in case they injure one another while practicing.”  
Herobrine gulped the thick potion down to the last drop and burped painfully. “Ugh, it tastes like eggs.”  
“Do you feel better?” Steve asked.  
“Yes… actually I do. Thank you, Zile. You’ve been very helpful. In fact… if Steve does not mind…?” He made a gesture and Steve nodded ever so slightly. The griefer unwound the purple scarf from his neck and draped it over Zile’s shoulders.  
The youth put his hands in the warm pockets at the tips and hummed gratefully. “You are too kind. Do you still wish to be shown the outer door?”  
“Yes please, as soon as possible.”


	60. The Divine Monster

The pair said their goodbyes and headed out into the afternoon light. Steve looked up, “I’m surprised you didn’t want to wait until morning. There isn’t much daylight left.”  
“We are going to wait out the darkness my lamb, but not in those walls. I hate to admit it, but that woman scares me. I don’t truly know what would happen if someone tried to heal my glitch. It could do any number of terrible things, including erasing my existence entirely. My glitch is literally a large chunk of my body and soul. I’d rather sleep in an open grave. You and I are going down where it’s warm.”  
The lovers picked their way gingerly down the mountain and crossed into the leafy canopy of the jungle before even getting close to the ground. The god looked around, “this will do.”   
At the very top of a gigantic tree they laid a crude box with whatever blocks they had to hand. Herobrine closed the last hole in the farthest corner of the roof with a torch so they could see the stars but nothing could get in. They hunkered down on the bed of leaves and held one another as the mobs shuffled and groaned down below.   
Herobrine was silent for a long moment and Steve sensed that he was unsettled. “I don’t like those sounds,” the griefer whispered. “I’m going to put my armor back on. Do you… want yours?”  
It hurt Steve how sad he sounded. The Lady had been right. He was afraid his gift would now be rejected because of the pain it had caused his lover. “Yes,” Steve said firmly, “I would like it back. Your bones are stronger then diamond and they’re the best I’ve ever had. You didn’t bring my armored pants and boots by chance, did you?”  
“Sadly no, I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t even think to grab extra clothes for the cold. Do you want to share? I can give you some of my armor.”   
“No, I’d be afraid I’d break it. I know how much it means to you and I’m surprised it’s lasted this long. Gold armor isn’t exactly tough.”  
Herobrine gave him a tender kiss. “We wear our memories to protect us, don’t we?” The god flipped the ribs into his hands and carefully buckled them around Steve’s torso before crowning his mate with the bony helm. The gentle miner gazed up at him, wide blue eyes shining from under the skull’s row of teeth.   
The griefer looked away. “I don’t deserve the look of adulation you give me so frequently.” Herobrine blushed lightly, “It turns my hearts to mush.”   
Steve chuckled, “always the tough guy. It’s easy to have a poker face when no one can see the eyes beneath the light.” He slid up against the god, climbing his reclining form like a tree. “But I know how you are, your light can't blind me anymore.” He felt Herobrine’s chest vibrating under him as the gods hearts trembled in time with his own. The human used a finger to pull down the neck of his mate’s sweater and the shirt beneath before licking a slow hot stripe from his collar bones to the edge of his chin. “You and your sweet java blood,” he whispered against his double's skin. Herobrine shivered ever so slightly, his rod rising up as the hot breath of his lover on his vulnerable neck aroused him. The griefer let his tongue extend a little, the edges forking and hanging slightly over his teeth. He bit down gently, enough to pierce it with his fangs. He watched Steve for a moment as the blood filled his mouth and the human pressed their lips together.   
Herobrine melted into the kiss as Steve sucked the bleeding tongue into his own mouth and laved around it with his own. The god bucked underneath his mate, rubbing himself against the hot body that pressed down on him. His tongue hurt a little, but the pain was nothing compared to the pleasure of Steve suckling and worshiping the bleeding organ as if it were his cock.   
The human swallowed down the dribble of blood and felt his own body reacting to having something of his mates in his mouth. He felt his trousers growing tight and palmed Herobrine’s crotch beneath him. Steve rubbed his lover and the god reciprocated, freeing their rods from their pants and brushing them lightly together.   
They groaned in unison, both so happy just to be in contact with one another. ‘I’m going to do terrible things to you when we get home’ Herobrine thought at him.  
‘And I’m going to let you, and enjoy every minute’ Steve replied mentally.  
‘Any chance you have slime-balls on you?’  
‘No, don’t you?’  
‘I’m out.’  
‘Dammit.’  
Steve growled around the tongue in his mouth, rubbing desperately against his mate. ‘I want you so badly. It’s not fair.’   
The noises from below them seemed to be getting louder, and Herobrine’s skin crawled at the thought of them being ambushed in their hideaway. Perhaps this was neither the time nor the place. ‘Here, I’ll help you, let me have my tongue back.’  
Steve let go reluctantly and pouted on his lap. The griefer rubbed his hands together “it’s been awhile but this should still work, I’ll try to be gentler then the last time.” Little sparks danced on his palms and he used the flat of his hands to paint them across the form of his priest. Steve jumped, his skin prickling with the glitchy energy. It felt so good it was almost painful. His nerves bucked and twitched in response to the interference that flowed from his god. The human clung to the griefer as he was played with, making soft cries. The hands moved down to his privates and he arched gracefully to give them greater access. Herobrine smiled at his look of wild abandon. “I love that face you make my lamb, as if there was no place in the world you’d rather be at this moment.” He put warm hands on either side of his mate’s cubes, letting the sparks dance across his tender flesh. It was too much to bear and Steve let loose with a groan of relief, splattering Herobrine’s sweater with his cum. He shivered, twitching, before slowly toppling backwards in exhaustion. The god caught him before he could fall and let him gently down onto the bed of leaves.   
Steve struggled to speak, “do you want me to… I can… for you…?”   
“No sweet lamb. They’ll be time enough for you to worship me later. For now-” The griefer stopped mid-sentence and the look on his face was sobering. There was a flash from beneath them as Herobrine flung his mate against the trunk of the tree. A creeper had spotted them in the canopy of leaves above it, and now it exploded with a tremendous blast.   
The god grew wicked hooked claws as the floor fell away beneath him. He sliced into the tree, sliding down it like a cat while his lover clung to his waist in terror. The ripsaw noise echoed in the jungle as the Herobrine's red hot talons tore the wood. His feet hit the ground with a thump and he winced in pain. Steve looked up at him in shock, and the god forced himself to smile gamely.   
“Ouch.”  
The miner hugged him gratefully and set to unhooking his still-warm claws from the tree. “You’re amazing,” he said. “Are you hurt, my love?”   
“Only my pride, though I think we're still in trouble.” There was a groan from the darkness and three zombies shuffled into the perimeter of the clearing. “Steve, do you have any weapons on you?”  
“Only my pickaxe,” he replied nervously.  
“That won’t work; it’ll get stuck in their stupid skulls. Take this, I’ve been meaning to give it to you anyway.” The god pulled out the relic sword made of Ender pearls that the villagers had given him and bounced it into Steve’s waiting hands. The human took it with reverence, it was cool and light in his hands and he moved past the griefer to point it at the shuffling mob. He muttered a whisper of a prayer that only Herobrine heard. “Forgive me, my brothers.” With a graceful twist he stabbed and sliced, leaving his be-clawed lover standing astonished and superfluous.   
In the shadows; other eyes watched them cautiously, narrowing at the human’s display of valor. More zombies emerged from the woods and Steve destroyed them with aplomb. Herobrine leaned back against the ruined tree trunk with a look of pride on his face as his lover, his priest, his creation; made utter hash of their attackers. He knew Steve felt uncomfortable killing the skeletons and zombies knowing what they once were, but the human didn’t hesitate when they became an active threat either.   
There was a moment of quiet and Steve walked up to him. The miner wiped blood both black and red from the blade. “This weapon is a work of art.”  
“That may be, but you wield it like you were born with a sword in your hands.”  
Steve turned the flat of the blade and Herobrine froze a moment. The moonlight glittered on the eyes that composed the sword and dazzled him.   
In those few seconds; two endermen appeared behind Steve, and Herobrine only had time to look up and reach out a disbelieving and bestial hand as the shadow people snatched the human and teleported away.   
A silence descended, as though the world seed was holding its infinite breath. The sun peeked over the horizon. Herobrine screamed. And he kept screaming for several minutes.   
He’d never been so angry in his entire existence. With a roar of rage he beat the trees with his clawed fists, slamming them down like so many fence posts. He coughed up red pixels from the shrieking that had torn his throat and his lava hot blood set the grass ablaze. He dug his claws into the turf and wailed in agony. Herobrine could sniff out his lover under normal circumstances, but the trail was cold even for the nose of a wolf. The endermen had seemingly removed the human from the world. He searched the jungle in a blind rage anyway; roaring for his lover and tearing up earth and trees and leaving a path of fire as he went. His body was swollen in anger and wracked with the pain that came from the transformation.   
Finally he was spent, and simply collapsed on the ground. He curled his claws into the dirt and groveled. His sides heaved as he cried and the grass under him turned to podzol and burned like a pyre.   
Belatedly Herobrine realized someone was watching him. The energy from the silent figure was both familiar and terrifying. It appeared to be a man, but the griefer knew better.   
The entity was bald and bearded, with a simple brown tunic and gray pants. He watched the cowering god with eyes like black beads. Herobrine shrank in abject terror. Notch just stared at him with what he imagined was disgust.


	61. Endermites and Kookoonuts

Herobrine finally worked up enough courage to speak. “Have you come to hurt me again, my so-called brother? Can I not be angry that my lover has been torn from me without incurring your wrath?”   
The lack of response from the other god agitated him even more, and his voice shook as he asked, “Was your one act of mercy towards Steve all that your hearts could hold? Why come to me now, unless you just love to see my pain. I am a small creature in a very large world; can you not just allow me to exist?” He felt tears welling up again, and he shouted at Notch. “Am I just a parasite to you? A mistake you need to correct? Dammit," the griefer sobbed. "Why won’t you answer me?!”   
The impassive figure turned to look behind itself and then faded away like so much smoke. From the haze Steve appeared and stumbled as a dark shape dropped him a few inches above the ground before also vanishing.   
Herobrine crawled forward and toppled over, his form so twisted that he couldn’t rise from all fours. Steve rushed to him, shedding tears to see him in such pain. He ran his hands over the griefer, kissing him and soothing him back down to a human shape. The miner looked at the devastation around him. “Did someone attack you?”  
The god shook his head softly, too overwhelmed to speak.   
“Did you-?” But Steve already knew the answer. The god was curled against him and weeping, his grip almost painfully tight. His gold armor curved over his back like a large shell from where he’d swelled and shrank inside it. The miner undid the straps for him and stowed it. He thought about what he’d been told by Lady Nessie, seeing the truth of her words in the ruined landscape around them.   
The griefer murmured into the soft folds of the human’s shirt. “I’d be less then nothing without you Steve; just a lost and lonely beast with no purpose or soul. And when they took you I thought…” He choked on the words, shivering in mental anguish.   
Steve sighed, “I’m sorry, I got back as soon as I was able. I knew you’d be upset, but I never imagined it would be this bad. I don’t want to see you hurt.”  
“Nor I you, and if those endermen-“  
“It’s okay; they only wanted to talk to me. Ironically they stole me away because they were afraid to approach with you so close. I presume they originally thought you were griefing by sending the mobs against me and just watching to see me die. It’s very hard to communicate with them. They took me to a weird black space full of flecks of light that passed through me.”   
“That’s the Void,” Herobrine said quietly. “No wonder I lost your scent.”  
“They need a player to kill a monster that targets endermen. Apparently it’s not as deadly to humans and I guess they like the irony of seeing it at least die against something that’s made from their pearls. Something called a queen endermite.”  
Herobrine’s lip twisted in disgust. “That’s a nasty thing; a bug the size of a horse with tons of little male drones scuttling about. They only live in the End, but they can bite off pieces of the shadows the endermen are composed of.”   
Steve nodded, “apparently they also steal baby enders and eat them.”   
“Irregardless, the End is incredibly dangerous. Did you tell them no?”   
“Actually I agreed to help.”  
Herobrine slumped miserably into his lap.   
“We don’t have to go to the End. This thing is in the Overworld and it’s not supposed to be. That’s why I said yes. Somehow it must have hitched a ride on a teleporting ender while it was still small and already pregnant. Any chance you destroyed a small tower while you were angry? It’s in the jungle biome and the bugs are beneath it.”  
The griefer stared up at his double. “I vaguely remember butting my head against a wall, but it could have just been the side of the mountain. Will we have a pact with the enders when this is done?”  
“No, I couldn’t manage that. They consider humans inferior, and us looking at them is somehow painful in a way that didn’t make any sense to me. It’s hard, they communicated with mental images mostly. They’ll owe us a favor. I thought it might come in handy. Plus, I was afraid if I said no they’d leave me in the Void.”  
The thought made the god shiver. “I would have spent the rest of my existence searching for you.”  
Steve pulled the griefer even closer until they were both nestled like puzzle pieces. “Did you ever dream you’d feel like this with anyone?”  
“I never dared to think of it.”  
“How are your muscles?  
“Not hurting anymore, thanks to you. I don’t know how you manage to coax me back into my proper shape, but I really appreciate it.” The griefer sat up and gave his double a sweet kiss. He sighed, “I guess we should go keep your promise, I don’t want to traipse around in the dark looking for a building in what’s left of this jungle.”  
Steve stood and helped his lover up. “Yeah, you really did a number on the landscape. It’s a good thing there aren’t any villages nearby.”

* * * * * * * * * * 

Herobrine idly picked three cocoa pods from a tree and juggled them as they walked. His fingers crackled with static as he played with the structure of the beans. The surfaces were a whir of changing colors and textures. Steve turned idly back and then stuck out a hand, “stop right there!”   
The griefer froze in shock and the pods fell to the ground with three loud thumps. “What is it?”  
Steve came closer. “I just wanted you to stop cycling them in that spot.” He picked up one of the pods; it was covered with hairy brown filaments and sloshed as he moved it. The miner laughed, “We should plant these as they are.” He sniggered, “they look like big hairy testicles.”   
Herobrine laughed despite the stupid joke, “If it pleases my lamb.”   
“You should save two of them and crack this one open, I want to see what’s inside.”  
The griefer shrugged, he flipped to his scythe and set the pod on the ground. He tapped the pod with the back of the weapon and the hairy block was chopped perfectly in half. He picked up the bowl-shaped pieces and handed one to Steve. The miner dipped a finger in the slurry of white mush inside and put it in his mouth.   
“Oh, that’s good…”  
Herobrine imitated him and was soon licking out the hollow inside of the pod with his overlong tongue. He looked up and laughed because Steve was trying to drink the mush and now had white stuff all around his mouth.   
“It looks like you gave it a blowjob.”  
“You’re such a dick,” Steve replied, shaking his head and smiling. “But that gives me an idea. It looks like a nut-sack and it’s full of white stuff, and you made them from cocoa beans- we should call them kookoonuts.”  
“If it makes you happy, I’m for it.”  
“Well I’ll be happier when I can put some of this pudding stuff in a nice pie shell, but this will do for now.”   
“Hey,” Herobrine poked him, “look over there.”  
In spinning around playing with their nuts, they had ended up on the edge of a slope and could now see a small building at the bottom of it. The two picked their way through bushes and down the hill to the little tower. It was mossy and overgrown but most certainly what they had been searching for.   
The entrance was low and Steve wondered aloud if this was the same place where Alex had found the world scroll that told them of Herobrine’s removal from the world. Down the short hallway Steve brought out a torch and placed it on the wall. The light revealed drawings everywhere.  
“This reminds me of the temple in the desert,” Herobrine said quietly. “I wonder if there are any other relics here.”   
“That would be nice.” Something black skittered past Steve’s feet and he jumped, shifting his sword into his hand.  
“Endermite…” Herobrine said quietly. “This must be the place.” He flipped his scythe out of his inventory.   
As they turned a corner they found themselves facing a floor full of mites. The bugs were the size and shape of an upturned bowl and almost perfectly black. The griefer smiled and his teeth were so white they almost matched his glowing eyes. “Let’s do some stomping!” Herobrine rushed into the mass of bugs, jump teleporting as he crushed them with his gold boots. Steve’s sword struck sparks on the stone floor as he skewered and cut the endermites. The bugs each had a shell, but they split like the kookoonut when the blades hit them. The pair waded deeper down the hall as the mites poured out of a room on at the end.  
The human slammed a torch on the wall, his shoes were sticky with purple guts and he was increasingly irritated with the tenacity of their foes. “This is awful! I wish we could just set them on fire or something!”  
“Now you’re talking my language,” Herobrine laughed.   
The pair made their way down a short staircase, kicking endermites as they went. The beetle-like bugs bit and pinched at their ankles with increasing fury. They had no luck penetrating Herobrine’s armor, but they landed a few vicious nips on Steve. The miner was furious by the time the hall opened up again, and he put the torch in the wall so hard it vibrated like an arrow. The room was itself was splendid and they both wished they had time to appreciate the artwork that adorned every surface. But their more immediate concern was the gigantic black bug that was crawling out of a shallow pit in the floor.   
“Holy…”  
“I’ve seen worse. Just go for the eyes with your sword and I’ll see if I can split it from the back.”


	62. Whistle If You Need Me

Herobrine blinked away and Steve readied himself. He had only a short moment to stab at the beast that scuttled towards him and dodge the pincers; before his god slammed into the rear of it. The bug bucked as the griefer’s scythe cut a wide gash in its shell. The human stabbed at the eyes and sunk the pearl blade deeply into one of them. The sword caught and Steve kicked at the bugs flailing pincers as he tried to pull it loose. Herobrine fell out of the air above him and sunk his scythe into the other eye; he yanked it upwards, cutting the queen mite like butter. The griefer put a foot on Steve’s shoulder and pushed him. The blade came free and the human reeled backwards, trying to keep his balance as he tumbled onto the floor. A bunch of the small bugs converged on him and he was forced to swing wildly while trying to regain his feet.  
Herobrine blinked into existence beside him, grabbing the endermites and throwing them hard against the walls. The blinded queen was running wild, slamming into things as it tried to find its attackers.  
When the small ones had been dispatched, Herobrine turned to his lover with a devilish grin. “It’s time for a little griefing sweet lamb.” He passed a rather confused Steve a bucket of lava. “When the bugs in the hole; pour the lava on both of us.”  
He put away his scythe and dug long claws into the floor. With a growl he launched himself at the gigantic mite and slammed into it with all the weight the Nether could give him. The bug slid across the floor and down into the pit. Its limbs pin-wheeling wildly as it tried to grab the slippery griefer.  
Steve ran to the edge and placed the lava on the ceiling. Herobrine stood up triumphantly on top of the fallen queen and let the stone flow over him. The bug squealed as it heated up. And then it popped suddenly, throwing the griefer out of the hole and spraying everything with its innards.  
The god landed upside down, his helmet clanged against the wall and spilled him in a pile of rapidly-cooling lava pixels and laughter on the floor.  
Steve however, was less then happy. He’d been splattered with bits of lava, which hurt abominably, but thankfully not set on fire because of the wet splash of purple endermite slime he’d also been hit with.  
Herobrine sidled up to him. “Aww, don’t pout, that was great teamwork. We should go bug hunting again some time.”  
“Grrr.”  
“I like it when my lamb shows me a little bit of fang. Here, have a pork chop.”  
Steve tried to wipe his hands to take the meat, but there wasn’t an inch of clean fabric to do it on. Finally he took the meat in his teeth and chewed on it sullenly.  
There was a small woosh around them, and a pair of endermen teleported in with a burst of magenta sparkles. Both the human and the god instinctively looked at the floor. One of the shadow creatures approached Steve. The miner put a warning hand on Herobrine’s shoulder as he saw the griefer’s knuckles whiten on his clenched fists.  
Their speech meant nothing aloud, but Steve had a good sense what was being said. The enders passed him a wooden whistle, and then the terrifying entities vanished again.  
“Some thank you.” Herobrine grumbled. “Ender-jerks.”  
“Oh, hush. If we ever need their help I can blow this whistle and they’ll appear and give me one favor from their kind. But it’s normal relations apart from that and back to the status quo once I call this in.”  
“Maybe you should have asked them for a bucket of water, you poor thing.”  
Steve sighed, “There’s nothing for it. We need to be getting home anyway. There’s got to be a pond or something between here and the tower.” He cast about the room and something caught his eye. “Hello there…” The chest had been covered in slime but it was unmistakably the same black wood as the others had been. Steve squeaked the lid open. “What in the world…? Please come over here Herobrine. My hands are messy and I don’t want to touch this.”  
Herobrine reached into the box and pulled up the finest garment he’d ever seen. A soft white robe made of spider threads, loose and short with wide billowy sleeves. Something small and golden fell out of the garment as he lifted it; and he reached down to the bottom of the chest to retrieve it.  
Steve goggled, “What is that?”  
“That my, innocent lamb, is a thong. To be specific, it is a thong made of golden threads. And if you wear it for me, I promise will lick and pound the daylights out of your delicious, needy asshole.”  
“That sounds heavenly. Once we get home, I’ll get on it.” Herobrine tossed the robe and the thong at Steve; who let it be sucked up into his inventory rather then touch it with filthy hands.  
The griefer broke down the trunk and stowed it. “That’s what, three of these now? I wonder if the one Alex found my poem in was also black? It’s like Notch and Jeb just scattered my hard work to the four corners and left it as treasure for anyone to find.”  
“Do you think this stuff was yours? I mean, do you remember making it?”  
The griefer gave him a wry smile, “can you think of anyone else in the world who can craft outside the table and would actually own a pair of gold underwear?”  
“That’s a very fair point.”  
Herobrine looked at his miserable mate. Steve was soaked in purple slime and starting to shiver. “I have an idea. Let me have your clothes and I’ll clean them for you.”  
With a sigh the miner stripped himself and watched Herobrine do the same with increasing confusion. Then the griefer struggled into Steve’s sodden clothing and stepped under the flow of lava that his double had placed. His clothes were always refreshed after a reset and this gave him a way to clean and dry his lover’s near-ruined attire. He stepped out from under the flow and Steve stared at what was basically himself.  
Herobrine walked up to him and he noticed that the shirt was tight across the god’s torso. The griefer followed his eyes and blushed. “Yeah, I’m a little fatter then you; zip it.”  
Steve plunked Herobrine’s helmet on his own head and gave a fierce growl, baring his square white teeth in imitation of his lover.  
The griefer shook his head, he laughed softly. “You’re not doing it right, do it like this.” Herobrine bared his teeth and kept baring them, splitting most of his face like an enderman to show his huge white fangs. “Boo!” he said in the softest voice possible.  
Steve flinched and then burst out laughing. “Here,” he passed the helmet, “I’m sure it looks better on you anyway.”  
The two of them helped one another to redress and gave the room a final inspection. Herobrine touched the walls morosely. “I hope the frescos didn’t show anything really important since we’ve effectively ruined them with bug guts and lava.”  
“Yeah, it’s a shame. But it needed to be done. Perhaps it’s best to leave the past where it is,” Steve said thoughtfully.  
The griefer joined him, laying an arm around his shoulder. “I agree; we should head home anyway.” 

* * * * * * * * * * 

At the top of the tower, Navy was intently watching the mountains and plains below. They had been sitting there for days and would happily continue to do so until their masters returned.  
Eyes like pits of night caught the flash of gold in the bracken below. With a clatter of bones the warrior slid down the ladder into the garden and ran to gather their fellows. 

* * * * * * * * * * 

Herobrine walked heavily out of the shadow of the mountain and into the clearing. Steve was draped across his back. Alex was waiting for him with the skeletons in tow.  
Her face was grim and she hauled back like she wanted to smack him.  
Herobrine winced as if she’d thrown ice water on him. “Please don’t hit me. Steve is fine, he just got tired and I offered to carry him.”  
Alex seemed to let all her anger out in a rush. “You two are killing me; you rush out and don’t come back for ages. And these fellows…” She indicated the skeletal warriors. “…Have done nothing but follow me around and bug me to tell them when you were coming back. We were all really worried. Plus the villagers sent a runner out here to talk to you three times and I can’t keep telling them you’re busy fucking forever. And I…” The archer ran out of words and just stared at the griefer. Herobrine didn’t have any trouble carrying his mate, but he still looked exhausted and hungry. She stepped aside and waved vaguely. He gave her a grateful nod and walked into the crowd of undead, standing still for long enough that they could see that their master still lived and hear his tiny snores before moving on.  
The god made his way up the steps and pushed their bedroom door open with a gentle head-butt. He laid Steve on the bed and went back out to climb up to the kitchen. The griefer returned a moment later with an inventory full of food.  
He knelt on the floor by the bed and nudged his lover awake. “I know you’re tired, but it’s been too long since you ate and I don’t want you to wake up feeling sick.”  
Steve blinked groggily, “we’re home? I’m so happy…” He accepted a warm bowl of onion soup from his god and gulped it down. “You take such good care of me,” he mumbled while yawning widely.  
Herobrine brushed his fingers gently across Steve’s cheek, “considering what you let me do to you on a regular basis, I owe you at least that much care. I’ll have something really good for you in the morning, for now though, just rest.”

* * * * * * * * * * 

Alex was surprised to hear Herobrine’s boots on the stairs again not two hours after they had returned. She poked her head from the stairwell as he passed through the stables. “Hey, where are you going again so soon?”  
The griefer indicated the growing darkness outside the wide doors. “I just need to do a little hunting before morning. I won’t go far.”  
“Well, be careful.” She paused and the god sensed the question before it was asked.  
“…Herobrine, what happened to your wrist?”  
The griefer looked at his hand and frowned sadly. The chain of scars that circled it still hadn’t faded. “Steve hurt me.” He said simply. “He was out of his head and didn’t really want to injure me, so I’m not bitter about it. But there’s a chance it may never heal just because of who did it. I guess it’s true I broke my programming by falling in love. I am so vulnerable when I open up to someone like that. It makes me feel… almost human.”  
The archer mused, “Perhaps it’s fate that your lover would find a way to mark an unchanging god as his own.”  
“You know… that actually makes me feel a lot better about it. I’m not much for wearing jewelry anyway. How ironic is it, that the sweetest of lambs would leave the scars of a predator’s teeth on me? Thank you Alex.”  
“You’re welcome.”


	63. Doggy Style

When Herobrine returned in the morning, he found Steve freshly bathed and waiting for him. The miner was wearing the white robe and struck a sultry pose. “Where were you Herobrine? I was rather sad to wake up alone.”  
“Oh, just gathering some supplies.” The griefer took in the delicious sight of his doubles daintily crossed legs and the subtle bump in the silky fabric that revealed his resting cock.  
He bit his lip lightly, already half-hard from the view. “I never got a chance to give you the attention I wanted to after you’d been healed. I want to show you how much I love you just the way you are.” He grabbed the bed and dragged it with Steve on it closer to the lava side of the pool. “I don’t want you to get cold,” he said.  
“What did you have in mind?”  
Herobrine grinned, “I’m going to give you a massage. It’s a lot of touching with a tiny bit of static; you’ll feel like a million diamonds when I’m done. God’s honor.”  
Steve shrugged, he had no idea what he was in for, but it sounded harmless enough. “How do you want me?”  
“It would take forever to count the ways my lamb. But for now, just on your belly and pull your robe down to your waist. And I’ll get undressed as well; I don’t want to get my clothes messy either.”  
The human did as he was bid and listened to the wet squish of his lover warming a slime ball by passing it hand to hand. The gooey substance was spread thickly across his back and he shivered at how good it felt. Herobrine threw a leg over Steve and sat across his covered rear. He put his strong hands around the miner’s broad shoulders and started to knead him gently. There was the tiniest crackle between his fingers as pixels were delicately shifted back and forth. Steve felt like he was melting into the god’s hands, all his soreness and tension disappearing. The griefer’s touch slid over every angle, as if he’d smooth away all the pain and rough corners. Herobrine ran down each arm, rolling thick fingers between his own, and digging into the flat planes of his lover’s calloused palms. He put his hands around Steve’s neck and rubbed him down to the base of his spine, leaving him wet as a slug and trembling in his wake. Then he turned around and did the same to his lover’s legs, working around his thighs and calves, and squishing every perfect toe with warm slime and tenderness.  
Steve had never felt so good. He was slippery on nearly every surface which was unbearably arousing, but Herobrine had relaxed him so effectively he couldn’t be bothered to move. He rolled his head sideways to get a glimpse of the griefer as he set aside the bathrobe and slathered the one spot he’d been neglecting. The human whimpered softly as his lover dug an elbow into the meat of his rump, massaging each cheek until Steve was gaping without a single touch.  
Herobrine lifted the human gently and set him on his knees and elbows. He rubbed the flesh of his lover’s thighs all around and worked his way back up to the tenderest spots of all. “Mmm,” he hummed, “this part needs something more delicate then my hands…” He lay down on the bed so that Steve’s thick cock was brushing his lips, and guided the human into his mouth.  
The miner crooned happily as he was sucked. He was dripping with slime and feeling incredibly peaceful. Herobrine reached up and used a slick thumb to rub his lover’s hole; feeling the digit slide inside as the body above him moved to receive it. Steve rocked gently over his dutiful mate and came with an easy sigh, the last ounce of tension escaping with his seeds. The god moved out from under him and he let himself flop down with wet squish of slime.  
“Ready for the finale?” Herobrine asked with a grin.  
“Oh, yes please. You could fist me right now and I wouldn’t care. I feel like a slime block.”  
“Was that too gross for you?”  
Steve laughed softly, “no, it’s just right, but I feel like I don’t have any bones. I’m so relaxed.”  
“Oh good…” The god arranged his mate and rubbed even more slime across his wanting hole. He delved in with fingers and felt around his mates warm innards as the human squirmed in delight. He pulled out a fresh ball and spread Steve wide with his other hand. His victim trembled as the griefer squeezed the chilly gel over him and let it dribble down directly into his bowels.  
Herobrine could only stare, “you are so wanting right now, I think I’ll make a little more of me just so you’re satisfied.” He focused on his already generous rod and plumped it further, turning his four pixel tip into a nine square end. “This is going to be bigger then you’re used too, so tell me if I’m hurting you, and I’ll stop.”  
Steve was nodding furiously against the bed, “just do it, I need you inside me so badly. Please?”  
With a devilish grin; the griefer bellied up to his lover’s generously offered rear and sat across his thighs. He poised the enormous cock-end against Steve’s waiting hole and slid forward slowly. Steve felt himself stretch and then stretch some more, opening so wide he shivered from the pressure. He gave the barest grunt and Herobrine froze. “Tell me when, my lamb. I don’t wish to tear you.”  
Steve added some sweat to the sludge that coated his skin, “nggggh, you are so big, good gods…” He wiggled and tried to slow his breathing. The human wanted even this, willed his frail body to accept the gods swollen cock all the way inside. He gestured weakly for Herobrine to continue pushing into him. Steve twitched, his muscles jerking as the griefer wiggled inward, and then he breathed a long shuddering sigh as he finally felt the gods hairy cubes nestle warmly against his own.  
“Hold me please…”  
Gleefully Herobrine squashed the rest of the slime-ball and smeared his own chest before plopping down with a splat against Steve. The mess pleased him enormously. He was more then happy to rub himself against his slippery lover whilst reveling in the equally pleasant feeling of having a tremendous cock in the ass of his favorite person in the whole world.  
“I love it so much when you ask me to make a mess.”  
Steve felt himself relaxing around the dick inside him, and signaled that it was okay to move now. Herobrine stayed posed over the helpless human and began to slowly slide himself in and out. His mate panted weakly, soft swears falling from his lips as he was filled and fucked. “You can go a little faster,” he managed.  
The griefer didn’t need to hear it twice; he set himself to a rocking pace and enjoying the music of his doubles whimpers and moans. He laid kisses in Steve’s hair, rubbing himself like a cat against his disciple. He worked a slippery hand underneath the human and pinched at the miners tiny nips. Steve fairly squeaked at the sensation, crying out for him to do it harder. Herobrine twisted his lovers nipples and was rewarded with a cacophony of low groans and his double pushing back to meet each mighty thrust of his cock.  
Steve was raving now, a bit too over stimulated to form a full sentence. But the griefer was sure he heard the human command the god to bite him. Herobrine didn’t mind the taste of slime, so he pressed up a hunk of skin between his squirming mate’s shoulders and held it gently in flattened teeth.  
And that was the last straw for Steve. He was imagining so much, daydreaming that he was a simple sweet sheep caught unawares by the fiercest of werewolves. And now the beast was pressing him down, holding him still, filling and screwing him within an inch of respawn. He found himself saying the words aloud like a filthy prayer. “Oh! Take me; my ravening wolf! Use me for your pleasure, eat my innocence, douse me with your filth, I am yours, yours, yours…”  
Herobrine found his own body reacting without his permission, his chest grew hairier and he felt his ears move up to the top of his head. He let go of Steve’s scruff in shock as a furry wolf tail bust from the bottom of his spine. Energized, but thoroughly confused; he pressed harder, trying to make the human come before him. His fingers and toes pointed into dull claws and Steve cried out as they dug into his sensitive nipples. The human came with a tiny shriek, and the griefer picked up the pace a little to finish himself off. Suddenly he realized something was wrong. Steve seemed to have gotten even tighter around him. Herobrine tried to pull out rather then bloat his poor lover, but couldn’t get himself free. The effort of trying caused him to come and his copious discharge flooded his doubles bowels, making the human claw at the bed–sheets in vain. He was full up into his stomach with cum and it sloshed uncomfortably as he tried to crawl away.  
Herobrine gripped him tightly, “stop moving! You’re going to hurt yourself!”  
“I need to let it out! I’m too full! It’s so hot! Oooh!”  
“Shhhh, relax, it’s going to be okay. Just calm down for a minute and I’ll separate us.”  
Steve’s voice had an edge of panic, “why? Are we stuck together again?”  
The gods laugh was ironic. “In a way, yes. Can you turn and look at me?”  
The human strained his neck to one side, “no, I can’t see you.”  
“Somehow that makes it even funnier. You’ve turned my own powers back on me, and led me into a hallucination all on your own.”  
Steve was having trouble focusing because of the pain in his gut. The pressure of the fluids was almost enough to make him cum again. “What?”  
“You must have been having a Nether of a fantasy my love. You turned me into a werewolf. My dick has developed a lupine knot and I’m currently stuck inside the warm confines of your anus until my muscles relax.”  
The miner strained to one side and then the other, trying to get a good look at Herobrine. The griefer patted his head with a quiet laugh. “Don’t hurt your neck; I’ll hold this for a little while longer so you can see. I’m actually a bit unsettled at how easily you pushed me out of my natural shape. But then you have coaxed me back to a human-shape before, so I guess it makes as much sense as anything else.” He paused, “Ah, that’s better…” The god wiggled his hips, working his softening cock out of his double's much-abused hole. The liquid threatened to overflow behind it like champagne from a cork, so Herobrine pushed a clawed hand over the widened hole and used his other to lift his lover off the bed and help him down onto the sponge block in the corner of the tub.  
Steve let out a relieved sigh as his innards released the mess inside them. He looked at Herobrine, who was now examining himself. The human blinked in surprise, his poor lover looked half-wolf and his furry tail thumped softly against the cobbles as he noticed his human staring. His ears were high triangles at the top of his head, his teeth protruded over each lip, his digits were all clawed and his chest was covered with a fluffy mass of hair that snaked down and formed a bush around his hairy nuts and cock.  
The griefer panted for effect, “I told you I was just your dog.”


	64. A Fitting Mantle for The Lord of Tears

Steve turned white, “I’m sorry! I didn’t do it on purpose!”  
Herobrine scooted closer on all fours, “It’s okay my loving lamb; I don’t mind being your wolf. Just warn me next time. And tell me your fantasies instead of keeping them hidden until they overwhelm you like that.” His gaze was soft, but Steve still felt ashamed for forcing his lover to transform into a beast.  
“Don’t make that face, I had fun.” Herobrine leaned over as if to kiss the miner, and then licked his face instead. “Maybe I’ll make you a nice little collar with a sheep’s bell and we can have a proper romp. You always bring out my playful side.” He bumped his head against the miners shoulder, scrubbing his ears against his lover’s damp flesh. “Now how about you give me a scratch? All this fur is itchy.”  
Steve smiled softly as the griefer made happy little yips while he was rubbed, rolling over to let the human pet the patch of fur on his chest. It helped the miner feel a bit less guilty. But then he looked at Herobrine’s eyes and realized their light didn’t match the face he was making. He slowed his fingers and stopped; just resting his hands in the god’s soft pelt. Steve pulled himself close and touched the griefer's face. “You shouldn’t lie to me,” he said softly.  
Herobrine scoffed, “lie about what?”  
“How you really feel.” Steve leaned over his god, trying to look into the blinding centers of his eyes. “It’s like those pictures,” he murmured. “You smile to everyone’s faces because you don’t want them to see how much you’re really hurting inside.”  
Herobrine frowned and looked away from the diamond blue gaze of his lover. “It’s hard to feel good about yourself when you always belong to someone else. But I guess it’s for the best if you’re the master over my powers since you actually care about me.”  
“I’m not your master.” Steve replied uneasily. “I offered myself to Jeb for you. I’m at your mercy.”  
“But that also gives you power over me because I don’t want you to get punished in my stead. I’d feel terrible refusing anything you asked me for because of what you’ve already done. I owe a debt that can never be repaid. So I am whatever is needed for you, just a blank cipher that no one really knows or understands.” The wolfish griefer pulled his knees to his chest and circled his arms around them.  
The miner put his hands on top of Herobrine’s, “but I know, doesn’t that count for something?”  
“What do you know Steve?” The god asked sullenly.  
The human took a deep breath. “You never correct people, but you prefer the ‘air’ to the ‘er’ pronunciation of your name and your favorite colors are yellow, purple and dark pink. You mend your own clothes and you eat pure sugar globs when you think no one is watching you. You pick your nose holes and I know that you sleep on the couch all day if I go mining without you.”  
“Well… I…”  
“Your favorite biome is desert even though you hate the sun. You have a tiny mole between your butt cheeks. You have nightmares about someone with black eyes…”  
“How did you?”  
“You project your thoughts when you have bad dreams,” Steve said matter-of-factly. “I do hear you thinking sometimes when you aren’t actually trying to talk to me. You’re ticklish on your feet and armpits; you sometimes wear a pumpkin when you go hunting alone. Why do you do that anyway?”  
“It lets you look you at endermen safely,” Herobrine replied, stunned.  
“Interesting,” Steve barreled on. “You don’t like wearing undies because it makes you sweaty, you stretch when you’re unsure of yourself. You can write with both hands. Mushroom soup gives you gas but you’ve eaten it like six times without telling me it was giving you stomach problems… should I go on?” He put his hands on either side of Herobrine’s face. The god looked overwhelmed.  
“I know you better then anyone. Maybe even better then you do. Did you know your eyes glow brighter when you look at me? Sometimes I think I even see flashes of the golden eyes under the light.”  
Herobrine said nothing, but he silently overflowed with tears. He choked and let out a wail that sounded like a tiny, but mournful howl.  
Steve’s face fell. “Why are you crying?”  
“Because now I understand how you must have felt when I told you I raped you because I knew that was what you secretly wanted.” The wolfish griefer curled in on himself miserably. “I feel so tiny and weak, like you could just squash me like a bug. You’ve tamed me Steve. I surrender.”  
The human sat back heavily, his hands flopped down at his sides as he gaped. Then he lunged at Herobrine so quickly that the god pressed himself to the floor in pure fear. He shook the griefer’s body roughly. “Don’t ever say that! Don’t ever give up for me! You are not weak! This is just what love is Herobrine. You make yourself open and the other person does the same and you trust them… You trust them not to hurt you. You don’t have to give up who you are to be in love! And I…” Steve calmed down, running his hands through the startled gods hair. “I broke that trust by twisting up your body, and I hurt you in way that won’t heal. I’m so sorry. I wish I could be as perfect as you think I am.” Steve pulled back, and groveled on the floor. “But you are still my god,” he said into the cobbles, “and I won’t stand by and see you tear yourself down. This world is full of people who love you, and other people who are terrified of your abilities. Apart from Jeb; you are the most powerful creature on this seed. It’s a waste of your potential to make yourself smaller to fit me. Be a god, or a monster, or just a human being, I’ll accept whatever makes you comfortable in your own skin. I love you Herobrine, and I want you to be able to love yourself.” He crept forward and laid a kiss on one of the griefer’s clawed toes.  
Herobrine stood up, he towered over his acolyte. Steve looked up at him with such feverish devotion that he shivered from the submissive energy. The god brushed off the wolf features like so much sand from his form. He allowed the heat inside to take him for a moment and let it flame on his naked skin. The human was grinning foolishly at his display of power. The griefer donned his clothes with a wave then clad himself in gold from the waist down and before putting on his fierce Nether brick helm. Belatedly he realized his chest plate was missing and looked down into his inventory.  
“I have it,” Steve replied to the unasked question. “You ballooned it out like the last time you transformed. We need to go have it repaired again.”  
“Good, then I have a reason to go into town apart from finding out what the runner wanted while we were gone.”  
Steve got to his feet; he still wasn’t clean so he made no move to embrace his shining lover. Herobrine kissed the naked miner sweetly. “Thank you Steve. I don’t have words to tell you how wonderful you are. So I’ll take your advice instead. I’ll trust you, and I’ll do my best to earn the trust you have put in me.”  
“I love you,” the human said softly.  
“I love you too.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Steve cast a glance at Herobrine as they rode into town. He wanted to see the subtle smile bloom on the gods face as the Testificates came out of their houses and crowded around them. The shrine had grown in their absence and the summoner only needed one more block of gold. Roulade ran up to them and panted as he tried to catch his breath.  
“Lord Herobrine, Father Steve, I’m so glad you’re here. I have terrible news. Slagathor has escaped.”  
Herobrine’s eye twitched. He said nothing, but dismounted from his suddenly skitterish horse. Little trails of smoke curled from the slits of his nostrils. Steve’s voice was quiet in the back corner of his brain, ‘easy now. Don’t get mad.’  
He griefer spoke through gritted teeth. “What happened?”  
The Testificate seemed to wilt under his glowing gaze. “Lord, he broke down his bed and then charged the door. He cracked his skull and de-spawned before any of us could get to him.”  
“Good Gods,” Steve swore. “How did he die so easily? How many hearts does a Testificate have?”  
Roulade narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “We have five Father, how many do you have?”  
“Ten,” Steve replied.  
The villager looked at Herobrine in shock. The griefer answered his unspoken question. “I also have ten, but I heal quicker then humans and take less damage from blows.” The god addressed Steve mentally, ‘where would he have re-spawned?’  
‘I don’t know, perhaps in the bed he’d slept in before that one? Who knows, I’ve never been desperate enough to pull such a crazy stunt. But we don’t know where that bed is, or even if he came back at all. He could be half-way across the seed; or gone forever.’  
The god turned back to Roulade, “have there been any signs of the force we fought before? I mean, you have all been patrolling like I told you too, right?”  
“Oh yes, lord. They go in pairs too, for greater safety.”  
The griefer raised an eyebrow, listening to his mate in his head. ‘They fight as teams remember? It’s for the best not to separate them.’  
“Did you have any other news for me?”  
“Well…” Hollandaise skittered up to his mate. “I’m sorry I’m late, did you give it to him yet?” Roulade colored and hissed at his husband. “Just go and spoil it why don’t you?”  
“Give me what?” Herobrine sighed, “Please tell me it’s not more bad news.”  
Roulade snapped his fingers and a chest was brought out and set beside him. “For you Lord.”  
The griefer schooled his expression, “you open it.”  
“Very well.” Roulade drew out a purple garment and passed it to him with a reverent air. “We wish to make you our god-king and honor Father Steve as our highest priest. We do not expect the father to wear one of our hats, but we have removed the most important part to give to you.” Hollandaise walked closer to Steve and opened a small box. The miner’s eyes glittered as he sighed. “It’s a green quartz, Father, very rare. We will set it however you would like, and we’d be honored if you’d wear it.” Herobrine leaned over to see, “I have a better idea.”  
He plucked the oblong gem delicately from the box and turned to Steve, who watched him warily. Herobrine kissed the flat back of the brilliant stone, and gave it the smallest lick with the tips of his tongue. Then he pressed it with a tiny flash of light against the center of his lover’s bony chest-plate. The bone accepted the gem and hugged around it like a bezel. The miner touched the milky stone gingerly, “thank you, it’s beautiful.”  
Roulade nodded in approval, “it will give you some clout when you visit strange villages, they will know our kind has given you high honors.”  
Hollandaise addressed Herobrine directly, “we did not know what to give you Lord, no Testificate crown could be grander then your helm; and your position is unique. But Father Steve had mentioned that you chill easily. We hope our gift pleases you.”  
The griefer unrolled the purple garment he’d been holding. It was a long cloak, achingly soft and deep purple, with a dark magenta lining. It was terribly gaudy and he felt Steve desperately willing him to be polite. The god slung it around his shoulders with a swirl of fabric and did up the double hook under his neck. His eyes creased at the corners as he smiled widely. “Thank you all, I accept your gift and your offer if you’ll have me.”  
The crowd gave a cheer and he soothed them with softer words, “But I did come down for a specific reason. I need your assistance actually. Where is the blacksmith?”  
Fingers pointed and the villagers moved aside to allow their rulers to pass. The pair led the horses, touching hands that reached out, and giving greetings to those who they remembered from the battle. Tungsten was waiting for them by the anvil as his small mate Drillby clung to his muscular arm.  
Herobrine gave a shallow bow to show respect for the Testificate’s profession, and the craftsman returned it. The god gave a gesture to his lover and Steve flipped the blown out golden armor plate from his inventory.  
“Again, my Lord?”  
The griefer sighed theatrically. “Yes. Again.”  
Steve chuckled and addressed the smaller Testificate. “How’s life treating you Drillby?”  
“It’s a much more comfortable existence since you two came along.” He winked and Herobrine shook his head.  
“I guess it’s hard making out secretly with a blacksmith,” the griefer giggled. “As soon as the hammering stops, people start thinking you’re up to something eh?”  
The villager blushed. Steve was miming something enormous with an equally big smile on his own face. “Yes Father,” he tittered. “That too.”  
Tungsten paused in his hammering and looked over his shoulder, “are you talking about me?”  
“Partially,” Drillby replied with a grin. He turned back to the lovers, laughing quietly into his hand. “Can I fetch anything for you?”  
“Nah,” Herobrine replied, “I’m good.”  
Steve took his hand, “we were thinking of taking a walk, maybe find a shady spot to sit while Tungsten works so he doesn’t feel hurried. Can you tend to our horses? They don’t need anything, just tie them up so they don’t wander off.”  
Drillby bowed gracefully, “it would be my pleasure.”  
Herobrine passed the reins and stuck out the crook of his elbow for his lover to take. Steve accepted it gracefully and the two set out into the village. The griefer smiled as his lover’s lips touched his cheek softly. All around them the people hurried to various tasks, occasionally stopping to wave or watch their rulers kiss sweetly as they strolled. It didn’t take long for them to reach the make-shift shrine.  
“We should just give them the last block of gold. They’ve obviously been searching for that missing bit for quite some time.”  
“That would be a very nice thing to do,” Steve answered. The human sat down on the low foot of the pyramid and patted the space beside him. Herobrine flopped down beside him and cast part of the cloak over his lover like a protective wing.  
The golden sunlight painted the scattering of offered blocks in long shadows. It glittered on iron and redstone, obsidian and even a single block of diamond. Herobrine watched the village in silence.  
Steve curled closer to him and whispered, “sixty-two souls Herobrine, all of them safe and happy because of you. You made a place for the homeless and the shamed. Can you feel their love for you? Their want and gratitude? How could you ever feel weak when so many believe in your power? And these are just the ones who had the means or need to travel, there are surely more who were able to stay where they were. They believe. Just like I do.”  
The sound of the blacksmith’s tapping echoed over the hills.  
“Thank you Steve, for being my everything.”  
“I feel the same way about you.”  
The sound of pounding feet broke their reverie, and the lovers looked back towards the swamp to see a pair of Testificates running with an angry skeleton in hot pursuit.  
“Sixty-four souls,” Herobrine said conversationally. “You might want to call off your brother.”


	65. A Favor Redeemed

Steve shot up, “Tang, please stop!”  
The villagers ran around the side of the pyramid and attempted to hide behind Herobrine. The orange-sweatered skeleton jogged up to Steve and did the mime for trespassers, pointing furiously.   
Herobrine wheeled on them and the two hit the ground in obeisance before he could speak. He blinked, realizing who they were. “Escar and Godot; we meet again. Just passing through?”  
“We were intending too, Lord, Father Steve. But we have urgent news to bring now.”  
Steve paused from soothing an angry Tang. “Sorry we ditched you guys, but it was too dangerous to take you with us.”  
Godot waved the suggestion away, “we understand Father Steve. Lord Herobrine’s healing was a very personal matter. But we must tell you, we are running ahead of a very violent hurricane.”   
“What’s a hurry-cane?” Steve asked, confused.   
The god stared for a moment, “oh, you’ve never lived on the coast, have you?”  
“No, I always preferred forest biomes personally.”  
“It’s a huge storm and it can overflow the ocean on the shorelines.”  
“And we live in a low area…” Steve finished for him. “We have to evacuate the village!”   
Herobrine thumped a fist into his hand, “no. I have a better idea. We’ll take them home with us and I’ll sheathe the tower in bedrock. Then we’ll shelter until it passes over.”  
“Can you shift that many blocks?” Steve asked in wonderment. The Testificates looked stunned as well.  
“I’m going to try. It might be noisy and take an hour or so though… you’re wearing an odd expression, my lamb. What’s on your mind?   
The grinning human pulled out the whistle, “you reinforce the tower, and I’ll get everyone and their stuff there in a hurry.”   
Herobrine kissed him gleefully, “you’re brilliant!” And then; with a blink, the griefer teleported away.   
Steve ran down the lane to the village. While Tang clattered after him with Escar and Godot in tow. They banged on doors and set the people to breaking down trunks and filling inventories. Hollandaise and Roulade ran out the perimeter and broke down the summoner, gathering the offerings for safe-keeping. He fetched Herobrine’s repaired armor and enlisted Tungsten and Drillby to help the younger Testificates gather their things.   
Loud bangs echoed across the plains and the people strained their eyes to see the source of the commotion.   
High at the top of the tower Herobrine stood, the wind whipping his purple cloak like a battle flag. He slammed his palms on the earth and the dirt flipped to bedrock like cascades of gray lava down the sides of their home. Then he’d take a few steps and do it again as he made a slow circuit of the building.   
Steve gathered everyone near the lava pool and crossed his fingers. The clouds were already massing on the horizon and the wind was racing over the hills. He blew the whistle and it crumbled in his hands. There was a moment of breathless silence and then… they were there.  
Steve had never seen so many endermen in once place. “Don’t look! Look at your feet!” He shouted. The trembling townsfolk obeyed him in terror.   
“Please! I need the favor you have promised me! These innocents must be moved at once. Into yonder tower before the storm hits, will you help us?”   
The terrifying black figures nodded amongst themselves a moment and converged on the crowd. They grabbed and teleported the people, some coming back several times for more. Steve stood with Tang and their horses and made sure he was the last to go. The enderman loomed over him, and he sneaked a quick glance upward. “Thank you. If I can ever assist you again, you know where I’ll be.”   
The response was incoherent but he understood, it had been a long shot to even ask. There was a moment of sickening disorientation as he was dragged briefly through the void and dumped out in his own garden. The Testificates were milling everywhere and sitting on the grass and benches. Some were obviously disoriented, but they seemed fine otherwise. Steve laid two blocks under himself and stood on the pillar to do a head-count. All sixty-four Testificates were accounted for and he breathed a sigh of relief. Alex thundered up the stairs, “What on the seed is going on up here?”  
Steve jumped down, “Alex, there’s a big storm coming, I need you to bring the cats up at least two floors and get your important things up as well in case the basement floods.” He grabbed a random person and then another and shooed them down the steps, “go help her!”  
“Yes, Father Steve!”  
Tang emerged from the crowd and Steve addressed them urgently. “Find your brothers! Get them all inside and up here, Karen too, if she isn’t already!” Tang snapped off a salute and ran down the spiral stairs.  
There was some murmuring from the crowd as the griefer appeared at a hole in the ceiling. He slid down the ladder, his cloak billowing. “The outside is covered and it’s already starting to rain a little. Should we go down one floor to the common room or stay here?”   
“I don’t know, have you ever done this before?”   
Herobrine looked sheepish, “I’ve generated one of these before. But it’s different when you’re soaring amongst the clouds and throwing lighting down to the ground below. Especially when I didn’t care if things got broken or people were hurt.”   
He realized Roulade was listening and looked at him. “It was a long time ago.”   
The villager put his hands in his sleeves, “I understand Lord. Many of us know who and what you used to be. They chose to trust in you anyway because of your more recent actions. The young ones especially do not care about the past. They are too busy being grateful to finally have a future.”   
Steve sniffled at that, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. He heard a gentle voice from the back of his mind. ‘You have such tender hearts my lamb; it’s a beautiful thing to behold in one so burly and strong.’   
Alex came back up the steps, suddenly she barreled past them. She roughly grabbed a pair of villagers and shoved them away from the touchie block which was practically vibrating with angry humming. She blew a sharp whistle against her fingers and all heads turned to her. “House rules!” She shouted. “Do not touch this block unless you want to get pinched to death like the witch Herobrine fought.” There were a few gasps and the crowd moved back from the space where she and the block were. “We also have a pet creeper, she is defused and wearing a sweater, do not hurt her. Stay in this room unless I, Steve or Herobrine tells you to move. We don’t know how high the water might get and I want everyone to stay together. If you have a bed on you, set it up, we might be here a few hours. Don’t step on the plants. If you want to eat something, feel free to pull it up and replant it. Leave the bean pods on the birch trees alone, they’re not what you think and no good raw. Do not cut down any trees or leaf pick. If you want an apple, ask. We have plenty. We’ll set up an extra bathroom and a furnace shortly. That’s all for now.”  
She walked back to the boys, tying her long hair back as she strode. “That was great,” Steve said. “I’ll get the furnace, some coal, a few water buckets and a sponge block.” He trotted away and the griefer watched his retreating ass with a smile.   
Herobrine gave Alex a look of admiration. “I’ve always said you never know someone until you see how they behave in an emergency. I’m impressed.”   
The archer grinned, “You should be.”   
Herobrine shook his head as Alex strode away. He was far too amused to be irritated. The griefer plunked down a dirt block. He spread his cloak open like a wide skirt and let it puddle in the grass as he settled down on the block. The sky above was rolling dark, and the room was filled with a soft reddish light that did not come from the pale yellow torches. Outside the storm battered against the tower, but the bedrock he’d clad everything with kept them safe from the wind. There was a groan of trees tearing loose far below and the sickening sound of ocean waves far closer then they should ever be. His brow crinkled with worry, imagining that there would be little left of the village when this was over. But at least they were safe, and if they could weather the storm without losing a single soul, that would be acceptable.   
The god shuddered in fear as a formation of clouds made the shape of a pair of night black eyes, and he was left to wonder if this was deliberate. Was Notch so petty that Herobrine doing good and being liked would make him angry? And if that was the case, could he even survive a direct and angry blow from a much more powerful deity then himself?   
A bit of quiet shuffling broke him from his unhappy thoughts. Several pairs of Testificates had settled on the grass around him. They watched the clouds above and held one another close. One with a wide gray belt noticed his attention and poked their mate.   
“Is it okay if we sit with you Lord? Being close to you helps us feel less afraid.”  
Herobrine blinked, he was so stunned he froze a moment. “Yes,” he replied softly, “I don’t mind.” But his heart clenched in fear, imagining Notch’s rage at his own people being comforted by the company of his hated brother. There was nothing for it, he’d made his bed and there was no going back. Steve’s love was like lying in lava; an all encompassing warmth that filled his once empty soul with sunlight and life. But being surrounded like this, with people who wanted his presence so deeply… It was a healing balm for someone who had once depended on the energy of others to just stay in the world.   
He let the soft light of his eyes grow until it filled the space in front of him like the halo of a glowstone. “Would you… like to hear a story?”  
“Oh yes Lord!” The youths crowded closer. Sitting and kneeling at the griefer’s feet. He looked at the sea of eager faces and took a deep breath before beginning to speak.


	66. Tempest Tossed

Steve was setting up the furnace when he noticed the young Testificates creeping up on the brooding griefer. He made his way a little closer so he could hear what his lover said to them, and then smiled broadly. The god was regaling them with a lightly embroidered version of how they had fought a giant bug to earn the favor that delivered the villagers safely to the tower.  
Roulade sidled up to the miner. He looked at the tableau with concern, “Father Steve, should I shoo them away for you?”  
“Oh, no. Don’t do that,” Steve replied mildly. “Herobrine likes to feel wanted just like anyone else. For a very long time I was the only one who would even look at him without running away, let alone seek his company. Being in public makes him anxious, but it’s fine if he feels welcome. I’ll know if he needs to be left alone.”  
“He is more then welcome Father. You are both heroes in our eyes, your strength is respected and your love inspires us all. We voted before offering you both your positions and there was not one dissenting voice amongst us. Even if this disaster costs us everything, we will still have each other. He will still be our god and you our priest and we will still owe you more then mere words can express.”  
Steve looked humbled, and his reply was quiet. “Thank you Roulade, you’ll never really know how much you and your people have helped me and Herobrine both to heal our past prejudices.”  
The elder smiled softly, and looked behind Steve. “I think he might need you now.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine finished speaking, the eyes of the small crowd around him were aglow with wonder; all fear forgotten. He felt exhausted in body and spirit and the hand that fell lightly on his shoulder was a like a warm dollop of lava that soothed all his ills.  
Steve made the tiniest of gestures and the audience got up and wandered back into the crowd all around them. He embraced his lover. ‘You’re cold Herobrine, are you feeling okay?’  
The god responded to his mental question, ‘I’m just so tired. All that glitching and it’s been so long since I slept…’  
‘Well why don’t you get some rest? I’ll keep an eye on everybody.’  
His grin was sardonic and mirthless, ‘I can’t rest; there are monsters nearby. There are eyes in the storm Steven, there’s something terrible waiting for us out there. Something too powerful for even me to fight.’  
‘It’s all gone isn’t it? I can hear the water below; do you think there’s anything left of the village?’  
‘I doubt it, a storm this powerful, it might change the water table permanently if it takes away too much of the shoreline. It’s been roaring out there for at least a day and most of a night. There’s no way this is natural.’  
‘Do you think it’s…?’  
‘Don’t say his name, don’t even think it. It might get his attention the same way it used to work with me.’  
Alex slipped up next to them. “There’s something wrong, isn’t there?” She whispered. “You two might not be talking aloud, but Herobrine’s eyes are really dim and you look very concerned.”  
Herobrine thought at her loudly, ‘I think there’s something waiting to ambush us once we leave the safety of the tower. It’s not natural for a storm this strong to rage for so long. It should have moved over us by now. And I’m concerned that rebuilding in the same area may be a waste of time if this is going to be the new norm for this place. But I don’t know how we could get everyone safely away from here. The nearest friendly settlement is days away, and we’d probably lose a few people to hazards and run out of food before we got there.’  
Alex tapped her chin, “I know how to get everyone very far away in a big hurry, but you won’t like it.”  
Herobrine went cold.  
“We don’t have much of a choice,” Steve answered, “we’re going to have to rebuild anyway. Maybe it’s best to not do it on a mucky and ruined plain covered with drowned animals and dead fish. And I trust Herobrine’s instincts for danger, I don’t want to face anything my nigh immortal lover is afraid of.”  
Alex took a breath, “we can cut through the Nether. It’s a calculation error. If you take eight steps in the Nether; it moves you eighty steps here. So we portal in, make another portal as far away as we can go safely and then step through. It will dump us somewhere very far away and we can start fresh.”  
Herobrine curled on himself, he was trying not to show how terrified he was, but the guttering light in his eyes gave away his fear. He gripped Steve’s hand so tightly it was beginning to bruise.  
The archer addressed them both, “I know that both of you have not had time to set new points and if this is a real threat; we don’t have time to do so. I am the only one of us who has slept their most recent save in this house. I will go.”  
Steve tried to free his hand from the god’s diamond grip, “you need me, and I’ll go with you.”  
Alex looked at Herobrine’s pleading eyes. “No Steve. I don’t need you. Herobrine needs you to help him make this journey. Go and fetch your beasts and mine, and I will make the portal and pave the way.”

* * * * * * * * * *

It seemed like it had been hours since Alex disappeared beyond the pink light of the obsidian doorway; though in truth it was more a matter of minutes. Herobrine seemed lost in his own little world and the miner was forced to enlist his brothers in the task of bringing the three horses and Alex’s cats up the stairs into the garden. Steve cut down their cheery tree, stowed the saplings and guided the villagers into harvesting the rest of the garden. He emptied the trunks in their room and made two trips to fill Herobrine’s inventory as he sat still and silent as a statue.  
Outside the clouds were a black wall overhead, and the rain continued to pour in buckets down onto the indestructible tower. The wind tried to scour the naked bedrock to no avail and the ocean now sloshed back and forth in the first few floors.  
Steve made himself a small pillar and addressed the crowd. He explained the danger they were all in and proposed that they flee far away rather then try to rebuild in the ruins of their homes. He added that the remainder of Slagathor’s army would also not be able to hassle them while they did their reconstruction if they were elsewhere. And he added that Alexsezia had bravely ventured into the Nether caverns to make a path for them to travel and another portal for them to use to reenter the world.  
“If anyone wants to stay, I warn you that you’ll have to burrow under the walls outside to get out and the water table is very high, so you might be trapped for some time.”  
Hollandaise and Roulade stepped forward, their hands entwined. “I do not think anyone will stay Father. We trust in you, Herobrine and Alexsezia to lead us.”  
There was a whoosh behind them and all heads turned to see Alex emerge from the glow of the portal. Her clothes were grubby and smeared with soot, but her expression was triumphant and she cradled a wither skull under one arm. She lobbed the skull at Herobrine and it bounded up into his inventory.  
“Thanks for the boots, Herobrine. They’re lava-proof and great for kicking ghasts in the face as well.”  
He seemed to focus on her for the first time. “You’re welcome,” he replied slowly.  
The archer addressed the crowd of Testificates. “The way has been prepared, and marked with both torch and cobblestone, but you will still need to run. Stay with your partners and move away from the portal once you come through on the other side. Please, anyone who can; carry a cat for me. I don’t want to lose my little ones in the Nether. Take everything you can, because we won’t be coming back.”  
Steve tried to rouse his god, but the griefer seemed paralyzed with fear. ‘Please Herobrine; snap out of it, we have to go. You have to carry the touchie block; no one else can take it safely.’  
The god nodded weakly and allowed himself to be led to the oaken hive. He picked it up gently and put it away. The touchies that had been outside of it descended on him, sensing that the cube with their fellows inside was still nearby. The striped insects clustered on Herobrine’s shoulders and milled around, but did not pinch him. The griefer ignored them; he stared into space and meekly allowed Steve to guide him back to the obsidian monolith.  
The last of the Testificates passed through, and the god became dimly aware of the human practically dragging him towards the ominous opening. The tower was silent but for the howling of the wind without. Glass shattered overhead as the stump of a tree was flung into it by the storm. Steve pulled with all his might but Herobrine wouldn’t budge. He was visibly shaking and had grown several fleshy roots that dug aggressively into the earth around his feet. His eyes guttered as he stared into nothing and his face was pinched with pain.  
The miner yanked at his legs, shedding frustrated tears on his god’s feet. “We have to go now Herobrine! They need us! You know I won’t leave you behind; I’ll be with you every step of the way! You have to trust me and we have to hurry!”  
“I can’t do it. I can’t go back there.”  
Steve’s expression was grim; he drew out the glittering ender pearl sword. “I hate to do this, but you don’t have a choice. Come with me willingly, or I’ll cut these horrible roots off and carry you. I know how much it would hurt, but I’d rather injure you then abandon you.”  
Boiling tears slid down Herobrine’s face as he hung his head in shame. The roots snaked back up into the skin of his bare ankles. He offered his hands in defeat as if his lover would shackle them and lead him like a slave. The human put the sword away and slung the griefer’s arm across his shoulders. The touchies on his cloak buzzed loudly as they were jostled and a few of them relocated to perch on Steve’s helmet. All together, they stepped into the light.


	67. Bat Out Of The Nether

The pair stumbled forward as the smell of hot rock, decay and fire assaulted them. The air was alive with groans, the heaving breaths of blazes and distant wails of crying ghasts. Steve forced the limp griefer to keep moving and placed a TNT block in the portal opening. He buried a pickaxe in it and hurried his god down the path Alex had made.  
Ahead of them the Testificicates were running, hands held fast together, faces painted in shades of terror. Violet had been trailing the crowd when they heard the blast. The skeleton raced back to hir masters, putting Herobrine’s other arm around their shoulders. Alex herself had been keeping both a lookout and an orderly procession of villagers into the portal out. Now she was running towards them. She was tracking the ghast that had noticed the stragglers separated from the living herd. The ghast wailed mournfully and the trio saw with horror the vast white monster bearing down on them from above.  
The ghast shrieked as the archer’s missile found its mark. Its tentacles flailed uselessly as it spit fireballs at the puny creatures below. Alex dodged nimbly out of the way as the projectile burst in flames at her feet. And then the ghast was going down in a pall of fire with an arrow in its brow. Hollandaise was standing in the doorway of the portal out; he was shouting and motioning them to hurry. Violet looked back and Steve felt his brother push the god to move faster.  
Fire blossomed around them as two blazes emerged from a nearby lava pit, and the monsters snapped at their heels as they all reached the obsidian gate and leaped inside. 

-Leaving the Nether- 

Alex emerged in a dead run and she dragged Steve, Herobrine and Violet behind her by yanking on their clothes. The touchies lifted off into a small swarm and lazily circled the crowd.  
With a treble howl, the blazes emerged from the portal and spit fireballs at the creatures in their sights. The villagers scattered, running in pairs to climb trees and hide behind rocks. Steve reluctantly let go of Herobrine, trusting Violet to keep the dazed god upright. The human drew his sword and ran after one of the blazes.  
The second blaze noticed the helpless griefer and made a beeline for him. Some of the younger Testificates picked up rocks and snowballs and pelted the monster. They shouted taunts as Violet let Herobrine down to the ground and drew out their bow. The blaze turned from the menacing undead and went after the adolescents instead.  
Drillby screamed in terror as the monster threw a fireball at him. The high sound seemed to wake the god from his trance. He rose to all fours and charged the creature that was chasing the blacksmith’s beau. A thrown snowball found its mark on the face of the blaze and it floated sideways, obviously disoriented. This was the opening the Lord of Tears needed. He leaped into the flames and wrenched a blaze rod off the core of the fiery beast. He tore all its limbs off and then beat the remaining head cube into the snowy ground until it lost its fire and despawned.  
Steve finished off the other blaze and ran to him, the loose rods bounding into his inventory as he got close. “Are you hurt, my love?”  
“No... blaze fire is nothing to me; I am upset that we’ve emerged into a snowy landscape though.” The griefer hesitated a moment and then projected his thoughts rather then speak aloud. ‘Thank you for pulling me through Steven; I could not have done that without you.’  
‘I’m sorry I threatened you like that. I don’t want to ever hurt you.’  
‘It couldn’t be helped; I was in a bad place mentally. I guess I just needed someone to need me to snap out of my own fear.’  
Herobrine opened his arms for a hug and let his cloak cover them both like velvet wings.  
A terrific bang rent the air as Alex detonated the portal. The archer trotted up with Karen on her heels. The creeper seemed to be making a smug face. She followed the track of Steve’s eyes back to the plant monster. “Yeah, I think I impressed her with that one. Creepers appreciate a good explosion. We should start walking; I want to escape this freezing taiga before it gets dark.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

The sun rode across the sky as the group plodded along. The dead horses would allow no one but their masters to ride them, so China dragged a crude sledge with some of the older villagers and Alex let the others take turns riding her living horse Smudge. The skeletons were also happy to carry anyone who faltered lest they fall behind.  
The snow soon gave way to red rock mesas with bright stripes of golden sandstone and clean white clay. The rolling hills slowed their progress.  
They came upon a small lake, and Steve conceived of a plan to stretch their food supplies. Herobrine frowned darkly as he stood in the waist-high water. He let his glitch flare for the barest moment, flashing the lake away in a cloud of steam. It left the clay littered with dead and now boiled fish that the villagers gathered up with a rousing cheer.  
Steve helped the griefer back onto his horse and climbed up behind him to keep him from falling. “Nice trick,” he whispered. “I’ve always said you were hot stuff.”  
“Oh shush, I’m so tired I can barely function. I’m sure our villagers aren’t faring much better, we need to shelter tonight.”  
“I’ll take care of that.” Steve replied with confidence. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Alex and Steve stood side by side. Diamond pickaxes raised and then descended; moving almost too fast for eyes to follow. They burrowed quickly into the hillside, racing the sun below the horizon. Herobrine followed after them, laying bright torches on the floors and walls. The Testificates came behind him, putting down beds and cats as the humans expanded the walls. The griefer closed the little hole in the wall behind them with a triple layer of dirt. He looked at the humans with a sense of pride as they slammed the stone with their glittering tools. Outside he heard the hiss, groan and clatter of the monsters coming out.  
The skeletons put themselves in a line before the wall that led to the outside; knowing that their presence would help keep anything hostile from spawning too close.  
Alex walked around and forced all her cats to sit, the horses were tied and a few dirt blocks laid down for Karen to munch on. The Testificates snuggled into their beds, doubled up for safety and love. Herobrine watched them all, his dim eyes glowing brighter then the torch light. Hollandaise and Roulade were tangled up together already snoring, and the sight of Tungsten curled protectively around tiny Drillby gave him extra reasons to smile softly. The god set down the touchie block and the bugs rose from his shoulders to join their kin in the hive.  
Steve set a bed down next to the wall and made room beside him. “At least take your chest-plate off,” he murmured. The griefer shed it obediently and tossed his long cloak over them both like a blanket. The miner snuggled in close to his chest and his hearts quickened a bit at the human’s warm breath on his collarbone. Steve’s hands snaked up under Herobrine’s cyan shirt and hiked it high to expose his chest.  
The words in his mind betrayed the god’s exhaustion. ‘I don’t know what you’re intending my lamb; but I haven’t slept in days. I don’t think I could give you the attention you deserve in a room full of sleeping villagers; at least not without aggravating everyone else.’  
‘I just want a little taste of you, I won’t bite and you don’t have to do anything.’  
Herobrine gasped quietly as the human pressed his flat tongue against one of the god’s nipples. The single pixel rose in response and he leaned into the feeling. Steve lapped at the tiny nub and then put his lips around it, sucking gently. He pinched the other one carefully, raising it up like its mate. The griefer wiggled in pleasurable annoyance as he was played with. Steve was suckling on him insistently and threw a leg over his hip so their crotches were nestled together.  
Just as Herobrine felt himself getting raw from the attention; Steve let go with a soft pop. He kissed his way down his lover’s vulnerable flesh, making him shiver as a breath ghosted over the tiny dot of his belly button. The human nuzzled against him, taking deep draughts of the spicy scent that once terrified him. The god arched into his kisses, biting his own lip to quell the desire to tell his mate aloud how he as feeling.  
The voice in his head was tiny, but distinct; ‘you don’t have to say anything my love. I can feel the happy glow coming off of you. I know how much you enjoy certain emotions. Tell me, how do I taste to you?’  
‘Like a mouthful of chocolate, like a drink of water in the desert, like lying down in lava and feeling every pixel fill with healing warmth, like…’ Herobrine’s thoughts shattered as Steve’s lips slid down over his manhood. He hadn’t even noticed the human deftly undoing his golden pants and jeans beneath. His square peg slid smoothly into the angular hole of his double’s mouth. Steve rocked against him softly, laving every corner and angle with his tongue.  
Herobrine heard the question in his mind, ‘can you come a little less this time? I don’t want to choke and wake everyone up.’  
‘Fear not, sweet lamb. I’m too exhausted to make more then a mouthful.’ He felt the nod against his hips and Steve set to teasing the tiny hole at the tip of his rod. The god trembled. ‘Oh my lamb, I need you inside me again so badly I can taste it. I just want to let go for a while and let my pious priest have his way with me.’  
Steve grinned around the generous cock in his mouth. ‘When we get settled again, I promise I’ll gladly use your ghastly skin to thoroughly mine your fiery ravine. For now though, just allow me to take a quiet communion before we rest.’  
‘It will be, as you wish.’  
The miner focused on the warm flesh in his mouth, feeling with his tongue the little pulses of blood beneath the smooth surface. It throbbed pleasingly betwixt his flushed lips. ‘What’s your favorite thing in the world?’ Steve asked mentally.  
‘You.’  
‘Second favorite?’  
‘Lava.’  
‘Third favorite?’  
Herobrine quirked an eyebrow; ‘touchie syrup, all over you.’  
‘You should hold that thought for a moment.’  
The god closed his eyes, sheer exhaustion was making it hard to focus on the attention Steve was lavishing on his root. He visualized a sticky and wanting Steve, whimpering to be cleaned by his mate. He saw Steve posed like the most sacred of offerings, naked, pleading and dripping with sweet gold. The god imagined making himself a flat tongue like a cat and licking every square of the moaning human’s skin.  
The miner shivered, seeing the vision in his lover’s mind. ‘I would do that for you.’  
The Lord of Tears came into him before the thought was even finished. He let all the horror and stress of the past few days pour out of him into a tiny bitter glob that the human gladly gulped down and destroyed. He stoked his fingers gratefully through Steve’s soft brown hair. ‘Thank you.’  
‘…I miss our home already Herobrine.’  
‘Home for me is wherever you are, my lamb. We’ll build a new home, even better then before because we won’t be hiding. We’ll build our own spooky mansion on a hill with a separate house just for your brothers. And I’ll make us a lovely room with a fitting shrine for my holy lamb to rest upon.’  
Steve felt himself drifting on Herobrine’s loving words that wrapped around him like a cozy blanket. The griefer curled around him like a shield, and the two fell into a deep sleep together.


	68. A Notch in the Griefer's Armor

Herobrine woke into a silence so profound it was instantly frightening. It seemed as if everyone around him had been switched off, and the very colors in the room were dim and gray. He felt a familiar presence and his hearts hammered out of time. The man was standing in shadow the end of the bed. The only light was a shine of torch glow on his flat bald pate. Instinctively Herobrine snaked out of Steve’s grip and put his own body between his lover and the horrible figure that stalked his nightmares.   
“I get it,” Herobrine growled. “I’m too lowly for you to actually talk too. Well that’s fine with me. If you think I’m just a beast; that’s how I’ll act when you’re around.”   
The god let his mouth open the entire lower part of his head; revealing a treble row of fearsome teeth. He allowed his thick fingers to unfold into burning claws and crouched protectively over his sleeping mate. The growl started like distant thunder, a rolling grumble that vibrated all throughout his straining form. “I don’t want to fight you,” the griefer stated, his voice a dangerous sibilant hiss. “But I also won’t let you hurt Steve, or me. I don’t even care if I tear up the world in the process.”   
Herobrine lunged like a dog, his powerful jaws snapping where Notch’s neck had been only a moment before. The other god had vanished like so much smoke.   
Herobrine had barely a moment to smile in victory before he was snatched from the bed like a mouse. An unseen, and colossal, hand gripped him and he clawed at anything in reach to prevent being dragged up and away. He cried in frustration as he was lifted over a bare spot of floor. The struggling griefer thought about calling out for Steve, but knew in his heart that this force would crush his lover even more effortlessly then it was slowly squeezing the life out of him. The pressure on his ribs made him cough as he gasped desperately for air. His vision dimmed as he fixed his eyes on Steve’s peaceful sleeping form. “Goodbye, my love…”  
Herobrine’s body was wracked with coughs that only got more violent as the suffocating pressure increased around him. His guts clenched in agony and let loose with what was within. The dying god opened his mouth to croak in pain as his ribs cracked and poured forth a measure of foul liquid from his lips. The horrible substance crackled with static and burned like lava and the unseen hand dropped him as swiftly as if he’d poured pure acid on living flesh.   
Herobrine fell with a wet splat into a puddle of his own slimy, corrupted code. The pain in his torso was too much to let him rise, but he turned his head so the ear side rested on the floor to keep from downing in the shallow pool of numbers and electrical muck. He crawled on hands and knees and the shimmering fluid rolled towards him, melting back into him through the joins in his limbs. His twisted muscles relaxed back into their normal forms as his hearts slowed to their usual frantic pace. The griefer wanted dearly to go back to the bed, but couldn’t move for the agony of his own broken bones. He also feared what might happen if Steve touched even a drop of the slime he’d vomited forth. Completely spent; he collapsed on the floor next to the bed, curling his cloak around his shivering form. His eyes closed, and Herobrine knew no more. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Steve felt like he’d been struggling to awaken for hours when his eyes finally opened. His hand patted the bed sleepily, but his lover was not there. A soft groan got his attention and he pulled himself to the edge of the bed.   
The god lay on the stone floor in an apparent ball of misery. He was clearly asleep but his face was angry and pinched with pain. With a sigh Steve hopped off the bed.   
He knelt down and picked up his double almost as easily as the god often did to him. The miner laid his mate on the bed and curled up next to him. He watched as the lines on the griefer’s face smoothed out, and then he also went back to sleep. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine woke up confused; he remembered the pain in his ribs, the agony of ejecting part of his chaotic core. But he also woke to his lover still wrapped around his body. Face buried in the warm skin of his soft belly and his arms around Herobrine’s waist.   
It was in his nature to heal quickly and he was left to wonder if the terrible experience had only been a bad dream.   
Steve yawned as languidly as a cat, and the god relished the feel of the human’s muscular form stirring against his own. They touched one another gently and Herobrine felt his hearts twisting with emotions he had no name for. The griefer petted his lover as if to reassure himself that he was awake and that Steve was really there beside him. He kissed the miners matted hair and felt the human start slightly as a single blue pixel fell wetly on his skin.   
Steve looked up confused and Herobrine let his eyes slide almost closed so his double wouldn’t be forced to squint into his light. The human gently probing at his mind felt like the stroke of a single finger into the pages of a book.   
“Did you have another nightmare about Notch?” Steve whispered softly.   
“Yes.”  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
The griefer shook his head no, but his lips moved slightly as if he desperately did want to speak. His gruff voice in Steve’s head sounded so desperately sad. ‘I just… Steve… you make me feel like a person instead of a thing. And at the best of times you make me feel every inch a true god. I feel like I want to be better for you, just so you’ll smile and be proud of me.’  
Steve took a shuddering breath; he crawled up closer and pressed the edges of their foreheads together. He wanted to make sure Herobrine could hear him as well as touch him. ‘I’m always proud of you my love; I see how hard you try every day.’  
Herobrine’s eyes crinkled at the corners. Being loved was such an over-whelming feeling for him. ‘I wish the admins loved me even a 100th of the amount that you do. Notch hurts me so. He makes me feel like less then nothing, just a mean little animal, or a stray dog for him to kick… Am I really so terrible that I deserve to live with the constant threat of being crushed like a bug?’   
Steve felt the pain radiating from his lover and pressed himself as close as possible to try and comfort his double. ‘I know I can’t protect you. But he let me live, I have to be worth something to him. I would plead your case, and Alex would as well. He must like her at least a little bit; since he did create her with Jeb. She would vouch for you, if only because she knows we would both slowly die of sorrow if we were parted.’   
The gods lip trembled, and he snuggled down closer to Steve, throwing his cloak over their heads to put them in the warm and comforting darkness.   
The miner could only see his lover’s glowing eyes; but he knew Herobrine was crying. A sudden idea occurred to Steve, and he whispered it into his counterpart’s mind. “Do you think there is a way that I could dream with you? You can share my head enough for us to talk, could we fall asleep connected?’  
‘I… don’t know. I’ve never been this close to anyone apart from you. I… I’ll think about it. Maybe we can come up with something together.’  
‘Good. I hate to see those bright eyes dim with tears.’ Steve laid a little kiss on what turned out to be the edge of his lover’s chin. ‘Come on Herobrine, I’ll make us some breakfast. It wouldn’t be good to let the villagers see you crying. We don’t want them to suspect anything is wrong. They have enough to worry about being uprooted from their homes so soon after making them.’  
‘You’re right, as usual. But we need to find a place to settle again soon. I can’t take being in this crowd all night and day. It’s too much attention and expectation.’   
‘Agreed, I like having this many friends, but you and me need time alone to recharge.’


	69. Tiddles and the Witch

Later that day the party was moving through a wooded area when a sudden commotion started Steve out of his daydream. Tang and Gold were dragging an angry looking Testificate by their shoulders, and plopped them down in China’s path. Herobrine called for a rest from somewhere in the crowd behind him and Steve leaped down from his bony steed to investigate the stranger.   
The villager didn’t look like a witch, but their skin was the slightest shade of green. Gold made their gesture for ‘spy’ and pointed at the irate Testificate. The ‘spy’ in question glared darkly at the skeleton as if they understood the complex sign language.   
Steve motioned for the undead to release their captive but stay close at hand. “Who are you stranger?”   
The villager crossed their arms, “I am called Croca. And you, sir, are the stranger. Why do you wear the jewel of a Testificate priest and why have you brought your army here?”   
“I wear this gem because I was honored with such by the people you see around you.” There was some murmuring from the surrounding crowd. “And I am a priest. They call me Father Steve.”   
“Pfft. What god do you serve, human?”   
“He serves the Herobrine.” A voice said from behind Steve.  
Croca choked on hir words and hir knees knocked in fear as the terrifying figure emerged from the crowd. The Testificates parted like water so the griefer could pass, and the villagers held out their hands reverently so his long purple cloak would brush their fingers. The sun glittered on gold armor and diamond chips, and the crest of his helm was like horns rising over his glowing visage.   
The witch dropped to the grass, kneeling submissively. “I surrender! The village is just over the ridge, I will make sure they give you anything you want. Just please don’t grief us!”  
Herobrine exchanged an exasperated look with his mate. “I don’t do that stuff anymore. Not unless I’m punishing someone for specific deeds.”   
Croca looked skeptical, “If you aren’t here to grief or invade why are you traveling with so many Keeshan pairs? Surely I am surrounded by warriors?”   
There was a scattering of snickers from the crowd, and the witch looked around in annoyance.   
Steve smiled gamely, “I don’t know what that word means but I’m guessing it’s a term for a mal/mal pair?” Godot and Escar nodded in unison from across the small clearing. “They are lovers, looking for a new place to settle.” Alex stepped up on the other side of him, leading Smudge and Hellion on a leather strap. “We don’t wish to fight, but we would like to trade with your villagers before we move on.”  
“Alexsezia… Spawn of Notch and Jeb…” Croca breathed. “Truly you travel with heroes and monsters… I… will lead you there and see that that is arranged. We have no army to fight you, so I will have to trust you against my will. We have little contact with other villages out here, has the ban on mal love been lifted? Or is that what you are fleeing from?”   
Herobrine cocked his head, ‘you speak so freely of mals? Are you one of them?”  
The witch turned slightly greener around the cheeks. “No Lo-.” Herobrine made a face and they stopped mid-word. “No, Herobrine. I’m a herm.”  
The griefer felt his mate shifting, ‘don’t ask them Steve, we’ll talk later.’  
The human turned pink, ‘I wouldn’t have asked in public!’  
Croca looked startled, “you two are mind-speakers? I can’t quite hear you, but it sounds like you are communicating with your human…” The witch paused for a moment, suddenly noticing Steve’s diamond ring. The green villager grinned broadly. “I understand; you two are life partners as well?”   
Steve’s hand crept into Herobrine’s and he smiled at it’s warmth without a second thought. Their answer was nearly in unison, “yes, we are.”   
“Astounding! Who are you human Steve? Really?”   
The miner glanced at his mate who shrugged slightly. Reassured, the miner gestured to the skeletons that still flanked their prisoner. “I’m the soul survivor of a great tragedy. Just different enough to merit a normal respawn.”   
Croca’s jaw fell slack, “you mean…? I have to tell Tiddles about this immediately! May I be excused sirs? Some of your people can follow me to the village and the rest come at their own pace if you wish.”   
Herobrine nodded and the witch jumped to their feet and hurried away.   
“Should we be worried about that?” Steve asked mildly.   
“Probably not. How much of a hassle can someone be who would be willingly be addressed as Tiddles?” 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine stared at Tiddles. The zombie stared right back, perfectly placid and content to do so all day long if necessary. The griefer was trying to be nice, but this zombie smelled worse then anything he’d ever encountered before. Even in a human form his sense of smell was more precise then a human and he could feel his tiny sinuses starting to burn from the funk.   
Steve was standing nearby, negotiating with the village headsman and woman. He was trading onions and iron for more meat and milk for their people. “Do you need anything Herobrine?” Steve called cheerfully.   
“Yeah, see if they have any lava.”   
The villagers froze. Steve waved his hands around in consternation. “It’s okay! Seriously! He just wants to take a bath!”   
The griefer folded his arms under all their formerly curious and now; awed stares. Croca came racing up with a rose in xyr hands. “Here you go!”  
The witch bounced on hir heels, “okay Tiddles. Open up.”  
The zombie’s mouth creaked open, and the air that flowed from it made the gods eyes water. He didn’t want to get any closer, but he realized doing a small good deed in public would be good for his image.  
He let a little of his light gather around his fingers as he tore a hunk of red petal from the flower. He shaped it into a flat lozenge and straightened out one edge. The extra pixels fell from his fingers and de-spawned before they even reached the ground. He placed the flat red shape in the zombies mouth and clicked it back against the rotten flesh of their jaw. Hurriedly he withdrew his hands, wiping his watery eyes on the tail of his cloak. A few of the touchies were disturbed and relocated to the top of his helm with a quiet buzz.   
Tiddles moved his mouth experimentally, wagging the bright red tongue between what remained of his teeth. Herobrine braced himself to be shouted at.   
The zombie coughed wetly, spitting a few pixels into the dirt, and fixed his dead eyes on his creator. “You…” the zombie rasped.   
The griefer felt the little hairs on his neck rise; the sound was grating and more then a little angry.   
The zombie looked at Steve, whose face registered an unutterable pity, and then back at Herobrine, who looked merely guilty.   
“Why… did he live? Why… not me?” The zombie growled; “Why not all the others?”   
Croca touched the zombie’s hand. “Tiddles… that’s pretty ungrateful to ask, don’t you think? He did just make you a new tongue.”   
“It may be… but I still want to know.”   
Herobrine looked at the scores of people around them; now listening with held breaths for the gods reply. It was nothing he wanted to air, but lying would only come back to haunt him. He sighed in resignation.   
“You are what you are because of my inexperience with creating life. Steve is the only one of his kind because I sacrificed myself and harvested my own dead hearts ten times to make him. You were made from the bones of the world; with wool and meat, white rock, and water. I didn’t sacrifice enough to keep you alive because I didn’t know any better. And if my pain soothes your anger; know that Notch made me pay very dearly for my folly.”  
There were a few soft gasps at the mention of Notch, and several pairs of eyes watched Steve to see his reaction. But Steve was watching the approach of his skeleton crew. They’d noticed the sudden silence of the crowd and were coming to check on their beloved masters.  
The zombie saw the skeletons and called out, “brothers? Do you also kiss the feet of this worthless excuse for a god?”  
Steve grabbed Herobrine’s hand, hoping against hope he wouldn’t make a scene. The god’s eyes gave away nothing and his mouth was a flat, hard, line. The skeletons bristled with anger. Gold made a rude gesture at the zombie, who was taken aback.   
“Traitors! How can you, who have lost even more then I; serve them?!”   
The skeletons exchanged glances; silently communicating. And then, as one, they made their sign for love.   
Tiddles sneered, “that’s disgusting.” The zombie turned back to Herobrine, who was still visibly angry at being called worthless. “I have you to thank for restoring my speech, but it should have been done 1000 years ago. It’s too late Herobrine. You are unforgivable.” The zombie turned his back on the griefer and stalked back towards the witches little cottage on the edge of town.   
Croca waved hir hands urgently. “I’m so sorry Herobrine. I don’t know what happened exactly back then, but that was rude. Tiddles is bad about holding grudges, but I’ll have a word with him and make him apologize.”  
“No. Don’t bother. He’s mostly right and I deserved that. How did you make friends with a zombie anyway?”  
The witch straightened up proudly, “I’m just green enough hang out with the hostile mobs at night sir. Tiddles took a shine to me and followed me home one night after I had a bad potion blow up in my face. I haven’t been able to smell or taste anything since that accident.”  
The griefer’s eyes narrowed in sudden clarity. “That explains a lot. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to be alone for a while.” Herobrine turned without further words and made his way through the crowd and back out to the edge of town.   
Steve watched him go sadly. Croca sidled up to the human, “is he going to be alright?”  
The crowd around then resumed quietly speaking and going about their daily routines, as Steve considered the seemingly easy question.   
“He’ll be angry for a little while, but most of it will go towards self-loathing. He really does feel very bad about what happened to all my brothers.” Gold and Cyan laid gentle hands on Steve’s shoulders and he smiled at his crew. “Not everyone is as forgiving as my friends here. And I wouldn’t have been able to give them the garments that protect them from the sun without Herobrine’s help.”   
Alex stood up from the block she’d been sitting on, and walked up to the pair. Steve passed her some ingots, “can you finish this while I check on him?”  
She nodded sagely, “you tend to him and I’ll gladly handle everything else.”   
“Thank you.”


	70. Eyes In the Darkness

At the edge of the tree line Steve spotted a rectangular structure. It was raw dirt and not terribly large. The griefer had made a box out of dirt cubes and blocked himself in. Steve sent him a thought, to confirm his suspicions.  
“I’m alone love, can I come in?”  
“Yes, if you must.”  
The miner knocked out two blocks and hopped down into the small, dark room. Only Herobrine’s eyes were visible and Steve felt his way along the wall towards him.  
“Here, hang on, you’re going to get hurt.” The god set a redstone torch on the floor and bathed them both in the eerie crimson glow.  
Steve sat down on the floor with the flame between them. “Did you just get overwhelmed from all the attention?” he asked tentatively.  
“Yes, your so-called god was already feeling exposed and anxious and then that zombie resurrected all that ancient history in front of everyone.” He shook his head. “I would have fixed them a long time ago if I could, but I didn’t even remember that their condition was my fault in the first place.” Herobrine spread his hands in a helpless gesture, “I understand that it’s impossible to make everyone happy all the time, and I’m not going to beat myself up over it. But sometimes a creature like me needs to hide in the dark for a little while from all those prying eyes.”  
“I brought you something that might make you feel a little better.”  
“What is it my lamb?”  
Steve held out his hands, they were covered in blood. Upon his palms rested three slabs of beef; they were terribly fresh and very, very raw.  
Herobrine chuckled softly to himself and accepted the meat gracefully. The miner rubbed off the remaining red pixels by scrubbing his hands against the grassy floor. He watched the griefer from the corner of his eye.  
Herobrine swallowed the first chunk of meat in a single gulp and then bit the second roughly in half before throwing it down his gullet as well. His ferocity was born more of hunger then lack of decorum and he chewed on the third steak thoughtfully.  
“Keeping an eye on your beast?” He asked with a wry smile.  
“Well you are quite handsome, I just like to drink it in sometimes.”  
Herobrine laughed sardonically. He was far too aware of his greasy brown locks and sweaty clothes. One bucket of lava was not enough for a proper bath and he’d been too stressed and exhausted to make more for far too long. “Bah, I stink and I know it.”  
Steve returned his good humor with interest. “You and me both, it’s a good thing our horses and my brothers don’t have functioning noses.  
“You know, Karen has been giving me a pretty wide berth for days…”  
“Don’t take it personally; she’s just become rather fond of Alex. I also have some other news that might lift your spirits love.”  
Herobrine sucked the remaining bloody pixels from his fingers. “What would that be?”  
“I know where we should be headed now. The natives told me that there’s a biome about a days walk away that has a small plains area bordered by a jungle and a swamp. We’ll have to cross a river to get over there but it sounds ideal otherwise.”  
“That sounds like a better plan then what we already had I mind, so I’ll go wherever my sweet lamb leads me.”

* * * * * * * * * *

There was some resistance, but an offering of emeralds from Hollandaise convinced the natives to allow the homeless travelers to occupy their two largest houses for a night. The floors within were a sea of beds, each with a pair of Testificates upon them. Outside the be-sweater-ed undead patrolled to keep their wild brothers away while their charges slept.  
Herobrine stared into the darkness, unable to sleep. He kept still as a stone to avoid disturbing his lover’s peaceful slumber. His normally dead-white eyes were rimmed with a sickly red glow from too many sleepless nights. Their bed was entirely surrounded by sleeping villagers. Their people had insisted that the safest bed go to their priest and god even though they needed it the least of all. In the opposite house, Alex had been afforded a similar honor, and snored peacefully under a pile of purring cats.  
Herobrine carefully moved Steve as not to wake him and teleported himself onto the outside doorstep. Navy jumped when the griefer appeared beside them, but instantly relaxed in their master’s presence. Navy gave a polite bow, and resumed watching their surroundings for trouble.  
Tiddles, however, had a different reaction. The zombie flashed a rude gesture at the god as he walked back from the well with a bucket of water for his witch’s brewing stand.  
The sky was full of glittering stars and the moonlight fell like a cloak over his grateful shoulders. Without needing the shadow of his helm, he let his eyes open wide in the gloom. He listened to the groan and shuffle of distant monsters, and heard the soft *bamf* of an enderman teleporting.  
It was lovely, but did little to ease his troubled mind. Navy watched placidly as the griefer hunted through his inventory for some inspiration. He pulled out two of the black wood trunks and laid them side by side so they merged into one. He opened the lid with a squeak and climbed inside. The lid clapped down and he curled up in the coffin-sized space. Navy opened the lid and looked down at him from above.  
“I’ll be okay, just show Steve where I am when he gets up so he doesn’t worry.” The skeleton nodded and closed the lid back down. Herobrine sighed and closed his eyes in the warm darkness. The absence of smells and sounds calmed him, and he soon managed to fall into a fitful sleep.

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine let out an angry growl when the light hit his eyes. It fell through the open lid of the trunk and he clapped his helm on quickly to cut the glare. Steve looked down on him with a worried expression. “I know you probably don’t want to come out of there, but we’re so close now. Don’t you want to get started on a new house?”  
He sighed. “Yes, I do.” The griefer forced his cramped muscles to move and lifted himself painfully out of the trunk.  
Steve’s thought was unspoken, but he still heard it.  
‘You look terrible.’  
‘I know, I know. I can’t take the constant pressure of this many souls around me all the time. It’s sucking the life from me.”  
“You just have to put up with it for a little while longer. Please hold on, for me.”  
“I will. For you.”


	71. Welcome Home

Steve’s heart sank as they approached the shore of the wide river. It was just deep enough to provide a natural barrier to their horses; and the swift-flowing current could be dangerous for the villagers who were lighter of build.  
Alex swore softly, knowing that anyone who carried a cat for her would be scratched as the water splashed over them. Even their skeleton mob glanced uneasily around, not wanting to wet their sweaters but unable to remove them without the risk of burning in full daylight.  
Herobrine hung his head, he’d gone far past the point of exhaustion, but one more miracle was required. He slid down from his horse and walked to the edge of the water, flanked by both Alex and Steve.  
“I’m going to make us a path,” he shouted. “But it won’t last, so make yourselves ready to run across!” He gestured to Alex, “Please hold out your map for me.”  
Puzzled, she brandished the innocuous piece of paper that spelt instant frostbite for the Lord of Tears. With a grimace Herobrine held out his left hand and brushed his fingertips against the burning cold of the thing he was forbidden to touch. His hand went instantly blue and he jerked it away, plunging it into the water of the river. The unholy cold spread out and away, freezing the swift stream from one bank to the other in a path eight blocks wide.  
The griefer hid his burning hand as the crowd cheered and Alex rose to rush them all across. Steve stayed beside him; he could see the agony in his lover’s eyes as he cradled the wounded limb against his chest. Once they were safe on the other side, the miner embraced the injured god, pressing his hurt hand between their warm bellies to thaw his poor frozen flesh.  
“I’ve never been more proud of you.” Steve whispered.  
The griefer’s reply was barely a whimper in his mind. ‘I can’t hold out much longer. My hearts are low even when I’m fed. I feel like I’m dying inside.’  
‘You need your warmth, your darkness and solitude. I can feel it. Just hold on a tiny bit longer so I can make a hole for the villagers to hide in. Then I’ll dig to the bedrock if I have too to find you some lava. I’ll carry you if that’s what it takes.”  
Steve helped the griefer’s faltering steps up the low hill. The tops of jungle trees were already visible on one side of the rise, and the Testificate’s were gathered on the rim, chattering excitedly. Godot ran back down to them. “Father Steve, Herobrine! It’s a sign, come see!”  
“I can’t do it.” Herobrine lamented, slumping. “I cannot take another step.”  
Steve motioned frantically for Violet and Cyan to help him mostly carry the exhausted god up the hillside. When they got to the top Herobrine let out a choking sob and began to cry in earnest. Steve was moving faster now, as he and the skeletons bore the weeping deity down into the valley.  
The ridge was like a crescent moon with a jungle on the top and a swamp in the foothills. There were long rolling plains in the half-valley and on the low side of the plains was a patch of naked stone with a seething pool of lava in the middle. Herobrine wiggled free, stumping along as fast as he was able. He cast aside his helm and cloak, causing the touchies to rise up in a buzzing cloud behind him.  
Steve and his brothers let him go ahead and gathered up his things as he dashed haltingly over the bare rock. Herobrine’s shout was pure joy as he flung himself headlong into the seething caldera. He let his body sink like a stone beneath the boiling surface. The griefer beamed as the deadly slurry filled the bleeding cracks in his soul. He settled to the bottom, staring up at the mad swirls of orange, yellow and red above.  
The miner kept everyone well back and it proved a wise choice as Herobrine burst like a geyser from the lava pool. His laugh was loud and crazy and some of the villagers shrunk in alarm. He raised his palms to the sky and brought them down with a ringing slap onto the stone around the pool. The ripple of the impact traveled outwards, making the ground buck and roll like an ocean wave. As the ripple reached the largest flat space, the ground heaved upwards into a perfect pyramid of dirt blocks; still green with grass tufts.  
Herobrine’s voice rang out like thunder. “It’s hollow within! Dig inside and lay beds, my people! Tomorrow we BUILD.”  
The crowd erupted into wild cheering and rushed to do his bidding. Herobrine allowed himself to slump down into the pool. The sun was already on the horizon and everyone else was entirely focused on getting inside as quickly as possible.  
Everyone, that is, except Steve. The miner sat down close to the edge of the pool and set a single torch directly behind him to eliminate his shadow. He looked at his lover who was soaking up the heat of the liquid stone with a blissful look on his face.  
The miner blew him a kiss. “You were magnificent my Lord of Tears. They’ll never worship anyone else again. Enjoy their love Herobrine, you’ve earned every morsel.”  
The griefer sighed, and then rose up startled. “What the Nether are they doing?! I told them to go to bed!”  
Steve couldn’t contain his laughter and Herobrine shot him an annoyed look. “It’s not funny! It’s dangerous out at night!” He insisted. "There's spiders and zombies and ME BEING REALLY ANGRY BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT IN BED."  
The miner only laughed harder at the irony of it all. One of the Testificates, [he was guessing it was Tungsten by their sheer size], had climbed the outside of the pyramid and was now removing the dirt from the very top of it. There was a glimmer and a distinctive clunk as the dirt blocks were replaced with gold. The snick of a flint carried on the night air as the blacksmith lit the cap of the rebuilt summoner.  
The god felt the weird, nagging pull of the monument and slapped his forehead in aggravation.  
“You don’t have to go over there now, do you?”  
“No. But it is annoying. It’s like someone occasionally calling your name.”  
Roulade stumbled into view over the broken ground. Tang helped him along and kept him from falling headlong into a small hole. “Sorry sirs, the others felt it would be unlucky to not assemble it right away; especially after you made such a perfect pedestal for it. I’ll snuff it out if it’s irritating you.”  
“No… let them have their fun for tonight. I want them all to get a good night’s rest. There’s going to be a ton of work to do soon enough.”  
Roulade visibly relaxed. “I’ll snuff it at dawn and we’ll only light it on special occasions. If… that’s okay with you?”  
“That’s fine.”  
The Testificate hesitated, “Is there anything I can get for either of you?”  
Herobrine just smiled unnaturally wide, letting the lava-light play over multiple rows of teeth. Steve shook his head at the griefer showing his evil side so blatantly.  
"Yes." Herobrine hissed. "Tomorrow I want you to choose a calm, responsible couple that you trust. Have them cut a single block of wood and bring it to me. Also take the person who is least suited to help build houses and send them to pick flowers, try to get as many different types as possible and bring them to me. Three to five of any given specimen would be ideal. Make sure the strongest amongst you help the weakest; I don't want anyone to be without a structure of some kind by tomorrow night. And pick out the stone for the houses from the floor inside the pyramid so we aren't tearing up the landscape."  
The Testificate looked a bit overwhelmed, he mumbled the instructions back to himself so he wouldn't forget. “Anything else?” Roulade asked humbly.  
Steve shrugged, and Herobrine tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Do you have any raw meat? I’ll make it up to you in the morning.”  
The villager looked a bit surprised. “I have a pair of lamb chops if you want them.”  
The god nodded, “Please.”  
Roulade passed him the bloody hunks of meat and stood waiting to be dismissed. "May I go now?" He squeaked.  
Steve gave him a reassuring look. “Yes Roulade, thank you for thinking of us. Go sleep with your lover and I’ll do the same with mine in good time. Tang, please protect him and guard the pyramid door.”  
The skeleton nodded and escorted the grateful Testificate away.  
There was a long silent moment and Herobrine asked; “is he gone?”  
“Yes.”  
The god took a chop in each hand and held them over the lava until they were both crisp and brown. He passed one to Steve and bit into the other, slurping hot juices from his chin with his overlong tongue.  
“Still working on that evil reputation, are we?”  
“Bah. It’s always good to keep people who outnumber you from losing their sense of awe and trepidation. Besides it’s no lie. I love a bit of raw meat. I’d just much rather have raw fish or beef, then mutton or pork.” The griefer licked his fingers and clambered out of the lava pool. The slimy stone clung and dribbled like wet mud from his form, pooling on the ground and squishing between his fingers. His legs were red and glowing from his thighs downwards.  
Steve winced, “that looks painful.”  
“Oh it doesn’t hurt, but I can’t stay in the bath forever. I can still overheat, it makes me feel dizzy and faint if I sit too long.”  
“Why does the lava cling to you without cooling when it crusted into a stone shell on me?”  
“Because the magma cream creates a cold layer. It’s like the ghast skin making a barrier between you and my infernal innards. I’m close to the temperature of the lava at my core, so it stays melty when it’s on me. I’d shake myself like a hound but I don’t want to speckle my long-suffering priest with bits of burning hot stone.”  
Steve laughed, “thank you for not doing that. You’re so cute when you’re being considerate.”


	72. The High Priest's Throne

Herobrine reached into the pool and scooped out a double handful of lava. He lay back on the ground and held the molten glob against his chest, patting it into a rough shape like a mud-pie as it cooled. He offered the warm shape to his mate and Steve held it up to the lava-light. The miner chuckled warmly. His god had carefully shaped the gooey stone into a heart and helped it cool into a night-black piece of obsidian shot with lovely purple veins.   
The griefer gave his mate a tired smile. “I wasn’t made to keep track of time, I wonder how many times our anniversary has come and gone already? Or if it has even once? I guess it doesn’t matter. I love you more with every day that passes. My beloved lamb, heart of my hearts, my… Steve.”   
The air went out of Herobrine in a breathy whoosh as Steve pounced on him. The human cuddled up against him, nuzzling him and kissing him. The god rolled over to embrace the enthusiastic adventurer who told of his own love while pressing himself against the object of his affections. A wicked idea occurred to Steve.   
“You remember what happened the last time that fire was lit…”  
Herobrine swallowed hard. “I made a terrible first impression on you and almost ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me?”   
Steve frowned, “I was going to say it was the first time you and I had sex. I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad.”  
“Oh.”   
Steve persevered. “I was going to suggest a moonlight ride…?”  
The griefer’s eyes narrowed, “are you just trying to slay me Steven?”   
“I would never! You don’t have to do anything except make an appropriate seat for your priest. I’ll handle the rest.”  
“You always know how to sway me with blasphemy. It warms my evil little hearts so.”  
“Well if your hearts are evil then so are mine…” Steve set to unbuttoning the gods armored pants, and shimmying them partway down his hips. He grasped the griefer’s rod in gentle hands and painted it with slow strokes of his tongue. Herobrine shivered under him, resisting the urge to buck against his double’s mouth. Little by little he filled it with blood and raised his standard high.   
He watched with hungry eyes as the human hovered over him, making soft noises as he opened his delicate innards with a trio of slimy fingers. His lips were pursed and his cheeks flushed pink as he positioned the captured cock against his wanting hole.   
Herobrine drunk in the sight of his lover, painted in tones of fire and moonlight as he fitted them together.   
Steve shuddered as he slipped backwards and down, impaling himself painfully on the swollen cock of his loving god. He pushed Herobrine’s shirt up and rested warm palms on the ridges of his angular ribs. The miner was panting, his face red as his hole was stretched wide around his lover.   
“Still my innocent virgin after all these years?” Herobrine raised himself high, forcing Steve to put all his weight on the griefer’s hips as he was lifted. Gravity dragged him down with a tortured groan and he felt his lovers cubes nestle snugly into the crack of his ass. His sweet cries of pleasure and pain were like music to Herobrine and he prepared the seed that he would soon inject into his hapless lover.   
“Just enough…” Steve wheezed as he rocked desperately on the cock that pierced him so sweetly. “Just enough to fill my hole… please.”  
Herobrine nodded his understanding, clenching key muscles as if he were gathering a wad of spit to expectorate. The miner pistoned himself on the dick that spread his cheeks, drinking the pain and pleasure of Herobrine inside his body as well as his mind. He twisted his hips as he thrust down, letting the angles slide against one another, wringing his own guts against the edges as the square peg was corkscrewed into his hole.   
The griefer was ready and bounced the human wildly on his lap, slapping their hips together with red flashes and exclamations. Steve yanked at himself as he rode and bucked wildly as he came all over his god. He squeezed with his rear and fairly screamed as Herobrine gleefully pumped him full of hot cum. The miner swayed dizzily, and Herobrine held him steady.   
“I need to… uggh.” Steve moaned, rocking back and forth on his lovers softening cock. Herobrine watched with growing confusion as Steve scrolled through his items, his eyes widening as the miner selected a familiar object.   
Steve pulled himself off Herobrine’s cock and groped at his rear while brandishing the dull iron plug. He bit his lip as he forced the toy into his ass, corking the mess of semen that threatened to explode from it. Steve crawled on the ground as Herobrine stared at him in total shock.   
“Hold me down,” Steve managed to say, “take my scruff. Claim me.” The human clawed at the earth as his body tried to reject the slime inside him. Herobrine did as he was bid, straddling the squirming human with treble his normal weight and sharp teeth just pricking the delicate skin of his neck. He watched in wonderment as Steve shook with misfiring nerves, coming as he rubbed in desperation against the ground and struggled in vain to escape. He wept as the pressure in his guts made him come a third and a fourth time, it was becoming painful and he begged to be freed, sending his safe word winging like a dove into his lovers mind.   
Herobrine grasped the iron plug and twisted it free. It released with a pop and Steve cried happy tears as the cum flowed out of his abused hole and wicked away into the grass. The griefer petted his matted hair and sweat-slicked skin.   
“That was the most gloriously debauched thing I’ve witnessed in a long time my lamb.”  
“Happy… anniversary…?” Steve gasped with a smile.   
The griefer's laugh was deep and genuine. It bubbled up from his hearts and spilled like a waterfall from his lips. “You’ll never have to buy me a present Steve, just put a bow on yourself, because you’re all I’ll ever want or need.” “Hold me?” Steve asked. Herobrine wrapped his arms around his trembling mate. “I will, forever and ever.”  
The two curled together on the cold stone and grass, half-naked and disheveled, staring dreamily into their doubles eyes. After a while Steve spoke softly, “it’s getting light out. I should probably put my pants back on.”  
Herobrine petted him gently, “I’m sorry I made such a mess of you. I wish I could just drag you into my pool and clean you without hurting you. Do you still have that bucket of water? I could warm it at least.”   
“No, I didn’t have space; I have quite a few empty ones though.”  
“Blast. Well I guess we’ll do this the hard way.” Herobrine got up and dusted himself, pulling his own pants back on. “I can’t have our people see you like this,” He said archly. “They’ll think I’m abusing you.” The griefer pulled out his voluminous cloak and rolled Steve up in it like a child. The miner protested weakly.  
“Hush, let me do this for you.” Herobrine stooped and picked up his swaddled lover in his arms. The wind swirled around them suddenly as he teleported. Dirt and then the slope of the pyramid appeared and vanished underfoot. He landed with a thump in the soggy ground of the swamp. The griefer walked out onto a little spit of clean sand and let his lover down.   
Steve splashed his face with cold water and walked slowly down into the chilly shallows. Grimacing as his temperature dropped to match the water.   
“Let’s take some water while we’re here.” Herobrine said mildly. “I want to rebuild our tub as soon as possible.”  
“Agreed,” Steve shivered as he climbed out of the pond. His clothes had been filthy and it was either get in dressed or be fully naked and even colder. “Roughing it stinks,” the human grumbled.   
“Once again my lamb, I have exactly what you need." The god opened his arms and clasped Steve warmly against him, swirling his cloak around them both. He let his glitch tick up softly, steaming every drop of moisture from his lover’s clothes in a warm, enveloping cloud.   
Steve sighed. “You are so perfect.”   
“Now those are some words I never thought I’d hear from anyone.”


	73. Toucha-Toucha-Touchies

The two were heading back up the beaten path with pails of water when Hollandaise hailed them. He and a group of Testificates were engaged in planting saplings, using bone meal to grow them quickly, and then cutting them down. Herobrine shifted a small stack of lily pads under his other arm. “What’s up chicken-duck?”  
The elderly Testificate stopped cold and stood for a moment, “Um, bok bok? Herobrine?”  
The griefer snickered, “good answer. Did you need something?”  
“Yes Herobrine, Father Steve. Roulade chose a couple as you requested, they’re waiting by your sacred pool. May we borrow the touchies for our planting sir?”  
“I wouldn’t call it sacred-”  
‘What we did near it last night was definitely blasphemous’ Steve snickered in the back of Herobrine’s head.  
‘-Oh hush.’ He continued aloud. “I’ll release them as soon as I’m done with your ‘chosen ones’.”  
Hollandaise swallowed thickly. “Is there anything else?”  
“Nope,” Herobrine said cheerfully. “Just work on your houses. We can always use the pyramid if people aren’t done in time, but I’d prefer everyone have their own place by tonight.”  
Farther up the path they found Alex with a house already half built. Her mob of cats watched from the yard and all of their horses were tethered to posts. Steve shouted up to her as she perched high on a wall.  
“Looks good Alex! Thanks for watching our horses.”  
She put her hands on her hips and grinned. “I heard some commotion up on the hill and figured it was one less thing you needed to be worried about. Are you going to do some building today, or just love all night again?”  
Herobrine twisted his lip in mock annoyance. “It wouldn’t be home without properly consecrating the ground first.”  
Alex clucked her tongue, “poor Steve. What has he done to you now?”  
The miner tossed his head and flounced up the road with a skip in his step. “Nothing I didn’t want to do,” he said over his shoulder.  
Herobrine just laughed, and chased after him.  
The two reached the base of the low hill at the same time and slowed to a more dignified pace for their visitors. The two villagers were sitting close together with their hands clasped. Both were slight of build with intense eyes. One was clad in beige and the other a pale yellow. They got up and bowed as the lovers approached.  
The one in yellow spoke first, “Roulade sent us, I am Squrl and this is my life mate Mousse. We brought the wood as you asked.”  
The griefer gestured and Mousse offered him a dark block of wood. He looked puzzled for a moment. “Jungle wood?”  
The Testificates both broke out in a small sweat, “was that wrong Herobrine? Roulade didn’t say to use a specific type of tree.”  
“No… it’s fine. It’ll satisfy my curiosity on an issue I’d been putting off.” He replied mysteriously. The god walked out into the grass and laid down the touchie block from his inventory. The bugs swirled up and settled all over his cloak. He turned around quickly and the bugs lifted up only to settle right back down on him.  
Annoyed, he addressed the insects directly. “How about not being right on me? I love you, but I’m not a horse.” He gestured grandly. “This is home now. Get comfy and spread out. There are plenty of plants to touch down the hill. Take at least half the swarm and go.”  
The bugs gave no reply, but swirled around his helm like a halo before scattering out and down the path. Herobrine rubbed his hands in anticipation. “Now let me have that wood.”  
Mousse passed him the block and they all watched spellbound as the god battered it to boards with his fists and constructed a second touchie block from the bits. He set it up and some of the bugs zipped inside. Quickly he broke the block back down and passed it to Squrl.  
“Now, take this down to the village. Build your house near the main garden and set this up close to the outside walls. It’ll be your job to keep the block safe and harvest the syrup occasionally.”  
Both villagers smiled widely, bursting with pride.  
“Just speak gently to them and try not to move too quickly when you open the hive or clean the combs. Never empty all three combs, they have to eat too. And let me know as soon as the combs are full the first time so I can help you and see what they make of this different wood.” He hesitated, “do you two have other professions that will make this a hardship for you?”  
“No Herobrine,” Mousse replied. “I’m a writer, and Squrl draws portraits. We don’t get out much.”  
“Excellent, any questions?”  
“No.” Squrl said, squeezing his partners hand as he grinned. “Thank you for trusting us. Can we do anything for you Herobrine, Father Steve?”  
“Nope.” The griefer puffed out his chest. “Dismissed!” The villagers rushed off and the god stood there watching them go.  
Steve curled himself around his double and kissed him. “I’m so, so proud of you.” He murmured. “I know you don’t want to be responsible for people, but they couldn’t wish for a better king.”  
“Bah. Being good is weird. I just can’t stomach you being disappointed in my behavior.”  
Steve looked at the griefer’s lopsided grin, his forked tongue flicking briefly on his pale lips. “Pffft.” The miner snorted. “You’re a terrible liar.”

* * * * * * * * * *

The rest of the day passed in a swirl of frantic activity. The valley was full of the sound of laying blocks and chopping trees. Steve joined the Testificates under the pyramid and tore up a huge section of stone floor. He raced back to the hill where Herobrine was just dumping a load of sand into a new furnace. Karen lay nearby, curled on a wool block, snoring softly.  
They laid walls around the pit, and by sundown; the first room was complete. Herobrine snapped the door into place and turned back to his lover. Steve had broken out part of the floor and made a fresh tub beside the lava pit. They’d decided to forgo windows in their innermost chamber again, and the griefer’s horde of glass blocks would be ready by the morning. Steve set up a pair of armor stands and shed his gear, as the griefer mirrored him perfectly. Herobrine clung to Steve like a shadow as he disrobed, doing it slowly as to tease his predatory double. He shimmied out of his pants and Herobrine had to close his mouth to keep from drooling.  
The golden thong clung to every angular edge of Steve’s hips and rear. It hugged his cubes and left every inch of his manhood outlined in a glittering sheen. The god was undone; he whispered his need like a prayer. “Let me love you.”  
Steve crawled up on the freshly made bed and beckoned seductively. He posed himself on hands and knees, arching gracefully like an ocelot.  
Herobrine panted lightly. “You have such power Steven; you make a beast of me. I want you like a desert wants the rain.” He slipped up beside his lover, touching him gently, flicking his tongue against the human’s ears as he whispered. “I want to mate with you, rub my scent on you, fill you with myself, and howl from the rooftops that the greatest monster this world has ever known; is happy. That after a thousand years of pain; I finally know love.”  
Steve sat up, taking the griefers hands; he ran his thumbs over his gods fingers, caressing his thick wrists. He felt Herobrine flinch as the human touched the wicked scar around his right wrist. The miner gave him a sorrowful look. “It doesn’t hurt, does it?”  
“No, it, it just feels different then the rest of my skin. It’s not a big deal.”  
“You’re not angry with me, are you?”  
“No! Why would I be? It was a mistake and I’ve made far worse myself.” He swallowed thickly. “If you… had asked to mark me as your own… I would have gladly let you.” He gestured at his chest-plate on the stand. “I seem to have trouble taking proper care of more decorative adornments.”  
Steve watched his face for a long moment, judging his sincerity. He lifted the griefer’s marked hand to his lips and kissed his scar. Herobrine shivered. “It’s sensitive.” He murmured. The miner took this as a sign and licked the flushed scar, letting his tongue feel over the dents where his reptilian teeth had sunken deep into the vulnerable flesh. The griefer twitched, but made no move to stop him. Steve caressed the skin with his mouth, kissing and bathing it gently. He uncurled the god’s fingers and licked his hand like a puppy. Herobrine’s eyes went wide, their light sufficing them both in the soft glow. Encouraged, Steve put the griefer’s fingers in his mouth and sucked on them, mouthing over each one lovingly. He hunkered low, as if to grovel before his god, but still holding his double’s fingers betwixt his lips. He suckled softly, his eyes closed as he just enjoyed the sensation of having a part of his lover in his mouth.  
“Would you like something a little larger to suck on, my lamb?” Steve nodded gently. Herobrine sat up and scooted closer, offering his pendulous cock to his kowtowing priest. The human slid warm hands up his thighs and he arched upward, drinking in the sweetness of just being handled so gently. The miner lifted his manhood and laid kisses on his cubes. The god gave the tiniest moan as the kneeling human worshiped his testicles, kneading and licking them. His cock twitched like a wagging tail, it was swollen and near purple with blood. When he felt it slide into the humans warm lips, he could do nothing but say the name over and over; calling for Steve as if he’d forgotten any other words existed. He hunched over his dutiful priest, kissing the rough miner’s fluffy brown hair and running his hands over the angles of his head; smoothing and petting him like an animal. He felt the tip of the human’s tongue invade the tiny hole at the end of his rod and pressed himself forward into the pressure. Desperate for more friction, he pleaded silently with his lover. Steve had him as surely as if he’d collared the god and yanked his leash. The words slipped out before he could stop himself. “Please let me cum.”  
The words were clear in his mind, ‘anything, for my God.’  
The human suddenly pulled away and Herobrine fairly clawed at him as he did so. “Easy! I’m just going to get into a better position.” Steve lay down behind the kneeling griefer and scooted his head up between Herobrine’s knees. He opened his mouth and the god sighed in relief as he dipped his wick inside. The god rocked himself over Steve, screwing his waiting mouth with rapid thrusts of his hips. He was mesmerized by his lover’s diamond blue eyes. Steve’s expression was blissful as the long cock slipped deep down his waiting gullet, and he gripped his lover’s warm thighs as they gyrated above him. Herobrine was panting like a racehorse and gave a deep sigh of relief as he released into his doting double’s waiting lips. Steve gulped down the heavy load and let the god loose to flop on the bed. Herobrine lay on his side, his eyelids fluttering. He felt dizzy and panted lightly as his vision swam. Steve’s face came into view; the look on his face was mischievous. “I think… I’m not done playing with you yet.” He disappeared again and the god laid there puzzled as to what he meant.  
The griefer’s eye snapped wide as his cheeks were parted and a wet tongue pressed against his tiny square hole. He quivered as the moist appendage was jammed and swirled against his opening. Steve’s fingers dug deeply into his thighs and he allowed himself to be held down as his rear was basted with spittle. He felt himself spread as Steve worked him open; wiggling in as deep as he was able while the griefer desperately rutted against him for more.  
‘Oh, is that what you want?’ The voice asked smoothly in his mind. ‘Are my animal instincts what you crave Herobrine?’  
“Please… I need it…” he muttered. Then he groaned lowly as the miner somehow managed to work his tongue even deeper inside. Something was wrong, but the griefer was too far gone to acknowledge it. The miner’s fingers were pricking his skin and making him bleed, as if the human had filed his nails. But his body wanted whatever his lover could offer him, and he’d accept some pain without questions as the price of the pleasure.  
The fingers dug deeper and Herobrine was losing his ability to ignore it. Blood was sliding down his legs and the ten points digging into his flesh hurt more then the tongue in his rear felt good. He wiggled in discomfort. “Please stop cutting into me Steven, it hurts.”  
‘But I thought you liked pain, Herobrine?’  
The voice made his blood turn to ice; it reverberated inside his head and trailed away into a growl. The god turned quickly to look his lover in the eye. The face that glared balefully back was reptilian.  
It was the face of a raptor, and as he stared in horror, the beast extracted its long tongue roughly from his ass. He winced in pain, his mouth agape. The animal hissed at him.  
“Steve…?”


	74. What Dreams May Come

The dinosaur showed him a hideous grin of razor-sharp teeth. The strike was quicker then lighting as the raptor bit down into Herobrine’s thigh, tearing loose a chunk of meat and swallowing it as he screamed in agony and terror.   
The god groped at his injury, but the hole was too large to staunch the blood that soaked the bed as he desperately tried to crawl away. The raptor rose, standing over the naked griefer. It kicked him almost casually, tearing a wide slash across his arm as he feebly tried to defend himself.   
Herobrine was sure he’d gone crazy; he dragged his broken body into the corner, making himself as small a target as possible. He was terribly frightened and confused. But if it really was Steve attacking him, then he was resigned to die.   
The raptor kicked him again, tearing a hole in his back. Herobrine screamed for all he was worth as three of his tiny hearts were ripped from between his ribs. Teeth locked around his throat from the back and boiling tears streamed down his face as the jaws severed his spine.   
Herobrine opened his eyes, shrieking in pain and panic. Strong hands gripped him and he thrashed instinctively. He coughed, his system preparing his defense of last resort.   
“LET GO OF ME!” The god screamed in desperation.   
Distantly, he heard someone swearing and the hands released him only to grab on again from behind. Herobrine couldn’t see anything and he was being held in place, his hearts slammed against his chest. With a sickening heave, he vomited. The bad code splattered on the floor; changing its color and texture.   
“Help me! Just push him in!” someone yelled.   
Herobrine couldn’t see the lava, but he could feel its heat as he was manhandled towards it. The hands released him with a hard shove, and the naked griefer toppled into the fiery pit. He closed his mouth and curled into a ball, floating just under the surface of the molten stone. The god felt his eyes come back into focus, as if the glitch that covered them had somehow been snuffed out.   
He held his breath as long as he could manage, letting the warm slime incubate him like a chick in an egg. The lava worked its way into his grooves and filled his hearts with life. He sensed there was still something missing, but it was a small concern.   
Finally his lungs could take no more, they burned and ached. So he raised his head cautiously above the surface.   
At the edge of the pool, Steve was kneeling. His eyes were wide and his cheeks were streaked with tears. At his sides Navy, Gold and Violet rested their hands on their master; supporting him as he cried.   
He gasped when he saw Herobrine rise up, but couldn’t come closer to touch or embrace him as he desperately wanted too.   
The god had no words yet, he was still very confused and feeling the phantom pain of his apparent injuries. But he saw what he was missing. He swam to the edge and crawled up onto the stone floor. The bad code lay in staticky crackling puddles, and the stone under it had turned black and purple with teary streaks of blue. The globs rolled along the floor like quicksilver until they reached Herobrine’s outstretched hand; where they melted back into his form through the bases of his fingers.   
He took a shuddering breath. “What… happened?”  
Steve grabbed him so hard he cheeped in pain. The miner’s words were punctuated with great gasping sobs. “You came and you passed out. You looked so peaceful I let you sleep. But I couldn’t get to sleep myself, so I went out to look for slimes. Navy, Violet and Gold stayed here and stood guard over you. But Violet came to find me because you were thrashing all over the bed and they were afraid you’d hurt yourself. Herobrine… your eyes were so dim I could see your pupils. And then you threw up that… stuff. I was so afraid you were dying…” He choked on the words. “It took all four of us to push you in the pool.”   
“That was good thinking my lamb. I thought I was dying. I had a nightmare that was so real…” He coughed, his throat still aching from the electrical slime. “And you saved me; again.” Herobrine caressed Steve’s cheek as he spoke; “My handsome, dashing hero.”  
Steve laid his hands on his lover, “you laugh, but this is serious. We can’t do this Herobrine.”  
The griefer's face turned white.  
“You’re going to hurt yourself, or me, or our friends.”  
The god shook to his core. “Steven, what are you saying…?”  
Steve fixed him with a diamond stare. “You’re not sleeping alone anymore. You can sleep with me, or on me, or in me. You can possess me if you have too. But we have to do something about your nightmares. You run yourself ragged trying not to sleep and then suffer when you do.”  
Herobrine relaxed a little, but his lips were a hard, thin line. He didn’t want to discuss his apparent weakness with anyone else. But he didn’t want to risk becoming a danger to himself or his lover either. “I’ll… I’ll ask Alex” he said grudgingly.   
The human hugged him warmly. “Good, I’ll ask the Testificates. We’ll get through this my love. I can’t bear to see you suffer like this.”   
“Even if you end up suffering with me?”  
“Even if.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

Steve knocked on the door of the small cottage; there was no answer so he walked around the side of the house instead. Hollandaise and Roulade were sitting together on a bench, talking softly. The miner smiled at how happy they seemed, he was considering turning around and coming back later when they noticed him and leaped to their feet.   
“Father Steve! We didn’t hear you. Can we help you?”  
Steve sauntered over, deftly avoiding the fresh seedlings that dotted the yard. “I need some advice.” He said sheepishly.  
The villagers goggled at him. “On Testificates,” he amended. “Please don’t stand for me, it just makes what I’m about to divulge more awkward.”  
“Oh. Okay.” The pair settled back down and Steve dropped a block of wood so he could sit across from them.   
“What do your people know about treating nightmares? Or defending someone from a magickal attack while they’re sleeping?”  
Hollandaise looked stricken and he glanced nervously at his mate. “Father… Does Herobrine not defend your dreams?”   
“I’m not the one that needs defending.” Steve said quietly.   
The Testificates looked genuinely afraid now. “Herobrine… has nightmares?” Roulade whispered. “This is a grave thing if it is true. If you think he is attacked, then no one is more qualified to help him then you are. You mind-speak to him, he is your life-mate, do you not dream-walk with him?”  
Steve sat stunned, “I don’t know how to do that. I assumed the only reason I can talk back to him mentally is because he donated his hearts to make me. I’m part of him in a small way.”  
“But that was hundreds of years ago!” Hollandaise said earnestly. “You are your own creature no matter what you were made from.” He turned and took his own mate’s hand.  
Roulade continued. “It is true, Father Steve; life-mates give themselves to each other and connect so that the dialogue that is a relationship can truly begin. You came to this point by a shortcut and missed a crucial component. There must be an exchange between you two. Have you never given each other gifts?”   
Steve turned his hand so the sun glittered on the brilliant diamond chip that was still fused to his finger. “I’ve given him things and he’s given me quite a lot. We’ve pledged ourselves to one another many times.”  
Roulade shook a finger at him, “ah, but were they the same things? It must be an exchange of equal gifts.” He gestured to Hollandaise and the two opened the tops of their robes. Both mals wore the same type of pendant; a shimmering emerald, greener then the grass under their feet.  
Roulade spread his hands dramatically; “It is tradition to take a single item and have a third person make it into two equal things which the couples exchange and keep. Thus both are gifts and both are equal. But you could exchange two pebbles if they were nearly the same. Using a precious element just makes it more special. The act of the offering and the reciprocation is the important part.”   
Steve thought about the matching golden torques that Escar and Godot had donned after they were wed. “How does one initiate this dream-walk once the exchange is done?”  
Hollandaise waved a hand airily. “That’s easy, Father, just go to bed at the same time, and make sure Herobrine is within reach of your hands.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

Alex stared at the dark block Herobrine was holding. “I don’t know anything about dreams Herobrine, but I know that what you’ve got in your hands is so rare I’ve only ever read about it. It’s called weeping obsidian, and I only know of one deposit that was ever found. An outcrop on the surface…” She suddenly stopped speaking. “You said… it appeared underneath the bad code? Do you think the deposit was where… it happened…?”  
“Maybe… it doesn’t matter.” The griefer replied sullenly. “It’s not glitched or dangerous; I just thought you could help me.”   
Alex gave him a compassionate look, “I can help you take you mind off things for a little while. Would you mind if I made something beautiful out of your block?”  
“Okay. I have a couple of these anyway and it’s better then going home empty-handed.”


	75. Two of Cups

Steve climbed the low hill to find his lover waiting for him on the grass. Herobrine had put several wool rugs on the dirt and was laying flat with a half-chest next to him. He waved Steve over and the miner joined him on the ground.   
“I hope you had better luck then me my lamb. Alex was more interested in playing with the glitched stone then talking about my nightmares. She thinks I’m just exhausted and stressed and they’ll go away once I’m settled again.” He gestured to the half-chest. “So I passed the time by packing us some lunch. Are you hungry?”   
Steve’s stomach made a timely growl, and his cheeks turned rosy, “yes please.”   
The griefer grinned and opened the small box with a squeak of hinges. He laid out sweet cheeries, a large slice of blue chase, apples, a cooked chicken torn into several pieces and two fragrant loaves of bread. Steve took a deep breath and savored the scent of their repast. Herobrine drew out a bottle of touchie wine and two of the prettiest goblets the miner had ever seen. They were black, purple, and streaked with blue.   
The god passed him one and he ran his hands over the smooth stone surface. “Alex says the stone my glitch created is an extremely rare element called weeping obsidian. She made one of the blocks into these cups for us.”  
Steve’s hands shook, it was fate and he could feel it. Herobrine went to pour him some sweet wine and he stayed the griefer’s hand. “No, don’t fill the cups yet. I have to tell you something. The Testificates told me how we can dream together. We have to make an exchange of something equal between us, and these vessels are just the icing on the wedding cake.”  
Herobrine stared at the cup, and then back at Steve. “You want me to fill it with my blood?’  
“No my love. I want your tears; tears from the Lord of Sorrow, so that I can drink your pain and destroy it. And I'll give you mine in return.”  
Herobrine gripped the cup tightly. He stared at Steve and thought about his time in the Nether. Dwelling on how empty his soul would be if he were torn from his love and sent back to his lonely prison of pain. The anguish welled up inside him, and he pushed it farther; thinking on his rage when Steve had died, when his lover was snatched from his grasp, the agony of feeling himself slowly crushed within sight of his sleeping lamb. The tears were like a river that burst its banks as the god gave a sorrowful howl. They flowed down the flat plane of his cheeks and dribbled off the edge into the waiting cup, swiftly filling it to the brim.   
Steve saw that it was his turn now. So he focused on his own sorrow, but got no further then the lonely weeks he spent taking care of his comatose double after the griefer had fallen from the sky. The agony of being unable to help his lover had been like a hole that swallowed all his hearts and slowly choked the life from him. He wailed brokenly, making little gasping sobs, spilling tears in little rushes and falls like the pattering of spring rain. He pulled out a flat wool and blew his tiny nostrils explosively. The cup was soon nearly full and the human took great gulping breaths of air as he tried to compose himself.   
“Do we say something special?” Herobrine asked; mopping his eyes with the edge of this cloak.   
Steve thought for a long moment and then offered his goblet to his god. “Herobrine, I offer you my sorrow because only you can turn it into joy. Accept it, and we will be wed.”  
The griefer offered his own chalice in turn, “Steven, I accept your tears, and all else that is you. Please take my own and change my pain into jubilance. With this gift we are wed, now and forever.”   
It was spontaneous, but felt more right then either had ever known. The glasses were passed like torches and they felt a subtle shift; as if the seed was rocking around to a new angle beneath them. They twined their free hands together and drank their salty tears as one. Steve set the goblet down and stared into his double’s glowing visage. He touched the griefer gently and scooted close to him. The words he spoke nearly made Herobrine cry some more.   
“Will my lovely husband pour me some wine and share a toast with me?”   
The griefer’s hands shook lightly as he filled the glass. The words they’d said were small, and not nearly as grand as they should have been for how long the two had been inseparable before that moment. ‘I have a husband.’ He thought to himself. Rolling the words over and over as if he’d couldn’t believe them. They’d made promises, pledges of faith and rituals between them, but there was something different about this one. Steve took the full goblet gently from his hands before he spilt it.   
‘I have a husband…’  
Steve chuckled lightly, replying to his thought. ‘So do I.’   
Herobrine waved his hands helplessly. “I just never thought… I mean, I’m so used to being hated and feared. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was just to have a friend. Let alone, someone who’d promise me… forever. I’m uneasy just because of how happy I am. If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up.”   
The miner poured some wine into his double’s chalice and passed it to him, clasping warm hands around the griefer’s own as he took it. Herobrine took a small swallow, feeling the sweet heat spread throughout his form. He felt calm and loose and accepted a cheerie from his mate’s fingers. The miner settled back with a bit of chicken and chewed thoughtfully. He knew how easily the god could be overwhelmed by his own emotions and graciously gave him some room to process them. Herobrine blinked slowly, he seemed to be a bit more luminous, as if the god himself were glowing softly. Steve watched from the corner of his eye as the griefer adjusted to his surroundings.   
Herobrine cast about as if he were looking for something, letting the gentle breeze blow through his outstretched fingers. When he finally spoke it was with a hint of confusion. “I feel slightly different, heavier almost. It’s like when you first invited me in. I was nearly all ethereal back then and your want gave me more substance.”  
Steve examined him more closely. “You do seem different, but I couldn’t tell you how; just brighter somehow, more real.” He shrugged, “we’ll figure it out I’m sure. I just hope you didn’t lose any of your powers by connecting with me more deeply.”  
Herobrine squinted suspiciously at the air in front of him, as though he were reading something. “…no. Everything seems the same.”  
Steve sat up suddenly, “is that Alex?’  
The archer came pounding up the path with a bit of paper in one hand. She slowed to a jog and then a walk when she saw the couple’s picnic. But it was too late to turn back as they were now staring at her. She huffed up the hill with a metallic rustle of chain-mail and her quartz boots shone like pearls in the afternoon light. She brushed the stray strands of orange hair from her face and knelt in the grass.   
“I’m sorry to intrude, but I thought you should see this immediately.” The woman thrust the paper at Steve and sat back on her heels. Herobrine looked over his double’s shoulder as he took it. “It’s a map, so what?”  
Alex sighed in aggravation. She stood up and turned in a circle. A green teardrop on the paper spun like a compass to match her movements and their eyes were drawn to the marker that was right next to hers on the page. Steve’s blue teardrop was as it had always been, but now sported a faint white outline.   
The woman grumbled in aggravation, “You don’t get it.” Alex stood up and took a hold of Steve. He let himself be dragged to his feet and stared at her in confusion as she quick-marched him a few steps away from the blanket. Herobrine stayed where he was, cocking his head in confusion. “Are you feeling well?” He asked mildly.  
Alex stabbed the paper with a finger, “right there!” The miner looked down and gasped. “Herobrine… can you come here for a moment?”   
The humans stared at the paper in shock as the god approached them. Steve held the page where the griefer could see it and he stopped cold. Herobrine turned and stepped around in a circle going forward and back and turning side to side, never taking his eyes off the map. He put out a shaking hand and Steve held perfectly still as the very tip of the gods finger brushed the surface of the page. He braced for a pain that didn’t come. Elated he tried again and got no reaction, touching the crackling parchment with abandon.   
Steve’s grin was ear to ear as he let the griefer take the map from his hands.   
“It moves when I move,” he said, his tone hushed.   
Alex resisted the urge to cheer, “I don’t know what you guys did, if you did anything. But you’re one the map now. That little white teardrop is you. You’re a real player now.”   
Steve’s face turned as white as Herobrine’s map marker. “Wait, that doesn’t mean you’re human, now does it?”  
The god gave him a sardonic expression. Without a word he passed the map back. The griefer removed a bucket of lava from his inventory and stuck his hand in it without ever breaking eye contact. “No, thankfully, I am not human. I guess I’m just… welcomed now? And you were right my lamb, that was what had changed. All because of my wonderful husband.”   
Alex blinked, “husband? You guys got married and you didn’t invite me? You assholes!”  
Steve was trying not to laugh so Alex wouldn’t slap him, but managed to choke out. “We preformed a small Testificate ritual, just the two of us. It completed the mental connection between us.”  
The woman still looked agitated, but accepted the information quietly. “We could have had a party.” She grumbled, “You know the whole village would want to celebrate their God and their priest getting hitched.”  
“That’s why we’re not going to tell them.” Herobrine said firmly. “They need to focus on houses and crops right now. They’re rebuilding their lives from nothing. The first big harvest we’ll announce it and renew our vows publicly. For now though; we needed the extra connection for other, more personal reasons.” He paused, “Thank you for making the cups, it was kismet and it was exactly the ritual tools we both needed to perform the rite.”   
“Really? Wow, you’re welcome.” She beamed. “I’m glad you like them. It’s such a lovely stone.”  
Herobrine gestured to the rug gracefully. “Would you like to eat with us?”   
Alex suddenly noticed how close the sun was to setting. “No thanks guys, I’m going to go home so I don’t get ambushed. I’m not in the mood for a scuffle.”  
“Oh, okay.” Steve waved enthusiastically and Tang noticed him from their self-appointed post at the end of the yard. The skeleton trotted over and Steve pointed to Alex and then towards the town. The orange sweater-ed skeleton nodded so hard their helmet clunked, and they took up a ready stance at the archer’s side.   
“Thank you.” Steve said sweetly. “I know you’re more then capable of taking care of yourself, but a little extra protection never hurts.”  
“That’s nice of you. Thanks.” She made a small gesture and Tang fell into step as she walked back down the hill. She paused and looked back. The god and the miner were holding hands, both wearing radiant smiles. “Congratulations, both of you. I’m kinda surprised you didn’t do it sooner.” She winked at them and then walked away into the sparse woods.   
Herobrine shook his head in wonderment. “First I’m married and now I’m on the map like a real person; big day for me. Come and have a drink with me dammit. Let’s eat some of this food and go to bed. I’m beat.”


	76. The Heretic

Steve woke up to the warm glow of sun on his face. Confused, he ran his hands through the gently blowing grass all around him. A couple of colorful flitters lifted off from his shirt as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked down, and noticed his armor was missing as well as his shoes.  
“I’m over here.” A voice called out.  
Steve stood up and blinked at the unfamiliar landscape. Spreading out behind him was a vast forest full of flowers. But the view in front of him was very different. A spreading desert with blasted patches of obsidian and lava pits. A dead land, except for one small oasis flanked by trees and planted with crops and lush green grasses.  
Herobrine sat on a sandstone block and kicked his bare feet like a petulant child. “I got here first, but I felt it would be rude to cross into your part before you showed up. Your mind is a lovely place, my lamb.”  
Steve gestured at the oasis. “But you’re trying to improve, that one patch looks lovingly tended. These things take time.”  
“You always know what to say, don’t you? Perhaps we should come together on that center line and see what this meeting of minds will truly result in?”  
“Agreed,” Steve strode confidently towards the boundary and Herobrine rushed to meet him halfway. As they embraced, the ground fell away below them. They let go and found themselves standing on a floating island of grass blocks over a yawning void.  
“What happened?” Steve bleated in confusion.  
“I think… we have to start over.” Herobrine answered. “Maybe what exists between us mentally has to be created from scratch? Look there, it’s a trunk.” And true to his word, beneath the only tree was a small box. The griefer creaked it open. “Two buckets of water, one bucket of lava, bread, seeds… I know what this is and I have a pretty good idea what to do…”  
Steve put a gentle hand on his shoulder, “not tonight my love. We have the rest of our lives to shape this place. For now, you need to rest.” He pulled on Herobrine and the god sank to the ground under the human’s soft handling. Steve sat down with his back to the tree and guided his god into his embrace. The griefer laid down in the grass and put his head on Steve’s leg. The space was too small to spawn anything, so he let his mind drift as he relaxed. The sun was dipping below their tiny horizon and the edge of the sky turned purple and pink as it faded into night.  
“I think it’s a test,” Herobrine murmured. “To see what we can create together or push us apart if we can’t cooperate.” Steve was gently caressing his messy hair and he yawned softly. “My lamb takes such good care of me,” he whispered.  
“Good night Herobrine.”

* * * * * * * * * *  
The griefer blinked slowly as he stirred awake to the sight of Steve’s face mere inches from his own. The lids slid back to reveal his limpid blue irises, and they stared into the glow before him. The miner gave his husband the tiniest of kisses, like a flitters wing brushing his flat cheek.  
“How are you feeling?” He whispered.  
Herobrine smiled, and his expression was so filled with relief it plucked at the human’s heart-strings. “I feel relieved, refreshed, and very, very loved. That was the first truly peaceful night’s sleep I’ve had in months. We should have done this years ago.”  
Steve grinned mischievously. “Should have made an honest man of me before bedding me huh?” He winked, “mother warned me about guys like you.”  
The god blinked in confusion and then his eyes narrowed suspiciously, “shame on you for teasing your dutiful spouse. You know what happens to bad lambs like you? They get… tickled!”  
Steve yelped in surprise as the god’s fingers found his ribs and twiddled against them. The miner twitched and yelped, laughing wildly. “Enough! Enough! Stop! Bedrock dammit! I’m gonna pee!”  
Herobrine backed off and let the human catch his breath. But the griefer's smile was that of a cat with a mouthful of canary.  
Steve wrinkled the slits of his nostrils, “bad old wolf.”  
“Hey, don’t call me old, you fresh spawn!”  
“Uh! Beta version!”  
“Noob!”  
“Chunk error!”  
The griefer rocked back, clasping a dramatic hand to his breast. “Perhaps I need to teach my feisty priest a lesson about teasing gods.”  
Steve leaned back as Herobrine stalked him until he was laying prone with his mate on all fours above him. Steve danced his fingers up Herobrine’s arms, squeezing his angular muscles appreciatively. He pretended to swoon, “You’re so strong; whatever shall I do? I’m at your tender mercies!”  
Herobrine let lose with a deep laugh. “How did my lamb turn into such a ham?”  
There was a knock on the door and Herobrine spit a chain of numbers in annoyance. “I swear it’s like having children, I thought your brothers were guarding the door?”  
“Same here…” Agitated, Steve slid out from under his naked mate. He cheeped in alarm as Herobrine’s unnatural tongue swept a cold stripe across his exposed rear.  
The god innocently rolled over like a dog, contentedly scratching himself as Steve equipped his own clothing. Steve threw a blanket over his shamelessly naked lover and went to answer the door. Herobrine snuggled down into the covers and aggressively pretended to be sleeping.  
Roulade was standing outside, looking nervous. “Sirs I’m sorry to bother you so early, but the skeletons intercepted a small party of intruders and one of them is looking for you two specifically.”  
“Who are they?” Steve inquired.  
Roulade shrugged, “a few refugees, mostly fems, pairs and singles. The one who asked is a herm, average height, average looks, but they are wearing a bright purple scarf.”  
Herobrine shot up as Steve’s head whipped around and Roulade jumped in alarm. The griefer voiced their shared thought. “How in the Nether did Zile find us?”  
“You know them already sirs?”  
“Zile is a monk, a Notch worshiper.” Herobrine spat. “Do the people with them look like they might start trouble?”  
“No Herobrine. They look hungry and tired. They’re just homeless travelers; I think they just decided to follow someone who knew where they were going.”  
Steve put a friendly hand on the Testificate’s shoulder as Herobrine paced with the blanket twisted around his naked body. “Then feed them please. Give them shelter and bring Zile to us here. We’ll find a permanent place for them later if they want to stay.”  
“Yes Father Steve.” Roulade hurried off and Steve clasped his sweating husband gently.  
“Easy love. We did tell hir to visit us. For all we know they were ejected from the monastery for helping us sneak away. Come on, I’ll help you with your armor.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine stood on a small rise with his arms folded as the skeletons brought the young monk before him. Steve stepped up behind him and stuck out a hand for the youth to shake. “It’s good to see you again Zile. You’ve come a long way to find us. Did the lady send you with news from the temple for us?”  
Herobrine’s whisper was dangerous, “how did you find us?”  
“Well…” The Testificate twisted the bright scarf in hir fingers. “You won’t like it very much Lord.”  
“Tell me anyway.”  
“I… I can smell you, Herobrine.”  
The griefer’s eyebrows shot up in disgust. “What exactly is that supposed to mean? We cut through the Nether to get here. I refuse to believe you could find my scent in that place.”  
Zile sighed. “I didn’t track you through the Nether. I went to visit your village as you suggested and I found it utterly destroyed. The only standing structure was a bedrock tower and I dug underneath to get inside. I found the remains of a portal and guessed what you had done. So I took my leave of the Loched temple and traveled in the direction the gate was facing until I picked up your scent. It was no great loss to them; I am un-teachable in their most important art.”  
“What would that be?” Steve asked curiously.  
“I’m no good at healing glitches; that why I was on sentry duty when I found you. I can sniff them out; I’m one of the very best at it. But I can’t do anything for them once they’re found.”  
Steve threw his hands up in exasperation, “well so much for running away! What’s the point if one Testificate can find us across half a continent?”  
“It doesn’t matter,” Herobrine said darkly. “We’re both on the map now, hiding isn’t an option anymore. I’m tired of being homeless; we’ll build something here for all of us that we can defend. Meddling gods be dammed.” The griefer stomped the ground as he advanced on the monk. “Why are you really here Zile? I don’t believe you came all this way just to visit.”  
Zile gave the much taller being a determined look. “What reason had I to stay Herobrine? Another winter in the snow standing guard? Another summer sparring with classmates who will graduate when I will not? I will never be a healer, but here I can make a difference. Everywhere I traveled I heard your name on people’s lips; either damming your hubris or praising your valor. They spoke of your brave companions and your great love for your human shadow. All ripples must someday reach a shore Herobrine. I am here to teach your people how to fight, so they can defend themselves and the ideals you’ve instilled in them. And I am here for myself as well.”  
Zile sunk to the ground as Herobrine’s eyes grew wide. The monk’s words pierced him like an arrow.  
“I renounce Notch. Herobrine; you are my god now.”  
“You… may stay,” the god said, trying to hide his shock. He made a motion behind his back and Steve darted around him and helped Zile off the ground. Herobrine turned with swirl of cloak and walked away.  
Steve dusted off the monk. “Is he okay?” Zile asked.  
“He’ll be fine, you just surprised him.” Steve looked around to make sure his mate wouldn’t hear them. “I’m sorry, but the curiosity is burning me up. What do glitches smell like?”  
Zile wrinkled hir nostrils. “It’s usually pretty bad, like refuse, rotting meat or stagnant water. But he’s like the cheery trees in the temple garden; far purer and more integrated then some lowly lighting error. Herobrine has snuggled into the land and scratched out a small place for himself on the seed. He smells like a campfire in the desert, like bones, animal musk, moonlight, and just a hint of the sea. It influenced my choice to renounce my former god and follow the glitch. Herobrine is a very unique entity, even if he can’t accept it.”  
“That’s beautiful,” Steve mused. “How’s the book coming?”  
“Not done yet.”


	77. Peaceful Interlude

Hollandaise met them at the foot of the hill and led Zile away with the promise of food and a bed. Steve tramped back up with a sigh, making a mental note to lay some stairs later.   
The Lord of Tears was digging in the yard. His fingers elongated into hard claws that tilled the soil easily. He laid down seeds and patted the ground gently over them before moving to the next block.   
“Are you all right my love?”  
Herobrine slumped slightly. “I’m okay; I just needed something simple and real.” He let the pixels of dirt sift through his claws and flutter away on the breeze. “I never really feel like I deserve it when people praise me like that. Apart from you, I feel less like a god when people actually call me one. Accepting the name feels dangerous, but hiding won’t protect us either. I guess… I’m still just an irresponsible griefer who doesn’t want to grow up. I feel like we’re all just a bunch of kids pretending to be adults and I’m afraid of what will happen if daddy comes home and catches us.” He put his hands on the ground, feeling out the texture of the dirt and the seeds beneath. “I think my name was a title in the beginning, Steve, but a title for what? What is a Herobrine supposed to be?”   
“What is a Steve supposed to be?’ The miner countered. “You may have made me, but I was the one who decided what I would become.” Steve swept out a hand to indicate the village. “To them you’re a god and a hero.” He put a hand on his breast. “To me you’re the other part of my soul. Whatever it meant in the beginning; it can mean something different now.” The human offered his hand and the griefer took it, his dirty claws softening back into fingers in his husband’s gentle grip. “No matter what happens; my love, you won’t be alone.”  
Herobrine grinned at his double, his lopsided and toothy smile only making the human happier. Steve hugged him, patting his back like a child. “Hey, you and I need a distraction, and unless you like living in a little box; we need cobbles for a better house. Would you like to go mining with me?”  
“Yes.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine paused to take a deep breath in the flickering torchlight. “I missed that smell.” Steve chipped away at a nearby wall with a pickaxe. “What smell? Dirt? All I smell is my own sweat,” he said cheerfully.  
The god smirked, “that has its own appeal. But I do mean the dirt, dust, smoke, old wood, and you. You’re part of it all.”   
“I guess I’d have to be,” the miner said thoughtfully. “Considering what you made my body from; meat and wool, water, and earth…”   
Herobrine brushed rock dust from his doubles broad shoulders. “I made you with love, that’s the only element that matters.”  
“Herobrine…?”  
“Yes my lamb?”  
“You said a long time ago that the seed was a woman that could lay you to rest. What did you mean by that?”  
“Oh… that. I used to really conserve what energy I could get to prolong my stay in this world. Since running out of fear to feed on would land me… back in the Nether. So when I had a good pocket of scared villagers I’d find a place to hide nearby and dig myself into the ground. I’d drink it sparingly by going into a dormant state and just sleeping underground for a while. Sometimes my nearby presence would give the Testificates nightmares and that would keep me fed. As long as I kept the hole tiny and sealed off, there wouldn’t be room for mobs to spawn near me and hurt me while I was sleeping.”  
Steve shivered, “I can’t imagine sleeping in what sounds like a grave. I think I’d panic like I was buried alive.”  
“We do what we have too when we’re desperate to survive. And I can see better in the dark then you anyway. I find it comforting. I feel like I’m part of it.”  
Steve paused in his picking, “that’s an interesting thought… you know how you get kind of smoky in between forms? What would it feel like to just be that?”  
“What? Smoke? Like liquid darkness…? I’m not sure...”   
Herobrine squeezed his eyes shut, concentrating on shifting himself, he felt his body grow lighter, not capable of flight but not touching the ground either in a way he didn’t understand. He vanished from Steve’s sight as the room filled with inky blackness, overwhelming the torches until nothing was visible.   
The miner wobbled, disoriented. He could see nothing and feel nothing except the floor below. “It’s like the Void, but no stars! It’s making me dizzy.”  
The voice came from nowhere and wrapped around him, “It’s okay Steve, I’ve got you.” The human felt himself lifted slightly, the blackness wrapped around him like velvet fingers. He was cradled and warm and curled up without a second thought. The eyes opened close to his face, their starry glow dim in the suffocating darkness. “I don’t think this would work anywhere above ground, but it feels interesting. Though having so little substance evokes bad memories too. I might find a use for it, but I prefer to be myself.”   
The darkness retreated and the torches stopped guttering and sprang back to their golden glows. Steve found himself cradled in Herobrine’s arms. He kissed the edge of his lovers chin and the griefer let his feet down onto the floor.  
Steve chuckled, “I’ll never get over how easily you can sweep me off my feet. You make your chunky husband feel like the wispiest of brides.”   
Herobrine laughed heartily. “You’re beautiful Steve, every angle a joy to behold. Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently.”   
Steve shook his head, “you’re just biased.” He lifted his pick to chip the wall but Herobrine grabbed his wrist.   
“Don’t,” he said softly. “Listen first, can’t you hear it?” Steve held his breath and a familiar bloop-bloop caressed his ears.   
“I hear lava.”  
“Same here my lamb, let me go first.”   
With a gracious bow, Steve stepped aside and watched as his god burrowed bare-handed into the stone wall. Herobrine punched away the stone and about three blocks in; a huge glob of molten lava splashed out of the fresh hole in the wall. Steve skipped backwards instinctively, but the griefer just stood there; letting the glowing mush pour out around his boots.   
“Ah, that feels nice. I kinda want to take my shoes off and wiggle my toes in it.”  
“Oh, if our people only knew what a kid at heart you are.”  
Herobrine put a dramatic finger to his lips. “Shush! That’s our secret!”  
“Hey look at that!” Steve pointed excitedly at a sparkle deeper in the hole. He frowned, “aw, that’s going to be hard to get. I don’t have any water to chill the lava.”   
The god clucked his tongue, “Did you forget so quickly who you’re mining with? I’ll get them for you.”   
“You’re so sweet.” Steve gushed, grinning mischievously. “I get love and diamonds too. I’m spoiled.”  
“Ham,” Herobrine replied with a wink. He made the hole larger and levered himself up into the lava pool. The griefer waded to the center and pulled out his scythe. Gently he picked the glittering diamonds from the ceiling and caught them as they fell. Herobrine waded back out of the flow and traipsed out onto the cold floor leaving glowing droplets in his wake.   
He spilled the gems into his double’s open hands.   
“My hero!” Steve tittered.  
“Stop doing that dammit; it’s silly.”   
“No. Hey… do you still have the book you took from your old fortress?”  
“Yeessss…”  
“We should make a new enchanting table; I haven’t done magick in ages! And you can actually read the spells, right?”  
Herobrine shrugged, “it’s not hard, Comm-Kaeen is just a transliteration.”  
“We should put a little sparkle on your gold armor before it you completely destroy it. You’ll actually be able to tell which spell is the ‘unbreaking’ one before you waste your energy on it.”  
Herobrine chuckled, “Gold and purple and now sparkles too? Don’t you think my attire is gaudy enough?”  
“Maybe I just want everyone to see you like I do.”   
“I don’t think they need extra help to realize I’m a complete disaster. They’re just too busy expressing everything they’ve been hiding their whole lives to give a shit.”   
“Pfft!” Steve scooped up a few buckets of lava and stowed them. “Come on, let’s go up. We’ve got crafting to do.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

The two emerged in good spirits from the tunnel and found Mousse waiting for them. The Testificate was nervously passing a small bottle filled with dark sludge from one hand to the other. Xe stood up quickly in the presence of the lovers.   
Herobrine stretched in the warm sunlight, “can we do something for you Mousse?”  
“Sirs, it’s about the touchies. I think we did something wrong. The combs are full but it’s the wrong color and not as sweet as the syrup we get from you.” Herobrine reached out and took the bottle.   
“Hmm.” He uncorked it and took a deep sniff, and then snaked his skinny tongue inside to just touch the surface of the fluid. “Heh. I thought this might happen. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s the wrong kind of wood. It looks like we need oak blocks to get the sweet syrup. But this isn’t a wasted effort by any means. Steve, do you have the crafting table?”   
“Sure.” Mystified the human set up the workbench and watched Herobrine pick a tuft of wheat from the garden and grind up some cane from his inventory into sugar dust. He punched down the sugar, added the wheat and then poured the syrup into the squares. With a poof he extracted a small cluster of dark cookies, and passed them around. He watched with a proud smile as both the villager and his lover hummed approvingly.   
“How about we name it after you?” the griefer asked gamely. “Mousslasses has a nice ring to it.”   
“Thank you Herobrine!” The Testificate beamed. “But what should I do about the touchies?”  
The god rubbed his hands eagerly. “I’d like to continue the experiment. Scrape one of the three combs from the jungle block and leave the rest for the touchies for now. Then bring me a block of acacia wood and we’ll see what they do with that. And on your way back, grab Alex and show her the recipe I just used. She can make that one comb’s worth of mousslasses into a big pile of cookies for everyone to share.”   
The Testificates grin was a mile wide. Xe bowed very low to Herobrine and then again to Steve before racing back down the hill.   
“You’re getting better at being good,” Steve purred seductively.   
“Oh… shut your cake-hole.”


	78. Grave Robbery

Steve snickered, and noticed Gold marching up from the side of the hill with someone in tow. Croca pointedly ignored the skeleton walking behind hir, as well as Tiddles who stomped angrily a few blocks behind Gold. Croca stopped and Gold kept walking; brushing their fingers with Steve’s by way of acknowledgment. The miner murmured a thank you, and stepped up to confront the witch. Herobrine stayed behind him, glaring fiercely at the zombie who stared back with equal hatred in his black eyes.   
Steve smiled pleasantly. “How fares your village Croca?”  
Xe sighed, “Not well actually, Father Steve, Herobrine. It’s… the reason I’m here.” Reluctantly Croca got down on hir knees and Tiddles hissed in rage. “Our village subsists mainly on fish from the river you crossed and the nearby sea that feeds it. And for a long time we’ve been troubled by the monsters that live there. Lately they’ve gotten even more aggressive and our people are unable to fish safely. Because you are strong; I’ve come to ask a boon on their behalf. Kill the sea monsters for us and our village will also swear fealty to you both.”   
Tiddles put a warning hand on Croca’s shoulder and xe shrugged it off aggressively. “Would you have us starve for your pride?” The witch growled. The zombie backed off and folded his arms with a scowl. “If you’re just going to embarrass me; then leave and I’ll come along in good time.”   
“Fine!” The undead snarled back. Tiddles stalked back down the path, kicking up dirt pixels as he went.   
Steve watched him go sadly and felt the tickle of his lovers words in his mind, ‘let him have his anger, hopefully the bitterness will fade with time.’   
Croca’s eyes went wide. “That was so much louder! Did you…?” The witches face split into a wide grin under hir warty nose. “You gave your wedding gifts, didn’t you? Congratulations!”  
Steve blushed shyly and his soft expression made Herobrine smile foolishly as well. He gestured for the witch to rise, and Croca dusted off hir robe.   
The witch spread hir arms wide, “I’m sorry I have nothing to give as a gift for your union. But let me give you two a traditional blessing at least.” Xe cleared hir throat before intoning the words like a spell. “Herobrine, Steve, on this day the witch doth speak. May you strike flint and never be burned by it, may the seed never cross your path with storms, may that path across the chunks be soft underfoot, and the water of your tears always taste sweet with joy.”  
“That’s nice,” Steve said brightly. “Thank you.”   
“Yes… But don’t let on that you know.” Herobrine added softly. “Our people don’t need to be planning anything for us right now. We want them to stay focused on building up the village.”  
“Oh, mums the word Herobrine! I won’t tell anyone, not even Tiddles. I’m happy for you both, perhaps even envious. My choice in careers stems partially from me being unlucky in love myself...”  
“Aww, you never know, luck can change quickly.” Steve patted the witches shoulder supportively. “The perfect person might be right under your nose.”  
“Eh; perhaps. But thank you Father Steve. I’ll try to keep an open mind. You two give me hope. I can see the bridge between you is narrow now, but I think time will make it a lush avenue as wide as the world.”   
“Good, now tell us about these monsters.” Herobrine said flatly.   
“I have only seen them from afar, but the fishermen say they’re like the gold puffer fishes we hook from time to time. But much larger, with sharp spikes and with one big eye in the center. I have seen their temple as well; it’s a vast sprawling building below the waves just off the coast. People say they guard a treasure, but who knows if there’s any truth to that? Either way, no one would begrudge you keeping anything you find. We just want to be able to feed our village without having our people skewered and our boats overturned. Will you help us?”   
Herobrine folded his arms, he looked tall and regal as the wind caught his cloak and whipped it briefly around Steve like a protective wing. “And you will abide by our decrees? Including removing the ban on mal pairings?”  
Croca bowed again, “yes sir. I was given permission to offer whatever we had to eliminate this threat. We have no fighters of our own, so if you treat us half as well as your own village we will still be in good hands indeed.”   
Herobrine glanced at his double and the miner gave him the barest of nods.   
“Then that will the first thing to change once Steve and I are finished with this task. Currently we have a monk training our keeshan pairs to fight, when they are finished with our people I will send them to do the same with yours. We have no desire to make war, but there are forces opposed to what we do here and we must all be ready to take up arms and defend our homes if need be. And in the meantime…” Herobrine sauntered over to an oak tree and put his hands on it. The wood rippled lightly under his touch. Satisfied, he stepped back and head-butted the tree trunk like an angry bull. The leaves disintegrated and a hail of apples fell from the despawning branches until only the naked trunk remained. The griefer scooped them up into his inventory and passed four full stacks of apples to Croca. The witch stared at him in awe.   
“It won’t fix your problem, but it will help while Steve and I work to solve it. Go home Croca, we’ll take it from here.”   
Steve watched hir go. “Do we have a plan?”  
“Just the usual,” he grinned wickedly, “sneak in, kill the monsters and break all their shit. But it’s going to take preparation. You’ll need water-breathing potions, and we’ll need different weapons with a longer range. Do we have netherwort?”  
Steve shook his head, “no but I’m pretty sure Alex does. And I have a couple of blaze rods for the brewing stand.”  
“Good, I need two pairs of leather boots and a whole bunch of sticks and spider strings.”  
“Do I want to know why?  
“We’re going fishing.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine watched with a lazy grin as Steve gave a pep talk to his skeletal brothers. The undead crowded around him like eager children. They wouldn’t really benefit from what they were about to do, but like Herobrine himself, they would do it anyway just to see Steve’s proud expression. The griefer hooked a fish and cast his bobber back into the mouth of the diamond blue river. There was a clatter of bones and a soft rustling of wool as the skeletons lined the shore and cast their own lines into the water. Herobrine took a slimy bite from the fish in his other hand as his husband settled down on the grass beside him. Steve pulled a face and the griefer showed his shark-like teeth briefly before using them to strip the fish meat from the bones. The human looked a little green. “I can’t believe you like them like that, they don’t even smell good.”  
“Perhaps not,” he replied, “but they’re nice and salty, and my stomach is growling.”  
His double sighed and passed him a kookoonut. “What would you do without me?”   
The griefer took the nut and glitch broke it on his knee. “I would be lonely and sad and probably hungry too” Herobrine crooned sweetly, leaning on Steve’s shoulder. The human quirked an eyebrow as Herobrine sensually licked the white slime out of the nut with his long forked tongue.   
Steve swallowed thickly, “so tell me what we’re looking for.”   
“Oh! Got a nibble!” Herobrine yanked the line and flung another fish onto the shore. “It’s a type of fish,” he said, his mouth full of kookoonut pudding. “it’s yellow and spiky and poisonous.”  
“Oh, so it’s only good for potion making?”  
“Yeah,” Herobrine replied, his voice bitter. “Unless you have a Herobrine’s stomach and like the delectable taste of sponge and fermented spider eyes.” Steve realized that his doubles anger was directed mostly at what he’d had to resort to in order to stay alive in the distant past, and the miner rubbed his husband’s back supportively.   
Herobrine leaned in, almost purring. The line bucked in his hands and he shot upright again, reeling it in. “It’s… a bottle of water?”   
“Drink it,” Steve chuckled.   
“Well… I’m hydrated.”  
Steve gently took the empty bottle and stowed it. “I’ll use it with the brewing stand later.”  
They sat quietly while the undead pulled and cast lines around them until the ground was littered with things. Then the dead came forward one by one to give their spoils to their living brother since the skeletons had no inventory slots of their own to hold them. Navy stepped up smartly and offered a saddle and two fish. Tang followed with an orange fish and a pair of sticks. Gold staggered up carrying a squid which Steve asked them politely to release. Cyan gave hir master three salmons and Violet shyly showed him that they had hooked an iron helmet. Steve dried it gently on his shirt and crowned Violet with the helm. He noticed his braced line dancing and snatched it up. A tiny yellow fish flew out of the water and flopped on the shore. “There you go!” Herobrine crowed. “But we’ll need more then one…”   
Steve held up the fish proudly by the line and his eyes went wide as the griefer's face turned white with fear. The god charged him and knocked him away from the water, crouching over him like a protective wolf. The skeletons were also thrown like sticks in a gale as a gigantic round fish burst out of the water and humped onto the shore. The monster snapped at them, shooting streams of bubbly hot water in every direction. The undead drew their bows and the fish seemed to register surprise as it’s natural allies turned on it rather then the detestable human or the glitch that hovered over him. It rolled sideways as the skeletons advanced, shooting arrows at every step. Furious, the guardian let loose with a gurgling roar and seized Violet in its mouth.   
Violet’s jaw opened in a silent scream as they were dragged under the waves. Herobrine leaped over Steve and charged the fleeing monster. But as he landed on its back, it exploded into a forest of spines that pierced flesh and armor alike before retracting. Herobrine struggled to his knees in the shallows and then stuck his head underwater. He let his unnatural eyes lighten the gloom of the depths, and watched with mounting dread as the struggling skeleton was dragged into the monument under the sea. He stood up and saw Steve weeping openly. His brothers had surrounded him and they held his shoulders as he wailed his sorrow for Violet. Herobrine staggered back to shore, his soggy cloak and armor like lead weights on his shoulders. Belatedly he noticed he was bleeding in several places and feeling rather faint. “Kidnapped,” he managed. “They didn’t kill Violet, and skeletons don’t breathe. Well get hir back Steve.”   
The griefer wobbled and collapsed on the beach. “I don’t feel so good,” he mumbled into the dirt, and then everything went black.


	79. Insanely Hard Water Temple Level

When Herobrine woke again it was to find that Steve had set up a small flow of lava and laid his mate down in the shallow edge of it. The human was standing guard, his face drawn and determined.   
“How long was I out my lamb?”  
Steve couldn’t get closer because of the slush of molten stone around him, so he settled for speaking from where he was. “Ah, only an hour or so, your wounds closed as soon as the lava hit you. But I let you sleep while Tang and Cyan fished in a safer spot. Gold and Navy have gone to get some supplies from Alex, and the brewing stand is ready when you are.” He was quiet for a long moment and the griefer saw the ring of white around the human’s clenched fists.   
“Don’t worry Steve. I doubt they’ll kill Violet. They probably think xe attacked them out of confusion or because we did something to hir. It’s not normal for hostile mobs to turn on one another. I’m the sole exception.”  
“Why did you faint?”   
“Well… my food was low even with what you gave me, and I think the spikes are tainted with the same poison as the little ones. It just reaffirms my earlier thought; we need to stab them from a distance. There’s no guarantee the temple itself isn’t flooded as well and I think that will make bows useless. Do you still have the diamonds I gave you?”  
“Yes.”   
“Then please give me three; and six iron ingots.”  
“I’m on it.”   
Steve rushed back into the house and Herobrine allowed himself a moment, lying back with a sigh into the molten stone. It seemed that he had but a moment to blink before his husband returned with the gems and iron, as well as the boots he had earlier requested.   
Herobrine sat up in the glowing slurry and held the ingots over the lava until they were warm and melting, then he pulled them out like taffy into long poles. He broke the diamonds in his hands and formed them into spear butts and blades and added a wicked hook to each stabbing end of the two lances. He held them high and let the night air cool them before passing them back to Steve. The boots he beat with his fists, flattening the fronts into long flippers.   
The miner set up a furnace and turned sand into glass bottles before filling them with sea water. The four skeletons returned at a dead run and gave them a bundle of netherwort and several golden fish. Herobrine set to work stuffing the fish whole into the stand and rendering them down into a golden liquid.   
“Will it be enough?” Steve asked quietly.   
“Plenty my lamb, I don’t need it. I’m just making it for you.”   
The human stared, “but how will you breathe?”  
Herobrine turned slightly and let several dark slits open on his cheeks and neck. “I’ll make some temporary adjustments.” He paused as the bottles filled. “It’s done, we can go now.”  
They hurriedly slipped the flattened boots on as the sun was rising. Herobrine noticed Steve watching him curiously as he shed his cloak and armor and put it into a small trunk on the shore. “It didn’t protect me from the spikes and I’ll move faster without it, plus my helmet covers my cheeks. And I… might need to change if things get hairy.”   
The miner gave him a sad smile. “Thank you.”  
The skeletons milled unhappily, as if willing the pair to go quickly to save their kin. “I’ll bring back our brother,” Steve declared boldly, and his words seemed to cheer them a little. “Please guard our things while we’re gone.”   
Herobrine slipped silently into the water and let his glitched gills open. He winced as seawater poured into his lungs. The fluid was tepid but it burned him like ice all the way down. The god forced himself to stay under as the broken part of his code dealt with the signals the physical part was sending. He noticed Steve hesitating in the shallows.   
The miner threw back the awful potion. It tasted like seawater and hurt his mouth. The thought came from the back of his mind. ‘Your first breath of water is going to hurt, there’s no way around it.’  
‘It doesn’t matter, I won’t abandon my brother. This is for Violet.’ The human dove under and then came up sputtering and shamed. He saw Herobrine reaching for him from below, his bright eyes like lanterns in the gloom.   
‘I thought this would happen. I’m sorry my lamb, you know I don’t want to hurt you.’  
As Steve processed the rather ominous mental comment he felt hands clamp around his ankles. Herobrine added the weight of the Nether to his form and they sank like stones. The griefer worked his way up and wrapped himself around Steve. The human struggled wildly, his face going blue as he fought to contain the last bit of air inside him.   
‘Trust in me. Let it go.’  
Finally Steve couldn’t hold it any longer. His mouth opened and the water rushed in. He was sure he’d probably peed in terror and he struggled weakly as the potion converted the frigid seawater into air. Herobrine kissed him softly and pulled him along by his arm. ‘Are you all right? I’m sorry, but I guessed that your instinct to survive would make it nearly impossible for you to take a lungful of water intentionally. It broke my hearts to see you panic like that.’  
The human frowned, squeezing his eyes closed and trying to get his pulse under control. ‘I’ll live.’ He steeled himself. ‘It needed to be done.’ Steve pulled out his spear and kicked his flippers in imitation of his double. ‘We’re close now.’   
The temple seemed to loom up suddenly out of the darkness. It’s vast green bulk partially buried in slimy mud blocks. A guardian swam lazily by and the pair ducked behind an outcrop, ‘maybe we should sneak in, and do our griefing on the way out?’   
Steve nodded his ascent and the two made their way to the massive pillars that held the ceiling aloft. They could see another large object visible in the center under the huge open space within, and as they got closer, a ruined ship came into view. The temple was crouched above the dilapidated hulk like a predatory animal. And the small vessel appeared even older then the ancient complex around it.   
‘That looks like a good place to start.’  
The two swam quickly, skirting the bottom. The human pulled out a pick and labored to break a hole in the hull of the ship.  
‘Here, let me do it.’ Herobrine moved next his mate and glitch broke the blocks with his fists. A stream of scalding water slammed down next to them and Steve turned with his lance to face the guardian fish that was bearing down on them. Herobrine broke blocks faster and pulled the human into the narrow space. Steve stabbed at the single, baleful eye as the beast snapped at him. The griefer used his own lance to jab the fish in the mouth. The wicked hook caught in its lip and he dragged it violently against the hull of the ship. As it reeled from the blow, Steve dispatched its last heart with a stab from his pearl sword. Then the irate griefer drug him backwards into the hole in the hull and engulfed them both in absolute darkness.   
Steve panted, breathing the fluid was wearing him out, and he was fighting back a growing panic because of the sheer depth of the water and the inky black pressure bearing down from every direction. He felt himself curling up in fear and was powerless to do anything about it. Herobrine embraced him, letting his glitch rise up and the glow from his eyes fill the room around them. He pressed a bottle to Steve’s lips and forced the miner to drink the thick yellow potion. Steve clung to his double as his hearts slowed down. Then he was being pulled upward as the griefer broke the ceiling.   
They emerged into a small room; where a pair of chests lay open. They were smashed and empty, but Steve saw Herobrine pull an item frame and its contents off the wall and stow it in his inventory. The human looked around, and noticed an odd sight. A pure white pumpkin in the center of a ring of iron blocks. ‘Can you get this for me?’  
The god came to his husband’s aid and broke the iron from the ships floor with his hands; he also scooped up the pumpkin and the two ventured upward onto the deck. As they popped out; two more guardians attacked. Herobrine used his body to block the blasts of hot water and sighed at the searing heat of the bubbles. The guardians drew back, confused by the apparent human who could smile under their boiling assault. Steve used it as an opportunity to charge them. He cut through the water like a squid, furiously kicking his flippered feet. The human stabbed it viciously in the eye with his diamond spear and it despawned with an agonized groan.   
Steve turned to face the other and narrowly avoided the spines that jutted out from its body. Herobrine pushed hard with his feet and launched himself at the fish, gracefully leading with the glittering lance. The guardian blew a blast of scalding bubbles directly at his face as it was pierced. Herobrine barely blinked, smiling wickedly as the fish was pinned to the temple wall and disappeared in a puff of bubbles.   
Steve could hear the vicious giggle in his head as Herobrine gestured towards the ceiling. With pick and fist they broke through the floor and emerged into a series of flooded corridors lit by pale green lantern blocks. Herobrine punched the walls almost idly, gathering samples of the blocks around them. ‘I almost wish we weren’t here to wreck the place,’ he mused. ‘I’ve never seen anything quite like it. It must be positively ancient.’   
Steve gritted his teeth. ‘I just want to get Violet and get out of here. This place is terrifying and I’m on the edge of panicking just because I’m surrounded by instant death if this potion wears off again.’ He felt Herobrine touch him gently.   
‘You’ll be okay my lamb, I’m watching your mental state. I’ll dose you again if you start to choke. Well get Violet back; and we’ll make any survivors wish they’d never tangled with us. I’ve been glitching a portion of the blocks I’m collecting inside my inventory into TNT.’   
His smile was horrible in the gloom, ‘There won’t be much left when the master is done griefing. I said I’d be good, but other monsters don’t get a pass.’   
Steve gave him a nervous look. ‘I feel like we’re going in circles, isn’t there some way to sense hir?’  
‘Well, it’s like any other maze. Let’s follow the left hand wall and we’ll eventually either reach the edge or the center. If it’s the edge, we’ll go back outside and cut down through the roof into the middle.’  
‘I’m so cold.’  
‘Yeah me too. I feel like lava that’s been poured in water.’  
‘So… obsidian.’  
‘Yes. I know you’re trying to be droll, but I’m serious. My muscles hurt and I’m very stiff, like the water is slowly freezing my molten core into a solid block.’  
Steve ducked in embarrassment. ‘I’m sorry.’   
‘It’s all right my lamb, you couldn’t have known.’ He pointed eagerly, ‘that looks promising.’   
At the end of the corridor they’d entered was an open space. A massive gate stood open, its double doors fused to the walls with slime. A faint green light shone from within. Herobrine nudged his mate as they stood just outside. ‘You peek in; my glow will give us away in this gloomy space.’  
Steve leaned over cautiously and looked into the dimly lit room. The ceiling was made of high arches and the center was filled with a five by five cube of the prismarine that made up most of the building. A massive shadow passed by far overhead and Steve caught a glimpse of something white and purple near the floor.   
‘It’s Violet! But xe’s not moving, they’re just laying on the bottom!’ The human’s face was scrunched in pain, and his god guessed that he was crying out of frustration.   
‘Please calm down. You’re forgetting that Violet is already dead. The skeletons aren’t dumb, they know they can play dead and no one will be the wiser. As long as Violet doesn’t de-spawn, we can still heal hir with poison. And there’s something else… in there. It feels like a guardian, but also like a witch; hard to explain. It’s powerful though. We need to be smart about this.’  
Steve smiled, ‘you’re right. Like always. And I… oh…” The human gripped the god painfully tight, his face was turning blue and Herobrine fumbled for another bottle of potion. Steve scrabbled at him in terror. ‘I don’t want to die!’  
Herobrine sucked out the contents of the bottle, wincing at the horrible taste. Then he pressed his lips to that of his double and forced the noxious potion down the struggling human’s gullet. They held one another desperately as it took effect.   
The god could feel his companion’s pain so acutely that it was indistinguishable from his own. And the vitriol of Steve’s next words surprised him.   
‘I don’t want to be sneaky’ Steve snarled internally. ‘I want to get the Nether out of this horrible place as soon as possible. Let’s grief and run.’   
The god’s eyes narrowed dangerously as he grinned. ‘As my lamb wishes; I will surely do.’


	80. Ridden Hard and Put Away Wet

Herobrine peeked out of the doorway to get a good look at where Violet was lying. Swiftly he flowed across the floor like liquid darkness and descended on the skeleton’s unmoving form. The griefer dragged the undead back into the shadows behind the massive pillars of prismarine. He’d handed off most of the TNT blocks and he watched with pride as Steve laid them along the walls. Violet seemed to realize something was moving hir and struggled a little bit. So Herobrine reformed part of his face and a single silencing finger from the fog to quiet them. But the sudden blink of glow from his eyes seemed to attract attention from above, and the griefer froze as a vast shadow passed overhead and a wave of hot water rolled over him. He waited until the water was still again, risking a glance across the room, Steve was standing in a shadow, looking up in horror. Herobrine sent him a thought. ‘Go behind the altar thing and dig in. We’ll use it as a blind if we have too.’   
The human nodded and kicked his feet to propel himself along the wall. Herobrine continued to drag Violet slowly and eventually they were also behind the large arrangement of prismarine cubes. Steve lunged at Violet and hugged his brother fiercely. The skeleton hugged him back, their sweater billowing out in the surrounding water.   
Herobrine looked at the empty space inside the structure. Steve jerked a thumb, ‘It was full of gold blocks and a single dry sponge in the center. Really strange.’   
‘That is weird, but I’m ready to get out of here. Are you done mining their treasure?’   
‘Absolutely, if I never go swimming again, it will be too soon. How do we do this?’ Suddenly the miner’s face contorted painfully, his guts were tired of being filled with noxious potions and seawater and he gagged as his body attempted to make him vomit. He scrabbled at his throat, desperate for air and succumbing to a panic attack. Violet grasped at him, anxiously pleading with the griefer to somehow save their master.   
Herobrine made a snap decision, it wasn’t something he wanted to do, but he wasn’t going to stand idly and watch Steve die in front of him. ‘Give me the sponge, quickly! While you can still hold your breath!’ The miner fumbled at himself and somehow managed to release the squishy block so that his mate could scoop it up.  
Herobrine held the shrunken block in his teeth and transformed himself. He swelled white, impossibly large, his edges bumping painfully against the walls. Thick tentacles scooped up the miner and the skeleton and Herobrine pushed them both and the sponge inside his mouth. Steve gasped in the sudden wet darkness as the sponge sucked away all the water around them. Violet fell as the floor bucked under them and they clung to Steve in absolute terror. A wailing cry welled up from a small opening in the floor and the human froze with fear. He fell to his knees as the ceiling shuddered over their heads, he didn’t dare make a flame to see. The human just squeezed his eyes shut and held onto his trembling brother for dear life.   
Herobrine flexed unfamiliar muscles and set off the TNT blocks with a blow from a tentacle. The griefer heaved off the ocean bottom and slammed the top of his massive head into the ceiling of the temple. The blocks crumbled around him and he broke free of the complex; rushing desperately upward towards the light as he held his breath.   
The skeletons were still waiting on the shore as a massive blast shook the ground underfoot, scattering them on the ground. Then they were showered with seawater as a ghast burst violently from the deep. Once out of the water, the ghastly griefer opened his wide mouth and used his tentacles to remove his passengers. He placed them gently on top of his head and glided like a balloon through the open air towards the shore. A ghast’s whimper escaped him and he felt Steve shiver in response.   
His words echoed inside Steve’s mind, ‘its okay my lamb, no need to be afraid. You’re safe now.’   
A gurgling roar cut the air and the water swirled underneath them. ‘Hold on!’ Herobrine yelled internally. The ghast made for the clouds as a gigantic guardian leaped up out of the water, its spikes jutted out longer then the small ones and the body was an unhealthy gray cast. The eye was narrowed and red with rage as the beast snapped at the ghast’s tentacles.   
Herobrine sped towards the shore as fast as he could fly as the aquatic terror chomped and bit at his dangling arms and sprayed his underside with scalding blasts of water. The skeletons fled up the hill as he reached the shore. The ghast glided low and plucked Steve and Violet off his head and put them down gently in the grass. Angrily Heroghast turned to face the leviathan. He let the alien guts churn inside him and spat out a fireball that seared his mouth as it exited. The elder guardian reeled from the blast but kept advancing. All around the ghast the skeletons stepped forward, loading their bows. They set off a volley of arrows that arched gracefully in the sunshine and fell like deadly rain onto the monster below. Herobrine forced himself to loose another fireball, giving a whining wail as the burning chunk left his throat. The flaming ball hit the fish in the eye and it flailed, throwing high waves onto the shore. As it flopped in pain the skeletons kept firing, moving forward in a line to damage their foe from as close as possible. Finally the horrible monster de-spawned, bursting into a short shower of much smaller fish bits.  
Herobrine let his tear streaked eyes fall closed; he felt the others all around him, joining hands to hug his ghastly body. He let himself shrink back down to his normal form and Steve ran forward to embrace him. The miner was rubbing and touching him, petting his wet hair and kissing him.   
“You were amazing my love!” The miner gushed. “That was brilliant thinking. I know it probably didn’t feel good at all, so thank you for saving me anyway. It was everything I could do to not pee myself again when I realized where you’d put me.” He stopped chattering as he noticed Herobrine’s small frown. “Hey, are you going to be alright?”   
“I feel terrible.” The griefer muttered bitterly. “It’s no wonder the damn ghasts cry all the time. Their anatomy is an absolute mess. Between breathing water and spitting gassy fireballs; my guts are so sore.”   
Steve kissed him sweetly. “Is there anything I can get you that will make you feel better?”   
“Yes please. Let’s go home. I want some milk and a soft place to lie down.”  
Steve helped the griefer to his feet. Violet sidled up in front of them, and gestured for attention. “What is it brother?” The human asked with a gentle smile. The skeleton had no words, but xe bowed low and pressed Herobrine’s free hand to their lipless mouth in a parody of a kiss.   
“Well, there you go.” Steve said happily. “We both know they’d rather I was in charge, but I think you’ve officially earned their loyalty all on your own.”  
“Good, we need all the friends we can get.”   
Herobrine let go of Steve and opened his arms, gesturing for Violet to hug him. The skeleton seemed unsure but came forward anyway. And as Herobrine embraced hir, he turned up his glitch and dried the sweater Steve had lovingly made for them so long ago. He released the undead who was practically skipping with happiness. Steve rubbed his back, 'that was kind.'  
'Oh shush.'   
The two walked along and the skeletons collected the trunk and carried it behind them. When they reached their little house, Steve’s brothers took up guard positions around the outside of the structure and let the lovers go in alone.   
Herobrine was already dry and clean from shifting his form, so he deigned to help Steve struggle out of his wet clothes. Together they rinsed their gear and hung it to dry. The griefer stopped, clutching his belly in agony.  
His double quickly fetched him a pail of milk from their supplies and he guzzled it gratefully. Then Herobrine crawled naked onto the bed and let his tension out with an easy sigh. Steve shed the rest of his clothing and scooted under the blanket with his husband. Herobrine snaked an arm over his lover and pulled the human into his embrace, smiling despite himself as Steve curled small to get as much contact as possible.   
“My lamb showed the courage of a wolf today,” he murmured quietly. ‘I’m so proud. And I’ll have a special gift for you when we wake. You’ve more then earned it.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

It seemed that not a moment had passed before Steve was yawning himself awake. He was grateful to find his lover still curled around him, and sleeping peacefully. Their shared dream was still of the tiny, floating island and that was adequate for now. Time was not an element in the dream and the lovers were content to simply sleep together in the warm grass and sunshine of their minds.  
Steve gently poked the griefer awake, “what would you like for breakfast, o’ husband of mine?”  
Herobrine yawned widely, his snaky tongue flicking briefly between his snaggly teeth. He blinked the sleep from his luminous eyes. “Ugggh.” He groaned. “Something dead and cooked, coffee with sugar, and an egg, please.”  
Steve bustled about merrily, putting the meat in the furnace and brewing the coffee in the stand. He passed Herobrine an egg. The griefer was still sitting up in bed and accepted it gratefully.   
The human gave him a questioning look. “Does your stomach still hurt? I can’t imagine eating a raw egg will make it better.”  
“I’m not going to eat it raw.” The griefer held the egg cradled in both hands and turned his temperature up. The shell turned very slightly brown and he blew on it to cool it. He louvered himself off the bed and sat down on the edge of his lava pool. Steve watched him curiously as he picked the shell off the egg and let the bits fall and burn to nothing on the lava’s surface. Inside it was white and squishy and the griefer took a messy bite of the now solid egg. He tipped it to show the yellow cube in its center to his mate.   
“No thanks.”  
The god shrugged and gulped down the rest of the stiff boiled egg. His lover passed him a coffee bottle and a cooked mutton chop. The griefer munched contentedly as Steve fussed around putting some meat in the fire for himself. His guts were still a mess from the abuse he’d put his physical body through, but his happiness at just being home and safe eased the discomfort. He finished his food and as he snuck up on Steve; Herobrine drew out the strange item he’d found in the shipwreck and draped its short edges over his unwitting husband’s shoulders. “For you,” he said sweetly, while taking a large step back.   
Steve shifted his shoulders without looking, “did you give me a cloak?” He asked mildly.   
“No, just a pair of wings for my perfect angel.”   
“Wings?” Steve replied in shock. He twisted around, trying to get a good look at what the griefer had put on him. The wings were a soft silvery gray, bereft of feathers but shiny like a bugs carapace.   
“It would be better if they were clean white like your stainless soul, but this is the best I can do. They were in the ship we pillaged. They’re called elytra, and more like a glider then anything else. But I thought you’d like to have them.”  
Steve crouched and watched the wide wings spread out to either side of him; he bobbed them up and down experimentally. Then flapped them like a chicken while rushing about the kitchen, before finally pouncing on his lover with abandon. “I love them! Thank you Herobrine.”  
His earnest tone made the griefer blush and Steve gleefully kissed the pink on his cheeks. “Will my god teach me to fly?” He asked reverently.  
“Yes. It’ll get us to the other village pretty quickly and we can let them know we took care of their fish problem. The catch is that we’ll have to walk back, because there’s nothing over there high enough to jump from to get us back here. You also can’t wear the elytra and your chest-plate at the same time. I don’t want to fly but I will go with you. So eat your breakfast, my sweet angel, and we’ll commence with your first lesson.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine watched Steve anxiously as the miner perched on their roof. Somehow the prospect of jumping off of the five block high structure made the distance to the ground seem much farther.   
“I’ll catch you if it looks like you’re plummeting. I promise, you know how fast I can move.” The griefer called out reassuringly. “Just stick out your wings as you fall and try to keep them level.”   
Steve swallowed thickly and walked to the backside of their unfinished house. He took one step, and then another, breaking into a run as he neared the edge. With a wild yell he flung himself over it and forced the elytra outward as he tumbled down. The wings jerked him slightly upward and he wobbled back and forth as the wind carried him gently forward and down like a feather to the ground. He bumped down into the dirt and Herobrine sprinted up to him.   
“That was really good for a first try.” The griefer smiled, “I think you’re a natural. Do you want to try again? Or do you want to try jumping from a higher spot?”  
Steve glanced up at the sun. “I hate to say it. But I think we need to go if we’re going too or we’ll be running back in the dark. If you’re with me, I won’t worry about falling.” 

* * * * * * * * * *


	81. On the Wings of a Steve

The pair looked out over the landscape spread below them; Steve forced his knees to stop knocking together. Herobrine quirked an eyebrow at him, “can you do this Steve? You look a little green.”  
“I… can do this!” He blurted out. “I just need to… no. I don’t need anything. Birds can figure this out, and I’m certainly brighter then a chicken. What are you going to do?”  
“This,” Herobrine stated mysteriously. The griefer seemed to darken, turning to fog and shrinking as the human watched curiously. The smoky darkness blew away on the breeze and left a small endermite in it's wake. The bug turned glowing eyes to Steve and the human knelt down to pick him up. Herobrine scuttled up Steve’s arm, his many tiny feet making the miner cringe instinctively. Heromite clambered up onto the space between Steve’s shoulders and clamped his pincer-like jaws around the miner’s cyan shirt.  
“That’s not going to work.” Steve admonished. “You’ll get hurt when I flex the elytra to land.” The bug crawled up onto his shoulder and twittered mischievously in his mind.   
‘What would you have me do? I won’t fit in your pants my lamb.’  
The human sighed; he tucked his shirt in, and belted his diamond pants well over the tattered edges. He lifted his mate gently and put him inside his shirt. Herobrine snuggled down under the warm fabric with just his tiny head poking out from the V-neck of Steve’s top.   
“Yeesh! That shell is cold!”  
‘It’ll warm up,’ the griefer replied in his head. ‘We should do this more often. I don’t like being a bug, but this is certainly a comfy spot.’   
“Hedonist.”   
‘You know it. I’m clipped down whenever you’re ready. It’ll actually be easier from this height, just make sure you start off pointed the right direction and don’t curve around or we’ll over-shoot the mark.’   
Steve looked at the ground, there was a small amount of fog because of the nearby swamp and it was hard to even see the base of the massive jungle tree he was standing on top of. The village was small in the distance and the sun had already reached its apex. It was now or never.   
He muttered a little prayer and his griefer god replied with a gentle touch on his mind that soothed his fears.   
Steve took a few shaking steps and flung himself into space. The ground appeared to rush up to meet him as he spread the elytra wide. The wings seemed to grasp the air, pushing away from the clouds. He sailed slightly upwards before leveling off.  
The miner could practically hear the pride in Herobrine’s mental voice as he praised his angel. “You should peek out,” Steve shouted, “it’s so beautiful.”  
He felt the bug shift against his chest and Herobrine cast his bright gaze on the landscape below. They passed over the river and followed it for a short way before skirting the trees. Far below, a few Testificates spotted them and tried to keep up with them. The villagers raced down the beach, disappearing into the forest as they tried to beat the strange flying human to their home.   
‘Now stick the landing while they’re watching you, my angel,’ Herobrine insisted. Steve wiggled his legs as the grass rose up to meet him. He skidded a little on the gravel path to the village and stumbled as he lowered the wings and tried to stop.   
Herobrine saw with alarm that they were headed right for a creek. He flung himself out of Steve’s clothing and shifted back to his normal self, stopping his husband’s movement with both hands and then grabbing his clothing so he wouldn’t topple backwards from the push.   
Steve opened his eyes. “I hope nobody saw that.”   
Herobrine looked over his mates shoulder. “Uh, sorry to disappoint you, my love…”  
The entire village was standing outside the closest house.   
Croca picked up hir jaw and clapped wildly. After a moment the others joined hir. That is; everyone except Tiddles. The zombie folded his arms and stared at them with a hateful frown. Herobrine resisted the urge to make faces at the undead. He was too relieved to let the zombie’s bad attitude disturb him.   
The witch welcomed them with open arms and Steve and Herobrine were led into the village just as the sun was setting. They had planned on delivering their good news and then going home, but the villagers insisted on at least feeding their courageous, flying heroes. Around the communal fire Herobrine and Steve both took turns telling parts of how they’d defeated the guardians and saved their friend Violet. When they were finished, the villagers swore fealty to them both.   
Steve put his arm around Herobrine and the two scooted closer on the wooden bench. Herobrine responded by flapping part of his cloak over his lover. “It’s wonderful, isn’t it? Another happy village safe under your…” He paused, considering with a smile. “Under OUR wings.”  
Herobrine rubbed the stubble on the corner of his chin, cleaning it away with a hot finger. “You’re a bad influence Steve,” he mumbled, “always dumping responsibilities on this old griefer.”   
Steve knuckled him playfully. “It keeps you honest. You’re just angry at how good you are at actually being mature.”   
Herobrine pretended to gag, and Steve poked him. “Not in front of the Testificates dear.”  
“Ugh. I want to go home.” The god grumbled darkly. “I’m tired of living in a box. We need to work on our house and your brothers deserve a decent place to meditate out of the rain.”   
“True. But look at the moon.” Steve gestured at the full cube near the horizon. It’s almost morning already. We can wait a little longer to walk back. I don’t feel like sleeping or fighting right now.”   
Croca sidled up to them. “I know the others already thanked you formally, but I wanted to talk to you personally before you left. I have a present for you.”   
Herobrine looked at the green witch suspiciously. “That’s very nice of you,” Steve replied sweetly. “What is it?”  
The witch produced a still-warm pie from hir inventory and a piece of paper. The human accepted it, sniffing it curiously. “It’s made with apples,” the witch declaimed proudly. “The page has the recipe. Everybody really appreciated the fruit, but I experimented with it a bit so they wouldn’t get bored.”  
Steve deferred to Herobrine without a second thought, primarily because the god could detect the taste of poison and even eat it without being damaged by it. The griefer chomped down on the corner of it and slurped the crumbs from his chin with his tongue. He nodded enthusiastically, and Steve also gave his approval to the witch with a happy mouthful of apple pie.   
“It’s delicious.” Steve said graciously. “Thank you Croca.”  
“Thank you both for saving our village.”   
“It was the right thing to do,” Steve said confidently. “In several different ways.”   
They heard a snort of derision and realized Tiddles was watching them from a nearby shadow. The zombie spat derisively on the ground and fixed his black, beady stare on Herobrine.   
The griefer touched the witches mind gently, finding hir psychic senses finely developed. ‘Why do you live with him?’ He asked mentally.   
Croca frowned sadly. ‘It beats being lonely. Not everyone is as lucky as you two. Thankfully this village tolerates my presence because I keep the rest of the mobs away, but witches aren’t exactly popular. I get a pass because I’m as good at healing as I am at hexing.’   
Herobrine kept his expression placid, but the words were mean and loud enough that Steve heard them in his head as well. ‘Well, I think he’s a dick. If you ever want me to come kick him out of your village, I’ll take care of that for you.’   
‘I’ll keep that in mind sir. For now though, I think I’ll just say goodnight.’ The witch gave a polite bow and departed with a cheerful wave.   
Steve watched her go, and then started slightly as the griefer poked him gently. “Did you need something my love?”   
“Yeah, just a little bit of sugar from my sweet lamb.”   
The miner blushed sweetly as Herobrine kissed him, and then found the god’s hand under his chin and their lips pressed lovingly together. He let slip the tiniest cheep of pleasure as the griefers long forked tongue wrapped around his own like an amorous snake. The appendage slid wetly up and down as if Herobrine were trying to milk his lovers tongue with his own. Steve leaned in, his eyes sliding closed with happiness as his beloved god made love to his mouth. A warm hand slid under his shirt and he squeaked as fingertips pressed on either side of a nipple, making it rise and harden.   
‘The suns coming up,’ the griefer said in his mind, ‘we should go home.’  
‘Yes, please; before I embarrass myself further.’


	82. A Soggy Offering

The walk through the woods was peaceful in the late morning air. A spider hissed at the lovers as they passed: but scuttled away rather then pick a fight with the glowing griefer and his strange, winged mate.   
Upon reaching the shore Steve hesitated, “I want to fix this while we’re here. I don’t want to get water in my boots and squish all the way home. I assume we’re in no hurry?”  
Herobrine shrugged, “no, do as you like my lamb. I’m sure travelers will appreciate it. Though I’d make it tall enough that anyone on a boat won’t clock themselves coming down the stream.”   
“Good idea.” Steve cast about and spotted a small outcropping of rock. It was too paltry a task for his good pick, so he threw together a stone one from the few cobbles in his inventory and set to work. Herobrine snapped a cane from the riverbank and chewed on the sweet stalk contentedly as he watched his mate.   
Steve picked away the stone with wild abandon, his arm moving almost too fast to see. He glanced back. “You loaf, you just like watching me work.”   
“It doesn’t look like you need any help, and I’m rather enjoying the view of your tight little ass flexing as you work your way along. I appreciate strength just as much as you do. Look at yourself; you move the landscape with the industriousness of an ant and the confidence of a god.”   
Steve wiped a little sheen of sweat from the flat plane of his forehead. “You flatter me too much, I’m only human.”  
“Bah. That’s a lot more to say then you make it out to be. Humans are so rare here, and I guess that’s good; since you seem so adept at shifting the world around you to your liking.” The griefer sauntered up, casting the spent stalk aside. “Here, I’ll help; I’ll make it pretty behind you. Let me have the dirt you pulled up.”  
Steve gave him a skeptical look as Herobrine pulled out his scythe and popped away the layer of stones where Steve had cleared the outcrop. The human tossed him the dirt blocks and his god filled the space with them. Steve resumed picking and Herobrine followed him, smoothing the bare spots over with soft green grass.   
Steve finished and turned to look back. Herobrine was lounging on the fresh greenery and leaned over to fill the last hole with dirt. “Let’s build this little bridge and get going; I have a craving I’d like to fill when we’re safely home.”  
“I can only imagine.”  
Herobrine sat on the sandy shore and watched curiously as Steve leaned his body over at an awkward angle and turned to get at the edge of the blocks underfoot. The miner made his way across, working up and over to the opposite side, then he trotted back over the narrow span and made three more passes with more cobbles.   
The god clapped for him, “that was masterful, you didn’t fall in once.”  
Steve rolled his eyes, “let’s go.”   
As the pair crested the hill they saw an odd sight. Zile had gathered everyone in the village fit enough to fight and was putting them through a martial arts routine. The villagers threw faltering punches and hesitant kicks as a group. Interestingly the whole group seemed slightly out of synch, but it was clear who the couples were; because each pair was in perfect unison.   
“You see it don’t you?” Steve asked quietly.   
Herobrine was staring intently at the villagers below. “Yes I do. They’re so in perfect tune with each other. I wonder if they knew the moment that they laid eyes on their other; that they would be the one?”  
“Just thinking about being in love with someone, but forbidden to show it; it makes me feel ill.” Steve replied. He offered his hand and Herobrine gave it a warm squeeze before letting go.   
“Race you home?” The griefer asked with a grin.  
Steve flexed the elytra, “this ridge is pretty high; I’ll win for sure.” But Herobrine was already teleporting down the road.   
The miner touched down at the base of their hill just as the griefer was getting comfortable on a chair outside.   
“Smarmy so and so.”  
The god just giggled.   
“I have an idea anyway; you stay out here until I say.” Steve admonished.   
“Woof,” Herobrine replied with a smirk.   
The god was vaguely aware of Steve making their room larger, but he focused on picking and replanting the garden to give the enigmatic human some space. The sun crawled across the sky as he waited. Eventually his curiosity got the better of him and he scratched pitifully at the door like a zombie.   
There was a pause and Steve called out, “okay, you can come in now.”   
Herobrine let himself in and closed the door behind him, and it was everything he could do to not run forward with abandon. The god forced himself to approach the delicious sight before him with nonchalance.   
Steve had expanded their room and made it comfortable with the sparse furnishings they’d saved from the flood, a few purple rugs, a small table and a new glass skylight. On the table were some of their toys, and the griefer resisted the urge to drool. But it was Steve himself who held center stage. The miner had arranged the gold blocks from the sea temple into a crude altar and ringed it with dribbles of redstone and red torches that glittered with electricity. He was posed languidly on the shining metal blocks; wearing only the golden thong that matched them.   
The griefer whimpered with want, instantly hard and so desperate he couldn’t decide what he wanted to even do with his precious mate.   
“You look confused my love.” Steve said tentatively, “Is this not what you wanted?”  
Herobrine flashed his body with glitchy fire to clean his clothes and skin. “You are everything I could ever want, but you tear me cleanly in two Steven. Your god wants to greedily take your sacrifice, but your wolf wants only to grovel and lick the perfect fingers of his master.”  
Steve regarded him thoughtfully. “But what does my husband want?”  
“Your love, forever and ever.”  
“It’s yours,” Steve replied without a second thought, “for as long as I exist and maybe even after that.”   
“Then make love to me.” Herobrine said brokenly.   
Steve rose up from the blocks, surprised, but more then willing. He embraced the griefer, touching him gently and helping his strip away his clothes and stow them. They kissed again and again, fumbling with the items on the table until their hands found the slimeballs and the ghast sleeve. Herobrine slid downward, letting his tongue sweep and curl over his lovers nipples and belly. Steve writhed against him as the thong was removed. His lover’s mouth closed over his cock and the human rose up like the sun as the forked appendage wrapped around his rod. Herobrine sucked him long enough to make his knees weak and then slid the white sleeve over his manhood, tying the string in a neat bow above the human’s ass.   
The god crawled up on the altar and pressed his fingers into the center of the slimeball. He greased them generously and reached down. He whimpered as he pressed himself open, twisting awkwardly as he contorted his body in an attempt to force his own hand deeper.   
Steve crawled up next to the curled up griefer. Helping him and holding him steady. “Easy,” he murmured. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”   
"I can't help myself," Herobrine moaned. "I need you so badly. My patience is instantly spent."  
The miner slicked his own hand and spread the green lubricant all over his sleeve. “May have a turn?” He asked sweetly.   
Herobrine drew out his fingers and groaned at the empty feeling they left behind. Steve ran his hands over his shivering double; he cupped the god’s ass with both hands and lifted him easily. Bending his legs up and placing them on the human’s broad shoulders.   
Herobrine’s cheeks were glowing with a blush nearly as bright as his eyes. “My body aches for you, my lamb. Every pixel wants you inside me.”   
Steve had no words to equal the sentiment, so he positioned himself with a broad smile instead, bumping the flat head of his cock against the god’s dripping hole. He wiggled the edges into alignment and slid partway inside. The griefer scrabbled at him, pleading for more, pulling them desperately together until Steve’s cubes were warmly tucked between the gods parted cheeks.   
“Show me your strength my husband,” Herobrine hissed through his sharpened teeth. “Take me.”  
Steve bit his lip; the words were like a pickaxe to a block of TNT. He gathered himself and pulled back a bit before thrusting viciously forward. The guts around him were warm, but he could only imagine the pain if he tried this without the fallen ghast’s protection. Herobrine smoked and twitched under him, his glitch fluctuating wildly as he lost control of his body.   
“Faster!” Herobrine managed to snarl.   
Steve doubled his efforts, plowing the beast that only howled for more and said his name over and over like a prayer.   
The god came like a volcano, and Steve was shocked to actually see the gush that had so often filled his vulnerable body. Herobrine jerked out of control, coming in violent spurts that coated his torso and face in hot, white, slime. The god licked at his own cheeks, his chest heaving with the alien pressure of the cock that was being thrust into his inferno. He cried and begged and shouted his love for Steve to the heavens.   
The human came peacefully inside the sock, letting his orgasm vibrate gently through his every pixel. Herobrine slumped beneath him, and Steve worked himself out and let his husband’s legs down onto the gold. He stood up next to the blocks and regarded the spent god with a loving gaze.  
“How ironic,” Herobrine managed. “I lay here on the altar you made for me, baptized in my own seeds; an offering of myself to myself. Or perhaps... I should be an offering from a follower to my priest instead?” His expression was curious.   
The human only smiled. “You’re a mess Herobrine. But I love you all the more for it.” He offered his elbow to the slimy griefer. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”   
Herobrine lifted himself with a wet sucking noise. “Just throw me in the fire, honestly. At least slime isn’t as sticky and touchie syrup actually tastes good.” The griefer slogged over to his lava pit and let himself slip under with a wet gurgle. He rolled like a whale under the surface, cleaning his body with long strokes of his palms before sitting upright. Steve sat on the edge of the pool with a piece of mutton; he poked a green bamboo shoot through it and held it over the fire. Herobrine slid sideways and let a drip from the meat fall into his open mouth.   
Steve offered him a similar piece of raw meat. “You don’t need the stick, assuming you even want it cooked at all.”   
The griefer waved the flesh over the fiery surface and swallowed it nearly whole.   
“So I was thinking about our new house…”  
Herobrine narrowed his eyes, just enjoying the heat and the lingering taste of blood in his mouth.   
“How are you with… redstone?”  
Herobrine wrinkled his lip; he waved a hand in a noncommittal fashion. “Well, I know a few tricks; mostly I just like the look of the dust and torches themselves. How about you?”   
“I can make automatic doors, simple note-block arrangements; I bet I could make some lamps. But we’d have to go mining; I only have a few blobs of the dust for wires.”  
The griefer shrugged, “I don’t see any reason not to mine; we need stone for the house, coal for the furnace and iron for tools. And I will even forgo the pleasure of watching the sweat roll down your handsome shoulders in favor of helping out.”   
Steve leaned on his hands. He regarded his relaxing double. “That’s good… I… I so wish I could join you in that. I know it would kill me horribly but you relish it so; I end up wanting it anyway.”  
“Hmm… perhaps I can furnish you with a similar experience my lamb, something; non-lethal. Let me think about it.”  
“Do you want to build tonight my love?” Steve asked softly, “or just spend another peaceful night sleeping under our tree?”  
The god yawned, his muscles popping loudly as he stretched. “It makes no difference to me. I’m content to just get some sleep if you are. I’m actually a little afraid of what might happen if we should fall off our perch over the void.”   
Steve gave him a blank look, “it only exists in our minds, doesn’t it?”  
“How do you know that? I can’t say for sure. There are other worlds out there, and not all of them are as horrible as the Nether; though some are surely worse by law of averages alone. We need to treat it like something real until we know for sure.” Herobrine crawled out of the pool and brushed the remaining molten globs off his skin. “But either way, I need rest.” He slid under the red and white sheets and made a space beside him. “Now please clean up and join me.” His tone turned sweet, “I get so cold without my beloved husband beside me.”


	83. Deep in a Mineshaft

Steve walked quietly beside his lover, both enjoying the sounds of the jungle all around them. “Where do you think would be a good place to dig?” He asked, “Can that amazing nose of yours sniff out ores?”  
Herobrine snorted. “No, rocks don’t smell like much. However, there is something slightly amiss here.” Herobrine cast about, tasting the air with his tongue and sniffing. He bolted forward and tore away leaf blocks with his hands. The griefer stepped back to reveal a dark hole in the wall of the ridge. “There you go Steve, a nice cave. I bet no one has been in here for ages, if ever.”   
The miner nervously switched the pick in his hand for a sword. His god gave him a toothy grin and struck a torch into flame. “I’ll go first, my tender little lamb.” Herobrine strode in with confidence and Steve followed, laying a line of torches on the right-hand walls behind him. The path branched and branched again, winding down ever deeper into the earth. Herobrine kept careful watch while Steve picked coal and iron from the walls, but the tunnels were silent. There was only the quiet drip of water on cold stone and the distant squeak of bats that echoed in their ears. The human glanced at his mate, “that’s a scary smile you’re wearing.”   
“Oh… I’m sorry Steve. You’re just a little bit afraid and I can taste it, like the smallest crumb of a cookie. And I was appreciating the irony; I love the darkness that frightens you, but I can only hide in it if I close my own eyes like a terrified child.”   
“Maybe it’s your fate to make yourself so welcome that no one will fear finding you in the dark?”  
The griefer’s expression fell. “Pick your coal Steve.” He said bitterly.   
The human stopped, his brow furrowed. “What’s the matter?”  
Herobrine folded his arms with a frown. “I… I miss my griefing sometimes. It’s cruel; but emotions are very tangible to me. I’m eternally grateful to be freed from the Nether. But I’m also on a permanent diet to keep you safe. I still crave that energy sometimes.”  
Steve looked at him confused, “but you can scare me anytime, easily.”   
The god sighed, “It’s not the same. It doesn’t feel right doing it to you on purpose. I like to startle you, but making you terrified… you don’t deserve it. I love you, and you already take a lot of abuse just for knowing me. What’s even worse is that it’s too easy, you cry and wet yourself and I just feel bad. It’s like kicking a kitten.”   
“Gee, thanks.”   
“Please don’t take that wrong. I care about you more then anyone or anything else. I just wish I had someone to harass who really deserved it.”  
The miner resumed walking, “be careful what you wish for.” Steve fumbled for the proper words. “Look, if our village is a happy, prosperous place to live, we can lead by example. Public opinion will turn in our favor eventually for those reasons alone. But there are always people who will fight progress. Don’t lament because we aren’t at war right now, this fight is far from over and I’m sure they’ll be enemies to grief aplenty. Just try to enjoy this peace while we can.”   
Herobrine kicked a rock with his boot and the cobble popped into his inventory. “I know,” he said with a sulk. “Sometimes I just want to fight, I hate being responsible.”   
“Aww,” Steve rubbed his husband’s shoulder supportively. “Maybe we should do something irresponsible together and take a break from pretending to be two functional adults.”  
Herobrine smiled gamely, “I have some TNT. We could blow something up?”  
“That’s the spirit. Hey, this tunnel is pretty narrow. Would you like to make it much bigger?”  
The griefer smiled like a shark. “Yeah, I would.”   
Moments later the miner and his griefer god were running back up the tunnel giggling uncontrollably. The ground bucked like an angry horse underfoot and the sound of rocks tumbling rent the air. The two picked themselves up and dusted their other off.   
Herobrine tapped his fist against Steve’s, “that was a good one. Let’s see what we uncovered.”  
Down where the cave had dead-ended the human gave a low whistle of appreciation. “That’s a really deep hole.”  
The griefer snorted, “Those are my favorite kinds.” He leaned a little over the edge and let his glowing eyes pierce the inky darkness. Herobrine hissed. “Let’s go back.”   
Steve’s face fell, ‘why so serious all of a sudden? Is it just full of hostile mobs at the bottom? I do hear at least one skeleton and some zombie moans.”  
“No. It’s almost worse then that.” Herobrine turned and walked back the way they came. “It’s just a bad thing that neither of us need. I see gray bricks and a path into the opposite wall at the bottom.”  
Surprised at his behavior, Steve had to trot to keep up with his lover. “I don’t get it. What do gray bricks mean?”  
“It means there’s a fortress buried down there, and I think it should stay buried. Fortresses mean portals to the End. And I doubt you have the desire to challenge a dragon far meaner then the one that made sweet love to you.”   
Steve swallowed in fear. “Yeah, I’ll pass on that,” he replied, trying to stop his voice from betraying the shiver that coursed through his form.  
Herobrine paused and the stumbling human almost walked into him. The god put an arm around his husband and drew him close. “It’s okay my lamb. This world has challenges aplenty without going on a suicide mission. Don’t be ashamed of not being ready or willing to fight anything anywhere.”  
“I’ll fight anyone to protect you,” Steve said in a small voice.   
“I know you would. I couldn’t wish for a better mate.” Herobrine gave a tiny lick to Steve’s cheek and chuckled at his little squeak of surprise. “We found some ores to get us started and enough stone for a new room or two. Let’s call it a night.”


	84. The Witches Wolf

The sun was warm on Herobrine’s face as he dozed on his doting husband’s lap. He realized this was the place he felt most secure; wrapped safely in the protective arms of one who should be the weaker of the two. Steve emitted quiet snores as he also dozed against their tree. Sleepily he carded his fingers through the griefer’s unkempt hair, relishing the sensation of the soft strands brushing against his skin.   
A rhythmic sound caused the griefer to stir, and he felt a tug as if he were being drawn away from the blissful island they shared. With a grumble he burrowed down, wrapping his cloak tighter around himself and sliding an arm around his lover’s thigh. The pounding got louder and Steve also stirred. “I think someone’s actually at our door. Who would be dumb enough to bother us at night?”  
“It better be important,” Herobrine growled.   
The two woke up simultaneously. Steve popped out of bed but Herobrine stayed stubbornly under the covers. Awake, but unwilling to leave the warmth of their blanket. Steve pulled on his pants and stumbled to the door. He threw it open and then slammed it again, his face white with fear.   
“Please let me in,” a gravelly voice said from outside. “I don’t want anyone to see me out here, let alone talking to you. But I have important information for you.”   
“It’s Tiddles,” Steve hissed urgently. Herobrine rolled his eyes and got out of bed, quickly equipping his own shirt and pants. Steve pulled on a shirt and cautiously opened the door again. Tiddles practically pushed him out of the way and shut the door again. The stench was overwhelming in the small space and Herobrine felt his glowing eyes beginning to water.   
The zombie scowled at him. “No need for formalities Herobrine, I know the smell of your ruined creation disgusts you.”   
Steve tried to smile, “what can we do for you?”   
The undead seemed to slump. “I am caught between a rock and a very hard and empty place. So I bring a warning and wish a favor in return.” He took a long, rattling breath.   
“There is a Testificate trying to organize the zombies to strike against you.”  
Herobrine froze, the fear guttered the light in his eyes, and Steve also felt the icy trickle of the unspoken name on the griefer’s lips.   
“I do not know who he is, but he seems a frightening zealot and his eyes are dark as obsidian. His head seems prone to a violent shuddering; so I wonder if he is a glitch as well as a madman. He wants the zombies to bite your people and turn them. Then they will be parted from their lovers and denied a living respawn. Some of the undead decided to follow, but I was able to sneak away. I tell you this because I want you to protect Croca; and the people who depend on hir as yours depend on you. I did not want them to join you for the sake of hir safety. But this is so far beyond me now, I do not know if I can be of use to anyone anymore.” Tiddles spread his arms helplessly. “I cannot bear this existence any longer.” He choked on his words. “Croca will never love me as I am, and I want out.”  
Steve’s lip trembled, he turned to Herobrine and the griefer saw the glitter of tears in the human’s eyes.   
Tiddles spoke so softly it was barely audible. “If god you truly are Herobrine, I want you to destroy me. No more rot, no more respawns. If I cannot live as a man, then tear my code apart and end me.”   
Herobrine’s hands shook as he spoke, “I’m sorry that I can’t actually give you the human life you deserve. But I might be able to change you into something else that is alive. Would that be better then not existing at all?”   
The zombie chuckled darkly. “Fine, I will submit for the first and last time to the will of my griefer god. I accept your offer Herobrine; make me a wolf and I will watch over my witch from hir feet.”  
The god took a deep breath, his eyes flaring like stars as he prepared himself to open the same glitch that had made a raptor of his mate. His fists were haloed with white flames and he approached the zombie with determination. Tiddles gave him a sardonic smile and got down on his knees to receive his creator’s gift.   
Steve put up a hand, “wait! Before you do that; Tiddles… before you give up your tongue again. What is your real name?”  
The zombie gave him a brittle smile. “Tiberius, Father Steve. Thank you for asking.” Then he reached a green and rotten hand upward to touch the fire that clung to Herobrine like a shroud. The light spread to him and twisted his form. He jerked and flamed in gray and white, and his putrid human form curled down into the body of a living, and very silvery wolf. The beast took its first breath of life and seemed to relish the taste of the chilly air. Its warm sides heaved with vital energies and the wolf panted; almost smiling around its fangs. It cocked its head at the strange glowing human above it. The wolf knew in what was left of his fading human mind that there was someone waiting for his return, and that that person must be protected at all costs. But little else occurred to it. It gave a happy bark and ran to the door, scratching to get out.   
Steve walked in a trance forward to open it. He stared down at the wolf, who he was thinking somehow looked more like a dog without a collar. The animal cocked its head in faint recognition and scratched the door pitifully to be released. Behind him he heard the rhythmic clang of Herobrine tapping iron against an ingot. The god reached for the wolf and gave it a tag, with the name ‘Tiber’ emblazoned on its shining surface. Steve forced his trembling hand to open the door and the wolf scampered out into the night, prancing happily back down the road out of the village.   
The miner shut the door and leaned against it heavily. Overwhelmed, he let out the tiniest heart-broken sob. Herobrine turned off his glitch and was at his lover’s side in an instant. He rubbed his doubles back as the human cried bitterly.   
“You are the brightest star in the heavens,” he murmured to Steve, “my perfect angel who loves so much and so freely. I’ll never understand how such kindness grew from my own bitter hearts.”   
Steve’s shoulders shook as he sobbed and Herobrine kissed his hair, tenderly holding him until the stocky miner finally began to calm down.   
He rubbed his puffy red eyes on his sleeve. Herobrine passed him a square of wool and the human blew his nostrils on it noisily. “I feel so guilty,” he managed. “I feel bad about being happy when my brothers are all suffering.”  
“There, there my love, not all of them are so bad off. You’ve made existence much sweeter for your crew. It may feel like a drop in the bucket, but every drop raises the ocean and I’m sure it means the world to each of them.”  
Steve sniffled; his face was a mess, ruddy and scrunched with streaks of tears that still dribbled unchecked from his eyes. “I need to talk to them; they deserve to know that we may be soon pitting brother against brother instead of just shooing them away. Will you call them for me please? I have to sit down.”   
“Anything for my lamb.” Herobrine helped Steve to the edge of the bed and went back to the door alone. He rummaged in their trunk for a pair of femurs they’d found one sunny morning. The griefer stood in the open doorway and snapped the bones in the rhythm that Gold had taught them both. The clacking echoed down the hill and out into the swamp and jungle beyond. Herobrine came back in and put the bones away. It was a matter of moments before Gold rushed in with Tang in tow. They saw Steve’s face and gave Herobrine a suspicious look.   
“It’s not his fault.” Steve said, “But I need to speak with my entire crew.” Gold nodded and repeated the clacking call using hir forearms. Shortly Navy, Cyan, and Violet clattered inside. Herobrine stepped back and the skeletons crowded around Steve. They hugged him as a group, drowning him for a moment in bones and colorful wool.   
He returned their gentle affection with soft words. The griefer settled himself on a wool block and listened to Steve tell his brothers of the threat they faced.   
“If any of you know others that will join on our side, it could mean a world of difference. We have almost twice as many people to defend as last time, and I’ll take any suggestions you have.”   
The dead turned to one another and the lovers watched the intensity with which the skeletons communicated wordlessly with one another. Finally Gold turned back to them and the others fell into attentive poses behind hir. Gold mimed a shield and pointed to Steve and then made a beckoning gesture. Herobrine started to stand up and Gold shook their head no. The skeletons wanted Steve and Steve alone, to come with them.   
Herobrine scowled, “I don’t like that, but I’m betting that my presence might make negotiation difficult?” A lot of skulls nodded in response to his question.   
Violet walked over to the armor stand and removed Steve’s helm and chestplate. The skeleton crowned the human with the fearsome skull hat and passed him the ribs. He’d never felt so nervous donning his own armor before, but he nodded graciously.   
Gold waved for attention and made a ball rolling gesture and then indicated the motions of kitting. “I should bring needles and wool?” Steve translated tentatively. More nodding.   
“Okay. I trust you.” The skeletons seemed to beam in response to their master’s words. “Herobrine? Would you please talk to Hollandaise and Roulade and tell them what going on while I’m gone? We need to speed up Zile’s training sessions and send hir on to Croca’s village. Hopefully I’ll come back with some kind of good news and then we can both speak to the witch.”   
“Do what you need too, and be careful my lamb. I trust your crew, but these are dangerous times we live in.”   
Navy stepped from the crowd of undead and stood attentively next to Herobrine. The griefer looked at the skeleton curiously. “You’re not going?” A shake, and then the skeleton made a motion of running and gestured away and then back again.   
The god thought for a moment. “You want to be my runner to fetch the others?” A nod in the affirmative and Herobrine responded in appreciation. “Thank you, Navy.”


	85. Riders in the Storm

For the sixth time that morning Steve wondered aloud what they were supposed to be waiting for. He was sitting under a small roof he’d erected and covered with a layer of leaf blocks. It seemed to always be raining on this section of the plains biome and today was no exception. Gold, Violet, Cyan and Tang sat around him like a shield of bones and he clutched the iron rectangle Herobrine had hammered out for him. It wasn’t much to hide behind, but it could keep arrows from hitting his most vital parts. Thunder rumbled across the plains and the human wondered if zombie pig-men were common here because of all the lightning.  
Suddenly the skeletons were pulling at him urgently, motioning him to look down the gentle hillside. All alone in the grass a skeletal horse was standing placidly. It swished it’s nub of a tail and nuzzled around in the wet bracken with its bare skull. Steve was struck dumb, he’d never seen a skeletal horse apart from his beloved China, and doubly not one natural spawned. He felt himself rising out of the blind against all logic, drawn to investigate the strange occurrence more closely. The rain had dwindled to a drizzle and his crew lifted not one finger to stop him emerging from the bushes and walking with increasingly quick steps towards the placid beast. As he got within four blocks of the undead horse he was slammed backwards, lightning arched blazingly bright and struck the animal. Steve found himself raising his shield so slowly in the heat of the moment as the horse now had a skeletal rider and seven more horses had also spawned with riders. The bowmen hesitated only a fraction of a second before loosing their arrows. The missiles hit his shield with dull thuds and he pin-wheeled backwards as one of them embedded itself in his knee. He fell to the ground; desperately hiding beneath the tiny shield as arrows fell like rain. All at once; his crew was surrounding him, blocking him with their bodies. The riders paused, lowering their bows in confusion.   
Gold put hirself directly in the path of the one riding the booby trapped horse. Xe clattered their bones and made wild gestures that meant nothing to Steve, and then finally turned away with a satisfied air. The skeleton made an expansive gesture that encompassed all eight of the mounted undead and then pulled at their own sweater and helm in a way that Steve understood intimately. He sensed that his fingers would be utterly raw very, very soon. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine watched Steve leave with a heavy heart. He trusted their little mob to keep his husband safe but it didn’t mean that the griefer wanted to be without his company for any longer then necessary. Navy stayed at attention by his side, and followed along as the god trudged down the dirt road towards town.   
He stopped briefly to visit with Karen and their horses at Alex’s house. Herobrine knocked on her door but there was no answer besides the mewing of cats.   
At the base of the pyramid he found most of the village training with Zile. They’d moved on to wooden swords and sparred eagerly. Hollandaise and Roulade broke away at his approach and rushed to greet him. They noted his sour expression and followed as he beckoned them out of the range of their people’s hearing.   
He turned aside a moment before addressing them. “Navy, can you go ahead and fetch Croca for me, I’m sure I’ll be done here long before xe reaches the village.” The skeleton nodded smartly and walked off at a brisk clip.   
“Is something the matter Herobrine?” Roulade asked tentatively.  
“Yes… Slagathor isn’t dead.”  
Hollandaise gasped and the two Testificates joined hands in obvious consternation.   
“He is planning the assault both villages with zombies. Because it is impossible to kill you all permanently, he plans to turn you undead and thus eliminate the village and separate you from your mates.”  
Hollandaise rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. “Why must they hate us so?” Roulade laced an arm around him, “Its okay Holly. They won’t win. We have Herobrine on our side.”   
The griefer straightened with the force of the Testificate’s convictions. “That may be true, but I can’t do this all on my own either. We should build a wall around the perimeter, and everyone needs to be ready to defend every inch of ground. You will take the offering blocks and melt them; chip them all down for weapons and armor. No hoarding or excuses will be tolerated. I want everyone to have at least a chestplate and a sword. I brought my enchanting table and set it up at the librarian’s house already. Send anyone who has the experience to go use it on their arms immediately. And it didn’t look like everyone was training, where are the rest?”   
Roulade was the one to answer him; “a few showed more prowess with a bow so we sent them to Alexsezia.”  
The griefer nodded sagely. “Good, we’ll need them to fire from the walls. Here…” Herobrine rummaged in his inventory for a stack of cobbles. He focused on the dull grey stones and they flashed in his hands; shading first to pink and then a mottled red. The god passed the stack of glitched netherrack to the stunned villagers. “Lay these around the outside edge of the walls and set them aflame. It will make the dry and brittle dead think twice about battering or climbing. I want you two to begin laying a wall. If you can’t do it alone, recruit those who have already shown they can fight and don’t need the practice as badly. For now just do three blocks high with a fence at the top and a ridge to walk on at the second block from the ground. Take this.” Herobrine dumped stacks of stone from his inventory and a full stack of uncut logs. “Hurry now, I still have to speak with Croca and Zile.”  
The Testificates nodded gravely. “It will be as you wish Herobrine.” They gathered the supplies and hurried away. The griefer watched them go and went back to the training area.   
He motioned for Zile to break away and join him.  
“Zile,” he said softly. “I have a question and I need an honest answer.”  
The Testificate twisted their scarf in discomfort. “You are my god now. I would not dare lie to you.”  
“Good. I need to know… if we are attacked, are they ready?”  
The small Testificate swallowed nervously. “I guess it depends on the skill of the attacking force. I’m confident they could beat a Wither because they’d swarm it like ants and kill it with a thousand tiny blows. Wild animals wouldn’t stand a chance either. What are we facing sir?”  
“Zombies. Perhaps a lot of them.”   
The villager brightened. “I think they could handle that.”   
“Excellent, can I pull you away? Or do our people still have more to learn?”  
The Testificate rubbed their bald head in thought. “I think they can manage. They’ll learn a lot at this point just by fighting with each other. What would you have me do?”   
“I need you to go to the witch’s village by the river and teach the fisherman how to fight. They are also under my protection now, and I would prefer not to drag them away from their homes. I’m meeting Croca soon and I’ll send you back with hir if you’re ready to go.”  
Zile’s lip twisted. “A witch sir? Is that wise? They run with the same mobs who attack us nightly.”  
Herobrine grinned at his own cleverness, “all the more reason to want their favor Zile. Croca is a skilled maker of potions and hir people have already sworn their loyalty as you have.” He gave the youth a gentler look, “It’s only for a few days and it may save their lives. They are a normal village apart from their leader and I won’t see them destroyed for their loyalty. Just come back as soon as you think they’re ready to defend themselves.”  
“Yes sir. I’m… ready to depart when you are.”  
Herobrine patted Zile’s shoulder steering them gently back out onto the road. “Thank you for trusting in me Zile. I swear I’ll do my best to keep everyone safe.”   
The monk walked alongside him in silence and the two climbed the ridge and looked down at the land spread below. The crystal waters of the river glistened under the new bridge and the path snaked back into the trees and disappeared. Far away they heard the bustle of the other village; the sound of hammers tapping metal and wood echoing across the vast space below.   
Navy emerged smartly from the woods with Croca in tow. The pale green witch was followed by a wolfish white hound that bounded merrily around her feet. Herobrine swallowed the hard lump that had formed in his throat. He soothed himself with the thought that the former zombie seemed to have no memory of being undead or even human.   
Croca stopped to pet the dog lovingly and the griefer hardened his expression to not betray his true feelings. The unlikely trio made their way across the little bridge and up the hill. Navy came to attention and took up a place by the god’s side.   
The witch was right behind and stopped to catch her breath from the steep climb. The dog bumped up under her hand and she rubbed his ears gently. She smiled and turned to the god who stood so stiffly, before noticing the monk behind him.   
The intensity of the glare xe shot at Zile was staggering. And the little monk returned the horrible look. Both seemed to be muttering under their breaths.   
Herobrine inserted himself between the two of them and made introductions. He quickly explained that their village was being targeted and that Croca’s own people might be in danger for siding with them. He revealed his intention to send Zile with hir to train their people and the witch looked openly disgusted.  
“Must we accept this blasphemous monk of Notch amongst us, Herobrine?”  
The griefer’s brows furrowed. “Zile is no longer a monk of Notch, xe follows me now. And what they know of fighting could save your people many messy deaths. You say you are loyal to me, prove it. Take Zile among you, treat them as you would me.”  
The witch gritted hir teeth, “yes Herobrine.”  
Suddenly Zile was tugging on his cloak, “Herobrine! Sir! Look at that!”  
The god strained his glowing eyes and saw a pack of skeletal riders rounding the bottom of the ridge coming back from the plains. Steve’s crew walked beside their mounted brothers and each rider was kitted out in a colorful jumper and a leather hat. He could see a figure dressed in white and blue slung like a sack of potatoes over the saddle of one of the undead horses. He ran down the hill in a blind panic, more then ready to destroy the undead for hurting his Steve. Gold met him partway, waving their hands to break his pitiless glare at the riders. Herobrine cried out in his mind and received a weak response from his husband.   
A skeleton in a pale gray sweater was guiding the skeletal horse Steve was laying across and backed away quickly as the irate griefer reached for his mate. “Ow.” Steve complained weakly as Herobrine helped him down.   
‘Did they hurt you my lamb?!’ The god asked in his mind.   
‘Initially yes, but my crew talked them down.' The human held up his hands, they were an angry red and obviously paining him. ‘I traded them sweaters for loyalty. They will follow my instructions and yours as well.’  
Herobrine held his lover close. ‘What happened to your hands?’   
‘I think my wool-binding may be a type of glitch after all. I’ve never done that much kitting in one sitting. They hurt me with arrows and that healed, but my hands still feel burnt.’  
The god nuzzled the human’s hair unabashedly. ‘My sweet lamb, your muscles are likely just cramped from repetition. But I think I know something that will soothe the hurt away.’  
Herobrine let Steve down gently onto a nearby dirt-block and addressed the gathering directly. “Navy, will you please take five of our new friends and escort them; Zile and Croca back to hir village? Gold please take the rest and show them around the area, and put them on a patrol rotation with the rest of our crew. I want you all to stay mostly around the village, so use the temporary area in the pyramid to rest. I’ll clack the bones again if I need you. Understood?” Herobrine was faced with a sea of nodding heads. “Good, you’re all dismissed.”


	86. Roll in the Mud

Herobrine steered Steve into a chair before shutting the door to their house. The human sat back heavily, letting his weary arms dangly limply at his sides. He watched as Herobrine fed a glistering melon slice and some gunpowder into the brewing stand.   
“I could just pour this on you,” he said conversationally. “But I thought of a way to fulfill your request to join me without risking injuring you.”   
Steve blinked slowly. “I’m up for anything, I feel terrible. Everything from my fingers up to my shoulders is just red hot pain.”  
“I’ll fix that soon enough my lamb.”  
The human watched mystified as Herobrine broke a foursquare hole in the floor and dug it three blocks deep. He poured the first layer with a single bucket of lava, and then he made the second layer out of glass. Then he laid three blocks of dirt and tilled them with his fingers before pouring the last hole full of water. Herobrine took his cloak off and pushed his sleeves high onto his shoulders. The griefer knelt on the floor and used his glitch to break the dirt-blocks into pixels before stirring them into the water block. With mucky fingers he retrieved the splash potion from the stand and cracked the bottle like an egg. The glowing fluid mixed into the hole full of mush and turned it red. It began to bubble and smoke tiny red spirals into the air. The god looked satisfied and rinsed his arms before turning to his confused mate.   
“Mud?”   
Herobrine gave him a lopsided grin “with something extra, just trust me.”   
“I’m too hurt to care, do what you want.”   
“So I shall…” The human put up no resistance as his lover stripped him of his clothes. Herobrine took Steve down to just his thong and then stopped. He picked his husband up gently and set him on the edge of the hole. The miner jerked as his feet touched the mud. It was slippery and unexpectedly warm. He wiggled his toes in it as his double sat on the floor to keep an eye on him.   
“Go ahead, get in, it’s only one block deep, and the lava is low enough under the glass not to burn you.”  
Steve quirked an eyebrow at Herobrine; who only watched him eagerly. “Oh fine. But I think you just want to make another mess.”  
“I have only your best interests at hearts, Gods honor.”   
The human let himself down into the muck reluctantly. It was warm and thick and oozed into every crevice save the ones protected by the tiny thong. He felt himself heating up in a pleasant way, and realized that the griefer had added a splash healing potion to the mud. He slipped down to his neck and sighed as the magick penetrated every pixel; washing away all his soreness. Steve sighed in relief, “I feel like a filthy little pig, but I don’t hurt anymore. Errrgh. I’m torn, this is so gross but it’s also making me feel so damn good.” Steve lifted a messy hand and scraped the mud away. “The redness is gone too. This is a Nether of a way to absorb a splash potion.” He squirmed in the sludge, uncomfortably hard. “Is this how it feels for you?”   
Herobrine was lying on the floor with his chin in his hands. “Yep. It’s lovely warm and slimy muck that gets in every crack and angle and fills me with warmth and health to spare. I’m glad I could share something close to the experience with you. Actually… do you mind if I join you?”  
Steve laid his head back on the cobbles, “it was your idea, there’s no way I’m going to stop you.” He heard the soft clunk of Herobrine’s armor hitting the stand and closed his eyes to await his lover.   
A sudden squeal rent the air and he tried in vain to leap out of the hole as a fat shape tackled him. Panicked, he wrestled with the creature on top of him before pushing it away in frustrated disgust. Steve folded his arms in aggravation, “really?”   
Across from him, a muddy pig rolled over with a ‘reek reek’ sound like a belly laugh. Its glowing eyes glistening with mischief.   
“Not nice,” Steve said sourly. The pig’s ears drooped with shame and Herobrine untwisted himself back into a human shape.   
“I just thought it would be funny,” he said quietly. He wiped the splatters of hot mud from his face.   
Steve gave him a small smile, shaking his head. “Jokes on you, I just wanted you to change back.”   
“What?” And Herobrine snapped back as the miner mashed a glob of mud into his hair. Grinning wickedly he grabbed at the slippery human who giggled as he squirmed away. The two scrabbled at one another, throwing mud and grappling for a firm hold on slimy skin. Steve tried to crawl out but Herobrine pulled him back into the gooey hole. They rolled and came up sputtering. Then the griefer made a break for it; but pulled up short with an embarrassing squeal. In his haste to change back; he’d left a tiny twist of a tail that the human now had a firm grasp on.   
The god turned pink with embarrassment, “okay I give. You win, just let go of that.”   
Steve released him and sank back down into the mud. He had hardly an inch of clean skin but his grin was unmistakable.   
Herobrine brushed the tiny tail away into pixels that vanished before they hit the floor. He looked almost pathetic, defeated, sweaty, and thoroughly covered in mud that dribbled off his naked body like candle wax. The griefer looked at his disheveled state and his mouth curved into a small frown. “So much for whatever dignity I had left; caught by my own little piggy tail. How humiliating.”   
“Aww. I’m sorry. You look so sad.”  
Herobrine let his lip quiver just the tiniest bit. His shoulders were stooped and a glob of mud slipped out of his hair and splattered against the floor.   
“Okay, don’t do it on purpose. Come here.” Steve crawled out of the muddy pit, sloughing the worst of the dirt off with his hands. He wrapped his arms around Herobrine and chuckled as the griefer cracked a shy smile.   
The sound of stone heels hitting the doorstep made them both turn abruptly and the filthy lovers were greeted with a brief glimpse of Alex’s surprised face at the small window in it. The archer turned away and Steve ran for the door. He peeked his head out, using the door to shield the rest of his body.   
“Alex! Wait! Is something the matter?” The archer was sitting on a pumpkin with her quartz boots daintily crossed. She gave him a critical look with a grin attached.   
“I just had something new for Herobrine to look at. It can wait until you’re done; doing… whatever the Nether it is you’re doing.”   
Steve realized how he must look and blushed deeply. “I assure you it was totally innocent this time.”  
Alex pulled out a book, “sure it was Steve.” She gave him a dismissive wave. “Take your time. I can wait.”  
Steve shut the door and stood there a moment, dribbling wet dirt pixels onto the carpet. He slogged back to where his husband was standing. “Well. Now it’s my turn to be embarrassed. So I guess we’re even.”   
Herobrine’s smile was radiant. He laughed softly. “Thanks for playing in the mud with me. I think it was worth it for the horrified look on her face.”   
Steve rolled his eyes and shoved the griefer towards his lava pool. Herobrine slipped in and watched his double peel off his sodden gold thong and toss it in the water before getting in himself. His god observed him like a sea monster, almost entirely submerged. Not wanting Steve to see the sinful look of delight he was sporting watching his husband aggressively scrub every pixel of dirt from his skin.   
The human looked at him, “creeper.”  
“Sssssssss BOOM,” Herobrine replied. “Well… you’re right. I guess I could be more forward about it…” He crawled over the dividing cobbles and scooped up his squirming mate. The griefer tossed the human over his shoulder and spread his cheeks with both hands. He massaged the miner’s star with his fingertips and felt his double melt into his grasp. “I just want to make sure you didn’t miss any spots while you were cleaning up.” He said conversationally. Steve groaned lowly as Herobrine adjusted his grip. He slung one of the human’s legs over his head and seated the miner with his rapidly hardening cock right in front of his god’s mouth. Herobrine slurped the generous peg between his lips and felt Steve curl like a hat over his head as he was sucked. He was rocking as much as the griefer would allow as fingers worked their way into his vulnerable and already gaping guts. Herobrine let go of Steve’s cock and the miner whimpered and shifted as if to thrust it back in. “Easy now, I’ll bite you if you poke me in the eye.” Steve froze at the thought and the griefer nudged his rod upwards and regarded the human’s soft cubes underneath. He licked them with his forked tongue and his mate cried out softly for more.  
“You just want to make me scream where Alex can hear it,” he gasped.   
“It hadn’t really occurred to me,” Herobrine answered him smoothly, “but that does sound like a worthy goal.” Steve kicked his feet softly against the gods back as Herobrine sucked one soft cube and then the other into his mouth and kneaded them with his thin lips. He grinned around his mouthful as Steve squirmed in pleasurable frustration. He was balanced on Herobrine’s shoulders and the griefer was slowly tipping him backwards, forcing him down onto the soft spike of fingers that were twisting inexorably into his anus. Steve thumped his fists helplessly on Herobrine’s back. He needed more and was unable to rub himself against his lover. Finally he sighed in relief as his husband changed grips and swallowed Steve’s cock down to the square root. The human felt chilly air in places that never saw daylight as the fingers probed him deeper and he writhed in ecstasy on the shoulders of his god.   
Herobrine sent some deliciously evil thoughts into the reeling mind of his mate. ‘Ah little lamb, it makes me so hot to see you struggle against my strength. Your hopeless determination gives my griefer hearts life. But you can never win.’  
Steve’s cheeks flushed magenta; the words were like a spark on gunpowder. He cried out, “Then I surrender! Conquer me!”   
‘That was done the moment this wolf got you in his grip. You are mine to use as I please.’   
The words were like a hot tongue licking the shaft of his very soul. Steve came with a submissive wail, and the griefer swallowed around him as he wiggled and struggled to catch his breath. He fell forward and then jerked a second time as Herobrine poked his tongue into the tiny square belly button in front of his nose. The griefer worked a single finger deeper into his ass as he trembled and pushed it roughly on the human’s prostate.   
Steve cried out louder the second time, and flopped in a way that forced the griefer to catch him before he hit the water. He practically leaped as the now chilly water touched the inside of his widened hole. The miner scrabbled out of the tub and collapsed on the floor. Herobrine joined him and rubbed his back as the human’s ribs heaved up and down.   
“You’re so cruel,” he wheezed.   
“Why? I made you come twice.”  
Steve winced, his tone low and conspiratorial. “Now I’m all spread out and I feel so empty without your cock inside me.”   
Herobrine’s face heated up instantly; his own neglected dick now firmly at attention. “Okay, but quickly. I don’t want it to get dark while Alex is sitting outside. That’s too rude.”


	87. Angry Wine And Bad Dreams

Alex found herself listening unconsciously to the carnal noises that emanated from the house. She shook her head in wonderment. At least it was a good sign that the two were still very much in not just love; but lust as well. The sound of flesh striking flesh was loud even outside. Herobrine mercilessly pounded Steve’s tender ass like a man pumping water as their bed banged violently against the wall. Finally the miner’s pitiful cries tapered off into a shuddering groan. There was a soft sound of clothing rustling and Herobrine emerged from the house looking like a satisfied cat. Steve followed him more slowly, his legs slightly bowed as if he’d been riding a horse. The god guided him down onto a bench before kissing his hair and approaching the ginger-haired woman.   
He cracked his knuckles, “so what did you have for me Alex?”   
She shut her book and put it away. “Well, Mousse and Squrl were headed up here all upset and I agreed to take their burden for them so that I could conduct some tests on it. I have the syrup the touchies made from the acacia wood block and I’ve already made alcohol from it. It isn’t much straight from the hive; just a clear fluid that tastes like sugar. But the fermented version is something else entirely.” She brandished the bottle of clear liquid and Herobrine took it from her. “Since you’re immune to poison I thought it would be safest to let you test it first.”  
The griefer regarded the archer, “that’s a tad heartless, but I’ll grant you it makes sense.” He shrugged. “Bottom’s up.” Herobrine lifted the bottle to his lips and took a long pull of the clear fluid.  
Steve snapped to attention, watching his husband closely for any ill effects. The griefer's hand shook and he abruptly smashed the glass in his fist. His glitch overheated in a matter of moments and his body flamed with white light. Steve and Alex were both rising to go to him as he threw himself backwards, gracefully twisting to fall on all fours. Herobrine panted and coughed, he was losing control of his temper for no reason and it frightened him. His form was twisting into the physical manifestation of his rage, but there was no pain, and he felt the hesitation and fear from the humans on either side of him wash over his mind. Herobrine gave a frustrated yell; there was no target or reason for the insane amount of anger that filled his being. He pounded his fists into the dirt and threw the blocks aside; digging like a mole into the soft loam of the yard. When he’d fallen too low to leap out; he let himself lose control, punching and kicking and clawing wildly at the dirt walls all around him. The god was dimly aware of the terror-stricken humans watching him, and calling out to him in concern. Alex was holding Steve back from jumping into the hole. The griefer let himself flop down onto the dirt, fighting to catch his breath as the rage drained away as quickly as it had come.   
And then Steve was there, having wiggled free from the archer’s grasp. The human was all over his slumped form, kissing and petting and checking him for injuries. Herobrine smiled sadly as the skin crawled back over the split that lifted the top of his head like an enderman to bare all his ferocious teeth.   
“What happened?” Steve wailed. “Is it some kind of poison? Or a healing potion that hurt you?!”   
“I’m not sure,” The griefer said slowly. His back crackling as his curved and elongated spine straightened back out.   
Alex descended down the hole with the aid of a shovel, leaving a rough stair of blocks behind her. “Since when are you such a mean drunk?” she asked.   
“I’m not.” Herobrine insisted. “It just made me too hot all of a sudden; I got really mad for no reason at all. The good news is that it kept my muscles loose, so swelling up like that didn’t hurt this time. But I think if it would have had a longer effect I would have shredded my own clothes trying to cool down.” Herobrine flexed his blackened fingers as they shrank back to normal. “If there is any more of that, I beg you; don’t drink it. It made my hearts beat too fast and slightly out of synch. It might actually kill a human being.”   
“There are two more bottles” Alex said gravely. She pulled them out of her inventory. The griefer gestured and she passed them over.   
“I’ll hide them,” Herobrine coughed, and put the bottles in his inventory. “Just in case we ever need to assassinate someone.”   
Steve’s eyes were misty as he cradled Herobrine and petted his hair. The god took his hand and kissed it softly. “Sorry to worry you both.”   
Alex put her hands on her hips. ‘How about the next time I give you something to try you don’t chug the entire bottle? That’s what got you in trouble last time too.” Both the lovers turned bright pink at the memory of being drunk and stuck together with touchie syrup.   
Herobrine shook his head, “I just feel like I need to take a maximum dose of anything new to make doubly sure it’s safe for you two. It would take a lot to damage me seriously and with a normal respawn now; I’m functionally immortal. Glitching things is iffy work.” The griefer sat up in Steve’s arms and laced his fingers with his doubles. “The touchies are unnatural, what they make doubly so and putting it through a third process… I have no idea what kind of horrors or glories that could potentially create. That’s why I won’t glitch ingredients for potions. Food is easy, it’s just one step. I know it’s stupid and risky, but I’m trying to protect… my best friends.” He concluded softly.   
The god’s eyes were downcast and so did not see them coming for him, he jumped slightly as arms encircled him. The warmth of Steve’s love and Alex’s friendship washed over his tattered soul like a healing potion, and pulsed through every pixel in his form. His lip trembled as they hugged him. Alex noticed the griefer was gnashing his teeth a bit and rocked back on her knees. She cocked her head, “are you okay?”   
Herobrine nodded yes, but his eyes were squeezed shut. His mouth was open slightly as if he was in pain.   
“May I?” Steve asked softly.   
His double nodded.   
“Is it still too much?” Alex asked.   
“Yes. Your caring is special to him because he had to work to earn it.”   
The griefer finished his lover’s thought aloud, “you know, I always thought fear was the most powerful of emotions because of the taste, but just being liked by someone who once hated and feared you is like trying to drink an ocean.” Steve smiled radiantly as Herobrine allowed the human’s hands to guide him to his feet. As they climbed out of the hole in the yard, Alex looked around while Steve filled in the pit.   
“What’s wrong with your pumpkins?”  
Herobrine’s gaze followed her pointing finger and he barked in surprise. In the fading light the small garden was aglow. Steve looked up, “hey! They sprouted!” He rushed over and plucked one from the vine. It shrank in his hands and he turned it over in wonderment. “So pretty”, he murmured.   
Steve plunked the ghostly white pumpkin next to their front door and it continued to glow with a soft white light. He patted the vegetable happily. “Organic glowstone!”   
Alex grinned. “Another glitch Herobrine?”   
“No,” he said haughtily. “Steve and I found one in a wrecked ship under the sea temple. And I’m actually surprised the seeds we scraped out were still good. Who knows how long it was sitting down there? What do you know about the guardians Alex?”  
She twisted her lip, “not much really. It’s odd, I’d never heard of them before and then suddenly all the Testificates were acting like they’d been around for centuries. Though it might just be me... It’s not like I’ve ever explored a bit of ocean floor and then came back and found an ancient temple on the same spot later. I think you’re both lucky neither of you got cursed. The big gray ones can give you mining fatigue. It makes you super weak and vulnerable for a while.”   
Steve swallowed hard, “yeah, I’m not going swimming again any time soon. I had enough water to last me several respawns.”   
Alex snorted and there was a moment of pregnant silence, it was like the three suddenly felt a compulsion to look towards the reddening sun as it slid under the horizon. “Do you think they’ll attack tonight?” She asked tentatively.   
“I hope not,’ Herobrine replied grimly, “I doubt the Testificates are completely done with the town wall already. We just have to hope that our bony brothers can fend off any sudden assault long enough for us to respond.”   
“You have my bow,” Alex bravely declared, “and I live closer to town then you do. Tell you what, if we are attacked; I’ll shoot out one of your windows. I can easily hit one from my roof. That should be loud enough to wake you both.”   
“Thank you,” Steve said sincerely. “But we’re also going to need netherwort. People are invariably going to get hurt and we’ll need healing potions. How much do you have?”   
“Half a stack at best, and only four soul sands to grow more. What about you?”   
“We have a full stack but no soul sand.” Herobrine threw up his hands; “I only had ten when I arrived in this world. Things get lost along the way.”  
Steve hung his head, “we’re not ready for this at all. I don’t want to lose these people. I… I don’t even want to fight my brothers anymore. I feel sorry for them.”   
Herobrine gave his husband a look that was equally full of sadness and hope. “I know it hurts you, but you have to protect yourself. They won’t hesitate to kill you and everyone you love. Just please don’t blame me for their pain my lamb, I did my best. I had no way of knowing things would turn out like this.”   
“I don’t blame you; I know how much you put yourself through for me. I just… hurt so much inside when I think about what they’re going through.”  
Herobrine’s countenance was painted with the saddest frown Alex had ever seen. He cuddled Steve desperately, trying to soothe the human who only curled deeper into his husband’s embrace.   
Alex aimed the loudest thought she could project at Herobrine. ‘Take him to bed. I’ll keep an eye on things.’   
The eyes barely flickered but she knew it had been received. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Steve watched the sun slip under the edge of the tiny floating island. His eyelids drooped. He didn’t feel tired, and he could sit here all night watching the sky and still wake from the shared dream perfectly rested. Herobrine lay in his lap, entirely asleep. Most of him was curled up on the soft grass, but his arms and head were draped artfully over Steve’s crossed legs.   
The human ran his fingers through the god’s soft brown hair. So like his own, but forever resistant to any effort its owner might make towards it laying flat. Herobrine stirred softly, emitting tiny contented snores. The stars wheeled overhead and the sun rose up from behind them. But it didn’t seem to be getting any lighter. The sun was a reddish coin on the surface of a swiftly clouding sky. Steve huddled closer to the tree that sheltered them. If it rained they would remain mostly dry.   
The human’s skin prickled with static, and he hoped desperately that lightning would not strike their only tree. He was feeling a growing sense of unease, as if they were being watched.   
He whispered as fiercely as he could manage, without waking his lover. “I don’t know for sure who you are and I don’t care. I may just be a tiny weak human, but I won’t let you hurt my Herobrine.” The ugly feeling was growing in intensity now and Steve was acutely aware of how precarious their position was on the tiny island. He pulled a ball of wool from his inventory and looped out long strands around them, swiftly binding them to the tree as if they were caught in a colorful spider’s web.  
A deeper darkness seemed to be forming behind the clouds, and he got the impression of eyes, horribly large and peering into the depths of his code. It occurred to Steve that he didn’t even have a stick to back up his threat to fight whatever was creeping up on them. The air pressure was increasing by the second and his heart raced as he tried to think of a solution. Suddenly he realized that he had one option here that didn’t exist in their reality. It was an ugly maneuver that would leave him feeling sick, but Herobrine had already suffered so much for him that he would gladly endure it to keep them safe and together.   
Steve growled, low and mean, remembering the alien shape that had imprisoned him. He felt his teeth sharpen, his mouth opening the top of his head like a furious ender. He pushed harder, struggling against the form and weight of his own human soul.   
The gaze seemed to draw back suddenly in surprise and then advance even closer, to see the tiny; and increasingly strange-looking creature that challenged it. Steve gnashed his teeth, he was still mostly human. But he curled clawed fingers protectively around his mate. Herobrine whimpered in his sleep and rolled over in the woolen strands, turning his back on the looming presence and burying his face in Steve’s soft belly. He laced his arms around his husband’s waist and burrowed down as much as he was able.   
Steve felt his big toes slide back along the angles of his feet and form wicked sickle claws. He pulled them back, ready to lash out with tooth and nail at the first thing to come in range.   
The clouds were gathering now, coalescing into a thick fog that was solidifying against the farthest edge of their perch. The ground under them shuddered and began to tilt as though the fog were pulling the edge down like a seesaw. Steve wrapped himself against Herobrine and prayed that the wool binding them would hold fast as it had done to the Wither. The griefer whimpered in his sleep as Steve’s claws pricked his skin.   
Steve pressed down his own fear to whisper soothing words to his mate even as the land under them tilted at an unnatural angle and he started to feel the bite of the wool strands wrapped around him. “Shhhhh, just sleep, my love; your Steve will keep you safe.”  
He felt the movement of the griefer’s lips against his stomach. “Safe…” Herobrine murmured. “Thank you.”  
Steve’s eye pricked with tears as the island tilted vertically, and it was all he could do to keep Herobrine in the same pose as they hung suspended by wool over the yawning void. There was nothing below, but it felt like there was. It was nothing as prosaic and deadly as lava, or spikes, or even an open mouth; just a crushing sense of emptiness beyond expression by numbers, or blocks, or even emotions. He imagined this must be how it was in the beginning, just a tiny speck of a seed; a glimmer of light in an endless void of non-existence. And he felt that if he fell he would fall long enough to forget his own name and pray for death to just take him anywhere that there was something besides his own suffering.   
Steve shivered in mortal terror, begging anyone, anything; to just wake them up before they could fall. He could feel his limbs getting numb holding up his lover’s weight as the threads cut into his skin.


	88. Night of Zombies

A shattering noise caused both the lovers to leap out of bed. An arrow was still vibrating gently in the wall opposite the door. Its tiny window was smashed from the missiles entrance. Herobrine was standing, but still half-asleep. He blinked in the darkness and his glow fell on Steve’s haggard face.   
The human hesitated for a moment in the griefer’s bright stare.   
“You had a nightmare this time.”   
He nodded, trying not to cry at how frightened he’d been. Herobrine gathered his husband into his arms. “You stood up for me, didn’t you?”   
Steve nodded against his shoulder.   
“I don’t deserve you at all. My angel.” The god kissed him tenderly. “Come on. Our friends need us now. We’ll talk about it later, if you want too.”   
The two separated reluctantly and helped one another on with their armor before rushing outside. Silver galloped up the path on their skeleton horse and beckoned wildly.   
“Just go!” Steve called out. “We’ll be right behind you!” The air fled his lungs in a whoosh as Herobrine grabbed him from behind and teleported them. The land snapped into place and vanished again and again as he hopped across the landscape like an enderman in the rain. When he hit the village; Steve stumbled out of his loosened grip and almost fell. Hollandaise and Roulade were shirtless under their armor and gestured their people to defend parts of the walls as the zombies stumbled into fires and battered at the gates. The air was alive with arrows as Alex, Navy, Tang and several Testificates stood high on the slope of the dirt pyramid and fired into the mobs at the gates. Groups of villagers stabbed at the zombies that crowded the two gates; jabbing them with swords as they clamored and moaned.   
Herobrine turned to his lover. “I know you don’t want too, and I’ll understand if you refuse but we need to go outside the walls. We’re stronger then they are, and can clear out a lot of this shambling mob with no help at all. The creepers will target us and I don’t want the normal night mobs making a hole in the wall just because they sense us in here.”  
Steve swallowed hard, but he drew out his enderpearl sword. The green shards within it glinted in the torchlight and Herobrine smiled grimly. He flipped his scythe into his empty hand. Tungsten raced up to them, huffing excitedly. “Herobrine, Father Steve, I have something for you, I’m sorry I only had enough materials to make one.” The muscular villager brought forth a shield and held it up for inspection.   
Herobrine nodded, he opened his left hand and it blackened with the unholy heat of his glitch as his fingers elongated into wicked, claw-like shapes. “Give it to Steve; I need to keep one hand empty.”   
The human took the shield with a kind thank you and felt himself whoosh through the air as the griefer teleported them into a tree outside the walls. Herobrine crouched like an animal at his side and looked at the mob below. “I wonder where Slagathor is? You’d think he’d want to at least watch the attack. Dirty traitor and a coward too” he growled viciously. “Well we should get to work knocking out some of his army. A vicious enough death might make them want to reconsider where their loyalties should lie.”   
Steve’s mouth was set in a hard line. “Let’s just get this over with.”   
“As my lamb desires; so shall it be.” The god leaped gracefully from his leafy perch and hit the ground with so much weight and force it sent a small shockwave for blocks around him.   
Steve followed more cautiously, taking out leaves below him to shorten his fall. Herobrine seemed to be dancing. He pirouetted through the crowd of reaching hands, his blade like a black slice of night itself. Blood fountained in a spray of red and brown pixels. It soaked his cloak and splattered across his golden armor. He cut with his left hand and bits of zombie went flying as the red-hot claws sliced them cleanly from their owners and even cauterized the wounds as they did so.   
Steve hit the ground with a thud and the undead were instantly upon him. He battered them with his new shield. Pushing them back and stabbing at them with his sword. It wasn’t long before the miner had lost all semblance of coherent thought. There were only the hands that reached for him, and him cutting them off, but there were always more to take their place. At some point he realized he was screaming as he fought.   
Herobrine made one circuit of the small village; the walls had been completed just in time. They wouldn’t keep spiders out and enderman would go right through them, but it was good enough for zombies. The people cheered him on as he blew past the fighters at the gates leaving blood and fallen foes like cut grass in his wake. When he was nearing where he’d started, he heard Steve’s bellowing voice above the moans of the zombies.   
The human was standing in a ring of bodies that littered the ground like kindling. Most of the undead had been defeated, but there were still stragglers homing in on the lone fighter.   
Steve was screaming at the top of his lungs as he battled and the words made Herobrine freeze in shock. The man was apologizing; over and over, as loud as his voice would bear. His face was gritted in determination, but also streaked with tears.   
A zombie came up behind Herobrine and the griefer sliced its belly open with his scythe without ever taking his glowing gaze from his double. Herobrine approached his husband, carefully staying out of range in case he was still blind with battle rage. Steve came out of his fit as he heard the soft tones of his god calling him. The last few zombies were making a beeline for the trees as the sun peeked over the horizon.   
The human looked down sadly as the bodies around him caught fire and disappeared. “Did we win?”   
“I don’t think they managed to breach the gates,” the griefer replied smoothly. “So casualties are hopefully minimal. I’ll answer you with a yes for now.”  
“I feel so dirty.”  
“Well you are covered in zombie blood and probably no small amount of sweat.”  
Steve shook his head sadly, “no, dirty in my soul. I hate hurting them when I know how much they’re already suffering.”   
Herobrine smiled kindly on his lover, taking his hand to lead him back to the closest gate. “You’re too perfect for even this beautiful world.”   
The villagers parted gratefully to let the warriors inside. Alex was already racing down the hill when she saw the sun rising. The skeletons clattered out from their posts as well to gather in the center of the town. Roulade approached them with downcast eyes.   
“Did we lose anyone?” Herobrine asked grimly.   
His voice was small as he replied. “Seven of us were bitten; they turned very quickly into zombies. Squrl and Drilby, Moontie and their mate Piethon and three of the refugees that came with Zile. We think they may have tried to escape when the attack happened because we found them wandering just outside the gates once it started getting light out. Moontie got bit in the initial attack because he ran to make sure the entrances were secure and then bit his mate before he could be contained. We trapped them in a pen in the pyramid for now.” He gazed up at the griefer’s stricken expression. “We look to you now for guidance. What would our king have us do with them?”  
Alex sidled up quickly, “villager zombies can be cured. It’s very difficult though. It may take a long time to gather the materials.”   
The human gestured for his skeletal crew to gather around him. He put a gentle hand on Violet’s shoulder. “Can you communicate with the zombies?” The purple garbed skeleton waved a hand back and forth in a non-committal way. “I’m putting you in charge of the turned villagers. They’re probably very afraid right now, and I need you to keep them calm. Let them know we’re working on a solution. But keep them confined because they won’t be able to resist the impulse to go after their own people. And the rest of you, help out, rotate duties so no one gets burned out and inattentive. I trust in you all, my brothers. Make me proud.”   
The mobs straightened at his words and even Silver who barely knew him, sat prouder on hir bony steed. They dispersed to all corners and Steve turned back to the discussion at hand.   
“You’ll need gold to heal them.” Alex said darkly. “Far more gold then the summoner contains, even with the treasure from the monument it won’t be enough. The rest we can grow or trade for.”  
The griefer looked at his husband, who sent him a mental image of a pickaxe.   
“Then we dig.” Herobrine stated firmly. “You’ve all shown that that you can take care of yourselves if Steve and I depart for a while. We’ll find the gold and come back. All you have to do is keep the afflicted ones confined. Our skeletons will also help and defend you.” He felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. “Alex?”  
The woman nodded. “I’ll hunt the spiders and make the potions we need for the spell, don’t worry about us.”   
“Thank you.” Steve said kindly. “We’ll gather our tools and leave as soon as possible.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine watched Steve from the corner of his eyes as he packed their food. “You’re the expert here, my lamb, how should we do proceed?”   
“Herobrine holes,” the human said firmly.   
“Excuse me?”  
“Long tunnels, two blocks high and one block wide; we go straight and when we find a vein of anything good we go down or turn to follow it. When we hit a pocket we’ll mine it out and block it off behind us. Done right we don’t have to do much fighting; the monsters will only waste our time anyway. I intend to stay underground until we have enough gold to heal them all and maybe even some to store in case this happens again.” Steve deftly fashioned some of their precious diamonds into a fresh pickaxe. He held it up and it sparkled in the torchlight. “I’m ready.”   
Herobrine watched him with a devious smile. “You brothers do well to trust in you. The brave lamb who defends both the living and the dead.”  
The miner blushed at his husbands gracious words. The griefer produced a bowl of soup and a warm loaf of bread from his inventory. The sweet smell of beef and onions filled the air and the human’s stomach gave a timely growl. He took the food gratefully.   
The griefer lifted his own bowl to his lips and took a long slurp. He chided Steve gently, “Don’t be so focused on helping others that you neglect yourself.”   
Steve gave the tiniest chuckle as he watched his mate clean the wooden bowl with a sweep of his long tongue. “No, thank you; Herobrine, for being someone I can always count on.” The god shaded pink and nearly dropped the bowl. He made a show of looking in every direction and then pointing to himself.   
“Surely you have me confused with someone else.”  
The miner shook his head in wonderment. “Silly. Are you ready?”  
Herobrine looked around at their unfinished house, little more then two cobble rooms and a door. He knelt down beside his lava pool and took a glob to wash his face before clapping his fearsome helm down over his hair. His stride towards the miner was confident but broken at the end by a sweeping bow. “Lead me, my lamb, and your god will follow.”


	89. A Flicker In The Dark

The pair chose to delve into to hillside and head down the winding coast on an underground path.  
Steve looked behind them at the swiftly receding square of sunlight that fell onto the steps down into the tunnel. His walked with his pick slung over his shoulder and placed torches on the right-hand wall as he went.  
Herobrine wasn’t even using a tool, he just punched the stone blocks away, driving them straight forward at a gallop. When he hit coal or iron he punched out around it and curved the path to one side or the other, but always going down at a shallow angle. Steve used the glittering tool to pick the ores away and stow them. He doubted they’d find gold so close to the surface but they were trying to get farther away from the village first.  
After a while Steve felt like he’d been hypnotized. The soft rhythm of the blocks poofing away was making his mind as blank as new fallen snow.  
Suddenly Steve screamed in terror and Herobrine leaped so hard he whacked his head on the low ceiling. For a second as he turned he saw the ghostly shape of a massive gray guardian appear between them and then vanish just as swiftly. Steve swayed on his feet and stumbled forward. Gray spirals smoked from his form. Herobrine caught him before he could fall.  
The human shivered, “did you see it?”  
“Yes. We must either be close to an underwater temple or one of the guardians escaped the blast.  
“I feel so weak.”  
“This must be the mining fatigue curse Alex mentioned; she said it would wear off on its own. But we should get out of here quickly in case it comes back. Here; grab a hold of me.” The griefer knelt down and put the human on his own back as easily as he’d carry a child. “Now hang on tight.”  
Steve did his best to curl around the warm body of his lover and clung to him desperately. Herobrine dropped down to all fours and charged the wall headfirst. The flaring wings on his helm hit the stone like the horns of a bull and the rock disintegrated under his blows. He ran forward like a plow and drove the blocks aside like gravel over a lit torch. After what seemed like an eternity of being bounced around; Steve saw them flying out of a hole into empty space. Thankfully it wasn’t far to the floor and the god hit it with a heavy thud and stood frozen from the shock.  
“Ow.”  
Steve swayed a bit, “let’s just… rest here a moment.” He forced himself to lay torches and looked around the air pocket they’d barreled into. It was just a space with rough edges and random piles of blocks. But looking closer he though he spotted some narrow doorways in the farthest wall.  
Herobrine sniffed the air, his bright gaze searching in the gloom. There was a scuffling and the griefer took off towards a pile of rubble. A face appeared briefly and then fled far faster then the creeper it had first seemed to be. Herobrine’s more animal instincts took hold as his would-be prey ran from him. The fleeing figure looked back briefly before putting on an extra burst of speed. Herobrine winked out of existence with a wolfish grin. And his quarry toppled backwards onto the floor as the griefer appeared directly in their path.  
Herobrine could see now that it was actually a Testificate dressed in ragged green fabric with a creeper mask. “Please don’t eat me!” They squeaked in terror. “I probably taste like dirt!”  
“Eat you?” Herobrine put his hands on his hips and gave the strange person a puzzled look. “Now there’s a rumor I haven’t heard in at least a hundred years. Who do you think I am?”  
The Testificate cowered against the wall, and lifted the mask to see him more clearly. “Aren’t you Herobrine? My grandmother warned me to beware the white eyes, because their owner would consume any Testificate who strayed away from the safety of their village.”  
Steve caught up with the pair but doubled over as he tried to catch his breath. The villager shrank in fresh terror as Steve wheezed with his eyes shut.  
“Two! Two Brines! Jeb have mercy on me!”  
The human looked up confused, and the sight of his blue irises seemed to calm the Testificate slightly. “You are strangely dressed, the gem of a priest, a helm from the Nether, Testificate cloth, bones, but both of you, seem so much alike underneath…”  
Herobrine smiled and the sight of his wicked teeth made the Testificate’s eyes widen. “It’s okay.” He said. “As much fun as it is scaring people, I don’t grief the innocent anymore. And I certainly don’t eat them. Talk to us, I won’t hurt you.”  
“Nor I,” Steve nodded, “who are you and what are you doing down here? It’s dangerous.”  
The god gave them a curious look, “More importantly, why are you dressed like a creeper?”  
“Well…” they said, slowly standing up but not moving far from the wall. “Villages kind of aren’t my thing. I have a rather rare opinion that makes me unpopular to say the least. So I was asked to leave.”  
Steve paled, “are you a mal?”  
The Testificate started at the abrupt question. “I’m fem actually.”  
Herobrine shot the human a look and he knew he’d be chided for rudeness later. “What is this opinion you were driven out for?”  
She twiddled her fingers, “I just really love creepers.”  
“Isn’t that a bit dangerous?” Steve asked with incredulity.  
“Maybe in the beginning, but I’ve spent a lot of time studying and living with them. I’ve even handled the baby ones.”  
Steve waved his hands, “wait? Living with them? Are you fixing them so they don’t blow up in your face?”  
“Oh no! That would be cruel. Don’t you know? Creepers love to explode. They have a respawn and it can be part of their life cycle. They blow up at certain times and places to spread spores. It’s a big rush for them. They like me so I don’t set them off but they still pop now and again. That’s why I live down here; I just use the craters to make my rooms bigger instead of fixing them. As long as I have one spot that’s very dark, they have a place to respawn; so they always come home. Would you like to see?” she paused, “Oh, I’m sorry, my name’s Flicker. I don’t get much company down here. Haha, forgot my manners.”  
The boys fell into step as the Testificate walked towards a narrow passage in the wall.  
“Well you know who I am” Herobrine stated, “This is my life-mate Steve.”  
Flicker paused. “The griefer of legend took a husband? Well human Steve, if you are the reason the Brine is apparently no longer a violent soul; then we all owe you great debt.”  
Steve blushed sweetly and Herobrine gave him a peck on the cheek.  
“Love can fix things you didn’t even realize were broken.” The god replied softly.  
Flicker smiled warmly to see them being so tender with one another, and she turned away so they wouldn’t see her blush. She opened a door in the wall and turned so she blocked the opening. “I’ll just, go on ahead, you stay in the doorway, let me soothe them so they won’t pop.” She ambled into the room and the lovers noticed that the Testificate had even adopted the slow rolling gait of a creeper herself, and shuffled along the floor amongst them.  
Steve swallowed, “gladly.” He’d never seen so many creepers in one place. The room was large but sparsely decorated. And the ceiling far above was a patchwork of different types of stone and dirt. Most of the floor was covered in lush grasses growing under the artificial light of a few redstone lamps. The air was full of soft hisses like deflating balloons, and butted against the farthest wall was a sheep pen. There were chunks of white wool everywhere draped with sleeping creepers, and a single bed in the middle of the room with a crafting table and a chest. As Flicker entered the horde the creepers homed in and surrounded her. They bumped her with their large heads and clamored for chin scratches.  
A quiet thought snuck into the back of Steve’s head as they watched the woman play with the pack of docile creepers. “You know… they would be quite an asset to our village... I could turn the outer walls to bedrock and we could let them out at night to watch over the valley.”  
“The pyramid…” Steve whispered.  
‘Exactly.’  
Flicker walked back towards them and the creepers flowed around and followed her. A few of them hesitated and hid behind her at the sight of Herobrine. The smallest creepers came forward first. Neither of the adventurers had ever seen a baby creeper and the little ones were barely the height of their knees. The adults watched them with their normal grim expressions.  
Steve put his hands down and was battered with tiny furry heads. “How do you survive down here?” He asked in awe.  
“I eat a lot of mushrooms,” Flicker replied. “And I dig so they’ll have fresh soil. It’s quiet and a bit dull, but better then being pelted with rocks or having my pets killed.” She frowned as if remembering something painful.  
Herobrine touched her hand gently, “what if I offered you a place amongst our people? Our village is nearly all mal pairs and they will gladly welcome another refugee from the old rules just as we have done for them.”  
Flicker rubbed her neck nervously. “Well…”  
“We have a massive hollow pyramid of dirt that no one is using. You could keep your creepers there and even let them roam outside the village walls at night. It’s dark and we’ll give you food and whatever else you need to make it cozy in return for your pets protecting our territory.”  
Flickers eyes glittered at the thought. “I’m not sure how sociable I can be around people again…”  
“No one minds,” Herobrine said mildly, and Steve could feel the gentle persuasive energies that flowed from the god to the mind of his target. “We’ll make sure you aren’t unduly disturbed. Our words are law there. And just having all these creepers around will cut the natural hostile spawn rate to near nothing.”  
The Testificate ran gentle hands on the monsters that rubbed and trundled around her. “They have been restless lately, and it’s been years since I saw actual sunlight… I’ll… I’ll do it! When do you want to go?”  
“Not yet”, Steve replied. “Herobrine and I have a task to complete in the opposite direction and I’d prefer you arrive there with us to prevent any misunderstandings.  
“What is it you seek?”  
“Gold,” Herobrine stated grimly, “large quantities of the stuff. Some of our villagers were bitten by zombies and we need golden apples to cure them.”  
“That’s terrible! But rulers who would take on such a quest for a selfless reason; deserve their places of power. And I can actually help you in return for your generous offer.” She pushed gently through the creepers as if navigating a thicket. Flicker retrieved a dilapidated bag from her messy bed and dug through it with both hands.  
The creepers gathered around the lovers and Steve struggled to keep his footing as he was jostled about. He saw his lover was faring no better as Herobrine almost fell because the tail of his cloak was covered with little creepers.  
The woman fought her way back through the crowd with her hands cupped and pressed her small burden into the gods hands. Herobrine smiled widely before slipping four whole blocks of gold into his inventory. “Thank you for your generosity, when my mate and I return home we will pass back this way and collect you and your troop. You have already shortened our quest a little.”  
Flicker straightened proudly. “Then I’ll continue to dig in your absence and save any gold I find for you both. In the meantime, would you two like to join me for dinner?”


	90. Don't Eat The Mushrooms

The quiet space of the tunnel was suddenly filled with a sound like a phonebook being torn in half. Steve staggered back, coughing wildly. The torches flared from the expulsion of gas and he slammed against the opposite wall to avoid the fire. “That is wind straight from the Nether” he swore. “My eyes are burning!”   
Herobrine gave him a sheepish look, “sorry. If it makes you feel any better that hurt coming out too.”   
Steve waved frantically with his other hand clamped over his mouth and nostrils for the griefer to keep pressing forward so he could escape the noxious cloud. Herobrine slammed the end of the tunnel and drove them forward quickly as his mate fought to not inhale in the fumes.   
When he could breathe again he gave Herobrine a questioning look. “It doesn’t make me feel any better to know it hurt you. Why did you eat her soup? You told me mushrooms give you gut pain.”  
The god colored, “I didn’t want to be rude. It was obvious that I was hungry and I didn’t want to just sit there like a busted anvil while you two ate. Besides, I didn’t realize it would hit me this hard. She must really concentrate and boil it down. I haven’t had gas this bad since I left the blasted Nether. That used to cause explosions. Ever sat on a block of TNT that’s exploding?”  
Steve blanched. “I’m sorry. I know you can’t help it and I’m not blaming you for not being able to digest something, it’s just really close in here, and that caught me off-guard.” Steve wiped the tears from his eyes and resumed picking at the wall.   
Herobrine groaned, clenching at his stomach in agony. He pushed Steve back from the wall and slammed the blocks away at top speed, barreling down the fresh tunnel looking for an air pocket to release the toxic gas that was building up in his guts. The griefer’s fists were suddenly flailing at nothing as the wall fell away to reveal a ravine. The shock of the open air caused him to stumble, and he scrabbled at the wall as his legs kicked out over a vast drop. The shock caused his bowels to release their buildup and he saw with horror the muted light from below and Steve’s terrified face as he beheld his god trying to climb back up from the ledge he was hanging precariously on.   
“Don’t come any closer!” The frightened brine screamed, “I think there’s-”   
His words were cut off as the heavy gas settled to the floor of the ravine and sparked on the lava at the bottom. A tremendous explosion rocked the walls, and Steve was thrown violently backwards as the searing fireball rolled over them like a wave.   
Herobrine clawed frantically at the stone, his burning fingers melting it like putty. He drug himself back up into the tunnel and ran frantically towards Steve’s crumpled form. He pressed his fingers to his double’s short throat and sighed with relief at the faint pulse he found there. The god gathered his husband into his arms and held him warmly as he dug through his inventory for food. Herobrine swore at his own stupidity, all the meat he was carrying was raw, and not fit to feed his companion. He offered Steve a cookie, and then another. The miner ate it automatically, his eyes sliding open with a painful slowness.   
Herobrine petted Steve’s hair, murmuring sweet nothings to him softly. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. Are you hurt badly my lamb?”  
“I’ve got one left,” Steve said gamely. “It’ll tick back up; I just need to rest for a bit.” He dug in his own inventory and pulled out a cooked mutton chop. The miner chewed it slowly, wincing at the pain in his ribs and back.   
Herobrine flailed mentally, “I’ll help you; just a moment.” He shuffled around and pulled out the bed he’d brought for their expedition. The griefer tossed it out on the floor and it sprang to its full size. Gently he laid his husband down and covered him with the soft blanket.   
“I’ll be okay,” Steve said weakly. “I just need a little time…” Herobrine kissed him tenderly.   
“You sleep; I’ll make a safe space around you so you can heal.”  
Steve drifted off peacefully and the god stood there for a long moment, watching the rise and fall of his chest. He knocked out a larger space around the bed and studded the walls with torches before closing it off with a fresh door. The griefer stood there brooding as a tiny squeak of a fart escaped him. Herobrine clenched in pain. He made his way back to the edge and looked down.   
At the floor of the ravine was a vast lava pool, and the god studded the ravine wall around the opening with torches while perched precariously on the edge. When he was done, he closed his eyes and let go.   
The air whooshed past him as he plummeted, and the caldera of slushy stone seemed to reach upward to catch him as he splashed down. The pressure of the remaining gas was instantly gone as the lava healed him. Herobrine paddled lazily on the surface, lost in thought.   
He looked around the cavernous space he’d broken into, shading his eyes from the glow of the lava and gasped. There was ore in the high walls; iron, gold, and lapis.   
It was hard to force himself to leave the healing warmth of the pool, but he soothed himself with the thought of going home to his own bed once their inventories were full of the metal they required to heal their friends.   
Herobrine chipped his way up the wall using the tip of his scythe like a pickaxe, and then used a simple iron pick to retrieve the shining ore and colorful stones. A few creepers and a zombie watched him curiously as he tiptoed along the narrow ledges. He was too high up to attack, though more then once he swatted wildly at bats that flew too close to him.   
The griefer worked his way down the ravine, so lost in thought he walked directly into an enderman in the dark. The creature was furious in an instant and attacked him with slashing claws. Herobrine teleported out of the way and the chase was on; the two blinking in and out of existence to chase and strike at one another. The enderman snapped at him with its enormous jaw and Herobrine grabbed around the detached chin with a burning hand. The enderman scrabbled at his armor and scratched his face as the god flung it hard against the ground. He jammed his fist into the mouth of the beast and snatched the tiny orb from the back of its throat. With a horrendous scream the creature faded to nothing and left the griefer holding the pearl.   
The griefer looked around and saw a creeper scuttling quickly away. He merely dusted his hands and went back to work. He picked up and down the walls and made skinny tunnels leading from the bottom that curved back around on themselves like snakes. He waded through the lava flows and even checked under their surfaces for anything of use.   
When he could find no more; Herobrine counted his haul and smiled in relief.   
The griefer made his way back to the makeshift room and found Steve stirring under the covers. He sat down on the edge of the small bed and put his arms around his mate, who hugged him back.   
‘Are you healed?’ Herobrine asked silently, enjoying the intimate touches of their meeting minds.   
‘Yes. Thank you for keeping me safe so I could sleep. I was so tired and sore.”  
‘I have good news my lamb.’ The god opened his hands and the sparkling stacks of metals and gems reflected in Steve’s wide blue eyes. ‘We can go home now.’


	91. Coming Home

As the lovers made their way back down the silent stone halls the sound of picking stone became audible. A head popped out at the sound of their heavy tread.   
“Hey! I didn’t expect you back so soon!” Flicker emerged fully from the side tunnel and turned out her inventory. “I did some extra mining once my things were all packed, so I have more gold for you!”   
Steve scooped up the fallen ingots. “That’s excellent Flicker. Thank you.”  
The Testificate bobbed courteously. “Is it time to go now? I can dispatch my sheep and have the creeps all rounded up pretty quickly.”   
“Yes,” Herobrine answered, “run ahead and we’ll meet you at your home space.”   
The second Flicker was out of side Herobrine pulled two hunks of raw beef for his inventory and stuffed them in his mouth. He masticated for a moment and swallowed the chunks nearly whole. “Not eating with her again,” he muttered by way of explanation. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Steve made an effort to relax; he was trying very hard not to dwell on the fact that he and his lover were being followed by a massive mob of creepers. Flicker whistled merrily as she ambled along. The creeps seemed to rotate who walked at her sides so each of them would get a little attention as they travelled. The general pace was irritatingly slow and Steve could feel Herobrine’s aggravation as he stumped along at half-speed.   
A small cold droplet hit Steve in the face and he stopped short. “This is the area where the guardian appeared!” He said urgently. “What should we do? Run?”  
“Not an option. The creepers can’t run and we all need to stay together. You lead; I’ll be right behind you. You’ll just have to trust my speed now that I know there’s a threat.” The griefer drew out the diamond spear and held it ready; he took up a position slightly behind the human and motioned him forward.   
The griefer silently touched his mind, ‘I’ll keep you safe, sweet lamb.’  
Steve ventured forward, striving to make as little noise as possible. An eerie sound echoed in the tunnel, a hollow vibration that thrummed deep in his ears. The creepers clustered tighter around Flicker.   
The thing appeared with a bounding noise like a mistuned note-block, blocking the tunnel ahead with a baleful eye. It drew in a breath to cast the curse and Herobrine lunged forward; jabbing his spear into the eye of the gray guardian. The fish jerked in pain, its spines flicking out like daggers. Steve screamed as a spine pierced his upraised hand, and his god pushed forward violently, jamming the guardian up against the wall with his blade. It writhed on the pike for a moment and then exploded in a hail of smaller fish.   
Steve tumbled to the floor with a gasp, clutching his bleeding hand. Herobrine stowed his weapon and ran back to his mate, skidding on the damp floor in his haste. The human looked at him with muzzy eyes as sickly black spirals rose like smoke from his injury. The griefer swore a string of prime numbers, and licked desperately at his mate’s injury, sucking and spitting the poison from his wound.   
Flicker’s eyes were wide, “sweet Jeb! He’s been poisoned! Is there anything I can do to help?!”   
Herobrine gnashed his teeth, he looked around wildly. “I need a bucket!”   
“I have one!” the Testificate fumbled in her belongings and tossed out a metal pail. Herobrine took it and propped Steve against the wall. He punched wildly at the ceiling.   
Flicker panicked, “you shouldn’t do that! There’s water up there!”  
The god didn’t respond, even when the block he’d just removed exploded in a heavy flow of water that soaked him to the bone. He held up the bucket to fill it and replaced the block to stem the flood of water. Then he raced back to Steve; who was fighting to stay awake.   
As Flicker watched in confusion; Herobrine placed the bucket and stuck his hand inside it. He grimaced with concentration, letting his own corruption take hold of him to glitch one thing into another form. After a moment he pulled his hand away and whitish drops fell from his fingers. He knelt beside his lover and tipped the bucket to the human’s lips. Steve guzzled the milk gratefully and felt the effects of the poison slowly fade.   
He touched the griefer’s face, “saved my life again. My hero.”   
Herobrine was too relieved to complain about the shortening of his name and just pawed playfully at his husband. “And again and again, anytime you’re in danger my lamb. I’ll be anything you need.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

The lovers emerged from the hole in the ground into afternoon sunlight. Silver seemed to be dozing on hir horse while Navy paced back and forth in agitation. The skeletons spotted their masters and waved in silent cheers, but drew their bows at the sight of the costumed Testificate.   
Steve gestured urgently, motioning them to put their arms away. Flicker blinked wildly in the half-light. It was still too bright for eyes that had grown accustomed to the underground.   
Gold grabbed the human almost off his feet and hugged him warmly. Silver’s expression was wry but they made no move to dismount; settling for a respectful salute to the lovers.   
Flicker stood in the tunnel opening, “can we wait a few more minutes to full dark?” she asked hesitantly.   
“Of course,” Herobrine replied. Remembering his own troubles navigating in full daylight with eyes acclimated to the gloom of the Nether.   
Steve disentangled himself from Gold long enough to call out to Silver. “Can you please ride to town and let Alex know we’ve returned with the gold for the spell? Then she can make the potions.”  
“If she hasn’t already,” the griefer added softly. “And we still need apples.”  
“Do that trick you did for Croca,” Steve suggested eagerly.   
The god sighed dramatically. “If there was ever anyone I’d give myself a headache for intentionally; it is you, my lamb.” He cast around for an oak tree to head-butt while Steve talked to Gold about the creepers.   
The Testificate ventured a little further out of the tunnel to regard the sweater-ed skeleton with suspicion. “I’ve heard the Scroll of the World,” she said tremulously. “Is it all true? Are you one of them? The one who survived?”  
The human’s face fell, and Gold laid their skeletal hand on his shoulder. “It is true. They are my brothers. All the human undead. My god tried so hard, he just didn’t find the answer until it was almost… and then it was too late. He’s given me his hearts in more ways then one.”  
There was a tremendous crash and then the crackly sound of Herobrine swearing as he was pelted with falling apples. He came back with his arms full and dumped them on Steve so they’d jump like fleas into his inventory. The miner kissed him sweetly. “Thank you my love. That should be more then enough. And once we set up the furnace to melt the gold down, we’ll be waiting for a while, so we might as well do that part in town.”


	92. The Revival

The Testificates were gathered on the walls when their god and their priest returned. Their eyes widened as the small army of creepers ambled out of the forest fast on their heels. The god opened the doors of the pyramid that were outside the walls and the creepers filed placidly into the cavernous space.   
At the far end of the massive room were a series of small cells. Outside the rooms Tungsten was pacing back and forth. Violet watched the agitated blacksmith, and kept offering him things as his pacing took them near the skeletal warrior. Mousse was sitting on a bed someone had set up, staring at one of the cells, his form was slumped in abject misery and as they got closer it was obvious he hadn’t bathed in days. Tungsten turned and Steve saw the light of hope flare in his eyes. The huge blacksmith got down on his knees so quickly, the human nearly jumped back in fear.   
“Please heal them,” he begged. “They’re suffering so much like this.”   
Herobrine’s eyes were misty and it made the glow diffuse on the kneeling Testificate like soft sunlight. “We brought the gold, Tungsten. We’re going to make them well again.”   
Violet trotted over to Steve and greeted him; the human returned their sentiment with a tired smile before asking after the state of the zombiefied villagers. Roulade and Hollandaise entered from the other wall of the pyramid and hailed their leaders with solemnity.   
Alex also came in from the door as well, wearing a half-chest on her back, “I brought the weakness potions. Do you have the fruit, or just the gold?” The miner produced an apple as an answer and the archer nodded. “Good, then I’ll get the rest ready.”  
Herobrine fashioned a couple of furnaces and they loaded them with gold to be smelted into ingots.   
One of the zombies in the cells let out a small moan, and the others took up the call; humming their misery in unison. Mousse rocked back and forth on the bed. “Please hurry,” he mumbled.   
Steve folded himself into his lover’s arms. ‘Just hold me for a moment’ he said mentally. ‘I’m terrified that this won’t work. They’re all hanging their hopes on us.’   
‘Don’t be afraid, sweet lamb. I trust that Alex knows what she’s doing, and so should you.’ The griefer petted his mate’s hair and felt the human relax a little under his hands. ‘Come on, be brave for me. We’ll celebrate with something nice when this is done. It will give you something to look forward too.’  
‘I’ll try.’  
Herobrine let him go and he set to making the golden apples. The god was mesmerized by the melted gold crawling with purpose and coating the apple in the center of the table, leaving it sufficed with an eerie purplish golden glow. Alex positioned herself next to the first door.   
“I’m going to open it and throw the weakness potion on them, and then you follow with the apple. They should eat it without thinking if you can hit them square with it. Steve braced himself as the door was flung wide and the stink of death billowed out into the room.   
The two zombies were crouched in the corner and shuffled towards the humans with arms outstretched as the light touched them. Alex lobbed the potions on them and they moaned in consternation as the weakness draughts took effect. As their movements slowed, Steve forced a golden apple on each of them. There was a tremendous crash as he did so and the zombies shook and cried in distress. The undead smoked with black spirals and vibrated wildly. The miner tried to force himself to move but was frozen with fear as the shuddering villagers came at him anew. Alex grabbed him by the spine of his armor and dragged him out of the room before slamming the cell door behind him.   
The griefer rushed to his side, he could see Steve crumbling before his eyes, and used his cloak to hide the poor man from sight. Their faces were close as Herobrine looked into the mind of his mate. Steve was not afraid of the human undead because he knew respawn would keep him from ever becoming one of them. But the sight of the poor transformed villagers broke his tender hearts. He gasped for air, trying not to cry. The god unclipped his cloak from his throat and slung the warm velvet like a blanket over his mate; he guided Steve to a block and made him sit down. The miner sniffed pathetically, rubbing his face with the tail of his shirt.   
“I’ll take care of the rest,” Herobrine said firmly. “Give me the apples.” Steve passed him the fruit with a thank you no one else could hear. He nodded purposefully to Alex who opened the next door. They repeated the trick for all the affected villagers before checking on the first two again.   
The two undead were still smoking and shivering, and Herobrine swore.   
“Easy,” Alex admonished him, “I think they’ll change back at dawn. In the meantime perhaps you should introduce me to our new friend?”   
Flicker gave a sheepish wave. “Are those creepers defused?” Alex whispered urgently.   
“Nope.”   
“Are you crazy?!”  
“No to that too,” Herobrine grinned. “The creepers are tame, and apparently an explosion and a respawn is part of their life cycle. I’m going to coat the inside of the pyramid and the outer walls of the town with bedrock. In return for letting Flicker and her pets live in the pyramid; they’ll patrol at night and keep the local spawn rates down to nothing.”  
Alex’s mouth opened and shut a few times and she pushed down the urge to shake the smug griefer. Finally she slumped. “Will they attack me and Steve? I know creepers are far more interested in blowing up humans then Testificates.”  
The god shrugged, “not if you go and let them have a sniff with Flicker there.”  
The archer swallowed; “well, best to get it over with then.” She walked away with purpose and Herobrine surveyed the rest of the room. The village elders were consoling Mousse and Tungsten, and Steve was staring into space. Herobrine got down on his knees in front of his husband and the miner looked at him curiously.  
‘Do you want to talk?’ He asked his mate mentally, bridging the space between their minds.   
“Not really, I just know I’m going to see their faces in my nightmares. It’s a terrible thing, but all the more terrible when it’s someone I know. Herobrine, they have so much pain in their eyes.”   
The griefer looked down sadly. “I know.”   
A pounding began on one of the doors and Mousse shrunk in terror. “Do something!” He screamed.   
Steve shrank from the sound and whimpered; his stress getting the better of him.   
A normal voice neither of them recognized called out from inside one of the cells. “Please let us out! It’s dark in here!”  
Herobrine turned to run so fast his fingers gouged the stone floor with their heat. He grabbed the door and yanked it from its hinges, casting it aside. Two Testificates cowered against the far wall. “Please don’t hurt us!”  
The griefer froze, remembering another pair that had clung so fiercely to one another in the face of his apparent rage. He relaxed his posture and addressed them. “Who are you? Do you know your names?”   
One of the shaking villagers managed to blurt out, “I’m Moontie and this is my husband Piethon.”  
Herobrine used the light of his eyes to pierce the gloom and examine them. The smell had vanished, and their flesh appeared whole and healthy again. “Do you know who I am? And where you are?”  
The second one spoke; “you are Herobrine, the Lord of Tears, and I presume we are still in your village?”   
The griefer nodded in relief and stepped aside so they could exit the room. All around him the others were calling out to be released as well. He walked past Alex with a grateful sigh. “You won this day,” he told her quietly. “It was your knowledge that taught us the cure.”  
“But I couldn’t have done it so quickly without you and Steve seeking the gold.” She replied wryly.   
Steve was watching Tungsten swing Drilby about, snuggling his smaller partner like an affectionate hound, as they both wept with relief. Squrl raced from the open cell and tackled Mousse, the two of them rolling happily on first the bed and then the floor as they fell off with a thump.   
Herobrine sniggered, but the look on Steve’s face was sobering. “I need to take him home.”   
Alex nodded, “that’s for the best, I’ll get Flicker set up, you two go get some sleep.”  
Steve hugged the cloak around himself, breathing deeply of Herobrine’s scent on the thick cloth. The griefer swept him up inside the fabric and hugged him close. “I’ll take care of the walls before the next sunset. For now, let’s go home.”


	93. The Sullied Angel

The two men staggered into their house soon after, throwing down armor and clothes alike as they made their way to the bed. Steve stepped in the tub and washed himself hurriedly with a square of wool.  
The god was already almost naked and flashed his skin with fire as he pulled off his striped socks and flopped sideways on the bed.  
Steve crawled up beside him like a cat and burrowed against him. The griefer smoothed his damp hair with a warm hand. “What do you need?” He whispered lowly.  
“Life,” the human said breathlessly, “something vital and real to blot out the horrors in my mind.”  
“I’m real.” Herobrine said in an earnest tone. “I’m here for you. Take what you need.” He was slightly surprised as the rough miner stroked him softly. Steve wanted nothing more then to drink in his partner. He breathed deeply, smelling the brine, and tasting him with his tongue. Herobrine rolled over, presenting his vulnerable belly to the seeking mouth of his husband. Steve pressed the flat plane of his face into the griefer’s chest. Taking deep draughts of his scent and feeling the downy hairs on his chest tickle at his nostrils.  
“Are you going to eat me, my lamb?” The god asked with a smirk. And then he gasped as the humans lips closed around one of his tiny nipples. Teasing the single pixel until it was as pink as a cheery. The god bit his lip as he arched into his husband’s insistent suckling. “Do you need something of your god, my angel?” Herobrine pointed a finger and scratched a bleeding line on his own chest, offering it to his double. Steve moved from his nipples to the long cut and lapped up the trickle of blood. His lip quivered, he was feeling too emotional to make words and Herobrine touched his mind gently.  
‘Sometimes I wonder if in your darkest moments, all you want is to be a part of me again sweet lamb. But it can never be; you are too beautiful a soul to sully yourself with my filth.”  
‘Can you make me forget what I saw today?’  
‘No. Even your god cannot do that, not without erasing everything else that makes you who you are. It’s why I would never make a slave of you, no matter how often you offered yourself to me. But I can be with you, warm you, bathe you in kisses and help you think of better things.’  
‘Please.’  
‘Anything for my lamb.’  
Steve curled himself into a little ball on the bed as Herobrine got up on all fours. The griefer stood over his mate like a protective wolf. And Steve saw his limbs like the pillars of a cathedral that would shelter him from the world. The god pressed himself down like an animal and rubbed his scent on the small human beneath his body. He stroked every inch of Steve, warming him with hand and mouth, caressing him as gently as he would handle a flower.  
The human rose on shaking hands beneath him. Weaving in and out of his arms; pressing, kissing and trying to contact as much skin as possible. Steve squeaked in surprise as Herobrine’s toothy maw closed gently on one butt-cheek. He froze as the griefer left a long slimy stripe up the crevasse betwixt his cheeks before releasing him. The miner whimpered pathetically, presenting his rear to his mate.  
Herobrine only raised an approving eyebrow before letting his long tongue find Steve’s tight star. He snaked it inside and watched his double writhe on the tiny ribbon that barely stretched his hole. The griefer twiddled the tip in the close confines of the human’s ass and was rewarded with a gasp and a few juicy moans. Encouraged, he canted his head and let a dribble of saliva roll down his tongue and pool around the hole he was teasing. Steve was making a lot of little noises now, desperately moving his hips and clawing at the bed sheets as his husband licked him from the inside. He grabbed his own ass cheeks and pulled them wider as his breath hitched in his throat, begging without sound for his monster of a mate to claim him.  
Herobrine pulled back and greased himself with a slime-ball from his inventory. Steve scooted up under him, rubbing his back like a beast in heat against the griefer’s belly. Herobrine was more then happy to oblige and he sniffed his mate’s hair as he positioned himself over the vulnerable miner.  
Steve lifted his ass to meet the god’s stave, his own cock hard and dribbling as he silently begged for sex. Herobrine worked the tip into his double’s wanting hole, rocking gently as he pressed the human wider. With a grunt, Steve backed up on him, forcing his body to admit the whole cock at once. He pulled at Herobrine’s hands and guided him back down on all fours over his conquest.  
The god felt his lamb shivering under him. Squeezing himself around the intrusion inside his body and writhing desperately on his husband’s cock. Herobrine whispered to him like a demon; “tell me how you want me, innocent one? What sin do you crave tonight?”  
‘Want to ride you,” the miner gasped.  
“As good as done,” Herobrine wrapped his arms around Steve and rolled them both over without ever taking his cock from his double’s rear. The human let out a long humming sigh as he was moved upwards and let gravity sink him back down onto the stave of his god. Steve fumbled for a moment and then pulled out the elytra, throwing the grayish purple wings onto his bare shoulders.  
Herobrine gasped at the sight, Steve forced himself around, wringing the square peg against the cubical hole in his body that it was filling. Then he spread the elytra and rode the gods cock like a desperate angel. Making a few awkward flaps to lift up and then letting his own weight drag him back down.  
Herobrine’s eyes were so bright Steve couldn’t even look at him directly. The god arched his body with all his strength to meet his howling partner as the miner crashed down over him like a wave. Steve shook under his punishment, flickering as if he were being hit as the griefer drove his hips apart to force as much of him inside as possible. Steve was aware that the sounds that spilled from his lips were barely human but it seemed only to excite his husband more. But his strength was already starting to falter and Herobrine asked him mentally if it was okay to change positions. The human nodded, the sweat dripping from his face. He’d misjudged his health and his hearts were too low to attempt a power bottom.  
With an evil grin the god lifted him off and set him on his feet. There was a moment of confusion as strong hands turned him to the wall and bent his waist. Then he could only howl as Herobrine stuffed himself back inside. The god grabbed his wings and Steve nearly fainted from the pleasure as his husband fucked him against the wall with one elytra pane in each hand.  
Steve was babbling now and he offered his hands behind his back, pressing the flat top of his head against the wall to brace himself. “Force me,” he gasped. “Grief my soul and I’ll give you my panic and fear to eat.”  
Herobrine licked his lips at the prospect of a meal he hadn’t enjoyed in years. Normally he would refuse, but the haze of lust and energy starvation clouded his judgment. He wrapped one powerful hand around Steve’s wrists and splayed the wide fingers of his other hand on the bent back before him.  
“Say your word if I overwhelm you and it will stop at once, my lamb.”  
Steve assented. Herobrine pitched his voice sultry and low, letting his tongue flick out against the miners earlobe as he talked.  
“Did you think you could escape the god of Chaos my wanting angel? How could I see such glory floating on the morning air and not snatch it down for myself? I needed in my soul to possess you, to pull you into the depths to keep forever.”  
His thrusts became harder, more insistent, and Steve shook like a rag doll. He let the fear of being helpless under his gods majesty take him completely. Herobrine gorged himself on Steve’s energy.  
“No,” the griefer continued. “I had to sink my fiery sword into your quivering flesh. You’re too clean and bright, little angel. I will fix you.” Herobrine stopped pushing Steve’s shoulders to flip a slime ball into his free hand from his inventory. He squeezed it roughly and the cold greenish gel was released from the layers within.  
The human let out a howling moan of perverted ecstasy as the slime was thrown on his back and ran down in blessedly cold rivulets over his sweating flesh.  
Herobrine felt so fat with energy he was swollen like a little tick. He felt the core of his mate shaking like a leaf and Steve came all over the floor in front of them. His knees buckled and Herobrine grabbed his middle quickly to keep from dislocating his shoulders. He used all his strength to hold his husband high, drinking in the sight of the beautifully naked and violated man balanced on his cock with wings outstretched.  
“Time to finish you,” the griefer growled with a toothy grin.  
Steve felt the eruption happening inside his bowels as Herobrine flooded him with cum. He was too exhausted to do more then tremble under the assault. His prostate seized under the pressure and he came a second and a third time as the heat filled him from the ass up.  
“Bedrock!” He gasped.  
“I obey.” Herobrine replied smoothly.  
He let Steve’s feet to the floor and watched with some concern as the human released without meaning too and spilled the griefer’s seeds out of his swollen body and onto his legs as well as the floor. He man flopped down onto the carpet and Herobrine knelt down to gather him up. The elytra brushed his hips as he carried his spent and sticky husband to the tub, and walked them both down into it.  
“That was intense,” Steve managed, as his double gently scrubbed him clean.  
“You’re telling me. I haven’t eaten that much energy in one go in so long, I feel like I stuffed myself and my belly is fit to pop like a chorus fruit. I hope I’m not so hyper I can’t sleep now. It’s going to have to go somewhere.”  
“Can you spend it somehow?”  
Herobrine thought about it for a long moment as he rubbed a cloth on his lover’s shoulders to remove the slime. “I could probably use a lot of it up shifting the village walls, but I really want to sleep naked with you tonight.”  
Steve smiled so innocently, “I love you.”  
Herobrine’s face turned a slightly pinker shade, and his own happy smile made Steve’s hearts swell with pure joy. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you Steve, but I wish I knew so I could spend the rest of my existence repeating the deed in holy gratitude.” He snuggled against his soggy mate. “I love you too Steve.”


	94. The Emissary

Steve awoke on the tiny island and immediately noticed something amiss. He rubbed Herobrine’s shoulder gently to wake him as well. The griefer was lying curled into a ball and stretched his hands into the soft grass around him as he awoke.  
He yawned and his forked tongue lolled amidst his pointed teeth. “Hey!” he exclaimed. “It got bigger!”   
The lovers explored the edges of the small spit of land tentatively. “I counted the blocks with my glitch when we first came here,” Herobrine said. “There are definitely more of them now. I think a lot of it is thickness under our feet at the center, but it’s almost doubled in size.”   
Steve clutched at him excitedly, “maybe it’s because you ate all that energy? Maybe a big transfer from one of us to the other is translated in growth here?”  
The griefer returned his mates enthusiasm. “I know just the way to find out if it works the other way too.”  
“What do you want to do?”  
“I’ll bleed myself. You can drink my blood again, you seem to like the taste and that’s an easy way to give you a ton of my energy. But I think it needs to be done out in the real world since it’s not just a symbolic act. When I finish with the walls tomorrow, we’ll try it out before we sleep again.”  
Steve looked around warily, the skies were clear and bright, but he still felt vulnerable after being attacked the last time. “I want to pull up a few blocks and make a hut. I don’t feel safe sleeping in the open here. It’s too… wide.”   
The god shrugged, “okay. I think there are enough blocks now that we can pull up a few in the middle and make a low shelter before bedding down.”  
They cut a small hole in the turf and roofed it over with dirt before crawling inside. The only light was Herobrine’s eyes. The god sensed his unease. “Don’t be afraid my lamb, it’s too close in here for anything to spawn. Let the seed be your cradle for now.” He opened his arms and Steve slid into them gratefully. The two curled together on the dirt floor and fell asleep in each others arms.   
They never even heard the storm that raged outside. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine sighed, shifting the walls was taking forever, but he couldn’t bring himself to be mad. It was rare that he spent time just being in the village he’d been made ruler of. The slightly annoyed griefer knew at this point that the Testificates were just looking for excuses to talk to him.   
Some had brought him food, others had come to pay their respects for being healed or thank him again for healing their counterparts and friends.   
Steve practically skipped up to him. His greeting was cheerful and Herobrine raised an eyebrow at him. “I know that face; you want me to craft something for you off the table, don’t you?”   
The nod he got was enthusiastic, and he climbed down from the low nerd pole he’d been standing on.   
“Can you break this into a pair of 2x2 panes, please?”   
Herobrine took the small panel of black glass with confusion. He snapped pixels off of it and let the extra squares crumble away into nothing. He handed the two small bits back. “What are you going to do with them?”  
Steve grinned, “you’ll see!” And then he was off again.   
The god shook his head in bemusement. The miner was built like two slabs of bedrock, but his disposition was as sunny and enthusiastic as a child.   
He worked his way down the wall and up a small hill. Rounding a corner he reached the base of the dirt pyramid. He stopped for a moment to rest and Steve came out of the pyramid door with Flicker in tow. Flicker looked around excitedly and Steve bubbled with pride as he told the Testificate all about their little village. Tang had been guarding the door and followed them curiously as the miner suddenly noticed and made a beeline for Herobrine.   
The griefer settled on a grass block, “so what was the glass for?”  
The miner motioned for Flicker to give him her creeper mask, and she did so reluctantly, holding her eyes firmly closed as it was removed. He passed it proudly and Herobrine examined it.   
The eyeholes in the mask had been replaced with the dark glass and he found that peering through it let him look directly at the square sun above without pain. “Brilliant! I might need to make something similar for myself now. Good work my love.”   
Steve glowed with satisfaction as he retrieved the mask and slipped it back over the Testificate’s head. “If you want we could try connecting the glass to some wires or something instead, so you don’t have to wear the whole mask Flicker.”   
“No, it’s okay. I like my mask. It helps me feel calmer in public. I’m just not used to being around so many people. And my little creeper herd seems to appreciate me attempting to blend in with them.”  
Steve mused, “Do you think Karen would like to come play with the other creepers? Or would they be mean to her because she’s glitched and can’t explode?”   
“I think it would be okay” Flicker replied. “Creepers aren’t territorial with their own kind and their pack hierarchy is pretty loose as well. It’s usually based on how many times one of them has exploded and made more creepers.”   
Steve turned to Tang. “I know Navy and Silver are around here somewhere. Can you have one of them take your place at the pyramid and you go let Alex know to bring Karen here?” The skeleton beamed, happy to assist their brother. Xe nodded in assent and hurried off.   
They came back a moment later, pointing out the trio to Hollandaise, before rushing off again. A Testificate they didn’t recognize was walking with him. Xe looked tired from traveling and wore a half chest over the back of their white robe.   
Herobrine suddenly exclaimed, “I know you! What are you doing here?”  
Steve looked wildly from one to the other and it dawned on him as well.   
The priestesses voice was just as musical as they remembered, “I came to find you.”  
Steve gave her a downcast look. “I’m sorry we never even asked your name.”   
“I understand, I’m just Jeb’s emissary and you were under a lot of stress at the time.”   
Herobrine tried not to flush his skin as he thought of the mental breakdown he’d experienced seeing the attempted erasure of his existence marked down so callously in the holy Patchbook.   
“My name is Beanz,” she said, noticing the strange figure in the creeper disguise at the corner of her vision. Flicker was staring unabashedly through the smoked holes in her mask.   
Steve rescued her from the awkward moment by making introductions, and the group settled down on the steps and scattered blocks to talk. “Do you bring tidings from Jeb?” He asked tentatively.   
“Yes. He wants to talk to you Steve.”


	95. Memories of a Steve

“How?” Herobrine asked in confusion. “We’re nowhere near the Patchbook.”  
Beanz reached into the collar of her robe and drew out a small pendant. It was four white pixels on the tiniest of threads. “This is a corner of the first page. I have to put it back when my task is done and I return home. Until then, I am in a state of what a Herobrine experiences naturally. My physical needs are few and I currently have ten hearts. But, I’ve come a long way to find you, will you speak with him?”   
Steve felt himself breaking into a cold sweat. His outburst at the temple embarrassed him greatly and the idea of speaking to Jeb again filled him with trepidation and even a little fear. “Absolutely…” He straightened his clothing self-consciously and tried to look respectable. Herobrine slipped behind him like a shadow and he could feel the aura of his husband’s concern and urge to protect him.   
Beanz went stiff as the angel took her over and the voice of Jeb rolled like thunder from her small mouth.   
“Steve… it has been so long. But I feel like I need to tell you something I suspect you may have already guessed. Do you remember your first spawning?”  
“No… actually. I wasn’t and then I just… was. And I’d obviously been in a survival state for a long time. Just living in a dirt hut and eating the local wildlife.”  
“Steve, I’m the reason you’re so much younger then your creator.”   
The miner felt his husband stiffen behind him at being mentioned.   
“When you were made, Herobrine laid you in his own bed. I think he was intending to revive you there instead of the lab so you would be at ease. But Notch appeared before he could complete his experiment…”   
Herobrine pressed his head against Steve’s from behind, hiding the warm tears that splashed down on the back of his husband’s neck.   
“Notch was content to let you lay there in that bleak tower forever, and told me as much before chasing The Lord of Tears. You were wise to flee Herobrine; you led the angry god safely away from your more delicate mate, and he forgot in his shameful fury about what you’d left behind.   
I returned to the castle to conceal the command block and looked at what you’d made. Notch had told me that anything the Herobrine made was obviously tainted with his evil since his men had been violent from the moment they spawned and then became even more dangerous after dying.   
But you looked peaceful and I sealed the tower so no one would disturb you. When I realized that Herobrine had vanished from the world entirely; my compulsion to take the measure of his legacy grew daily. I visited you again and again, watching you sleep so peacefully as my curiosity got the better of me.   
Finally, I touched you with the smallest fraction of power, unwilling to interfere with what you’d already been given. At first you couldn’t speak, and I didn’t know what to do with you. But I was ashamed that I’d ever hesitated. You had the soul of a graceful butterfly in the body of someone I’d called a monster.   
I offered you tools out of curiosity and you went for a pick like you’d been born to wield it and immediately set to striking the floor and walls away.   
You walked around my house like a man in a dream. But the first time I took you outside, you went right for the place where the Herobrine was smote. You knelt on the ground and cried. There was no way for you to have known what happened on the blasted heath hundreds of years previously, but you cried for him anyway. Scrabbling at the cold black blocks and howling your sorrow to the seed. This was even before you said your first words to me. And the only words I’d heard from you until we met again in the temple.   
I showed you the world from a mountain and asked you what your place was in it. You said, ‘I am Steve’, and walked away from me. I let you go and you made your own place in the world all on your own. And that is what you need to know most urgently. Notch, if he returns fully; cannot control you Steven. He had no hand in your making. But you were made with parts of the world and can use it to your advantage. You may be the only one who can truly reject his influence. You are wood, sand, stone, dirt, iron, diamonds, and the hearts of a Herobrine. You are the Steve; make the seed your shield.”   
Beanz paused and Herobrine forced himself to look at her. His eyes were bleary from crying and rimmed with far more black then usual. “Has Jeb nothing to say to me?”  
“Only this,” Jeb replied, “which perhaps; will mean nothing to you. Herobrine… I’m proud of you. Your last creation was the work of a master, and your own loving soul has become a brighter beacon then I ever imagined.”   
The griefer coughed in surprise, nearly choking in shock.   
Benz eyes rolled back down and her posture relaxed. “I guess that was all. But I do have a gift for you. If you want it.” She brandished a small golden compass and Steve took it in confusion.   
“It will lead you to the original spawn. Not the tower, another place; Herobrine’s spawn, where he was… punished. It might be cleansing for you both and reawaken some lost memories. Perhaps even restore some more of the Herobrine’s code. I think he left something there that could still be collected.”  
Her eyes rolled suddenly and Steve started in fear, “One last thing. Steven. Making a beast of yourself is not the answer to your question.”  
The miner turned white and nearly fainted. Herobrine caught him and held him as he attempted to calm down. The warning had been like a spine of fear driven straight into his hearts, and the knowledge that he had once threatened such a powerful being turned his blood to ice.   
Herobrine held Steve tightly, stroking his hair and whispering sweet words to him. He peppered the human with little kisses. “It’s okay my lamb, we won’t go. We’re needed here; you and I have work to do. Please don’t be afraid, I’d give my life to protect you.”   
Beanz watched them silently. The glow of their love warmed her hearts. Her internal voice was barely a whisper. ‘How could Notch have ever thought he deserved to die? The Herobrine seems far too kind; he seems utterly tamed by his human mate.’   
The reply filled her mind entirely. ‘Ah, but imagine what a monster he would become if that love were ever taken away?’   
‘Wouldn’t any of us do the same?’ She asked. ‘Love without devotion is nothing at all.’ The silence that answered her was profound, and she shivered as she felt Jeb withdraw entirely.   
She turned her attention to the masked Testificate who had been steadily inching closer. “Why are you garbed like a creeper?”  
“I live with creepers, mistress. They are my friends. I wear this because my eyes are sensitive from too much time underground. And my little friends seem to appreciate me trying to blend in with them. I have a whole tame herd of them if you’d like to meet them?”  
The priestess glanced at the lovers, “you surround yourselves with such interesting people. Would you mind if I stayed a while in your little kingdom?”  
“Stay as long as you wish,” Herobrine replied; stealthily masking his horror at the thought of the priestess moving in permanently. “But know that the people here worship me, so don’t bother them with preaching.”  
Beanz gave him a stricken look. “Is this true?”  
“It was their idea. They actually voted on it and named Steve as high priest.” He indicated the pale green gem on Steve’s armor and Beanz seemed to really notice it for the first time. The griefer puffed up his chest. “I’m here, Beanz. We protect them. Neither Jeb nor Notch stood up for them when their own people abused them just for loving the ‘wrong person’. They needed someone tangible to believe in.”  
“Aren’t you concerned about aggravating Notch with this blasphemy?”  
“Well, of course I am! But Notch has never stopped trying to destroy me. And I’m proud of what we’ve done here. I’d rather suffer for doing something I believe is just and right. Notch pursuing me for it only steeps him in even more evil. I can’t understand why he still hates me so much anyway. Haven’t I been tormented enough already? Wait… Beanz, is this Jeb’s concern or your own?”  
“My own,” she replied. “Jeb has gone away for the moment.”  
Steve stepped up next to his mate. “Would Jeb side with us against Notch, mistress?”  
“I do not think so,” she said sadly. “Notch is stronger then him and he also fears being ejected from the world if he interferes too much. Notch can reach him even more easily then he can get at any of us.”  
The god slumped at the news. “I understand… Well if there is nothing else, I have a wall to finish and then I wish to take my husband home to rest.”  
“That’s probably for the best. We will talk again, Herobrine, Steve. Is there a place here I can stay or should I build something?”   
Flicker piped up, “Would you like to stay with me mistress? I have plenty of room and I’ll even make you dinner.”   
The priestess looked at the small Testificate’s hopeful pose as she practically bounced on her heels in suppressed joy. She glanced at the lovers who nodded almost imperceptibly that it was safe, before accepting Flicker’s hand to be led away. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine shifted the wall as his husband watched him idly. The griefer shot his lover a thought. ‘Can I ask you if you know what Jeb actually meant about you making a monster of yourself not being the answer?”  
Steve colored, he knew it would be useless to lie to his mate. ‘I turned myself partly into a raptor while guarding your sleep. I don’t even know how I did it.’   
Herobrine froze, so startled that he spoke aloud. “Was it in response to a direct threat?”   
“Yes.”  
The griefer made a miserable face. “I’ve wished a thousand times that I’d never done that to you; now a thousand and one.” He covered his glowing eyes with his hands. “Your perfect flesh knows the form of a beast and it’s all my fault.”   
“Please don’t blame yourself like that.” Steve pleaded, “I pushed you into doing it. How could either of us have known that just being in a different skin would have a lasting effect? You do it to yourself all the time. You don’t feel different afterwards, do you?”   
“I don’t know… I’ve always been able to change my form. Maybe your body just handles it differently…? I…” Herobrine looked at the remaining stretch of wall sadly. “I want to go home,” he mumbled.   
“What?”   
The god kicked the stone with his golden boot and the wall shifted dark gray in a wave of bedrock. He slumped in exhaustion. “My hearts hurt.” He said sadly. “I’m in mourning for all that we’ve lost running for our lives. I just want to go home. I miss our tower.”  
“But Zile said there was nothing left.”   
Herobrine’s expression was pained. “I know we can’t really go back. My true home is always wherever you are. But I’m still sad. I can’t believe Jeb is here. I feel like there’s a giant eyeball trained on me right now. I know he said he’s proud of me, but I still want to scuttle away and hide in the dark like a spider. Even though I understand why he wouldn’t side with us, his refusal still makes me not want to trust him; or any other gods.”  
Steve gave him a helpless look. “Well if we know he won’t help, it’s a good excuse to keep him at arms length.”  
“Jeb scares me Steve. I feel so helpless and small. I can’t even imagine how he must make you feel. I… I don’t’ want to talk about it anymore. Can we just go back to our house? I’m so tired.”   
Steve gave him an understanding look. “Of course we can. We're both exhausted.”


	96. Homemade No-Clip Pie

As the two walked quietly, a cheerful voice startled them both. Alex trotted over from a nearby rise and joined them.   
“Hey guys. Are you ever going to come over to my place and get your horses?”  
The two exchanged a look. Herobrine gave her a small smile. “I’m sorry Alex, I don’t want to be a burden but, our house is still just two small rooms. Steve’s brothers have been sleeping in town just because there’s no room for them yet.”  
“Okay, as long as there is a good reason. Can I get you to come over to my house before you go home? I want to show you something.”   
Steve looked at his husband. Herobrine looked tired but gave him a mental affirmative.   
“Oh good,” Alex rushed ahead, “I’ll meet you there.”   
“You’re curious, aren’t you?” Steve asked cautiously. “You want to see what Jeb thinks you left behind.”  
“I am” he answered grudgingly. “But I don’t want to feel like we’re putting everyone else in danger by being gone all the time. And I’m also afraid it might be some kind of trap.”  
“Even though he helped us before?”   
“But you heard him say he wouldn’t take our side openly…”  
Steve thought about it for a long moment. “We really don’t have any idea what their world looks like, or what kind of situation Jeb is actually dealing with. So let’s not be too hasty in judging him.”   
Herobrine kicked a cobble morosely. “It’s still galling.”  
“Maybe we should go…” Steve mused, “We are Notch’s primary targets after all; we could be doing the others a favor by shifting the attention away from them for a while. We could use the elytra, travel lightly and quietly and be back before our absence causes a problem. My brothers can protect both towns, and we have Flicker and her creepers now too.”  
Herobrine frowned, “you make a good argument. But do you really want to hit the road again so soon after getting back?”   
“Why not? Let’s get it over with so we can settle down. It’s only going to eat at you otherwise. I know you’re as curious as an ocelot sometimes.”   
As the house comes into view, Alex waves at them from over a fence. “Come on in, I need to show you something.”  
“What is it?” Steve asked curiously.   
“Well, I hope you don’t mind, but I took two of those weird white pumpkins out of your yard and made pies out of them…”  
“And now you want me to eat one of them to see if it’s safe,” Herobrine finished sourly.   
“No! Not at all! After what happened the other day, I tried it on myself, it’s not like I can’t respawn. And you’ll never believe what happened.”  
“What?” Steve prompted her.   
“It lets you walk through walls! The effect doesn’t last long and you can tell when it’s wearing off pretty easily. But it looks really wild to see the insides of blocks.”   
The two followed her into the house and beheld the pie that Alex had made. The crust was normal but the filling was dead white and had the faintest glow to it. Steve eyed it warily, “are you sure it’s safe?”   
“Of course, I told you I tried it myself already, just have a little bite. Don’t be a weenie.”   
The miner swallowed nervously before taking a bite of the pie. It barely had any flavor and it felt wobbly in his mouth. “I don’t feel any different...”   
Alex motioned eagerly, “try pushing on the wall.”  
Steve put out a shaking hand and jumped in alarm as his hands passed through the stone as easily as air.   
“It looks even stranger if you put your head in and look around.”  
Herobrine watched with amusement as Steve pressed his square head against the wall and slipped inside it like a ghost.   
“Whoah, it’s sort of inside out but the same as the outside and solid gray all at the same time!”  
“I told you.” Alex replied, “And it will push you out if you’re still clipped in as it starts to wear off. Could be handy if you get trapped somewhere without a tool to break blocks.”   
‘This is true,” Herobrine beamed, “and it’s excellent work as well… but… Alex. There’s a small chance me and Steve might, disappear for a while again. I don’t want you to worry about us. But I need to know you’ll stay and watch over our allies and not follow us.”  
Alex frowned. “So soon? It seems like you just got back…”  
“We’re still talking about it.” The griefer replied. “I just need to hear it from your lips that you’ll stay. You’re the only one I know we can trust to make decisions and keep everyone safe.”   
The archer gave them both a sad look. “I will stay. I promise. But be careful please. I don’t want to lose my best friends.”  
Steve hugged her warmly. “We always come home again Alex. You can count on that.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

Down the path Steve gave his lover a determined face. “I think if the compass is going to show us the way; we should fly as far as we can in whatever direction it points. It’ll be faster if we go just the two of us anyway.”   
Herobrine grimaced.   
“I know you don’t like flying…”  
“That’s an understatement Steve. Thinking about plunging from the sky with my arms wrapped around you and then opening them to find them empty despite my efforts? It haunts me.” He looked down at his boots, “you saved me that night, saved my faith in love too. I never dreamed anyone would care enough to not just leave me there until the world forgot my name…”   
“I would never…” Steve gathered the morose god in his arms. “You are my everything. I’ve never been more afraid then the time I spent tending you. I would have given my soul to see you healed.”   
Herobrine's voice was muffled as he pressed himself against his husband's broad chest, "My lamb..."  
"Yes. Now and forever; yours."


	97. Griefers Flight and The Shipwreck

The griefer and his mate stood proudly at the top of a vast jungle tree that rose from the ridge above the village. The faint sound of their quibbling was blow away on the breeze. “It’s a shame there aren’t any decent mountain biomes around here.” Steve muttered, “I bet we’ll need a lot of height to get even half-way there.”  
“We could always make a nerd pole,” Herobrine mused.   
“I hate leaving those lying around, but I guess there’s nothing for it. Are you going to be a bug again?”   
Herobrine smiled, “you know that’s an offer I can’t refuse dear.”   
Steve looked down, “I can see the whole village from up here, from one edge to the other; our whole world my love. It all looks so small…”  
Herobrine cloaked himself in a diaphanous fog, and when the wind blew it away as well; only an endermite with glowing white eyes remained. His tone in his husbands mind had a touch of sadness. “Sometimes, I would hope, small things can be the most important things of all?”  
Steve scooped him up with a sigh. The bugs shell was warm, but rapidly cooling to the levels of what he was imitating. The miner held him lovingly cradled in his arms. Herobrine let out an electrical hum, just happy to be held. “I put so much faith in you my lamb, I’m as fragile as an eggshell in your hands.”  
Steve laid a kiss on the shell of the bug. “Then I’ll be ever so gentle with you.”  
The human tucked his shirt in and belted over it tightly. He shivered in pleasurable irritation as Herobrine wiggled down inside his clothing and snuggled against his chest.   
“I’m ready.”   
With a nod Steve laid down a cobble and jumped on top of it. Then he made a pole of wool, trusting that lighting would eventually hit it and burn the unsightly thing down to the cobble. Soon they found themselves surrounded by clouds.   
“Don’t look down my lamb; it will only make you queasy.”  
Steve’s lip trembled and he forced himself to look straight ahead.   
“Don’t be afraid,” Herobrine whispered, “you’ve done this before. And your elytra won’t fail you; I tended to them myself before we left. All you have to do is spread your angel wings.”   
The human pulled out the compass and looked at it for the tenth time that day. Angling his body to face the place where the needle rested.   
“Think of the trust I put in you my lamb… and fly.”  
Steve leaned forward, feeling every pixel of his fragile human flesh cry out in self-preservation. He stepped off the pole and fell a few blocks in silent terror before the elytra caught the wind and carried them away. The gale whipped through his short hair and he was glad of the square teeth and back-plate that kept him from losing his helm. He looked at the compass again and angled himself to follow the invisible thread as the land rolled and sped by underneath them.   
Herobrine snuggled close and he put an arm under the precious bug to steady him.   
‘Even when you soar like a dragon, you still think of me. So sweet. I’ll even resist the urge to nibble on the tantalizing nips I’m sharing your shirt with.’  
Steve bit his lip at the thought. ‘Seeing as me curling into your touch might make us crash; I’d say that’s a good thing.’   
‘Nips are a small temptation anyway,’ Herobrine answered pleasantly. ‘I wouldn’t mind crawling down into your pants either. Apparently if I blow air through my shell I can vibrate too.’   
The human’s countenance twisted with want as his husband huffed some air out with a little hiss and the entirety of his small body buzzed inside Steve’s shirt.   
“OH GODS, Please don’t do that to me right now!”   
‘Sorry Steve! I’ll wait until we land.’  
“Oh no!” The miner shouted aloud. He banked sharply and started descending in a tight spiral.   
Unable to see from inside the shirt Herobrine squeaked, ‘what’s wrong! Why are we going down?’   
“It’s an ocean! And I can’t see the other side. I don’t want to slowly angle down and end up having to swim in cold water hoping to find a distant shore.”  
‘Damn, I had really been hoping to take the elytra farther then that.’  
“Me too, but this is not something I want to leave to fate. Hey! There’s a beached ship down there. Maybe we can fix it up, or hitch a ride.”   
Steve skidded lightly as his diamond boots hit the sand. He stood there panting for a moment and then undid his belt so Herobrine could escape his shirt. The miner doubled over with a surprised shout as the bug slipped into his pants and twiddled tiny feet over his nethers. The mite took a deep breath and buzzed for all he was worth. His husband nearly fainting as the vibrations shook him to the core.   
Herobrine popped out of Steve’s pants and unfolded himself into his proper shape. “I’ll have to remember that one for later…”   
“You’re terrible!”  
“It’s the nature of the beast, my lamb. Come on; let’s have a look at this ship, it’s getting dark.”  
“I think it was just a bit back up the coast this way.”   
The griefer looked into the deep woods they’d flown over; dense groves of spruce trees growing in podzol. There were already spiders and creepers gathering in the shadows beyond the fading sunlight. He hurried Steve along. “At the least, maybe we can fortify it and spend the night there.   
The light was almost gone as the two reached the boat. Herobrine touched the side of it tentatively. “I don’t like this.”   
“Holy… is that netherbrick?” Steve exclaimed. “Who makes a boat out of bricks?”   
“Well it is floating. And I don’t think we have much choice. I can already hear the mobs spawning in and I don’t want to spend the night fighting. The sails look bad, but I still think we could fix it up enough to take it out in the morning. We’ll just go inside and block off a little room to sleep in.”  
As the two men went below decks a little rain started to fall outside. A flash of distant lightning briefly illuminated a hump in a corner near the prow, and when it came again moments later, the odd shape was gone.   
Steve struck a torch to light and Herobrine winced as the sudden flash hurt his delicate eyes. “Warn me, okay? I can see just fine.”   
The interior of the ship was just a bunch of empty rooms with a scattering of broken trunks and hunks of wood. Outside the approaching storm made the waves rise around the boat and batter against the shore. Steve squeezed Herobrine’s hand for reassurance, and he could see the loving smile offered in return by the light of his husband’s eyes.   
“Come on, let’s sleep. I think things may look better in the morning.”   
With a nod, Steve produced a bed from his inventory and plopped it down on the floor. While Herobrine set to fixing holes in the wall and blocking the doorway with plank cubes.   
The two lay down on the bed and curled against one another under the thin blankets.   
“If I must sleep tonight my lamb, maybe we should test your theory about growing the seed with a transfer of energy first?”  
Steve made a sleepy face, “what did you have in mind?”   
“Nothing that requires much effort on either of our parts; I was intending to give you some blood. I know you don’t mind the taste, so I was just going to let you suckle for a bit.”  
“If that’s what you want. I don’t want to hurt you for no reason.”  
Herobrine gave him a lascivious look, “the feel of your lips drawing on my skin should be enough to numb the pain.”  
“You certainly know how to convince me…”  
“Good. I think it will take a lot to make a difference in the seed, so I’ll hurt myself just so I don’t bleed too much.”  
He noted his lover’s suddenly watery eyes. “Please don’t cry Steve. I want us to be protected while we dream. We need a stronger fort against our foe.”  
“I understand…”  
Herobrine took out his scythe with a grimace and pressed the crook of his arm against the point of the blade, the hole was deep and blood was soon welling freely. He offered it to his mate; “quickly, Steve, before it dribbles on the floor.”  
The human took his gods arm gently and lapped at the wound. The blood tasted just as he remembered. It was thick, a sweet syrup that tasted of coffee and made his body tingle with his god’s energy.   
Herobrine petted his lover’s hair idly, relaxing into the feel of his acolyte suckling at his skin. There was pain, but he ignored it. “Take as much as your stomach will hold, I promise I’ll be fine.”   
Steve answered him mentally, ‘I feel like I have a hot core in the center of me, it’s pulsing with your energy. I can’t take much more; it’s starting to burn me from the inside.’   
Herobrine pushed him gently away, “then that will be enough. Can you keep it down?” He pulled out a raw steak and gobbled it, forcing his body to use the energy to close the small wound. He felt a little light-headed from the loss, but otherwise intact.   
“I’ll try.” Steve replied, “It feels like when you come inside me at full strength. My poor belly is bloated like I somehow drank lava.”   
“There, there my lamb, you’ve a strong stomach. Here, lay with me and I’ll soothe you to sleep.” The griefer gathered his mate to himself and turned his glitch down for once, making his skin cool for his husband. Curling himself around Steve’s slightly rounded belly like a block of packed ice and chilling his feverish brow.   
“Just sleep lovely one. Listen to the waves and the wind, and the rain falling on the sea. Let us sail away to the land that is ours alone.”   
Steve’s eyes closed slowly, his last vision his lovers softly smiling face, and Herobrine followed him shortly thereafter.  
Outside the waves were rising higher, and the little ship lifted gracefully off the beach as the tide bore it upwards. The wind whipped at the half-tied sails and pushed itself into them; driving the vessel even further out to sea.


	98. Riders on the Waves

The lovers awoke into absolute darkness. Steve could see nothing until Herobrine also opened his eyes and dimly lit the small space with them. The weak glow illuminated the dirt box they’d made around themselves. They could hear the sounds of a storm outside, but it seemed far away and not as loud as it should have been for the thickness of the walls.   
Herobrine took one of the small bits of coal that had been in the trunk and fashioned a torch, but the feeble flame only served to make their shadows deeper.  
“I think I’ll have a look outside,” The griefer said slowly. “Something feels… different.”   
Steve’s reply was also hushed. “The air in here feels cold. More like a cave then a shelter.”  
“I agree. Let’s see what we can see.” Herobrine reached up and knocked away a block of dirt from the ceiling. His mouth fell open as the dirt fell away to reveal naked gray stone above it. He tried a wall instead and found it was the same in every direction. They’d been blocked in with natural stone as if it had grown up around them. “I wonder if…” Herobrine cut a path a little ways forward and then cut straight up until he was able to open a hole that showed sky above. The thunder was suddenly tenfold louder and cold rain poured down through the small opening. The griefer replaced the stone with a cobble, hiding the sky and blocking out the rain. He shivered from the brief dousing.   
“I think I understand what’s happening Steve. Remember when Jeb said to let the seed be your shield? I think you and I are the core of this seed. When we make it larger it builds up around us in every direction. By exchanging energies we build a protective shell around our resting place. Maybe Notch can’t breach the layers since you were instrumental in creating them.”   
Steve shivered, “it’s a good thing you can break blocks with your fists, we’d be buried alive otherwise.”  
“I’m not sure that would matter here. I’ve yet to feel hunger or thirst and I haven’t heard you complain of either either.”  
“Well I guess that makes sense if this is mostly or entirely mental anyway… Then all we really need is a small, safe place to sleep.” Steve mused, “We might as well rest. We’ll build up the seed a few more times before we try to go topside again.”   
“I have no objections my lamb; I’m already wet and cold. I’m perfectly happy to stay out of the rain.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine woke to the sound of thunder. “Well, so much for staying out of the rain…” He bolted up in bed, “and we’re… moving? Steve wake up!”  
The miner mumbled in his sleep and curled his arms tightly around his lover’s waist. “Don’t wanna, just five more ticks please?”  
“Steve, we’re sailing!”  
“We’re what?!” Steve woke with a start. “Are we being kidnapped?”  
“I don’t know, and I certainly can’t check with you clinging to me.”   
“Oh, sorry.”   
The two quietly threw on their armor and stowed the bed before clearing the blocks away from the doorway. The hall outside was just as empty and gloomy as before. And the only sound apart from the rain was the grinding of nether-bricks as the little ship adjusted to the push and pull of the violent waves outside. The pair climbed the stairs, but hesitated before venturing out onto the deck.   
“I don’t see anyone,” Steve said nervously. “I wonder if the tide just carried us out?”   
“Perhaps… you stay here, I’ll check above.” With a soft *bamf* Herobrine teleported to the top of the main mast and surveyed the deck of the ship. The wheel was moving idly and they seemed to be alone. The cold wind and rain battered him as he strained his eyes to their limits but there was no visible shore in any direction. He reappeared behind Steve thoroughly wet and unhappy. “We’re in the middle of nowhere with no land in sight. Check the compass, are we at least headed the right way?”   
Steve pulled out the golden bauble and stared at it. “Relatively. Can we turn the ship at all? It wouldn’t take much of a correction to get us on the right track.”  
“I’m not sure. You stay here, I’ll check the rudder, and make sure it’s still connected to the wheel.”   
The miner pressed himself against the wall and watched the darkness as his husband searched below. He caught sight of something bobbing in the water, but the driving rain and waves made it too hard to see. He heard the sound of his husband teleporting through the floor and the ship groaned as he took the wheel above. The hulk turned slowly towards the place where the needle pointed, but it also brought them nearer to the white shape in the water.   
Lightning streaked through the sky as they approached and Steve screamed in alarm. The apparition broke into several and the trap horse cried horribly as its rider and fellows spawned in beside it. The waves pounded them as they tried to hold onto their floundering mounts.   
Herobrine jumped down from the wheelhouse, attracted by the shrieking of his mate. Steve pointed frantically, “We have to save them!”   
The griefer shook his head in wonder. “Only because you asked, you never cease to amaze me.” Herobrine ran to the rail, shouting to try and get the attention of the undead. “Swim this way! We’ll help you!”   
Steve ran up beside him with a ball of yellow wool and tied one end to the railing. He threw the ball at the riders as hard as he could. He ducked an arrow even as one of them caught the lead and began reeling it in. He frantically repeated the gesture with several more colorful balls, even as arrows thunked into the side of the ship and whistled over his head. Three of the riders attached the leads to their horses and started pulling themselves closer to the vessel. The fourth refused the line and kept firing, even as a rogue wave carried him and his horse away.   
The god’s square biceps bulged as he hauled the horses onto the deck. And the remaining three skeletons climbed the other leads on their own. One of them nocked an arrow and pointed it at Steve. But before he could fire Herobrine snatched the bow from him and threw it overboard.   
He snarled menacingly; “anyone else want to start a fight?” He shouted to be heard over the wind. “Hold your fire or I’ll throw you right back over the side! Now take your horses below so they aren’t washed overboard!”   
The undead glared fiercely at the griefer and the human, but the panicked cries of their skeletal horses overrided their killer instincts, and they did as he commanded.   
Herobrine sent himself back up the wheel; he sent a message directly to his mates mind. ‘You watch from the doorway, my lamb. Tell me if we’re veering off course. Hopefully the storm will let up soon.’  
The square sun turned the sky a sickly rose as it passed over the massed clouds, and then fell under the horizon again. It wasn’t until it was fully dark again that the sky cleared, revealing a full moon and more stars then Steve had ever seen so clearly.   
Herobrine was practically slumped over the wheel. Exhausted from fighting the storm but happy to have triumphed. As the last of the noise faded away, the trio of skeletons ventured above decks again. Steve pressed himself against the outer wall as they approached, his panic calling Herobrine to his side.   
The god puffed himself up, trying to look as powerful as possible in his wet and disheveled state. “This is not a situation that needs to last.” He said evenly. “My mate and I only need to reach the land again and you can take this ship as our gift to command as you please.”   
Steve pulled at his sleeve. “Do you hear that…?”  
All heads turned to face the source of the quiet noise. It was like a hum, a gentle buzzing, and the tapping of lots of tiny feet.   
“GET INSIDE” Herobrine screamed.   
Near the tapering front of the ship a lumpy shadow seemed to detach itself from the deck and advance on them. Everyone scrambled through the narrow doorway and Herobrine blocked the opening just as the monster slammed into the wall with a cacophony of clicks and buzzes.   
“Well,” the griefer said sarcastically, “we could just stay here and hope it goes away.”  
Steve pulled out the compass, “no we can’t, we’re going off course again because no one is at the wheel.”  
The monster slammed itself against the wall again and the skeletons clung to one another in terror. Their horses were crying at the end of the corridor below as well and it only added to their panic.   
“Do you still have your diamond spear Steve?”   
“I didn’t think I’d need it! Sorry!”  
“Dammit, my scythe is no good for jabbing.” He addressed the skeletons directly, “look we could be out here for ages if this thing gets us off course. If I open a one-block hole, will you shoot whatever is out there through it?”  
The skeletons looked grimly at the griefer’s stern face and Steve’s wide blue eyes as he silently pleaded with them to cooperate. Finally they nodded in agreement. They were short one bow, but the two that remained armed made ready while Herobrine stood by to open the wall. At the signal he dropped the block with a fist and the skeletons let loose their arrows into the terrifyingly large insect outside.   
“Get it to back off from the door and I’ll go out and kill it!” Herobrine shouted, taking his scythe in hand. The skeletons said nothing, but continued firing, advancing on the small opening. The giant endermite clawed at the walls, trying to get to them but also avoid the painful bolts that studded its small face. An arrow found its mark in a multifaceted eye and it bucked in pain. The chittering hardly increased in volume though and somehow that fact made it all the more terrifying.   
Herobrine braced himself, “hold your fire!”   
The bug had only a few seconds to register the absence of projectiles before the griefer was bearing down on it. With a wild howl he cut where the bug’s throat should have been, nearly severing the head. A spray of purple fluids and strange sparkles gushed forth and the beast gave a shudder before falling over, quite dead. The god allowed himself a small moment of triumph as the group congratulated one another, and looked down at the hulk of a body. His eyes widened at a familiar sight. Herobrine wrapped thick fingers around one of the two hard panes that covered the giant beetle’s wings and lifted it. “Steve, what does this look like to you?”  
The miner looked for a second and then exclaimed, “My elytra!”  
“Good eye.” Herobrine lifted up the panes and cut them away with his scythe before storing them in his own inventory. “You never know when we might need a spare pair. Now, how about helping me throw the rest of this corpse overboard? I can give it to you on good authority that endermites are not edible.”


	99. The Tamed Lion

Steve stood beside Herobrine as he steered, watching the little needle on the compass. He spoke to his mate internally. “If we find a small landmass, should we stop to look for supplies?’  
‘No. I don’t trust these guys. I think they’ll leave us behind once we’re out of sight. Just eat what you have sparingly and I’ll give you my food if need be. You know I hardly I need any. Once we find a good sized coastline we’ll part ways with them and then if there’s water again we’ll just build small boats and do it like that. It wouldn’t be the first time. These aren’t your crew Steve. They won’t burn with those enchanted helms and this truce wasn’t made to last.’   
Steve glanced around, “that might be sooner then you think…! TURN! WE’RE ABOUT TO CRASH!”  
A slow-loading chunk in front of the ship suddenly resolved itself in a sheer cliff face and both men dragged frantically at the wheel to keep the ship from plowing into the wall of rock. The skeletons grabbed at bits of the deck and masts as the boat rocked violently in the water and thumped ungracefully against the wall. The largest mast scraped the stone but thankfully did not break.   
Steve held the compass up and the needle pointed directly at the wall. “Damn.”   
“Well I guess this is our stop. Ships all yours guys," he shouted. "It’s been awesome sailing with you.” And then ‘let’s go my lamb, before they change their minds about letting us.’   
‘I have my stuff, how are we doing this?’  
‘Just hang on.’   
Before Steve could process the small remark Herobrine grabbed him around the waist and jumped onto the railing. He made a hop teleport to the top of the crows nest and then to the narrow edge of the mast that had scraped the stone. He stood for a moment as the ship swayed under him, doing the math, and then was gone with a *bamf* reappearing at the top of the mountain ridge.   
An arrow flew over their heads and tumbled into the deep canyon on the other side, but he could tell their hearts weren’t in it really.   
Steve lay flat on the ground, his fingers dug into the grass and dirt under him. The ridge was so high he could have stuck his head into a passing cloud and he was frozen with fear at the sheer altitude and thinness of the air. Herobrine sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulders.   
“Tell you what; we’ll cut a staircase down inside the rock instead of flying. And then we have a path if we come back this way to go home. Okay?”  
Steve shook his head wordlessly in assent.   
“I’ll get started okay? You stay here and calm down.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine worked his way down inside the cliff; occasionally stopping to make an air hole to check his progress and the path of the sun outside. As the shadows beyond the holes became longer he made a small room and called upward to his mate. At first there was no answer and the griefer mounted the stairs with a sigh. At the halfway mark of the twisty stair he heard a brief and unmanly scream and the diamond clack of Steve coming down at a fast pace. The god took the steps two at a time only to be knocked down by his lover. The two of them tumbled painfully to the bottom and came to a stop on the flat floor of the little room. Steve managed to scramble to his feet and block the doorway with cobbles just as the sounds of many zombies became audible to Herobrine’s ringing ears.   
The griefer lay on the ground with a sour expression. “I think my left leg is broken. You fell directly on it when we hit the floor.”  
Steve rushed back to him, “I’m sorry! They spawned all around me at the top and there wasn’t enough space to fight them on the stairs. So they chased me down and then a bat flew in my face and made me fall!”  
“You are forgiven my lamb, but I think I want to rest here a while anyway. You said we were low on supplies?”  
“A little bit.”  
“Take the dirt from the walls and plant what you have under torchlight.” Herobrine took out a chunk of raw meat and swallowed it nearly whole. There was an audible click as his bones slid back into alignment, and he flopped back on the floor in relief. He rustled around in his inventory again and came up with six touchies crawling on his hand. “These should help fill our coffers.”  
“Good thinking! I’ll get to work once you’re situated.” Steve pulled out his bed and helped his husband onto it before tucking him in. 

* * * * * * * * * *

When Herobrine awoke again it was to the sight of glowing white pumpkins and the smell of freshly turned loam and plants. Steve noticed he was awake and passed him a sugar cane. He chewed it gratefully.   
“Hey, I want to show you something!” The miner said excitedly.  
“Hm?”  
The human proudly canted his head down to show the top of his helm. The six touchies were pinched onto the eye ridges of the skull and two of them were hiding in the nostril holes. “I think they like me. They sat on me until I was done planting and then they flew around and touched everything and came right back. I was afraid I’d get pinched if I moved too quickly but they don’t seem to care at all now.”  
Herobrine smiled, “I’m proud of you. But they’ve only proved what I knew all along. What a tranquil and gentle soul you have Steve.”  
The rough miner blushed softly and gave his husband an affectionate kiss.   
The griefer looked at him slyly. “Just like old times huh? Just you and me my lamb; on the open road to who knows where. We’re even hiding in a small dirty room in the side of a mountain.”  
Steve made a shy face at the memory of what had happened last time those circumstances had been met. He crawled up on the bed. “But this time my beloved god, I have a tool to protect me from your heat and could take my time…”  
The griefer groaned lowly, “I would love that, to let my priest take me sweetly on our bed.”  
Steve raised an eyebrow, “I was thinking something a bit more profane…”   
The god licked his lips, “Now that’s what I like to hear, you have my full attention.”  
“You like being warm and fuzzy sometimes. Perhaps the lamb should take the lion?”  
Herobrine quivered with pleasure. “I’m so glad I’ve been such a bad influence on you…Your beast will happily submit to you. Give me a moment.” Herobrine sat up on the bed, “Let me have a little of your yarn.”  
Steve passed him a bit of purple string with a confused look and watched the griefer fashion the individual pixels it into a sort of collar. He snapped it around his neck, leaving it very loose, and then focused on shifting his form.  
The god’s body seemed to melt into fog and reform as the mist dispersed. In it’s place was a golden cat, nearly the size of a cow. Kittybrine yawned and his fangs were as long as Steve’s fingers.   
A little intimidated, but determined to see it through after opening his mouth. Steve stripped himself, keeping hold of the remaining wool and twisting some of it into a sort of leash. The brine crept closer and put his head down submissively so the human could affix the skinny lead to the collar. Then he waited patiently until his mate was naked before creeping closer. Steve gave him a nervous look and Herobrine spoke inside his mind.   
‘Don’t look so jittery. You know I won’t hurt you. And I’m the one volunteering to be penetrated. Perhaps we should warm up a little?’  
“Maybe…”  
Herobrine nuzzled his furry head in between his mate’s thighs and took a deep draught of his musky scent. He extended his long, wide tongue, shifting its texture a little before licking Steve’s privates. The human shivered. It felt amazing. It was warm and wet and his skin prickled at the unfamiliar texture. He felt himself hardening as his monstrous husband laved every inch lovingly.   
A gigantic paw was placed on his chest and kittybrine pushed him back on the bed. The griefer wanted every inch of him, bathing his lover’s skin in spittle as he suckled and licked. Steve was twitching, hard and dribbling. The brine hovered over him, his equipment pendulous and huge as it brushed softly on the human’s belly. The miner was clawing at him, in desperate need.   
‘I think you’re ready enough. Will you prepare me as well? Only my entrance needs attention.’  
“Gladly. Let me get my sock first though.”   
The huge cat watched with amusement as Steve struggled into the ghast sleeve and tied the straps neatly around his waist. “I’m ready.”  
Steve grabbed the lead and kittybrine allowed himself to be gently tugged into a crouched pose with his ass in the air. He bared his teeth in masochistic pleasure as Steve lifted his tail and held the leash tight. The human put his face next to the cat’s hairy cubes and kissed them causing his lover to make a tiny mew in surprise.   
“Aww, even huge and fearsome, you’re still a housecat inside.”   
‘It’s your fault. You domesticated me. I’m fat and lazy from all the good food and sex. Now at least lick me please, I feel like my cock is going to explode from wanting.’  
“Haha, okay. Anything for my god.”   
Steve knelt reverently and laid his tongue on the puckered hole. It was tight and clean and he lavished it with gently sweeps of his tongue as the cat shivered. Kittybrine was mewling pitifully with need as his backward knees trembled under the assault. Steve poked his tongue inside and the brines eyes rolled back. He pushed backwards desperately wanting more, needing to be spread wide.   
‘Oh gods this is such torture! I can’t even play with myself because I don’t have thumbs! Please touch me more!’  
With a slightly naughty grin Steve cupped the cat’s testicles and kneaded the furry cubes gently. Kittybrine was yowling now, making a wild cacophony of needy noises, ‘please fuck me my lamb! I’m helpless and I need your love.’ Kittybrine began treading the blankets, shredding them with his huge claws and sucking desperately on the pillow as his body screamed for his mate to just take him. Steve pulled his tail wickedly, tugging the leash as he spread the cat’s anus wide. He put the leash in the same hand as the tail and coated his sleeve with slime.   
The brine’s body was pumping out extra heat like a furnace and he panted desperately with purely animal need. He rutted backwards, begging for more. Steve bellied up to him finally and set the tip of his slimy rod at the cat’s entrance, just denting the skin and teasing him with the tip.   
The great cat yowled unhappily, turning back with a pleading face. ‘Take me. You are my master.’   
Steve felt his whole face turn red with shock. He’d never presume such a thing, not even in joking. But he assumed Herobrine was merely caught up in the moment and playing his part to the hilt. And if that was what his husband wanted now, he would oblige. The human pushed forward, feeling the tight skin part and slide snugly around his throbbing erection. Steve shivered at the thought of the roaring inferno that the translucent skin was keeping at bay.   
His mate was mewling, making tiny growls and shuddering at the intrusion in a body shape that had never felt it before. Kittybrine pushed backwards, jamming furry hips against Steve’s. ‘Don’t be gentle.’   
The human let the leash fall slack and grabbed the cat by the scruff, making him freeze up instinctually. He wrapped his other hand around the cat’s hip and slammed into him. Kittybrine mewled and yowled, pleading and crying out as if he were in pain. He bit and clawed at the bed, making a show as if he would escape the much weaker creature mercilessly screwing his rear.   
Steve doubled his efforts, his arousal whipping his adrenaline into overdrive. He pounded with all his might until the yowling beast came explosively. Seizing as the ropes of sticky cum spurted out on the bed in a tangled mess of white pixels. The twitching ass seemed to wring him dry as he also came, pumping the thin sock full with his seed. He slumped over his hairy mate, feeling the soft golden fur tickle his face. The great beast heaved under him, falling with a wet splat into the sticky mess he’d made, and taking the human down with him. Steve clung to him desperately, softening inside his guts but reluctant to disengage. Kittybrine twisted his body awkwardly and licked his lovers face. ‘That was amazing. I should let you be in charge more often.’  
“I think I’m more comfortable leaving that to you.” Steve worked himself out gently, watching the blissful expression on the cats face. “Besides, I love your human form. I just thought this would be a fun diversion.”  
‘And you were right!’ The cat twisted in his grip and pounced on his husband. He put his giant paws on the small human and licked his face and chest as his squirmed. Steve squiggled under the great weight, feeling the cold wet squish of the cats cum matted hair covering everything from his waist down with slime. ‘You made me all messy, now I’m gonna repay the favor. I slept and ate; I think I’ve got one more in me…’  
“What are you doing Herobrine?”  
‘Just having a quicky,’ with a mischievous growl Kittybrine scrubbed his hairy body against Steve’s helpless form until his thorny cock was visible again. He rutted against his mate, purring and making needy mews. His tongue lolled and dribbled as he panted, rubbing his cock between his belly and his mates. Steve watched what he was doing with growing alarm.   
The griefer came with the tiniest mew, barely an exhalation of air. But his semen spurted upward like a geyser and Steve squeezed his eyes as the hot fluid splattered all over his chest and chin.   
“Herobrine!” He whined “Why?!”  
‘Animal instincts? I gotta mark my mate.’   
“Uuugh. Get off me. What a mess.”  
Kittybrine dismounted with a grin. ‘As master wishes’.   
“Aww, cut it out. It doesn’t suit you at all.”   
Herobrine let his form dissolve and reform in his usual human state. He was naked and dripping with his own cum. “Thankfully I have lava and you have the water you poured in the floor this time. What a miserable mess I am.” He chuckled lightly, pouring the measly two buckets of lava into a fresh hole in the floor. The god washed himself thoughtfully.   
Steve paused in his after care. “Hey, you’re not mad I asked you to be an animal are you?   
“What? No! It’s fine. You and I are going to be together for a very long time. A little role-play keeps things fresh.”  
“Good.” Steve sighed. “But now I’m tired.”   
“Well, take a nap.” Herobrine said brightly. “I’ll work for a while and we’ll set off again once you’re awake.”  
“Okay, but I’m going to sleep in my armor. It’ll save us some time.” Steve cast a nervous glance at the blocked up door. They could still faintly hear the scratching of zombies outside it. “I don’t feel terribly safe and I don’t want to linger here. Thank goodness mobs can’t dig.” Steve finished cleaning himself and got dressed again before breaking down the ruined bed and resetting it to change the shredded sheets. He flopped gratefully onto the fresh bed. His last sight was the glow in Herobrine’s eyes as the griefer kissed him goodnight.


	100. Weird Science

Steve woke from the anxious dream with a vague memory of beady black eyes watching him. He shivered and looked around the room. It was empty except for the touchies that buzzed like a kinetic halo around his helm, his sudden wakefulness having disturbed them.   
As his breathing slowed to a normal pace he heard the soft sound of someone using a pickaxe on stone far below. The human gathered the make-shift garden in silence and picked up the bed. He glanced around the room a final time before stripping the torches from the walls and heading down the path Herobrine had made. At the bottom of the stairs the god was warming his hands in front of a roaring stone furnace.   
“I found a little iron,” he said simply. “It seemed a shame to waste it.”  
“Agreed. So… what’s the biome outside? I didn’t get a chance to see it.”  
The griefer grimaced, “one of my least favorites; extreme hills. I don’t know if we should climb it or just cut straight through.”  
“I say climb for now. I could use some sun. We’ll pick along at ground level and see how far we can get without mining.”  
“As my lamb wishes.”  
The two helped each-other along in silence for a while; moving up and down and through the narrow, winding crevasses. Steve looked up, shading his eyes from the white glare. “Hey, at least all the snow is at the top, right? There’s hardly any room for anything to spawn around us and if it does up there; the fall would surely kill it.”  
Herobrine grumbled in response. “I hope what we find is worth the effort. I really hope it’s not some kind of trap either.”  
There was a squeal ahead of them as a pig stumbled off the cliff and died in a burst of whitish dust against the ground. The two pork chops floated innocently above the ground and the god scooped them up.   
“Want a snack?”  
“Only if I can borrow your lava to cook it,” the miner replied, nearly stumbling off the edge of a dirt block.   
“Nah, I’ll take care of it.” Herobrine paused, turning up his glitch and focusing on his right hand. His fingers became blackened and elongated and the meat sizzled fragrantly in his palm. He offered it to Steve, and the human took it gingerly. It was just a tad too hot to hold comfortably.   
“Does it no longer hurt you to do that, my love?”  
The god flexed his overlarge hand and shook off the size and darkness like so much ink. “Meh, it’s a little bit uncomfortable; like doing a muscle stretch. But I don’t want you to eat raw meat just because we’re in a hurry.”  
“Thank you,” Steve replied gratefully, nibbling on the warm meat. “Hey… I hear something.”  
Herobrine pricked his ears and groaned. “Me too, they’re wolves and you know what that means?”  
The human thought for a moment and then frowned, “snow.”   
“Exactly. Fuck.”  
“At least you have your cloak now, it’s pretty heavy.”  
“Oh yes, it’s lovely warm. But it doesn’t make me any less aggravated.” The god wore a look of concern. “Do you have enough food in case it’s extensive?”  
“We could probably use some more meat, but I’ve got lots of vegetables now so we won’t starve. How are your supplies Herobrine?”  
‘I’m probably okay. You know I don’t need much and I’ll help you hunt. You know the desert is the only place that has no prey at all.”  
Steve gave him a loving hug, “but you won’t freeze in the desert. I worry about you, you know?”  
The griefer stared at him in wonderment. “Even after all this time those words still hit me the same. I can never express how much that truly means to me.”  
“I know. I love you Herobrine.”   
“I love you too Steve. Now come on my sweet lamb, let’s get this over with.”   
The two walked arm in arm out of the ravine and Steve watched the look of disgust bloom on the gods face as the biome loaded in. Spruce trees coated in snow towered over them and the ground was a white blanket that muffled the landscape. A bitterly cold wind washed over them and Herobrine shivered. In the distance a sheep let out a wail as it fell prey to a wolf.   
Steve took out the compass and the needle pointed right into the heart of the woods. “This makes me wish I had fur,” Herobrine said bitterly.   
Steve paused, “couldn’t you be? Could you just change into something fuzzy? If it’s small I’ll carry you.”   
Herobrine looked ready to shed a few tears. “You would, wouldn’t you? Just so I wouldn’t freeze. Would a cat be too much of a burden?”  
“Not at all,” Steve opened his arms generously. “I’m strong. Let me help you for a change.”  
Herobrine rolled himself up and popped out as a small cat with yellow fur. He leaped eagerly into Steve’s arms and cuddled close to him for warmth. The griefer wrapped himself around the human’s shoulders like a softly purring scarf. He shivered a little and Steve petted him as he crunched through the snow.   
The trees thinned and finally vanished entirely. Leaving the human to navigate a series of small frozen hills dotted with strange icy spires. The sun slid down close to the horizon and Steve drew out his enderpearl sword.   
“I don’t want to sleep tonight. It’s too cold here.” Steve complained. “I’m afraid we might not wake up.”   
The thought chilled Herobrine to the bone and he curled closer to his lover.   
Steve looked around. “I feel like we’re being watched too, though I don’t see anything.”  
Herobrine moved so his face was turned the way they’d come. “I’ll watch your back.”   
The human peered into the growing gloom and the moonlight beginning to shine on the snow. “Hey, there’s a building out there; made out of snow!”   
“Head for it. I can already hear the mobs starting to spawn in.”   
Steve broke into a run, his diamond boots crunching wetly in the icy drifts. The little building loaded in fully and the human ducked inside just as a few skeleton arrows flew into the front of it. Hisses and groans filtered in from outside as Steve panted on the other side of the door.   
The little space was indeed made of snow and barren of any decoration except for a hole in the floor with a ladder going down. Muted light spilled from the opening into the gloomy space.   
“Might as well explore a bit,” Herobrine said tentatively. “We have some time to kill before morning.”  
Steve nodded and slid down the ladder. The groan of a zombie was loud behind him and he jumped even before his boots hit the floor. The undead Testificate beat on the bars of the cage it was in. Nearby was a second cage with a normal zombie lying frozen and dead on the floor.   
The miner turned white as the other groaned at him in obvious distress. The griefer was a messed up puff of fur around his neck and he could feel the cat shaking slightly. The walls of the room were lined with alchemy equipment and trunks and a single dusty bed.   
Herobrine’s voice was soft in Steve’s head. “Please tell me you have at least one golden apple left.”  
“I do. But I don’t have the weakness potion.” Steve said helplessly.   
“Look around. I’m betting the ingredients are all here for that at least. That poor creature is in more then usual distress and may have information we can use. I want to know what happened here. And I’m going to stay like this for now, if you don’t mind. It’s so cold in here.”   
Steve gulped, “I- I think I remember how to make it.”  
“Don’t worry, I’ll guide you.”  
The two worked in near silence digging through the mess of items stored in the dilapidated chests; their concentration occasionally broken by the moaning of the trapped zombie. Finally; Steve could take no more.  
“Make it stop! I can’t take that horrible noise!”   
“My lamb… Sit down, I’ll finish it.” Herobrine hopped down from his shoulder, becoming human again in a coil of bedrock fog. He guided his husband down onto the lid of a chest and stroked his hair. “Shhh, you’re shaking so. Just relax, I’ll fix everything.”   
With a little swirl of cloak the griefer set to brewing again and soon bore three bottles of weakness potion. He doused the wailing zombie with one of them before taking the golden apple from his husband’s trembling hands.   
“Eat it, and be well.” Herobrine stepped back from the bars of the cage, hoping against hope that it would work the first time.  
The zombie shook as thunder crashed outside; spirals smoking from its shivering form. Herobrine sat beside Steve and held him tight.   
There was a gasp, and then… “Hello? Hey! Help me please! I’m trapped in this cage!”  
Herobrine turned his eyes hopefully to the source of the sound and the Testificate screamed.   
“OH GODS! HEROBRINE! SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!”  
Steve looked up in shock at the sheer volume of the noise echoing in the small space. His husband’s eyes were as blank as ever, but he could still see they were full of pain. He put his hands on the griefer. “I’ll talk to him.”   
The Testificate was cowering in the corner of the cell. “PLEASE DON’T EAT ME HEROBRINE!”  
“Please stop screaming,” Steve said evenly. “He won’t hurt you and neither will I.”   
“Are you crazy?! He’s Herobrine! He’ll chew you up and suck the marrow from your bones!”  
Steve cringed; he could feel the wave of pain as the harsh accusations cut into his lover’s hearts. He knew that spreading the rumors had been a matter of life or death for the griefer in the beginning, but now they were just a horrible reputation that came back to bite him from time to time.   
The human stiffened in indignation. “He may be Herobrine, but he is also my husband, and I’ll thank you not to say such insulting lies. He won’t hurt you, but I might smack you right in the mouth if you keep talking to him like that.”  
The Testificate’s mouth shut with a snap.   
“Now. Who are you? And do you remember who brought you here?”  
“I’m Carat,” the villager said sullenly. “And I don’t remember. I got chased by a polar bear and woke up here just now.”  
“Damn…” Steve swore. “Well, if I let you out will you behave? Not do anything stupid?”   
“I’ll be good, just let me out please.”  
Herobrine rose up from the chest and walked towards the cage. “Back up.”  
Carat pressed himself against the back wall in terror as the miner made way for this god. Herobrine raised his fist, flashing the jagged scar around his wrist and then shattered the steel bars with one mighty punch.   
The Testificate pushed himself as much as he could into the corner, but the terrifying god just turned away and sat back down with a heavy thump on the trunk lid.   
“Thank you, love.”   
“You’re welcome,” he mumbled. Then he sniffed the air, “I don’t smell the mobs anymore. I think its light outside now.”  
“Good, then we can leave.” Steve stuck out a hand to help the villager up. “Herobrine you already know. I’m his priest, Father Steve.”  
Carat looked at his hand suspiciously before taking it, and noticed the gem in the center of his armor for the first time. “People… worship the Herobrine? How long have I been trapped here?”   
“The question I don’t know the answer too, but we’ve traveled from a long distance away and likely have even farther to go. But yes, where we live our village worships him as a godly king.”  
Carat looked skeptical. Herobrine didn’t spare him a glance but climbed the ladder in silence, as Steve led them all outside.   
The sun had risen slightly above the horizon, but its gleam did not warm the frozen landscape, and the griefer shivered pathetically.   
“Does any of this look familiar to you?” Steve asked.  
“Yes… I think so.” Carat said uncertainly. “I think my village is that way.”


	101. A Cold Welcome

The human held the compass aloft and it pointed roughly in the direction the Testificate indicated. “Then we’ll follow you for a bit.”   
The trio trudged through the snow in sullen silence for at least an hour before Carat spoke again. “You two are… wed?”  
“We are.” Herobrine replied softly.  
“Has… the taboo been lifted? Or do humans and Herobrines merely ignore it?”  
“Our village has broken the rules;” Herobrine sniffed. “It is a place for lovers of all types who are not safe elsewhere. They worship me because I protect them. Steve’s tasks are seen as equally holy. They’re the ones who made him a priest.”  
The Testificate stared at them in fascinated horror. “Are you not afraid of being punished?”  
“No.”   
Steve snorted, “What’s one more battle to us?” He put an arm around his mate. "We can do anything,” he said lowly, “as long as we have each other.”  
Herobrine felt his body tighten at Steve’s bold words. The miner’s hubris was both enticing and frightening. They paused for a moment to allow the next chunk to load in and Herobrine sighed with relief. Green plains stretched out before them, dotted with little blue lakes and outcrops of rock here and there. Carat pointed at a bit that was slowly filling in, “my home is over there. You can follow me, but I don’t think you’ll get much of a reception.”   
A low growl sounded behind them and the trio turned slowly to face the creature that had been stalking them. An enormous white bear charged them with its mouth agape.   
Steve whipped out his sword, “what the nether is that?!”   
“It’s a polar bear! Run!”   
But Herobrine was already moving to defend his mate, one hand burning black and the other bearing the glitchy obsidian scythe that still glistened with a few pixels of the blood that bound it together. With his left he punched the beast so hard a bit of it’s tongue went flying, cut loose as it’s jaws snapped down on it. And with his right he delivered a wicked slice that cut the under-part of the creature nearly in half, spilling its life across the snow. The god stood their panting a moment, letting the blackness fade and shed from his fingers before turning to check if the others were unharmed.   
“My hero,” Steve gushed sweetly. “You’re as amazing as ever.”  
Carat stood there blinking, it was over so quickly his brain was still flooded with adrenaline. He watched as the griefer quickly removed the head and skinned the bear before the body could despawn, sloughing off the unneeded red pixels inside. He flapped the clean fuzzy pelt over the shoulders of his husband with a smile. “A soft white coat for my faithful lamb, it should come in handy when we head back home.”   
Steve kissed him lovingly, “you’re so thoughtful.”   
Herobrine looked at the village. “Should we even try to talk to them? If they’re anything like this one; we’ll probably just get screamed at or something.”   
Steve turned, “Carat? Should we even bother trying to interact with anyone in your village?”   
“I don’t know... I feel like they should know of your defiance of the ban. I’ve always suspected we had at least one forbidden pair amongst us yearning to be open with it.” Carat mused.   
“Then we speak to them,” Herobrine said firmly, and set off in that direction.   
Steve and Carat caught up with the griefer just as he was entering the town. Some of the villagers screamed as Carat had done and others just hid in their houses and peeked out the windows in terror. Herobrine waited until he’d reached the center before addressing the Testificates.   
“Attention all. I think you know who I am... I have come on a holy mission bearing a message of love. I mean you no harm unless you defy me. The ban on mal/mal pairings is dissolved. My village is far to the west from here, across the ocean, but they are all such couples and I defend their right to be that way. Any who would disobey my rule can challenge me now, if they dare. But the Lord of Tears shows no mercy to those who would deny a persons right to love.” Steve watched with a tiny glisten of a tear as his husband stood proudly, his golden armor gleaming and royal cloak flowing majestically in the wind.   
“No takers? Then I insist everyone come out. My husband would like to give you a demonstration that may prove very useful to one or two of you.” Herobrine focused the fearful energy around him and used it to give a psychic command. Unwillingly, doors opened and Testificates staggered stiffly out, assembling in front of him. The people looked terrified and Herobrine stepped down from the edge of the planting box he’d been standing on, to make way for Steve. The human was already carrying a slime-ball in one hand and was ready to give his usual sex ed talk.   
Herobrine cracked his knuckles in relief. “At least I didn’t have to beat anybody up.”   
Carat was staring at Steve, his brain having a bit of difficulty in grasping what the human was demonstrating. “What is he…? OH MY JEB. Why would you want to? In there?!”   
Herobrine gave him a not so gentle poke. “Don’t be like that if you’ve never tried it. With enough patience and lube it feels amazing.”   
The villager swallowed nervously. “Please don’t ever do that to me.”   
The griefer gave him a disgusted look. “Don’t be so vile. I’m loyal to my husband, and I would never… I’d never force myself on someone who didn’t want it.” His shameful whisper was for himself alone. “I’ll never do that again.”   
Steve finished his talk and stood there for a moment as the Testificates stared at him. He got the impression that several of them were very interested but trying not to give it away to their fellows.   
“Well… if anyone has any questions feel free to approach me or Herobrine while we’re here. I’ll just be… over there…” The miner got down from his perch and skirted around the stunned crowd. ‘I think I broke them,’ he said mentally to his husband.  
‘They’ll get over it. At least you know they were listening.”  
“Why are you doing this, really?” Carat asked.   
Herobrine looked at him. “Because I’m trying to be better; and making room for love feels like the right thing to do.” He thumped his chest plate with a soft clang, “right here.”  
He heard Steve speaking in the back of his mind. “I honestly couldn’t be prouder of you my love.”   
Carat looked around at the people and pointed at a house just beyond the assembly. “It looks like my place is still standing. I don’t know what I’ll have to offer since I don’t know how long I’ve been gone. But you can stay with me for tonight. In return for saving me, it’s the least I can do.”   
Steve patted his shoulder, “thank you. It will give anyone too afraid to approach us now a few hours to do so as well.”   
“You’re right, as usual. So…” Herobrine asked, “anybody up for bear meat?”   
“Anything, please. I’m so hungry.” Steve groused. “I didn’t even think about it until you said something. I was too upset to eat last night. Carat?”   
But the Testificate didn’t answer; he was busily telling his fellows how Herobrine and his Steve had saved him from being a zombie.   
“Well, at least he’s telling them good things.” Herobrine put an arm around his mate and steered him towards the house. “Food sounds excellent.” 

 

* * * * * * * * * *

Steve looked around the dusty room; there were cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling. “I think Carat has been gone for a while.”  
The griefer peeked out the small window, Carat had remained in the square and it appeared as if he and a few other villagers were getting drunk. “I think you’re right. They seem awfully glad to have him back. We should clean up a bit, since they’re being hospitable.”   
“I think it’s just because they’re still afraid of you.”  
Herobrine frowned sadly, “you’re probably right. But if it keeps us safe another night, I don’t care.” The griefer gave a little roll forward and came up in the form of a bright yellow chicken. He flapped his little wings furiously and drug down the cobwebs while Steve dusted. The two swept the dust out the door before settling down. The furnace was cold so Herobrine loaded it with coal from the cave and cooked some bear meat for his lover while chewing his part still bloody. They worked the little house like a single being, cleaning and warming, airing linen and making a portion of food for Carat as well if he wanted it later. Herobrine laid down their bed and the two curled up warm and safe. Steve pulled the bear skin over them as well as the covers and snuggled next to the warm body of his god.   
By the time Carat came home to find a hot dinner still waiting, they were both asleep. With a fearful gulp he took the food and fled. 

 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine opened his eyes to utter darkness and blinked in confusion. The space inside the house was thankfully too small for anything to spawn. And he noted with alarm that someone had cobbled over the windows. He growled in irritation and shook Steve gently awake. “We might have a problem.”  
“Huh?”  
“Those… people, blocked us in.”   
“WHAT?” Steve jumped out of bed and jerked open the front door to find two blocks of cobble on the other side. He pulled out a pick and hammered at it fiercely. After a moment the stone gave way and light streamed into the room. “Well, at least it’s just one layer.”   
“I’m still irritated. I ought to give them all a piece of my mind.”   
The miner stuck his head cautiously out the hole. “I don’t think you’ll have the chance.”   
Herobrine louvered himself out of bed, “why not?”  
“Because it looks like they all ran away. The gardens are plucked clean and all the doors are hanging open. I guess they thought the blocks would muffle the sound and maybe slow us down.”   
“Cowards.”   
“Just don’t take it personally okay? Some people are really afraid of change.” Steve replied evenly.   
“I don’t think change is exactly what they were scared of. I guess the old rumors still inspire fear on this continent.”  
“It’s their loss then.”   
“I’m just glad they weren’t experienced griefers.” Herobrine grumbled, “They would have used obsidian instead of stone. I hate trying to break that stuff with my hands. It takes forever.”   
Steve cleared away the second cobble and ventured outside. “Well if they’re going to run from us then I’m going to poke around and see if they left anything interesting.”   
“Spoken like a true adventurer.” Herobrine exclaimed. “However, they may have left traps, so let me take the lead.”   
It didn’t take long for them to pick through the houses, even in their haste; the villagers had taken care not to leave anything of real value. They took an extra bed and a few bits of coal, and some sugar canes that were growing in a nearby pond. The griefer chewed on one absentmindedly as Steve ate a loaf of cold bread.   
“We should leave,” The miner said resignedly. “I guess I have a better sense of how you must have felt back then. I mean, the villagers near where I started out didn’t like me, but they never evacuated a village to get away from me.”  
Herobrine looked sadly down at his boots. “That was a very lonely, painful time for me. And I couldn’t even show how I felt since so much was riding on keeping them all afraid. I’m still paying the price for that reputation.”   
Steve wrapped his arms around his spouse and hugged him tight. “It’s okay. They’re just dumb and don’t understand. You’ll feel better when we’re home again with our own people. And in the meantime, you always have me.”   
The god snuggled into his embrace. “I’m so grateful for that Steve. You are the blazing star that lights my endless night. Home feels so far away right now.”  
“We’ll get back.” Steve said firmly, “and it will be like we never left. You’ll see.”


	102. Ominous Mushrooms and the Blasted Heath

As the Testificate village faded out behind the travelers; a dark oak forest was loading in front of them. Steve looked down at the compass. “It says this is the way we go.”  
The woods seemed to get darker and darker as they got deeper within, and the endless trees were punctuated with a few mushrooms nearly as large as the oaks themselves. Herobrine shuddered. He was quickly developing a true hatred for mushrooms in general and was so intent on brooding that he bumped into what he initially thought was a cow. The thing turned blank black eyed on them, but before the mooshroom could make further movements, the griefer had already beaten it to death.   
Steve stared at the rapidly despawning corpse. “What the nether was that?! It looked like a cow with mushroom coloring!”   
“I don’t know and I don’t want to know! It looked like it was infected with a fungus!” The god whipped out his pail of lava and washed his hands thoroughly just in case. “Let’s get out of here as quickly as possible!”   
Herobrine took Steve’s hand and the two of them broke into a run, following the compass needle as they went. When they emerged from the woods both screamed at nearly the same octave as their boots hit mycelium. Herobrine grabbed his lover and dashed to the edge of the blocks and leaped into the water beyond. “FUCK THAT’S COLD!” He hollered.   
Steve paddled to stay near the surface. “But we’re clean now, just in case that stuff is contagious.”  
Herobrine’s teeth chattered, “cold comfort.”   
Steve stared to swim, pulling his double along with him. “We’ll find a clean bit of shore and dry off. You’ll be okay.”   
They paddled along for a bit and the coastline gave way to a swamp. Steve pulled them onto a small island and the two made a pair of holes to pour Herobrine’s lava into. The griefer slipped into the thick hot mush with a grateful sigh. Steve settled for stripping his clothes and snuggling up in the bear skin while he dried them on the rapidly heating earth surrounding the lava.   
“You look lovely in white,” Herobrine purred. “Especially when I know you’re naked underneath. Innocent angel, you should come a little closer to my pit of fire.”  
Steve chuckled sweetly. “Not sure if I should. I’m grubby too.” He teased.   
“But I want my lips around you…”   
The human turned a little pink but scooted closer. Then Herobrine lay down with his belly in the lava and laid his chin and arms on the edge. He pulled his lovers legs apart, spreading him in a gentle split with each on one side of the fiery caldera. Steve settled back with a trusting smile.   
“Oh no! Whatever shall I do! I am captured!” He leaned closer, biting his lip; his voice wasn’t even a whisper. “Help, help, help.”  
The griefer shook his head and opened his mouth, putting soft lips over Steve’s already hard cock. He slipped down and down, until his husband’s hairy cubes rested gently against his chin. The griefer wrapped his forked tongue around the dick in his mouth, exploring every angle and even teasing the hole in its tip. Steve moaned wantonly, startling a few wandering pigs and sheep. The brine was making no effort to open his rear, only to suck him fiercely while looking his mate dead in the eyes.   
Steve’s fingers clawed into the mud, and he filled the humid air with animal noses of want and ecstasy. Finally he could take no more and the release ran through him like the first wave of a storm, leaving him gasping and spent while his god licked up every drop and kissed each shivering inch of his husband’s crotch.   
Herobrine’s voice was like silk rubbed over the surface of his mind. “Have something sweet, for you; the one who always trusts in me.”   
“I love you so much…”  
“I love you too Steve.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

Once Steve’s clothes were dry the two gathered up the lava and set out again. The compass was pointing to a direction slightly off the coast and they followed the beach, hoping the land would eventually curve that way as well. The swamp gave way to a small slice of forest and then bled into desert, and still the arrow led them on. They found the ruins of a sand temple and sheltered the night in what walls still stood, and later stumbled upon a desolate village with the broken remains of a Nether portal in the center. Herobrine ventured just close enough to take one chunk of the netherrack that surrounded the foot of the portal and then ran as if the denizens of the Nether were already on his heels. Steve followed his lead, sad that there seemed nothing he could do to ease his husband’s horror and fear of the Nether. The coastline curved outward again and they found themselves again walking in the exact direction the arrow indicated. They bridged a deep ravine, and crossed through a flower forest before emerging on a stretch of sparse trees and rolling hills.   
The space was dominated by a flat topped hill and they caught the gleam of something dark at its apex. The plains were also dotted with shallow craters and a few pools of lava. But it was the hill that drew the broken god like a magnet. He climbed it like a man going to the gallows and Steve had to hurry to keep up with his long strides. At the top the griefer stood still as stone and his husband bumped into his back before sliding around him.   
“What is it Herobrine…?” And then he saw it.   
The top of the hill was flat because it had been blasted off. And shimmering in the center of it like gems in a geode was a patch of weeping obsidian. It seemed the whole world hushed as the griefer stared at it. Herobrine fell to his knees, letting his shaking hands trace the edges of the gleaming black stone, all shot with veins as blue as Steve’s innocent eyes.   
“I… I…”   
“It’s okay, I understand. This is where it… happened.”  
“I remember it so vividly. It was like a nightmare. I’ve never felt so helpless. I was so sure I’d be shattered entirely. I… need a pickaxe… Jeb said there was something here of mine. We’ve come so far. I have to know what it is!”   
Steve pulled out a diamond pick and started hammering at the stone. “I’ll help you!”   
One by one the blocks popped away but nothing was revealed, so Herobrine went out to the edges and started working his way inward while Steve dug more deeply into the central core of the patch.   
Suddenly the human exclaimed, “I found something!” Herobrine rushed to his side and looked down into the hole. “It’s… some of my bad code?”   
At the bottom of the hole was a puddle like quicksilver, crackling with static. In their scramble Steve slipped, and before his husband could catch him, he put his boot in the puddle. The code sucked up into the sole of his foot like water into a sponge.   
“No!” Herobrine cried brokenly. “Steve!”   
The miner went still with shock, unsure what might happen to him and afraid to move. “Just pull me up! I’m scared!”  
Herobrine did as he was bid and then cradled Steve, petting his hair and cooing over him. “Do you feel different? Does anything hurt?”   
“My foot feels weird.”  
The griefer blanched and drug Steve’s diamond boot off. Underneath his soft gray shoe was turning a bright scarlet. Herobrine ripped it off as well and cast it away. He searched every inch of Steve’s foot but found nothing unusual. He then regarded the red shoe lying innocently in the grass with an air of deep suspicion. “I’ll make you another shoe Steve. I’m so sorry. Tell me if you feel anything strange! That kind of code is usually toxic to everyone but me. Damn that Jeb… if anything happens to you I swear…”  
Steve shushed him with a soft touch. “It’ll be alright, and if it’s not; I trust you to fix me. I trust you with my everything.”   
Herobrine felt hot tears dribbling from the corners of his eyes and he smooshed Steve so close, hanging onto the human like a lifeline. He looked all around as if there was someone he could blame, or ask for help. At the bottom of the hill on the other side he could just see the roof of a small wooden house. With a groan he grabbed Steve’s diamond boot and carried him towards it.  
The sun was just sliding under the horizon as they stumbled inside. The house was simple, small, well-appointed, but empty. Steve froze in utter shock. “I’ve been here before… Go down that little hallway at the back!”   
The griefer followed his instructions and they emerged in a small bedroom. He laid Steve on the bed but the miner immediately got up again; walking awkwardly with his one boot and one bare foot. “This was where he kept me when I was first awakened Herobrine. Jeb built this house to keep me safe while I gained my first senses. I didn’t remember until just this moment. But I know this place…”   
The griefer shook his head in wonder, “at least I know he wasn’t cruel to you then. Does your foot still feel weird?”   
“Not really, it feels normal now.”   
“Thank goodness. I’ll make you a new shoe.” The griefer took a cobble block and picked al the light grey pixels off it to form a new shoe before slipping it on his husband’s foot like a dainty glass slipper. They had only a moment to admire it before the new shoe also turned scarlet.   
Herobrine stared at it angrily and then made a new shoe. But the result was the same; the color would bleed to red near instantly.   
“Why won’t it stay gray?” Steve asked with concern.   
‘Steve… I think you have a glitch. It’s just a sort of color/lighting error, nothing serious. But I don’t know how to fix it.”   
“No… Dammit… do we have to go all the way back to Lady Nessie’s temple Herobrine?”  
“I don’t know… I hope not. Maybe Zile will have some insight when we get back. For now I guess… just bear with me.” The griefer slipped Steve’s diamond boot back over his shoe and the two watched breathlessly to see if it would change as well. But the blue crystal footwear stayed the same.   
“That’s good.” Herobrine said softly, “it means it’s not too serious because the radius is small. We’ll stay here for a few days, I want to comb every inch of this place because we’re never coming back here and I want to make sure we haven’t missed anything. I really hope that we didn’t come all this way just for a patch of bad code that ruins shoes.”   
“Me too, I’m so tired.”   
“Then lay down my lamb, and I’ll finish our search while you rest.” He helped the miner lay down on the bed and kissed him lovingly before covering him up. Steve’s eyes slipped closed as the sun fell under the horizon, and he caught one last glimpse of his lovers shining eyes as the griefer closed the door.


	103. Darkness and Fire

When the human’s eyes opened again it was with the vague memory of terror. He remembered being pressed down to the bed, beady black eyes fixed upon his own. The glare was soulless and without pity. He realized that he felt more alone then he had in years and leaped out of bed. The silence was deafening. He called out to Herobrine, with his lips and his mind and got no response. His panic mounting, he charged all through the house but saw no sign of the griefer.   
Steve ran outside and up the hill, hoping to find him in the hole where they had mined out the weeping obsidian. As he crested the edge his hearts leaped into his throat. In the center of the pit was a single grass block, there was a note pinned to its surface with a golden sword. He tore it away with shaking hands and read the words that were neatly printed there.   
“I’ve put the monster back where he belongs. Be glad I spared your life a second time. Go home and forget about him. –NOTCH.”   
Steve felt himself shaking all over, his armored pants clinking as his knees knocked together in fear. He knew in his hearts where Herobrine was, but finding him… that would be near impossible. He cursed himself for falling asleep, swore to the heavens to destroy the whole world in retribution for this travesty. Kicked himself for leaving Herobrine alone. He threw his helm fiercely to the ground in frustration and the touchies rose up from it in a cluster. The miner froze at the sight.   
“Please don’t pinch me to death! Your creator is missing, and I was just upset and not thinking!” The six touchies spun in a small circle as if considering his words. Steve picked up his helm and put it back on, watching them nervously.   
After what seemed like an eternity of deliberation, the touchies scattered all around him, before suddenly converging on the human again. They swirled and then got close to him several times before he realized they were trying to get him to follow them.   
With a frown he let them lead him down the hill and into a cluster of trees. At the base of one was a small hole and he let the buzzing bugs lure him down into the dark. He struck a torch to light the way and drew his sword with his other hand. They went deeper and deeper down until Steve noted with horror that he was running out of torches and had nothing to make more. But the touchies led on, and he followed, trusting in what his lover had created to sniff out their master. He paused only to pick holes in the narrow tunnels walls to mark the way. Finally the narrow passage opened up into a ravine. He saw with horror that down the darkened and cavernous hallway laid the remains of a nether portal. Someone had tried to blow it up, but most of it was still there. The touchies made a circle around the rubble and landed once more on his helmet.   
“He went in there… I get it.” Steve looked at the incomplete archway and had an idea. He pulled the weeping obsidian blocks from his inventory and used a few of them to repair the portal. Saying a brief prayer he struck a spark on the gate and sighed with relief as it activated.   
Steve took a deep breath, readied his weapons, and stepped into the Nether. 

 

* * * * * * * * * *

The heat from the oceans of lava hit him like the blast from a furnace, and he had only moments to duck behind an outcrop as a ghast flew by overhead. The touchies rose up from him again and he ran pell-mell after them, narrowly avoiding several pigmen and a rather angry-looking blaze. He slashed with his ender pearl sword at a magma cube that tried to push him in, and was nearly stabbed by a wither skeleton. Steve traded a few blows of his sword with the looming undead before chopping roughly through its spine. With a howl it fell down and the human kept running.   
He dashed around the bottom base of a nether fortress before the touchies stopped again. When he saw why he wanted to howl his pain to all the corners of the hellish world around him.   
In the center of a lake of lava was a rough altar in the shape of a chair. Herobrine was blindfolded and bound to it with chains. Steve could see that his arms were also pinned with swords and bleeding twin red rivers down either side of the edifice. He was being kept weak so he could not escape, and the thing he needed to heal was so close to his reach, but it might as well have been miles away.   
Steve reached out, trying to touch his husband’s mind, but it was so clouded with pain and blind terror that he couldn’t send or receive anything coherent at all. It was as if Herobrine had gone mad with his own torment.   
The human looked above and saw a pair of ghasts floating there. The lake would have to be crossed underneath if at all. He swallowed; his throat dry as fire. The miner gathered the loyal touchies into his inventory to protect them and took out one of his precious magma creams. He quickly spread it on himself and dived without hesitation into the lake. The mush was thick and much deeper the he’d ever experienced. He swam madly, the sludge dragging at his limbs and slowing him down. One of the ghasts noticed the ripples and he was forced to dive lower to conceal himself as fireballs splashed into the surface and sizzled away. He felt the cream starting to wear off and pushed himself even harder. He had only to reach the shore alive. As he hit the edge he was sure it had worn off entirely, but the lava still felt like near-scalding water to him.  
After what seemed like an eternity, he dragged himself onto the shore, and climbed the broken netherrack up to the obscene throne. Someone, likely Notch, had placed a sign at the base of the chair. It read; ‘King of the Nether’. Steve ripped it off and angrily threw it into the lava. He pulled off the blindfold but Herobrine’s eyes were white and dull as eggshells. He tried to rouse Herobrine, but the griefer seemed locked. Too weak to communicate or even close the flat eyes that stared blankly upward in horror. Steve fumbled with the chains, hoping to free his husband before the ghasts noticed him.   
The god’s arms had been pinned to the chair with swords through his forearms and the blood flowed constantly from the wounds. His healing was not fast enough to hold it in or push out the blades that penetrated him. Steve put his feet on the stone and yanked them out.   
Herobrine stirred, noticing him finally as his body tried to repair the mental and physical damage that had been done to him. “Steve… my prayers… answered…my lamb…”  
“I’m going to get you out of here! Just hold on for me!” Steve hammered at the chains with his pickaxe and seethed in fury as it broke in his hands. He switched to his sword and found to his surprise that it was actually biting into the stubborn metal as he battered it. Little did he realize that he’d attracted the attention of the ghasts; and both of them were homing in on him from behind. One made the mistake of squealing its imminent triumph and Steve heard the sound just a bit too late. The blast from the fireballs exploded the throne and sent Herobrine’s limp body flying into the lava and Steve crashing hard into the sharp netherrack shore.   
There was a moment as if the Nether was holding its breath and then… Herobrine shot out of the lava with a wild shout, as he leaped he stretched himself into an ender dragon, shedding bedrock fog and slicing the ghasts into ribbons with his claws and teeth. He wheeled and grabbed Steve in his mouth before flapping with all his might straight for the ceiling. On the highest island he could find he put the human down gently, shifting his body back to his normal state.   
Herobrine was battered, bloody and torn. His clothes singed with fire and body spotted with bruises, but he grabbed Steve with every inch of his being and held him as if he’d never let go again. “We have to get out of here… He’ll come back…”  
Steve kissed him, “we will, right now!” The miner pulled out the weeping obsidian again and made a fresh portal. He struck the sparks and dragged them through without hesitation.


	104. Entirely Lost

The two fell out onto blessedly soft grass and Steve immediately set to breaking the portal back down again. Then he pulled Herobrine onto his back and ran blindly into the trees of a patch of jungle. The human careened over shrubs and tree roots and didn’t stop until he was physically unable to run anymore.  
He collapsed on the grass, his lungs heaving. The sun was going down again and he could hear the mobs spawning. He forced his aching body to move, to grab his insensate husband and then spotted a patch of light through the trees. Steve stumbled towards it desperately.  
The light resolved itself into a natural pool of lava in the middle of the woods. The miner both cursed and blessed his luck, because it wasn’t shelter, but it would help his brine to heal himself fully. He dragged Herobrine close to the edge and shook him slightly.  
“Wake up dammit. I don’t want to drown you trying to heal you.”  
Herobrine blinked; his eyes unfocused. The shift into dragon-skin had taken every ounce of strength the lava had restored in the Nether. But now he felt the heat beside him, waiting to bless him with everything that foul Notch had drained from his veins. He crawled awkwardly into the hot slime and Steve drew his sword and stood shaking and spent, but ready to defend them from any mobs that might venture into the tiny circle of light.  
There was a soft rustling in the bushes and a giant spider pounced towards the miner with a hiss. Steve managed to step out of the way and hit the back of it with his sword, sending the beast into the lava where it danced and burned to death beside the healing griefer.  
Next was a zombie, and the human’s hesitation cost him. Steve grappled with the creature, too close to get a swing with his sword. Herobrine snatched at the zombie’s feet, trying to drag it into the lava as well. He finally got a grip but as the undead fell he yanked Steve in with him. The miner shrieked in alarm as he hit the fiery slush and Herobrine got under him to shove him out as quickly as possible. He fell onto the grass, panting and terrified.  
Herobrine was staring at him with wide eyes and a confused expression. “You…. you didn’t burn! How is that possible?!”  
“I didn’t? I mean, it didn’t hurt badly but I thought it was because you pushed me out immediately!”  
“No! You were in it, and you didn’t get hurt!” The thought struck him like a thunderbolt. “You’re glitched… you might be immune… Try touching it!” Herobrine scooped up a handful of lava and held it out to Steve.  
The human hesitated, for a moment, but his trust in his god was absolute and he took the lava from Herobrine in his bare hand. He stood there looking at it; waiting for the pain, but it was long in coming. The sludge was still uncomfortable to hold, painfully hot but not quite so much that it was damaging him. With growing confidence he sat down on the edge of the pool and gingerly put his feet into the molten rock. “I thought that my magma cream wore out too soon back there… I was sure it was just my panic talking. This still isn’t comfortable but I think I can resist the worst of it now.”  
“I’m so happy right now, I could cry.” Herobrine was trying to hold back his emotions but they spilled over and his normally confident voice was cracked with remembered terror. “Steve… you saved me from Notch. You rescued me from that nightmare world. I don’t know what to say. I’m just not worthy. You’re the most wonderful person I could ever imagine meeting; my hero, truly. I’m so proud to be married to you.”  
Steve looked at him shyly, “but I didn’t do it alone.” He reached into his inventory and set the six touchies free. The little bugs swirled happily around them, landing lightly on both of them before taking off again and coming to rest on Steve’s helm. “They led me to a portal, and then they found you for me. Your creations worked together to save you.”  
Herobrine sat back heavily against the stone edge, overwhelmed, “amazing. I am… so lucky.”  
“I’m just glad you’re safe. But…” Steve hesitated. “We do have another problem now.”  
“What is it?”  
“Well, we made a portal in a random spot in the Nether and it came out in an equally random part of the Overworld. We are completely, utterly, lost.”  
“Fuck.” 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine swam over to the edge where Steve sat.  
The miner looked at his husband hopefully. “You… don’t have any sneaky tricks for navigation, do you?”  
The griefer pulled himself up next to his mate. “No… I’m sorry Steve. I-I really don’t know what to do this time.” Herobrine watched sadly as his lover seemed to shrivel in despair.  
Steve’s lip quivered, hopelessness washing over him like a wave. Fat tears rolled freely down from his sky blue eyes and the rough and tumble miner let himself cry. His little sobs echoed in the trees and the griefer felt his own hearts breaking as well. Steve managed to choke out a few words.  
“I just want to go home. I miss Alexsezia and my brothers, Karen and China and Hellion and all our friends in the village. I’m so scared I’ll never see them again.”  
Herobrine crawled over and put his arms around Steve. “Shhh… it’s okay, we’ll think of something. I want to go home too. I’m tired and sore and angry with what passes for gods in this damn world. I want to take you and everyone else somewhere where we’ll be safe from all this.” He held Steve’s shoulders. “For now, though, I think we should make a shelter and get some sleep, we’re both worn out and perhaps things will look better in the morning.”  
The miner nodded tearfully. “You’re right. Come on. I think I have enough junk to make something.”  
“That’s the spirit. Thankfully the bastard didn’t try to empty my inventory. I still have my supplies and scythe.”  
“Did you… see him?”  
Herobrine sullenly dug a divot in the ground and started piling up dirt and wood from his inventory. “No… he must have snuck up on me. I was just cutting the weeping obsidian and then I was down. It’s just fire and pain after that… I don’t remember anything but agony until you…”  
Steve hugged him gently, “It’s okay. It’s over now. And now we know that the touchies can track you even if you aren’t in the overworld anymore. No one can take you away from me. Here, I know you’re still tired.” He passed over his water buckets and seeds. “You plant these, I’ll finish this.”  
Herobrine nodded mutely and pulled out his scythe to use as a hoe. He arranged the water blocks to make a spring near the seedlings as well before rejoining his husband.  
Steve pulled him inside the little hut and the two crawled into their small bed. No words were needed; they simply curled like kittens and quickly fell asleep. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Herobrine blinked in the torchlight of their cave, Steve had come into the dream only seconds before him and was now pressed against the wall in terror.  
“I heard a scream,” he whispered urgently. “It was ferocious and so loud, the whole world shook and the room rang like a bell. Herobrine… I’m terrified of what’s out there!”  
Herobrine rushed to his side and held him closely. “I’m scared too Steve. But I’m going to do everything I can to keep us safe. The griefer focused his powers and the air was thick with his hacking as the block numbers shifted, turning the stone that surrounded them into a bedrock shell. “There, now he can scream all he wants. I won’t let him lay one filthy finger on you or me without a fight this time. Just go to sleep my lamb, I’ll watch over you.”  
“I was so afraid I’d never find you,” he murmured into Herobrine’s chest.  
The god stroked his short hair lovingly. “I prayed you’d rescue me. You’re the only one I’d bet my soul on.”  
“I love you so much.”  
“I love you too Steve.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Around mid-morning the two stumbled out of the shelter, still stiff and restless. Steve shook his helmet out gently so the touchies would go to work on the freshly planted garden. As he harvested, Herobrine mined quietly.  
After a while he spoke sullenly. “I think we should use the compass to get back to the spawn. I know it’s incredibly dangerous, but it’s the only fixed point we have to navigate by. If we can get close to it, then maybe we can go back the same way we came.”  
“I hate this plan.”  
“I hate it too my lamb. But if you have a better idea, I’m all ears. In the meantime, keep harvesting and planting, this is good terrain and I want to make sure we have plenty of food. I’m going to scout around for some meat. I’ll make myself into something less visible and stay within shouting distance.”  
Steve looked defeated, “just be careful, okay?”  
“I will be.”


	105. Beginning of The End of The Beginning

Herobrine was stalking a chicken when the rain started. He was hunting in the form of a cat and swore as the first drops fell on his fur. The griefer ran back to the small shelter as the rain began to pour down more steadily. His husband was standing in the doorway calling for Herobrine, shouting fiercely into the wind and rain. As he neared the door, Steve spotted him and they both jumped in terror as lighting stuck the ground close by. There was a rising sense of pressure in the air. As if something were pressing hard on the very fabric of their reality.   
“Do you think it’s Notch?” Steve half-yelled.   
“If it is, I don’t think running will do us any good.” Herobrine unrolled his body into its normal shape and the wind played with his heavy cloak as though it were a light silk pennant. They watched in awe from the safety of the doorway as lighting struck again and again nearby, briefly setting some of the trees aflame. The griefer drew his scythe and Steve took out his enderpearl sword as well.   
Suddenly the air itself bulged and tore open, and a din of violent noise vomited from the hole. They heard weapons clashing against shields, fireballs, explosions and groans of pain. The hole was ringed with shimmering static and a human figure tumbled through. There was a flash of angry faces, hands reaching out to catch the falling person and drag them back; and then the hole snapped closed as the world reasserted its reality. The figure tried to stand, but there was a flashing burst of electricity and they collapsed to the ground again with a pained screech.   
Steve and Herobrine were already moving, rushing in the rain as the human fell. They stopped a few feet away to avoid scaring the newcomer, but when the person saw the griefer's eyes they began babbling in terror.   
“Oh Gods! Another Herobrine! I’m sorry sir! Please don’t kill me! I’ll get off your seed as quickly as possible!”  
Steve had been about to ask if they needed help. But the person’s words confused him. “Another Herobrine?”  
The griefer bit his lip in thought, “Let’s not talk out here, we’re all getting soaked.” He reached out for the stranger who flinched away.   
“Don’t touch me sir! You’ll get shocked!”   
Steve looked at them, “then I guess we stay here.” With a quickness born of survival instincts Steve assembled a fresh shelter around them with loose stone, wood and dirt. He slotted a torch in the wall and dusted his hands. “Not pretty, but it will keep the rain off.”   
Herobrine nodded gratefully. “Thank you.” He again turned his attention to the strange person on the ground. They were wearing the tattered coat of a doctor but with a black fabric band around their left arm. Their hands were covered with shiny purple gloves and their pants were an equally vibrant violet. Their hair stood up like a soft brown cockscomb in the center with pale purple on the sides. The left eye was slashed with a scar and another made a crescent below the right eye. Their pants were ripped and most of their clothing was covered in blood and scorch marks. They seemed to be in pain, but managing for the moment.   
“Who are you?” Herobrine asked pointedly.   
They snapped to attention fearfully, and their answer revealed a mouthful of triangular teeth like Herobrine’s own. “I’m Doctor F, just a digital wanderer, sir.”  
“Where did you come from?”  
“Originally? I don’t know. But currently, a Mega Walls tournament, it’s a gigantic battle, four teams trying to destroy one another with weapons and mystical abilities. I got seriously injured and barely managed to escape.”   
“Were you there to fight?” Steve asked.   
The doctor shook hir head, “no. I wanted the extra hearts they bestow on players at the beginning. That was all, sir.”  
“Hmph, I think I like your style. And you can drop the ‘sir’ Doc. I’m not going to hurt you either unless you start shit with me first.” Herobrine replied wryly.   
“Okay… Herobrine.” Xe turned hir attention to the miner, “And I guess you’re Steve? Or are you a variant? Steven, Steffan, Stephan, Stevie?”  
The adventurer looked surprised. “It’s Steven, but I prefer Steve and it’s Father Steve to the Testificates.”  
“Nice; as you seem to be. So… are you two…?”   
“He’s my husband,” Herobrine interjected. “Do you have a problem with that?”   
“No! Not at all! It’s just unusual. Most brines I’ve seen are obsessed with killing their Steves. Sometimes it’s even a brother vs brother rivalry. It’s actually quite nice to find two of you in love.” They indicate the black band and turn it so the logo is visible. It’s a red heart cracked with a lightning bolt. “Never had any luck with love myself, but I keep hoping.”  
Steve found his voice and gasped. “How can there be others like me? Herobrine, you said I was the only survivor!”   
“But you were Steve! I swear!”   
The doctor looked back and forth between them, “you two have never been off this seed before? Steves are a common spawn in this terrain, Herobrine glitches less so, but there are still quite a few. There are millions of worlds like this one out there.”  
“This is a lot to absorb Doctor,” Herobrine replied soberly. “But if multiple worlds exist then we might be able to escape from Notch, and you may be just the savior we’ve been hoping for.”  
“Notch is harassing you? Then I’ll gladly help you any way I can if I- AAAAAA!” The Doctor’s wound erupted in a shower of sparks and xe shrieked in agony. Xe tore at hir pants leg to fully expose the wound and the two men hissed in surprise. There was a jagged hole in hir leg and clearly visible through the interference was the inner surface of the skin on the other side. The leg was hollow without blood or bone and the doctor scrabbled at hir clothing for something to fix it with.  
“Can I help?” Herobrine asked in genuine alarm.   
“I-I think I can do it…” Xe spilled a handful of pixels out of hir pocket and started slotting cubes into the open grooves to close the hole. Several of them were not even close to skin tone and made a muted patchwork over hir injury. Xe winced in pain, “you’ll only get shocked anyway. I think I have some kind of short circuit or something.” Doc slotted the last two pixels in place and fell back exhausted. “It’s not correct, but it will have to do for now.”   
“What’s a short circuit?” Steve asked curiously, “Are you a robot like a golem or something?”  
“No, I’m a digital AI, just like you. But now I’ve got a glitch, like a Herobrine’s eyes; except it’s causing a heat issue instead of a lighting mistake. Just hover your hands over it, you’ll see.”  
Tentatively Steve did as he was bid and felt the furnace-hot waves coming off the Doctor’s injury. Xe watched his expression. “I can feel my core temperature rising. I think the percentage of time that I can safely jump in lava is about to go up. But it’s okay; I wouldn’t mind becoming a brine myself. I love these worlds, and I’d be proud to call Minecraftia my natural home.”  
Steve swallowed hard, “so is that all it takes to become like a Herobrine?”   
The god gave his mate a nervous look and awaited the answer with trepidation.   
Doc leaned against the wall, “oh no, being injured isn’t enough. In my experience you’re either born a brine or become one by a glitch in combination with some kind of really horrible trauma. It has to be an emotional meltdown of some kind, the death of a loved one, almost being destroyed permanently, physical torture, or Notch trying to rip you out of the fabric of the world. I intend to learn if it’s possible to make myself a Herobrine without these things, but to my knowledge it’s never been done before.”  
“Isn’t that… rather dangerous?” Steve asked.  
The Doctors look verged on fanatical. “Living is dangerous. This world is peaceful compared to some of the hellscapes I’ve traveled through. The gain in powers will help me survive. It’s well worth the risk.”  
“Can a Herobrine make someone else into a brine?” The griefer mused.   
“Maybe,” Doc replied. “A donation of code and a physical removal of someone’s irises might do the trick if the test subject is already glitched. Are you offering?”   
“If it’s that easy, I might be.”   
“Great.” The doctor replied brightly. I mean, I’d like to do this on my own, but if I hit a dead end I may take you up on your offer.”  
Steve’s questioning voice was small in his lover’s mind and Herobrine’s reply was equally gentle. “Don’t worry my lamb; I would never do that to you unless you wanted me too.”  
The doctor watched what seemed like a silent, but uneasy conversation between the two. Physically they were identical, but mentally different as night and day. Doc made a gentle attempt to skim their codes, seeing their names flash starkly over their heads. Xe twiddled hir fingers and typed into the chat, ‘can you hear me?’  
Steve jumped in alarm, scrabbling at his face. “Herobrine! There were words! In front of me!”   
The god read the text as well and zeroed in on the stranger. “What are you doing to us?” He demanded.   
Doc shrunk involuntarily against the wall. “I’m sorry! It’s just a native communication system. If you know how to use it; you can talk to other people most anywhere on the seed. You can even put in commands to summon or change things.”   
Steve’s expression was revelatory, “like when you summoned Hellion and China, Herobrine!”   
The griefer’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Correct… But… I don’t know anyone else who can do that. I thought it was a godly ability. Are you divine Doctor F? Did some terribly powerful being injure you?”   
“Oh, no, I’m just a simple hacker and it was a human that hurt me. At least, I suppose they were human. Mega walls it’s hard to tell since everyone is OP.”   
“What’s a hacker?” Steve asked, “That sounds a bit violent.”  
“It can be. Hackers can be pretty mean, but it’s just a skill that can be used for good or evil in equal measure. Personally I use it to fix things, or people. Whatever is needed. I… I like to feel wanted and useful. Speaking of such… do you two have any problems that need attention? Mental, physical, spiritual? I’ll tackle anything and best it given enough time.”  
Herobrine gave the Doctor a sheepish look. “Well, currently we’re hopelessly lost. Can you help us with that?”  
“Uh, actually I probably can. I just need to get myself some admin access. The problem is… I only have one command block left. And unless you guys have a silk-touch pick, wherever I set it is where I’ll have to stay until I’m into the system and get permission to make more. It could take a few days. Is that okay?”   
“I’m willing,” Steve said with certainty. “I don’t want to go back to the spawn, it’s too dangerous. If there’s a better way, I can wait.”  
“If my lamb wants to stay, then I will too. What do you need from us?”  
“Just food and water, my skin may appear healed, but I can feel that walking would just make it reopen. Do you mind being my keepers for a bit?”  
Their answers came in unison and made the doctor blink in surprise.   
“Not at all.”   
‘Wow, then I’ll just… get started.” Xe pulled out a command block and laid it with a soft thump on the dirt floor. The two men stared at its blinking diodes with a feeling of trepidation. They both sensed that this was an act that would be nearly as unforgivable as Herobrine’s initial creation of the Steves. Their hands found one another as they watched the Doctor work, their world rocking around them on it’s axis to begin again in a different direction.  
Doc brought up a translucent display and their hands wove intricate patterns in the air, typing and spinning a web of numbers. Hir tone was conversational, hir mood soothed by hir favorite activity. ‘Since you two are the natives, a little local code would help as well. If you don’t mind…” Xe slid hir hands over their forearms gently, peeling a strand of code from one and then the other. Xe threaded them deftly into the growing design. “Now I just…. Upload it. And we wait. This could take an hour, it could take several days. I’m trying to break into the system so I can access the pure version of creative mode that most Herobrine’s enjoy naturally as a side effect of what they are. Then we’ll tend to the being lost issue. In the meantime, maybe you could tell me how you guys met?”  
“I summoned him,” Steve replied quickly. “And we just… kinda clicked.”   
Herobrine coughed, “my lamb is far too gracious. I was a monster to him, and he forgave me. I was cruel and greedy and he endured it with dignity and gave me nothing but patience and kindness in return. He’s an angel in the body of a man and I would be utterly lost without his love.”   
“Sounds like you both got very lucky in your own ways. I’d give quite a bit to be in your boots Herobrine.”  
The brine gave a small, non-committal grunt. “You must have come from someplace pretty awful. You sound like you’ve been running alone for a long time.”  
Hir expression was crestfallen. “As long as I can remember and as far as I know I’ve never really had a home. This isn’t even my native game. I built this body from a tiny wad of barely sentient pixels. I spent a lot of time sneaking through other games looking for little things to steal and break down to make myself bigger and more human-like. I know my name, but I’ve forgotten what it stood for. It’s just an F now, and I exist merely to run and help where I can.”  
Herobrine looked at his mate and saw tears shining in Steve’s blue eyes. No words were needed to communicate the thought. He turned back to the disheveled Doctor. “You can make a home with us, if you wish. I think our villagers would welcome a healer even if they dared to defy me. I understand what it is to be outcast and lonely.”   
“You’d do that for a stranger?”  
“I would.”  
The doctor’s lip quivered; and they too stood stunned as the emotions washed over them and drug them to their depths. Steve opened his arms and embraced them, and after a moment Herobrine also joined them, giving his furnace warmth to their group hug.   
There was a tiny beep from the block and the men let go as Doc started in alarm. Xe was over it in an instant, pressing buttons and rearranging the design. “Are there… any other administrators on this seed that might interfere with this?”  
“Just Jeb the angel, and the evil Notch himself,” Herobrine replied. I don’t know of anyone else besides them or me that had special powers of any sort.”  
Doc bit hir lip, “then it might be one of them. I think this program needs to hurry up. There’s something headed this way that trying to block what I’m doing. I’m going to try and shield the block so it can’t find us.”  
“Will fortifying the walls help any?” Steve asked nervously.   
“Maybe… Whatever this is seems to be coming from a higher part of the build levels.”   
Steve pulled out a crafting table and made a quick iron pickaxe. “I’m all over it.” He slung the tool back and began burrowing into the ground, after a moment he ran back up the crude staircase and started piling the cobbles around the small room to make the walls thicker. Soon the command block was on a narrow pillar at the center of a pit and the Doctor was standing as far underneath of it as it would allow hir to still interact with it. Outside it was starting to rain again, and there was dark clouds gathering ominously in the sky. Lighting flashed again and again and the forest echoed with the grunts of pigmen and the crying of trap horses.   
The command block made a series of ascending chimes and spun up with a hum. The trio skipped backwards at the Doctor’s urging and a second group of command blocks spawned into the new space and scattered redstone wires and repeaters between themselves.   
Doc gave them a nervous look. “I’ve seen this before. It will work, but it’s also going to detonate the whole device when it’s finished. Now would be a great time to either dig deeper or run away.”  
Steve nodded in understanding and went at the ground like a maddened mole. Herobrine fell into step behind him; punching away stone like it were merely wool blocks. The two dug like men possessed and the Doctor could only follow in stunned amazement, still limping slightly from hir injury.   
‘It’s like our dream.’ Steve said mentally. ‘The stone walls… the storm. We go down to escape.’   
Herobrine’s reply was also silent. ‘I hope so. It sounds like someone out there is getting even angrier then they have been.’ The storm outside was increasing in fury, the howling wind tearing out trees and swamping the shores of ponds as the water was swirled out and sloshed back and forth. It seemed every lighting strike rocked the seed itself like an earthquake. And still they dug deeper down and away from the fury and the hum of the command blocks.   
The steady buzz of the machine rose up into a high pitched whine that made the trio grab their ears in pain. Then it went out of their hearing range and became a sucking silence. An absence of noise that drew everything else inside it before exploding with a tremendous boom. The tunnel flashed and rocked from the way they had come and there was a crackle that sped down like ball lightning and crashed into the Doctor, throwing them to the floor.   
-System ready-   
Doc rolled over, gasping. “I’m in!” Xe began typing in the air furiously.   
/Op InfamousDoctorF  
/Gamemode 1   
Xe gasped as the power flowed into hir and her health and food bars vanished to be replaced by the more complex creative menu.   
The ground groaned under them and Steve clung to Herobrine. “We need to get out of here! We’ll be buried alive if the seed keeps rocking like this!”  
“We’re going to get out!” The Doctor shouted wildly. “I just need a name! Someone near your home that you trust!”   
Without hesitation they spoke almost in unison. “Alexsezia.”   
“Good enough!”   
Xe types more.   
/tp [InfamousDoctorF, HerobrineTLOT, FatherSteve] Alexsezia  
There’s a roar of air above like someone shouting as the trees are ripped from the ground and sent tumbling and the animals bleat and run in fear at the force of the rain that hammers them from above. A great scoop of turf rises up as if gouged out and lands heavily in the remaining trees nearby, but the burrow is empty. The sky is black, the stars themselves blotted out as a shape rages across the landscape. Tearing up the ground and bellowing in fury. 

* * * * * * * * * *

Alexsezia looked up from her farming at the weird sky on the horizon. There were masses of black clouds and a deeper darkness that frightened her in a way she couldn’t vocalize. A sound echoed in the far distance and her blood turned to ice. It was steeped in senseless anger.  
There was a sudden pressure around her and she screamed as Doc, Herobrine and Steve all clipped into her for a second and then fell to the ground. She stood there shaking as Steve fought to catch his breath. Herobrine stayed on the grass, digging black claws into the soil to ground the turmoil in his mind.   
Doc looked around wildly and saw the menacing horizon. “I don’t think we have long guys. You better get what you want to save. I appreciate you offering me a home but I think we should all get out of here as soon as possible! I’ll make a new seed and we’ll take a portal out. Just give me a few minutes to set it up!”   
Steve’s eyes widened in panic, “holy… what is that…?”   
Herobrine’s voice was grim, “you and I both know what that is my lamb. Notch is done playing with us.”   
Alexsezia’s tone was mixed with anger and fright, “what did you two do?!”   
Herobrine’s reply was a bitter growl, “we survived.” He turned to Steve who was trying not to cower in fright. “Take China. Get your brothers. All the villagers too, Flicker and her creepers, don’t forget Beanz. I’ll take Hellion and grab our things as well. Go like the wind my lamb. We’re not coming back.”   
Steve ran to the yard with a nod and vaulted the fence onto China’s back, the horse gracefully jumped the gate and he sped off towards the town. Herobrine followed him and snapped the reins on Hellion as well, racing back to their small house for the few precious things he could not bear to leave behind.   
Doc looked at Alexsezia for a moment. “I’m Doc. Nice to meet the local Alex as well as Steve and Herobrine. I’m sure we’ll have time to talk soon enough, but I think you should go pack now.   
Alexsezia stared at the strange figure for a moment and then bolted back into the house; rounding up her cats with a quickness born of habit and fear. When she came back outside the darkness had grown and the wind was picking up to an alarming pace. Her animals mewed in alarm and gathered close around her feet. The Doctor had taken up a stance in the largest clear part of the yard and seemed to be building a portal much bigger then the normal ones that were used to reach the Nether. Xe had a handful of static and spread it over the black and purple stones. The space inside them went first white and then black with the smallest blinking line at the top left-hand corner.   
/Command?   
/Generate new seed? Y/N  
Xe waved hir hands like a magician, typing in commands and then stepping back a bit as the screen filled with white text. There was a flash and then the space opened up with a crackle, showing a lovely clear blue sky and green fields inside the opening. Beyond it they could see a kind of undulation happening as if something massive were tearing up hills an a ragged path towards them.   
Steve came back with the others in tow, muttering fearfully and clinging to one another. Most were carrying a small trunk or bag. Tungsten had a bunch of tiny creepers in his wide arms and Flicker followed close at his heels with her small army trailing behind her. Beanz was being dragged by a frantic Zile and at the end of the procession were all of Steve’s brothers and their few skeleton horses.   
“Where’s Herobrine?!” He shouted over the wind.   
“I’m here!” Came the answering shout, and the villagers oh-ed at the sight of their godly king astride his zombie steed; the storm catching his cloak like a bold banner; and snapping the heavy velvet like silk in the wind.   
“It’s ready!” Doc screamed. “We have to go!”   
The clouds were swirling above them now and the sound of the seed screaming in agony as the land deformed was apparent even to those not sensitive to it’s earthy mutterings. Doc rushed to and fro, often shoving them bodily into the wide opening. “Dammit! I wish I was bigger then all of you! Go faster!”   
Herobrine galloped back and forth, he and Steve working like sheepdogs to herd the others in first. Alexsezia and her cats were the last to go and they turned to ride in after her. Lightning blasted the ground by Hellion, and the terrified animal reared, throwing Herobrine from his back. The horse ran frantically into the opening when Steve raced back for his mate.   
“Take my hand!” He shouted, his voice nearly torn away by the wind.   
Behind them there was an explosion, as if a fist had punched down one of the villages bedrock walls, the pyramid of earth began crumbling; the grass blocks swirling up into a tornado.   
Herobrine dragged himself up, his battered body crying out that some bones had been broken. Steve grabbed his scarred wrist and pulled him onto China’s bumpy back.   
“I can’t hold it much longer!” The Doctor screamed. “You have to hurry!” The ground moved crazily under them and China was forced to leap a gap that opened before the portal. The horse flew through with a crackle of static and the Doctor slammed the wall of energy down behind them. Making the portal crumble like a sandcastle and the pixels scatter in the breeze.   
The air echoed with the impotent rage of the god whose prey had escaped him, and then… all was quiet. The lovers fairly tumbled from China’s back, gasping, “are we safe?!”   
Doc sauntered up to them. The sunshine was warm on their faces and there was a certain crackle in the air. It was the scent of a fresh world. Hir green eyes sparkled with glee. “Yes. Actually, you are safe.”   
Xe dropped down and crouched beside the two. They were crying happy tears and kissing one another despite their injuries.   
Herobrine held his mates joyous face with both hands. “My lamb… we did it.”   
Steve shook his head wordlessly. He clutched at his husband, so happy he could hardly breathe.   
The villagers and skeletons gathered around them, the creepers ambling through the new green grasses. Zile was near dancing with delight despite the stricken look Beanz was giving him.   
Doc waited for the two to notice hir before speaking. “So, my new friends. What shall we build first?” 

 

* * * * * * * * * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who stuck with me until the last act.   
>  But here's the kicker- this isn't the end.   
>  I've been running a roleplay group over Skype for months and our scene is after the events of FOAH. A new story on their newly generated seed. But that material can't be posted here because I'm not the only author in it. It's posted on the Tumblr askblog based on this story, and updated as the editing is completed. So please come and visit- http://fearofaherobrine.tumblr.com/ [CAUTION- This is NSFW blog and you may have to join Tumblr to see it. Settings will vary by browser.]

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my work, feel free to come find me on Tumblr - http://theinfamousdoctorf.tumblr.com/


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